So how do Muslims get married?

[noraina]

Assalamu Alaykum,

How do you answer this question? If I am meeting old school friends, or if I'm going to take exams or revising in the park with other students, one of the favourite topics of 17-year-old girls is, well, relationships. In a place where there are not many Muslims, people really have no idea of our beliefs and values, and explaining things like this without seeming ridiculous or old fashioned is a challenge. Most peers know how I am but some of them are really interested in Islam so hey when I can I do dawah and tell them how Islam is ;)

Take this example, when I do say I've never had a boyfriend and neither do I want one, the first assumption is that you're a lesbian (astaghfirullah) :o And it leads to a long-winded explanation that no, Muslims are humans, we may feel attracted to the opposite gender, but that is what lowering the gaze is all about and ultimately we want to get married one day inshaAllah on the basis of your spouse being the first and last person you'll ever be in a 'relationship' with. They can't get their head around that.

Arranged marriages have really negative connotations where I live, and not all Muslim marriages are arranged anyway, so I've come up with the explanation that parents, family, friends, whatever suggest prospective partners, you have a chaperoned meeting with them, strictly nothing like dating or kissing beforehand, if you like them you get married. Hard to generalise the 'Islamic' way of arranging marriages but that sounds fairly accurate, right?

This probably sounds like a small thing but at my age this is a major subject I am asked about so often, lol, even by my cousins who are not practising Muslims. People seem to think self-control in this department is impossible so if by your 18th birthday you haven't had a couple of intimate relationships something is wrong with you.

How would you explain the way Muslims get married? How do people get married in your culture/community?

[Serinity]

:salam:

Tbh, I don't know. you visit the Masjid?

[noraina]

No idea, bro. What would you do if you wanted to get married? Would you go for an arranged marriage or look for a spouse yourself, like with your family's consent and in a halal way of course, but have more say in it?

[Serinity]

No idea, bro. What would you do if you wanted to get married? Would you go for an arranged marriage or look for a spouse yourself, like with your family's consent and in a halal way of course, but have more say in it?

I'd go with 2 options:

A. I do an arranged marriage with my requirment written. Like what I need, etc.

B. Search a wife and ask my mom to go and ask. I think.

But my question is, one has to lower their gaze. But how does one find a wife, if they'll have to lower the gaze?

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[anatolian]

But my question is, one has to lower their gaze. But how does one find a wife, if they'll have to lower the gaze?

Salam bro. Lowering gaze doesnt mean you cannot talk to opposite gender or even you cannot like the person. It means when you are talking to opposite gender being able to lower your sexual desires and talk to that person with mind.

[BilalKid]

halal through parents :shade:

[noraina]

That is how I'm planning to get married, :) inshaAllah arranged by my parents. Just wondering if this is how most Muslims get married and how I should say it.

[noraina]

I know, a question for any married brothers and sisters. :D How did you get married?

[Kiro]

got to a masjid and ask an imam
ask same genders in the masjid

[Bhabha]

That is how I'm planning to get married, :) inshaAllah arranged by my parents. Just wondering if this is how most Muslims get married and how I should say it.

I would also love for my parents to find my husband. But she's not Muslim [emoji28][emoji44]

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[strivingobserver98]

:sl:

You can get married in many ways alhamdulilah :). Many have found their spouse through college, family gatherings, friends, community events or even on the street :D.

Most importantly make Dua and maybe Allah :swt: will open doors from places would have never imagined.

If you just limit your self on just relying on parents to find you someone. They might pick up cousin Ajmal from Pakistan who is not to your liking :O.

Keep your options open :ia:. Attend lectures, knowledge circles, volunteer in activities and network with other sisters. Hopefully that opens up more doors.

There was a story of a Shaykh, he went past the hallway and there was a woman with long abaya on. He asked his friends "Is she married", they said "No"...

Listen to full story of the Shaykh below:

[noraina]

True, jazakAllah khayr for sharing this, :)

You never know how or when Allah SWT will bring that one person into your life, so you should never despair or feel rushed to get married, in cases like this patience goes a long way.

Although, as far as a Muslim like me is concerned, I am most likely going to get married to my cousin from Pakistan :Emoji7: Although, Alhamdulillah, in my case, I don't mind. But who honestly knows what their future holds in store for them?

Although that was why I was wondering, in my community 95% of marriages are arranged, just interesting to see if other Muslims got married in this way, or how you manage to find your own spouse while keeping it halal.

[strivingobserver98]

Although that was why I was wondering, in my community 95% of marriages are arranged, just interesting to see if other Muslims got married in this way, or how you manage to find your own spouse while keeping it halal.

Same kinda thing with my community.

Let's say if someone met in an Islamic event, a brother had interest in a sister. To keep it halal you would have boundaries and always have parents involved from beginning :).

If you come across a guy who's not serious, just say here's my number 07294... Fear Allah! :outta:

Omar Esa's reply to "How did you get married so quickly?"

People ask me 'Omar how did you get married so quickly, you got married to your wife within a month of meeting her and you spoke to her via email before marriage and you only met her twice before marrying her'

My reply is simple, I put my whole entire faith into Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) for my marriage and I knew Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) would give me the best wife Mash'Allah tabarakAllah. When a believer puts his faith sincerely with Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) only good will come from it.

:ma:.

[noraina]

Ma'sha'Allah, may Allah SWT bless them with many years of happiness and companionship.

To unnecessarily prolong that period before marriage, when you are interested in one another already, should be avoided. Long engagements or courtships will lead to more problems than not.

I remember when my father's friend's son had met a sister he liked, they had known one another for a couple of months and both families approved, so when the son said he wanted an engagement, his father said ' if you're serious be a man and do nikah'. :D They had the nikah done the next week and have two small kids now, ma'sha'Allah.

[anatolian]

To keep it halal you would have boundaries and always have parents involved from beginning :)

Salam bro. I agree with the boundaries part but what if these two people dont have parents? Or their parents dont want this marriage because of a personal choice ?

[strivingobserver98]

To unnecessarily prolong that period before marriage, when you are interested in one another already, should be avoided. Long engagements or courtships will lead to more problems than not.

True.

Sometimes it can be inevitable though for example if the other person has to study, parents want to delay, too young etc.

But when they finally do get married at the end it's rewarding because of all that patience of waiting subhan Allah :).

I remember when my father's friend's son had met a sister he liked, they had known one another for a couple of months and both families approved, so when the son said he wanted an engagement, his father said ' if you're serious be a man and do nikah'. They had the nikah done the next week and have two small kids now, ma'sha'Allah.

:ma: :D.

May Allah bless their kids, ameen :).

[noraina]

True.

Sometimes it can be inevitable though for example if the other person has to study, parents want to delay, too young etc.

But when the finally do get married at the end it's rewarding because of all that patience of waiting subhan Allah .

That's a fair point. I suppose however your husband or wife comes into your life, and however long you may have to wait for them, that they are with you is all that matters in the end. :)

[strivingobserver98]

That's a fair point. I suppose however your husband or wife comes into your life, and however long you may have to wait for them, that they are with you is all that matters in the end. :)

Yup forever and together in Jannah :ia: :).

Salam bro. I agree with the boundaries part but what if these two people dont have parents? Or their parents dont want this marriage because of a personal choice ?

:wa:

What do you mean by first part?

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Messenger of Allah :saws: said “when one with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage then accede to his request. If you do not do so then there will be temptation in the earth and extensive corruption”. (Tirmidhi)

[anatolian]

:wa:

What do you mean by first part?

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Messenger of Allah :saws: said “when one with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage then accede to his request. If you do not do so then there will be temptation in the earth and extensive corruption”. (Tirmidhi)

I didnt say first part I said the boundaries part. I mean I agree there must be boundaries between the two who want to marry. However, you said always have parents involved from beginning but what if they dont have parents or their parent dont want them to marry? What will be then?

[ConcealedGem]

That's a fair point. I suppose however your husband or wife comes into your life, and however long you may have to wait for them, that they are with you is all that matters in the end. :)

It's amazing how before we were even born and before the world was even created Allah azzawajal paired us all up, سبحان الله thats so amazing, can't wait to thank Allah directly for all the good his given us in sha Allah. ❤️❤️

[strivingobserver98]

I didnt say first part I said the boundaries part. I mean I agree there must be boundaries between the two who want to marry. However, you said always have parents involved from beginning but what if they dont have parents or their parent dont want them to marry? What will be then?

Best to ask scholar for your first question :).

If parents don't want them to marry it depends on the reason:

If the father/ mother is aware then they should ensure that there is a successful outcome and if there is compatibility between the couple, they should try and ensure that the marriage takes place as soon as possible. Mere excuses, such as they are from a lower cast etc are not acceptable. However, valid reasons such as religion must be taken in to account.

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