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smallkid
05-25-2015, 09:54 AM
I am Alhamdulilah 26 years financially well, and educated person. I am Master in the field of Study and my family owns multiple businesses.

My problems:

I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making

I am always confused. I cannot take my decisions and have to overthink about the issues, which has caused me great grief and distress in my life.

In school, I was a topper, and achieved alot. However, I have little or no confidence left now, and I think everybody just hates me or will make fun of me. This has caused me not to make new friends (I also think that I cannot make new friends)

Thirdly, my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well. I want my parents to take the decision rather than me. However, I want my family to get over the thinks quickly so that I can focus on new things in life. This seems a distant reality now. I dont think so that I will ever be able to get married because of my attitude and personality (very weak personality and no one seems to like me)

I have never had bad habit, but I have been continuously in depression, and I believe that Allah is against me. This leads me to think alot against Islam and Allah. However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.

Sometime back I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life. It seems that the only thing God has bestowed me is a good family and financial background.

However, I feel that even if my parents are going to ask some girl for proposal I am going to get rejected because of poor personality, and skills. I remember the times in schools, and college when I could not utter a word in front of girls, Now I feel like my personality has gotten worse.

I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.


Is there any way to end this ? Please dont tell me that God doesnot burden you with more than you can handle, because it very easy for you to say that, and I have been burdened more than I should be. It is easy for Sheikhs and Maulana's to talk about depression, and how Allah helps everyone, however it is very easy for them to say thing because they havent been through any of this.
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BeTheChange
05-25-2015, 12:12 PM
Asalamualykum,


Am sorry to hear you're having a difficult time and your state of mind is not in a good place.


Reading your post, i felt very upset about the negative thinking you have towards Allah swa.


One verse i found very relevant to your situation.


ALLAH does not change a people´s condition unless they change what is in their hearts…. [13:11]


This verse reveals that ALLAH Grants good to people when they strive and make effort for it with a pure clean heart, free of ailments like shirk, greed, falsehood, jealousy etc. which make the heart diseased. To see an alteration in a particular situation, on individual or collective level, this key point is given to us.


Here attention is being drawn to the inner self, which is hidden and can easily be covered up to deceive others, and one may pretend and act in a particular way, with little willingness and involvement from the heart, in circumstance when one has little choice to opt for options.


ALLAH is calling our attention and making us aware of the fact that He Has access to our inner selves and knows our intentions and thoughts, and our Master Coveys to us that He wants purity at the very basic level, i-e our thoughts and intentions, and He only accepts deeds of such high rank.


If you wish to read more, please visit:- https://www.facebook.com/KhilafahOnl...82475338505182


You said your hasty in your approach and you were praying for a month and then stopped. Maybe this is where you went wrong? You can't expect to be good for a certain period and then expect miracles from Allah swa. It doesn't work like that. I know you're not suppose to share your sins with people (because no one knows me here maybe Allah swa will forgive me). I will share my experience in the hope you will be able to change your life for the better. Ameen.


I never used to be consistent with my prayers. Some years i was very good and other years i was very bad. For a long time i never prayed and then ramadan 2014 came and this was the best ramadan for me. I hated the person i had become. I never used to feel guilty for missing my salaah and it was a normal practice for me not to pray. Ramadan 2014 came and Alhamdulilah, i stopped saving everything for tomorrow. I used to ALWAYS have the intention i will do this tomorrow and like most people, tomorrow never came!!


It has been a year now since i have been consistent with my prayers and i feel so much internal happiness. Honestly, i can't express in words but i feel content with life and i KNOW if am in a happy or sad situation this has come from Allah swa and Allah swa will get me through this. I don't give Allah swa a timescale to improve my situation. I get through life with HOPE in Allah swa.


If you read about our prophets am SURE this will inspire you.

For example, i love the story of Yunus PBUH. Yunus PBUH got swallowed by a whale so he had 3 layers of darkness around him. The darkness of the night, the darkness of the sea and the darkness of the whale. When Younus PBUH was inside the whale he thought he had died but then he realised he could move his legs. He never gave up hope. He recited a dua which is so POWERFUL that Allah swa accepted his dua and the whale opened his mouth once again and delivered Yunus PBUH to land. The story doesn't stop there, with the sun beaming it's rays Yunus PBUH skin was burning with the heat of the sun. Allah swa mercy was shown again by the sea gathering some leaves to protect Yunus PBUH body.


If it helps you when you are distressed, you can recite Yunus PBUH dua:-

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laa ilaha ila anta sub-haa-naa-kaa inee kuntu minadaaa-limeeen.


We learn the following lessons from this story:


the need for patience in all our affairs
the reward for acknowledging our mistakes / weakness
repenting for the wrong done
constantly praising Allah and seeking Allah’s forgiveness (that can then help later in challenging situations.)

Sorry it's a long post but wanted to STRESS on the importance of changing your views and relationship with Allah swa. Allah swa loves us more than our mothers. I know i can't comprehend this amount of love, so we should NEVER doubt Allah swa. We human beings wrong ourselves.
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BeTheChange
05-25-2015, 12:18 PM
Also, one more thing maybe you're hasty in your approach because you are searching for some tranquility and peace within your soul and life?

Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest (13:28).

In terms of personality, none of us are perfect but as long as you are trying and struggling to change yourself. You WILL get there one day in sha Allah. Controlling your anger takes practice and time and this is something you need to invest in your character. Nothing is done over-night.

Please visit this link http://www.kalamullah.com/personality.html for information regarding personality development!

One final point, confidence comes from WITHIN. If others around you are putting you down, don't let their views of you dictate who you are or your confidence. I've met a few people who have thought negatively of me but i have used their negative comments as internal strength to overcome the situation and exceeded my expectations of me and others expectations of me. You are capable of anything as long as you have internal strength and perseverance.

I wish you well and i hope you find peace within yourself Ameen
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Alpha Dude
05-25-2015, 12:54 PM
Asalamu Alaykum brother,

May Allah make things easy for you, give you confidence and marry you to a pious sister. Aameen.

However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.
On this, I'm not sure if you are being literal with the bit in bold - but we can only ask Allah for help. Prophet PBUH is not All Seeing, All hearing and he cannot of his own self grant us help. Only Allah can. We make dua/request help from Allah.

Sometime back I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life. It seems that the only thing God has bestowed me is a good family and financial background.
Secondly, you mention above that you started praying in congregation in the hope that Allah will have mercy on you. This is a major incorrect attitude you have. We have to pray to Allah because it is our duty to do so. Even if we are being persecuted, beaten up, have no money, no food, no limbs, ridden by disease, that does not make us lose our obligation of praying. The point I'm making is that we don't pray for the sake of worldly benefit but we pray because Allah is worthy of worship and it is his right and our duty as slaves to do it. We have to realise the grand scheme here.

no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.
You have to make that effort to get to know people.

To be honest, it seems you just lack confidence in yourself. If you don't already, go to the gym, lift weights, do some sprinting, make yourself physically fit and you will feel confident as a result of the physiological changes in your body. :)

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smallkid
05-25-2015, 01:04 PM
I hit the gym as my only hobby in life. Yet no improvmenr in personality or attitude.
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 01:11 PM
The only thing that is helping me these days is two packs of cigarettes an hour before sleeping. Otherwise, I would have given up on my life already.
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Alpha Dude
05-25-2015, 01:12 PM
Contentment is what you're missing. You should aim to be content with whatever happens in your life, be it good or bad. Just move on, draw a line under the bad things that happen and look forward. Never think about the past and what could have been - only use any negative experience as something to learn from for the future.

The mind is powerful. Positivity begets positivity. Consistently being positive will lead you to be more confident.
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Muhammad
05-25-2015, 01:16 PM
:salamext: brother and welcome to the forum,

I am sorry to hear of the problems you are going through. There is a lot of negative thinking in your post which needs to change. Islam teaches us to think positively about Allaah :swt: and to have an optimistic attitude. Strengthening your relationship with Allaah :swt: will help you in being confident and strong in yourself :ia:.

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I have never had bad habit, but I have been continuously in depression, and I believe that Allah is against me. This leads me to think alot against Islam and Allah. However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.
Allah :swt: is the only one who has the power to bring about good and protect us from evil. He is our Creator, Sustainer and Owner of everything. All of our worship must be directed to Him alone. Du'a is an important act of worship and this too must only be directed to Allaah :swt: alone. We are not allowed to make du'a to any of His creation as this would be regarded as shirk, the biggest sin in Islam. That is why you must only ask from Allaah :swt: and not the Prophet :saws:.

Some sites/threads with more information:
http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/ar...mic-monotheism
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...onotheism.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...divisions.html
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 01:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I am Alhamdulilah 26 years financially well, and educated person. I am Master in the field of Study and my family owns multiple businesses.

My problems:

I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making

I am always confused. I cannot take my decisions and have to overthink about the issues, which has caused me great grief and distress in my life.

In school, I was a topper, and achieved alot. However, I have little or no confidence left now, and I think everybody just hates me or will make fun of me. This has caused me not to make new friends (I also think that I cannot make new friends)

Thirdly, my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well. I want my parents to take the decision rather than me. However, I want my family to get over the thinks quickly so that I can focus on new things in life. This seems a distant reality now. I dont think so that I will ever be able to get married because of my attitude and personality (very weak personality and no one seems to like me)

I have never had bad habit, but I have been continuously in depression, and I believe that Allah is against me. This leads me to think alot against Islam and Allah. However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.

Sometime back I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life. It seems that the only thing God has bestowed me is a good family and financial background.

However, I feel that even if my parents are going to ask some girl for proposal I am going to get rejected because of poor personality, and skills. I remember the times in schools, and college when I could not utter a word in front of girls, Now I feel like my personality has gotten worse.

I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.


Is there any way to end this ? Please dont tell me that God doesnot burden you with more than you can handle, because it very easy for you to say that, and I have been burdened more than I should be. It is easy for Sheikhs and Maulana's to talk about depression, and how Allah helps everyone, however it is very easy for them to say thing because they havent been through any of this.
Salaam bro... you think you got it bad? If you ever find out about me, you may feel humbled. Count your fortune and remember how blessed you are for having your life, business and family around you - these are what matter most in dunya... just work on akhirah. I think you may be trying to hard and over thinking your issues... I'll share a secret with you. The secret to winning hearts is to appear happy (even if you are not) and to be helpful (even if you are lazy) - these two - happiness and helpfulness will win hearts... just don't expect a return in a way you can measure - because no one can measure the content of an heart except Allah.

You will however, over time, learn that you are worth more than your self analysis.

Scimi
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 01:42 PM
Thankyou for trying to help.

The real issue is some people get one or two problems in life and they can console themselves for their other good traits. In my case, i have been screwed in everything in life and hence so down. All my nightmares are coming true by the will of Allah. I am losing hope slowly and gradually.
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Alpha Dude
05-25-2015, 01:46 PM
Nah man, you've got 'the grass is greener on the other side' mentality. Nope. It's not true. Everyone has problems. Loads of people out there have many issues that nobody knows about and they are just as bad as yours and in many cases much much worse. There's 6 billion surplus people in this world. Of these, there must be many millions going through extreme suffering. Point is, you are not alone and Allah is not messing about with you.

Life is a test. Accept it.
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BeTheChange
05-25-2015, 01:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Thankyou for trying to help.

The real issue is some people get one or two problems in life and they can console themselves for their other good traits. In my case, i have been screwed in everything in life and hence so down. All my nightmares are coming true by the will of Allah. I am losing hope slowly and gradually.
Start with addressing the ROOT of these problems. Find a solution to those problems.

I think you're being too harsh on yourself. Am confident there is good traits in you but you're not seeing them at the moment.

If you feel there is not enough good traits, start making small steps in your life to show the good traits to yourself and others around you.

You don't have to have good character for potential spouses. Instead do it for yourself and start loving yourself.

I've listened to a very good lecture when i was down. Maybe this will help?

Self Image Psychology expounds on some of the harmful messages promoted by the western media. The speaker points out how these common messages damage the Muslims’ self-image psychology. Among the many things discussed in this presentation are examples of proper self-respect and self-reverence from the lives of the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (s). In addition, the speaker mentions common acts that entail lack of self esteem, such as the changing of Muslim names to non Muslim ones and the changing of the Islamic identity in general. The mere nature of this discussion reveals how Muslims today really view themselves.

Please visit http://www.kalamullah.com/lectures.html - scroll to the bottom and click on self image psychology
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 01:51 PM
Bro, how would you feel if you was 40, unmarried, with health issues, unable to make a solid income because your business is sufferring, and you have absolutely no savings and your friends are all married, with kids old enough to be married - and when you meet, you have absolutely nothing in common to talk about because of the differences in lifestyle - well, that's me - oh and there's more - much more which I don't share on forums in case peeps will think I am vying for sympathy...

...I learnt to "do and be done". Meaning. Once you done something - stop entertaining it in thought - move on to the next thing... people like you and I often get caught up in the traps our own brain creates - and we procrastinate on matters which need dealing with.

Now, I made my bed many years ago, and I am learning to deal with my mistakes one at a time - and I'm investing a portion of my time in study so I can better understand my purpose in life and how to achieve it in sha Allah - and so I can sleep at night... you sound like a young man who has his whole life ahead of him - and I fear that if you fall into the same patterns I did as a youth, you may end up like me - and no one wants to end up like me bro. Trust me on that.

Your first step needs to be your salaah bro - you don't make salaah so you can be happy, no - you make salaah so you can make your Creator, Allah, happy - and if HE is happy with you - then things will slowly start to work out for you. As they do for me.

And here's another thing - I say "things started to work out for me" - and they did - just not the way i expected them to... Allah doesn't give us what we want bro... no... HE gives us what we need - and most times we don't even know what that is - our limited perception doesn't allow us to understand the wisdom of Allahs decisions until after the fact - and only then do we say "Alhamdulillah" because we recognise something so profane, that it literally makes us feel haughty and we become humbled by such mercy which holds benefit after benefit in our lives.

When you make salaah, you are fulfilling an obligation brother, not going to a shop to make a trade... remember that.

Scimi
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 02:01 PM
Hey thanks again for taking out your precious time for trying to help a lost case like myself. You said life is a test , but what about tests after tests. What about not getting any relief when Allah says he won't burden you with more than you can handle.



Dear brother SCIMI, You say nobody would want to be you, I say nobody would want to be me.

I have never done anything wrong to anyone and yet this. Never backbitten or betrayed anyone and yet this. I spoke with poor and needy with utmost kindness and still do and yet this. I do not drink or do drugs and yet this. I cannot think about abusing my Muslims brother and sisters and yet this.

I wanted to keep a beard , God gave me skin problems


I wanted to be decent looking, but God made me fat and bald despite the fact that I eat very small portion of my meal and hit gym ( my friends and acquaintances do all sort of people and yet they are ok)

I wanted to hav a decent personlity and God made me underconfident

I wanted to achieve things in life, but wherever I invest , I suffer a loss .

How about this SCIMI ?
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BeTheChange
05-25-2015, 03:19 PM
I would STRONGLY recommend you to read this book. Please download or print the document.

Going down the road of self-pity isn't good for us. We need to accept where we are in life and if we are not happy with the position then we need to take relevant actions to improve the circumstances. There's no point moaning or complaining - nothing good will come from it.

Please take time to read this book >> Don't be sad!

You can download the book from this website http://www.kalamullah.com/books.html
Reply

Scimitar
05-25-2015, 03:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
ey thanks again for taking out your precious time for trying to help a lost case like myself.
Ah no probs bro, it is a duty, nothing more nothing less :)

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
You said life is a test , but what about tests after tests. What about not getting any relief when Allah says he won't burden you with more than you can handle.
Life is a series of tests, each designed to prepare you for the various stages of personal perception and realisation, so you can better fulfil your potential as a human being.

After each test, there is aperiod of relief, where the problems seem to melt away into the background, not totally disappeared, but muted for a time until they resurface as something more than before... it is in our tests that we find the necessary intellectual tools to deal with each scenario or situation so we can better contextualise the problem itself, and therefore learn to ask the better questions which yield the better results.

Want an example? you just gave one yourself in your last post, and this response is a direct manifestation of a good question. Your question, was a GREAT question... "You said life is a test , but what about tests after tests." <- trust me, i know it sounds simple, but this is a brilliant question brother, you're on the right track...

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Dear brother SCIMI, You say nobody would want to be you, I say nobody would want to be me.
Two peas in a pod, eh bro? except - you got a real chance at making it work...me? I'm actually happier than I have ever been in my life and thank Allah for HIS kindness and mercy now. Sure people have pointed at me and used me as an example of who not to be like etc. But, I've moved on bro - I know that if I keep looking back - I will only feel sad or let down... if I only look forward - I may be disappointed in what I expect to happen...

...bro, some golden advice. There are only two days where you cannot do anything, yesterday, and tomorrow - today is the day for change, and every "today" is an opportunity for you to correct one thing or to maintain its correction until it forms into a habit - a beneficial habit.

Bro, I made a video a long time ago, I want you to watch it - it's only short but in sha Allah, I feel you will understand this the way i do:



Scimi
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Layth
05-25-2015, 07:54 PM
Forgive the tangent from the thread Smallkid, but I just got to say this:

Scmi, big thumbs up to the video above. It is beautifully and elegantly put together, and one that really his home. It's so polished and professional that I sincerely hope you are using the mad skillz you have in carving out some kind of career for yourself in IT or marketing or graphics?
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 08:04 PM
Look scmi dude, u have real talent. On the other hand, I am in this world to be rot and ridiculed
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BeTheChange
05-25-2015, 08:12 PM
If everyone absorbed themselves in self pity we would never be able to fully reach our potential as human beings. As a Muslim we never lose hope. It doesn't matter about the severity of your pain. The sadness and pain has already been written for you and you will need to learn to accept your perceived sadness. Trust in Allah.

You said you run a business not many people can do this so just by your brief life story I've identified a skill in you and am positive you have many more. Please read the book that I recommended and don't go down the self-pity road. Believe me it's going to harm you long term.
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Layth
05-25-2015, 08:12 PM
Small kid: I know you've been offered some really good advice from BetheChange and Scimi in particular, and I feel I can't add much more. But I echo what has been said already: first things first, you need to drag yourself away from the very negative cycle that your thoughts currently dwell in. I understand that is easier said than done, but you have to willfully make that happen. Do what it takes bro: Implement small changes, do things in life that make you slightly more content, hang around more with people that make you feel a little better, try mindfulness, try therapy, even medication, volunteer, hold the door open for a stranger, donate to Syria, wake early to see a sunrise, start appreciating the chance that Allah has given you to live, to experience, to smile, to share and to love. Do whichever of these things that help you, and do them often. I honestly feel that once you have broken out of your negative cycle, all other things will start falling into place for you.

Most importantly, do not give up on Allah swt brother. Allah has a plan for you, and it is your job to meet half-way and not just give up and call it quits, within a sea of negativity and frustration. You have to make it happen brother, Allah can only provide you with potential and with guidance. The rest is up to you.
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 08:20 PM
That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.
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Layth
05-25-2015, 08:32 PM
How significant does that sign have to be? Is it enough that if you looked around you with less negativity, that you would see the beautiful world that he has created, filled with wondrous creatures, heart-stopping landscapes, and with human beings that are capable of so much empathy, caring, love and understanding that their existence can never really be explained by even the greatest of scientists? Is it enough of a sign that several of us here have been guided by Allah to find you on this thread and to try to reach out to you? Is it enough of a sign that you have a family that loves you, an intelligence than is clearly visible in your posts, and a potential to be a wonderful man, a good husband, a loving father, and a firm friend?

Allah has left us signs everywhere brother, it is wrong for any one of us to ask for our own personal eclipse of the sun.
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Layth
05-25-2015, 08:35 PM
Random question: is there a way to edit your own posts after you post them? I'm using the tapatalk app, and can't find that option?
Reply

Scimitar
05-25-2015, 08:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Layth
Forgive the tangent from the thread Smallkid, but I just got to say this:

Scmi, big thumbs up to the video above. It is beautifully and elegantly put together, and one that really his home. It's so polished and professional that I sincerely hope you are using the mad skillz you have in carving out some kind of career for yourself in IT or marketing or graphics?
JazakAllahu khair, and thank you for the compliment brother Layth :) My business: www.smartapps4u.co.uk web / app / design :)

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Look scmi dude, u have real talent. On the other hand, I am in this world to be rot and ridiculed
Brother, I am ridiculed in my locality so much - you won't believe. Mothers cross the streets with their kids because of my past. I hear the odd comment now and then too. My family don't even get invited to weddings because of my past bro... and though I am a reformed person, people DO NOT FORGET - and so, my family pays for my mistakes, and I pay in secret...

...bro, you probably think I am educated becuase of this talent (video making / graphic design / app / web) but the truth is, I don't even have a single qualification bro - not even one that I can shout about. I messed up school and college so badly because I got into fight after fight after fight recurring. So I left with nothing but some pens and a notepad... and started to doodle, little graffiti things, like bubble writing... beleive me bro, no one has taught me graphic design, no one taught me how to shoot, edit and add special effects to a video, no one taught me how to make a website, no one taught me how to develop an app... I had to learn these things as a dyslexic person who suffers ADHD and has hyper adrenal condition to top it all off... sounds impossible, right?

Bro - difficult takes a day.

Impossible takes a week.

Do and Be Done.

Move to the next challenge.

Give Brain and Heart a chance to BREATHE when you run out of steam. Come back to it when you are revived from your mental fatigue.

We can't be too harsh on our selves, else how will we know mercy when it comes knocking?

You ever hear the story of the Priest who drowned?

There was rain, so much rain that the town which sat in a valley was starting to flood. The people were evacuated to a safe place - but one priest climbed his church spire and stood there, hoping to survive the flood. The cars came for him, but he wouldn't budge - then the cars left because it was getting too dangerous to stay. They sent boats, small engine powered rescue boats... still the priest wouldn't come down. "Nay, go away the lottaya, God will save me" he shouted... the boats returned and level had now risen to the highest window, literally only a few feet under the base of the spire. The priest, wet faced and about as soggy as a wet sock, looks up to the heavens hoping to find a hand come out and take him away... he saw a helicopter instead. Yep. The rescue helicopter came to help him away, they lowered a ladder to him and he shouts back "Get out of the way, I am safe, I am safe", the wind picked up and the helicopter couldn't afford to hand around so it flies off... the water levels engulf the whole church and soon the whole valley looks like a lake - the priest had drowned.

In his death, he is complaining to GOD, "Oh God, why did thou forsake me O Lord, Did I not wait for you to save me?"

God answers him back. "I sent you rescue cars, hovercrafts, boats and an helicopter - all of these, how many chances do you need? Do you not see how I helped you but you failed to recognize MY help due to your own wrongful assumptions?"

moral of the story, lear to see God's hand in every opportunity, no matter how small or large bro... don't see human beings as the cause of pain or pleasure - no - see them as only the vehicle of deliverance - it is Allah to WHOM all power belongs. And whether we know it or not - we are all subservient to HIS will... it is better to KNOW than not to know...

You wrote -> I am in this world to rot and be ridiculed... but in the next, OH - in the next, "I HAVE HOPE... for I know that there is ONE that watches over me" <- quote from video I linked

Make these fit.

Scimi
Reply

Layth
05-25-2015, 08:38 PM
Well said Scimi :) And cool story bro
Reply

Layth
05-25-2015, 08:41 PM
You do have real talent btw schimi. I have a fraction of that talent, but I've had the very lucky breaks to be making a fair bit of money in IT (which I definitely do not deserve). Well done for teaching yourself all of that. If you haven't already, I pray that you become as successful as your talent warrants.

And I'm a brother btw
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Alpha Dude
05-25-2015, 08:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.
Do some serious soul searching brother. If you believe in Islam, why do you believe in it? Is it because of your parents or because you truly believes Allah exists and you are convinced that Prophet Muhammad PBUH is the Prophet and Messenger of Allah? If it is because you were born into Islam, you need to do research and look into it and believe properly rather than just as an absent minded follower.

However, if it is because you have already made an objective judgement and you believe in Allah from your own conviction then: it makes no sense whatsoever to doubt that Allah is listening because the very sources Quran and hadith that you believe in tell us to be patient and the all dua is accepted, either given to us immediately, or a harm is prevented due to the dua or it is saved for Jannah. So, in this case, you have no basis to doubt.
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Alpha Dude
05-25-2015, 08:54 PM
Allah has said, as per hadith, to the effect: "I am as my servant thinks I am". This shows the importance of optimism and positive thinking. If you doubt and don't think Allah will help you, then your duas are fruitless but if you truly believe that Allah is going to give you what is best for you (note my choice of wording here - I say what is best for you - not "exactly what you ask for"), then you will always have good in your life.

The key is, you need to let go of your ego and understand that you don't know everything and don't know what is and what isn't good for you (in this life and the next). Only Allah does and you should always have the positive opinion that whatever happens, Allah is always going to do good by you and there is always a reason for anything bad that happens. This way, you will always be content. Anything else will leave you confused and with a half hearted approach to your religion.
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 09:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Layth
You do have real talent btw schimi. I have a fraction of that talent, but I've had the very lucky breaks to be making a fair bit of money in IT (which I definitely do not deserve). Well done for teaching yourself all of that. If you haven't already, I pray that you become as successful as your talent warrants.

And I'm a brother btw
JazakAllah khair bro, I saw that I wrote sister and corrected it - don't know what gave me that idea lol sorry.

Business is slow but picking up. I've had some good clients so far, like Yum Yum Thai, Europe's largest Thai restaurant (it's halal) and it came second place in Gordon Ramsays competition in 2011. That was my first client :) they took an app. Since then it's been difficult, because largely high street businesses don't really understand how e-streams can enhance their business revenues... slowly they are catching on, and I am at my wits end as to when they actually will. lol.

Recently I came by a DSLR camera and am slowly learning how to use it. Coupled with video editing and effects, some graphics and a little creative flair - I think I can take what I do to the next level. My first vid was made in 2011, in windows live movie maker :D it was so easy to understand but so limiting at the same time that I just wanted more control - and so I got Adobe After Effects... and almost had an heart attack :D I mean, I know photoshop pretty well, better than most i've come across who claim they know photoshop - but opening after effects was a whole other dimension... so I put it away for a full year and wathced tutes on YT just to try and get my head around the basics... a year on I was ready to try some experiments lol... that video above, was the first experiment :D I'm pleased you liked it bro. Didn't get many plays but hey, if it helps just one soul - success :) And Allah knows best.

Graphic design I started in 1995, on a new windows95 PC (gosh it sounds so ancient) I had gotten a graphics software called Paint Shop Pro (poor mans photoshop) and started there... in 2000, I was working in advertising in a media company, and the graphic designers for the adverts and page laying, sat behind me... I never talked to them, but sometimes I would watch them work, try to get some tips in how Photoshop was used by real professionals... to my surprise, I found that photoshop was acutally easier to get to grips with than Paint Shop Pro... so I decided to get photoshop, and that's where I started to really take digital art to another level... I started to work with cloning tools, masks, feathers and layers, and a whole host of other creative tools which allowed me even more freedom in design...

I learn differently - because of my left handedness, dyslexia, ADHD and hyper adrenal condition - I am impossible to teach. No one can teach me anything. I have to learn my way or no way at all. It is hard. It is lonely. And it is scary. Because there is no guiding hand which I can see or feel guide me... but I look back and see what was acheived by my efforts and realise that I could not have come this far on my own - NO WAY - I had to have had a helping hand - and I deduce that the helping hand was Allah showing me mercy, opening a door to rizq and telling me to be strong, and go for it - no matter how hard it is going to be - it is going to be an adventure... my own adventure - and it will be my story...

Because of my learning problems, and conditions - I have been aggressive towards people in my younger days, I often lashed out at them, fought them and became protective over those who were weak or bullied - I always fought to either 1) defend myself or 2) to defend a friend who was being bullied... and because of this, I was kicked out of school and expelled from three colleges.

Still, I am here today, alhamdulillah - breaking convention and moving on in a career choice which turned into my own business - even if it makes nothing - it is still mine. It is still a part of my story :)

if people only realized that they have a story to make... instead of a story to tell, they'd walk more and talk less.

Scimi
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 09:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.
cars came and went, hover crafts came and went, boats came and went, even a helicopter turned up - the priest missed so many opportunities didn't he?

Think about it brother.

Scimi
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Layth
05-25-2015, 09:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar

JazakAllah khair bro, I saw that I wrote sister and corrected it - don't know what gave me that idea lol sorry.

Business is slow but picking up. I've had some good clients so far, like Yum Yum Thai, Europe's largest Thai restaurant (it's halal) and it came second place in Gordon Ramsays competition in 2011. That was my first client :) they took an app. Since then it's been difficult, because largely high street businesses don't really understand how e-streams can enhance their business revenues... slowly they are catching on, and I am at my wits end as to when they actually will. lol.

Recently I came by a DSLR camera and am slowly learning how to use it. Coupled with video editing and effects, some graphics and a little creative flair - I think I can take what I do to the next level. My first vid was made in 2011, in windows live movie maker :D it was so easy to understand but so limiting at the same time that I just wanted more control - and so I got Adobe After Effects... and almost had an heart attack :D I mean, I know photoshop pretty well, better than most i've come across who claim they know photoshop - but opening after effects was a whole other dimension... so I put it away for a full year and wathced tutes on YT just to try and get my head around the basics... a year on I was ready to try some experiments lol... that video above, was the first experiment :D I'm pleased you liked it bro. Didn't get many plays but hey, if it helps just one soul - success :) And Allah knows best.

Graphic design I started in 1995, on a new windows95 PC (gosh it sounds so ancient) I had gotten a graphics software called Paint Shop Pro (poor mans photoshop) and started there... in 2000, I was working in advertising in a media company, and the graphic designers for the adverts and page laying, sat behind me... I never talked to them, but sometimes I would watch them work, try to get some tips in how Photoshop was used by real professionals... to my surprise, I found that photoshop was acutally easier to get to grips with than Paint Shop Pro... so I decided to get photoshop, and that's where I started to really take digital art to another level... I started to work with cloning tools, masks, feathers and layers, and a whole host of other creative tools which allowed me even more freedom in design...

I learn differently - because of my left handedness, dyslexia, ADHD and hyper adrenal condition - I am impossible to teach. No one can teach me anything. I have to learn my way or no way at all. It is hard. It is lonely. And it is scary. Because there is no guiding hand which I can see or feel guide me... but I look back and see what was acheived by my efforts and realise that I could not have come this far on my own - NO WAY - I had to have had a helping hand - and I deduce that the helping hand was Allah showing me mercy, opening a door to rizq and telling me to be strong, and go for it - no matter how hard it is going to be - it is going to be an adventure... my own adventure - and it will be my story...

Because of my learning problems, and conditions - I have been aggressive towards people in my younger days, I often lashed out at them, fought them and became protective over those who were weak or bullied - I always fought to either 1) defend myself or 2) to defend a friend who was being bullied... and because of this, I was kicked out of school and expelled from three colleges.

Still, I am here today, alhamdulillah - breaking convention and moving on in a career choice which turned into my own business - even if it makes nothing - it is still mine. It is still a part of my story :)

if people only realized that they have a story to make... instead of a story to tell, they'd walk more and talk less.

Scimi
I am in awe at your achievements. And you do sound like a good man. We all have pasts, me included, but in my opinion, it is where you arrive that counts, and not necessarily the journey.

You are an inspiration. I hope your story reaches out to smallkid, as it does to me.
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 09:23 PM
The problems is that God didn't send any cars for me, no boats either. I think HE wants me to SWIM (Though I am no Good), I will try and will start from tonmorow. A Maybe this is my two packs of cigarettes talking that have made me relaxed and worry free. Allah bless you more bro. You have been more than a friend, you are guiding me towards the right place. Tommorow morning, I might again be down. However, I will do my best to please my Lord Allah.
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 09:30 PM
Jazak Allahu khair and Thank you :) Tbh my story mirrors the struggle many go thru. So many people are rejected in society from an early age due to things like a disability, behavioral problem or learning difficulties - I can empathize - I am from that same minority group of behavioral rejects who have learning difficulties :)

I take my inspiration wherever I can get it. Truth be told, sometimes I find inspiration in the unlikeliest of places - places which others will frown upon because they are considered non Islamic... but inspiration doesn't follow any logic - no - it follows an idea... it is an idea which inspires, no matter where it may be hiding. Sometimes the best ideas, the best inspirations come from the grottoes and ghettoes, where real people live and breathe... sometimes we have to help our fellow man, in order to help our own selves... inspiration is like air - it is everywhere, but only those who are looking for it, will find it.

To brother Small Kid - today you took a step in the right direction bro, I am pleased and proud for you. Stick around, we're all here to help each other - one day you will in sha Allah help me too, though you probably don't see how right now :)

All praise belongs solely to Allah, the Lord and Benefactor of the worlds. Ameen.

Scimi
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 09:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
The problems is that God didn't send any cars for me, no boats either. I think HE wants me to SWIM (Though I am no Good), I will try and will start from tonmorow. A Maybe this is my two packs of cigarettes talking that have made me relaxed and worry free. Allah bless you more bro. You have been more than a friend, you are guiding me towards the right place. Tommorow morning, I might again be down. However, I will do my best to please my Lord Allah.
The cars and boats are here bro - they are us... helicopter is refuelling don't worry, I have a jet pack in case :) as for the ciggies - two packs of ten? or twenty?

I've cut down to less than ten a day now, and will try to give it up in Ramadhan this year in sha Allah. Make dua for me bro.

As for tomorrow - that is another day :) today is today - one day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time... tick tock, soon enough we realise that today is now tomorrow and yesterday was a small victory... and life is but a series of small victories, is it not? :)

Today, you won... tomorrow the challenge starts all over again...

...soon, the challenges become boring, and life becomes exciting :) Relief after Hardship :) rinse and repeat :)

Scimi
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 09:40 PM
Sometimes I pray to God to give me death instead of these difficulties so that I do not indulge in shirk, ungratefulness and any other sort of anti Islamic behavior that makes my family embarrassed.
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 09:53 PM
Good !!! You fear Allah enough to wish for death instead of commit a blasphemy against HIM - how is that a bad thing? This is IMAAN bro.

Someone has to tell you that in case you don't realise it.

We all face tests.

I used to get the most ridiculous thoughts in salaah bro - whilst in masjid - thoughts I would normally never entertain at all - disgusting thoughts, horrible thoughts, stomach turning thoughts - I can't tell you what - too explicit for forums... I thought I was a goner, that shaytaan had me in his grip and that was it... I couldn't confide in anyone in case my worst fears were confirmed - so I stopped going masjid altoghether at one point - this was before the days of internet forums. The one day I over heard two Muslims talking at a bus stop, discussing the very same problem. I decided to eavesdrop and heard one bro tell the other "it happens because you are not standing shoulder to shoulder in salaah bro - when there is a gap, shaytaan fills it and whispers in the heart of the weaker Muslim"... BLOODY HECK, right? Talk about letting the ball drop.

the following Friday I went for Jummah and made sure I was in the first rows, shoulder to shoulder - and I experienced salaah uninterrupted, picking out certain Arabic words, listening to the Qiraat in salaah, trying to estimate which part of the surah he is reading now, i was concentrating on the context of the qiraat - for the first time in my life... I stuck with this and when I was in Saudi in the month of Ramadhan, a brother named Asif came to me with the same problem, asking me why I look so blissful in salaah - so I told him my story about the waswasa in salaah, and how I overcame it. The next day after fajr salaah, I saw him in the row in front, as he turned around he had tears in his eyes. Naturally, I approached him and he surprised me with a hug "brother, do you know that I have been coming for Umrah in Ramadhan for the last 15 years? I have never experienced such a salaah brother" and I was in awe of how such a simple thing can fix such a huge problem...

....Now ask yourself akhi, you fearing to disappoint Allah - is this a good thing or a bad thing? You know the answer already bro - you don't need to answer because Fear of Allah, is a good thing - and you've got plenty of that already it seems... let's in sha Allah work on your LOVE for Allah, yes? :)

Scimi
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 10:07 PM
The icing on the cake for me or break down point for me is seeing my mother doing so much for me . My father spent millions on me and my education, only to have a moron like me. Who cannot take his decision, and wishes he does instead of taking responsibiliy. I wonder if it's a test for them or me. In either case, life is too bitter for me. Why is God delaying me death ? Does he want me to commit suicide ?
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Layth
05-25-2015, 10:11 PM
Brother, I've just said this to Abandoned also, but have you ever talked to a doctor about your lows?
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 10:13 PM
Never.Should I ? Do they have any medications ?
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Layth
05-25-2015, 10:15 PM
Yes definitely. At the very least, it'd be good to get your feelings off your chest. Sometimes, when you sink very low, taking to a doctor is the only way out of the depths.
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 10:26 PM
Short answer, no. Suicide is a direct ticket to hellfire, you know that bro. So no, Allah does not wish that on anyone, least of all someone who is a Muslim.

Trust me, I am also experienced in that dept. Tried twice - failed fortunately :) Boy oh boy, I was totally a different person altogether back then (90's) roughly same age you are now, 26... back then I was in a pickle of my own making. I couldn't even blame anyone for it - I knew it was my mess, and that I had dug a hole so deep, I couldn't see a light when I looked up... metaphors, similes, allegory etc - but you know what I mean, right? You're in the same boat, rowing in the same direction, right?

I changed... it was slow, it was painful, but the pain was bitter sweet - like a cough sweet - and progress was evident in stages... I just couldn't see it - but others could - and those others would give me clues in their jealousy - yep - that's right, their jealousy made me realize I was fixing up... slowly I left that crowd behind, hoping to make new friends...

... i made no new friends,

What I have are companions now, brothers who will come at the drop of a hat, day or night, to my aid if need be. And not all of them are Muslim either... once an atheist I know and am close to - came to my aid at 4am - to get me from a police station (2012) coz I got caught with nunchuku's on my way back from martial arts lol... the police detained me at 10pm and let me loose at 4am - in a police station 6 or 7 miles away from my home... I tried to call my brother, phone off - tried to call one of my close friends, companions - but they were too far away that night, so I called Daavi (David) and he answered, I told him what I was arrested for and he says "you idiot - (grunt) - ok, gimme twenty mins I'll come get you"... all the way home he lectured me about those nunchucks lol. But he got me home...

...would my old friends whom I grew up with help me out? If I had thought that they would - i woulda called them first. I did not. because they would not.

Give yourself a chance bro, you're a likeable chap - I think you're alright bro, and would invite you for tea and samosas if we ever met in real life :) or one of my infamous BBQ's :) they always go down well :)

The older we get, the more carefully we choose the company we keep - and when you find someone at this age who you consider a companion because they do consider you as one too - that is a relationship you can truly build upon, a brotherhood which defies regular friendships and relegates it to the looney bin because what we have achieved in our relationships at an older age - is companionship, brotherhood... you only need 1 good companion in life, chances are you'll find 7 or thereabout :) takes time... just like the branches of a tree growing from a stump. Don't write yourself off just yet bro... life is only starting to make a little more sense now, and one day at a time - you will make your story, instead of tell it.

Build on it :)

We're here to help you as you are here to help us :)

Scimi
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 10:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Never.Should I ? Do they have any medications ?
Stay off those synthetic meds - they will turn you into a zombie who laughs at inopportune moments - once again - experienced here also. And known many who have gone down that road - if you want real professional advice - contact Dr Ridhwan Saleem from Ha Meem College in west london (you can find his contact on web) he is a Muslim lecturer who has specialised in mental health and has reconciled what he has learnt in light of Quran and Sunnah - this is a good avenue of approach - personally I think you aren't that far gone yet bro... you can obviously help yourself - else you would not be here asking us for help... right?

Let's see how far we can go here first akhi.

Scimi
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smallkid
05-25-2015, 11:00 PM
Good sir. I cannot thankyou enough. Do you have any contact details like email address of the above said doctor.
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MuslimInshallah
05-25-2015, 11:19 PM
Assalaamu alaikum smallkid,

(smile) You could try googling the Dr's name and location… it pops up pretty easily.

Incidentally, Scimi's idea that "synthetic" medications are (presumably) more dangerous than "natural" ones is not quite true. Frankly, any substance you take may have nasty side effects. Just as it may have beneficial effects. You need to carefully look at your needs, and the possible benefits and problems of any therapy. And you'll need to look into these for yourself, as well as taking expert advice… after all, it's your life, right? (smile) Which perhaps will give you an opportunity to work on your independence and decision-making skills...

May Allah, the Magnificent, Reward you, and the other participants on this thread, for a truly enlightening and uplifting discussion. May it bring good to others in the future.
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MuslimInshallah
05-25-2015, 11:24 PM
Assalaamu alaikum again...

Just a small note: perhaps you might like to change your username smallkid… to reflect your desire to change and grow? (smile) It is Pleasing to Allah for you to have a beautiful name, you know. (smile) Changing it could be a small act of devotion… that could have a larger impact than you might imagine.

May God Bless you in this life, and the Next.
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Scimitar
05-25-2015, 11:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
Assalaamu alaikum smallkid,

(smile) You could try googling the Dr's name and location… it pops up pretty easily.

Incidentally, Scimi's idea that "synthetic" medications are (presumably) more dangerous than "natural" ones is not quite true. Frankly, any substance you take may have nasty side effects. Just as it may have beneficial effects. You need to carefully look at your needs, and the possible benefits and problems of any therapy. And you'll need to look into these for yourself, as well as taking expert advice… after all, it's your life, right? (smile) Which perhaps will give you an opportunity to work on your independence and decision-making skills...

May Allah, the Magnificent, Reward you, and the other participants on this thread, for a truly enlightening and uplifting discussion. May it bring good to others in the future.
Actually you are wrong on this sister, and I maintain my stance on this with a zeal which I won't let go.

Synthetic meds are bad for you.

Never has metnal illness in the history of the world been treated with synthetic meds until this, the modern age - and more people have ended up claiming they would have been better off without than with - I am one of the majority who claim this.

Sister MuslimInshallah, have you ever taken synthetic anti depressants? I have. I don't think you have, because you sound like someone who works in the medical field, regurgitating what they hear other professionals say, until you start to believe it yourself...

...anyone who has taken GP prescribed anti-depressants - speak up - i'm tired of this BS narrative of synthetic meds being better than natural meds.

Name me one natural medication which has a side effect? I take Mukhta Vati at night, it's completely ayurvedic and believe me - it kicks the living daylights out of the valiums and prozacs... or lithiums of today, because I remain sound of mind when I take it - and it aids better sleep without weirding me out.

In my past, I've been prescribed over 6 different synthetic meds... you know what worked for me?

SALAAH.

Simple as that.

The Drugs Don't Work.

Scimi
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ardianto
05-26-2015, 12:53 AM
Assalamualaikum, smallkid.

I am so familiar with failures. But instead of blame the others I choose to introspect what mistake that I have done, take a lesson and improve myself, then do my effort again with better way.

To the point, from what I have noticed, the cause of your problem is your mental attitude which you prefer to blame other parties for your failures rather than introspect the mistake that you have done. You blame Allah for your failures, don't you?.

Bro, start to change your attitude. Do not blame anyone for your failures. But try to introspect the mistake that you have done, take a lesson, and improve yourself. In Shaa Allah, your life will be better.

:)
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MuslimInshallah
05-26-2015, 01:37 AM
Assalaamu alaikum Scimi,


format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Actually you are wrong on this sister, and I maintain my stance on this with a zeal which I won't let go.
(sigh) You remind me of the doctor I saw today who was as completely convinced that the extracts I take (taken from Ayurvedic medicine, incidentally) were of no benefit.

But they do work.


format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Synthetic meds are bad for you.
What do you understand as synthetic medications? You mean the ones that come in nice packages from major pharmaceutical companies? But, you know, quite a few of these medications were discovered from natural sources. And yes, they may be modified (sometimes to render them less toxic, incidentally) or put together from other sources (sometimes so that the natural resource won't be devastated).

(mildly) Actually, these medications can also save lives and bring a lot of comfort to people. I know this personally. I would very likely be dead without various medications I've had to take over the years.

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Never has metnal illness in the history of the world been treated with synthetic meds until this, the modern age - and more people have ended up claiming they would have been better off without than with - I am one of the majority who claim this.
Mmm… we humans have always sought remedies for our ills. And some of the remedies of the past were pretty awful, quite frankly. Which is why we looked for better ones. Are the modern ones always wonderfully effective with no side effects? No, of course not. Some medications will work for one person, and not for another. Some will negatively affect one person, and not another. (mildly) And this is true of herbal medicine, too.

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Sister MuslimInshallah, have you ever taken synthetic anti depressants? I have. I don't think you have, because you sound like someone who works in the medical field, regurgitating what they hear other professionals say, until you start to believe it yourself...
No, I have not taken commercial antidepressants. I have felt that in my life, I needed to try to deal with my problems as best as I could. And I was Blessed that I was mostly able to do so. I totally agree that people and doctors run to these medications much too easily. And not only does this overuse cause harm, but it also helps us avoid looking at deep underlying causes of the steep increases in mental illnesses that followed the Industrial Revolution, and that continue to increase with all the changes we are making to our societies.

I did, however, use a herbal medication (there are several out there that can be useful) for a while last autumn. But if I had needed to take a commercial medication to help me get out of a black pit, I would have taken it, if absolutely necessary. (mildly) And some people really gain benefit from these medications.

Yes, I have a couple of degrees in Pharmacy. (smile) And pharmacognosy (the study of natural product molecules) was always something that interested me. (smile) And if you knew me better, you would not think that I followed convention very well! (laugh) I would not be a Muslim (inshAllah), if this was the case!


format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
...anyone who has taken GP prescribed anti-depressants - speak up - i'm tired of this BS narrative of synthetic meds being better than natural meds.
(mildly) I never claimed this. I believe that we need to look at all the options, and choose the one that works best for us. I personally have found benefit in both more-naturally-sourced medications and less-naturally sourced medications (we don't build them from nothing, you know). And I have found harms in both kinds of medications.

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Name me one natural medication which has a side effect?
(smile) All active compounds have the potential to harm. I personally cannot take large doses of Guduchi (smaller doses are ok, but not always therapeutic for my particular needs. This is one of the herbs in your Mukhta Vaki mix), or any dose of wintergreen or willow bark (they might kill me, because I am hypersensitive to salicylates).

And, of course, you have medicines like digtalis (Foxglove) that you need to be very careful with. Even in standardized form (it is used in mainstream medicine), you have to monitor it's use very carefully.

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
I take Mukhta Vati at night, it's completely ayurvedic and believe me - it kicks the living daylights out of the valiums and prozacs... or lithiums of today, because I remain sound of mind when I take it - and it aids better sleep without weirding me out.
I believe you, Scimi. And I am glad you have found something of benefit for you. (smile) I always say: if it works for you, go for it. But, you see, what works for you, might not work for someone else. And this is why we need a range of options. Because we different one from the other.

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
In my past, I've been prescribed over 6 different synthetic meds... you know what worked for me?

SALAAH.

Simple as that.

The Drugs Don't Work.

Scimi
I agree that Salaah brings many benefits. (smile) Prayer has even been studied as a means to health, and it really does have a quantifiable effect.

I've had to take… gosh, I don't know how many different medications in my life. I've taken mainstream medications, and herbal ones (European herbal, and Ayurvedic), and I'm a big proponant of organic, grass-fed, wildcrafted foods and clean water, as well as exercise, sunshine and fresh air.

Allah has Gifted us with many possibilities and choices. And I hope I would not turn any of His Gifts down… any more than I would refuse that rescue helicopter dicussed earlier in the thread.

I hope this makes my position clearer.


May Allah, the Originator, Help us to see the wonder of His Creation.
Reply

Scimitar
05-26-2015, 01:42 AM
Gosh waht a long post - when I was referring to synthetic meds - it was in the mental health field... and brain specialists do not know exactly how the brain works - in that sense, these synthetic meds are nowt but experimental medications and human beings are the guinea pigs. And that my sister, is the truth.

There - I've simplified it for you.

But you won't believe me... type in seroxat in google - you'll see why it was taken off the shelves in the UK and abroad... and that is just one example.

I have plenty more to throw in here if need be sister... I've exposed the pharma industry already on WUP and other places. Trying to be the voice for the pharma industry here is not really going to make a difference to the information I put out here sister - I have reports, trial tests and more to throw in here which will no doubt prove that synthetic medication for mental health should be banned and never used - it's hugely experimental and often supplemented with other synth meds which gloss over the side effects until the cover med doesnt do its job effectively anymore and the side effects take over... often to detrimental effect.

Scimi
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smallkid
05-26-2015, 06:24 AM
For me the best medicine has been 2 packs or 40 cigarettes just before sleeping in hope of relaxation and better still death.
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smallkid
05-26-2015, 07:39 AM
DearArdianto ,
I know I blame others for my failure. If God could have given me one thing out of better looks, confidence, or good personality, I would not have been depressed.
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ardianto
05-26-2015, 12:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
DearArdianto ,
I know I blame others for my failure. If God could have given me one thing out of better looks, confidence, or good personality, I would not have been depressed.
Good personality is something that developed. If you could develop your personality well, then you would have good personality and automatically you would have good confidence.

About look. Good looking does not always mean handsome. A man who is not handsome still can look good if he is able to arrange his appearance. There is a bass player in my city. He is fat, bald, and not handsome. But he always dress well and it makes him look good. He is married and has children. I have ever seen his wife. She is beautiful. :)

Okay, suppose, in winter you walked on a street that covered by snow and ice, then you slipped and fell. Would you blame the winter, the snow and ice?. Bro, it's better you look at other people and notice, they could walk without slip and fall. It's because they were careful when walk, while you did not.

Then, can you ride bicycle?. Everyone who can ride bicycle must be has experienced fall. But then they introspect the mistake that they have done in riding bicycle, and ride again in better way and avoid the same mistake. That's why then they can ride bicycle.

You said you always rejected by a girl because you have bad personality. But have you ever tried to improve your personality to make you acceptable by a girl?. Seem like you also failed in business and lost your investment. But have you ever analyzed what mistake that you have done in investing?.

Young brother, if you still blame the others or the situation for your failures, then you will never get progress in your life.

Have you ever competed in sport competition?. I was so familiar with sport competition, and was familiar with failure too. But I never blamed the situation and never blamed anyone. I realized, if my competitors could be better than me, it's because they trained themselves better and compete better than me. So, if I wanted to be good like them, I should train myself better and should compete better. This mindset motivated me to improve myself to better.

I have retired from sport competitions since long time ago. But I still maintain my spirit of sport. Alhamdulillah, I can feel its benefit in facing problems and difficulties in my life.

You don't need to compete in sport competition, but you need to have a spirit like the sport people. Always train yourself, always improve your skill and ability, do not blame the other and situation, always analyze the progress and mistake what you have done, do not afraid to face a challenge, and never lose the hope when you are failed. In Shaa Allah, you will become a better person. :)
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Signor
05-26-2015, 02:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.
Reminds me of Abu Bakar Ruben's story:



A Spiritual Night: All I Need is a Sign!
So I asked him if I could take a Quran home, and I said I was going to respect the book. I took it home, and I started reading it. What I found while reading it, it was not as though I was reading a story, it was as though someone was commanding me, you know someone giving me guidance. And one night, I decided I would really try to get the spiritual mood happening, and I’m sure some of you have probably heard this story before, so I apologize.

I lit a candle, I had the window open, I had the curtains drawn, you know I was trying to get that real spiritual feeling, it was a nice summer night in Melbourne, as summer as it can get in Melbourne, and I was sitting there and thinking “this is it, this is the night.” I’ve been investigating all the spiritual proofs, all the scientific proofs about the facts about the mountains are pegs, how the embryo develops inside the woman, … all these amazing proofs, but I still needed that little push, it’s like I was on the edge of a cliff, I was ready to jump, I just needed a push.

So I was sitting there, it was very quiet, I was reading Quran, I stopped, I said: “Allah, this is my moment. This is the time I’m about to jump into Islam. All I need is a sign, just a little sign, nothing huge, maybe a bit of lightning, you know maybe half the house could fall down or something, … something you know just small, small for You. So I sat there, I was waiting for the candle to start lighting up before me, like in the movies… And Subhan Allah, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

I was really disappointed to be honest. So I sat there and said “Allah, this is Your chance. I’m here. I will give You another chance. OK, I know You may be busy, I know it’s daytime the other side of the world, there is a whole lot of stuff going on. Maybe this time it could be like a car back-firing, You know, something small. Alright half the house, the candle, let’s forget it. A bird could fart outside, I don’t care just anything, … So I said OK, go. And Subhan Allah, absolutely nothing happened. And I mean I couldn’t even say “that was it, that creek in the wall that was it”. Absolutely nothing. I was really disappointed. I was sitting there thinking this was it, this was my last chance, Islam, and I haven’t found it.

I pulled back the Quran, I turned back to where I was reading, Subhan Allah the very next verse on the next page “for those of you who ask for signs, have We not shown you enough already? Look around you. Look at the stars, look at the suns, look at the water. These are the signs for the people of knowledge.” And Subhan Allah, I threw the duvet over my head, and I pretended I was asleep, I was that scared because I couldn’t believe how arrogant I’d been to want my own specific sign when all the signs had been there for me all along. The fact that we have this world, the fact that there is this creation, these are the signs for all of us.

Full Story
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IslamicRevival
05-26-2015, 04:17 PM
Assalamu Alaikum. Dear brother, you are in control of the way you think and feel. Always remember true happiness comes from within and not from someone else's approval. Peace out.
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smallkid
06-07-2015, 07:59 PM
alhamdullilah got rejected for the second time despite praying to Allah on shab e baraat to save me from the embarrasment. An Allah's wali instructed my pArents to put a proposal and they did despite me stopping them. What kind of games is life playing with me ? i am letting everyone down from Allah to my parents and siblings. I am a perfects case study of what parents should tell their children not to be. Not a single successful trait.
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Scimitar
06-08-2015, 12:15 AM
and why do you think this is so?
you know what you remind me of? a drama queen. if you are sick and tired of letting people down - then STOP LETTING PEOPL DOWN. look, im not gonna gloss over your story with pleasantries like most here, im a freaking sharp talker and one who cuts to the crux of the issue. I've read your posts and know that you consider yourself 'pathetic'... and I'm here to confirm that you are exactly that - pathetic. you know why I can say this? because I was pathetic too once... but I changed for ME. not for my parents, not for others - NO - BUT FOR ME. I was fed up of expecting people to be nice to me when I had not learnt how to be pleasant myself... that was when I was only 14.... how old are you again?

you better pull your finger out and learn how to love so you can love how to learn... do it ASAP coz you cant teach an old dog new tricks.

bro. I may sound harsh, but, maybe this is exactly the kick up the backside you need.

You're a man.

be a MAN.

Scimi
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Alpha Dude
06-08-2015, 06:50 AM
Ditto to Scimitar's post.
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smallkid
06-08-2015, 08:03 AM
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
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Signor
06-08-2015, 09:52 AM
:sl:

Hang on,I see a lot more in here....

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
got rejected for the second time despite praying to Allah on shab e baraat to save me from the embarrasment.
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making
You want divine intervention quickly,its in your nature.Nah Man,it doesn't works as per our desires and whims.

But this wasn't the only time,as you desire "success" ASAP without putting any significant effort to it.

I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life.
Did you also adopted the same approach in order to get high grades?

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well.
Ever thought about those who lack choices and chances?

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
An Allah's wali instructed my pArents to put a proposal and they did despite me stopping them.
If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, wouldn't it be a Merry Christmas everyday?

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.
Apparently,it seem like the need is self-actualization,esteem and belongingness.However,looking more deeply the problem is taking pride in what you do,since not only you have friends and a supportive family,a decent paying job but a little reputation(the proposals you rejected must have been accepted in first place). You are kind of stuck with the disease of pride and arrogance,which not only takes us away from Allah's mercy and grace but ultimately deletes all traces of goodness and piety.Life can't be looked using the lens of wins and losses.Sometimes the winner are the loser and the loser are the winner.Everyone is obsessed with ‘winning’ these days. If it is the feeling that you are not ‘winning’ which is getting you down- then, please, just remember what really matters, like your family, your friends. If you feel like you’re “losing,” then just remember the billions of people less fortunate than you.

As a result of tunnel visioning,you constantly fails to see the light around and that my brother is the Real Problem.
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Layth
06-08-2015, 10:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
Your brothers are trying to help you here. They are trying to do whatever it takes to get through to you. Please don't look harshly or despondently at them. Nor yourself, for that matter.
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Scimitar
06-08-2015, 01:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
First show some mercy and kindness to yourself - instead of wallowing in your self absorbed pity - which really is kinda pathetic and you know it bro.

You keep asking for some kind of divine intervention - and when a wali of Allah tells your parents to find a wife for you - you want to refuse? You're crazy mate. You remind me of the priest who sat on the top of the spire - BIGTIME... you wou;dn't know an opportunity if it hit you flat and square in your face.

Plenty of people responded here - all with nice and molly coddled posts and you never replied nor thanked them once - instead you preferred to respond to my one harsh post - that's your problem RIGHT THERE - you are an unappreciative and can only see negatives in your life... we can't help you i'm afraid. Allah has given you plenty of opportunities but you can't even see those either - so who is your number one enemy?

I'll tell you right now.

YOU ARE.

Wake up to reality, and see it for what it really is instead of the rubbish you keep telling yourself it is.

Scimi
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Alpha Dude
06-08-2015, 07:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
Believe me, there are no hard feelings and we all want the best for you. We gain nothing out of being mean to you. I sincerely hope you feel better and are able to get your life on track but I feel you don't try as hard as you could do.
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smallkid
06-08-2015, 07:53 PM
sir from where to start give me a one month plan and we'll see where I stand. i dont know from where to start if its about changing myself. I mean theres multitude of wrong in me. what what will I fix ?
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Alpha Dude
06-08-2015, 09:16 PM
Allah knows best, but the following is just my humble opinion on the things you should do. I'm trying to give advice on a holistic level, both spiritual and physical because we are made up of two parts and each has an effect on our overall well-being.

To start with, on the spiritual level, starting from now, make it a goal to:

1. Pray all 5 salah on time and in congregation if you can.
2. And before you sleep, each night, make a sincere long dua to Allah asking him to help you in every aspect of your life in this world and the akhirah. Cry to Allah for help.
3. Avoid all the sins as much as possible.

The goal of the above is to form a proper relationship with Allah. Once you have that relationship and link, you will be mentally stronger in sha Allah.

Then, on a physical, health related level:

1. Lessen the amount of cigarettes you take daily until you take none at all.
2. Go for a run early each morning. Do 5 km.
3. In the gym, when you go, do heavy lifting: Squats, dead-lifts, bench press and other compound stuff like pull-ups.
4. Eat healthy food.

I recommend you do that to start with. Also, ramadan's coming up so it would be a good time to change your life (exercise stuff might be tricky but maybe do it just before iftar).

I advise the above in the hope that you can gain physical and mental confidence.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 09:36 AM
i will probably skip taraweeh this year to give time to workout and gym.
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MuslimInshallah
06-09-2015, 11:27 AM
Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) Might I suggest that you might want to change your username to something more positive? Like, for example, NewMan or Grateful or Abd Al-Qawwiy (slave of the Strong)… something to reflect your determination to become someone better, stronger, more at peace with himself, more satisfied with your life, yourself…?

I'm not sure that skipping taraweeh to go to the gym is quite the best idea. Nor starting an exercise program during Ramadan. Even people who are in excellent health and train regularly tend to ease up a bit during Ramadan. However, cutting back on your tobacco consumption sounds like something that would fit well with Ramadan, and frankly, is not easy to do. I admire anyone who puts in the effort to try to stop. And if they succeed… even if only partially… I consider this a victory. (smile) To build on...

Break down your efforts to change into little pieces. Too often, people go into major efforts to change something overnight… and end up backsliding, and getting discouraged. But if you break up your changes into little steps… then each small step you accomplish is a small victory that gives you the confidence and satisfaction to try the next step. And the next...

Perhaps this Ramadan what you can try to do is write out all the things you'd like to change in your life, and then plan your campaign on how you can acheive these changes. Break each goal down into small steps. Research methods to attain them (reading books is useful…). Think about them. Prioritize them. (smile) This will take time. You are not a failure if you are not a muscly Mr Universe after a month. Just doing the research and thought is an achievement. So is writing everything out. So is cutting down from 2 packs a day of smokes, to 2 packs minus 1 cigarette. Every little step acheived is a victory.

And after the rigours of Ramadan, eating and drinking in more usual patterns ought to give you a boost of energy that you could funnel into an exercise program. A slow and steady increase in exercises. These can also be researched. Push yourself to where you feel a little tired… but not to pain or exhaustion. Time yourself. Count the number of kilometres (or meters), or laps, or repetitions of the exercises you do. They are very little at first? That's ok. We all have to start somewhere. (smile) And each time you can do an extra sit-up, or whatever…it's a small victory.

(smile) I do wish you the best. And keep us up-to-date in how things are going. (smile) Say every week? Two weeks? Month? (smile) And every time you feel positive about something you've achieved? (smile) We all get a boost from a good news story… can you share with us your small victories? (smile) Our Prophet (SAWS) taught us that even just a smile is a sadaqa… so you could turn your efforts and struggles into a sadaqa for us.

He also taught us that Allah, the Generous, loves small, but consistent efforts over major, sporadic ones. Every day, take even just 15 minutes to think or do something towards your goals. Set yourself a special time to work on doing something positive for yourself, as an act of worship (smile. What Allah likes us to do is good for us, you know).


May Allah, the Friend, Patron and Helper, Strengthen and Support us all this Ramadan and beyond, and Help us to attain goals that are Pleasing to Him.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 11:50 AM
Thankyou for your long and comprehensive post for a lost cause like me. I cannot thankyou enough.

Dear sister you said smile is good and a sadqa, but how can you smile or even when you smile your mind wanders off to failures, rejections, mishaps and all those discouraging efforts. What kind of a luck you are born with when you lose despite odds stacked at 80 percent in your favor. Its easy to lose lost battles. but when you are winning battles that are 100 percent in your favor. you tend to ask why. Probably it is self love as one of the brothers scimi above pointed out.

I want to change myself, but I love my old and defeated self. I do not want to be a show off as some who started praying just because he is not content and not going anywhere. I dont want to embarrass my family as they have done so much for me. I want to change. but not at the expense of my family and just to show thr world that I am changing my self as a result of rejections.

I am basically all trapped l. and wish only if I had one special traits. talent. or luck.

Why only me I ask.

You know I do not shout even at my peon and helpers so that Allah be kind to me. But no results.

Probably I want everything to change overnight.
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BeTheChange
06-09-2015, 12:31 PM
Asalamualykum SmallKid,

Am sorry to see you're still in the state of mind where you think your a lost cause. The fact that Allah swt has allowed your soul to enter your body today is a blessing, is a gift from Allah swt. You have a CHANCE USE IT!!!

We ALL have our struggles, pain and difficulty and by FOCUSING on the PROBLEM and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is having a HUGE negative impact on your outlook on life!

Many of the members on this thread have urged you to take action and we have all stated only YOU can bring these changes. There's no point complaining if you don't have a strong conviction in your heart to bring changes to your life. It's very simple, if you want to be a different person be that person. If you don't want to bring shame on your family, fix up in the areas where you think you are bringing shame. There's no point talking. Talk and no implementation of words is wasting everybody's time and time is a very valuable asset! Ask anyone who misses they train by one second!!

We can not reiterate enough YOU NEED TO START BEING THE CHANGE as my username states. I can't stress the importance of this message but it starts from within and when am reading your posts i don't think you sincerely want to make a change (Allah swt knows best) because, people who do want to change, you will be able to see the determination in their actions!!
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 12:34 PM
Salaam again bro.

Change is gotten through effort, and it takes will power. The good news is, "will" is not a static thing, it goes up and down. And it can be built up more than it can be broken down.

You mentioned you are an indecisive person. Thus, you feel like you do not which change to make first. You mentioned you would prefer to go gym instead of taraweeh - this is very illogical brother, I tell you why.

Taraweeh is the opportunity for you to get closer to Allah, and be counted amongst those who took their worship to the next level by standing up long hours in worship whilst in a tired state - all for the worship of Allah.

You don't have to be a genius to work out that the benefits of which far outweigh the benefits of working out in a gym. I'm not saying "don't go gym" - ofcourse you should go... but in Ramadhan, your first priorities should be "RAMADHAN".

You find it hard to prioritize don't you? I used to be like that when I used to be a weed smoker. I hope you are not smoking that stuff bro.

You said that you love your old defeated self, this is most likely because you have found it easy to just "give up" and "complain" and "mope about, cry, feel sorry for yourself"... it's a defeatist stance, and one you need to break away from.

Somewhere deep inside you - you probably feel this world is a messed up place - my guess is that you always felt this way, and couldn't partake in the fun conversations your friends would enjoy. You felt distanced, estranged - right? Drop those friends, and learn to know who you really are, and change those things which you feel are easiest to change first.

Buildings are built brick by brick, so start building... first things first - rebuild your foundations - make them strong. You're wondering "what foundations?" right?

1) Trust - in Allah the Almighty, for Allah only helps those who help themselves - and HE will help akhi - we are all here saying the same thing.
2) Change one thing which you don't like about yourself, it's a slow progress. For example, one of the first things you can change is to start to keep your salaah, start with a salaah you can keep always, for example if you feel you can keep Isha salaah then do so - and don't beat yourself up if you miss one salaah and then fall off the bandwagon - no - make up for it, be determined to beat "your self" at your own game... Allah's help is never far away, it is closer to you than your own beating heart. It is you who is failing to know this, and therefore, living in a perpetual state of confusion - you don't have to be like that - you can just tell your own mind to "be quiet - I am working on this"... remember, buildings are built one brick at a time.
3)... you need a hobby brother - if that hobby is going to be fitness, then plan it. Spend some money and go to a fitness coach - let them weigh you, give you a diet sheet which you fill out - get a FITBIT and the app and start to monitor your self, your calorie intake and all that can be entered in the app and it measures how much you burn off etc - it's a fantastic piece of technology <- this is just an example of a beneficial hobby which you can get involved in - and it will really help you to understand what is going on inside your body.
4) Charity work, this is key brother... I'm not saying go and join "children in need" or anything, but do contribute financially to those who do and give the money as "sadaqah" - this is going to benefit you more in the long term. Trust me.
5) meditate, learn how to breathe through meditation techniques, this will help you to calm your mind and body so it can reach an equilibrium state - like in salaah - but do find the time to do it.
6) "RUN"... I doesn't matter how tall or short your are, how fat or skinny you are - RUN - and run fast, as fast as you can, get the blood rushing around your body, get hyped bro - get those hormones raging around so you can have the energy to not only face the day - but to OWN IT. Running is best done in the morning - after Fajr - bro, you may only manage 15 seconds the first time and then feel like your lungs are going to explode (being a smoker) but within a week, you will have increased your sprinting to double that time - and therefore, increased the amount of beneficial energy within your body by 100%. Joggin is good, but it won't beat frustrations the way sprinting can.
7) Sauna, steam baths etc - pamper yourself bro - it is not only the women who are allowed to pamper themselves, we men are more than allowed to as well - just, our pampering is way more beneficial to us than the "lipstick powder and paint" culture and stigma attached to the word pampering we find in modern society.
8) You also need to contemplate and reflect on the 99 attributes of Allah, it is within these that you will learn to know Allah. At the moment you have absolutely hardly any trust in HIM because you do not really know HIS attributes nor have you expended any time or energy in wanting to know - all you did was complain and seek an immediate answer as if miracles will land in your lap - you and I both know this is not how it works. Allah tells us in the Quran that HE is subtle... SUBTLE.
9) Don't argue with anyone - it's not worth it. If you trust Allah, you will know that argumentation is useless because whatever Allah has willed will come to fruit - so instead of arguing - say instead "I leave my affairs in the hands of Allah, and I will fulfil my obligations to the best of my ability" and be honest and determined in doing so. The peace of mind is in the sanity we preserve... argumentation takes us out of that serenity. SO do not argue.
10) Always stay in a purified state. Ghusl and Wudhu - at all times.

Now, of these ten advices, which will you choose first?

these are ten bricks you can lay in your foundation for the building you will build. This is how I do it, it is a technique taught to me by lots of self help books and they work.

two words for you akhi:

EFFORT and DETERMINATION.

Scimi
Reply

BeTheChange
06-09-2015, 12:44 PM
I would also like to add the below to assist you in sha Allah.

I just want to say music is haraam and please if anyone is reading this message, am not advising you to listen to the song. Just read the lyrics! In sha Allah the lyrics will give you an uplifting i hope?!


Think it, dream it, plan it, pray on it
Will it, build it, focus, stay on it
See it, chase it, believe it, channel it
Picture yourself with it before you physically handle it
Grab it, watch it, feed it, nurse it
Guard it from anyone who might attempt to curse it
Frequently treat it while never showing no weakness
Hold it and never leak it, keep your vision a secret

Work for it, no time for crying and debating
Understand patience doesn't mean lying round and waiting
It's a long road but you'll accomplish it if it's meant

If you running a marathon why would you practice for a sprint
Gotta build up your strength. through the pain and the suffering

If you train to fight fifty rounds, twelve ain't nothing
No gaining if you're complaining, no advancement if you're napping
Anything you tryna do, it's up to you to make it happen




We gotta learn that blessing don't fall from the sky
If you want something, be willing to do all that applies
Gotta get your hands dirty, persevering through the test
Say a prayer, get to work and let the God do the rest



Blessings waiting but impatience is running them away
Nothing happens overnight except the coming of a day
I heard a lot of people say they gotta see it to believe it
But believing in the unseen is the best way to achieve it
Gotta move on your vision, disregard what dollar said
God wants to raise you up but He can’t help you if you scared <<(Allah swt will help you in sha Allah even if you're scared but you need to believe in HIM first without a doubt in your heart or mind!!)
So I wheeze through the distracting, the slander and the laughing
While wearing spiritual vests to protect me from dream assassins
“Now what’s a dream assassin?”, I appreciate you asking
That somebody you tell your goals and then they start blasting
Shooting at your dreams and tryna knock them off the radar
Tryna discourage you and make you miserable like they are
But a weak thinker can never conquer a strong mind
Keep pushing even if you think it might take you a long time
If you run into a couple of setbacks and then quit
That means you never had belief to begin with



The world is yours, you walking impassively with fear
You expect your problem’s solution to magically appear
Don’t be bathing in depression, you destined to be a great one
You need some money, stop begging for a job and make one
Never envy one's talent, go to the real source
Don’t be jealous of them, just ask God to reveal yours
Gain from your losses, whatever happened was meant to
Don’t let no felony, no drug habit or hate prevent you
Focus on your life several hours a night
You can’t fight the power till you gain the power to fight
“I ain’t finished school.” So what? “I had a child.” So what?
God makes a way out of nothing, punks fold up
Degrees and diplomas don’t guarantee dollars
I done seen drop out millionaires and homeless scholars
Like a said many times, my objective is to help you
‘Cause everything I’m saying, I’m telling it to myself too




Reply

Scimitar
06-09-2015, 12:57 PM
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest

(Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.)
(Qur'an 13: 28)

Truthfulness is beloved by Allah and is purifying soap for the heart. And there is no deed that gives such pleasure to the heart, or has greater reward, than the remembrance of Allah.

"Therefore remember me, and I will remember you"(Qur'an 2: 152)

Remembrance of Allah is His paradise on earth, and whoever does not enter it will not enter the Paradise of the Hereafter. Remembrance is not only a safe haven from the problems and worries of this world, but it is also the short and easy path to achieving ultimate success. Read the various revealed texts that refer to the remembrance of Allah, and you will appreciate its benefits.

When you remember Allah, clouds of worry and fear are driven away, and the mountains that make up your problems are blown away.

We should not be surprised when we hear that people who remember Allah are at peace. What is truly surprising is how the negligent and unmindful survive without remembering Him.

"[They are] dead, lifeless, and they know not when they will be raised up." (Qur'an 16: 21)

O' whosoever complains of sleepless nights and is in shock over his misfortune, call out His Holy Name.

"Do you know of any that is similar to Him! [There is nothing like unto Him and He is the All-Hearer; the All-Seer]"
(Qur'an 19: 65)

To the degree that you remember Allah, your heart will be calm and cheerful. His remembrance carries with it the meaning of total dependence upon Him, of turning to Him for aid, of having good thoughts about Him, and of waiting for victory from Him. Truly, He is near when supplicated: He hears when He is called and He answers when He is invoked, so humble yourself before Him and ask of Him sincerely. Repeat His beautiful blessed name, and mention Him as being alone worthy of worship. Mention His praises, supplicate to Him, and ask forgiveness from Him: you will then find - by the will of Allah- happiness, peace, and illumination.

"So Allah gave them the reward of this world and the excellent reward of the Hereafter" (Quran 3: 148)

http://www.islambasics.com/view.php?bkID=177&chapter=24

Scimi
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 01:00 PM
Here you go bro SK, this is a nasheed which inspires me a lot. It has a beautiful message in it, watch thru to the end, and be inspired to make that change in your life my brother - it inspires me to do the same.



Surround yourself with things which benefit and inspire within you to conquer the very things you feel are mountainous and impossible. I told you before, difficult takes a day impossible takes a week. I honestly believe this and live it.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 03:27 PM
Dear brother Scimi and others,
e
I told you I am hasty. I was once working in projects, I couldnot sleep untill I had finished it whether it meant working 48 hours straight without sleeping and food. Similarly, I want my life to change in a jiffy. There is nothing impossible for Allah, then why he isnt helping me ? Why did he make me like this in the first place ?

I have seen people indulged in all sorts of worldly vices, drinking, womanizing etc and yet they enjoy a great life. I am stuck. Especially when you all your nightmares coming true in front of your very own eyes what will you do and say. I have seen baddest of things happen to me word by word as I predicted. I think bad and it comes true word by word or scene by scene. There is never any luck or any exception. I have never experienced any lucky escape in the recent times. All my nightmares are hitting the target (bullseye !)

Even when I work hard and try to avoid my nightmares, they happened. There's no escape from them at least.


How would you explain this ?
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 04:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Dear brother Scimi and others,

I told you I am hasty. I was once working in projects, I couldnot sleep untill I had finished it whether it meant working 48 hours straight without sleeping and food. Similarly, I want my life to change in a jiffy. There is nothing impossible for Allah, then why he isnt helping me ? Why did he make me like this in the first place ?
If Allah wanted, HE could have created the universe in a second also - but HE chose 6 periods of creation instead. So do not mock your own understanding when you have not even understood the subtleties of Allah's modus operandi at all... why should HE miraculously fix your life? You got two arms and legs that work, a heart that works and a mind that works - a roof over your head, meals given to you - you are really quite the ungrateful person now that I consider all the hungry and homeless who are sufferring in the thrid world... what have you done to ease their situation? And why should Allah magically fix you up? You've been your own enemy since, well, however long it has been - and you cannot reconcile this with stupid and ridiculous logic - if logic is even the right word...

...the bottom line is - what have you done to change your situation? You want us to feel sorry for you? Bro - grow up. You aint no child anymore so stop talking like an idiotic 9 year old - and believe me that is exactly how you sound. Conquer your emotions maaan, be firm and BELIEVE with all your heart mind and soul... you strike me as the blue jeans jamaat type who only visits masjids on a Friday and then wonders why his life is so phucked. Get a grip of your own hypocrisy, there is no escaping the questions of your own life when Allah accounts all creation on the day of judgement.... cars came and went, hovercarft came and went, boats came and went, even a helicopter arrived but you my dear brother - are as spiritually blind as dajjal - you are only deceiving your own self with such self absorbed westernized dumbed down pity - it's ridiculous and does not suit Muslim men... if I didn't know any better, I'd have guessed I was responding to a 9 year old girl who belongs in a mental asylum. That's the truth.

We've given you just about all the adivse we can give - and I do not wish to waste my time on this any more since I know everything I write here always falls on your deaf ears and self absorbed stupidity.

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I have seen people indulged in all sorts of worldly vices, drinking, womanizing etc and yet they enjoy a great life. I am stuck. Especially when you all your nightmares coming true in front of your very own eyes what will you do and say. I have seen baddest of things happen to me word by word as I predicted. I think bad and it comes true word by word or scene by scene. There is never any luck or any exception. I have never experienced any lucky escape in the recent times. All my nightmares are hitting the target (bullseye !)

Even when I work hard and try to avoid my nightmares, they happened. There's no escape from them at least.


How would you explain this ?
I would explain this very simply... you have let yourself feel comfortable in the grip of shayateen. But you are not beyond hope. This is all we've been trying to tell you. BUT NO... you prefer the company of the waswasa you have become accustomed to... go see a mufti who can do ruqya on you.

You're beyond my help. And that is because you WANT TO BE BEYOND HELP - it's bloody well stupid of you.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 05:11 PM
you are right bro, I went to masjid and prayed only on jummas, ramadan and eids. However from last few weeks I am not being able to drag myself to masjid on Jummas also. I am surely beyond help. I need a ruqya and maybe riddance from some sort of magic that is common these days.
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 05:25 PM
Good stuff brother.

I used to have the same problem. I woke up one Sunday crying, thinking that I am beyond hope. IN my state I made dua to Allah to help because HE says that if we take one step towards HIM, HE takes two towards us... I thought about that bro... and you know what I discovered?

Check this out.

How seemingly small and insignificant is our 1 step towards HIM - and how immeasuraby large is HIS one step towards us? Imagine that bro... and then prepare for that WOW moment - HE doesn't stop there - HE takes another step towards us also - imagine that? TWO HUUUUUGE STEPS towards us...

....go to masjid bro. Look, do this tonight brother, have a shower, wear some clean clothes, do wudhu, and go to masjid, and just sit there - just sit there and do nothing, observe what goes on, how Muslims greet each other, how they smile, how they have time for one another - and then wonder, wouldn't you like to be in that company too? And then do this - go up to those brothers, introduce yourself and say "I have been watching you brothers, you captured my heart in the way you greet each other, I really wish I had company like yours - may I be your companion so I may learn from you?"

Beleive it or not, I did this. And it worked :) And I have a baaaad reputation in London - if they can accept me bro, you have nothing to fear.... in the process of getting to know these brothers, you will find yourself going to Masjid more often also - double benefit. We are the company we keep huh bro? :)

I see that you want to fix these issues, and though I sound harsh brother - believe me - the one reason I was unable to fix up was because people were too nice to me, without being firm enough with me - I had to learn to be firm with myself, harsh with myself, so I could break the patterns which I had made in my own life.

Today, I do not even recognize my old self anymore, and cannot believe I did those horrible things in my old life - I've been given a new lease of life and I have learnt to take each day, each hour and each minute - as it comes. I no longer waste time on useless thoughts such as the past and the fture - I know what needs to be done, I just do it now... sure some days I will get lazy but then, in panic and regret, I make up for it.

Life is a journey bro, so take that first step... please akhi - go to the masjid, and just sit there ok?

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 05:57 PM
you could handle because Allah made you strong on the other hand i am too weak mentally to handle my problems. sorry but thats truth.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-09-2015, 06:03 PM
i can feel your pain screaming out of your post bro

If you pull out the teeth of someone who cant comprehend why he may hate you (the dentist) for causing him such pain, but if you could see why he is pulling out that teeth... you would love him...
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 06:19 PM
Bro's all of you have been spot on. Allah is the most kind, but in my case it seems I will get no where in life, and will end up a failure due to my faults. Am I wrong in praying for death ?
Reply

Scimitar
06-09-2015, 06:43 PM
Make yourself strong then brother... go for the ruqya ok? and go to masjid... one step, following another step. It's really only as easy or as difficult as you make it - no excuses bro - JUST DO IT :)

I believe you can. No one is beyond hope - for you to say such nonsensical things, you are denying Allah, for HE says:

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." - Al Quran, Surah Az-Zumar 39:53

So do not despair - be strong. :)

Yes, you got yourself into this mess - so now you have to do something to get yourself out of it.

And wishing for death is stupid and illogical as well as selfish - no parent should have to burden the wieght of their childs coffin - for if they do - the parents also die, a living death - is that what you want? Is that how selfish you've become? is that how self absorbed you really are? You don't care for no one but your own pathetic miserable self? Get a grip bro - your educated apparently - so show it.

Signor made an excellent post about the effort you put into your educations - but now you have a loser mentality ???? how does that make sense? Bro - fix up lol you freaking idiot.

We are not going to molly coddle you anymore - now you need stiff words directed at you - so stop being a crybaby loser fool and fix up already... don't you ever get angry at your self for being such a coward? Grow some balls dammit. Or do you enjoy being the shame of your family?

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 07:03 PM
probably i enjoy people looking at me with disgust and shame, and want sympathy.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 07:10 PM
one more thing can anyone also tell me how can I become, acts and look more mature !"?
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 07:19 PM
You're 26 years old, and still wanting to reach maturity of intellect - understandable - people who have had everything handed to them on a plate usually suffer this crisis...

...you have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth, as the saying goes. You've had a priveleged education and life so far - but because you've had it easy, you expect life to be easy - I got news for you kid.

You is in a world of hurt. You are waking up. But you have nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to - and you are spiritually blind as a bat - actually no, I think bats have a keener vision than you on these matters, no joke.

Bro I'm asking you a serious question - why do you enjoy your misery? Don't you find it pathetic? Don't you get angry at yourself and then tell your heart "Right that's it, i've had enough - i'm gonna do something about this" and then just get stronger - if even momentarily? Why did you not watch the video i posted on page one? And most of all - why are you such a selfish person? Why ME ME ME???

I could never respect a person like that. Could you? I hughly doubt it - so this is the reason you need to change - no one can respect you in this state - and thus you need to learn a little self respect my friend.

Now... answer those questions.

Scimi
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 07:22 PM
AH you know what bro? dont even bother to answer the questions - just leave this forum - you are not here for advice - you've not followed any advice we've given you - so STOP WASTING OUR TIME.

Assalaam alaikum

Scimi
Reply

Scimitar
06-09-2015, 07:29 PM
All the advice anyone can hope for in a situation such as yours is in this thread - but you've ignored it ALL... you clearly don't want help - guess what?

The rescue cars came and went a looooong time ago, the hovercrafts and boats too - and the helicopters are now leaving - so you go answer to Allah on the day of judgement about how usless an idiot you was and then burn in hell for eternity ok? Is that ok with you? goooood - I'll pop my head over the preoverbial barrier while I am in heaven and point to you and then ask you "how you feel now?" and then watch as the words are taken from you by an angel of hell as he drags you deeper into the pit - OK?

Good.

I wont wish you salaam - simply because you really don't want it.

Go wallow in your self absorbed pitiful self - you wanna be a loser. SO be a loser - please do not bother us anymore.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 07:40 PM
i could not watch the video because youtube is banned in Pakistan. True I have been handed everything in a spoon. This dunya and religion were given to me by my parent and didnt have to move a muscle. But everytime I try to do something I fail like I told you about business venture (stock investment went wrong). I lost money. I tried for marriage and proposals were rejected ( despite a wali who is a very religion person is blind and so spirtual that he can tell about just be hearing the name of persons with their mothers name) i do gym but the problem is in few months I get bored of everything and wants to do something new. I have worked in various businesses owned by my family and irrespective of success or failure I change every few months. You are right I have no self respect because I havent really achieved anything apart from academic success. I once prayed all my prayers and did qll sorts of duas and wazifas and yet I failed. I started hating this life. I have gone downjill since my a level in every aspect of my life. i am sure people hate me cause I am too dependent on others. I do not want to accept any responsibility now and want others to take my decisions so that I can blame them once I fail ( and I do not dissappoint myself in failing in easy battles) I believed that everything happened for the good and Allah had a master plan. but now seeing so much gone wrong, I lost hope. Sometimes I feel a slight subtle turn and collision with a tree while driving at 100 km/h can only bring me salvation. I cannot enjoy anything anymore even when I am laughing and watching a show some pain is always at the back of mind. It feels that unknown forces are pullong me with my hair towards opposite sides. No one can help me and I am stuck in the middle of deen and dunya and do not plan to go either direction. divine intervention does not come to sinners like me, but when I see around I see people who have done greater evil are rewarded more. I have lost it bro again. I do not have passion for anything anymore. The only time I feel sensible is when I smoke. I am aways from drinks or drugs, but I feel its a matter of time God Forbid. I also cannot imagine a life without my parents so I want to die before them. i am also so fed up of this corrupt world and my country tops in everything that is bad. There is no escape from it. I am experiencing hell in this world, it is now easy for me if Allah sends me to hell in the hereafter cause I have experienced it.

PS: Good flourising life in terms of financial strength does not mean that you have a bed of roses. Instead blacksheeps in families like mine go through the mental torture and hell in this world.
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Layth
06-09-2015, 07:41 PM
To add to the excellent advice that Scmi and others have given you (don't give up on him bro Scmi, just take a break from this thread perhaps?), I honestly think that you should stop being so fatalistic or expectant of a miracle from Allah swt.


As for your question about looking more mature, you need to work on you body language and your confidence. At first, you can fake this, even if you don't necessarily feel it. Start looking people in the eye, stand up straight, square your shoulders, lift your head up and walk around with purpose, confidence, and even with attitude. Start believing in yourself, in your worth and in your potential to be a good and successful person. If you start believing in yourself, and acting others will start seeing that in you also.


It is no coincidence that those that believe that they have been dealt a bad card often underachieve, or take badly the slings and arrows of bad fortune that we all face in life. It's time to drag yourself away slowly from that negative state of mind that you currently wallow in, and your life will slowly improve. Either way, I wish you well bro.
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 07:46 PM
I can try but this brother is disingenuous in his attempt at reconciling his problems... he hasn't tried even one thing - what makes you think he will listen to you Layth?

He hasn't listened to anyone but his own waswasa.

Scimi
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 07:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
i could not watch the video because youtube is banned in Pakistan. True I have been handed everything in a spoon. This dunya and religion were given to me by my parent and didnt have to move a muscle. But everytime I try to do something I fail like I told you about business venture (stock investment went wrong). I lost money. I tried for marriage and proposals were rejected ( despite a wali who is a very religion person is blind and so spirtual that he can tell about just be hearing the name of persons with their mothers name)
WARNING:

STOP.... that isn't no wali - that is a magician.

Stay clear of such frauds.

Do not seek your fortune in men who ask for your name and your mothers name - they are CLEAR BLACK MAGICIANS...

...now you know one of the roots of your problems.

No real awliyah of Allah will ever need to know your mothers name - they know the religion well and so can adivse without divination - trust me, that man is a magician and bound for the hellfire.


format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
i do gym but the problem is in few months I get bored of everything and wants to do something new. I have worked in various businesses owned by my family and irrespective of success or failure I change every few months. You are right I have no self respect because I havent really achieved anything apart from academic success. I once prayed all my prayers and did qll sorts of duas and wazifas and yet I failed. I started hating this life. I have gone downjill since my a level in every aspect of my life. i am sure people hate me cause I am too dependent on others. I do not want to accept any responsibility now and want others to take my decisions so that I can blame them once I fail ( and I do not dissappoint myself in failing in easy battles) I believed that everything happened for the good and Allah had a master plan. but now seeing so much gone wrong, I lost hope. Sometimes I feel a slight subtle turn and collision with a tree while driving at 100 km/h can only bring me salvation. I cannot enjoy anything anymore even when I am laughing and watching a show some pain is always at the back of mind. It feels that unknown forces are pullong me with my hair towards opposite sides. No one can help me and I am stuck in the middle of deen and dunya and do not plan to go either direction. divine intervention does not come to sinners like me, but when I see around I see people who have done greater evil are rewarded more. I have lost it bro again. I do not have passion for anything anymore. The only time I feel sensible is when I smoke. I am aways from drinks or drugs, but I feel its a matter of time God Forbid. I also cannot imagine a life without my parents so I want to die before them. i am also so fed up of this corrupt world and my country tops in everything that is bad. There is no escape from it. I am experiencing hell in this world, it is now easy for me if Allah sends me to hell in the hereafter cause I have experienced it.

PS: Good flourising life in terms of financial strength does not mean that you have a bed of roses. Instead blacksheeps in families like mine go through the mental torture and hell in this world.
that's the doing of your magician right there... trust me on this.

Do you wear taweez too? Boy oh boy... now I think I know what the problem is... bloody Pakistan is full of black magicians parading around as wali's... same as India man.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 07:58 PM
Dont say this bro. I hate this taweez and other stuff more than anything. if you think Istikhara is magic then that is what he does. He is one of the most religious persons. Dont mould it according to what you like. I summed up everything in the above post. Despite positive istikharas, I have failed bro and that is what hits you right in the middle of your heart.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 07:59 PM
and accusing anyone is a ticket to hell bro. I think I will have some company.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 08:01 PM
even in istikhara duas you have to use mother's name.
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 08:08 PM
What makes you think you have to give your mothers name in istikhara? that is simply false.

You need to read up on black magic and magicians bro - here:

Ibn Taymiyyahs Essay on the Jinn.

Sword against black magic and evil magicians.

get these two and then come back here with your limited knowledge expounded upon and try to make the same points.

As for istikhara - are you so stupid that tyou think God doesn't know who is praying to him? And so needs a reference code in the form of your name and your mothers name? That is simply dumb. It is magicians who require the name of your mother and your name... and possibly an item of clothing or something personal to the subject - in this case - you.

You do istikhara ever? what do you even know about Islamic practice in this regard apart from the tribal BS your Pakistani culture have brainwashed you with?

I've suffere both, black magic and jinn, and came through it - educated myself on it and more - so I know I can tell you that you are in the grip of a powerful magic and your defeatist stance is more than telling it - you are a classic case of black magic bro.

And the truth is, you ARE IN DENIAL OF IT.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 08:11 PM
what if I show you the links of the dia from some of the reknowned scholars. It is also a hadoth when making supplications and on the days of judgements you will be called from tour mothers' name. and why do tou think the positive istikaras yielded wrong results. Why did Allah made me suffer ?
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 08:15 PM
Bro I give you a simple analogy ok?

Take a glass of milk, and put one drop of poison in it...

... is it a glass of milk still? or is it a poisoned drink?

Hmmm... something tells me you are beyond the ability to rationalise anything in lieu of your silly bias.

You need no intermediary - that is your first mistake. The shuyookh should only ever guide a muslim though advice. Anything more than that is wrong.

You know what intermediaries lead you to? Shirk.

And that my friend, is unforgivable.

Scimi

EDIT: the proof is in the pudding - when has your istikhara of magic (lol) ever worked? From what you say, your life is just getting worse - you are so blind that you can't even see this? Boy oh boy... Oh kaay then. you keep believing in your shirk.

I'm done here.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 08:17 PM
he is a a learned man and its better for more religious ppl to do istikhara on your behalf. Besides my mom also did istikhara and it was positive. so ?
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 08:26 PM
[QUOTE=Scimitar;2847930]Bro I give you a simple analogy ok?


Take a glass of milk, and put one drop of poison in it...

... is it a glass of milk still? or is it a poisoned drink?

Hmmm... something tells me you are beyond the ability to rationalise anything in lieu of your silly bias.

You need no intermediary - that is your first mistake. The shuyookh should only ever guide a muslim though advice. Anything more than that is wrong.

You know what intermediaries lead you to? Shirk.

And that my friend, is unforgivable.

Scimi

EDIT: the proof is in the pudding - when has your istikhara of magic (lol) ever worked? From what you say, your life is just getting worse - you are so blind that you can't even see this? Boy oh boy... Oh kaay then. you keep believing in your shirk.

I'm done here.[/QUOTE

And by your logic will black magicians are strongers than will of Allah. Now that is shirk. not even a leave falls without Allah's permission.

I will be going to hell but you will be coming with me good bro.
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Signor
06-09-2015, 08:27 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
Bro's all of you have been spot on. Allah is the most kind, but in my case it seems I will get no where in life, and will end up a failure due to my faults.
My friend,suffering is not ennobling,transcending it is.No one likes fake toughness,however,moaning and groaning doesn't suits on men(and it is not appreciated by women either since you are also looking for a potential spouse). Men are not only supposed to combat at various level and multiple battlefields but also lend their abilities for others.

By the way,considering you have already spent one fourth of life span(assumed to be one hundred) available,you are no "small kid". Quit living in a delusional world.

And talking about passing hundred mark,a video went viral of Louise Bonito who prepared to blow out her candles after taking a deep breath - but before she could exhale properly, her full set of false teeth shoot out and land on the table next to the cake.Hopefully it will bring the temperature down a little bit.

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smallkid
06-09-2015, 08:35 PM
very wise of you Signor bro. Clear one confusion why positive ostikharas yielded wrong or undesirable results ?
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MuslimInshallah
06-09-2015, 08:54 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,

About istikharah… perhaps you could read up on how to do it properly here: http://www.islamicity.com/articles/A...ef=MM1201-4985

This article (or if you prefer, you can watch the video linked at the end) has a good look at the istikharah prayer. And no, you do not need your mother's name for this.

God Bless.
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 08:57 PM
Exactly, thank you sister MuslimInshaAllah,

The brother clearly doesn't know the difference between black magic and istikhara - there is a world of difference.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 09:24 PM
keep accusing him. let me share the link l. repent bro before all your amaals are wasted.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 09:30 PM
http://www.yaallah.in/2013/08/21/lov...age-istikhara/

brother you have tried so much to help me and bear with me. I would be the last person who would want you to come to hell with me.
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 09:32 PM
by the way I have always considered it unislic to talk to any girl despite co-ed let alone go for a love marriage. All the responsibility of selecting a girl is with my mother. However the above link shows one way of doing a istikaraha/
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Scimitar
06-09-2015, 09:37 PM
Brother, you do not even go to a masjid, cannot even make yourself do salaah and somehow you've become an expert in istikhara? although you do not do istikhara yourself and instead ask others to do it on your behalf? :D

grow a brain akhi.

You're a victim of black magic... the sooner you realise this, the sooner you can do something about it.

Now, you said you intended to get Ruqya done... my advise is to do it, and the results will confirm what I suspect.

Scimi
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smallkid
06-09-2015, 09:56 PM
You can say anything to me bro, but calling a religious person a black magician is not right. I am no expert in Istikharah or religion bit I do know that accusing someone is wrong. I may or may not be a vctim of Black Magic (No signs I feel) but do yu think that black magic is stronger than the Will of Allah ? Can it prevent Allah's decree from occuring ? isnt it a shirk ? If Allah wants you pray can a black magician stop it ? No my bro not every problem is black magic ?

What do you have to say about istikhara results going wrong ?
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Alpha Dude
06-09-2015, 10:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
You can say anything to me bro, but calling a religious person a black magician is not right. I am no expert in Istikharah or religion bit I do know that accusing someone is wrong. I may or may not be a vctim of Black Magic (No signs I feel) but do yu think that black magic is stronger than the Will of Allah ? Can it prevent Allah's decree from occuring ? isnt it a shirk ? If Allah wants you pray can a black magician stop it ? No my bro not every problem is black magic ?

What do you have to say about istikhara results going wrong ?
The istikhara page that you linked mentions the dua of istikhara and the meaning is along these lines:

O Allah, You have power (control) and I have no control and You know and I do not know, and You know the condition of the Unseen. Thus if You see (deem fit) that this woman (here mention her name) is good for me concerning my Deen, world and Akhirah then grant me her control (make it possible that I marry her) and if besides her there be (another woman) which is better for me concerning Deen and Akhirah then specify her for me (grant me control over he)".

So, you can see, it is abundantly clear that the woman who you intended to marry was not a good fit for you per the dua.
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Signor
06-10-2015, 04:49 AM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
why positive istikharas yielded wrong or undesirable results ?
Istikhara is nothing more than a normal Dua in which a person prays to Allah to guide him to reach a right decision.The expected result of Istikhara is that the relevant person himself takes a decision which is good for him in this world or in the hereinafter or in both. But just as the grant of other prayers depends on certain conditions the Istikhara is subject to those conditions as well. If some of these conditions are lacking, it is not necessary that this prayer is granted.

Second, to make an Istikhara does not mean that a person abandons all other necessary enquiries. A person must carry out all efforts necessary to reach a correct decision even after making Istikhara. If a person is content on Istikhara only and does not make the required efforts to reach the correct decision he may fall into error.

There's no point in doing istikhara if we don't put our trust in Allah. That's what Istikhara is all about - to ask Allah for His guidance and then letting Him guide you in it(Check this explanation). To say whether or not this "result" should then be followed nullifies the entire purpose of asking for guidance and help.
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Abz2000
06-10-2015, 06:36 AM
You're better of with weed as a relaxant than those nerve damaging cocktails they'll inject you with if they determine you're a suicide risk.
Some of those chemicals have lobotomy like effects which cut off your ability to make connections and think quickly.

Weed is risky too though as shaytaan gives you waswas, and if you've got porn issues it'll probably wind you up another notch - wouldn't recommend it as a best option.
Some still wonder if the forbidden tree contained hallucinogens - it defo got them thinking abt sx and suddenly feelng the need to cover up like they suddenly came back to their senses. SubhanAah - only Allah is free from imperfection.

ThemesII Our Youth ...the Essential Model
THE ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE ON ADOLESCENCE

The essential stage in biological life, and the stage at which Islamic legal liability is assumed, is adolescence. On this subject, the specialists and researchers in education, psychology and sociology, have averred that it is the most important stage in life. How should we regard the state of adolescence?
When Islam directs the human being, it directs the kinetics of his being, emphasizing the elements of "practical anxiety" in his inner self. When God speaks of Adam as an example to humankind, He says:

"And we had taken the covenant of Adam, but he forgot and We found in him no firm resolve" (Taha, 20:11 20:115).

The discourse here is about Adam as an example, in his role as a person who does not possess the strong resolve of God's words:
"The human being is created in haste, I will show you My signs, but ask Me not to hasten" (al Anbiya, 21:37); "And the human was ever hasty " (al Isra, 17:11);
"Man was created weak" (al-Nisa, 4:28);
"God is He who shaped you out of weakness" (al Rum, 30:54);
and "Neither do 1 absolve myself of blame for the human self is prone to evil except that on which my Lord has bestowed His Mercy" (Yusuf, 12:53).
We see, then, in more than one verse, that the emphasis is on the fact that, when created, the human being was not cast with monolithic strength, but that there are elements of weakness residing in his being.When we study these elements of weakness, we see that....[

http://english.bayynat.org.lb/Worldo...themesII-1.htm
Anyway, the fact that Adam pbuh kept messing up should be a useful reminder to us when we try to stand back up again.
But also bearing in mind that he had the experiences of no elders or peers to derive from and could be excused easier.
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Layth
06-10-2015, 06:51 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000
You're better of with weed as a relaxant than those nerve damaging cocktails they'll inject you with if they determine you're a suicide risk.
Some of those chemicals have lobotomy like effects which cut off your ability to make connections and think quickly.

Weed is risky too though as shaytaan gives you waswas, and if you've got porn issues it'll probably wind you up another notch - wouldn't recommend it as a best option.
Some still wonder if the forbidden tree contained hallucinogens - it defo got them thinking abt sx and suddenly feelng the need to cover up like they suddenly came back to their senses. SubhanAah - only Allah is free from imperfection.
Morning bro. I know you mean well, but I'm not convinced that this is the most informed post that I've ever read.

If anyone is experiencing mental health issues, including depression, weed is the last thing they should consider. And contrary to what you say, professional, medical help is definitely the right way to try to tackle such issues. Who are you or I to argue against centuries of research and treatment and experience that medical professionals call upon, when diagnosing and medicating mental health issues?

Smallkid, in my humble opinion, you are almost borderline depressed. That would explain your inability to currently break out of the negative spiral of thoughts that engulf you. Where do you live?
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 08:40 AM
I live in Pakistan. Being depressed is one thing and being ugly, confused and depressed with nothing good happening is another.
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Layth
06-10-2015, 08:51 AM
It's part and parcel of the same thing. Once your thoughts improve, you will notice that things are not as bad as you currently feel.

You have money, can you go see a doctor? I'm pretty sure you can get good treatment, if you are lucky enough to have the money for it in Pakistan? Just get a professional opinion?
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 08:57 AM
You have a email address, I will share a photo with you that will show that I am a lost cause.
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Layth
06-10-2015, 09:09 AM
Hi. I do, but I don't need a photo; no one is a lost cause.

I had a disabled brother who was plagued by numerous physical and mental illnesses. Yet he loved every day that he lived, and clung onto life with every ounce of energy that his body could muster. He was not a lost cause, and you are not neither.
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 09:39 AM
You won't see the pain unless you see the photos. It's worse than being disabled or any other problem.
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Layth
06-10-2015, 09:43 AM
In that case, you need to find a way to overcome that pain and find acceptance with the person you are.
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 10:04 AM
Ok thanks bro
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Abz2000
06-10-2015, 08:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Layth
Morning bro. I know you mean well, but I'm not convinced that this is the most informed post that I've ever read.

If anyone is experiencing mental health issues, including depression, weed is the last thing they should consider. And contrary to what you say, professional, medical help is definitely the right way to try to tackle such issues. Who are you or I to argue against centuries of research and treatment and experience that medical professionals call upon, when diagnosing and medicating mental health issues?

Smallkid, in my humble opinion, you are almost borderline depressed. That would explain your inability to currently break out of the negative spiral of thoughts that engulf you. Where do you live?
Bro, most of that stuff in psychiatry is hit and miss quackery which is prescribed after talking to a patient a few hours over the course of a few days with no regard to the complex incidents and multiple minor lead up stagesthat lead to conditions, most conditions that are not a result of direct brain damage can be resolved with better living and healthy surroundings, chemicals in brain circuitry are known and proven to stabilize with no foreign chemical insertion other than decent food, a person who works with mental health units explained to me that the medication is usually quite uniform among the masses and that it shuts off complex procedures, people can sometimes become like zombies.

Anyone who's reasearched lobotomy would know how vague, clueless and brutal the process is.
It was pushed as a viable method in america and was standard procedure there long after countries like russia and germany had discarded it.
Anyways, ur brain can't be working right if your soul isn't working right so it might be an irony but the Quran explains that those who reject faith are most astray rom the path and mad (not that i claim to be an angel myself), so some of those shrinks fall into that category, if someone was under covert surveillance and noticed weird incidents like things out of place in their house and claimed such to them, they'd probably label it as paranoia or some other blind label since no proof can be provided to back up such a claim.
Imagine they caught prophet abraham(pbuh) trying to sacrifice his son because he wanted to please God - those infidel shrinks woulda locked him up before you could say "how's your father's mother in law", and after interviewing him and finding that he was hearing voices they would probably attempt an extra dose. Now i know he wasn't the mad one but ask any shrink you know what the standard procedure would be and whether they would ever recognise such claims even if it became obvious but not officially recognised.
Then ask yourself if prescribing medication based on checklists is even valid once obvious truth is deliberately taken out of an equation.

It's hit and miss quackery that can cause permanent brain damage.
In technology we have a saying - if it ain't broken, don't try and take it apart to fix it.

Nerves have a lot in common so it's not just one part of the brain that is effected when a neutralising chemical is randomly pushed into the arm or butt cheek, but it would be difficult to explain that to the antecessors of lobotomists since they must feel they've come a long way from the past few decades.....


Ramadan is a good time to try and heal physically and spiritually i believe, it becomes easier to make changes and stay focused due to the discipline it requires and taqwa and feeling of Allah's presence it generates, the instructions of the Quran are also brought to the forefront, if that doesn't fix things for at least a few months then God knows what will.antecessors of lobotomists as they feel like they've made a
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 09:40 PM
wow from black magic as suggested by scimi to brain damage. Wow compounded problems. god is great and I am very lucky. In the current condition ramadan for me will be just another months with no pray and only music and gym to make sure that my mind stays in the right faith. It will be just a month where I will fast for better health and nothing more. Pain and more pain to follow.
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BeTheChange
06-10-2015, 10:04 PM
Am tempted to ask mods to close this thread. Only because it seems as though you are not benefitting from ANY advice on this thread.

Why are you intentionally talking nonsense for? Ramadan with no pray and just gym? Brother scimitar has exhausted himself as well as other members and given you the privilege of sharing their tips and practical steps and you're not taking their advice on board. So if you adamant and stubborn in not changing bad ways that's your choice. Allah keeps giving you chances each day and you're choosing to ignore HIM so how can we expect you to take our advice seriously, when you're failing to treat yourself with respect and neglecting your Muslim duties.

The road of self-pity is a dangerous and dark one. You know the difference between right and wrong.
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BeTheChange
06-10-2015, 10:26 PM
May I ask what is the end goal? What are you hoping to achieve by creating this thread? Which questions are outstanding? Why are you not willing to help yourself by digesting the info on this thread and changing your outlook? Or at least, attempting to consult with religious scholars?


What action apart from replying back, has been taken from YOUR side to change you?

You don't need to answer me but ponder on these questions and answers.
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smallkid
06-10-2015, 10:33 PM
look bro nothing can be improvedr without the help of Allah swt sending divine intervention or making a miracle happen ( i am this screwed)
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Muhammad
06-10-2015, 10:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
look bro nothing can be improvedr without the help of Allah swt
Yes, and also making an effort. If you are not going to make any effort to help yourself and even worse, insist on failure, there is little we can do to help you. May Allaah :swt: guide you.
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