Assalaamu alaikum,
(smile) A wedding party is
sunnah (
http://en.islamtoday.net/node/1252),which should be a good enough reason for a Muslim to desire one...
You know, a wedding party is not just about pretty clothes and food-filled fun. It has some important social functions. It is about announcing to the community that a male is taking on the responsibilities of a
man (frankly, sex doesn't distinguish a boy from a man; it's the taking on of responsibilities, particularly
family responsibilities, that signals this transition). It also signals to the community that the relationship between a man and a woman is halal, and ensures that the children will be recognized as legitimate and due rights from the father.
Furthermore, any man who
cares about his future wife will
want to be recognized as her husband. He will be proud of the fact that this woman has accepted to marry him, and he will want both his and her status well known. He will feel a desire to have a nice party to honour his bride and her family. If he is a contributing member of society, he will also want to provide a nice time (to the best of his ability) to his community members, out of love and respect for them.
If any man is reluctant to have a marriage party, a woman should beware and not marry him; it is very unlikely that he will shoulder his responsibilities and look after her and her children.
That said, it is true that people can be ridiculously boastful and spend stunning amounts on weddings; this, in my opinion, is
not part of the Middle Path that is Islam.
As for the idea of making weddings cheap so as to make zina less attractive... this is a race to the bottom. What in fact you are arguing, is that we should
debase marriage to make extra-marital relations less likely. But you see, if we debase marriage, then we make zina
more likely, not less. After all, if there is nothing special about marriage, why bother? As too many people in my home province say: well hey, it's just a formality, right? Just a piece of paper... And so zina is
much more prevalent.
Wedding ceremonies occur in every culture around the world. There is a deep and ancient wisdom to them. It is only in our modern corporate-industrial world that this ancient wisdom is being challenged. And it is only in modern “pop” Islam that I see this argument towards turning the
mehr into a purely symbolic amount, and trying to eliminate the traditional decencies of the wedding party.
Islam is about
moderation, not extremes. Ridiculously lavish weddings are one extreme.
But the elimination (or quasi-elimination) of weddings is another.
May Allah, the One Who is Free from all Wants, Enrich us sufficiently to marry, but Restrain us from excesses.