format_quote Originally Posted by
jahnvi
I joined here as i thought i would be able to get some guidance.
He is my first love but we couldn't marry as our religions are different, he is a muslim and im a hindu and he wanted me to convert plus his family never agreed and nor did mine. He got married to a muslim girl but we continued seeing each other. Yesterday he proposed me to marry him and ever since im not able to rest. He says i will still have to convert which i was anyway ready to earlier but his family especially his mother was against us. He even has a baby girl now and his marriage proposal has come as a complete shock to me as we never talked about marriage once he got married. Earlier (when he was still a bachelor), when i told my parents, they threatened to disown me and even got my college course transferred to another city. Somehow we never moved on and we continued the relationship even after his marriage. Now he says he will fight his family unlike before his marriage for us as he owes to our love. Honestly, i don't doubt his intention of marrying but im terribly confused as he won't divorce his wife. His religion allows him to up to four wives legally and he says if only he didn't had a child from his wife, he would have divorced her. Im happy with his proposal but the whole idea of sharing him legally with another woman (who btw has not even cleared highschool) is messing my mind up. We never stopped loving each other, i cant speak for him but i love him from the bottom of my heart and honestly i don't care about the world's definition of a true relationship i.e. marriage but at the same time im happy that he has proposed and im very very happy about it and yet i stand confused. I told him to leave me alone for sometime to think but im so very confused :embarrass
I understand your issue.
I am just giving some advices, whether or not you will agree is up to you.
Firstly, are you okay with him having another wife? You need to know the consequences before you move on. In Islam, every wife is given equal rights. So yah, you get it? If he blah blah with you, he got to blah blah same with his another wife. Which am 101% sure you wouldn't at all like, because you love him and wouldn't want him shared with another woman.
Blah blah as in, if he takes you shopping and for a movie, his another wife deserves the same too.
Secondly, I don't want to comment on your love story, but as far as I am concerned, I see something sick here. He is married, has a child, and now wants to marry you, and says that he can have 2 wives because he has a child. Well, if he wants he can very well divorce his wife even though they have a child. And I personally find it so wrong because he is married, has a child, now wants to marry you and keep you with another wife, and then stay together? Which human being, who truly loves, wants to share his/her spouse amongst other people? I find it truly disgusting and silly.
In my opinion, when he truly loves you, he wouldn't marry anyone else. He can easily stay a bachelor as he is a man. Even for the sake of argument I agree he married, but once he is married, he would tell you to forget him and he would probably go far, far away from you and stop all ways of contacting you, so that you get less hurt and you can try forgetting him. Whether you can forget or not is a different story. But that's the move I would recommend for a person who truly loves. I wouldn't imagine a person married with a kid, proposing someone whom he says he loves a lot, just to marry her and make her hurt even more when she sees him being shared with another woman. What can be more hurting than seeing infront of your own eyes that he has another wife whom he has to treat and love equally?
Am sorry, I never meant to hurt you sister, but this was just my opinion.
I can understand you honestly love him a lot, but, does he actually? Think about it.
And for the future, I would say, one sided love never really works. Once you know someone whom you love doesn't love you back, you slowly tend to forget them, sooner or later.
I have always believed :
You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will.