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Lisa921
05-29-2015, 02:15 AM
Today as I was setting my bag in my locker at work I looked down and there was a note.
It said
You are the greatest person
The most excited person to work with
You own my heart
:embarrass
There was a drawing of a little heart instead of a signature and it was in pink writing!

I was like happy all night and wondering who could have sent it to me:)
I guess I have an admirer.
Isn't that sweet? I just wanted to share.
Lisa
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greenhill
05-29-2015, 09:57 AM
That's nice.

How simple things in life means more than an expensive gift! :shade:

:peace:
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BeTheChange
05-29-2015, 03:40 PM
Awwww well done!!

A small act such a smile is also charity so keep smiling and you'll bring happiness to another individual in sha Allah.

Good to feel appreciated - hope the anonymous individual reveals his/her identity soon :-)
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Muslim Woman
05-29-2015, 04:25 PM
:sl:


hope it was from a sis . Best of luck .
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Insaanah
05-29-2015, 06:22 PM
Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
hope it was from a sis
Yes, though these days, in Western countries, even that can sometimes be worrying...

Personally, if this incident happened to me, I would be very worried, concerned, and freaked out, and would use that as a point of personal reflection.

The points I would reflect about myself, is how I appear and carry myself at work. In terms of how I appear, do my clothes need to be looser, do the colours need to be more muted or plain, and do I need to cover myself better.

From the demeanour point of view, I would reflect on, have I been inadvertently, without realising it, been too smily/laughing or talkative with members of the opposite gender, or have I inadvertently been the same with them as women and not distinguished between the two.

In Islam, any necessary interactions with the opposite gender (non mahrams) are meant to be polite but business like, and we're not meant to be soft of speech:

"O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah , then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech." (33:32)

If after reflection, I can find nothing that I can improve on, then I would pray to Allah to protect me.

A small act such a smile is also charity so keep smiling and you'll bring happiness to another individual in sha Allah.
Remember though, this applies to members of the same gender only.

And Allah knows best.
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BeTheChange
05-29-2015, 06:38 PM
Asalamualykum,

Jazahka Allah for the reminder. I think personally i have breached this rule if am honest. In the workplace i am very friendly to both genders. I think it's hard not to get personal when you spend more time in work than you do at home. However, that being said i am ALWAYS mindful of Allah swt and i do try my best to keep interaction to the minimum.

Very good point and excellent reminder for me. Moving forward, this is going to be a challenge for me because i do have a friendly approachable character but at the same time i keep myself to myself. Hmmm....Got me thinking now sis...

Am also a very smiley person to both genders imsad. I don't have bad intentions when i smile (Allah knows best!), it just happens...Does this mean you can't smile to opposite gender? For example, when you're walking, in the workplace and so on? Is this a sin?

Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!
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ardianto
05-29-2015, 07:11 PM
Originally Posted by Insaanah
Remember though, this applies to members of the same gender only.
Does it means I should not smile to a poor old woman when I give sadaqah to her?. Does it mean I should not smile when I greet the ustadzah who taught Qur'an to my mother?.

I always smile to when I need to smile, to men and women. Of course, my smile is always polite smile .

There is no prohibition for smile to opposite gender, as long as with purpose of charity, politely, and not to attract someone. In example, like when you smile and say thank you to a man who tell you that your wallet fall.
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Insaanah
05-29-2015, 07:18 PM
:salam:

Originally Posted by ardianto
Does it means I should not smile to a poor old woman when I give sadaqah to her?. Does it mean I should not smile when I greet the ustadzah who taught Qur'an to my mother?.

I always smile to when I need to smile, to men and women. Of course, my smile is always polite smile .

There is no prohibition for smile to opposite gender, as long as with purpose of charity, politely, and not to attract someone. In example, like when you smile and say thank you to a man who tell you that your wallet fall.
When referring to the hadeeth, the hadeeth says that a smile to your brother is charity.

"Every good is charity. Indeed among the good is to meet your brother with a smiling face, and to pour what is left in your bucket into the vessel of your brother."
http://www.sunnah.com/tirmidhi/27/76

So for example, a man walks past another man on the street, who he doesn't know and smiles at him. That is charity. A sister walks past a man on the street, a non-mahram she doesn't know, and smiles at him. Is that charity, or even appropriate? Or vice versa. This is what I'm referring to, and was making a clarification, that we make a distinction between men and women, in case there was misunderstanding. There will be exceptions, when it may be appropriate, such as you describe above, but they would be circumstance-specific exceptions rather than the general rule.

And Allah knows best.
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Lisa921
05-31-2015, 06:59 AM
salaam alaykum
so you are all going to laugh...
I found out today that the letter was mistakenly put in my locker!
Well actually, it was intentional but it was not for me. because I was sharing a locker part time with a guy from work. that guy uses the locker sometimes when I am not using it. Ya our boss is too cheap to get everyone their own locker I guess. lol hahaha anyways, so the letter was actually for HIM! from a girl at work.
HAHAHA
I laughed when he told me that. I thought it was cute though.
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Layth
06-03-2015, 06:28 AM
You took that well sister, I think I personally would have struggled if I'd been in your shoes, received a lovely compliment, and then have it taken away from me.
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Scimitar
06-03-2015, 11:16 AM
uh... phew?

Scimi
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MuslimInshallah
06-03-2015, 07:29 PM
Assalaamu alaikum Lisa,

(smile) I rather wondered when you said the writing was in pink… it sounded like a woman. But I like the way you looked at things. You saw the beautiful in the gesture, and you saw the positive in the outcome. (smile) Life is a dappling of light, I think. Some see more shadows, and some see more light. (smile) I enjoyed seeing the light through your eyes.

Hugs, Lisa.

May Allah, the Bestower, Gift us with eyes that can see the beautiful. And Bless those who share the beautiful they see.
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Lisa921
06-03-2015, 11:55 PM
aww you guys are sweet thanks
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Signor
06-05-2015, 09:21 AM
:sl:

I refrain myself from pulling the trigger of judgement,unlike many I want to see the story unfolds.Alhamdulillah,it has a twist and the outcome wasn't as expected.

In recent times,it has been realized humans are emotional creatures.You push the right buttons and gets the desired results.Unfortunately,many uses it for sinister purposes.You see,Sister Lisa,what was written on paper makes you feel special but maybe at the same time another Lisa,Michelle,Taryn or Marie also feels the same,so even we agrees it is sweet and special,it doesn't makes it "exclusive". Later is what is needed and needs to be understood by both Muslim men and women.In this way,Unmarried can remain safe from the harm of diabolical minds and married will guard their feelings for their respective spouses.

Getting the benefit of this opportunity,I want to take it to another level,our concept of love which I am afraid is shallow now.If you truly loves a person,you never want him/her to get disrespected,Period.There is no need to send cute messages or ask him/her out for date.Even those who have less choices in finding a suitable partner do find a way to neutralize the threat of being seeing as man/woman of loose character.For example,A woman may keep her children with while meeting a possible suitor,through this way she not only protects her physically but also from the onlookers for whom it is just another date(no women meets a man with her children from "this" purpose).Whenever there is a will,there is a way.

As for smile or not smile,I believe if smile is sunnah than over smiling is not appropriate.It should go with conditions naturally warranting them.At the end of the day,No one takes those guys seriously who always keep their teeth on front.We should also remember a psychologically proven fact,Males and Females communicate and interpret things different manners so be wary of any unwanted attention arising from a mistake.

Just my two cents on the topic.
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MuslimInshallah
06-05-2015, 04:36 PM
Assalaamu alaikum Signor,

(smile) It's good to get your two cents (and everyone else's), but sometimes a little cultural background helps understand the meanings of actions.

Originally Posted by Signor
In recent times,it has been realized humans are emotional creatures.You push the right buttons and gets the desired results.Unfortunately,many uses it for sinister purposes.You see,Sister Lisa,what was written on paper makes you feel special but maybe at the same time another Lisa,Michelle,Taryn or Marie also feels the same,so even we agrees it is sweet and special,it doesn't makes it "exclusive". Later is what is needed and needs to be understood by both Muslim men and women.In this way,Unmarried can remain safe from the harm of diabolical minds and married will guard their feelings for their respective spouses.

Getting the benefit of this opportunity,I want to take it to another level,our concept of love which I am afraid is shallow now.If you truly loves a person,you never want him/her to get disrespected,Period.There is no need to send cute messages or ask him/her out for date.
Perhaps in your culture, sending a personalized handwritten note expressing admiration could be seen as disrespectful, but here in Canada, such a gesture would likely be seen as a sign of sincere interest. (twinkle) Of course, we are rather colour-coded for gender (The colours and patterns men and women use tend to be distictly different), and few men would write in pink pen. Blue or black, yes. Pink, no.

A polite personalized note is not disrespectful. Quite the contrary. And remember, we don't have family members who are matchmaking for us. (smile) No rishta aunties! We have different ways of expressing our interest and looking for potential spouses. (smile) And there are social rules as to what is respectable or not.

There is also the phenomenon here of random acts of kindness. For instance, at a masjid one day, I found a folded piece of paper next to the Qur'ans. I had a look, and it was a note written to a random person, saying kind things. The aim was to spread a little light into the person reading the note's day. This phenomenon can also be seen at work in "pay-it-forward". This is when a person goes to a (so far) coffee and snack place, and spontaneously pays an amount of money for the next customers' order (and sometimes it can be many customers!). One of my daughters was a beneficiary of such a random act of kindness; when she went to pay, she was told that someone had already paid for her. And this really did make her day. She was surprised and happy. And she felt like doing the same for another person.

Personally, I find in this cold corporate industrial world, that random acts of kindness are important to help build society.

Originally Posted by Signor
Even those who have less choices in finding a suitable partner do find a way to neutralize the threat of being seeing as man/woman of loose character.For example,A woman may keep her children with while meeting a possible suitor,through this way she not only protects her physically but also from the onlookers for whom it is just another date(no women meets a man with her children from "this" purpose).Whenever there is a will,there is a way.

As for smile or not smile,I believe if smile is sunnah than over smiling is not appropriate.It should go with conditions naturally warranting them.At the end of the day,No one takes those guys seriously who always keep their teeth on front.
Yes, there are ways of doing this. I'm afraid the idea that a woman would never meet with a man for immoral purposes if her children are present…mmm… I'm afraid that the shameless may know no limits.

However, there are ways to protect and build your reputation. How you behave, how you dress, what you talk about, what you chose to do with your life… these are true in all cultures. However, the exact nuances of this depend on the culture. For instance, in some cultures, people do not smile very much. In Canada, however, people smile… a lot!!! If you do not smile, frankly, you will be seen as rude and arrogant. Canadians themselves don't really notice this, but people coming from other countries tend to remark on this: we smile a lot, and are very open.

Originally Posted by Signor
We should also remember a psychologically proven fact,Males and Females communicate and interpret things different manners so be wary of any unwanted attention arising from a mistake.
This is so true. Men and women the world over misinterpret one another. There have been studies of this. And it makes sense: we tend to interpret the other person through our own lens. Women, for instance, tend to treat men like other (female) friends (unless they are specifically taught not to do so), and will feel quite comfortable chatting about whatever is on their minds (twinkle. Which is often things like: relationships, shopping, studies). And men the world over tend to think that women are thinking of the same things that they are (twinkle. Which is good in marriage, but not outside of it)… but they often aren't.

In each culture, we have our norms of acceptable behaviour, and the symbolic meanings we attach to actions and things. Problems are most likely to occur where there is a mixing of peoples from different cultures. We can severely misunderstand one another. When we add the male-female divide into the mix… things can get rather ugly.

I think, above all, we should look to our own behaviours and ask ourselves: is what I am doing acceptable as one who will stand in front of his/her Creator one day? Rather than pointing fingers at others and treating them in ways we feel are not acceptable. (mildly) And then we have to be open to seeing the world from other angles, and taking these other perspectives into account.

If we all try to understand one another, respect one another, and behave to the best of our ability… I think we are navigating Allah's Gift of diversity in the way He Intended.

May Allah, the Designer, Help us to do what is most Pleasing to Him.
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Signor
06-05-2015, 05:10 PM
Waalikum Assalaam

Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
There is also the phenomenon here of random acts of kindness. For instance, at a masjid one day, I found a folded piece of paper next to the Qur'ans. I had a look, and it was a note written to a random person, saying kind things. The aim was to spread a little light into the person reading the note's day. This phenomenon can also be seen at work in "pay-it-forward". This is when a person goes to a (so far) coffee and snack place, and spontaneously pays an amount of money for the next customers' order (and sometimes it can be many customers!). One of my daughters was a beneficiary of such a random act of kindness; when she went to pay, she was told that someone had already paid for her. And this really did make her day. She was surprised and happy. And she felt like doing the same for another person.
Personally,I don't have objection on the first two sentences but

You are the greatest person
The most excited person to work with
You own my heart
There was a drawing of a little heart instead of a signature and it was in pink writing!
...It is last two which can create problems.Is this normal in a Canadian culture?

What If messages like these keeps on growing, ultimately ruins a person's (marital or otherwise) life?There is a strong possibly of being stalked by the person to see respondent's face reaction.What if he/she takes it positively and next time send a bouquet of red flowers to home address?

I don't want to take this too far,even this post wasn't intend to take sides but input in general for public and particular to the person being asked.The OP herself wrote here about traits she wants to see in her future husband.

I am not married yet because I have not met a man that brings me closer to Allah when we communicate. Thats all I want in a marriage partner. But sad to say all I found are shallow, self absorbed men looking for a trophy wife!
Will a God-fearing brother send these types of messages?

This is the reason behind the statement:

Originally Posted by Signor
We should also remember a psychologically proven fact,Males and Females communicate and interpret things different manners so be wary of any unwanted attention arising from a mistake.
Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
I think, above all, we should look to our own behaviours and ask ourselves: is what I am doing acceptable as one who will stand in front of his/her Creator one day? Rather than pointing fingers at others and treating them in ways we feel are not acceptable.
I am ready to say I want to keep her away from falling into wrong hands and Allah knows the intention.

And No,it is the cheapest(as matter of fact sin) to point fingers at Muslim sisters.

Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
If we all try to understand one another, respect one another, and behave to the best of our ability… I think we are navigating Allah's Gift of diversity in the way He Intended.
This is what I tried to do in my human capacity,no matter how much knowledge I possess will remain less than Him.

Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
May Allah, the Designer, Help us to do what is most Pleasing to Him.
Aameen.

Please don't take offense,a healthy discussion helps us to learn new things.
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MuslimInshallah
06-05-2015, 09:03 PM
Assalaamu alaikum again Signor

(smile) Of course I am not offended. I hope I didn't (and won't) offend you, either.

I think it's responsible and kind of you to want to warn Lisa of the vagaries of men.

No, such a message would not be seen as right if the people were in a committed relationship. Of course, there are those who cheat on their spouses and partners (what we tend to call people in common-law relationships), but this is not well seen.

But for uncommitted people, such messages would not be see as wrong (though the example above sounds very girly; a man would express himself a little differently). (smile) And as for a bouquet of red roses… this would be a sign of a serious and caring man! Of course, if a man shows his interest like this, and the woman is not interested, she can let him know. If he is decent, he will refrain from going further. As long as she is ok with his courtship, it would not be stalking. Quite the contrary, the more he gives her gifts and marks of attention, the more he is signaling that he is serious and committed, especially if these attentions are public (and even if he doesn't give the items publicly, the woman will show them to others and talk about them).

Would a God-fearing man let a woman know he is interested in her? Yes. Would he give her gifts? Yes. The exact methods he does this vary from culture to culture… but these are universals, as far as I'm aware.

As for trophy wives... (sigh) I'm afraid Lisa is talking about Muslim men she's encountered. Probably online (though you may get hits from such men offline, too). And they are very probably not born-Canadians (who are much less likely to treat you like this). (sigh) If you are not of their particular ethnic group… chances are, they don't respect you. If you are white or exotic in some way, many of the Muslim men you meet online may want to get you as a trophy to boast about and show off to other men of their particular ethnic group… but they have no real interest in you. The children they have with you, they may or may not acknowledge. They coat their seductions in Islam (oh yes! With very simple "Islamic marriages")… but there is no real piety there. (sigh) And there are many such men online, even on sites like halfourdeen and Pure Matrimony… And they justify and get away with their rotten behaviour by playing on stereotypes and slandering the woman…"well, brother, you know what western women are like…!" (this is what I meant about pointing fingers, incidentally).

(mildly) This is not Islam. Muslim men are supposed to treat women- all women- with the utmost respect and dignity. But it would be dishonest to pretend that racism and corruption do not exist in the Muslim community. And it seems to me that if we want to protect our Muslim sisters -of all ages, and ethnic background- we have to warn them about this problem and openly condemn men who behave in this hypocritical way. If we say nothing… we are complicit in a great perversion of what a true Islamic marriage is supposed to be about.

I don't think most Muslim men behave like this. But I would say that most Muslim men a Canadian Muslim woman will meet online are financial scammers, men looking for immigration, or corrupt seducers. And it is why I would never want my daughters to look for a husband in this way. I do not want them to be hurt as so many others have been.

(smile) Anyway, those are a few Canadian courtship rituals for the budding anthropologists out there. And a clear warning for women who are looking online for a spouse.


May Allah, the Responsive, Help us find ways to settle Islam permanently, and honourably, in Canada.
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Lady A
06-06-2015, 01:58 AM
:sl:

Aww, that was really sweet for your co-worker to do! If it were me I would totally become Nancy Drew (don't judge me!) and figure out who the "secret admirer/appreciator" is so I can gift them back! (chocolates...bouquet...gift card)

Small things like these truly puts a smile on our faces. When I experience really good customer service I usually thank the associate and ask for an employer ID so I can put a good word in for them to their manager! It makes a big difference in a dull, day to day work environment! (Plus, its sunnah, so why not?!)
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Signor
06-06-2015, 09:15 AM
Waalikum Assalaam

What you said makes a lot more sense,However,I don't think the OP was talking about finding a suitable partner or attracting proposals in the context post was made.This is why most of the posts are centered around safeguarding her rather than serving any other purpose.

Of course,With suitors the conditions would be different after drawing certain lines.

And since you wrote:

Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
(smile) Of course I am not offended. I hope I didn't (and won't) offend you, either.
Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
is what I am doing acceptable as one who will stand in front of his/her Creator one day? Rather than pointing fingers at others and treating them in ways we feel are not acceptable.
^^This is not hurting but not right in a sense you are questioning my intentions,something I believe (as a Muslim) should be used(unless a person has already been exposed) as a last resort or the last fire to be shot.

And Allah knows best!
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Insaanah
06-06-2015, 09:40 AM
:salam:

Many of us are born and brought up in non-Muslim environments, and the norms of the society we're brought up in, are normal to us, and we wouldn't think of questioning them because they seem so normal, even though some of them may not be normal within the framework of Islam.

However,I don't think the OP was talking about finding a suitable partner or attracting proposals in the context post was made.This is why most of the posts are centered around safeguarding her rather than serving any other purpose.
Yes. However, now that marriage has been mentioned, within the context of what's been said:

It would not be appropriate for a Muslim male to give such a note to a Muslim female, leaving her possibly suspecting every male. That is unfair and wrong. It is precisely this kind of thing which Islam discourages. Rather, if one was interested, then one makes ones intentions clear, in a direct and polite manner, so that the other knows what the intent is. E.g. I am so and so, I am interested in marrying you, do you have anyone I can contact.

It would not be appropriate for a Muslim male to send a note, with words such as "you own my heart", a romantic phrase which in Islam is only allowed to be used between husband and wife. Whether the target of the note is already married/committed or not, does not have any bearing on this communication one is making to another, as to it being allowable in one situation but not the other.

It is not appropriate for a Muslim man to keep giving gifts to a non-mahram female, be they roses or chocolate and isn't a sign of being serious or caring, but creepy. As far as I know, such gifts may be given after marriage has been agreed upon.

Would a God-fearing man let a woman know he is interested in her? Yes.
In the manner mentioned above though, not secret anonymous romantic notes.

Would he give her gifts? Yes.
No. As I mentioned, you would make your intent clear, and ask how would be the best way to take this forward within the framework of Islam. Be that involving the imam from a mosque if there's no wali, in the correspondence/meetings between you. When our mother Khadijah radiyallaahu anha was interested in the prophet :saws: for marriage, bearing in mind he was her employee, she didn't give him roses and chocolates and secret notes. She sent a message via a third party, telling him she was interested to marry him. As far as I am aware, within the other marriages of the Prophet :saws:, there was no gift giving as the initial expression of interest in marriage, before such an expression had been made and agreed on verbally.

In this case it turned out not to be for the sister, but regardless, let us not think that such notes are correct or desirable in any form.

Putting a good word in to someone's manager for good service received is a completely different thing from secret and anonymous romantic notes, just to be clear, which are not from the sunnah.

And Allah knows best.
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MuslimInshallah
06-06-2015, 10:26 AM
Originally Posted by Signor


Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
is what I am doing acceptable as one who will stand in front of his/her Creator one day? Rather than pointing fingers at others and treating them in ways we feel are not acceptable.


^^This is not hurting but not right in a sense you are questioning my intentions,something I believe (as a Muslim) should be used(unless a person has already been exposed) as a last resort or the last fire to be shot.

And Allah knows best!
Assalaamu alaikum Signor,

(mildly) I was not referring to you at all when I said this. I was referring to people who make assumptions about a woman because Allah Caused her to be born a certain colour, in a certain place. And who therefore feel it's ok to behave in very unIslamic ways towards her. I apologize that I was not more clear about this. But it is not an easy topic.

I am trying to say that rather than men justifying to themselves (and the people around him accepting such behaviour) the disrespectful, humiliating and frankly cruel treatment of certain women (and their children) due to their belonging to a group they see as "other" than their own… that they should instead be looking to their own behaviour.

(mildly) It is not just Muslim men who do this; I've noticed that men in general tend to flout their social rules when women they see as "not one of us" are concerned. But, it seems to me, that a true Muslim should always be concerned with how he himself is behaving. Because if we look from this angle… then it would never be ok to lie, cheat, seduce, abandon wives and children… no matter who the women (or children) are.

(smile) I hope this clears up this point of confusion. I actually think your trying to intervene to help Lisa is motivated by the best of intentions, and I pray that Allah Bless you for it.
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Lady A
06-06-2015, 06:53 PM
Originally Posted by Lisa921
salaam alaykum
so you are all going to laugh...
I found out today that the letter was mistakenly put in my locker!
Well actually, it was intentional but it was not for me. because I was sharing a locker part time with a guy from work. that guy uses the locker sometimes when I am not using it. Ya our boss is too cheap to get everyone their own locker I guess. lol hahaha anyways, so the letter was actually for HIM! from a girl at work.
HAHAHA
I laughed when he told me that. I thought it was cute though.
:sl:

ooopsie...I feel sheepish. I just read this. Plz disregard my prior post.
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ardianto
06-06-2015, 11:51 PM
Assalamualaikum, sister Lisa.

It's better if you are not too easy to feel happy when you get praised, because it will make you easily to be cheated.

One fact that women should know. The right man will not say "You own my heart" or "I love you" to the woman who is not his partner. If a man can say "I love you" to a woman who is not his partner, then he can say "I love you" too to any woman.

The right man always treat the women kindly, but never praise a woman excessively.

:)
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