Physically unattractiveness

[uglyman]

Dear brothers and Sister in the Islam,
I am a healthy, Alhamdulillah, 38 year male and I am genuinelyas they call it an physically unattractive person. Due to my physically unattractivenessthis prevented me from completing the Sunnah of our beloved Muhammad(Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) to settle down and marry a spouse and building a religiouscommitted family based on the values stipulated in the Sunnah and Quran.
Marriage is obligated in our beautiful religion becausethere is a lot of Barakah in it and a blessing for those who understand how to obtainit (a blind individual can hear better than a seeing individual and a deaf individualcan see better than an individual that can hear). I have tried to achieve thisgoal in life but as mentioned above my physically unattractiveness preventsthis for me. As a little child, I think I was six or seven years old, that I forthe first time heard, noticeably from my aunts, uncles and even my mother, tellingme that I was ‘really’ ugly. From a young age I learned that I was going tohave a really hard life Subḥana'llah due to my physically unattractiveness.
My worst time was in high school where I was told byclassmates why I was so ugly and they even told me that everything that Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala created was beautiful than me. Even teachers took their part in humiliatingme in front of other classmates. I remember that a teacher made everybodylisten and told openly in the classroom ‘tell me from whom you got your looks?From your dad or mom so we know who to blame for your ugliness’. From thatpoint on everybody called me ugly from the ugliest and I really had no answer forthese harsh words.
In the streets people (still) verbally attack me telling methat I am really ugly even despite the fact that I hardly know them at all Subḥana'llah.Even at work colleges tell me flatly that I am ‘genuinely’ ugly and why I amthat ugly. The most awkward moment in my life was when a friend invited me overand told me, where his spouse was present, that my appearance was truly ugly.The reason why this was my most awkward moment in my life is the fact that mostfriends try to find their friends a possible spouse but instead he invited meto humiliating me. Due to my physically unattractiveness I have only a fewfriends that I only meet at the mosque.
What I have encountered in life so far is not a reason to beupset/depressive and of course I know I live alone in my apartment with nobody.And yes I want to have a beautiful life like a spouse and attain the Barakahthat comes from marriage. But on the other hand hell fire is true andpunishment in grave is true and our beloved Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi WaSallam) is true and Jennah is true and the angles are true. Alhamdulillah Ihave my religion and the Sunnah of our beloved Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi WaSallam) with examples how to deal with my calamity like my physically unattractiveness.
So when you read this don’t panic if you’re an physicallyunattractive person please trust in the plan of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala becauseAllah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is the best planner. Just look how Allah Subhanahu WaTa'ala perfected you in detail like the way your reflexes work or the bone structurethat let you walk and sit down. The lungs that make it possible to breath andmake sure you can add Hassant and your eyes crying when reading sincerely the(translated) Quran. That is far more beautiful than an pleasing appearance for 65years.

[Muhammad]

:salamext:

Respected brother, welcome to the forum. : )

Your post is both saddening and inspiring. But know that beauty is not limited to what we look like, but also includes what we do, our faith and hearts. Indeed, the beauty of the hearts is the one which is more lasting and precious. No matter what the people say, see yourself in a positive light. Even your username on this forum should not be degrading or negative.

I wish to share two verses with you:

O Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts) and as an adornment; and the raiment of righteousness, that is better. [Al-A'raf:26]

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware. [Al-Hujurat:13]

May Allaah :swt: grant you the beauty which will help you in this dunya and akhirah, and grant you patience in all your trials, Aameen!

[uglyman]

Dear brother in Islam thank you for your reply but I think you must first replace yourself in someone's shoes i.e. being yourself physically unattractive before you can sincerely answer or give a proper feedback. You shared with me two Quranic verses one verse regarding wearing modest clothing i.e. covering private parts and the other verse is regarding that Allah create diversity on this earth to learn from each other. Please explain why you want to share with me these Quranic verses regarding being physically unattractive?

O Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts) and as an adornment; and the raiment of righteousness, that is better. [Al-A'raf:26]

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware. [Al-Hujurat:13]

Actually you don't give 'good' advise you only throw oil in the fire for someone who is desperate in search for someone who can relate to his or her suffering. But I appreciate your feedback but someone with low exaptation from Allah will understand your feedback totally opposite what you try to achieve. The reason why I wrote this post is because most of our 'ugly' brothers and sisters try to explain their suffer in wrong words and are trapped in posts like you have to be patient or believe in the will of God etc.

Please keep it real because nowadays without barakah in your appearance it's a lost cause especially with Facebook where your physically attractiveness plays a big role. Brothers and sisters that are physically unattractive i.e. ugly know this all too well! And to give them hope you need to point out to hadith of our beloved prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) to give them comfort. I will point out to a hadith that is actually cruel but on the other hand gives brothers and sisters that are truly physically unattractive a peace of mind known that in the time of our beloved prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) that appearance was also very import like as today the case is.

The wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thaabit regarding his religious commitment or his attitude, but I hate to go back to kufr after coming to Islam. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” She said: Yes. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said (to Thaabit): “Accept your garden, and divorce her (one talaaq).”

Habeebah bint Sahl was married to Thaabit ibn Qays, who was an physically ugly man. She said, O Messenger of Allaah, by Allaah, were it not for fear of Allaah, when he enters upon me I would spit in his face.

Thaabit ibn Qays (Radi Allahu anhu) was like what people would call today genuinely physically unattractive Muslim brother and the differences between him and brothers and sisters alike that are physically unattractive was that he met and lived in the time of our beloved Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). This hadith let us know that there is nothing wrong with being a genuinely physically unattractive Muslim brother or sister.

The only thing that makes them more desperate is giving them advise that will not benefit them but on the contrary will only help them not trusting in in the plan of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and that is what you must take in consideration.

[Scimitar]

Assalaam alaikum brother, and welcome to IB forum.

I'm almost forty very soon and not married subhaan-Allah.

What's worse is i'm not even ugly - I'm just very unfortunate due to the things I've done in my life in a past which now seems alien to me. yet, I pay now... and will continue to pay until Allah blesses me with a wife - but i'm not holding my breath - i've given up and truth be told - i'm ok with that.

Half my deen? if Allah wills, Allah knows i've tried man. And i'm fine about it too - as long as we know we did our best - we shouldn't worry about anything more than that - we keep our account with Allah and feel secure in the knowledge that HE wills.

Scimi

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum, brother. Welcome to the forum.

I have few friends who are far from handsome, but they have been married. And they are not rich.

But I am not surprised if there were women who were willing to accept them. Those men are indeed, physically far from handsome, but they are nice. They always kind and friendly to anyone although people often insulted them.

Brother, what is blocking you to find a wife actually is not your physical appearance, but your own feeling. I can see it from your chosen username. You convince yourself that there is no any woman who is willing to marry you just because physically you are not handsome.

You are wrong, my brother. There are women who see a man not on his physical appearance, but on his personality. My friends wives, for example.

I understand if you feel your life is hard. But try to smile when people insult you. In Shaa Allah then people will start to see your inner beauty that reflected from your beautiful personality.

By the way, you can start from change your username. There are many other usernames that you can choose.

:)

[uglyman]

Assalamualaikum, brother. Welcome to the forum.

By the way, you can start from change your username. There are many other usernames that you can choose.

:)

Salaam my brother in the Islam! Regarding my username uglyman has nothing to do with my way of thinking but rather that is what most people say about me. I see it as a therapy to accept my physically unattractiveness so that is why I chose this username. And again I am not frustrated or depressed Muslim but rather I want our Muslim brothers and sisters to know that being physically unattractive doesn't have to mean that they are cursed but rather that Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala loves the inside and He knows their suffering.

Again your friends are indeed blessed with marriage and that has nothing to do with their smiling or being polite in the face of unprovoked aggression i.e. insults but rather with the will of Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala. Again and I truly mean this you try to give good advise but someone with no barakah bestowed on his appearance can't suddenly get married by smiling or thinking that he or she is physically attractive what you suggest is that they will get deeper in depression when they see that your way of taught is actually bringing them nothing at all.

Can I ask you this question regarding how important physically attractiveness is for both sexes? I can tell you that deen like religious commitment reading Quran, praying the daily salaats and salaat Fajr etc. is nothing compered with physically attractiveness. Because that is what brings people together and creating harmony in the mirage and Islam is their to facilitate the good understanding. And you know what Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'alaan even puts Barakah in such mirages. It sounds strange but it is the reality my brother. A lot of muslim brothers try to marry a less attractive spouse only ending up divorcing them due to the fact they don't get (sexual) satisfaction while this is the most important role of margining in Islam.

So you have to be honest because Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala loves honesty above all; can you tell a blind person that he or she will eventually see in the future? No you can't because you give them feed for Satan. You have to tell them that Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala will give them the reward on the day of judgement that is more safe than rather telling someone something that only Allah SubhanahuWa Ta'ala can know.

[uglyman]

What's worse is i'm not even ugly

Scimi

Salaam my brother in Islam I have even tried to marry a divorced women and so on only to be rejected due to my 'ugliness' and you are telling me that you're not ugly at all:heated:? Please go find a spouse even if she is divorced and you will get blessings from for doing that also! What do you want more?

[ardianto]

I am familiar with women since I was kid and I grew up together with them. I have two sisters, I have female cousins, and I be friend with women since I was kid. So I know how the women are.

How important the man's physical beauty for women?. It's depend on which women. For immature teen girls, the man's handsomeness is indeed something that can make them obsessed. You can see it on those immature girls behavior when they see the handsome pop stars.

But mature women are different. For mature women, the man's handsomeness is not something that makes them fall in love because they focus on the man's personality. Mature women will not attracted to a handsome man who cannot appreciate them, but they have big sympathy to a man who far from handsome but has good self-confidence and has good attitude toward woman.

Self-confidence. This is the secret why my friends and many other men who far from handsome can get wives. Yes, my friends were often insulted, but they fought this with smile and good attitude toward the others. It made people have sympathy to them and made the women who then become their wives were willing to accept them.

My advice to the OP and other brothers who far from handsome is, build your self-confidence and good personality, then try to find a mature woman. So you will have enough chance to be accepted. If you are rejected by a woman just because your physical appearance, do not convince yourself that you will never accepted by a woman, but just realize that you have approached the wrong woman.

Okay bro?. :)

[uglyman]

My advice to the OP and other brothers who far from handsome is, build your self-confidence and good personality, then try to find a mature woman
Okay bro?.

Salaam my brother I think you are a married for a quite long time isn't it? But belief me time have changed the mature women nowadays are far from innocent and are comparable with teens. I have encountered myself their delusion only makes them older year by year and only willing to marry off with a physically attractive male. Actually mature women are more obsessed with outward beauty than an 18 year old teen. Why? I think I have the possible answer for that as well! What do you think of Turkish opera's on TV or reality TV shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians? This turns our Muslim sisters into monsters that are obsessed with worldly affairs.

On the other hand and I think you refer to a true Muslima that has her deen in her heart is actually hard to get by and they indeed search for a stable men with confidence in his deen instead of money and worldly affairs. What I can say to you is that time has changed in a negative way look around parents are obsessed with their children physical appearance when they see that their 10 year old son or daughter has crooked teeth. Why? All for the sake to be physically attractive that is why Muslims destroy each other while there are plenty of hadith that forbid even to beautify oneself by putting gaps between teeth let alone correct them.

I am not a negative person but what I see around me I can only conclude that this Ummah is nothing more than a façade only a few are truly fearful of Allah from their hearts and the rest are positive so long Allah don't test them with a calamity. That is why more and more Muslim men and women are unable to find a good spouse and it hurts me when seeing notably Muslims taking advantage of each other for what? Only for worldly affairs noting more.

[Scimitar]

Salaam my brother in Islam I have even tried to marry a divorced women and so on only to be rejected due to my 'ugliness' and you are telling me that you're not ugly at all:heated:? Please go find a spouse even if she is divorced and you will get blessings from for doing that also! What do you want more?

the last one was also divorced with a 7 year old. didnt work out.

[Muhammad]

:wasalamex

The reason I shared those two verses with you is because they highlight the virtue of Taqwa over physical beauty, and that this is what truly honours a person and brings them closer to Allaah :swt:.

I am sorry if something I said made you feel worse, although you don't know which of us are beautiful and which are ugly. It could be that people deal with the same trial in different ways. Being patient or accepting Allaah's will is not being 'trapped', but rather the sign of a believer. Facebook should not bother you - I am sure there are many beatiful people who don't use it, so it should not cause you to feel worse.

Brother, as Muslims we do not consider any hadith to be 'cruel'. The fact that a way is made out for spouses who are harmed by staying with each other and they cannot fulfil each others' rights, this is not cruelty but rather a mercy. Consider the following:

Ibn Mas’ood was trying to break a siwaak branch from an araak tree and he had thin legs and the wind started to buffet him, so the people laughed at him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “What are you laughing at?” They said, “O Prophet of Allaah, because his legs are so thin.” He said, “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, they will weigh more heavily in the Balance than Mount Uhud.” Its isnaad was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Sharh al-Tahhaawiyyah, no. 571, p. 418

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds. [Saheeh Muslim Book 45, Hadith 42]




Lastly, you should not say that you have no barakah in your appearance:

Beauty and ugliness are like sickness and health, wealth and poverty, and success and failure; Allah has distributed all provisions between His slaves through His vast wisdom, perfect mercy and abundant favour upon His slaves. Granting of any of those things or others is not an indication of Allah’s love for the one to whom He granted or provided those things. Nor is withholding any of them a sign of His displeasure towards the one being deprived. Allah says (what means):

“15. And as for man, when his Lord tries him and [thus] is generous to him and favors him, he says, "My Lord has honored me."
16. But when He tries him and restricts his provision, he says, "My Lord has humiliated me."
17. No! But you do not honor the orphan
18. And you do not encourage one another to feed the poor.
19. And you consume inheritance, devouring [it] altogether,
20. And you love wealth with immense love.”

(al-Fajr 15-20)

http://islamqa.info/en/178673

And Allaah :swt: knows best.

[legendaryman]

simple rule ,if someone making joke of your anything(such as name,height,face,shape) than ,when you are with him ,you should make joke of yourself of your (whatever it may be) before he crack a joke on it ,so that all the persons in that group will laugh on your joke or atleast on you ,this will less hurt full because there two things
1. no one is insulting you but you are making someone smile;D
2.that person will never try to make joke of your weakness(anything) ,as his intention to make people laugh (by insulting you ) will not fulfill ,as you are making yourself a laughter

[ardianto]

Salaam my brother I think you are a married for a quite long time isn't it? But belief me time have changed the mature women nowadays are far from innocent and are comparable with teens. I have encountered myself their delusion only makes them older year by year and only willing to marry off with a physically attractive male. Actually mature women are more obsessed with outward beauty than an 18 year old teen. Why? I think I have the possible answer for that as well! What do you think of Turkish opera's on TV or reality TV shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians? This turns our Muslim sisters into monsters that are obsessed with worldly affairs.

Salaam to you too, my brother.

I am 47 years old widower with two children. I got married in 1994 and my wife passed away in 2013. Yes, I got married long time ago. But from what I have noticed, the women are still same. I know it because I observe women around me from various age.

Mature women put the man's personality on the top in their consideration, although they still consider man's physical attraction. But how big contribution of man's handsomeness in their consideration is varies. For beautiful women, indeed, the man's handsomeness is important enough. But for women who are not beautiful?.

Okay, I will honest, my friends wives are not beautiful, but they are kind women, and my friends are happy with them.

Brother, are you willing to marry a woman who is not beautiful?. If you say yes, then there will be a woman who is willing to accept you. If you can judge a woman not from her beauty, then there will be a woman who can judge you from your personality.

Do not jealous to other men who can get beautiful women.

[ardianto]

simple rule ,if someone making joke of your anything(such as name,height,face,shape) than ,when you are with him ,you should make joke of yourself of your (whatever it may be) before he crack a joke on it ,so that all the persons in that group will laugh on your joke or atleast on you ,this will less hurt full because there two things
1. no one is insulting you but you are making someone smile;D
2.that person will never try to make joke of your weakness(anything) ,as his intention to make people laugh (by insulting you ) will not fulfill ,as you are making yourself a laughter

I strictly do not suggest anyone to make him/her physical appearance as object of joke.

If you want to make people laugh, it's better if you tell a funny story.

[uglyman]

Brother, are you willing to marry a woman who is not beautiful?. If you say yes, then there will be a woman who is willing to accept you. If you can judge a woman not from her beauty, then there will be a woman who can judge you from your personality.

Do not jealous to other men who can get beautiful women.

Salaam brother thank you for your honest answers actually I never ask beautiful would be spouses I only approach less 'attractive' (i.e. ugly) would be spouses. But you know my brother I am really honest with you if you have read my first post (topic post) you know people called me on an early age ugly. And I can testify that I am indeed not good looking. When I approach less 'attractive' would be spouses they don't find me attractive at all and to give them comfort I usually begin with my deen and they are on first-hand interested but afterwards they always say no due to my physically unattractiveness. I think it has to do that these Muslim would be spouses think they can get a better looking men if they reject me.

When I was 25 it really made me cry but as ages pass-by I can understand why I never had a chance to marry because when you're young you don't want to hear it. Now at the age of 38 I can finally live with the idea that I will be alone due to my physically unattractiveness. Most people who are physically unattractive are afraid to end up being lonely and that is also what I experienced when I was in my mid twenties. So that is why people start to hallucinated and get in panic that is why I say No don't give them answers that are meant for people who think that they are physically unattractive but in reality they are the opposite. Instead show hadith that can help them accept the Will of Allah and being alone is not a curse but a salvation on the day of judgment.

[uglyman]

the last one was also divorced with a 7 year old. didnt work out.

I don't get your point, but are you trying to crack a joke? I replied to him from a honest point I don't crack jokes in the middle of a genuinely conversation.

[ardianto]

I don't get your point, but are you trying to crack a joke? I replied to him from a honest point I don't crack jokes in the middle of a genuinely conversation.

What Scimitar means is, he has ever planned to marry a divorcee, but then this marriage plan failed after that woman decided to not marry him.

[ardianto]

Salaam brother thank you for your honest answers actually I never ask beautiful would be spouses I only approach less 'attractive' (i.e. ugly) would be spouses. But you know my brother I am really honest with you if you have read my first post (topic post) you know people called me on an early age ugly. And I can testify that I am indeed not good looking. When I approach less 'attractive' would be spouses they don't find me attractive at all and to give them comfort I usually begin with my deen and they are on first-hand interested but afterwards they always say no due to my physically unattractiveness. I think it has to do that these Muslim would be spouses think they can get a better looking men if they reject me.

When I was 25 it really made me cry but as ages pass-by I can understand why I never had a chance to marry because when you're young you don't want to hear it. Now at the age of 38 I can finally live with the idea that I will be alone due to my physically unattractiveness. Most people who are physically unattractive are afraid to end up being lonely and that is also what I experienced when I was in my mid twenties. So that is why people start to hallucinated and get in panic that is why I say No don't give them answers that are meant for people who think that they are physically unattractive but in reality they are the opposite. Instead show hadith that can help them accept the Will of Allah and being alone is not a curse but a salvation on the day of judgment.

Salaam from me too, my brother.

You were rejected by women due to your physical appearance?. My friends were rejected due to same reason before finally they met the women who now become their wives.

Yes, I don't want to deceive you and other men through saying that if a man was far from handsome he still had a chance to get a woman same like good looking man. I prefer to show the reality of difficulty that they must face and give an advice to pass this difficulty.

I know, there are women who want to marry only good looking men although those women themselves are not beautiful. But do you know bro?. In the end those women will be panic because they are becoming older while the men have stopped look at them. They are lucky if they still can get married.

One woman rejected my friend just because my friend is far from handsome. Now that woman still unmarried although she is almost 40, while my friend live happily with his wife and children. This is a reality that the sisters must know.

Okay, bro, I will not urge you to find a woman and get married if you don't want. But I want you to not again convince yourself that people will always look down on you because your physical appearance.

I know what people have done toward you because my friends have similar experience too. But my friend fought it with smile and good attitude toward people. Finally it makes people stop insult them. Indeed, people still see them not as good looking, but people have positive view on them. Like the comment about one of my friend. "He is absolutely not good looking, but he is a nice man".

You will not able to change your outer beauty, but you are still able to improve your inner beauty. So, try to improve your good personality. Always be nice to everyone, and always smile when someone insult you. In Shaa Allah, then people will have positive view on you and will respect you better.

:)

[hisnameiszzz]

Salaams brother.

I think beauty is in the eye of beholder. There was a girl in my class at school who had a lazy eye (one looked at you and one looked somewhere else), she was very fat and also very dark skinned. She used to get bullied something rotten at school. She is married now and has 2 children mashallah. There are a family of girls who live near me, all morbidly obese. They are all married too and have children and happy families subhanallah. A lot of people on here will be able to give you examples of people who are not classically beautiful or handsome and are married.

I know some people like to go after looks and money, but these days there are also people who looks for people who have good Iman and good character. For example, in our locality, if young men go to Jamaat, then they will get head hunted that way. It has nothing to do with what they look like or how rich they are. Parents look out for people who are Imandar and have a good character. By that I don't mean people who smile a lot or talk a lot. One of my friends used to go to Jamaat a lot. His now father in law used to go to Jamaat a lot too. The father in law was very impressed with my friend and arranged for him to meet his daughter and it all fell into place.

I have no idea what you look like and whether you are ugly or not really, but you seem to be an intelligent young man. You have an excellent grasp of English and you also seem very Imandar. You have very good knowledge of hadiths etc which you have pointed out on here. Why don't you concentrate on your positives? I fully understand how awful it must feel to have been bullied most of your life about your looks, but it is not the be all and end all of it. I know it's easier said than done and I apologise if you think I or the other posters are talking nonesense. The hurt you feel is your hurt and we can't contemplate what you have been put through.

If anyone ever tells you that you are ugly, just tell them to clear off. Allah did not send them as judges and they have no right to tell you what they think of you physically (unless you ask first, but even then, they have no right to be so callous and vicious). You are the way you are, because Allah wanted you to be like that.

Inshallah you, Uncle Scimi, Ardianto and myself (and everyone else who is single and looking) will all be able to find a good wife who will keep us happy and give us a good family. :D

[uglyman]

Salaams brother.


Inshallah you, Uncle Scimi, Ardianto and myself (and everyone else who is single and looking) will all be able to find a good wife who will keep us happy and give us a good family. :D

Allah is the best planner and the best fashioner and the best sustainer so yes one day Insha'Allah when I read back this forum in about 10 years from now we will exactly know who has found and hasn't found a spouse for life:phew

One day I dreamed a dream that I was preparing to get married and I was frantic to realize this next step in life as soon as possible. But suddenly I realized that I actually possessed only a pair of wedding shoes and didn't have a wedding costume while I knew I had one in my dream. When I woke up I began to hallucinated where this wedding costume could be laying around. But after two minutes or so I realized it was a dream and I began to laugh and praised Allah for this beautiful reminder that the son of Adam is driven by greed.

[M.I.A.]

The answer is simple my friend.

Get married to someone that does not call you ugly!

Leave ugly looking in through the window.. Don't open the door for it again.

Or get a blind friend to tell you which one to marry.

DD


...actually i take it back

Have patience and perseverance.

Allah swt raises and lowers as he wills.

[uglyman]

The answer is simple my friend.

Get married to someone that does not call you ugly!

Leave ugly looking in through the window.. Don't open the door for it again.

Or get a blind friend to tell you which one to marry.

DD


...actually i take it back

Have patience and perseverance.

Allah swt raises and lowers as he wills.

Your real name is Eddy Murphy isn't it? Well regarding leaving ugly outside my house is not a problem at all. But the moment I set a step on my porch ugly entraps me like a spider web entraps unsuspecting passant. Ugly is always lurking on me waiting to take advantage of meimsad

[ardianto]

Your real name is Eddy Murphy isn't it? Well regarding leaving ugly outside my house is not a problem at all. But the moment I set a step on my porch ugly entraps me like a spider web entraps unsuspecting passant. Ugly is always lurking on me waiting to take advantage of meimsad

Do not call yourself ugly, just describe yourself as not handsome like many other people. :)

[Scimitar]

has the Op considered marrying an "ugly" woman? can he see the beauty within her? has he experimented with his own thought processes and shunned his own hypocrisy?

If he feels so hard done by people who call him ugly, surely he can empathise with other "ugly" people, and so, make one his wife? if not - would he be instead, entertaining an hypocrisy within himself?

Why has he not considered these thoughts? is it because he is too caught up in his own ego?

Scimi

[Scimitar]

Your real name is Eddy Murphy isn't it? Well regarding leaving ugly outside my house is not a problem at all. But the moment I set a step on my porch ugly entraps me like a spider web entraps unsuspecting passant. Ugly is always lurking on me waiting to take advantage of meimsad

you playing the poor victim is stupid, grow a back bone will ya? you made this thread, invited a conversation and when people speak their mind, you act like a spoilt brat? who do you think you are? get a grip on yourself man. 38 acting 18 my word.


if MIA is Eddy Murphy, you are the grinch and the hunchback of notre dame rolled into one. People in glass houses throwing stones, oof the hypocrisy. reap what you sow kid.

Scimi

[uglyman]

if MIA is Eddy Murphy, you are the grinch and the hunchback of notre dame rolled into one. People in glass houses throwing stones, oof the hypocrisy. reap what you sow kid.

Scimi

Salaam brother why do you attack me on my honesty? Know you have shown your real face by calling me Grinch and hunchback of the Notre Dame. Why do you use such harsh words after I have taken a huge step in revealing my story? You actually using my pain and suffering to insult me and to throw dirt in my face and calling me spoilt brat!

[uglyman]

if MIA is Eddy Murphy, you are the grinch and the hunchback of notre dame rolled into one. People in glass houses throwing stones, oof the hypocrisy. reap what you sow kid.

Scimi

I will give you a thumb down for this post but can't find it anywhere so THUMB DOWN:hiding:

[Scimitar]

Brother - people on this thread have given you advise after reding your heart touching OP - but once they posted, you tooko the wrong end of their proverbial post and continued to rant off against well established members as if they had nothing but ill intent towards you - are you even feeling ok? Obviously not. You are clearly hypocritical in your posts and often lash out towards those who would wish you well - yet when someone like me points out the flaws in your thinking processes, suddenly I am attacking you? All I did was expose your own hypocrisy here for you to consider, sit back, and mull over.

I also posted something which got totally ignored by you, namely this:

has the Op considered marrying an "ugly" woman? can he see the beauty within her? has he experimented with his own thought processes and shunned his own hypocrisy?

If he feels so hard done by people who call him ugly, surely he can empathise with other "ugly" people, and so, make one his wife? if not - would he be instead, entertaining an hypocrisy within himself?

Why has he not considered these thoughts? is it because he is too caught up in his own ego?

why you get so hung up on silly things? why don't you concentrate on the meat of the posts? the worthy aspect which can help you to understand your own unique problems? LOOK - look at that quote i put in this post, and consider it... because in another thread there is a girl who considers herself ugly too - why not approach her if marriage is something you want to fulfil? she is alone, so are you, and you are both kindred spirits in that regard. I'm not your enemy - you are. Fix up.

Scimi

[ardianto]

The reason why I urge the OP to change his username is because I don't want to call him with that name and I don't want other people call him with that name too.

I don't want to call anyone as ugly because my fear to Allah, because my grateful for what Allah has given to me. Allah has given me something that made me easy to get someone in the time when I was looking for a wife. I was in position which the girls tried to get me. It could be happen because one cause, ... I am a good looking man.

Live as good looking man made me have sympathy for people who are not as lucky as me because I could see injustice that happen toward them. I often see people insult my friends just because they are far from handsome, while at the same time people praise me.

I could feel what my friends felt, I can feel what the OP feel. The OP is victim of injustice that happen in society.

We could not choose where and from who we would be born. I did not choose to become good looking, but Allah made it happen. Other people did not choose to become far from beautiful, but Allah made it happen.

So please, do not ever insult anyone as ugly because this is same as you insult a taqdeer that has decided by Allah. If you want to insult someone, you can insult me.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) Do you mind if I call you Abdul Musawwir instead? The reason for this is that our Prophet (SAWS) would change the names of people if they were not positive names. To have a negatively evocative name is not Islamic. (smile) People talk much about what is an Islamic name or not, but the truth is that what is important is that the name have a positive, yet not exaggerated or limit-crossing, meaning. Al-Musawwir is one of the Names of Allah. Perhaps you know it. It means: the Fashioner of Forms. (smile) To be the servant of the One Who Fashioned you would be an acceptance of your outwardly form, while affirming the Beauty of His Creation.

(smile) Because there is beauty. (mildly) Still, I feel there is a pain in you which is distorting your perception. I do understand that when you feel pain inside, the Light that comes in may be refracted, and misunderstood. (mildly) When I read Muhammad's first post, I perceived that he was trying to tell you about your inner beauty. But you perceived it differently, through the lens of your experiences.

You are very right. It is hard to be unattractive. (mildly) It is also hard to be old. Alone. Ill. Different. Poor. Addicted to something… (mildly) And you know, physical beauty is no guarantee that you will be treated well or that you will be happy. Especially for women, being beautiful can mean that corrupt men will want to possess you, and perhaps even use you to earn them money or other benefits from other men. And looks don't last… so even those Blessed and enjoying themselves in youth, may end up crashing in middle age. (smile) But probably you've heard this all before? And even knowing these things does not fully ease the pain. Still, we need to look at this truth. It does make a difference. Because if we can transcend our own pain and universalize it, we can learn empathy. (smile) And empathy is the soil out of which compassion, love and kindness grow. And these are things that bring us closer to Allah.

Still, we look for ways to ease this pain. As we should. Allah does not Expect us to seek hardship. Legendary suggested laughing at yourself. Ardianto felt this was not a positive thing. (mildly) I would suggest that it may be a strategy to help. (smile) I will give you an example. I arrived as an immigrant in Canada when I was nearly 14. I had a funny accent, I was awkward and I didn't behave as the popular kids did. So, just as I was at an age most desperate to fit in... I was massively teased, instead. It felt pretty awful. But then one day, when I was nearly 18, someone told me "You're weird!" for the n-th time in my life, in a really nasty voice...and something clicked. In the middle of the school library, I went down on my knees with my arms raised and declaimed loudly "Yes! I am weird! And I'm so happy to be weird! It means that I am unique and different! Oh thank you! Thank you!" (smile) The young woman was so startled and embarrassed (because yes, people were looking), she didn't know what to say. And she never bothered me again. And after that, each time someone said something about me being weird or different, I would smile hugely and say: "Yes! Thank you! I love being weird!" And within a pretty short period of time, people stopped saying this. (smile) And I made friends with some other "weird" people. And my life got much brighter.

I'm not sure if this would be termed "laughing at" yourself, but I wondered if this is what Legendary meant. (smile) And I thought I would offer it to you, in the hope it might give you some ideas that could ease you a little.


(smile) Anyway, I don't know if this helps you at all, Abdul-Musawwir, but I am pleased to make your acquaintance. If you can share some Light with us through this Forum, this would be a Blessing, indeed. And this is what counts for me. (smile) And perhaps for others in this wide world of ours.


May Allah, the Gentle, Help us to find ways to be good to one another.

[M.I.A.]

See op, just argue with people until you find your soul mate..

I'm kidding but only just.

All things seem to be a way of conveying what we believe in and who we are

As long as you don't lose sight of that then you can better represent yourself.

[ardianto]

Still, we look for ways to ease this pain. As we should. Allah does not Expect us to seek hardship. Legendary suggested laughing at yourself. Ardianto felt this was not a positive thing. (mildly) I would suggest that it may be a strategy to help.

Assalamualaikum, sister.

There is difference between ridiculed because something that is our choice, and being ridiculed because something that is not our choice. I often enough being called "weird" by people, but I always laugh because I indeed, have unique personality which is my own choice.

But if someone being ridiculed because his/her physical appearance?.

Birth is destiny that no one can choose. I am sure, if people could destine their own birth, they would choose to be born as good looking people because it's true, good looking people treated better by the others, while unattractive people often treated worse. This is the reality that I have felt and I have seen.

The unattractive people are human too who have heart, have feeling. They do not expect to be treated in special way, they just want to be treated same like other people. But what other people do toward them?. We can see it in the OP's first post.

If they could choose their birth, they would choose to be born as people with better physical appearance. But they could not choose. This is why they often ask in their heart "why I born like this?". I know that they cry in their hearts when other people ridicule them although they hide it. They can hide their cry, but I can see it in their eyes.

Yes, I don't see positive thing if the OP make a joke of himself because it will make people always insult him. But I see positive thing if he can build his personality.

I have few friends who are far from handsome, but they be liked by people because their attractive personalities. So I am not surprised if there were women who interested to marry them.

Build his attractive personality. This is the advice that I give to the OP.

[uglyman]

I also posted something which got totally ignored by you, namely this:


Scimi

Salaam brother I think you don't read my posts at all! If you had indeed read my posts you had an answer to your so called 'proposed' suggestions!

Again I made a huge step by revealing my story and you suddenly accuse me of hypocrisy? You should think twice or trice before accusing someone and using the same harsh words that I would received from individuals that are only concerned for themselves. This type of individuals always claim to be outspoken morality minded, but in reality they are far from it and don't mind to hurt the feelings from their own brethren.

[uglyman]

Build his attractive personality. This is the advice that I give to the OP.

Dear brother you touched my heart and the hearts that like me are in great need of understanding their difficulties that they are always confronted with namely being physically unattractive. Please don't underestimate this dilemma because only individuals like you who have encountered this in real-life whereas by themselves or observed it by their 'ugly' friends can testify that I speak the truth.

There is nothing more confronting than being called ugly all your life on something you want to use to attracted the opposite sexes and to live a happy life. You can't joke with your appearance because this is your way to success i.e. ticket to marriage and attaining Barakah. So making fun of someone's appearance for the sake to be exhumed from humiliation is a bad idea hence it will only make someone more desperate.

[Scimitar]

Salaam brother I think you don't read my posts at all! If you had indeed read my posts you had an answer to your so called 'proposed' suggestions!

Again I made a huge step by revealing my story and you suddenly accuse me of hypocrisy? You should think twice or trice before accusing someone and using the same harsh words that I would received from individuals that are only concerned for themselves. This type of individuals always claim to be outspoken morality minded, but in reality they are far from it and don't mind to hurt the feelings from their own brethren.

brother, you have not answered the question i am asking you - I am asking you direct here and now:

WILL YOU MARRY AN UGLY WOMAN?

it's a closed question, I only require a YES or NO answer... play ball, don't be a pain in your own thread.

Scimi

[ardianto]

Dear brother you touched my heart and the hearts that like me are in great need of understanding their difficulties that they are always confronted with namely being physically unattractive. Please don't underestimate this dilemma because only individuals like you who have encountered this in real-life whereas by themselves or observed it by their 'ugly' friends can testify that I speak the truth.

There is nothing more confronting than being called ugly all your life on something you want to use to attracted the opposite sexes and to live a happy life. You can't joke with your appearance because this is your way to success i.e. ticket to marriage and attaining Barakah. So making fun of someone's appearance for the sake to be exhumed from humiliation is a bad idea hence it will only make someone more desperate.

Salam, brother.

I do not underestimate your dilemma. I know, it's very hard for you to smile when someone ridicules you. But this is what you should do if you want people stop ridicule you. If you are not dare to make a change, then there will be no change.

Brother, please, do not always thinking that if you are physically unattractive, then people will not like you. You are wrong. There are people who physically unattractive, but they are be liked by other people because their attractive personalities. They always kind and friendly to other people. My friends, for example. Yes, I learn much from my friends, and my advice to build your attractive personality is based from my friends success.

I understand if you feel your life is hard. But, try not to surrender, bro. Try to smile as the first step in making the big change in your life.

Brother, will you smile at me?. Please reply this post and use smile emoticon if you decide to give me your smile.

[ardianto]

brother, you have not answered the question i am asking you - I am asking you direct here and now:

WILL YOU MARRY AN UGLY WOMAN?

it's a closed question, I only require a YES or NO answer... play ball, don't be a pain in your own thread.

Scimi

My brother Scimi, for what purpose you ask this question to the OP?. And why you call other people as ugly?.

I am familiar with experience when women call me handsome. But I never insult anyone as ugly because I understand their feeling.

[Scimitar]

bro ardianto, I am simply appealing to the OP's logic. nothing more, nothing less.... he really should answer the question if he is genuine.

Scimi

[M.I.A.]

TFW OP becomes rich lol.

I'm kidding OP..

Become a doctor

[ardianto]

bro ardianto, I am simply appealing to the OP's logic. nothing more, nothing less.... he really should answer the question if he is genuine.

Scimi

But you must understand the OP psychological condition. He always bullied by people and it makes him being sensitive.

Bro, if you ask that question to me, calmly I could answer "If I love her, why not?", but OP regard that question as a form of bullying because that question is indeed, one form of bullying that experienced by people like the OP. I understand if you didn't realize it, but I know it because I observe what happen in society.

People like OP do not expect to get beautiful spouse. They will be grateful if they can find women who can accept them although these women are far from beautiful. But statement like "Since you are ugly, you should marry the ugly too" will make them feel dumped from the society. Feel dumped from society, this is what makes them suffer.

My brother, please try to learn to understand other people's feeling.

:)

[Scimitar]

But you must understand the OP psychological condition. He always bullied by people and it makes him being sensitive.

Strange then, how he chose a very self deprecating username... he himself has used the word ugly, so I too have done the same. You know me bro, I don't mince my words, I tell it like it is... some people would prefer to be molly coddled but that to me is just emo rubbish which doesn't nurture ones progress... reflection does, and the OP has so far evaded the question...

Bro, if you ask that question to me, calmly I could answer "If I love her, why not?", but OP regard that question as a form of bullying because that question is indeed, one form of bullying that experienced by people like the OP. I understand if you didn't realize it, but I know it because I observe what happen in society.

The OP has said no such thing, all he said was "you haven't read my post" and I returned with "I'm asking you now, would you marry an ugly woman?" and the reason he has thus far not answered is because he is not comfortable with the answer... it's obvious to me... what is also obvious to me is that you are making excuses up for him. He has a will of his own which he is not exercising because you have answered for him although he probably does not even sponsor your opinion... he just wants to be molly coddled and you are doing a fine job of it bro Ardianto.

People like OP do not expect to get beautiful spouse. They will be grateful if they can find women who can accept them although these women are far from beautiful.

I would prefer if he answered instead of you. Truth.

But statement like "Since you are ugly, you should marry the ugly too" will make them feel dumped from the society. Feel dumped from society, this is what makes them suffer.

My brother, please try to learn to understand other people's feeling.

:)

Like you brother Ardianto, I am also very much aware of the social ills which pervade Muslim society in the modern age. Like you, I also feel that the OP has been hard done by his very own community and family and that is unacceptable... but you know what else is unacceptable?

Coming to this forum with a bias which makes one look like an hypocrite, don't get me wrong, I'm not calling him one - just pointing out the dangers of his inability to answer questions in his own thread - so far the OP has evaded a very important question and I am starting to believe that he is not genuine in wanting to resolve this issue of marriage.

There was another thread he posted in which a sister OP'd a post about her unable to find a suitable spouse due to her being not considered beautiful... the OP from this thread posted in her thread also, empathising with her... but when I ask him if he would marry someone like that, he goes strangely silent?

I mean, come on bro... really? Think for a second how much this UglyMan member is in need of some deep spiritual truths which he can only really realise upon much contemplation and reflection. I just try to speed up that process by giving hm questions which are difficult to answer because they are so personal to him. it is my method. Maybe you can appreciate it, maybe you can't. I'm not stopping you from helping him in your own way, maybe you should return the same courtesy to me?

Scimi

[Scimitar]

Salaam brother

Wassalaam.

my sister is unmarried, she is not what people would consider "beautiful" but - she has a heart which is incomparable and she is of a suitable age, 32... are you interested? We live in London UK.

Scimi

[uglyman]

Wassalaam.

my sister is unmarried, she is not what people would consider "beautiful" but - she has a heart which is incomparable and she is of a suitable age, 32... are you interested? We live in London UK.

Scimi

Salaam brother I was reading the forum from a distance to see how this topic would enrol itself and I never thought that you would consider marring me off with your sister. Yes indeed I am interested in marrying your sister Mash'Allah I didn't knew you would offer such an proposition I am literally speechless nevertheless I will be delighted to ask her hand for marriage.

But I have more of this proposals in the past and they all went up in vain because the women that I had contact with thought that they where better off i.e. had better appearances' than my appearance. Actually they were right but they had only a slightly advantage on me but they where so blinded by this that they didn't realize that they met a good hearted men unfortunately. The best part of all these women was they were rejected over and over again for not being beautiful but as soon as they see me they think HE is much uglier than we do and they get such ignorance unbelievable!

But if your sister can live with an ugly guy like me I will indeed enlighten her life with joy based on laughter and love that I have lost for nearly 15 years! So yes I can come over to live in England or else where with your sister and please ask her and tell about me and Inch'Allah she will agree.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdul Musawwir,


(mildly) You are so convinced that appearances are so vital… but you know, have you considered that women may have turned you down for other reasons than your appearance?

(mildly) Many men make the mistake of thinking that appearance is very important for a woman. (smile) Because it is so important for them! But it really isn't. Women tend to go for strength, and I don't mean physical… another mistake men make. (smile) Think of it… when we are pregnant and breastfeeding, we and our babies are very vulnerable. We look for protection. If a man is strong, he can protect us better. Wealth, power, intelligence… these are powerful attractions because they signal the ability to protect. Yes, physical strength counts for a bit. (mildly) But in these days, physical strength is not a very useful protection in many circumstances.

A man who is self-confident tends to project strength, even if his finances, etc aren't so good. So self-confident men tend to attract women (this is also why women may fall for unpleasant men; they fall for the false sense of security these apparently strong (but they are really very weak) men project).

Women also need affection. I think it's maybe because we are designed to cuddle our little ones when they are so in need of us. (smile) We are designed to be looking for affection, so that we can give it to our children when they need our physical and emotional care. But we also need it for ourselves. I can tell you, after a long day dealing with all the challenges children present, a mother really craves some affection to recharge her batteries.

Abdul Musawwir, you are so focused on your need for a woman, and you are so obsessed with your appearance, that I wonder if you realize how you are coming across? As a woman, I feel from you a lot of anger, immaturity and selfishness. Essentially, weakness. I note that you don't listen very well, or empathize, and that you don't seem to give much to others. (mildly) These are not attractive traits for a woman.

Ardianto is essentially correct in his advice to work on your personality. I really question whether your looks have as much to do with your difficulties in marrying, as you think they do.

(mildly) I would not normally mention these things so directly. But I feel that Scimi and his sister are now put in a difficult position. If she decides she does not want to marry you, you will attribute that to your looks. But it may well be that she might decide not to marry you for other reasons.

(sigh) If you want to convince a woman to marry you (and remain happily married), try to focus on what her needs are. And then try to fulfil those needs. Yes, a woman needs to do this for her husband, too. But I'm talking to you, right now.

(mildly) And if you don't want these things to be discussed on a public Forum, then I would suggest that you become a full member (you could contribute on other topics, too, and give us a better insight into your full character)… and that you and Scimi contact one another privately. This public discussion of something as sensitive as this is not respectful to a woman, in my opinion. It seems to me that it opens people up to getting hurt, embarrassed, and having their reputations harmed.

Please, can we continue any such conversations in private messaging?


May Allah, the Forbearing, Forgive us all for our weaknesses, and Help us behave in ways that are pleasing to Him.

[uglyman]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdul Musawwir,

...................etc

Please, can we continue any such conversations in private messaging?


May Allah, the Forbearing, Forgive us all for our weaknesses, and Help us behave in ways that are pleasing to Him.

Dear sister I think you forget one important thing and that is that you never saw me or let alone was present when I was in contact with the would-be partners. And secondly I want to make it clear that I am not beautiful I don't want to lie about it either. Sometimes there are people who are better off than you and there are people how are less fortunate than you. But in this case I don't want to lie about my appearance as mentioned the reason why most would-be partners turn me down is due to my looks.

How do I know this fact? They bluntly admit this to me and use it as a reason to 'dump' me and not regarding my confidence! On the contrary the would-be partners liked my knowledge regarding Islam and how I would like to see to raise my family. Every would-be partner admitted that I had a beautiful mind-set regarding achieving a happy family with Islam as guide line. The only thing that made them turn me down was their attitude as mentioned regarding looking better than my self and please do note that the son of Adam (SA) is greedy by nature especially when you see room i.e. to get a proposal from a better looking would-be partner.

To come back to the proposal from one of our fellow forum member: I don't want to lie about my appearance and I am obligated to give him a clear look into my physical attributes before he can ask his sister. And if that turned him or her down I can only say Maktab from Allah (Subhana Wa Ta'ala). I am not going to proclaim that I am physically attractive because if that was the case I would already be married and not been turned down by a dozen of would-be partners. So truth comes before boastfulness and I don't like to brag about something that I have or would have it only brings disappointment in life.

No I don't like to PM because there are people like me out there that can learn from this topic and make them accept themselves that they always will be viewed by others as more physically unattractive than they are. Believe me people like me are indeed unique we are the 35% that walk around with an invisible plate that says: You're so physical unattractive kick me and hurt me! I am honest because we are all greedy by nature including my self and truth is better than lying and to become less greedy is by being honest towards my fellow brothers and sisters. And Allah (Subhana Wa Ta'ala) loves the people how speak the truth even when it is hurting you a lot.

[uglyman]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdul Musawwir,

Abdul Musawwir, you are so focused on your need for a woman, and you are so obsessed with your appearance, that I wonder if you realize how you are coming across? As a woman, I feel from you a lot of anger, immaturity and selfishness. Essentially, weakness. I note that you don't listen very well, or empathize, and that you don't seem to give much to others. (mildly) These are not attractive traits for a woman.

Sister you make another wrong turn I am not in desperate need for a women and I am not obsessed with my appearance you make it sound like I am a psychopath that is on the brink of kidnapping or molesting a women due to my mental condition. Actually the reason why I started this topic was due to a story about a girl that realized that she will never be treat equally as her good looking friends. Her story resembles exactly what I have/still encounter everyday especially the injustice inflicted upon her due to the fact of being physically unattractive.

If you never experienced it please be grateful to Allah there is nothing more denigrating a human soul than playing the card of physical appearance. It's like stabbing and causing wounds that nobody can see what kind of damage it has caused. But like with every wound this wound can heal itself but when you are stricken over and over with the same knife i.e. with the card of physical appearance these wounds become immense and every time someone rejects you due to this knife i.e. physical appearance card the wound can't be healed and there is no joker card either only trust in Allah can heal the wounds over time.

Can you play a card game where you can't win a single game? This is exactly what someone like me and other people like me are playing known that you will always lose the game no matter what. Look at the hadith that I have posted ugly is like poor and beautiful is like rich and what do you ask Allah when you do Dua? Do you ask Allah to make you poor? Or do you ask Allah to grant you Barakah? Ugly is like darkness and beautiful is like light. Do you ask Allah to give you light or do you ask Allah for darkness? Do you know the hadith of the son of Adam (SA)? This hadith indeed encompasses also topic about physically appearances.

I don't accuse you sister this world is a test for everybody including the people how are blessed with a beautiful appearance and the less fortunate regarding their appearance.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdul Musawwir,

(sigh) I have no issue with you wanting to talk about yourself. I am asking that you respect Scimi's sister and not talk about her on the open Forum.

May Allah, the Wise, Gift you with what is best for you in this life and the Next.

[BeTheChange]

Aslamualykum!

Hope you are all in good health and the best of emaan in sha Allah.

I have read everyone's comments on here. I think everyone has good intentions here in sha Allah and everyone's trying to help in their own unique little way in sha Allah.

I don't know if my words will help - Allah swa knows best!

Alhamdulilah you have a potential proposal from brother Scimitar - in sha Allah this works out for you.

I don't know whether this is what you intended to 'gain' from this thread or whether you were looking for comfort brother?

I just wanted to remind you that yes marriage is half of your deen, but, if you have tried and tried and there is no results, then maybe it's just not meant to be?

Sometimes when we want something in this life it is not given to us.

A) Because, Allah swa knows what we want is not good for our life in the next world

B) Allah swa will replace our dua with whatever we wish in the next life

C) Other reason known to Allah swa.

There are many different men with different priorities and needs and there are also many different women with different priorities and different aspirations. I understand in many Asian cultures and other cultures it is very important to get married, and even in Islam. Sometimes you are seen as abnormal for not marrying. However, marriage shouldn't be our PURPOSE in life. Our purpose is to worship Allah swa so we should focus on this, in sha Allah.

Am not saying, you shouldn't try. Of course you should, if this is what you want (marriage), but don't be so much focused on marriage that you lose your MAIN priorities in life, i.e. to worship Allah swa.

Being 'ugly' (very subjective), is far more better than having a face which is disfigured, being 'ugly' is better than being in poor health, being 'ugly' is better than (in some cases) being 'attractive' as sometimes we can have ego's as a result, being 'ugly' is far much better as it may bring you much more closer to Allah swa, than for example, if you were 'attractive'.

I hope you have accepted your situation in life - embrace your situation - because we cannot self-harm ourselves. We cannot pity ourselves - we cannot put ourselves down or hurt ourselves so much that we look down upon ourselves - Allah swa forbids this! We have to love ourselves and look after our bodies as this is a trust from Allah swa!

I know you probably know all this, and am sorry am repeating what you already know & maybe it's easy for me to say this (i don't know), but there is soooooo much more to life than your physical appearance.

I know this is the first thing we see and yes we may get bullied as a result etc - it sounds as though you are genuinely traumatised by your experience - but what i would like to say is this - Don't let others define you - you define yourself (in line with Islam), and start treating yourself with RESPECT!! Don't let the situation dictate how your life will be - but you, empower yourself like sis Muslim In sha Allah has stated (in great detail), with confidence and respect.

If you don't respect yourself, how can others respect you?

I found this lecture useful called self image psychology - It can be found here - http://kalamullah.com/lectures.html

Scroll to the bottom you can download - please listen to this and try and act upon the advice.

May Allah swa help you acknowledge your beauty (outer & inner), May Allah swa put you in a good state of mind (if you are not already) Ameen.