Waswas or conscience. Please help me

[Firdaous1]

Salam alaikum w.r.w.b
Dear brothers and sisters i need really ypur advicr and help cause i cannot continue like this anymore. My problem is waswas or mayb sth else like my conscience about my marriage. I must tell it all from beginning.
I married sm time back. Husband is a good person i cant day sth really neagtive abt him.the problem is not him.
Many years back before i married him i did once an sitikhara about him dont knw why but i actually really wanted to marry him. But then i did do istikhara and was always worried about signs which i used to see and i was st the end making dua that please Allah if thers no khair then make khair in it and let it work out. Anyway i matried him now and istikhara issue was not in my mind anymore i forgot it. Then it started with doubts about validitiy of my marriage i doubted tht my father is a valid wali etc as i was readin much on internet anyway i asked many imam and alims they said it is valid even without. Anyway thts nt the topic anymore.
At the end i found istikhara issue comin back in my mind.i was feeling like i have gone against it as i just wanted to marry him. I feel so hypocrital but the fact tht i love him and cant imagine leaving him makes me so much more feeling bad. I feel always as i hv gone against Allah and prefering sth over him or loving smone more than Allah astaghfirullah. I asked an alim abt my Problem b he said tht istikhara has no signs and Allah doesnt give signs the fact tht i married is what is khair. But im just unsincere from beginning if i want to do my thing so badly. here is my problem i always say my niyah is bad and Allah will count it. Bcuz wen i tell Allah pls wht shd i do tht u forgive me i always see signs like jus readin sth and findin a sentence like talkin to me as Allah want to tell me what to do or once while walkin i was sayin ya Allah wht shd i do tht u forgive me and saying it again n again and my husband called me in tht moment. i wanna get phone frm bag and it got torn and fell.ok bag was heavy tht day. But as they say we dont receive such signs as we r not prophets but i used to see my reaction towards tht signs i used to get panic and not able to accept it. Means like my intention is already knowing it wont follow it and i will just follow what i wish that is to stay with my husband.
Once i kept thinking till i was feeling that i was loving smone more than Allah astaghfirullah and doing shirk wen i thought this i still couldnt imagine leaving him and i feel as Allah will count that. Of course Allah is most Important and i love him the most without doubt but then why i cant just leave my husband for Allah. The scholar told me tht its waswas and i shd just ignore that and do my duties towards my husband and that is what Allah likes etc but i just feel as all these rules are not applicable on me as im doing a much bigger sin that preferin smone over Allah astaghfirullah which has to b corrected. I feel Allah will only forgive me once i leave him and leave what i made more important. They told me that i cant put human love in equal with Allahs love and i know this bit why i feel that sin on my shoulder.
I always get tht voice in my head, U jus want to stay with him cuz u caNt leave him .u love him more astaghfirulah otherwise u wud hv been able to do tht step the moment wen u blved all n don see any way out. U still continued nt bcuz your sure that u think wrong but jus bcuz u want him. Why wud Allah forgive u makin sth more important than him. Thatsy im scared Allah will count that intention that i just cant leave him.
I know that Allah is most merciful and forgives all sins but when i want to ask forgivness i just dont know i feel so bad and wrong and hypocritical as in i would say Allah pls forgive me that i i want to stay with my husband even if it means to go against you and prefering him in other words ...
Im desperate restless its so hard to explain please help me..its hardest time as i feel all duas are not sincere cause in the back of my head i just want to find a way to stay with my husband.

[رحمه]

I do not understand what do you mean

Does your husband Muslim man or not?

If your husband personal good Muslim, why are you Obsession

my sister you after every prayer imposed ( five prayers) read these verses (3) times

to that end this Obsession from you


Surat Al-Nās


بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



(قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ*مَلِكِ النَّاسِ*إِلَهِ النَّاسِ*مِنْ شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ*الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ*مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ)،


With the repetition of this


(مِنْ شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ*الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ)


الصلاه على الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم كثيرا

Prayers for the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him a lot

I apologize If the answer is not clear
I'm not good in English language
But I'm trying to painstakingly

[ardianto]

Wa'alaikumsalam

I love my late wife. Even I still love her although she has passed away two years ago. Does it mean I love her more than Allah?. No!. My love to her is different than my love to Allah. Love to someone and love to Allah are in two different lines.

Yes, sister, your love to your husband is in different line than your love to Allah. So, do not thinking that if you love your husband then you will not love Allah. Even you should be grateful because you have a husband who love you and treat you well. So, it's better if you focus to become good wife, and do not let thought like that annoy your mind.

:)

[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

Br. Ardianto kept it simple. Even Nabi Adam felt lonely in heaven and he had Allah. Hence the gift of women to man.

You know it's waswas. Treat it that way. Don't give it fuel, give it no further thought.

In syaa Allah.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Firdaous1]

i do agree with you that divorce is the worst things in permissible things. BUT the problem is that my intention is bad and has the intention to prefer sth over Allah which seems so much worse than talaq thatsy this rule or islamic order u gave would not b anymore applicable or couting on me n i got this feeling that Allah will ask me one day why i hv not followed my conscience instead just follwing my desires n wishes even though feeling that im doing sth wrong. I do agree it must be waswas because it started small and grew bigger n bigger till i found myself thinking even im doing shirk astaghfirulah And when i was under that thinking i Still was nt able to take the step to say i can leave him thtsy i keep fearing that Allah will hold me Accountable for this. Its the feeling of being so attached to him not being able to imagine even to leave him.this is sth which makes me feel even more bad. And how i used to react to those signs telling me to leave him and not being able to follow them which makes me feel so bad n proofs it. Its like i want to prove Allah sth with me leaving my husband that i love him (Allah) most. Because just asking forgiveness makes me feel unsincere cause i got what i want and kept it. Just as someone drinks alcohol and asks Allah to forgive him but to let him continue still. Its nt a perfect example but just to give an idea.
With me it happens only inside and with intentions. Because i cannot give a real proof that Allah wants me to leave him but just my conscience which feels guilty due to intentions and inner self..

But it is like i wanted to go against Allahs wishes when did the istikhara. Yes marriage took place alright but the fact i could go against Allahs isnt it a disresepect towards Allah? Sometimes i really want to stop thinkin all that and make myself believe it is shaytans whisper but then its like these things tht i think do have some proof. Otherwise when i used to really think im doing sth grave and i must choose between Allah and husband why i couldnt just take that step why i couldnt accept it and get so crazy that i dont want to leave him this is wat makes me feel so bad. Its these signs which came and which i didnt want to accept. in that moment it was like a test. Ok now ppl told me forget it Allah doesnt give signs and talk to us.like once when i was in this state i was walking home sayin ya Allah wht shd i do tht u forgive me .sayin it again n again and suddenly husband called and i wanna take phone frm bag and bag holder got torn (ok it was pretty full that day) it seemed at tht moment that Allah tells me to leave him. Or wen i ask Allah to help me smtimes seeing sm semtemce while readin sth or jus on facebook n seeing a sentence tellin me sth. just the reaction that i got which makes me feel so bad and that i dont wanna follow it anyway cuz i cant accept it i only want a sign tht i can stay with him. Divorce is bad yes when the husband is good and doesnt do anything wrong to you but when it is a need to make Allah forgive you a greater sin then? I know it sounds surely very strange to you all what im talking but i just feel so unsincere and betraying if i keep this thing i made so important. I ask myself why u dont leave him if its really what makes you feel wrong but hesitate. It means u make him more important ..its like i have made some condition or equation. Staying with my husband means going against Allah or making him more important otherwise it would nt be so hard on me.

[رحمه]

Only one question

I want to answer truthfully

Does your husband Muslim man or not Muslim?

[fhmn63]

Just stop thinking so much.
Do your obligatory responsibilities towards Islan and seek help from Allah.
zazakallah khairan

[Firdaous1]

Yes he is muslim of course. There is no problem with him as Person it has to do with my own conscience

[رحمه]

Yes he is muslim of course. There is no problem with him as Person it has to do with my own conscience

Alhmdallah

He is a Muslim
if not a problem and does not concern toward you

قال الله تعالى فى سورة ال عمران

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ (31)


(31) Say: "If ye do love Allah, Follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.


_____________

In obedience to Allah in prayer five proof your love God,


Love husband and obedience to your husband proof your love God


leave sins proof your love God


I wish you happy Life in obedience to Allah and His love

Amyn

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Sister, you are over-thinking to a really bad extent. First off: There is nothing wrong with your marriage. It's good, ma sha Allah and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. In fact, any thoughts to the contrary are most likely from shaytan who is trying his best to separate you from your husband. Take refuge in Allah from the shaytan.

Bottom line is that you should be thankful for your marriage and stop feeling that you need to leave your husband in order to prove your love for Allah.

[Firdaous1]

Alhmdallah

He is a Muslim
if not a problem and does not concern toward you

قال الله تعالى فى سورة ال عمران

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ (31)


(31) Say: "If ye do love Allah, Follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.


_____________

In obedience to Allah in prayer five proof your love God,


Love husband and obedience to your husband proof your love God


leave sins proof your love God


I wish you happy Life in obedience to Allah and His love

Amyn

Salam rahma..are you a woman?
Do you have any messenger or whtsapp i would like having smone to talk to a bit. .u can send me a private message if u like cause i cNt send private messages yet..salam

[Firdaous1]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Sister, you are over-thinking to a really bad extent. First off: There is nothing wrong with your marriage. It's good, ma sha Allah and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. In fact, any thoughts to the contrary are most likely from shaytan who is trying his best to separate you from your husband. Take refuge in Allah from the shaytan.

Bottom line is that you should be thankful for your marriage and stop feeling that you need to leave your husband in order to prove your love for Allah.

Salam alpha dude. Thanks for your answer.
Its really hard to explain thatswhy many dont understand well what i mean..
You know its like i have made a condition in my mind as long i wish to stay with my husband i am going against Allah and im prefering someone over him astaghfirullah. Many will think why i think this who told me that.but its due to my inner self and niyah why i think so. Cause i dont want to leave my husband and wish so much to stay with him, it means i wont b forgiven. Its like i wont leave him anyway and i ask you and others just to hear that i can stay with him etc. To follow my desires..Allah wants us to b pure and sincere. It proofs it that when i get a sign i asked for what to do and a sign comes to make me feel i must leave him, and then i dont want and panic and cant imagine and accept it, i try to think no its nt possible etc but thats exactly y i feel unsincere and bad niyah which Allah will count. Cause even now all i want is to stay with him. I dont know how to stop feel this sin on me and guil feeling. I do love Allah most but i feel in back of mind just wishing to stay with husband and finding ways.like thts my only concern n thtsy Allah will count this sin of prefering someone bcause i think tht n feel tht but why not doing tht step then. like i must leave xactly what im afraid of loosing bcuz of fear and sincerity towards Allah.
You might say forget these signs they rnt true or from Allah..ok mayb thts right but wont Allah count what we intend and think. Cause its like i jus wanted to c gud signs not thinkin wht will happen if i see sth telling me leave him. cuz wen tht happend u c how i reacted. Why would Allah forgive me jus like that if i still wanna b with my husband. I dont know how to become sincere and correct. And Wen i did istikhara long time before i was also i think nt sincere.u do it but in back of ur mind u will do anything to marry him.i used to think ok if it wont work out bcuz it will b not possible then its frm Allah i will have to accept i cant do anything and i will accept the fate.like if man suddenly dont want to marry me anymore or sth. But problem is i thought also if i get sm negativ signs or so i wont stop i will continue i ll pray to Allah to let it work still.. isnt it unsincere to have tht intention? Thtsy smtimes i think to get sincere and get Allahs forgiveness of going against Allahs signs or i must leave that first of all what i made more important. You will say now but u married and thts it now thts what Allah wanted. But wht about my intention i had and still have? Isnt it tht wht counts? Cause its like at the end i got what i want even though my niyah is bad..tht seems smhow wrong i dont know like a betrayal like saying oh now marriage took place i hv an excuse for my unsincerity cuz its bad to divorce..and another waswas or issue which comes to my mind is tht maybe my marriage isnt at all correct and valid. i read its haram and hypocrisy to follow easy opinions of islam or so.. i read it on islamqa .even though i asked many about it and scholars who all said my marriage is totally valid..but i know that ther is someone out there or some scholar who would surely say the contrary with what he follows as i read some fatwas. it means i follow what is easy and i hv a bad intention ? And im a hypocrit and thtsy its not a accepted marriage? And on top i only want to blv its valid bcuz of these other wasawis i got..cuz the hope here is tht Allah wanted this marriage which wud b then refuted...
Sry for long post

[Alpha Dude]

i have made a condition in my mind as long i wish to stay with my husband i am going against Allah

Islam is based on the laws found in Quran and Sunnah not on what you imagine in your mind.

Why would Allah forgive me jus like that if i still wanna b with my husband

Allah is merciful and forgiving. You should have full hope in Allah and full belief that Allah will forgive you for all your sins. Fear Allah but also have hope in his mercy. If you really feel you have done something wrong that needs forgiving, you should ask Allah for forgiveness for that sin and move on. No need to leave your husband or look for signs in things.

But problem is i thought also if i get sm negativ signs or so i wont stop i will continue i ll pray to Allah to let it work still.. isnt it unsincere to have tht intention?

Nothing wrong with that. It's normal to want something and Istikarah is just a dua you make to Allah for guidance. There is nothing insincere and you should stop worrying over absolutely nothing.

You are planning to ruin your own life if you leave him and it's for a really foolish reason sister. Please, forget all this and carry on with your life as normal. All the scholars you have spoken to have said your marriage is valid so stop worrying and say Alhamdulilah for what you have.

[رحمه]

Salam rahma..are you a woman?
Do you have any messenger or whtsapp i would like having smone to talk to a bit. .u can send me a private message if u like cause i cNt send private messages yet..salam

Salam rahma..are you a woman?
Do you have any messenger or whtsapp i would like having smone to talk to a bit. .u can send me a private message if u like cause i cNt send private messages yet..salam

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

W'lykm Al-slam Wrhmtu allh Wbrkat'h

certainly woman

I have the means to continue, but I can't
I apologize truly, I am not talking English language
But I use the program translated

If you want to ask a question

There is here in the forum

, they have many of the people there are numerous answers

know religion very good better than me

if taken one answer

One answer is not enough

My sister prefer, ask no shame in religion

My sister remember what God said
قال الله تعالى
(قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا)
(من الآية 53 سورة الزمر)

Surah Az-Zumar.Verse 53
Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful

Also remember what God said

قال الله تعالى


(إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يَغْفِرُ أَنْ يُشْرَكَ بِهِ وَيَغْفِرُ مَا دُونَ ذَٰلِكَ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ ۚ وَمَنْ يُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ فَقَدِ افْتَرَىٰ إِثْمًا عَظِيمًا)

(من الآية 48 سورة النساء)

Surah An-Nisa: Verse 48

Allah forgiveth not that partners should be set up with Him; but He forgiveth anything else, to whom He pleaseth; to set up partners with Allah is to devise a sin Most heinous indeed


My sister Whatever the reasons for God's forgiveness and never worry aboutEach

sin forgiven as long as you do not like to do a sin

The names of Allah

is Forgiving, Merciful.

again don't worry

I ask God the Great that away from you the devil and Waswas

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Firdaous,

Mmm… if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you are afraid that you love your husband more than Allah. And so therefore, you feel that the solution to this is that you leave your husband.

It is certainly possible that we may be too emotionally dependent on another person, and that we may, in truth, want to please them more than we want to Please Allah. And this is something would need to be corrected. But would leaving your husband correct this? Or might you just end up latching onto another person to be too emotionally dependent on?

If your husband is truly a decent man, perhaps what Allah has Gifted you with is a good opportunity to learn balance in your life? To learn how to love and connect with another person in a deep way… without losing yourself and your connection to Allah?

It is also possible that we can be afraid of truly connecting with another person, and so we find ways to sabotage our relationships to avoid that connection. Could it be that you are choosing Allah as an excuse to avoid opening your inner, vulnerable Self to your husband?

If you run away from your marriage, it seems to me that you are avoiding the opportunity for inner growth that Allah Provides us with through marriage.

There are times when we should walk away from relationships. If we or our dependent children are being harmed… then it is our duty to avoid harm. But otherwise, our relationships with other people (and marriage is potentially the closest of relationships) is one of the greatest ways that we learn to understand ourselves, and to practice the qualities that help us to grow closer to Allah (love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, self-sufficiency (through relying on God, not others), wisdom, etc…) Right now, I wonder if you are afraid to accept this Gift, and so you are trying to convince yourself and others that it is Allah's Will that is driving you?

(gently) Allah has Gifted you with this marriage. And there is a reason for this. Something is driving your fear, but I do not believe that it is Allah. I think perhaps it is a flaw within yourself, that the shayateen are exploiting to drive you away from the Gift that Allah Gave you.

I would suggest that you look for help from a therapist or a wise older person. Make no hasty decisions. And ask Allah to Help you to have the strength to investigate what is really bothering you, and the strength to change yourself in healthy ways.

(gently) I will pray for you, inshAllah.


May Allah, the Source of Peace and Safety, Enfold you in His Care.

[Firdaous1]

Assalaamu alaikum Firdaous,

Mmm… if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you are afraid that you love your husband more than Allah. And so therefore, you feel that the solution to this is that you leave your husband.

It is certainly possible that we may be too emotionally dependent on another person, and that we may, in truth, want to please them more than we want to Please Allah. And this is something would need to be corrected. But would leaving your husband correct this? Or might you just end up latching onto another person to be too emotionally dependent on?

If your husband is truly a decent man, perhaps what Allah has Gifted you with is a good opportunity to learn balance in your life? To learn how to love and connect with another person in a deep way… without losing yourself and your connection to Allah?

It is also possible that we can be afraid of truly connecting with another person, and so we find ways to sabotage our relationships to avoid that connection. Could it be that you are choosing Allah as an excuse to avoid opening your inner, vulnerable Self to your husband?

If you run away from your marriage, it seems to me that you are avoiding the opportunity for inner growth that Allah Provides us with through marriage.

There are times when we should walk away from relationships. If we or our dependent children are being harmed… then it is our duty to avoid harm. But otherwise, our relationships with other people (and marriage is potentially the closest of relationships) is one of the greatest ways that we learn to understand ourselves, and to practice the qualities that help us to grow closer to Allah (love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, self-sufficiency (through relying on God, not others), wisdom, etc…) Right now, I wonder if you are afraid to accept this Gift, and so you are trying to convince yourself and others that it is Allah's Will that is driving you?

(gently) Allah has Gifted you with this marriage. And there is a reason for this. Something is driving your fear, but I do not believe that it is Allah. I think perhaps it is a flaw within yourself, that the shayateen are exploiting to drive you away from the Gift that Allah Gave you.

I would suggest that you look for help from a therapist or a wise older person. Make no hasty decisions. And ask Allah to Help you to have the strength to investigate what is really bothering you, and the strength to change yourself in healthy ways.

(gently) I will pray for you, inshAllah.


May Allah, the Source of Peace and Safety, Enfold you in His Care.

Salam alaikum musliminsha'Allah
Thanks for your reply..i dont know if ur right...perhaps..its also difficult to find a wise islamic Therapist in a country like ours.im from germany. But somehow i felt you spoke some wise words. I dont know whether you are a man or woman but i would really appreciate talking a bit more to you as you could maybe understand me and i could ask you in a better way. Sadly i cant write private messages. So please if there is a possibility i could speak to you as i really need someone to listen and advice me with knowledge. I think you can write me a pm with an adress where i could chat to u. Its really just for this issue of mine thats it. your reward will be with Allah in sha Allah. Jazak Allah

Salam

[OmAbdullah]

Assalaamo alaikum

I have a few questions:

Do you make salaath 5 times aday?

Does your husband make salaath 5 times aday?

If yes for the 2 questions then my question is, Do you recite the holy Quraan daily or frequently and do you try to understand it and follow it?

If your husband is a practicing Muslim, he doesn't drink wine and doesn't do any kabeerah (big sin) then you have no right to leave him. Even if a husband is involved in big sins, the first duty of the wife is to preach to him and try to bring him on the right path of Islam.

You are very wrong in following signs. You are surely listening to Shaitan. This Satan may be a common one or it may be from some black magic. Yes! You should know that some one's black magic may be trying to break your marriage. You should listen to surah Baqarah audio every day and leave all wrong thinging. Don't give Shaitan any chance to speak to you. You also must read surah Al-Ikhlaas, Al-Falaq and Al-Naas 7 times in the morning and 7 times after maghrib prayer every day to defeat Satan and expel him from your heart/mind and from your house.

Once you make istikharah prayer for some thing, that means you have entrusted your things to Allah. Then if it is done that means Allah did it for you. So Allah ordained this marriage for you and you did not do it against Allah's Will. You must believe that you have no power while Allah has all power to do any thing. So after your istikharah prayer, you had no power over your marriage.

Now your love with your husband is your need and it is his right. You must give him his right. Remember that if a woman sleeps in a separate room from her husband, she is cursed by angels the whole night. Also, you if reject your lawful husband, then where are you going to get love which is a normal necessity in young age?

Please reject signs. This is not normal to connect such things as the falling of a bag from your hand with the things that you have to do. Will you follow these signs or will u follow the Command of Allah??? Allah's Command is that when your husband calls you then go to him and obey him until he does not ask you to do something against Allah' Command. Also according to the Prophet Muhammad salla Allaho alaihi wasallam, as a good Muslim wife you should please your husband when he looks at you.

So I understand that your thinking is very wrong. You must know your enemy and try to defeat him/her (what so ever). You must pray 5 times every day regularly, read the Holy Quraan and the above mentioned surahs every day to defeat and expel Satan.

[Firdaous1]

thanks once again for many replies..

you know once my mind was thinking more n more and telling me u must leave him right now with firm intention and dont talk to him anymore (because that is my fear and weakness) if not then ur doing shirk, yes becuz u love him more astaghfirullah otherwise leave him right now. if you cant leave him then its wht u chose and this grave sin will be counted on u. saying its waswas nonsense etc are excuses which dont count in your case as you are indeed nt able to leave him cuz u Want to stay with him so badly u cant leave him cuz it kills u inside thts wht i believed. i was suffering i was going mad really.
and i just couldnt do it. im still with him as u see..wud Allah count that sin now?

i just dont know how to get out of this loop. it has become impossible.

About the istikhara issue:
you know when you do it fr sm task, then you hear always u must be sincere not inclined etc..
when you go against wht Allah tells you then if you dont do it you do a sin. to remove that sin you must also remove that task. if marriying for eg was the sin u did then you must leave that in order to get Forgiveness. because that was done against Allahs wish. as wen you do sins feel sorry and bad abt it but not wanting to leave it..
you will ask but why i say Allah told me nt to do it when at the end it worked out etc..as u said thats Wht Allah guided you too...but Allah counts the inner intentions. and intentions and feeling is that i really dont want to leave him i just cant imagine it. but of course i dont want to do a sin or choose someone over Allah..but it seems so wrong to keep wht i wanted and ask forgiveness. it is so Unsincere and hypocrital. like you know u wont leave him n cant do it but askin him to forgive you or sth..but if Allah wud talk to us and tell me do this now i cudnt disobey no one cud of course..and i got into moment of desperatness where i just wanted to find peace and no fear anymore and knw im nt doing a grave sin. so i pray to Allah to help me frm heart cuz one isjust restless. and then later when i get such signs of course one thinks its frm Allah tht moment. like by coincidence i hear sm surah on tv or i read sth online or a hadeeth comes across me..as its frm Allah wanting to help me. like once i read this hadeeth:
And on the authority of Wabisah bin Ma'bad (may Allah be pleased with him) who said,
"I came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and he (peace be upon him) said, 'You have come to ask about righteousness.' I said, 'Yes.' He (peace be upon him) said, 'Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels at ease and the heart feels tranquil. And wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and causes uneasiness in the breast, even though people have repeatedly given their legal opinion [in its favour].'"

A good hadeeth transmitted from the musnads of the two imams, Ahmed bin Hambal and Al-Darimi, with a good chain of authorities.
When i see such things of of course i panic for sm time becuz i see myself that i actually dont want to leave my husband and wud do anything to stay with him but how can i ignore Allah. even though i hear tht Allah doesn give signs or talk to us i feel that it doesnt make me feel much better, because my intention is bad. i already made up my mind i don wanna follow it and thtswhy i feel so guilty and sin on me. why would Allah forgive me then..

to say i must obey my husband and love him etc etc which are all correct things of course i know..but how can i follow them while i have to first remove a graver sin? how can i follow these rules when the marriage was itself a sin. If what i feel is im doing a sin then wont Allah count what we think and what smhow makes sense to our mind? wont he hold us accountable according to tht and every person according to what his conscience tells him?

i really dont knw wht to do anymore..

[Alpha Dude]

You have it seriously wrong sister. You marrying your husband and loving him are not sins. Full stop. There is absolutely nothing blameworthy about it.

Nor is there anything blameworthy about doing istikarah whilst hoping for it to go a particular direction. So you are worrying over nothing, seriously.

You've been to scholars and asked them and they all said it's okay. You've posted a thread in this forum and everybody here has said it is okay and that you've done nothing wrong.

What more confirmation do you need? Don't make life hard on yourself needlessly.

[Alpha Dude]

And, if you truly love your husband more than you love Allah then you STILL don't need to leave your husband - in that case, you would need to work on making your love for Allah greater than you feel for your husband.

[OmAbdullah]

thanks once again for many replies..

you know once my mind was thinking more n more and telling me u must leave him right now with firm intention and dont talk to him anymore (because that is my fear and weakness) if not then ur doing shirk, yes becuz u love him more astaghfirullah otherwise leave him right now. if you cant leave him then its wht u chose and this grave sin will be counted on u. saying its waswas nonsense etc are excuses which dont count in your case as you are indeed nt able to leave him cuz u Want to stay with him so badly u cant leave him cuz it kills u inside thts wht i believed. i was suffering i was going mad really.
and i just couldnt do it. im still with him as u see..wud Allah count that sin now?

i just dont know how to get out of this loop. it has become impossible.

About the istikhara issue:
you know when you do it fr sm task, then you hear always u must be sincere not inclined etc..
when you go against wht Allah tells you then if you dont do it you do a sin. to remove that sin you must also remove that task. if marriying for eg was the sin u did then you must leave that in order to get Forgiveness. because that was done against Allahs wish. as wen you do sins feel sorry and bad abt it but not wanting to leave it..
you will ask but why i say Allah told me nt to do it when at the end it worked out etc..as u said thats Wht Allah guided you too...but Allah counts the inner intentions. and intentions and feeling is that i really dont want to leave him i just cant imagine it. but of course i dont want to do a sin or choose someone over Allah..but it seems so wrong to keep wht i wanted and ask forgiveness. it is so Unsincere and hypocrital. like you know u wont leave him n cant do it but askin him to forgive you or sth..but if Allah wud talk to us and tell me do this now i cudnt disobey no one cud of course..and i got into moment of desperatness where i just wanted to find peace and no fear anymore and knw im nt doing a grave sin. so i pray to Allah to help me frm heart cuz one isjust restless. and then later when i get such signs of course one thinks its frm Allah tht moment. like by coincidence i hear sm surah on tv or i read sth online or a hadeeth comes across me..as its frm Allah wanting to help me. like once i read this hadeeth:
And on the authority of Wabisah bin Ma'bad (may Allah be pleased with him) who said,
"I came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and he (peace be upon him) said, 'You have come to ask about righteousness.' I said, 'Yes.' He (peace be upon him) said, 'Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels at ease and the heart feels tranquil. And wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and causes uneasiness in the breast, even though people have repeatedly given their legal opinion [in its favour].'"

A good hadeeth transmitted from the musnads of the two imams, Ahmed bin Hambal and Al-Darimi, with a good chain of authorities.
When i see such things of of course i panic for sm time becuz i see myself that i actually dont want to leave my husband and wud do anything to stay with him but how can i ignore Allah. even though i hear tht Allah doesn give signs or talk to us i feel that it doesnt make me feel much better, because my intention is bad. i already made up my mind i don wanna follow it and thtswhy i feel so guilty and sin on me. why would Allah forgive me then..

to say i must obey my husband and love him etc etc which are all correct things of course i know..but how can i follow them while i have to first remove a graver sin? how can i follow these rules when the marriage was itself a sin. If what i feel is im doing a sin then wont Allah count what we think and what smhow makes sense to our mind? wont he hold us accountable according to tht and every person according to what his conscience tells him?

i really dont knw wht to do anymore..

Assalaamo alaikum sister,

May Allah take away your trouble, aameen.

I must explain to you that you and we all Muslims are ordered to keep the verses of Quraan in their context and understand them that way. So it is wrong to take a verse out of its context and fix it on your circumstances.

About the Hadeeth, We are ordered to take and consider all texts about a problem and not to take decision from only one Hadeeth or one verse. For e.g. in the above Hadeeth, the Prophet salla Allaho alaihi wa sallam gave some points to recognize a good deed and an evil deed, but this is not the only point to be considered. In the Holy Quraan and Sunnah all types of good and bad deeds are very clearly mentioned. You will never find in the Quraan and Sunnah that giving love to a legal husband is sinful and/or that such lawful love should become guilt for you. This application of the Holy Quraan and Sunnah is very abnormal!!!

There may be some other sin which makes you feel guilty but Satan is trying to apply it in wrong direction because U are giving lift to Satan. You must think sincerely and find out the sin which is making U upset and say astaghfaar, Allah will forgive U insha Allah.

But U are not answering my questions, Are u regular in prayer making every day, if not then that is kuffar which will take U to Hell for ever!

Or did you do this marriage without a valid wali, if so, then you must say it clearly to a Muslim learned Judge, he can help U. Islamically, if a father prevents his daughter from marriage without just cause then the daughter can take the help of the Muslim Judge/Ruler and that marriage will not be unlawful.

As I advised U before, read those surahs to expel Satan.

[Firdaous1]

It is like everything i do is to stay with him. The fear of separation has become bigger than fear of Allah and his anger.
The separation has become the only way to proove my sincerity anything else wud be just running away from the separation (bcuz thats what my niya is and feeling) evrything i do is running away actually from this fearful separation which has become the number one fear. Thtsy wen i want to make even dua i feel so wrong its like i pray to Allah make me stay with him but with ur blessing and pleasure but that is so contradicting becuz i ask him just bcuz of tht fear of separation again which i cant imagine doing. Tht means i prefer sth over Allah as it seems. Thtsy i will never b sincere as long i want to stay with him n nt able to leave him. All i do even now talkin to u to find a solution or answer is just with niya to hear wht i wish to hear and run away frm that wich i fear which Allah will count as niya. Bcuz i got this proof that wen i ask Allah frm my heart to help me out to lemme see truth nt to let me in sin if i am. But then if sth happens a sign or so which signifies i m indeed in wrong and must leave him i dont accept it.thts the problem.doesn matter if the sign is true or not.i only want to accept wht will be accordin my wishes.i want Allahs pleasure and to follow him but wen it is not wht i hoped then i cant accept it and panic and try to find ways n say it cant b true n so on..this is why i am bad and unsincere bcuz i want 2 follow Allah and i want my thing n this is unsincere vry much bcuz we must accept anything he wants.
This was also the problem wen i did istikhara whr all started.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Firdaus,

(smile) In answer to your wondering, I am a woman.

My dear, I understand that it is a bit of a challenge to find a wise Muslim therapist, but you are Blessed to live in a country where you have a wide choice of therapists (many Muslims in the world don't have such access, you know). A good one will take your faith into account, even if they do not quite share it. However, given the fact that there have been Muslims in Germany for quite a while now, I suspect that you could find one. Try contacting the Association of German Professional Psychologists: http://www.bdp-verband.org/bdp/verband/englisch.shtml , and ask about if they know any Muslim therapists, or therapists who have some knowledge and understanding of your faith.

You might also want to seek advice from a medical doctor. I am not sure exactly what is underlying your present state of mind, but it seems to me that making sure there is nothing in your general health that might be affecting your emotions or thoughts (and quite a range of different medical conditions can affect you this way you know) would be a prudent thing to do.

(gently) I feel your suffering, my dear. Please go and talk with people who can help you.

I hug you and pray for you.


May Allah, the Loving, Help us to find quietness in our hearts.

[Firdaous1]

You know its the feeling or fact that i cNt imagine life without him and thats what i am trying to run away frm and this running away is like counted as the sin im afraid of. Running away frm it is Like i said this unsincerity and prefering him.able to leave him or nt able to take that step as this thought is so hard.
One might say thats jus in ur mind and jus ignore it even if u feel so but as i said i feel i really am unsincere cuz wen i didn knw what to do wht is right i asked Allah to help me out and why then sth happens means i read sth or sth like tht in coincidence and it means leave him then i dont want to accept it i feel ss i cant. Thtsy even if i hear that ignore sich signs, i feel my inner self is still bad though. This niya or tht conscience towards Allah.and i feel how will Allah forgive me if this bad inner self is there which i explained to u That im nt able to do it (leaving )
I want to knw one thing also bcuz it confused me about niya in islam. I read as long u intend sth but didn do it it wont count im talkin abt sins etc. Thats one opinion but not if sth happens to prevent u. E.g. i intend to steal but police caught me before i cud steal so it will count i stole even though it didn happen? Bcuz i wanted to do it?
Jazak Allah

[Firdaous1]

Welcome to the forum.



Br. Ardianto kept it simple. Even Nabi Adam felt lonely in heaven and he had Allah. Hence the gift of women to man.

You know it's waswas. Treat it that way. Don't give it fuel, give it no further thought.

In syaa Allah.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:

If i feel i cannot do sth for Allah bcuz i love my husband n cannot leave him bcuz i dont knw how i cud endure this pain nt to kknow him anymore then i am preferin him over Allah i feel that my love to this man is much intense and seperation frm him is so much grieve but for Allah even i cannot do it?
Im feelin as accepting this bad conduct from me and accepted the sin im doing cause i cant do it i really fear seperation tht i wont b able to bear it how can Allah b pleased. How can rules as talaq is least liked frm halal acts etc if im doin a much graver sin that all other things r mere excuses i take. How can i say no i m allowed to b married to him if i know i cant leave him for Allah? I hv made like a conditon that i know only veing able to seperate n endure this pain i fear so much will prove only that i really love Allah most bcuz thats exactly wht i cant do for Allah in my mind n feelings.as long i run away frm it out of not being able from leaving him even for Allah, i hv chosen this person as like more important. How can i lie to myself bcuz i cant deny this feeling. How it is waswas..if a woman wants to leave her husband cuz she likes another man or sth like tht for her the advice she will sin if she divorces if her husband is goos to her is totoally right cuz for her nafs n desires she wanna do a sin.but with me its other way around my nafs wants to keep husband but with a wrong conduct and intention which Allah knws.

[Alpha Dude]

Seriously, there is only so many ways and so many times that somebody can say the same thing to you.

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with your marriage. You don't need to leave your husband in order to prove your love for Allah. That's absurd. In order to prove your love for Allah, you do as Allah has commanded, follow all the rules and regulations of Islam. Not an imaginary rule that you imposed upon yourself which has no basis in Islam.

Sorry for the harshness of tone but you are simply making life difficult for yourself for absolutely no reason.

[Firdaous1]

I have thought going to a psychatrist to get some medicin like anti depressant or calming medications to stop the constant thinking. But then i would take sth to numb my conscience nt feelin any guilt and fear etc where is the test then anymore which im experiencing. Wouldnt i jus numb my mind to escape again the thing tht i cant do for Allah. If theres no feelings anymore and numbness then thers no fear of seperating or anything then the guilt would probably go but then what have i done? I have failed the test as well bcuz i jus drugged myself to escape reality? I would still have the sin on my shoulder which i experience now too bcuz at the end its the fact i cant leave him bcuz i dont want the unbearable pain and feelings i Must experience in order to proof Allah.if thers no pain or suffering ther is no test

Wht do u think

[Alpha Dude]

Numbing the pain with anti depressants is not a good idea and you'll just be hiding it. Get to the root of your problem.

Personally, my thoughts on your issue are extremely crystal clear. I think you are over-reacting severely and in reality have nothing to worry about. For what reason you are letting something that has no basis get to you so much, I really don't understand. May Allah make things easy for you sister and protect you from evil. Aaameen.

Please see a shaykh and ask about the issue you are having for further guidance. Maybe ring the one mentioned on this website: http://idauk.org/dawah/fatwa.html

[Abz2000]

omg this is like something out of the matrix or inception, a whole load of pschological constructs when the reality is what it is.
may Allah assist us in establishing His laws and following the truth which He has prescribed.
sister there's something trying to write off perfect code as errors in your mind and it will affect you in the future as your dna saves it if it doesn't submit to Allah.
we have to learn to have a heart at peace with the law of Allah or it causes huge internal conflicts and missteps in situations presented to us in the future - like those ants that run around in circles when you draw a maze for them with insect chalk.

i'm not saying i'm perfect but i can feel it happening:

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/g...ps4rjlgmha.jpg

careful what you put in the king's drinking cup.

[Firdaous1]

[QUOTE=Alpha Dude;2859367]Numbing the pain with anti depressants is not a good idea and you'll just be hiding it. Get to the root of your problem.

Personally, my thoughts on your issue are extremely crystal clear. I think you are over-reacting severely and in reality have nothing to worry about. For what reason you are letting something that has no basis get to you so much, I really don't understand. May Allah make things easy for you sister and protect you from evil. Aaameen.

Please see a shaykh and ask about the issue you are having for further guidance. Maybe ring the one .

They r not taking email questions at the moment. Please Alphadude. Help me out with a knowledgable Mufti you know. You could find for me urgently. Here i live in germany i did speak to imams but smhow didn feel as they got me. Can u help me with a trustworthy mufti to listen to my issue. Or i cud contact? Online fatwa sites need long time to reply.

[Abz2000]

there's a decent online site called onislam.net which gives detailed answers on confusing issues, there's also one called islamqa