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anonymous
02-03-2016, 09:37 AM
:sl:

I am a young woman about to reach my mid-twenties. I've wanted to get married for so many years, but so far haven't met any pious man. Religion and character are my most important criteria.

I see that many guys, including religiously-committed ones, contact girls on social media and often it does lead to marriage. Is it okay to post a pic of oneself with hijab with this intention temporarily in case it helps to receive contacts from serious guys? I keep seeing my friends getting married, and I'd like to get married too, inshaAllah. Although whether single or married I am also perfectly content alhamdulillah as long as I am with Allah swt.

Obviously the pic would be with hijab and only natural make-up, and I'll try to show just half my face in it or so as I don't want unwanted attention from non-serious guys.

Jazakumullahu khair
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azc
02-03-2016, 10:29 AM
Never trust the ppl on social media. Don't share your photograph on fb.I think sisters will guide you here in a better way.
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greenhill
02-03-2016, 10:42 AM
It's hard to trust social media.

Ask the question, open yourself to Allah and do istikarah?

:peace:
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anonymous
02-03-2016, 12:27 PM
Originally Posted by azc
Never trust the ppl on social media. Don't share your photograph on fb.I think sisters will guide you here in a better way.
Could you care to elaborate? How can sisters help me when it comes to getting married? My 2 closest friends already know I'm looking to get married, but they don't know anyone. If they'd knew being single themselves I'm pretty sure they'd probably take him for themselves. My parents probably want me to get married as well, I suppose (since they ask if I've met anyone) but they don't know anyone practicing (they'd probably vote for my cousins who wouldn't even care to pray).

I don't blindly trust any guy. I expect him to be knowledgeable on the religion along with good manners (at least pray and have an interest on the religion), and to include our parents in the process asap. Till now I've never met any pious guy who aren't already married.

I wouldn't want to get older and stay on the same spot. Getting older (past mid-twenties) will only decrease my chances of finding someone. Usually religiously-committed guys get married young and wouldn't like someone older, and neither would I like someone younger.
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anonymous
02-03-2016, 12:30 PM
Originally Posted by greenhill
It's hard to trust social media.
Trust me I'd hate to put my picture there on social media (actually would love to delete my account). But do I have any other option?

Ask the question, open yourself to Allah and do istikarah?
Jzk for the reminder. :) Before I post the pic, I'll definitely perform salatul istikhaarah.
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greenhill
02-03-2016, 12:36 PM
I do see your problem. Only, being anon a lot of things will be a waste of time saying due to cultural differences etc..

Try enrolling in some religious classes, you may find someone.. (that sounds bad...) at least a person at the classes shows his interest..

I don't know enough to say more..

:peace:
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*charisma*
02-03-2016, 12:43 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

I don't want you to get sucked into the idea that you have to show yourself in order to catch a man's attention. Just like you said, guys these days tend to freely mix/ talk to other girls and if that's not the type of guy that you want then you shouldn't gravitate to being the type of girl that would attract that type of guy. Instead, try to be more active in expressing your opinion, whether in social media or other. Even consider being a part of groups that you're interested in. If a guy is interested in what you have to say and your personality, then he will reach out in a very respectable manner. You will also get to see (somewhat) the type of person he is because he's sharing his thoughts, beliefs, interests, disinterests, etc, and its in a natural environment where he doesn't feel like he needs to impress anyone, so i think it's a more truthful form of that person than, say, when he meets you in person knowing already you're interested. I always think that you will learn a lot about a person just by seeing how they act when they're not in the "spotlight." I also highly suggest praying tahajjud or making dua in sujuud, and asking allah to put in your life that which is most beneficial to you. I think it's great that you feel somewhat indifferent about whether you get married or not (I was the same), but you should always ask Allah to grant you that which is best for you. You may also perhaps reach out to a local masjid and let them know you're available in case someone is also looking to find a wife.

Inshallah things go well for you!
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anonymous
02-03-2016, 12:48 PM
Originally Posted by greenhill
I do see your problem. Only, being anon a lot of things will be a waste of time saying due to cultural differences etc..

Try enrolling in some religious classes, you may find someone.. (that sounds bad...) at least a person at the classes shows his interest..

I don't know enough to say more..

:peace:
See, social media is the only thing I can think of. Going on matrimonial web-sites (esp. posting my picture) or sending a marriage application to the mosque is against my culture and would probably be shameful for a girl if discovered by someone you know. However, someone approaching me naturally, e.g. in social media, would be acceptable to the society.

I tried the mosque, but usually it's segregated and we don't communicate. Actually even a bigger problem is that majority of the guys in the mosques aren't from my country and this would go against my parents' wishes.

Although there is one mosque with men from my country, so could try that, but even if I go I doubt I'd "meet" anyone there -- normally guys and girls don't communicate in mosques.
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anonymous
02-03-2016, 01:01 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
Instead, try to be more active in expressing your opinion, whether in social media or other. Even consider being a part of groups that you're interested in. If a guy is interested in what you have to say and your personality, then he will reach out in a very respectable manner. You will also get to see (somewhat) the type of person he is because he's sharing his thoughts, beliefs, interests, disinterests, etc, and its in a natural environment where he doesn't feel like he needs to impress anyone, so i think it's a more truthful form of that person than, say, when he meets you in person knowing already you're interested. I always think that you will learn a lot about a person just by seeing how they act when they're not in the "spotlight."
Thank you for your advice sis. I very much appreciate for taking the time. :)

No, I don't want to attract the types of guys who don't lower their gaze or go after girls just for having fun etc. I've decided not to post any pics for now. I will try your methods first (express myself more in groups etc.), and am hoping it'll work so I won't need to resort to other means that I don't really feel comfortable doing, and of course definitely make more dua and tahajjud, and further improve my relationship with Allah...

You may also perhaps reach out to a local masjid and let them know you're available in case someone is also looking to find a wife.
Fine. I'll try this as well, inshaAllah. Although not sure if this would be acceptable to my parents...
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farhan
02-03-2016, 01:08 PM
:wa:

I'm 19 from the smartphone generation, so I totally get your question sis. Weaving in and out of social media and I know the kind of things that goes on there.

As brother @greenhill said, there's the element of trust. I am not generalizing but sometimes the most active people on Facebook can have the most inner problems. So be aware :ia:. I have personally been through some brothers who are jolly on the outside but when you get to know them it's danger. But alhamdulilah most of the people are good. It's like anything really, bad apples everywhere.

Why not search other avenues? Social media maybe make it your final resort?

- You have the Masjids, Events and Marriage services there.
- Close friends and family.
- Islamic online places like PureMatrimony (More serious people on there).

And many more...

If you really want to use social media, you can do so without your picture. Be friends with large circle of sisters on there and :ia: opportunities can open that way.

Putting your picture up will mostly gain attention from the wrong crowd. As sis @*charisma* mentioned also, if a brother is serious he will let you know in a respectable manner. He won't start liking/commenting your pics or freemixing. He will hasten towards the halal routes and trying to get parents involved etc.

Don't be saddened if you see your friends getting married. Just remember 50,000 years ago, Allah wrote your name and your spouses. :ia: your time will come soon.

Keep trying and search the Halal avenues. Make dua to Allah always :).

May Allah :swt: grant you a righteous pious spouse. Ameen.
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greenhill
02-03-2016, 01:30 PM
Getting to know a person takes time. Observing how they behave is also a useful indicator. Of course, mixing in mosques is difficult, but if one does not try. . .

:hmm:

:peace:
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anonymous
02-03-2016, 02:14 PM
Originally Posted by فرحان
:wa:

I'm 19 from the smartphone generation, so I totally get your question sis. Weaving in and out of social media and I know the kind of things that goes on there.

As brother @greenhill said, there's the element of trust. I am not generalizing but sometimes the most active people on Facebook can have the most inner problems. So be aware :ia:. I have personally been through some brothers who are jolly on the outside but when you get to know them it's danger. But alhamdulilah most of the people are good. It's like anything really, bad apples everywhere.

Why not search other avenues? Social media maybe make it your final resort?

- You have the Masjids, Events and Marriage services there.
- Close friends and family.
- Islamic online places like PureMatrimony (More serious people on there).

And many more...

If you really want to use social media, you can do so without your picture. Be friends with large circle of sisters on there and :ia: opportunities can open that way.

Putting your picture up will mostly gain attention from the wrong crowd. As sis @*charisma* mentioned also, if a brother is serious he will let you know in a respectable manner. He won't start liking/commenting your pics or freemixing. He will hasten towards the halal routes and trying to get parents involved etc.

Don't be saddened if you see your friends getting married. Just remember 50,000 years ago, Allah wrote your name and your spouses. :ia: your time will come soon.

Keep trying and search the Halal avenues. Make dua to Allah always :).

May Allah :swt: grant you a righteous pious spouse. Ameen.
Jazakallahu khair for your advice. I very much appreciate for taking the time.

To be honest what caused me to consider trying through social media was hearing marriage stories of religiously-committed young men and women.

One couple, although they 1st met offline in Islamic events, said they got to know each other on facebook. I asked the wife of the leader of Muslim youth organization, who is one of the best guys I know both in religious and character.
Another pious woman, although she met her religious husband 1st time offline, said he contacted her on facebook and got into talking there.
One good other guy who also recently got married met his wife entirely on facebook.

For some reason these stories saddened me. I didn't think "good guys" would also go search for wives on fb. In the past I thought girls who are active posting on social media would attract "bad guys" but apparently they also end up taking the "good guys".

Even my brother who is a very religiously-committed and good mannered guy and is against girls posting their pics and advices us, his sisters, not to post our pics online. Even he went on facebook to find a wife...
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Umm Malik
02-03-2016, 02:57 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Could you care to elaborate? How can sisters help me when it comes to getting married? My 2 closest friends already know I'm looking to get married, but they don't know anyone. If they'd knew being single themselves I'm pretty sure they'd probably take him for themselves. My parents probably want me to get married as well, I suppose (since they ask if I've met anyone) but they don't know anyone practicing (they'd probably vote for my cousins who wouldn't even care to pray).

I don't blindly trust any guy. I expect him to be knowledgeable on the religion along with good manners (at least pray and have an interest on the religion), and to include our parents in the process asap. Till now I've never met any pious guy who aren't already married.

I wouldn't want to get older and stay on the same spot. Getting older (past mid-twenties) will only decrease my chances of finding someone. Usually religiously-committed guys get married young and wouldn't like someone older, and neither would I like someone younger.
assalamo alaykoum
sister ... be sure that to get married. is one of the favors of your life as everything you have it in your life
thank you for trusting and asking us
don't put your picture in any place
just ask allah by your heart
ask him at night .. he will give you better than you want to choose
on facebook there are people can lie can be on a lie personality
and you may think of that one is good ... but allah know the best for you ... so let allah choose the best one for you ... he know your thinking .. your personality and know the good for you ... so be sure ... you will get your husband by the way that allah want ... just keep be good and allah will bring the good until you
sometimes we ask allah for things ... while allah know it isn't the best time for it
so instead of losing hope .. or despair ... we just need to wait the ease
and prepare our self to be the deserves it
and we will be more happy
allah want us to learn from each thing in our life
allah says :
(16) [And Luqman said], "O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted.
and remember the story of mary in the quran when her mother asks allah
you can see what dua can make in our life
when mary think just how can make her lord satisfy he give her a baby without reason ... not any baby it's a prophet Jesus peace be upon him
a big miracle
and (( So her Lord accepted her with good acceptance and caused her to grow in a good manner and put her in the care of Zechariah. Every time Zechariah entered upon her in the prayer chamber, he found with her provision. He said, "O Mary, from where is this [coming] to you?" She said, "It is from Allah. Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without account."
one day you will see what was hide ... and you will know who allah make the best to us
do your best to be good with allah ... and he will give you better
all the things is easy to him
he just say : (be) and it will be
we will congratulate you about your mariage soon inshaallah it's easy for him to bring the best one for you ((And good words are for good men, and good men are [an object] of good words))
your sister maryam
i am sorry for the long reply and for my bad english ;(
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Futterwacken
02-04-2016, 03:33 PM
I agree with what the user charisma said apart from being active on social media.

If you want to attract the type of man that scours Facebook/the Internet and approaches and chats to women in khulwa online, then go ahead. A respectable, pious dignified man actually wouldn't be attracted to a woman who displays herself online. Don't compromise your standards just out of desperation.

If these 'good guys' and 'good sisters' found their spouses by breaking islamic boundaries, the maybe they aren't so good after all. Don't be influenced by what others are doing. They got a sub standard marriage because it started off with haraam. Know your standards and stick to them.

Stick to the traditional, halal routes. Let people know that you are single and looking to get married. So people know that there is a sister A'isha etc and that she is single. I wouldn't advise using social media to express yourself and attract a man. Unless you like the idea of marrying a man that is active on social media and is happy to chat up women online. Getting to know someone online is a farce, stick to the organic ways.

I also suggest working on your self esteem, and not panicking about becoming older and being single to the extent where you are willing to do something that you know is beneath you. Becoming older or being single doesn't reduce your worth in any way. It's in Allahs hands.
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Futterwacken
02-04-2016, 04:18 PM
also want to add, putting your picture online on any type of social media even with proper hijab, is cheap. Especially for a woman. You become one profile out of thousands of females profiles, free for anyones viewing and open to mens judgement to click, have a look, and press next. The same goes for a these 'islamic' matrionial websites, it's like a cattle market. Haraam and undiginified and doesn't befit the honour Allah has given women through Islam.
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