format_quote Originally Posted by
aesa
ok well then what should i do? because i would like to be able to listen to my mom and not tell him that i know but you dont understand the pain its bringing me right now.
I can understand the pain that a woman feel when she is cheated by the man who she loves, who still keep the love to his past and secretly meet his past lover. I can understand it because I was 'this man'.
Okay, enough about my past. Now I will go to advice.
The main reason why I suggest you to pretend that you don't know what your husband has done is because, when he was cheating you, he went with his daughter too. He is a father, and he loves his daughter.
If you tell him that you have know what he has done, then he will make a counterattack with "Is it wrong if I wanted to spend the time with my daughter?. Is it wrong if I wanted to make my daughter happy?". Then he will start to think that you cannot accept that he already has children before he married you.
Young sis, if he was in situation which he must choose between his children and you, I am sure, he would choose his children, not you.
Another reason is, a husband would feel very uncomfortable if he knew that his wife spying on him. A wife indeed, must observe what her husband doing outside the home, but she must observe it in smart way that does not make her husband feel spied by her. This is the art of being a wife that you must learn.
What you should do now?. The first thing is forgive your husband. Try to understand that he loves his daughter, and he still need a time to change his feeling to his daughter's mother. I know it's very hard for you to do it. But, no pain no gain, isn't it?.
Then try to build better relationship with your husband. Make your husband feel very comfortable with you. It will raise his love to you. And make him realize that you love him so much. It will raise awareness in his heart that he has to change his feeling to his ex and focusing his love only to you.
About his daughter. Young sis, you should not cut a parent-child family ties. So tell him that you do not mind if he has contact with his daughter and want to meet his daughter. He will appreciate it and start to see you as the wise wife.
Will he cheat you like that again?. Insha Allah no, if he is already in awareness that now he is your husband and he should not betray your love again. Then if his ex invite him to do something wrong, he will refuse this request.
Yeah, one thing about man that you must know. The only one that can prevent a man to do something is himself. If a man want to do something but prohibited, then he will try to seek a chance to do it. But if a man forbid himself to do something, then even if he has big chance to do something, he will not do it.
So, do not tell him "You must eliminate your love to your ex!", but tell him in tender voice "I know you love me so much. So I believe that you will never hurt me through loving any other woman". Yes, young sis, do not use "your ex", but use "any other woman". It will give him different impression about your jealous.
Okay young sister, start learn how to be a smart wife who can handle problems in marriage in wise way.