Need help

[farhan3321]

Assalamu Alaikum brothers & sister!

I need your kind advice in order to solve my problem.
I am a 24 yo man and I am in love with an older woman aged 31 and she loves me too. I love her the way she is, no complaints, no demands. She is a divorcee and is living with her mother now. Her kids are with her ex-husband.

She is a victim of domestic violence and was never treated with love and care by her ex-husband. She was and is living from hand to mouth.

Sometime she agrees to marry me but often tells me that she is afraid of men and cant trust anyone.

I want to marry her so that I can make her happy. I want to give her everything that she ever wished for. She has not been happy for ages and is in continuous stress.

Because of her I am close to deen. Wallah I want to marry her and make her feel special and happy.

I told my parents that I like her but didnt get enough courage to tell them she is older than me and is married. I just want to know what should I do. Only thing I know is I cant leave her and cant imagine of her living a miserable life.

Need your advice. JazakAllah

[legendaryman]

I am a 24 yo man and I am in love

it haraam in islam to keep a girl friend, as it is a shirk

Praise be to Allaah. First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness, and I ask Him to increase the numbers of girls like you who are keen to maintain chastity and purity and adhere to the sacred limits of Allaah in their affairs, among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and transgress the sacred limits of Allaah, and Allaah tests them with problems that we read about and hear of, in which there is a lesson for every Muslim and for every wise person.
You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Hence you did well to cut off contact with this young man, and we hope that you will stop corresponding too, because correspondence is one of the greatest doors to corruption that have been opened for people nowadays. This has been discussed in a number of questions. See the answers to questions no. 34841 and 45668.
This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife or his slave woman, then he leaves her but that love remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away. End quote.
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (p. 147).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation). End quote.
Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/question no. 13)
Our advice to you is that it is essential to stop corresponding with this young man, and tell him that he has to propose to you through your wali, if he really does want to get married. He should not regard his material circumstances or anything else as a barrier. The matter is simple, in sha Allaah, and if a person is content with little, Allaah will make him independent of means by His grace and bounty. He should at least contact your wali and do the shar’i marriage contract, and if the consummation is delayed there is nothing wrong with that. But if it remains as a promise to get married, ande correspondence continues between you on that basis, this – according to the rulings of sharee’ah and the experience of real life – is a wrong path that opens the door to sin and corruption. You can be certain that you will never find happiness except by obeying Allaah and adhering to the limits set by his sharee’ah. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.
Your delay in getting married is very harmful for you. You are getting older and this young man’s circumstances are not improving; you are not marrying him and you are not marrying anyone else. Beware of delaying, for that will only cause harm. You should realize that one of these men who have proposed marriage may be more religiously committed and righteous than that young man, and there may be far greater love with him than there is between you and that young man.
And Allaah knows best.

if you may know the urdu language ??...you should must watch this video

with an older woman aged 31

there is no problem of age ,you can marry any women ,the big problem is this relationship itself ,and you have done a major shirk ,why did allah send you to this world ,why did allah giving you food ?? keep reading below

Why was mankind created?

Praise be to Allaah. Firstly:
One of the greatest attributes of Allaah is wisdom, and one of His greatest names is al-Hakeem (the most Wise). It should be noted that He has not created anything in vain; exalted be Allaah far above such a thing. Rather He creates things for great and wise reasons, and for sublime purposes. Those who know them know them and those who do not know them do not know them. Allaah has stated that in His Holy Book, where He says that He has not created mankind in vain, and He has not created the heavens and the earth in vain. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Did you think that We had created you in play (without any purpose), and that you would not be brought back to Us?”
So Exalted be Allaah, the True King: Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the Lord of the Supreme Throne!”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:115, 116]
“We created not the heavens and the earth and all that is between them for a (mere) play”
[al-Anbiya’ 21:16]
“And We created not the heavens and the earth, and all that is between them, for mere play.
We created them not except with truth (i.e. to examine and test those who are obedient and those who are disobedient and then reward the obedient ones and punish the disobedient ones), but most of them know not”
[al-Dukhaan 44:38]
“HaaMeem.
[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur’aan, and none but Allaah (Alone) knows their meanings.]
The revelation of the Book (this Qur’aan) is from Allaah, the AllMighty, the AllWise.
We created not the heavens and the earth and all that is between them except with truth, and for an appointed term. But those who disbelieve, turn away from that whereof they are warned”
[al-Ahqaaf 46:1-3]
Just as it is proven that there is wisdom behind the creation of man from the standpoint of sharee’ah (Islamic law), it is also proven from the standpoint of reason. The wise man cannot but accept that things have been created for a reason, and the wise man regards himself as being above doing things in his own life for no reason, so how about Allaah, the Wisest of the wise?
Hence the wise believers affirm that there is wisdom in Allaah’s creation, and the disbelievers deny that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, there are indeed signs for men of understanding.
Those who remember Allaah (always, and in prayers) standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose, glory to You! (Exalted are You above all that they associate with You as partners). Give us salvation from the torment of the Fire”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:190, 191]
And Allaah says, describing the attitude of the disbelievers towards the wisdom of His creation (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We created not the heaven and the earth and all that is between them without purpose! That is the consideration of those who disbelieve! Then woe to those who disbelieve (in Islamic Monotheism) from the Fire!”
[Saad 38:27]
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah tells us of His perfect wisdom in creating the heavens and the earth, and that He has not created them in vain, i.e., in play with no beneficial purpose.
“That is the consideration of those who disbelieve” in their Lord, because they think that which does not befit His Majesty.
“Then woe to those who disbelieve (in Islamic Monotheism) from the Fire!” Allaah created the heavens and earth in truth for truth. He created them so that His slaves might understand the completeness of His Knowledge and Power and the extent of His Might, and that He Alone is the One to be worshipped, and not those who have not created even an atom in the heavens or on earth. And that they might know that the Resurrection is true and that Allaah will judge between the people of good and evil. The one who is ignorant of the wisdom of Allaah should not think that Allaah will treat them equally when judging them. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Shall We treat those who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds as Mufsidoon (those who associate partners in worship with Allaah and commit crimes) on earth? Or shall We treat the Muttaqoon (the pious) as the Fujjaar (criminals, disbelievers, the wicked)?”
[Saad 38:28]
This does not befit Our wisdom and Our judgement. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa’di, p. 712
Secondly:
Allaah has not created man to eat, drink and multiply, in which case he would be like the animals. Allaah has honoured man and favoured him far above many of those whom He has created, but many people insist on disbelief, so they are ignorant of or deny the true wisdom behind their creation, and all they care about is enjoying the pleasures of this world. The life of such people is like that of animals, and indeed they are even more astray. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“while those who disbelieve enjoy themselves and eat as cattle eat; and the Fire will be their abode”
[Muhammad 47:12]
“Leave them to eat and enjoy, and let them be preoccupied with (false) hope. They will come to know!”
[al-Hijr 15:3]
“And surely, We have created many of the jinn and mankind for Hell. They have hearts wherewith they understand not, and they have eyes wherewith they see not, and they have ears wherewith they hear not (the truth). They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They are the heedless ones”
[al-A’raaf 7:179]
It is well known to wise people that the one who does a thing knows more about the wisdom behind it than anyone else and for Allaah is the highest description (cf. al-Nahl 16:60); He is the One Who has created mankind and He knows best the wisdom behind the creation of mankind. No one would dispute this with regard to worldly matters. All people are certain that their physical faculties have been created for a reason. The eye is for seeing, the ear is for hearing, and so on. Does it make sense for his physical faculties to have been created for a reason but for himself to have been created in vain? Or does he not agree to respond to the One Who created him when He tells him of the reason behind his creation?

Allaah has told us that the creation of the heavens and the earth, and of life and death, is for the purpose of testing, so as to test man. Whoever obeys Him, He will reward him, and whoever disobeys Him, He will punish him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And He it is Who has created the heavens and the earth in six Days and His Throne was on the water, that He might try you, which of you is the best in deeds. But if you were to say to them: “You shall indeed be raised up after death,” those who disbelieve would be sure to say, “This is nothing but obvious magic”
[Hood 11:7]
“Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the AllMighty, the OftForgiving”
[al-Mulk 67:2]
From this test results a manifestation of the names and attributes of Allaah, such as Allaah’s names al-Rahmaan (the Most Gracious), al-Ghafoor (the Oft Forgiving), al-Hakeem (the Most Wise), al-Tawwaab (the Accepter of Repentance), al-Raheem (the Most Merciful), and other names of Allaah.
One of the greatest reasons for which Allaah has created mankind – which is one of the greatest tests – is the command to affirm His Oneness (Tawheed) and to worship Him alone with no partner or associate. Allaah has stated this reason for the creation of mankind, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And I (Allaah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:56]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., I have created them so that I may command them to worship Me, not because I have any need of them. ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “except that they should worship Me (alone)” willingly or unwillingly. This is the view favoured by Ibn Jareer. Ibn Jurayj said: i.e., except that they should know Me. Al-Rabee’ ibn Anas said: “Except that they should worship Me”, i.e., for the purpose of worship. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/239
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah, may He be exalted, created mankind to worship Him and to know Him by His names and attributes, and to enjoin that upon them. Whoever submits to Him and does what is enjoined upon him will be one of those who are successful, but whoever turns away from that, they are the losers. He will inevitably gather them together in the Hereafter where He will reward or punish them for what He commanded and forbade them to do. Hence Allaah mentions how the mushrikeen (polytheists) denied the reward or punishment, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But if you were to say to them: ‘You shall indeed be raised up after death,’ those who disbelieve would be sure to say, ‘This is nothing but obvious magic’”
[Hood 11:7]
i.e., if you were to speak to these people and tell them about the Resurrection after death, they would not believe you, rather they would reject your words vehemently and deny the message you brought, and they would say, ‘This is nothing but obvious magic,’ but in fact it is obvious truth. End quote.

Tafseer al-Sa’di, p. 333

based on above you have done shirk ,and now ask forgiveness from allah and leave this girl and get as much as islamic knowledge ,
you know when opposite genders meet ,the so called love is not love ,it is hormonal and it is lust ,
Before Marriage
1) Both try to show each other what is good in them because those spend lesser time with each other
2) Tries to imagine the life will be pleasant as they are imagining
3) While meeting with each other those are not taking any pressure of society and parents
4) They are not bothered about third person which can be their child also
5) Mostly before marriage the Guy follows Girl and Girls feels that it will happen all the time in life

After marriage
All reverse thing happens
1) Those get aware about each others good and bad habits and they are not prepared for them
2) Practical problems like money / too much expectation from each other arises
3) The family pressure and society pressure builds around them like parents interference and relatives interference in life.
4) The third person like brother / sister / child enters in between, rather than giving time to partner he / she have to spend time with the third person and problem arises. Mostly women who imagined that she will only remain with her hubby, but she does not understand hubbies responsibility towards his parents (mostly it is concerned with Indian culture).
5) Mostly the man earns and women remains at home. So women expects more time from man but due to work pressure and money requirements man / guy can not provide enough time to women. Also as man / Guy moves outside and have more society active expects women to follow him and this becomes beyond imagination of women / Girl.

The abstract is while loving those do not take any look towards those parts of life which are essential, those imagines only both of them and no one will enter in their life and in practical there are many responsibilities which they have to bare.
and most importantly , can you live happy by transgressing allah ?


and shaitan is your biggest enemy ,shaitan says:
by beautifying this world in your eyes ,i make it magical ,hard to resist tough to reject ,wealth ,power, fame ,and women become center of all thoughts

[Signor]

Waalikum Asslaam

I replied to a similar question last year in the thread below:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-a...ml#post1606191

I am hopeful it will be helpful Insha Allah.

[sister herb]

it haraam in islam to keep a girl friend, as it is a shirk

Salam alaykum

He didn´t tell in his post that this woman is his girlfriend. Feeling love to someone is not haram. Try to be less censorious next time!!!

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[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Farhan,


(smile) I think it is a beautiful thing that you care about this woman. If more Muslim men thought about looking after women the way you are contemplating… we would have stronger families, and a better Ummah, I believe.

I know a couple rather like what you are describing. They have had some ups and downs, but things seem to be working out for them. (smile) They are expecting their third child now.

You'll have to tell your parents sooner or later. I would suggest, though, that you do a little homework, first. You need to realize that you are likely to confront some difficult situations, and prepare yourself for them. If you are prepared, you will also be able to discuss the problems with your parents in a way that may help them to realize that you are ready for the challenges.

Men can be strangely possessive at times. They may not want a woman anymore… but they may also not want anyone else to marry them. You may therefore have to deal with her unpleasant ex. Her children are likely to be a source of continuing grief for her, and for you. If the ex is abusive towards them, if he poisons them against her, if they are in any sort of trouble (and children from broken and abusive homes are more likely to have problems with the authorities, gangs, drugs…)… she, and you, are likely to feel pain. If you have contact with these children, it will be hard for you to be respected by them. And as you are young, with perhaps little experience in dealing with children, it will be hard for you to know how to handle them.

You might want to look into the woman's family. What sort of relationship has she had with her parents? Any siblings? Other family members? I'm not saying that you should condemn her if there are any problems there; but be aware that our first love relationships with our families have lasting impacts on our future relationships. If you can understand the family dynamics, you can make informed choices, and perhaps find ways to deal with whatever issues there may be.

How to do your homework? There are various books about blending families, dealing with children, family relationships, legal recourses… (smile) you name the problem, there is likely to be a book about it. Look around. You could also talk with her family members (preferably with a mature person with you to help you), and try to get a feel of the dynamics. Take your time. People may put up a good front at first… but if they are false, this shows over time. Are there any patterns of behaviour that may be problematic? Are there steps you or she can take to mitigate them?

If possible, you could also look into the ex. What is known about him? His family? How could he impact your life? What could you do to minimise possible negative impacts?

The children are with him. Why? Does she have any access to them? Might they live with you on a part-time basis?

You could also look into the possible positive aspects of this woman. She is obviously capable of having children (unless she's taken steps otherwise… have you talked about children?). She has, presumably, some experience with dealing with children and running a household. Does she feel grateful towards you? Does she respect you? Would she be happy with less than some other women might? She has had her faith tested… is it strong?

You say she is hesitant to marry again. That she is afraid to trust. Would she be willing to work on these before you marry? Would she be willing to go for counselling? Is she able to see what mistakes she made during her marriage (we all make mistakes)? Is she willing to take responsibility for her life, and make some changes?

(smile) There are a lot of questions. But if you want a successful marriage, and if you want to show your parents that you are ready to take on these challenges, these are all things to consider.

(smile) And of course, after you have done all your homework, there is the istikharah prayer (http://www.islamicity.com/articles/A...ef=MM1201-4985).


May Allah, the Distressor and the Source of Good, Bless you for your good intentions, and may He Smooth your way if this is good for you in this life and the Next, and Turn you from it, if it is not.

[ardianto]

Waalaikumsalam Farhan.

You are young unmarried man while she is a divorcee with children?. .... Hmm, I am not sure your parents will approve you to marry her if they know about her status because normally parents want their young unmarried son marries a girl. Different than if their son has ever married before.

But, there is still possibility your parents will approve you to marry her if you can convince them. One of my brother in-law married older woman with child. Few of my acquaintances too.

My advice to you is strengthen your financial capability. So you will have strong position when you lobby your parents. Show your parents that you have capability to provide a home for your wife although just rent a house, and you are able to fulfill you and your wife needs, without help for your parents. In Shaa Allah, your parents will be easier to be convinced to approve you marry her.

And always make dua. Wish Allah give you easiness. :)

[Signor]

Waalikum Assalaam

Sometime she agrees to marry me but often tells me that she is afraid of men and cant trust anyone.

I want to marry her so that I can make her happy. I want to give her everything that she ever wished for. She has not been happy for ages and is in continuous stress.

Because of her I am close to deen. Wallah I want to marry her and make her feel special and happy.

Besides the advice I(and others) have shared already,Remember bro,Marriage is based on rational choice not on sympathy.Amy Bloom,an American writer and psychotherapist once said:“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner". Do not think you are helping anybody by marrying them.Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. When man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees that he stop considering what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. You should not forget to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into your own desires.

Sympathy will go away soon, leaving only reality.

[legendaryman]

Salam alaykum

He didn´t tell in his post that this woman is his girlfriend. Feeling love to someone is not haram. Try to be less censorious next time!!!

:wa:
there may be misunderstanding in my understanding .,if it is a islamic love then no problem but islamic love can only be generated islamically,it has rules and that too between Islamic genders

she loves me too

in islamic love women can't directly tell without her wali ,that she love him

I love her the way she is, no complaints, no demands

again

I want to marry her so that I can make her happy

this is purely sympathy and a fake love

Because of her I am close to deen

may be this man not islamic before ,he meet her

Only thing I know is I cant leave her and cant imagine of her living a miserable life.

in islamic love ,you have leave your love immediately if your parents are not agreed or the girls wali has some problem with you ,or if there exist some relationship problems with your parents.

living a miserable life

how can life be miserable without that girl?this is shirk.
thinking about same girl ,day and night and saying i can't marry any one else ,this is fake love and it is haram and a greatest sin

but didn't get enough courage to tell them she is older than me and is married.

he should talk to to his parents and take a immediate action,islamic love is simple and straight

[ardianto]

@legendaryman

Men and and women were created to attracted to each other. So, it's natural if a man and a woman attracted to each other. But of course, Islamically they should get married to make their love become halal.

Brother Farhan want to marry that woman because he wants to make his love become halal. But the problem is, he knows his parents maybe will not approve him to marry that woman because she already has children. Brother Farhan created this thread because he need advice to make his parents approve him to marry that woman.

Okay, bro, do you have idea for brother Farhan to convince his parents to approve his intention to marry that woman?.

[sister herb]

how can life be miserable without that girl?this is shirk.
thinking about same girl ,day and night and saying i can't marry any one else ,this is fake love and it is haram and a greatest sin

Salam alaykum

By that your comment I can understand a lot. You haven´t never been enamored. This is just the way how person who is in love thinks. It is not sin at all, not shirk. It is the most natural way the feel.

Please, don´t judge others.

:statisfie

[legendaryman]

Okay, bro, do you have idea for brother Farhan to convince his parents to approve his intention to marry that woman?

now considering that this is not haram relationship and the girl, and her wali doesn't have any problem with brother farhan
Thus in my humble opinion, it would be best if he could with absolute humility, tenderness, politeness, wisdom and extreme patience try to convince his parents to consent to his choice in marriage and after trying too much and too much. ,But if after his best efforts they are still adamant in their refusal, and he have to choose between his parents and the girl, as she already have children my sincere advice to him would be to sacrifice his love for the girl and choose his parents. Allah is our witness brother, he will always find another person to love and marry; but never ever will you be able to find another set of parents!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it

and in another version of hadith

Abu 'Abdur-Rahman As-Sulami narrated from Abu Ad Darda'.:
He said that a man came and said : "I have a wife whom my mother has ordered me to divorce." So Abu Ad-Darda said: " I heard the Messenger of Allah saying: 'The father is the middle gate to Paradise. So if you wish, then neglect that door, or protect it.'"


حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ بْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ، عَنْ عَطَاءِ بْنِ السَّائِبِ الْهُجَيْمِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ السُّلَمِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي الدَّرْدَاءِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، أَتَاهُ فَقَالَ إِنَّ لِي امْرَأَةً وَإِنَّ أُمِّي تَأْمُرُنِي بِطَلاَقِهَا ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو الدَّرْدَاءِ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ "‏ الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ فَإِنْ شِئْتَ فَأَضِعْ ذَلِكَ الْبَابَ أَوِ احْفَظْهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ وَقَالَ ابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ وَرُبَّمَا قَالَ سُفْيَانُ إِنَّ أُمِّي وَرُبَّمَا قَالَ أَبِي ‏.‏ وَهَذَا حَدِيثٌ صَحِيحٌ ‏.‏ وَأَبُو عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ السُّلَمِيُّ اسْمُهُ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ حَبِيبٍ ‏.‏

Grade

: Hasan (Darussalam)

Reference	: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1900
In-book reference	: Book 27, Hadith 4
English translation	: Vol. 4, Book 1, Hadith 1900

http://sunnah.com/tirmidhi/27/4

Although the consent of the boy’s parents is not an obligatory condition of a marriage in Islam, it would only be piety and righteousness on the part of the son to make sure that he has the approval and consent of his parents before he marries the girl. If for any reason one finds that their parents are just not willing to consent to their choice, it would be better to marry another girl whom the boy and the parents both approve of….for marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary), but to obey one’s parents is ‘Fard-ayn’ or absolutely obligatory upon every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

Umair, A Companion of the Prophet (ﷺ) said: A man asked him (the Prophet): Messenger of Allah, what are the grave sins? He replied: They are nine. He then mentioned the tradition to the same effect. This version adds: "And disobedience to the Muslim parents, and to violate the sacred House, your qiblah (direction of prayer), in your life and after death.

حَدَّثَنَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ يَعْقُوبَ الْجُوزَجَانِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ هَانِئٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَرْبُ بْنُ شَدَّادٍ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَبِي كَثِيرٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الْحَمِيدِ بْنِ سِنَانٍ، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ بْنِ عُمَيْرٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، أَنَّهُ حَدَّثَهُ - وَكَانَتْ، لَهُ صُحْبَةٌ - أَنَّ رَجُلاً، سَأَلَهُ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا الْكَبَائِرُ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ هُنَّ تِسْعٌ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ فَذَكَرَ مَعْنَاهُ زَادَ ‏"‏ وَعُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ الْمُسْلِمَيْنِ وَاسْتِحْلاَلُ الْبَيْتِ الْحَرَامِ قِبْلَتِكُمْ أَحْيَاءً وَأَمْوَاتًا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

Grade

: Hasan (Al-Albani)

حسن (الألباني)

حكم :

Reference	: Sunan Abi Dawud 2875
In-book reference	: Book 18, Hadith 14
English translation	: Book 17, Hadith 2869

Respected brother, if you went ahead with the marriage without your parent’s approval, the marriage itself would be legal….but your getting married without your parents approval would be against the etiquette of piety and righteousness.
Piety and righteousness dictate that you either, in all humility, convince your parents; or accede to their demand to postpone the marriage. Marriage in Islam is but a ‘Sunnah’ (voluntary)….but to obey your parents is a ‘Fard-Ayn’ (Absolute Obligatory); and an obligatory act should always take precedence over a voluntary act .

but again if it is haraam relationship ,he should forget her and turn towards allah

[legendaryman]

You haven´t never been enamored

yeah till now i have not get married

[sister herb]

yeah till now i have not get married

Salam alaykum

You will learn kind of feelings. If not to your future wife, then to your future children.

:statisfie Then you will understand why kind of feelings of love are natural.

[Lisa921]

I think muslimah insha allah has some good points and advice.
I would do my research first to make sure I am mature enough to handle the challenge of marrying her. its definitely not something to take lightly that she had kids and they are with an abusive ex-husband. That's the kind of thing that will follow her all her life and she will need help, ie. counsoling, to deal with it.
Perhaps she sees you has a hero figure and that's what you want to avoid.
You can suggest the website called abandonment.net to her. there is a a really good book that goes along with that. it will help her heal from the lost relationship and losing her kids. Then she can decide clearly if she is ready for another relationship. The last thing you want to be is a rebound relationship. It will only hurt you and her in the long run. So take your time, like musliminsha allah said, do your research first.
I wish the best for you.
Lisa