Assalaamu alaikum,
The reason I bring men into the equation, is that I understand the role of men to be one of protecting women. Not just their own families, but
all those who require help. I also feel the this question of marriage is vital to the survival of the Muslim community as a whole.
There are systemic reasons why Muslim women in my country are being pushed into seeking marriages with non-Muslims. I am
not saying it is a good idea (I think it's not), but I am saying that merely telling women: no, you can't marry a non-Muslim. Just deal with it… is not enough. Just as it is not enough to tell minorities being discriminated against, that it is their own problem if they can't find a good job, or they have trouble accessing services.
Sure, we have our individual efforts to put in… but we need to address the root causes. And this is generally not being done, in my opinion.
nbegam made the point that Muslim men should not choose non-Muslim spouses if Muslim women are not going to be able to find spouses because of this. I think this is reasonable. However, I generally don't hear much discussion around this point.
It is not only families with a non-Muslim husband who tend to raise children who do not identify themselves as Muslim (only 23% identify as Muslims). Muslim men who marry non-Muslim women in my society will
also probably raise children who will
not identify as Muslims (only 40% will call themselves Muslims) Source:
http://blogs.vancouversun.com/2012/0...marriage-bind/
Right now, there is a growing Muslim community in Canada, but this is largely through immigration. If you go to the masaajid (and I am involved with several), you will note that there are hardly any young second-generation people there. This is a very serious problem.
If you talk to the matchmaking services (run by ladies, incidentally. The only service set up by a man only operated long enough for him to pick out a spouse for himself), you can find out that there is a desperate attempt to try to find husbands for the young women in their
twenties… forget the older women. Even the younger women have trouble.
Are there no Muslim men? Yes, there are many. But too many aren't marrying Muslim women. Or if they are, then too often, not seriously. For women who have reverted to Islam, women who have grown up here, or women whose husbands have died or divorced them… it is
common to find abuses of these women. Why? Because they were used for immigration purposes, for money, or just plain lust. It is easy to get a quick Islamic marriage. Much harder to find a real husband.
And our children are suffering. Over 14% of Muslim families are headed by a single mother (representing about 10% of all Muslim children in Canada) Furthermore, Muslim single mothers find it harder than all minorities (except aboriginals) to find a good job, in spite of high education levels. And this impacts the children, too. Source:
http://ccmw.com/canadian-muslim-wome...-2001-to-2011/
Given the realities I've mentioned, I think it is very reasonable that men should be exhorted to involve themselves in looking for solutions to the marriage crisis Muslim women are experiencing. Firstly, because men are supposed to be the protectors and maintainers of women (not just family, I would argue.
All Muslim women who are vulnerable). Secondly, because men are an integral part of both the problem and the solution. And thirdly, because the likely survival of Islam in Canada is much greater if both the husband and wife are Muslim (99% of children of these unions at least
identify as Muslim). This is not just a problem for single Muslim women. This is a problem for the whole Muslim community.
When desperate Muslim women talk of marrying non-Muslim men (and 40% of Canadian-born Muslim women have been)… what I have heard from men for too long is: this is haram, don't do it. And this is the
end of the conversation.
(mildly) We need more than this.
May Allah, the Unique, Help us to work together and find equitable solutions.