How can I stop myself?

[anonymous]

:sl: I have been feeling the desire for years to meet girls online, and to get to know them and sometimes flirt with them despite the fact that I am not single. I managed to stop this haram addiction, and I begged Allah for forgiveness because I believe it to be a form of cheating. So my problem stopped for a while, I deleted my accounts on social media because I was using them to meet girls and flirt. Well, after several months I've found myself having urges to continue this behavior. I am very angry with myself, I actually broke down in tears about this earlier because my girlfriend is loyal to me, and we love each other. I don't know if this is because I have low-self esteem or what is going on. I just need some advice on how I can change and be a better man. Thank you and believe me I have never actually cheated in real life, only online with talking and some flirting. Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you all.

[greenhill]

This is a hard one. Really, really hard one.

Our desires, whatever the cause or reason for it is a personal battle. It is the battle of the "will". This is the real jihad.

Everyone will have their test, this might be yours.

You have done well to keep away, tell yourself you can do it..

All the best.



:peace:

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


Fear Allah , don't miss any salat . Recite Quran daily , give time to your family more , don't watch movies , try to gain Islamic knowledge more , keep yourself busy with positive deeds , spend time with religious persons .


Keep praying Allah to help u .

[ardianto]

:wa:

If I want I could get many 'online girlfriends', and of course I would tell every of them that "You are the only woman who I love". Yeah, bro, it's not difficult to lie online!.

Then, how can you say that you and your online girlfriend love each other?. Okay, let me tell you. If she really love you, she must be ask you to meet her in the real world, and then she would ask you to marry her.

So, bro, do not let yourself become victim of the online love because online love actually is not the real love. It's better if you back to the reality that you already have a wife, and give your love only to her.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

Mmm, if I understand correctly, you have a girlfriend in real life, but feel the urge to go online and chat with other women?

It seems to me that the internet is easily addictive, because it instantly palliates various needs we have. Perhaps exploring what that need is, will help you break this addiction?

(mildly) If you have a girlfriend and you are attached to one another, why haven't you married? Perhaps you could look at yourself and ask yourself why you are not committing? Are you afraid of the responsibilities of married life, for instance? Perhaps your online adventures are an expression of this fear?

I don't know, because I don't know enough about you. But trying to understand your deeper motives might help you change your behaviour, I think.

Incidentally, going online and flirting is a form of cheating, in my opinion. You are sharing something of yourself with a woman other than your wife, and you are perhaps leading other women to believe that you are available for marriage. This is not really honest, is it? And you could hurt someone.

Anyway, kudos to you for admitting you have a problem. It's the first step to recovery.

May Allah, the Victory Giver, Help you in your struggle.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl: sis, bro has a wife in real life and now got a girlfriend in online world. May Allah protect us all from haram relations Ameen

Assalaamu alaikum,

Mmm, if I understand correctly, you have a girlfriend in real life, but feel the urge to go online and chat with other women?

It seems to me that the internet is easily addictive, because it instantly palliates various needs we have. Perhaps exploring what that need is, will help you break this addiction?

(mildly) If you have a girlfriend and you are attached to one another, why haven't you married? Perhaps you could look at yourself and ask yourself why you are not committing? Are you afraid of the responsibilities of married life, for instance? Perhaps your online adventures are an expression of this fear?

I don't know, because I don't know enough about you. But trying to understand your deeper motives might help you change your behaviour, I think.

Incidentally, going online and flirting is a form of cheating, in my opinion. You are sharing something of yourself with a woman other than your wife, and you are perhaps leading other women to believe that you are available for marriage. This is not really honest, is it? And you could hurt someone.

Anyway, kudos to you for admitting you have a problem. It's the first step to recovery.

May Allah, the Victory Giver, Help you in your struggle.

[ardianto]

The greatest loss in my life is lost my beloved wife who returned to Allah after she accompanied me for almost 19 years. But there is one thing that makes me still grateful. I never had affair with other women during my married life. It's because I believe that the real man is not a man who can get women as much as he can, but a man who can loyal to his life partner.

If you have belief like I believe, In Shaa Allah, you will far from urge to flirt other woman.

:)

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

Mmm, the OP did not state that he is married. He said he was not single. And he said his girlfriend is loyal. In my home province, this would strongly suggest that he has a steady girlfriend and was probably cohabiting with her, but that he had not obtained a legal marriage with her. They would be considered common-law spouses after 1 year, but the woman would not have the legal protections of marriage (I say the woman. But the law treats both parties equally. It is just that it is more often the woman who compromises her career and earning potential because of children, and it is more likely the man who has put the joint property in his name, so that she is in a worse position if and when the man decides to leave her). This situation is very common here (about 50% of couples).

This is why I was looking for a clarification of his status.

I apologize if this is not what the OP meant, and I encourage him to clarify this, as my advice might be less appropriate if I misunderstand the context and question.

May Allah, Who Knows, Help us to understand one another better.

[ardianto]

Mmm, the OP did not state that he is married. He said he was not single.

To be honest, I was confused too with what the OP meant. It's because in my place if someone still unmarried it's means he is single although he has girlfriend or even future wife. So I thought he was talking about 'online girlfriend'.

[Lavitz]

I have been feeling the desire for years to meet girls online, and to get to know them and sometimes flirt with them despite the fact that I am not single.

This is a very important question: Where are you when you are meeting girls online? At work? At home?

[BeTheChange]

As a human being of course we all have desires but when i think of wanting to do any bad deed i think this is the EASY route.

This is how i think - (or force myself to think) - I will strive and overcome this bad habit first and foremost to show to Allah swa through my actions i am serious. Secondly, to demonstrate to myself and by doing this it increases my happiness because i achieved my set goal. Thirdly, i understand the sin will harm me if not in the moment it will come and haunt me in the future. We won't be able to escape. This is what's very frightening. Yes, in this life we can escape through family life, education, work, entertainment etc but hell or heaven will be in our face 24/7 and we will be living in extremely good or extremely bad conditions.

It depends on you and how committed and eager you are to please yourself and Allah swa. Everything that is precious and worth having requires hard work in life. Nothing comes to us on a plate and if it did we wouldn't value the situation.

Prove to yourself you can do it and get ready for ramadan which is arriving soon!

[Lavitz]

Thirdly, i understand the sin will harm me if not in the moment it will come and haunt me in the future. We won't be able to escape. This is what's very frightening.

Quoted for importance.

[Darlingbudofmay]

Salam if you are married it is considered zina and there is different types of zina like looking and flirting etc it is a serious sin because there is actually a shariah law punishment for it...I am telling you this so you should fear Allah and stop what you are doing and you should remember death often...if you are not married it's still sinning and please do not marry anyone until you have fully recovered from this lustful disease you have

[AmericanMuslim]

Salaam, Brother in Islam.
I don't know of the exact situation you are going through, but I know of the feeling of "I want to do it, but it is Haraam". I completely get that. One of the major tricks to this is when you get the urge: DISTRACT YOURSELF. Seriously. Leave the computer, Read Al Qur'an, Read another book, pray, make dua, do something that is meaningful, and will help you forget your desire. Or volunteer at your Masjid. You have to get into the habit of distracting yourself whenever you have that desire. And Inshallah, you will get over this desire. May Allah help you through your struggles, Ameen.