Assalaamu alaikum Ed,
Mmm... you want a 100% guarantee that you can argue
of a nose job before Allah
...! (smile) But Allah looks inside YOUR heart. No matter what a true scholar says (if
you can find one; I agree these are harder to find than hen's teeth in some places), if you have some doubts and misgivings in your heart
about the halalness of your trip to the surgeon... well, I'd suggest listening to your heart.
(gently) It seems to me that you fear rejection. And that you have placed all your fears onto your nose, so to speak. (mildly) But cutting your nose will not really cut your fears away, you know.
(mildly) Surgery is also not without it's dangers. (sigh) So many people think: Oh! I'll just have a quick trip to the doctor's, and everything will be miraculously as I dreamed... But it is not like this. Furthermore, every time you go under the knife, there could
be complications. Even disfiguring or (very rarely) mortal ones. (mildly) Granted, the majority of cases go ok. But there are no guarantees that you will be in the majority. This is why when you go for any
medical intervention, you must consider not only the benefits you want, but also the possible costs.
What are the possible costs? Well, I got this from the Mayo Clinic website (this is a reliable source of information for the general public):
By Mayo Clinic Staff
As with any major surgery, rhinoplasty carries risks such as bleeding, infection and an adverse reaction to the anesthesia. Other possible risks specific to rhinoplasty include:
- Recurring nosebleeds
- Difficulty breathing through your nose
- Permanent numbness in and around your nose
- Possibility of an uneven-looking nose
- Pain, discoloration or swelling that may persist
- Hole in the septum (septal perforation)
There are also likely to be financial costs. (mildly) Money that could perhaps be used more fruitfully. To pay for studies, debts, for a car, a house... (twinkle) for a nice gift for your future intended. (smile) Or to give as a sadaqa.
(smile) I do
understand that it is hard to know how to approach a member of the opposite sex for marriage purposes. Especially when you feel you're not good enough. But the other members on this Forum have given you some valuable insights, you know. Women are not nearly
as interested in looks as men are. A man's steadiness and ability to support his future children are much
more attractive, you know.
(pensively) I wonder if you feel that having a particularly beautiful wife can counterbalance your own feelings of unattractiveness. (sigh) But this won't work, either, you know. A good wife will bear you children. She will age. She will work hard to raise your and her children and to support you when you need help. And, inevitably
, her looks will fade... so will you then need to get yourself a new attractive woman to make you feel good about yourself? And is this fair to your caring wife and children?
(smile) And, you know, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. (gently) Ardianto's wife was very ill before she died. Do you think that, on the surface, she was gorgeously beautiful to the end? But did it matter? Did Ardianto not find her beautiful anyway? (softly) Why do you think that was?
(gently) Right now, I would not
recommend a woman to marry you. Not because of your looks. But because you need to learn to love yourself more. And because you judge others too much by their looks (and these two points are related, it seems to me). (smile) I suspect that if you work on building a healthy love of your
beautiful self (and I'm sure
you have some
beauty in you), that God made
, that you would find it easier to approach a woman for marriage, and that you would be a much better husband and father.
(smile) And you know what? If a woman is foolish enough to reject a good man purely on his looks (and there are a few like this, to be sure, just not as many as you might think)... then you are far
better off without her as your wife...
(smile) You are
loveable, Ed. Truly
. Now you just need to look at how you can become an even better and more beautiful person
. (smile) And then you will be even more
loveable. (softly) And then, perhaps, you will be able to see the true
beauty in others... no matter what their surface appearance. (smile) And you will be able to have a good
marriage where both spouses nourish each other, and their children, to grow and flourish.
(smile) Welcome to this Forum, Ed. I hope you may continue to grace us with your thoughts.
May Allah, the Designer, the Fashioner of Forms, Help us to see.