A Woman who wishes to remain Anonymous wrote the following...

[Khalid Saifullah]

A Woman who wishes to remain Anonymous wrote the following, so others do not make the same mistake she made!

I am writing to you in order to make someone understand that it's good to appreciate our partners despite their flaws.

I am 32 years old. My ex hubby & I dated for six years, I started dating him whilst I was in grade 12, I was 19 years old. We were best of friends, I waited until he completed college and started work, my family and his family then met, we got married and had a son. (7 years old now).

My husband was short tempered at times, but our problems started when I wanted to make him feel he couldn't control me.

Every time we argued, I would pack my bags, go to my family and explain.

My sisters would phone my husband and shout at him. If he was controlling me I would always dare him that if he wished, he could divorce me. I never wanted divorce, I just had pride and I never wanted to look like a loose woman in his eyes.

One day I pushed him so hard that for the first time he beat me and locked me outside. I went to my family, my family took him to the police, every time I looked like I was being abused! But to be honest, I used to abuse my husband emotionally. He was arrested and detained. I was asked by his family to withdraw the case, I felt that what I was doing was wrong..... so I withdrew it.

My husband was never a violent man, he did what he did because I pushed him to the wall .... but he openly knelt down and apologized. I withdrew the charge, and we reconciled. After three months, I packed my bags after a small issue, and he remained alone.

After two days I received a call that he was in the hospital, my family told me that I shouldn't go there because it would look like I was begging him, and my sisters believed he was feigning the illness. All this time, people felt sorry for me like I was the one being abused. He spent a week in the hospital, after he came out, I just received a divorce summon.

I wanted to say no to divorce, but because I felt this pride, I wanted him to change his mind and beg me. I called him and said he would get the divorce because I lived like I was in hell. When we went to court, I wanted to make him pay, so I told the court that I needed his properties to be shared.

To my surprise, he openly told the court that whatever he and I acquired together should be given to me, all he wanted was divorce.

We were divorced in 2009 July.

Now, this Saturday (today) my husband is marrying, whilst l am here wasted! My family members are gossiping about me, I depend on what my ex gives to my son for survival. I know I wasted my marriage and my pride led me to destruction.

I am here telling all wives that they should be careful how they get advise.

Don't be cheated, don't entertain family interference in your marriage my dear reader. Even my young sisters are much more respected than me. Those who encouraged me to get divorced are always teasing and bad mouthing me.

Please ladies be vigilant in your marriage.

I Thought it wise to share my story to save your marriage. There is no benefit in pride for nothing.

[Serinity]

:salam:

This goes for both of us. Self-realisation that someone has to take the duty / responsibility of maintaining the house etc. Both husband and wife has to self-realise that it is not always about them. But about the other. To please eachother for the sake of Allah.

When you start doing things for the sake of Allah, you do what is Islamically acceptable etc. The husband focuses on his spouse's rights, the spouse on her husband's right. In order to please Allah. You minimize the expectations from your spouse, while you still do your best, for Allah's sake. Both husband and wife should do this. That way, when we desire to please our spouses for the sake of Allah. we get, In shaa' Allah, a more prosporous marriage.

There is also much less burden in trying to do things for Allah's sake, cuz you don't constantly think "when will he thank me? Why doesn't he listen!" etc. Cuz you know the reward is with your Lord, Allah.

You do your best in pleasing your spouse, make it an ibadah by starting with Bismillah, and for Allah's sake. Do it for Allah's sake. Loving eachother for Allah's sake. etc.

Please correct me if I am wrong, as your brother in Islam. :)