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bassybas
01-26-2016, 09:38 PM
I'll keep this short. I was interested in a girl from school last summer and we talked a lot. She's stunning, comes from a religious family, wears hijab, fairly wealthy and everything. We talked and got to know each other and then she decided to cut me off just before the school year starts. It hurt but she's a good Muslim so I didn't worry. Then a month later she comes back into my life and I tell her I have feelings for her but I need to focus on my studies. She's okay with that and still always talks to me and tries making plans. One day, I ask her to have lunch at school but she claims she has class from 3-6. I say okay and I go to my own class at 5 and see her cuddling some random dude in the Cafe. What the...

I didn't react nor call her out nor message her or anything, but I think she saw me see her. I am heartbroken not entirely because she's with a guy, but because I thought VERY highly of her, changed my ways because of her and I always make Dua for her. Then this happens. I haven't talked to her yet but I plan to discuss this disgusting, promiscuous manner with her eventually. I thought very highly of her and then I see her head in some dude's lap with her hijab on. No, he isn't Muslim (Small school) and she was in public. How do I approach this?
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Zafran
01-26-2016, 10:37 PM
Originally Posted by bassybas
I'll keep this short. I was interested in a girl from school last summer and we talked a lot. She's stunning, comes from a religious family, wears hijab, fairly wealthy and everything. We talked and got to know each other and then she decided to cut me off just before the school year starts. It hurt but she's a good Muslim so I didn't worry. Then a month later she comes back into my life and I tell her I have feelings for her but I need to focus on my studies. She's okay with that and still always talks to me and tries making plans. One day, I ask her to have lunch at school but she claims she has class from 3-6. I say okay and I go to my own class at 5 and see her cuddling some random dude in the Cafe. What the...

I didn't react nor call her out nor message her or anything, but I think she saw me see her. I am heartbroken not entirely because she's with a guy, but because I thought VERY highly of her, changed my ways because of her and I always make Dua for her. Then this happens. I haven't talked to her yet but I plan to discuss this disgusting, promiscuous manner with her eventually. I thought very highly of her and then I see her head in some dude's lap with her hijab on. No, he isn't Muslim (Small school) and she was in public. How do I approach this?

salaam

Look you had a high opinion of her and yet you were talking to her and trying to have lunch with her, yet you were not married- your no better yourself. Lastly I dont know the situation but you seem to project some sort of piety on her simply because she wears a hijab. You need lower your gaze and if your serious then you need to do it in a legitimate way, otherwise hearts will be broken and its going to hurt.

peace
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sister herb
01-26-2016, 10:50 PM
Salam alaykum

You better stop contacting her and other girls. Focus to your studies, work hard and graduate. Then, when it´s the right time, marry some suitable girl but before it avoid to make contacts to girls. What she has done and how she had behaved doesn´t belongs to you. Make sure that you behave right way.
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LifeIsAHighway
01-26-2016, 11:45 PM
uhh...

;D
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Futuwwa
01-26-2016, 11:51 PM
Never put any woman on a pedestal in your mind.
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azc
01-27-2016, 03:22 AM
Originally Posted by bassybas
I'll keep this short. I was interested in a girl from school last summer and we talked a lot. She's stunning, comes from a religious family, wears hijab, fairly wealthy and everything. We talked and got to know each other and then she decided to cut me off just before the school year starts. It hurt but she's a good Muslim so I didn't worry. Then a month later she comes back into my life and I tell her I have feelings for her but I need to focus on my studies. She's okay with that and still always talks to me and tries making plans. One day, I ask her to have lunch at school but she claims she has class from 3-6. I say okay and I go to my own class at 5 and see her cuddling some random dude in the Cafe. What the... I didn't react nor call her out nor message her or anything, but I think she saw me see her. I am heartbroken not entirely because she's with a guy, but because I thought VERY highly of her, changed my ways because of her and I always make Dua for her. Then this happens. I haven't talked to her yet but I plan to discuss this disgusting, promiscuous manner with her eventually. I thought very highly of her and then I see her head in some dude's lap with her hijab on. No, he isn't Muslim (Small school) and she was in public. How do I approach this?
Talk to her. If she's playing with you, leave her
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LifeIsAHighway
01-27-2016, 04:36 AM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
Never put any woman on a pedestal in your mind.
I must say I'm HIGHLY offended by your comment, bro.
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LifeIsAHighway
01-27-2016, 04:40 AM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
Never put any woman on a pedestal in your mind.
But MY "Partner" IS..! What would you say about thaat???! :D you could of said "unless your MARRIED". lm*o ! Women are MADE to be put on pedestals ! Trust me bro, you know NOTHING on this as much as myself. No offence. So it would be vain if you'd argue back.. :)
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sister herb
01-27-2016, 09:36 AM
Originally Posted by Pinocchio
I must say I'm HIGHLY offended by your comment, bro.
That´s a good advice what br Futuwwa gave, if you think it a little longer. When you put a woman to pedestal, you will give to her characters which are not even close of the reality and then, when you will find out that she is just only human being with normal weaknesses and faults, you will disappoint badly, and there is also a risk you will start to hate her (and think very low about her because she wasn´t as perfect as you was believing in your own imagination) and maybe also stop to trust any women in the future.
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LifeIsAHighway
01-27-2016, 10:21 AM
Originally Posted by sister herb
That´s a good advice what br Futuwwa gave, if you think it a little longer. When you put a woman to pedestal, you will give to her characters which are not even close of the reality and then, when you will find out that she is just only human being with normal weaknesses and faults, you will disappoint badly, and there is also a risk you will start to hate her (and think very low about her because she wasn´t as perfect as you was believing in your own imagination) and maybe also stop to trust any women in the future.
No, your wrong, I don't. I've been with Her "ALL MY LIFE", Literally. She's My Ideal. She's AMAZING. She's The BEST Thing that's EVER happened to me. She's Allah ji's TRUEST "Blessing" upon me and I can go on and on and on and on praising Her, both in front of HER and behind Her BACK. Lets say even if She have some qualities which annoy me (although there aren't any!) I still look at the brighter side. Her GOOD, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING Qualities and character outweighs Her annoying ones. So I'm thankful to Allah; I'm thankful to Her in fact I can NEVER thank Her and Allah enough. I'M "PROUD" OF HER; SHE'S MY "PRIDE", Indeed.. :)

YOU LOSE :thumbs_do
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LifeIsAHighway
01-27-2016, 10:24 AM
Go home ! And please no further questions and comments with me on this :)
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sister herb
01-27-2016, 10:28 AM
I am happy if you have found someone who is perfect to you. But in general, you and others should be careful. It´s always danger to give to someone characters which might never exits anywhere else than only in someone´s imagination. If you read again the first post, there is one example about kind of thinking.
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IbnAbdulHakim
01-27-2016, 11:14 PM
get over the burn and walk away

islam has rules for a reason
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ReboundMuslimah
01-27-2016, 11:47 PM
Originally Posted by Pinocchio
What the actual heckk ! :@ :/ :/ :/
I think you're taking this a little too personal so please stop going off on the sister she was just talking about the subject in general!
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Futuwwa
01-28-2016, 12:39 AM
Originally Posted by Pinocchio
She is my wife !! :@ now shut upp will you ??!! :@ :@
If you can't stand the notion that people will reply and disagree with you, you shouldn't get into arguments in the first place.

As it happens, I'm married too. To a good woman who is worthy of my commitment, for whom I've moved mountains, and would do so again. But I don't delude myself to think she's beyond human failings or impulses to sin. Nor do I abide marital misconduct from her, she's a good wife and I intend to keep it that way :D
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Futuwwa
01-28-2016, 12:49 AM
As for the OP, time for a longer reply I didn't have the time for before.

First, as I said, get her off the pedestal. Make peace with the likely possibility that she isn't what you thought she is, maybe she never was. She might have just played the role of good Muslimah because her family and social environment expects her to. She didn't just cuddle with that guy, she also deceived you. From how she has behaved towards you, it really seems like she's not interested but trying to get rid of you in a way that doesn't cause her a loss of face. She is not a good girl. Put on the armour of contempt and consider yourself lucky that you didn't waste any more time on an unworthy woman, let alone end up marrying her.
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Finding Peace
01-28-2016, 03:35 AM
Just keep making dua for her. And just stop talking to her or any other female. It will distract you specially if your a good muslim. It all starts with a look, text, email... whatever. Just focus on school, pray, and always keep Allah in your heart. Then Allah (swt) will help you find a rightous girl. In this life or the after. Just don't listen to shaytaans whisper.
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MuslimahRo
02-06-2016, 05:35 AM
Any update? I feel as you liked her, it is your duty to warn her. Otherwise, avoid her.
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MuslimahRo
02-06-2016, 05:43 AM
What you described sounds like more than just cuddling! Take this experience as a life lesson. You can't know who is a good Muslim. Only Allah can. At least interacting with her lead you to change your ways. You can give up on her but never give up on yourself! Your eternal well-being is at stake. You can pray and you can go on your way. Till you meet the right girl who is actually interested in you, brother! Then you can get to know each other in a halal manner and if everything seems good, you can make plans.
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Asiyah3
02-06-2016, 08:55 AM
Originally Posted by bassybas
I'll keep this short. I was interested in a girl from school last summer and we talked a lot. She's stunning, comes from a religious family, wears hijab, fairly wealthy and everything. We talked and got to know each other and then she decided to cut me off just before the school year starts. It hurt but she's a good Muslim so I didn't worry. Then a month later she comes back into my life and I tell her I have feelings for her but I need to focus on my studies. She's okay with that and still always talks to me and tries making plans. One day, I ask her to have lunch at school but she claims she has class from 3-6. I say okay and I go to my own class at 5 and see her cuddling some random dude in the Cafe. What the...

I didn't react nor call her out nor message her or anything, but I think she saw me see her. I am heartbroken not entirely because she's with a guy, but because I thought VERY highly of her, changed my ways because of her and I always make Dua for her. Then this happens. I haven't talked to her yet but I plan to discuss this disgusting, promiscuous manner with her eventually. I thought very highly of her and then I see her head in some dude's lap with her hijab on. No, he isn't Muslim (Small school) and she was in public. How do I approach this?
You shouldn't be talking with girls unnecessarily and neither should she be talking to guys without a valid reason. Thus if she cut you off, that is a good thing and should make you think even higher of her. In fact, if you yourself had cut the relationship before she did, she would have respected you more. Trust me, even us girls tend to fall for the "harder" guys.

So if you were talking to her so much unnecessarily, I don't blame her for avoiding you. Even that tends to make me draw conclusions of such guys, and I would advice any good religious girls do distance themselves from "guys excessively chatting-to-girls"

You even asked her to eat lunch with you? Are you serious?! You say you thought very highly of her yet expected her to agree? I personally don't know any respectful religious girl who'd agree to that.

^My first point isn't to blame you or make you feel low, but that you wouldn't do that in the future and inshaAllah brother change your ways. Trust me if you know how to keep distance with girls, they will come after you themselves.

Secondly, if you change your ways for the sake of a girl and not with the intention of seeking Allah's pleasure, expect no blessing and thus I'm not surprised at all how this turned out.

I am very pleased that you liked her for her religious commitment. This is how our Prophet saas instructed us to choose our future spouse. :)

May Allah grant you a loving pious wife.
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