Family bonding time

[Umm Abed]

It has become common for the youth to overlook the importance of spending time together as a family, especially parents. Growing up is a limited period in which you should make special effort and time to bond with your family, this time, once its over its gone.

It is also a time when memories are formed and those stay for life, you want happy memories so be part of this relationship-building bond with your family and always keep your parents happy.

Happy memories! May Allah keep us firm on the straight path always, ameen.

[strivingobserver98]

Yes as they say "Time spent with family is never wasted" :). Family is so important, I reckon it's one of the vital to be happy in life! Some people often get so busy in the dunya, 10 years pass by and they don't realize parents getting older and older close to death. You don't know when your parents will depart from the world, be with them as much as you can.

Ameen to duas.

[Umm Abed]

Absolutely true. The youth should especially take heed because many only realize when its too late, the early years is crucial, determining success for them based on how they treated their family especially parents, but this advice is for everyone really, as you say family time is never wasted there is so much truth in it.

May Allah swt reward the sacrifices of our parents and for everything they did for us ameen.:jz:

[BeTheChange]

I spend too much time with my family lol, i need time out lol. On a serious note, Alhamdulilah very grateful can't ask for anything more.

Very content and happy with family life. Am always available for family. They my priority after Islam. Alhamdulilah!

May Allah swa keep us strong and united Ameen.

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[sister herb]

This reminds me my friend from South-Africa. Father of hers family decided when kids of the family were on their teenages that after the supper meal together everyone will close their computers and phones and spend the evening together, chatting with family members, playing and telling the stories. No internet, no TV. Then kids will get real memories from their family. Before this all members of the family were just spend their evening as talking with the virtual world.

[Ummshareef]

Above all, it is very important for the family to spend time together in study and worship.

[Umm Abed]

I spend too much time with my family lol, i need time out lol. On a serious note, Alhamdulilah very grateful can't ask for anything more.

Very content and happy with family life. Am always available for family. They my priority after Islam. Alhamdulilah!

May Allah swa keep us strong and united Ameen.

Thats great to hear sis, masha'allah, that you are spending quality time with your family.

You will see the rewards of it right in this world insha'allah ameen!

May your life be filled with barakah ameen:jz:

[Umm Abed]

Above all, it is very important for the family to spend time together in study and worship.

Masha'allah you'r right, I agree with you wholeheartedly, we all should make an effort to be close together as a family.

[ardianto]

I was not a boy who love to stay at home but a boy who active in activities outside which sometime made me must go out of city for few days. So, the quantity of spending time with family actually was not so good. But Alhamdulillah, it was good in quality. I still and always keep beautiful memories with my parents when I was a youth.

Now I am a father and I always try to spend my time with my children as much as I can, as good as I can.

[Umm Abed]

I was not a boy who love to stay at home but a boy who active in activities outside which sometime made me must go out of city for few days. So, the quantity of spending time with family actually was not so good. But Alhamdulillah, it was good in quality. I still and always keep beautiful memories with my parents when I was a youth.

Now I am a father and I always try to spend my time with my children as much as I can, as good as I can.

I can understand that, as a boy, you were very active thats a good thing also, keeping occupied and healthy at the same time.

Im sure you do really appreciate the quality time you spent with your parents - and treasure the memories, alhamdulillah.

Keeping your kids connected to you is the best gift you can give them, its what moulds them into caring people, I wish the best for you and your kids as a family. May Allah make it easy.

[ardianto]

I can understand that, as a boy, you were very active thats a good thing also, keeping occupied and healthy at the same time.

Im sure you do really appreciate the quality time you spent with your parents - and treasure the memories, alhamdulillah.

Keeping your kids connected to you is the best gift you can give them, its what moulds them into caring people, I wish the best for you and your kids as a family. May Allah make it easy.

People say, quality is better than quantity. And I think it's right.

I have heard few stories about about families that often together, but not in togetherness. They often at home together, but everyone is busy with himself/herself and rarely talk with other family members. Even I have heard more than one story which the child confess, he/she feel happy if the father is not at home. Sadly, not every father (mother) can be good parent who can give love to the children and make them happy.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

Mmm, I think it is not just the youth that are neglecting family time (sigh) All too often, they have learnt this neglect from their parents. (sad) I have seen so many people so wrapped up with their careers and acquiring status and money… and how they forget their children. The children are handed off as small infants into daycare, and then later to schools, after-school activities or care, or just being left to themselves. I have witnessed children literally begging their parents to spend more time with them. I have seen children fall prey to drugs and gangs, because they are looking for something to damp the pain of loneliness and neglect.

I have seen parents so wrapped up in their devices, while their children wait patiently (smile. Or not so patiently!) for them to talk with them. (sad) And I see parents get rid of their children by giving them devices to distract them, too.

It seems to me that we love to talk about the shortcomings of the youth… but we are more reluctant to look at our shortcomings as parents.

(gently) Perhaps we should look at our own shortcomings, and try to see things from our children's perspectives, sometimes.

May Allah, the Just, Help us to be good to those He has Entrusted us with.

[Abdullahh]

:sl:. I agree with you. Very good thread.

[ardianto]

My activity with my sons today?.

Went to bicycle shop to buy my son bicycle parts. Lunch in a small restaurant. Traveling around the city for a while. Went shopping. Repaired my son bicycle. Accompanied my sons when the played with their bicycles.

Alhamdulillah, I am very happy today.

:)

[MuslimInshallah]

People say, quality is better than quantity. And I think it's right.

Assalaamu alaikum,

(pensively) This idea was very much advertised to young women of my generation. We were told that it was better for our children if we went out to exciting careers and then came back at the end of the day and spent "quality time" with our children. And I did try this briefly. But it wasn't true. My daughter was not happy in daycare, the care she got was not very good, and when I came back after a busy day at work, I then had to do housework and meals, and the like, and I wanted to discuss my work with my husband (who was in the same field), and I was just plain tired, and my daughter was tired, and… well, quality time just wan't there.

So I left the paid workforce, and decided to raise my children myself. And I'm so glad I made this choice, even if I'm not a respected and well-paid professional today. Small children need quantity time. They need you when they are delighted with something, they need you when they hurt themselves, they need you when they can't do something for themselves, they need you to answer questions…if you are not there when they feel the need for you… they often forget the joys, or learn that probably no one will help them when they have a problem.

Do they need quality, too? Yes, of course. For instance, a mother who is not very attentive, isn't a great mother (though she's probably better than no mother, and if she isn't attentive when she's home full-time, she'll hardly be more attentive if she's mostly out working…), and children suffer from neglect. But overall, small children need you there where they can access you.

As they grow, of course, they need you less frequently, and it may be that at this point you can schedule quality moments together. But when they are young, I believe that children need their parents… (smile) in large quantities!

***

(smile) As an aside, it's lovely to read the nice people on this Forum. It is heartening to know such caring children and parents.

May Allah, the One Who Knows, Bless all those who do humble acts of kindness for their family members.

[Umm Abed]

Wa alaikum salam

Its a very true fact that how children turn out is more than likely the environment that has an impact on them whether good or bad, as MuslimInshallah points out. As parents we all need to ask ourselves are we fulfilling the rights of our children by playing a positive and important role in their lives? Are we just trying to distract them so that we can get on with our lives? Or are we leading them as good role models which they so desperately yearn for.

A child's lack of attention from parents will show up when he or she interacts with others, how they behave with other kids, all that also shows up in how good we are parenting our kids.
@ardianto , that is very good that you'r a hands-on parent who spends fun time with your kids masha'allah, may Allah keep them strong on deen and make them pious ameen.

[ardianto]

ssalaamu alaikum,

(pensively) This idea was very much advertised to young women of my generation.........

Wa'alaikumsalam, sister.

I did not suggest parents to think it's okay if they don't have enough time for their children as long as they can be close with their children. What I wrote about quality and quantity in togetherness is just what I've ever felt as a child.

I was born in "typical Indonesian upper-middle class family" which often depicted in movies and novels as, the father is busy with his job and his other activities, the mother is busy in shopping and social gathering, the boy spend his times outside the home with his friends, the girl enjoy her own "girly world" at home.

That was depiction of my family. My father was a government official who was always busy with his job, and also busy with his hobby that made him sometime left the home for few days. My mother was busy in social gathering and socialization with other women. My father job made my family moved few times, and when I entered highschool my father must move again to another city. But he decided to move there without me and my siblings. So, me and my siblings lived separated from our parents.

Children from family like this are always taught that they must understand if their father is busy. The boys from family like this are always trained to be independent and not depend on parents. In another hand, the parent usually let the children to have their own activities and even pampers them with facilities. Frankly, I got a car when I was 13.

I had a youth life that could make many other boys jealous. I had my own car, I had many friends and popular enough among the youth, I could do many adventures, I enjoyed my life as motorcycle racer. But, did I ever feel lonely?. ..... If I must honest, yes. But I love my parents and I could understand them.

That's why now as a father I want to raise up my children in different way. I don't want to busy with myself. I want to give my time for my children, because I realize how important togetherness between parent and children. Yes, I realize that my children need quantity in togetherness too. [smile]

[ardianto]

Today I went out with my oldest child, the 16 years old boy. Only with the oldest because the youngest went out and played with his friends. He talked many things to me on our way, and it made me remember myself when I was teen when I went out only with my father and I talked many things to him in the car. And suddenly I realized, now I am in position where my father was ever been there. Now I am a father.

My father was a busy man who had no much time for me, while I was a boy who busy with my own world. But there was always moment when I wanted to talked with my father, and my father always gave his time for me, for listening to what I wanted to say.

Now my oldest son is a teenager who is busy with his own world. I let him to live in his own world and I give him privacy. But I also realize, there is always moment when he wants to talk with me. And I always try to do what my father has done. I always try to give a time for him to talk with me, while I listen to him.

This is what a father must do. :)

[Umm Abed]

Ardianto, thanks for your post; your sons are lucky to have a father like you. Im sure all these thoughts of you as a child come flooding down when you interact with your kids.

A parent should be a best friend to his/her kids thats when they can trust the parents without feeling that they'r going to be judged for their opinions and thoughts but rather guided with love and understanding.

Wishing you many, many more happy years with fun and joy with your kids.

[ardianto]

Ardianto, thanks for your post; your sons are lucky to have a father like you. Im sure all these thoughts of you as a child come flooding down when you interact with your kids.

A parent should be a best friend to his/her kids thats when they can trust the parents without feeling that they'r going to be judged for their opinions and thoughts but rather guided with love and understanding.

Alhamdulillah, I had parents who raised me with love and understanding. And when I was young I was also close with few of my friends parents. I often talked with them. So, I was familiar with intergenerational conversation. Maybe this is the factor that makes me now can talk with my children from heart to heart.

By the way, my oldest son now is in tour to Bali with his school. Do you know sis?, how busy he was when he would go. He consulted me about what he should carry in tour, how many clothes he need, etc.

Wishing you many, many more happy years with fun and joy with your kids.

Ameen. :)

[Umm Abed]

Alhamdulillah, I had parents who raised me with love and understanding. And when I was young I was also close with few of my friends parents. I often talked with them. So, I was familiar with intergenerational conversation. Maybe this is the factor that makes me now can talk with my children from heart to heart.

By the way, my oldest son now is in tour to Bali with his school. Do you know sis?, how busy he was when he would go. He consulted me about what he should carry in tour, how many clothes he need, etc.


Ameen. :)

Thanks for your input.

Im sure your son had a great, fun-filled time out and enjoyed himself. Thats great to know that he can consult with you right down to the basics.

Some kids dont have such easygoing parents and it can put pressure on them to behave in a certain manner or rebel at worst.

[ardianto]

Thanks for your input.

Im sure your son had a great, fun-filled time out and enjoyed himself. Thats great to know that he can consult with you right down to the basics.

Some kids dont have such easygoing parents and it can put pressure on them to behave in a certain manner or rebel at worst.

Children expect attention from parents, and they would be happy if their parents could listen and understand them. This is why I always give my time when my children want to talk to me. But I also try not to disturb them when they want to enjoy their own time because I know that children need privacy too.

I have learned about parenting since I was young and unmarried. Started from my own experience as a child.