Good Jokes :) Please don't make it serious. It's just to lighten up someone's day

[whosebob]

The owl

Why are owls more smarter than chickens?
Because no one has ever heard of Kentucky fried Owl

The cool Parrot.

Chuck had always wanted a parrot, but he made the mistake of buying one from a buddy with a challenging vocabulary. Once he got it home encouraged it to talk, Chuck soon realized that the parrot not only had a terrible attitude, but almost every word out of its beak was an expletive! Those that weren’t expletives were still incredibly rude.
Chuck thought some love and kindness would help. He talked regularly to the bird, hoping it would copy some of the words he used. He even played it soothing music in the hope of calming its temper. But the parrot kept flying around, pecking holes in things and cussing as loud as it could.
One day Chuck found it in the kitchen trying to push the window open with its beak. He tried to grab it before it could escape, the parrot flapped him with it wings, pecked at his hands, and called him several rude names.
In desperation Chuck help the parrot’s legs with one hand and reached out to open what he thought was the cupboard door with the other hand. But it was the refrigerator!
Chuck opened the door and stuffed the parrot inside, and closed the door again!
Ten minutes later, having cleaned up all the feathers, gathered himself together, and realized he had put the parrot in the fridge. Chuck opened the door. The parrot stood, looking very contrite, on the shelf.
“ I am sorry if I might have offended you in any way with my language and actions. I most humbly ask for your forgiveness, and I will make every attempt to correct my behaviour.” Chuck astounded at the birds change in attitude. He help out his arm, and the parrot jumped onto it.
“ Just one more thing.,” the parrot said, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

Try flapping your mouth.

Jake took his seat on the plane-then realized there was a parrot in the seat next to him!
Before he could get over his shock, the parrot shouted at the flight attendant, “ Hey you! Get me a Coke!”
The flight attendant brought the parrot a Coke. Jake tried to get her attention, but she hurried off.
A few minutes later the flight attendant passed by again. The parrot spit some coke into aisle and shouted, “ This is flat! Get me another one, you good-fer –nothing!” And bring me some crackers!”
Again Jake tried to ask for a drink, but the flight attendant was too flustered to notice him. She very quickly brought the parrot another coke- But forgot the crackers.
“ How did you ever get a job here?” the parrot yelled. “You useless! Get me my crackers and get them now!”
Jake decided that rudeness was obviously the way to get results, so before the flight attendant left he yelled at her, “Yeah, And bring me a coke, too. Right now!”
The flight attendant bustled away in tears. Then two of her male colleagues came back. They grabbed Jake and the parrot, took them to the back of the plane, opened the door, and threw them out.
As they huutled toward the ground, the parrot fluttered over to jake. “Wow, man!” it said. “For someone who can’t fly- you got a lotta nerve!”

The elephant.

Chuck decided to go on Safari to Africa. There he saw many amazing things from Baffolo to lions then he saw something really sad. An elephant was limping and seemed to be really struggling. Chuck noticed that the elephant had a splinter in his foot. He bravely walked up to the elephant. The Elephant seemed to sense that he was there to help and let him come closer. Chuck removed the splinter and noticed the elephant was walking much better now mashallah. Then the elephant looked deeply into Chucks eyes and Chuck felt a deep connection mashallah. Years later Chuck went to the circus. There were many elephant in the show but this one elephant looked straight at him and Chuck almost felt a familiar feeling like he had seen a long lost friend. After the show chuck had to know if this really was the elephant that he connected to so many years ago. So he snucked past the barriers and the gates right into the section were the elephants being kept. All the elephants ignored him except this one elephant that walked majestically towards him, Chuck and the Elephant looked deeply into each other eyes then the Elephant slowly wrapped his trunk around Chuck and through him over circus tent! It was’nt the same elephant.



The horserider.

A man saw an advertisement about this farmer selling his horse. So he popped by the farmers house. The farmer thought it good manners to warn the man about the horse though. He said, "This be a House of the Lord, so he has been taught to go forward with Praise be the Lord and when you want him to stop say Amen" It was simple enough so the man decides to take the horse for a test run. So he gets on the horse and sais Praise be the lord and the horse starts moving forward. During the test run a car passes very close the horse scaring him. The horse is out of control and the man is trying his best to stop him...as they approach a cliff. Then he remembers what the farmer told him and he sais, Amen! Amen! Amen! The stop stops dead in his tracks, a hair widths away from the edge. The the man relieved then he sais, “Praise be the Lord…”

The cat

No matter how many times you try, you can’t baptize a cat


Sorry about the spelling :)

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum,

I think you are new so maybe you don't know, but there is an official jokes thread.

Please visit :- http://www.islamicboard.com/puzzles-...es-thread.html

Before you start a new thread it's always best to search the forum to see if anyone else has created the same or similar discussion.

You can find the search box on the top of the page on your right.

Hope that helps!

[whosebob]

This kid drinks milk, then sais, "Yag! it taste like cow" :)

[whosebob]

What did the cupcake say to the other cupcake?

"Hi, I'm a talking cupcake"

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[whosebob]

The atheist and the bear

One day this atheist decides to go hiking in the woods. Along his hike he comes across a huge hungry bear. In panick he starts running away from the bear as it slowly catch's up to him. He realizes that he is approaching a cliff. In fear he turns to God and asks God to grant him religion before he is killed by the Bear. God then tells him, “I can’t give you this request but anything else you wish for will be granted” As he is running he comes to the end of the cliff and asks God to grant the Bear religion. The bear stop in his tracks. The man relieved feels like he has escaped. The Bear then looks up the sky and sais, Bismillaha rahman neer raheem and eats the atheist :) Alhamdullilah :)

[aaj]

Asalamualykum,

I think you are new so maybe you don't know, but there is an official jokes thread.

Please visit :- http://www.islamicboard.com/puzzles-...es-thread.html

Before you start a new thread it's always best to search the forum to see if anyone else has created the same or similar discussion.

You can find the search box on the top of the page on your right.

Hope that helps!

:wasalam:

are you sure? it seems to be a dead end...

[فصيح الياسين]

The atheist and the bear

One day this atheist decides to go hiking in the woods. Along his hike he comes across a huge hungry bear. In panick he starts running away from the bear as it slowly catch's up to him. He realizes that he is approaching a cliff. In fear he turns to Allah and asks Allah to grant him religion before he is killed by the Bear. Allah then tells him, “I can’t give you this request but anything else you wish for will be granted” As he is running he comes to the end of the cliff and asks Allah to grant the Bear religion. The bear stop in his tracks. The man relieved feels like he has escaped. The Bear then looks up the sky and sais, Bismillaha rahman neer raheem and eats the atheist :) Alhamdullilah :)

Aa do not put allah name like this... the tense which attributed to him arent good.. change this to other

[فصيح الياسين]

The owl

Why are owls more smarter than chickens?
Because no one has ever heard of Kentucky fried Owl

The cool Parrot.

Chuck had always wanted a parrot, but he made the mistake of buying one from a buddy with a challenging vocabulary. Once he got it home encouraged it to talk, Chuck soon realized that the parrot not only had a terrible attitude, but almost every word out of its beak was an expletive! Those that weren’t expletives were still incredibly rude.
Chuck thought some love and kindness would help. He talked regularly to the bird, hoping it would copy some of the words he used. He even played it soothing music in the hope of calming its temper. But the parrot kept flying around, pecking holes in things and cussing as loud as it could.
One day Chuck found it in the kitchen trying to push the window open with its beak. He tried to grab it before it could escape, the parrot flapped him with it wings, pecked at his hands, and called him several rude names.
In desperation Chuck help the parrot’s legs with one hand and reached out to open what he thought was the cupboard door with the other hand. But it was the refrigerator!
Chuck opened the door and stuffed the parrot inside, and closed the door again!
Ten minutes later, having cleaned up all the feathers, gathered himself together, and realized he had put the parrot in the fridge. Chuck opened the door. The parrot stood, looking very contrite, on the shelf.
“ I am sorry if I might have offended you in any way with my language and actions. I most humbly ask for your forgiveness, and I will make every attempt to correct my behaviour.” Chuck astounded at the birds change in attitude. He help out his arm, and the parrot jumped onto it.
“ Just one more thing.,” the parrot said, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

Try flapping your mouth.

Jake took his seat on the plane-then realized there was a parrot in the seat next to him!
Before he could get over his shock, the parrot shouted at the flight attendant, “ Hey you! Get me a Coke!”
The flight attendant brought the parrot a Coke. Jake tried to get her attention, but she hurried off.
A few minutes later the flight attendant passed by again. The parrot spit some coke into aisle and shouted, “ This is flat! Get me another one, you good-fer –nothing!” And bring me some crackers!”
Again Jake tried to ask for a drink, but the flight attendant was too flustered to notice him. She very quickly brought the parrot another coke- But forgot the crackers.
“ How did you ever get a job here?” the parrot yelled. “You useless! Get me my crackers and get them now!”
Jake decided that rudeness was obviously the way to get results, so before the flight attendant left he yelled at her, “Yeah, And bring me a coke, too. Right now!”
The flight attendant bustled away in tears. Then two of her male colleagues came back. They grabbed Jake and the parrot, took them to the back of the plane, opened the door, and threw them out.
As they huutled toward the ground, the parrot fluttered over to jake. “Wow, man!” it said. “For someone who can’t fly- you got a lotta nerve!”

The elephant.

Chuck decided to go on Safari to Africa. There he saw many amazing things from Baffolo to lions then he saw something really sad. An elephant was limping and seemed to be really struggling. Chuck noticed that the elephant had a splinter in his foot. He bravely walked up to the elephant. The Elephant seemed to sense that he was there to help and let him come closer. Chuck removed the splinter and noticed the elephant was walking much better now mashallah. Then the elephant looked deeply into Chucks eyes and Chuck felt a deep connection mashallah. Years later Chuck went to the circus. There were many elephant in the show but this one elephant looked straight at him and Chuck almost felt a familiar feeling like he had seen a long lost friend. After the show chuck had to know if this really was the elephant that he connected to so many years ago. So he snucked past the barriers and the gates right into the section were the elephants being kept. All the elephants ignored him except this one elephant that walked majestically towards him, Chuck and the Elephant looked deeply into each other eyes then the Elephant slowly wrapped his trunk around Chuck and through him over circus tent! It was’nt the same elephant.



The horserider.

A man saw an advertisement about this farmer selling his horse. So he popped by the farmers house. The farmer thought it good manners to warn the man about the horse though. He said, "This be a House of the Lord, so he has been taught to go forward with Praise be the Lord and when you want him to stop say Amen" It was simple enough so the man decides to take the horse for a test run. So he gets on the horse and sais Praise be the lord and the horse starts moving forward. During the test run a car passes very close the horse scaring him. The horse is out of control and the man is trying his best to stop him...as they approach a cliff. Then he remembers what the farmer told him and he sais, Amen! Amen! Amen! The stop stops dead in his tracks, a hair widths away from the edge. The the man relieved then he sais, “Praise be the Lord…”

The cat

No matter how many times you try, you can’t baptize a cat


Sorry about the spelling :)

These were really nice stories

[Shirley]

Elephant slowly wrapped his trunk around Chuck and through him over circus tent! It was’nt the same elephant.

What a funny thing awesome joke:giggling:

[whosebob]

One day a barber decides to give charity by giving free haircuts to his customers mashallah. So this florist enters his shop and gets a haircut by this barber. After the haircut the Florist ask, “ Where’s the bill?” The barber smiled and said, “Don’t worry it free” The next day the barber enters his shop and finds that the florist left him a beautiful arrangement of flowers with a card. It read, “Thank you for the free haircut, Godbless” Anyway, a cop enters the shop and gets a haircut by the same barber. After the haircut the cop asks, “What the bill?” The barber sais, “Don’t worry it’s free” The next day the barber enters his shop to find a box of donuts with card, it read,”Thank for the free haircut, God bless” Anyway, the next customer the barber sees to is a politician, The barber cut his hair. Afterwards the Politician ask, “Where’s the bill?” The Barber the said, “Don’t worry it free” Anyway the next day the barber comes to his shop only to find 12 politicians lined up for there free haircut :)

[whosebob]

[cinnamonrolls1]

oh god

[magok]

protons have mass ?

i ddint know they were catholic

[eesa the kiwi]

What's brown and sticky?








A stick