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basamasmile
02-20-2016, 09:30 PM
Salaam!
I know this is like my third day in a row posting, but I have so many questions about things, so please bear with me! One of the issues that I'm facing is hijab. I want to wear it, I really do, but I feel like I can't because of my parents. It's not that they won't let me, per say, but they're kind of guilt tripping me into not wearing it. I've only been looking into Islam for about 5 months, so part of me also wonders if it's too soon to start making a public declaration of my faith. I don't know what to do, and I feel so conflicted. I want to take it slowly and respect my parents wishes, but part of me also just wants to be able to follow my faith on my own terms.
I feel so conflicted, and I'm always feeling so guilty. The thought of my parents seeing a scarf on my head makes me feel horrible beyond words. I wore it once a couple months ago, and my father would barely speak to me. My mother also kept bringing up how the hijab will effect my grades, and I need to be focusing on schoolwork instead of Islam (I have A's and B's in high level classes, so it isn't like I'm failing out of school or anything. Anyways, just venting, and any advice or support would be amazing!
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Kiro
02-20-2016, 09:44 PM
yo ppl answer the questionerr
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Deeni Akh
02-20-2016, 09:53 PM
Originally Posted by basamasmile
Salaam!
I know this is like my third day in a row posting, but I have so many questions about things, so please bear with me! One of the issues that I'm facing is hijab. I want to wear it, I really do, but I feel like I can't because of my parents. It's not that they won't let me, per say, but they're kind of guilt tripping me into not wearing it. I've only been looking into Islam for about 5 months, so part of me also wonders if it's too soon to start making a public declaration of my faith. I don't know what to do, and I feel so conflicted. I want to take it slowly and respect my parents wishes, but part of me also just wants to be able to follow my faith on my own terms.
I feel so conflicted, and I'm always feeling so guilty. The thought of my parents seeing a scarf on my head makes me feel horrible beyond words. I wore it once a couple months ago, and my father would barely speak to me. My mother also kept bringing up how the hijab will effect my grades, and I need to be focusing on schoolwork instead of Islam (I have A's and B's in high level classes, so it isn't like I'm failing out of school or anything. Anyways, just venting, and any advice or support would be amazing!
May Allah make it easy for you.

You will have to be brave and take the first step into wearing it insha'Allah. Your parents may get upset at first but they will get over it. And look at who you're pleasing when you wear it, your creator ;)

All it needs is the first step and Allah will make everything else easy. I can't tell you how many times I've taken the first step in things and Allah just put everything else in place.

May Allah give you tawfeeq.
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basamasmile
02-20-2016, 11:50 PM
Salaam Aleikum everyone!
I know this is my third post in three days, but I have so many questions about navigating the world as a new Muslim, so please bear with me. I'm having a problem because I really, really want to wear hijab. I think that it will enhance my faith and give me a closer connection with Allah SWT. But the problem is my parents. It isn't that they won't let me per say, but they're kind of guilt tripping me into not wearing it by using silence and or mentioning me grades (which are A's and B's in high level classes), or talking about how I'm "going against my family's values." I also don't know if it's too soon to put the hijab on. I've only been looking into Islam for 5 months (and officially converted 2 days ago), so part of me thinks that I should wait, especially because I'm so young. It feels like anything I do is wrong. Not putting on the hijab makes me feel like I'm hiding my faith, and I have to cover up who I am. But thinking of putting on the hijab, I get close to tears when thinking of how my family will respond. I just don't know what to do, and I feel so stuck. Any advice on what I should do hijab-wise?
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02-21-2016, 02:38 AM
:bism:

:sl:

Sweetie, I wonder if I'm honestly the best person to give you advice, because although I do wear the hijab, lately, I've been struggling with the hijab. The truth is no one can decide this for you, because although this is a beautiful command of hijab, the command, like any other command, takes courage and strength to follow. Only you know how ready you are, and no one can honestly decide this for you; only you yourself can decide if this is the right time for you to wear hijab.

What I will tell you is that initially when I stared wearing the hijab, I felt happy because I was following this beautiful command of Allah. For me, this act of wearing hijab was observing "I love you" to Allah because this was a jihad (struggle) for me against my own vanity and my egoistic desires. So, yes, hijab is beautiful, but hijab is comparable to a "rose" and like with any rose there are "thorns" too.

So, I'll now mention the flip side, the "thorns" if you will. I noticed a big difference in how I behaved because this is not a clothing like any other. I was conscious this is a beautiful command of Allah and I'm now, whether I want or not, a representative of Islam to whomever I happen to interact. What that meant is that it forced me to slow myself down further, to beautify my manners and character further. I started making duas that if I make a mistake that people not be driven away from Islam as a result of my own mistakes and faults, because I was scared I might inadvertently do/say something that might give people the wrong impression of Islam. So, I think that's a good side, but honestly, not easy.

Though later, I did get less conscious so that I didn't even notice the hijab, the fact that Muslims and Islam is so much in the media, I have to tell you that I'm struggling so much now because I know that Muslims and Islam have a bad reputation in the media and among common Americans. I have not had any bad incident happen to me Alhamdhullilah (thanks, praise, and credit to God), and yet I am aware that there are other Muslim women who have not been as fortunate. Also, my father accepted the hijab, and yet my mom never has; she has resigned herself to me wearing hijab, and I only draw support from Allah SubhanAllahwaTaala (Glorious and Exalted is God) to wear hijab.

I'll also let you in on on the secret that finally gave me the strength to wearing the hijab. This hadith (prophetic saying/tradition): "Whoever sought the pleasure of Allah though it was displeasing to the people then Allah becomes pleased with him, and will make the people please with him, and whoever sought the pleasure of the people though it was displeasing to Allah then Allah becomes displeased with him and will make the people displeased with him" (Ibn Hibban/ Tirmidhi.) This hadith finally gave me the strength when I'd been praying one Shahru Ramadan once to give me that strength to wear hijab.

Also, another incident convinced me to wear the hijab is when I'd been on a bus, this lady had been speaking badly about Islam and Muslims. I had been feeling bad inside of myself because I didn't know how to respond, and since I didn't wear the hijab, I realized I hadn't been identified as a Muslim. I think she'd liked me as a person and yet I'd wondered what her reaction would have been if I'd been wearing the hijab, and then I realized that I wanted to wear the hijab because I didn't want to hide my identity as if I am ashamed because my fault (if this can be called a fault) is only in loving Islam and Prophet Muhammad :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him). I think the woman later recognized that I was a Muslim, but that incident cast an indelible impression on my mind, and I knew that I wanted to take a stand somehow.

My mom had threatened, from what I remember, that she'd stop talking to me if I ever wore the hijab. I am actually very close to my mom; so, I was seriously afraid of my mom's reaction the first time I'd officially worn the hijab (though I'd started practicing with hoodies before doing so). So, I was fully prepared for my mom to be angry and refuse to talk to me, but instead, lol, she simply made a face. I was surprised, because honestly, I thought I'd have more of a reaction.

That said, my mom has calmed down since the beginning when I'd first expressed this desire, though sometimes she does cajole me against wearing the hijab, and I've learned to crack a joke or change the subject. I've also learned to be assertive about my hijab and had a conversation (for which I prayed to God would go well before I'd had the conversation) with her about why wearing the hijab is important to me, and I think she understands even if she still dislikes generally hijab. Sometimes, she still warns me about the consequences of wearing hijab, like not being able to get a job or someone not marrying me, and I understand all her concerns. I respect that she's coming from a place of love and concern; so, I try to address her concerns in a calm and reasoned manner.

Honestly, I think your parents will be against you wearing the hijab too in the beginning; and that's understandable for more than one reason, especially as you live in the U.S. So, if you decide to do this, you'll have to be sure to give them extra love and assurances that you're making an informed decision, that you still love them, because your parents will fear that you're changing in some kind of alien direction, and they won't know the you you're coming. So, you'll have to show them that you're still the you that they love even and that wearing hijab is simply a natural progression of your love and obedience to God.

All that said, please do not feel pressured to wear the hijab; nobody can tell you what the right time to wear hijab is. Ask Allah SWT to guide you in this matter and also for your parents to support you in wearing the hijab and trust that Allah SWT loves you and trust Allah SWT to give you what you need to make this decision. Also, if you feel okay about this, I can talk to your parents on SKYPE and I can discuss with them anything and happily answer any concerns they might have; I want to say, most of all, though that I support you in any decision you make on this matter, and this decision should ultimately be simply between you and Allah and out of whatever sentiments you feel sincerely in your heart. So, the ball's in your court, sweetie.

:wa:

Originally Posted by basamasmile
Salaam Aleikum everyone!
I know this is my third post in three days, but I have so many questions about navigating the world as a new Muslim, so please bear with me. I'm having a problem because I really, really want to wear hijab. I think that it will enhance my faith and give me a closer connection with Allah SWT. But the problem is my parents. It isn't that they won't let me per say, but they're kind of guilt tripping me into not wearing it by using silence and or mentioning me grades (which are A's and B's in high level classes), or talking about how I'm "going against my family's values." I also don't know if it's too soon to put the hijab on. I've only been looking into Islam for 5 months (and officially converted 2 days ago), so part of me thinks that I should wait, especially because I'm so young. It feels like anything I do is wrong. Not putting on the hijab makes me feel like I'm hiding my faith, and I have to cover up who I am. But thinking of putting on the hijab, I get close to tears when thinking of how my family will respond. I just don't know what to do, and I feel so stuck. Any advice on what I should do hijab-wise?
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azc
02-21-2016, 03:32 AM
May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen
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emem
02-21-2016, 08:32 AM
I hope they will soon understand. They will, InshaAllah. I think you should seek Allah's(swt) help and guidance, try to pray to him to tell you what to do. Alhamdullilah.
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Paprika
02-22-2016, 11:03 AM
take it easy then basamasama, but if your parents don't want to accept it now, I don't see why they will accept it later, maybe wear it sometimes and sometimes don't would be better if you could wear it outdoors all the time, not necessary to wear indoors.
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muslimah_B
05-14-2016, 09:20 PM
Originally Posted by basamasmile
Salaam!
I know this is like my third day in a row posting, but I have so many questions about things, so please bear with me! One of the issues that I'm facing is hijab. I want to wear it, I really do, but I feel like I can't because of my parents. It's not that they won't let me, per say, but they're kind of guilt tripping me into not wearing it. I've only been looking into Islam for about 5 months, so part of me also wonders if it's too soon to start making a public declaration of my faith. I don't know what to do, and I feel so conflicted. I want to take it slowly and respect my parents wishes, but part of me also just wants to be able to follow my faith on my own terms.
I feel so conflicted, and I'm always feeling so guilty. The thought of my parents seeing a scarf on my head makes me feel horrible beyond words. I wore it once a couple months ago, and my father would barely speak to me. My mother also kept bringing up how the hijab will effect my grades, and I need to be focusing on schoolwork instead of Islam (I have A's and B's in high level classes, so it isn't like I'm failing out of school or anything. Anyways, just venting, and any advice or support would be amazing!
Asalam alaykum

I went through that, when i first reverted before i told them i use to cover when i went outside the house then take it off before i went inside, then i just like why am i hiding who i am, i am a muslim, i love my deen and i love Allah and i love my hijab.. (it does help when you tell yourself that)
(Well i did get kicked out but it happens sometimes)
But now 3 years later i go outside with my niqab on with my mum as i just plain refuse to go outside without it lol.

Honeslty you just have to put your foot down and let them know that this is you, this is what you believe in and you will not change that for anything (ofcourse in the best of manners and politely)
If you need any help or support pls feel free to msg in sha Allah x
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Bhabha
05-14-2016, 09:28 PM
It's quite interesting that Western liberal societies pride themselves on allowing freedom and liberty into the decisions that their population makes, their choices and as such the freedom that should be provided towards children of people within these Western liberal democracies. However, that freedom and that liberty is contingent on your choice to commit to certain beliefs or values that have not been framed as a threat.

You live in the United States, the United States itself is supposed to be this "beam" of freedom for the entire world, at least that's what the movies tell us ^o) It's a funny thing to see where the freedom, liberty and equality stops.
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muslimah_B
05-14-2016, 09:50 PM
It stops when it comes to islam tbh.
Its the same in the uk, womens rights etc etc but yet there are talks in the government of banning the niqab
If a woman has a right to wear next to nothing on, why cant another women fully cover herself if she chooses.
I find it absolutely disgusting tbh even in "muslim" countries bans on niqab... la illaha illallah!!!
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Pygoscelis
05-14-2016, 10:07 PM
Search,

Your experience on the bus may have been an interesting opportunity. Did you tell the lady you are a muslim? If she gave you the chance to show her you are likeable and then sprang that you are a muslima on her, it may just change how she sees muslims.

I have done the same being an atheist. Befriended a few people with no mention of it and then when they later learned it, they were suprised I didnt have horns and a pointy tail :-P

It is a bigotry popping tactic that can't be done with race, but can be done with religion, nationality, sexual orientation, etc.
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Pygoscelis
05-15-2016, 02:00 AM
I support any muslima's right to wear hajib or burka or whatever else she wants, but I do find it hard to have sympathy for muslimas who would turn right around and ban nudists if it were up to them.
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Search
05-15-2016, 11:45 AM
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

Originally Posted by Pygoscelis
I have done the same being an atheist. Befriended a few people with no mention of it and then when they later learned it, they were suprised I didnt have horns and a pointy tail :-P
Haha - I'm surprised the myth persists that atheists have horns and a pointy tail.

I can't remember now whether I told her I was Muslim or not, but I think the girl that was sitting with me realized I was as we'd discussed so and she must have said something to her because then the woman became more circumspect in what she was saying.

Thanks for your post - made me lol.
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