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Mustafa16
04-03-2016, 03:49 PM
I am 17, and my mother has a friend whose daughter is 13, and we hung out a few times, like when me and my mom went over to their house.....and when we saw each other at a Turkish american cultural center.....I might be seeing her today, as there is another event at the center today, and if not, on april 23rd for turkish sovereignty day.....and also on upcoming islamic holidays...
scholars say this is haram, and that free mixing is haram....but can't a boy and a girl just be friends without being alone or touching? and besides, she's only 13....if i dated her or did anything haram with her i would be in legal trouble and/or trouble with her father and mother...
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anatolian
04-03-2016, 03:58 PM
Just talking to opposite gender itself is not haram. It depends on what you talk or what you think while talking or what you aim with talking or like that...
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noraina
04-03-2016, 06:09 PM
Wa Alaykum Assalam

In Islam we must have great caution when being friends with someone from the opposite gender - however pure the intentions be the lines between being 'just friends' or something more are to blurred and easily crossed.
However, as long as you are not alone with her and if it is just occasionally I don't think there'll be any harm so long as you stay sensible in terms of conversation. Although I'd be cautious tbh about becoming too close a friend with her. Just my two cents.
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BeTheChange
04-03-2016, 06:41 PM
Asalamualykum,

Yes it is haraam to talk to the oppositie sex if there is no valid reason.

Your intentions may be pure but with time intentions may change and we don't always check our intentions 2/3 years down the line.

As believers we don't really need an explanation of why certain sins are haraam (forbidden) there is always blessings and wisdom behind everything.

Trust Allah swt and follow the rules in sha Allah you will succeed Ameen.
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Predator
04-03-2016, 06:57 PM
Originally Posted by BeTheChange
Asalamualykum,

Yes it is haraam to talk to the oppositie sex if there is no valid reason.
Can you provide the verse from the Quran which states that it is Haraam ?

For something to be Haraam,there has to be explicit text in scripture. One cannot simply pass judgement on what is haraam or not without proof.
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BeTheChange
04-03-2016, 07:32 PM
Originally Posted by Predator
Can you provide the verse from the Quran which states that it is Haraam ?

For something to be Haraam,there has to be explicit text in scripture. One cannot simply pass judgement on what is haraam or not without proof.
I hope the below quotations help. Jazahka Allah.

A lady can speak to the opposite gender when it is necessary and in an appropriate speech, Allah Almighty said,


{ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَ*ضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُ*وفًا}


'Translation' {Do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech} [Al-Ahzab: 32].


There are also hadiths on gender interaction, one of the most serious of which is:

“When a man and woman are alone together, Satan is the third.” [Tirmidhi]

Ibn ”Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard Allah”s Messenger (may peace be upon him) delivering a sermon and making this observation: “No person should be alone with a woman except when there is a Mahram with her, and the woman should not undertake journey except with a Mahram…” [Sahih Muslim, Book 7, Number 3110]

Source: http://islamqa.org/shafii/qibla-shafii/33045
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MuslimInshallah
04-03-2016, 07:50 PM
Assalaamu alaikum Mustafa,


Mmm... you say talking unnecessarily...

You know, beginning around this age, young women are the most attractive that they will ever be. And at the same time, they have not grown into their adult maturity. From what I have observed, girls go through what I call a dangerous age beginning around puberty and for about 3 years afterwards (dangerous to themselves). They are attractive, yet do not understand many things and tend to be impulsive. Even more dangerous, they tend to be convinced that they know everything and are old enough to take control of their own lives...

Young men around puberty plus about 3 years start to be hit with their adult sex drives, but without practice in putting on the brakes. They, too, tend to think that they are ready to take on the adult world. They too tend to be impulsive. (mildly) But, of course, they generally are not ready to take on the responsibilities of adult life.

(mildly) Putting aside the question of whether Allah has totally forbidden interactions with a person of the opposite sex or not... do you think that getting close with this young woman right now is wise...?

Personally, I am of the view that if someone is looking to get married, then a certain amount of interacting is a wise thing (particularly in societal contexts where getting to know the person you will marry is pretty much up to you, whether you like it or not). These interactions could be in public places, or with family around. Outside of this particular context, however, being friends with a person of the opposite sex can lead you places you did not expect, and that you could come to regret.

(smile) So I guess, Mustafa, that you need to ask yourself: do I think that I am ready and able to get married in the fairly near future with this young woman? If the answer is no... then do you think that it is wise for you to interact with her unnecessarily?


May Allah, the Restrainer, Help us to understand the wisdom of His Limits.
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Ummshareef
04-03-2016, 07:56 PM
:sl:

For your own and her good, stay away from her. Your intention may be honorable, but temptation can creep up later when you don't expect it.
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Predator
04-06-2016, 08:51 PM
A lady can speak to the opposite gender when it is necessary and in an appropriate speech, Allah Almighty said
What qualifies as neccessary. By unneccessary , does the Quran refer to rambling, driveling, blathering, or babbling

“When a man and woman are alone together, Satan is the third.” [Tirmidhi]

Ibn ”Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard Allah”s Messenger (may peace be upon him) delivering a sermon and making this observation: “No person should be alone with a woman except when there is a Mahram with her, and the woman should not undertake journey except with a Mahram…” [Sahih Muslim, Book 7, Number 3110]
Does this mean that man and woman can talk anything as long as there is a Mahram with woman ?

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Linkdeutscher
04-06-2016, 09:31 PM
Yes it is haraam if she is baaligh.

And she is. So avoid her.
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Linkdeutscher
04-06-2016, 09:32 PM
Originally Posted by anatolian
Just talking to opposite gender itself is not haram. It depends on what you talk or what you think while talking or what you aim with talking or like that...
This post gives off a very wrong message.
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anatolian
04-07-2016, 05:29 PM
Originally Posted by Linkdeutscher
This post gives off a very wrong message.
Salam. Don't you talk to women?
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sister herb
04-07-2016, 06:23 PM
https://islamqa.info/en/9465

Islam forbids a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman (one who is not his wife or a close relative) even if he is teaching her the Qur’aan, which is the Book of Allaah, That is because the Shaytaan (Satan) would come between them. The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present.” If this woman wants to hear about Islam and read about it in detail, she can look at books about Islam that have been translated into different languages, so she can take the language that she understands, then if she understands what attracts her to Islam, she can become Muslim. If she does not understand something and wants someone to explain it to her, it is permissible (for her to speak to a man) so long as there is no khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) involved – so she could have a mahram (close relative) with her, or a group of women, and the man should be a trustworthy Muslim, or a group of trustworthy men who could sit with this woman and teach her about Islam so that she can understand it and proof be established for her. This is permitted.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen

Allaah wants to make the Muslims pure, hence He forbade them all means that may lead to evil, immorality and obscenity. You know that if a man is alone with a woman and starts a relationship with her, this relationship often leads to bad consequences, and that being alone with a member of the opposite sex is the way to immorality and fornication. It is not permissible for a man to praise himself and say, “I will be not affected by being alone with a woman.” Islam does not allow the opportunity for things to get out hand; it keeps people away from the steps that might lead to that in the first place. The rulings of sharee’ah were revealed for all people, it is not the point that there are cases of khulwah which do not lead to haraam actions such as touching and kissing. Why should a person expose himself to temptation?

Is it not the truth that if a man is alone with a non-mahram woman and there is no one else present, that something may cross the mind of either of them, even if nothing actually happens. But frequent meetings may indeed lead to something happening.

In this case, sharee’ah closes all doors that may lead to evil.

If a woman needs to speak to a man for a genuine reason, or vice versa, then that may be achieved by sending letters, without having to meet, or they may meet from behind a screen, or in the presence of others so that no khulwah will be involved. This is provided that both are modest and wear concealing garments.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
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