format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
Assalaamu Alaikum
I need your help please In Shaa Allah. I have been married for just over a year now and I can safely say that we have had huge fights every single month.
At the beginning of the marriage, I was awful. I had a bad temper. I would always argue with my husband and if someone else did something to me, I would end up venting out that anger on my husband. I wad really awful. We ended up gettimg divorced once and got back together again. Since then we have also seperated twice (we didn't get divorced but both of us moved out and lived separately for a few days while we tried to figure out what to do).
There is no excuse for being rude. You have been married for only a year and he has already given you one divorce? No excuse for that either, shows that you both have bad tempers.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
On the other hand, he is a good man. He prays, tries to keep good company etc. I feel like such men are also rare. I'm so confused. We don't have any children yet. He often tells me that I've broken him. That he has no motivation or anything anymore. I feel responsible but I'm trying.
In your situation, it's pretty much clear that it is you who should be blamed, but how can you say that he is a good man, if he is blaming you again and again for the things that went wrong? You're trying to make your relationship work yet he insists on reminding you that your shortcomings in past have broken him.
Ask him does he not need ALLAH's forgiveness and mercy all the time? Is he always right in his relationship with ALLAH? Remind him that similarly you need his(your husband's) forgiveness too, likewise ask him will he always remain right once Al-Tawwab accepts his repentance? And yes i expect you to be humble when you ask him these questions. You claim that you have forgiven him, stop using every opportunity to bring it up and you should tell him that too.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
But I think it's too late now. My husband tells me that he hasn't gotten over the way i behaved in the past. It crops up often.
You won't get anything in expressing your disappointment about what "could have been". Let go of your negativity, start a new chapter and certainly nobody expects you to be perfect either from this point.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
I find myself crying often and thinking that if i had more strength i would walk away.
The fact that you're asking advice makes an impression that you don't want to walk away, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, burn your script.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
The smallest things can trigger this.
He is to be blamed if he is getting annoyed over small things. You need to tell him that you expect him to atleast forget your past mistakes, if not fogive. You also need to understand that when you demand forgiveness, it is not like you wave a magic wand and all will be forgiven, forgivness comes easier with the passing of time, and forgivness in relationship can only happen when reconciliation is possible. You went for a walk the other day, i consider it a good start.
Keep in mind you don't want to be over emotional, and you shouldn't ask for his forgivness every single time, neither anyone expect you to put your head on his feet. You want to repair your relationship, you should put in a certain amount of effort.
As i aforementioned, reconciliation would only be possible if he wants to make this relationship work. How do you expect a good relationship when he is torturing you over the things that you did in the past, even though he knows that you're ashamed of them? Just have a relationship talk, this time keep your relatives aside and adapt(that is to changing your behaviour for good and not getting dissappointed if sometimes things don't work out).
format_quote Originally Posted by
Aishath
We don't have children yet.
You don't have children because you haven't tried to conceive, or just because you don't have children yet? Trying to conceive is a emotional process, and can be quickly followed by both successes and disappointments and yes their presence deeply affect husband wife relationship. Notwithstanding, you want a husband that loves you and your children rather a husband that is with you for the sake of his children.
I got married to a 16 year old beauty when i was 14. Nope, it's not a young age, don't simply presuppose the truth of the currently fashionable moral ideology (human, secularism and feminism) without understanding its defects. Women are more unhappy, more unhealthy, more abused and negelcted following the loss of historical values. Anyway, i realize there is more to marriage than just physical intimacy when i first saw her(she is 22 and third-year medical student now) holding my child against her chest!!
Yes, the mere presence of a child strengthens your marriage.