View Full Version : “If you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing

abo mussaab
11-05-2015, 02:13 PM
Be gentle with your wives and benefit from them the way they are.Aboo Hurayrah (radiallaahu anhu) reported: the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“Take my advice with regard to women: Act kindly towards women, for they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its uppermost. If you attempt to straighten it; you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked; so act kindly toward women.”
[Saheeh al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim]
In another narration of al-Bukhaaree and Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“A woman is like a rib, if you attempt to straighten it, you will break it; and if you benefit from her, you will do so while crookedness remains in her.”
In another narration of Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“The woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you want to benefit from her, you will benefit from her while crookedness remains in her. If you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.”
Shaykh Ibn al-Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah) said:
“The author (Imaam al-Nawawee) (rahimahullaah) mentioned the Hadeeth of Aboo Hurayrah (radiallaahu anhu) regarding the women that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
‘Take this advice from me which I am giving you (or accept this bequest from me which I am leaving for you) and that is to act kindly and gently with the women because the women are deficient in their intellect (or discernment) and they are deficient in their faith and they are deficient in their reasoning and they are deficient in a lot of things; for they were created out of a rib.’
Aadam (alayhis salaam) was created without father and mother, rather he was created from dust and then it was said: “Be! And he was.” When Allaah ta’aala planned to extend this creation, He created from him (Aadam) a wife; He created her from a crooked rib. She was created from (Aadam’s) rib.
The crooked rib, if one wants to benefit from it, he has to benefit from it while the crookedness is still there. But he if tries to straighten it, he will break it. Similarly a woman, if a man wants to benefit from her, then he should benefit from her while the crookedness (deficiencies) are still there and as much as possible, he should be pleased with whatever transpires. But if he tries to straighten her, she will not be straightened and she cannot be straightened (or he can never straighten her).
Even if she is upright in her religion, she still does not fulfill the obligations (i.e. prayer and fasting) at the times when it is decreed upon her (i.e. during her period), so how can she fulfill everything that her husband needs? (Meaning: if the pious woman cannot fulfill the rights of her Lord all the time, then how can the husband demand that she fulfills his rights all the time and every time?) No doubt, they are bound to have differences, and there will be shortcomings because of the deficiencies within her.
She has deficiencies and shortcomings because of what has been decreed upon her – her natural disposition. So if the man tries to straighten her, he will break her – breaking her (i.e. divorcing her). The meaning (of the phrase) is: if you tried to straighten her for yourself as the way you like, then you will not be able to do so. (In trying to do so), one day you will get annoyed (angered and impatient) and you will end up divorcing her.
Breaking her means divorcing her!
And in this, there is (great) advice from the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) to the men (on how to behave) with their wives. They should deal with them with (kindness and) forgiveness as much as possible, as Allaah ta’aala said:
“Show forgiveness…”
Meaning: pardoning and easy going is from the good manners.
“…enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e. do not punish them).”
[Soorah al-A’raaf (7): 199]
And it is not possible (for a man) to find a woman who is 100% safe and free from deficiencies and shortcomings, or that she is able to please the husband all the time. But as the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) advised, one should benefit from her even though there is crookedness is in her.
Also, if you hate one of her characteristics, you will be pleased with another. [1] So, with patience encounter this (her shortcomings) with this (her merits).
And Allaah ta’aala said:
“And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good.”
[Soorah an-Nisaa’ (4): 19]”
From: Sharh Riyaadh al-Saaliheen (3/116-118)
[1] Aboo Hurayrah (radiallaahu anhu) reported Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) as saying:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman (i.e. his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
[Saheeh Muslim (3469)]

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