:bism:
:sl:
I sympathize with you, little bro, and I think you were very brave; I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but please do not be depressed or confused. See, you also have to see things from her point of view. She's 15, and she doesn't know you and you propose to her. She might think you are either funning her or weird. I am not saying you are non-serious with her or weird, but she wouldn't know that. Moreover, at the age of 15, she might find marrying a huge responsibility as the definition of childhood historically changed to include people under the age of 18. Islamically, under
shari (legal) definition, she is not too young to marry; however, in real world, wherein culture dictates understanding of maturity, she is young.
As far as talking to her, brother, you can talk to her with the purpose of perhaps giving
dawa, but at this point in time, I'd advise you instead to concentrate on your studies. Since she has said no to you, at this moment in time, you should give her the space that she desires and instead show the best of character. Also, keep praying to Allah SWT saying, "O Allah, please open her heart to Islam and bring her in marriage to me as a wife that will prove the coolness of my eyes." Keep praying that prayer and do not doubt on Allah and instead have trust that Allah SWT has the perfect timing in answering all prayers.
Brother, my
sheikh (Islamic teacher) used to emphasize patience so much and used to teach us that patience must be to the end, that is, even to the last breath we would take in our lives. So, adopt patience, brother, because if you are not willing to be patient, life itself will unfold circumstances to teach you patience; therefore, better that you yourself keep to patience rather than have life teach you that important lesson.
Like you, I'd liked an individual as we'd been in the process of
halal marital talk with parental involvement; however, the man had to work overseas, and it didn't pan out. It really broke my heart. However, I've survived, little brother; and I have learned that you have to depend on yourself as you cannot come to depend on anyone else. Allah SWT is always there, and we have to turn to Allah SWT with our heartbreaks and any other issues that we face in life.
Take one day at a time, little brother; I know sometimes you may think that this issue not panning out in the way you thought is the end of the world, but it is not. You'll find that you're stronger than this, and I want you to trust Allah SWT no matter what happens. For your sake, I do hope you're right and
In-sha-Allah (God-willing) she does become your wife; however, little brother, this life is very long, and I don't want you to close your heart. Keep your heart open and maybe Allah SWT will then either enable her to become your wife if she is written in your
qadr (destiny) or give you an even better wife who'll be absolutely perfect for you and whom you'll learn to see as the best gift of your life.
Right now, though, I want you to concentrate on your studies, your life, and also on developing self-confidence. Maybe, little brother, you can do things like joining Toastmasters club which enables people to develop public speaking skills and also you can find activities that will enable you to maintain a healthy focus on life such as joining a gym and making yourself into a stronger man physically.
Little brother, sometimes, things happen in our life which we do not understand, but we should not strive to understand the reasons as they might not make sense to us and are only speculation; whenever things don't go the way you want, say to Allah SWT "I submit" and adopt patience and keep making
duas as
duas change
qadr and also are a means of us attaining closeness to Allah SWT. Remember, little brother, Allah SWT loves you very, very much; and please do not disappoint Allah SWT and instead seek Allah SWT and His SWT pleasure so that you can feel at peace and in bliss.
:wa:
format_quote Originally Posted by
Flare
So, I emailed her. Saying:
"So, I asked you for your hand during the summer and I will ask you again. Can I marry you? Also, would you also consider converting to Islam? I can't marry if you are not Muslim. If you have questions regarding the religion, I would be more than glad to answer it.
It would be best if you can ask me through emailing rather than talking to me in school. My friends are easily excited and can be a bit annoying sometimes.
If you are already Muslim, then that is great! We can discuss things further and perhaps marry before Summer!!! Or at least, engage!"
She never answered me. I couldn't wait for answer. So I messaged her in facebook. Then she answers me:
“Please stop messaging and emailing me. I'm not interested. Thanks.”
However, when this message came, yes my heart was crumbling. But this is to be expected I thought. I cannot just go around asking girls to marry me. She is only 15 years old. I guess I was a bit too fast in asking.
So what should I do now? I never talked to her in person. We only had eye contact and such. But, I ignored her every time when she tried to help me so that I can stay away from haram. But when I like her, she goes soo far. What can I do now? I do istihkara everyday and I still think she will be my woman. The time did not come yet.
Istihkara is a prayer asking god for making the best choice. I feel comfortable with her and still consider her perfect in my eyes even after my prayer. What is this a sign of?
I will admit I was too fast. I was losing my patience. God may have taught me patience from her! xD. God sure is the most merciful and kind.
Also, she when I broke my leg, she tried to help me, but I ran from her. For I am very shy. But, you know, I overcame my shyness to propose her. How can I talk to her at all? In what ways is it halal for me to talk to her? If I see her in the hallway, am i allowed to talk to her or am I not?
I need help. I am still super confused. My heart was broken. Perhaps, I have to continue being patient. I haven't had any girlfriend or even talked to one face to face unless it is project or work. I pray everyday, I made a mosque at my school in which everyday I make athan and pray alone.
I am alone and praying everyday asking god to make her my wife. I am scared if she won't become one. I don't think any woman can make me more satisfied than her...
Confused, I am. And depressed. I do not know what to do. I am doing in the way of god as much as I can. I am a senior at highschool now. I work together with people and make the best out of things.
How can I approach a kafir woman if I am looking to marry her? It seems impossible in this society where everyone gets early relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend system. I have also rejected many proposal of woman.
This kafir woman was the first woman I proposed in my life. Help.