Privacy in Islam

[salvationseeker]

Assalamualaikum. I am a 20 year old girl. I would like to know to what extent can a daughter of my age be given her privacy. Given that I have lost my parents' trust more than a couple of times, I have been working hard to gain it back and can safely say that I have done so, to some extent. However, i understand that it is only maternal instinct and nature to keep a check on me. On the other hand, realization of this fact does not keep my anger bottled up when there is a constant check on me. What aggravates it is the fact that I know I'm not doing anything that my mother does not know of. She takes my phone away at night and then checks everything. Sometimes I feel happy to know that she knows I'm finally on the right track but most of the times it's more of me being angered but I can't say anything. Kindly guide me, according to Quranic verses and Ahadith if I can ask her for my privacy back and tell her to no longer be as tight with me. Also, till what age is it a parents' duty to keep check of every action of their children?

[ardianto]

Wa'alaikumsalam, young sister.

I've never heard ayaah or hadith that related with your situation. And you don't need to bring Islamic reference in this matter because what your mother do through checking your phone is just because her instinct as mother to protect you from doing wrong. It has nothing to do with Islam because every parent from any belief can have instinct like this, not only Muslim parent.

If you want your parents give you more privacy, you can talk with them from heart to heart, as a child and parents. Do not bring Islam when you talk with them like "In Islam child have rights ....." or "In Islam parents should ...... ". Because instead of listen to you, it will make your parents cannot understand you.

And, always talk with your parents in good manner, always respect them.

:)

[sister herb]

Also, till what age is it a parents' duty to keep check of every action of their children?

Salam alaykum

The parents feel that they duty to keep check actions of their children never ends. You will understand this then when you will some day, inshAllah, have your own children. For example, I am now 49 and my mom still checks regularly if everything is ok with me (she is now 82).

Be happy that yours parents care about you. Be kind to them, thank them often about their caring and behave responsibly like an adult so they don´t need to worry about your safety too much.

[salvationseeker]

Thank you so much for the replies. But I'm still not satisfied. I don't want to bring in Islam while talking about something like privacy, which,to many parents, seems to be a petty issue and unfortunately my parents are one of them. For example, if my brother has my phone in his hands of vice versa we never look at each others' messages even though we don't really mind. It's called respecting our privacy but my mother is against this. I don't know how to explain to her that having privacy doesn't necessarily mean that you're up to something and probably doing something wrong. And she drags Islam into everything which is why I need some islamic reference for counterargument.

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[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

Key words here, you've broken their trust several times so it's going to be tough road to gain their trust again. Don't know what it was you did and you don't have to explain. It is going to be a fragile few years.

Unfortunately, if that is all that you are doing, it might be a tedious affair. As an act to 'repair' the hurt and it is really that, you have to give something extra, engage them, partake in something they do, give them more of you that they not only see, but feel the difference.

I don't know... When trust is lost, people tend to drift away. Suspicion creeps in. So get closer.

My thoughts.

Wishing you a good stay.

:peace:

[ardianto]

Key words here, you've broken their trust several times so it's going to be tough road to gain their trust again.

It's not because breaking the trust, and I think the OP can be trusted. But few parents indeed, overprotective. They always worry their kids will do something wrong, and this worries turn into suspicion that make them feel they need to always watch their kids. Of course it make their kids feel uncomfortable.

[salvationseeker]

Like I said, I've been working really hard to gain back their trust and I'm proud to say that I have. I have my phone all day, without any restrictions or questions asked. Period. I just don't understand why I can't keep it with me at night. I can't put an alarm for myself to wake up early in the morning of I have to study neither does my mother like it if I stay up late to study, with or without the phone.

[hisnameiszzz]

I am in my 30's. I have an older brother and an older sister who will go through my phone any opportunity they get. They also go through my drawers in my bedroom and look under the pillows etc. My sister doesn't even live with us. When she had her child, she came to stay with us and went through my bedroom drawers and found a music cassette and did a big hooha about it.

They are both that way inclined. They feel the need to check. It doesn't bother me one bit. I have nothing to hide. I don't even put a lock on my mobile. They won't find anything untoward on there. If I go to the kitchen and leave my phone in the front room, I know my brother will be looking through it when I come back.

You just have to accept some people feel the need to know everything, it may be nosy or they may just be interested.