When can I dis obey my parents?

[sarahabdul]

Asailam Alykum,
I reverted to Islam last November alhamdulilah and I have never felt happier. I twenty years old and to this day my family, parents do not know I have reverted to islam and am now a muslim. They are aware that I am friends with muslims and have been for a long time now. My family are completely westernised and have no clue about islam, they don't even know that people can change religions. They view islam on what they see on the media. My mother told me before that she thinks islam is an ' escape from reality' and a 'cult'. Also, they wouldn't care to know about the true teachings of islam and its beauty. My families life in their eyes is perfect, money, boyfriends, girlfriends, parties etc. It kills me inside knowing the truth. When I reverted to islam, I stopped wearing make-up instantly. I wanted to wear hijab and abaya instantly aswell but obviously I could not, not to mention where I live, there are no muslims, the people here live in their own bubble which is wealth and status. They don't need religion in their eyes, they think they are going to live in dunya forever. When I stopped wearing make-up, my mother could not believe it. She constantly would ask me to put make-up on and noticed how I my appearance was less attractive to what I used to look like. She would even manipulate me telling me she would bring me places but only if I dressed nice and put on make-up. For my sisters birthday party, I wore a long skirt. Everyone there at the party thought basically that its not normal that I was wearing a long skirt, my fathers friend said to me ' oh look at your long skirt'...I couldn't believe it. These people are so westernised and seeing a girl in a long skirt is just not normal, its honestly frightening. My mother kept on going on about how 'worried' she is when she saw me in it. She has told me that I am influenced by my muslim friends and this is just a phase I am going through.

My parents will not take me seriously at all when I tell them. My family have told me they think its 'creepy' when they hear me talking about Islam and think its just another ' teenage phase'I am going through. It kills me everyday that I cannot wear hijab and abaya, even though I go outside wearing hats, even then they comment and ask me why am I wearing a hat. My mother made me go to the hairdressers a few weeks back and in the hairdressers I was crying behind my sunglasses because it pained me so much. I know I have to be patient but it kills me everyday. My family have never known muslims, don't know islam, their lifestyle is very elite and higher class. They would rather see me in a mini skirt and high heels then cover up. They are so westernised and seeing a woman covered up is not the norm for them. I can't stand it. I am blessed I have the best muslim friends whom I plan to spend all my time with this summer and ramadan, but come September I intend to wear hijab and abaya full time.

My question is, when is it ok to dis-obey my parents in terms pleasing Allah? i love my mother so much. She is going to be so upset when I tell her and will literally think I am insane. None of us know when our last day is and I do not want to die not wearing hijab and abaya. I plan to move out aswell . But even if my parents aren't happy, am I still allowed to wear hijab and abaya even if it kills them inside? Even if they do not want me to? And when is the right time? It kills me everyday not being able to be a full practicing muslimah. I cry so much. I hate leading this double life.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Welcome to Islam, my dear sister. It really is the best what can happen. You are wondering how to tell to your parents. I was in the same situation 20 years ago. I was older than you but similar questions were also in my mind. My parents aren´t religious but their basic belief is the Christianity. To my dad it was just same to what I believe but to my mom it was kind of shock I became a Muslim. She hated my hijab so much that over 10 years she refused to walk with me on the street (because she felt that everybody stare at me). Anyways, I lived over that time and by my behavior showed to her that Islam made me better, more caring and kind person.

I advice you not to wait, tell to your parents you have found peace to your mind and it is your own choice. Wear hijab today. At Ramadan, start your fast. Be kind, patient and be ready to explain polite way your religion to them. Remember that you are not alone with kind of problem, many new sisters (and brothers too) struggle with same matters. See that this is a test to you.

[MuslimOfAmerica]

As Salamu Alaykum sister. Firstly, we ask that Allah reward you for your efforts. We would like to remind you that Allah does not test anyone beyond what they can handle (Surat Al Baqarah 2:286). This is a problem that we, the MuslimOfAmerica team, understand but cannot relate to because we are all born Muslims. When it comes to obeying your parents, you should listen to whatever they say so long as it does not transgress what Allah has said. In your particular situation, you wish to dress modestly like you are told to do by Allah but your parents would not understand this lifestyle of yours. In this situation it is best for you to let your parents know that you are a Muslim and you want to wear the hijab. You MUST make sure to speak to them in a calm and respectful manner no matter how heated the discussion gets, but In sha Allah they will understand. It is sort of a good thing that you have slowly started dressing modestly so that it gives your family time to adapt. Since you have been slowly covering parts of your body when you decide to cover your hair the transition won't be too drastic for your family. Our advice would be though to let your parents know that you want to wear the hijab no matter what the outcomes may be. Let them know this is something you are serious about and that means a lot to you, and is not just a phase. In Sha Allah it all works out for you, and In Sha Allah your family will be guided as well.