Islam is in his heart.. I know it is

[tasneem5090]

Assalamu alaikum. I am desparately seeking guidence in my current situation. I am a young Muslim woman living in a westernised society. I grew up in a good Muslim home and family. All my life I have had friends of different faiths because of the schools I attended. This never compromised my faith because my father always taught us to show people who are not Muslim the beauty of Islam rather than shy away from them. As I get older (21) these reltionships are not that easy to maintain because as much as I try to explain that i cannot do certain things that the laws of Islam forbids, non muslims that age rarely understand and dissmiss me as being "boring". So until recently i have avoided such friends.

I met someone through my cousin. At first i did not know he was Muslim. We innocently got to know eachother and I have even introduced him to my Father. He stays with his grandma who is a strong Muslim. I like her and she likes me and often asks when we plan to get married. She also mentioned that he has never brought a girl to meet her, let alone a Muslim girl. Seeing him in her home made me confortable that he was raised with good Islamic values and marriage was definately an option. As time went by I got to learn more about his life.

I learned that his mother is a white Christian lady and his father is as I am mixed race Muslim. He explained that his mother did embrace Islam when she married his father but when he was 4 they divorced because she was unfaithful and then converted back to Christinity. After the divorced he stayed with her where he was not taught about Islam and not even called by his Muslim name. At the age of 10 she sent him to a boarding school for four years only visiting rarely. He would only see his father once every few months because he worked out of the country. When he started high school he moved in his fathers house. His father remarried another white Christian woman who had embrced Islam. She was a very young woman only 8 years older than him. Still in this home although they claimed to be Muslim nobody practiced Islam.

He finished high school and he explains that he was such a lost person that time of his life. He use to party and drink exssesively. His father purchased a bigger house and when they moved he went to stay by his grandparents. His grandma says she gave him a hard time and never followed any rules of Islam. I had not known anything like this about him and it made me want to run away because I did not want to bring such sin into my life.

On one occasion we went to his fathers house and shelves were stocked with Alcohol there were no Islamic symbolisms hanging from the walls like there were in his grandmothers house and immediatly I knew this was a different type of household. In a conversation with his fathers wife she mentioned that she only got married the Islamic way was to please the grandma. His father was a very quiet man, I couldnt figure him out. I have not met his mother yet, he is very confusing when he speaks about her. One day he'll say nice things and the next he'll get really upset at the thought of her. He visits her sometimes but never asks me to join.

So finally it brings me to my question. I question his ability to be a good Muslim husband and father. I not prepared to live a sinful life like those he's been exposed to and gained mannerisms from. I will not wed a man who drinks alcohol and parties because i was not raised like that. BUT ever since meeting me he attends mosque reguraly and reads to learn more. My sisters know of his past and warned me against him. But i cant help but feel that I can help him become a better Muslim. I feel so much pain for him, that he has dealt with growing up. It is not his fault he did not go to Muslim school like me, or that his father never taught him about Islam or that his Mother never cared to give him a choice on what he wants to believe. Islam is in his heart I know it. Where do i go from here?

[Abz2000]

The majority of Sahabahs were people who came to the truth from corrupt backgrounds and repaired their lives with the guidance and help from Allah.
If you can see that he's sincere in his will to walk aright then it would most likely be a person who hates to fall into the evils he was surrounded with before and therefore more immune to evil than others who may not have been exposed to what he was.

You know they say that converts are the most radical? I must say that i sincerely agree with them, especially seeing how much of the zeal was lost and how things went downhill after the first few generations.

[ajr]

Guidance comes from Allah... that being said only you can tell by his mannerism and his will to learn how sincere he is with regards to being a better muslim. Its hard, as a mother I fear that for my daughters, i admire your strong convictions with regards to what you want for you and for your future and that fearing Allah is the cornerstone of your dilemma...we are all tested and this my dear is your test, Alhamdulillah...Allah doesn't burden us with things that we cant handle...May this road you travel be made easy for you...In sha Allah

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Sometimes we are attracted to broken things. This brother has went through a lot in his life and is still figuring things out. I would still be wary as this is a fragile place to be. He does not have a strong foundation to lean back on, but rather has to build his own foundation. I would not be in a rush to marry this brother because it could go either way. I also suggest you not get too close with him and build up an attachment because then you will not go for someone who may be more suitable for you. If he is serious for marriage, about you, and about his deen then you will know in your heart without any doubt whether this person is "the one," but you are already doubtful and worried, so either give it some time or move on. Of course I also suggest istikhara as well. May Allah guide you both on the right path.

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[Physicist]

I would suggest to watch him among his friends. Stay silent, be boring like you are not there. Observe his behaviour without any pressure from your side. Let him show himself, whether he is easy to be involved into sinfull things or leading others for a better way or at least prefer to stay aside.