Assalaamu alaikum Amanda,
(gently) You seem to be concerned about backbiting. I found the following, that discusses backbiting. I hope it may help you.
http://www.irfi.org/articles/article...backbiting.htm
I have a question: Did the things you said
reach the person you were talking about? If not, then
praying for their forgiveness is an option, according to the article I gave the link to. If people
were aware of what you said, and they have since moved, have you tried tracking them down to apologize? With the internet, this is much easier than it used to be! And if you can't contact them right now, perhaps a means may be opened up in the future? Perhaps you could keep the
intention to seek their forgiveness in your heart?
Also, I went on Umrah recently. And while I'd planned to pray all sorts of duas for people (who'd asked me to), I found myself instead repeatedly asking Allah to Forgive me. Again and again, I prayed, feeling this need inside of me. But it was only when I sincerely prayed that Allah Forgive those who had harmed me, that I felt a sudden lightening, a feeling of a load being taken off. I felt that it was when I forgave
others, that Allah could Forgive
me.
This is not a scholar's opinion... but if you can't talk to someone you have harmed to ask forgiveness, perhaps asking Allah to Forgive
them for
their sins is a goodness you could do for them? On the Day of Judgment, others can take of our good deeds to be paid for harms we have done to them. Perhaps sincerely caring about the other person and asking for forgiveness
for them can be a good deed that you can offer them in expiation for the harm you did to them?
And if you can one day find them and apologize, your prayers for them would be a lovely bonus for both you and them.
(smile) And praying for a person makes them more beautiful in our eyes, and helps us to stop backbiting them in the future. (smile) Hugs, my dear. The fact that you are feeling very bothered by this is a good sign. There is goodness in you. We all sin, but it takes good character to admit one's wrongdoings.
May Allah, the Pardoner, have Mercy on those who seek forgiveness.