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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 12:47 AM
edit: its in my last post..........

continued from :http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...se-help-3.html


i'm sorry......what i told you guys was only blood tests, they got my something called CFS some thingy related to some spinal fluid or ...i dont know some thingies... test done later the same night. i've got bone marrow biospy or aspiration or something like that test today. sorry i didn't know that before. actually i know nothing about biology. but thats not my fault...i mean it is but ...well i'm not studying bio in 9th grade and i skipped 8th grade so yeah i pretty much dont understand anything that is written in those tests.

i'm sorry, the bone marrow transplant i talked off was actually some kind of bone marrow test or aspiration or whatever you call.

anyways this stuff is really all over my head. i need to know some stuff from you guys

firstly, if this luekema thing is confirmed my grandmother already got tickets for wales, that means i have to go to wales for this transplant thing, actually the city that i'm living in currently does not have any cancer hospitals, and the nearest one is in i guess 1 hour 20-30 min drive. which is the doctors say not good for me.(actually i think they're exagerrating cz i dont really feel any kind of pain or something...) and our flight is on the 6th of may. obviously she couldn't get them booked so fast so there are going to be multiple stops. ....i guess we're going to reach in 2 days or something;D

i still cant believe this stuff....its the fourth day cancer cancer cancer everywhere! i feel like everything else...that i've ever done or dreamt off means nothing! this stupid thing ruined everything! i've not cried yet, but i feel like thats because i still cant really accept what is going on! i kinda laughing at myself!

i dont clearly understand what they're talking off( cz they be speaking so fast spanish!) but my grandmother wants me to go to wales with my grandfather( my mom cant come because my brother got exams on the 5th and they end on 17th so....).... ....but i dont really understand .....like ok maybe he can be my legal gaurdian but ....i've never met him before and i dont really know if that is acceptable in islam, i mean keeping in mind i was adopted....is it ok?
(i'm not really sure if thats the case, but that was my level of understanding and i cant dare to ask my grandmother because she is really rude and mean to me and my mom starts crying and cursing me whenever i'm around her or ask her something)

and i might need to talk to some of the sisters in the uk( i know there are no welsh here from :http://www.islamicboard.com/misc-lan...ml#post2891195
, in case if i'm going there. i'll PM you my contact number once i'm there. i got crazy dumb questions to ask or maybe discuss....( i know @~sabr~ , i'm already counting on you, but trust me you'll get tired, lets divide some of the work load huh?)
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ReboundMuslimah
05-03-2016, 01:04 AM
As- Salamu Alaykum sister Ramen,

Sorry to hear about your situation inshallah i will keep you in my prayers. I don't live in the UK but if you ever need anyone to talk to just PM me:)
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 01:30 AM
@Serinity . well...i dont really remember...i mean if i knew they were symptoms of cancer obvioulsy i would have done something about it earlier. the kind of symptoms the doctors talked off was stuff like lack of white blood cells and other stuff...some of the symptoms i know off ..i mean the fever and throwing up of blood while coughing and bleeding gums all the time...i guess some months probably. i dont really remember sorry.

@sister herb , thank you sis, but i'd be happier if you made dua i get rid of this thing fast, by dying or by recovering doesn't matter ..but the kind of treatment my class mates gave me after i told them....aggghhhh...i dont want to live with that! i want to be playing basket ball and eating chipps and chocolate! and i want to start off with my dreams...( that are personnal:nervous:)

@Aisha yeah you're right, i guess i cleared up that stuff in the OP.

@hisnameiszzz . i dont know in which stage am i, but i already have to travel for over one hour to the hospital, i dont have any more relatives here( and we're not here permenantly) so no we cant move to another city and the doctors think its better to get the transplant thing done in wales cz its more better than in pakistan and....*stuff i dont understand*....
i wish my mom and my brother understood that ....but they dont and i'm used to it. i already know that, so dont worry that is not an issue.

@Muslim Woman . i guess praying and reciting quran are like the only things i can do. i dont understand any of this medical stuff any road! thanks for the information too. but i read he actually refused to get treatment too( maybe for some time cz of house arrest but not always). anyway that is non of my concern. i did what you guys asked for and i'm grateful for that.

uncle @ardianto , hope and faith are guess all i got right now. uhhh u made me think over my username..i feel like changing it back to meentajir...why isn't it happening...why does ir not meet the forum's standards ?? ...lets not talk about the people around. they're hating me so much right now. thos is a really bad time to discover you got cancer. i mean you're in a different country, people get to know the crazy stupid part of you n then u turn out to be sick and they be having sympathies for u...and when your brother got his o'levels exams! and stuff...

@sam789 , i dont know u much, but thanks for your concern, i mean a lot! previously, the symptoms on the internet and the ocnologist talked off(i guess i exaggerrated the time there a bit, sorry. i guess they have been along for some months only):
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
all the symptoms that the oncologist mentioned....well they have been along for a year and a half now. i hid the throwing up of blood while coughing thing because it was really disgusting, i was happy about not getting fat even though i ate 24/7. i thought the pains came from the fact i had to go to work and school and some martail arts classes too. i was so much used to the fever, previously my class mates called me flu.
other symptoms these doctors mentioned, that i can see clearly include the bleeding of gums etc

@anatolian .brother i'll tell u soon when i figure out stuff myself. my head is really all messed up right now. he didn't say i can wait, but that it would be better if i go back to wales asap and get the treatment and bone marrow transplant and stuff done there.
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Eric H
05-03-2016, 07:13 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

firstly, if this luekema thing is confirmed my grandmother already got tickets for wales, that means i have to go to wales for this transplant thing,
My thoughts are not about cancer, but about you making up with your mum before you leave. Tell your mum you love her, thank her for adopting you, thank her for looking after you, give her a hug, tell her you are frightened or how you are TRUTHFULLY feelings, say sorry for anything you need to say sorry for.

Your mother possibly cries because she does not know what to say to you, or how to reassure you or give you hope. As a parent I would rather go through this cancer pain myself, rather than see any of my children go through it. It is incredibly difficult being a parent, it is difficult being 14, we have to make allowances for each other, search for all the good things about your mother. Fight all battles with loving kindness.

Find ways to make up with your brother, say you are sorry for any past conflicts and misunderstandings, say you hope we can get on better in future.

This is something you can do now, whereas you can do nothing about the cancer now, that is in the hands of Allah and the doctors.

If you do not try and make up before you leave, this will cause you as much worry as the cancer.

You are in my prayers.

May Allah bless you and your family

Eric
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~ Sabr ~
05-03-2016, 07:25 AM
:salamext:

Sister, have you thought about this the other way? Maybe you have cancer because Allaah loves you and wants you to come back to Him sooner?
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Serinity
05-03-2016, 08:28 AM
Sister, no matter what happens, know that you are blessed. Never loosen the grip. Hold on to Allah SWT. He SWT is testing you.

May Allah, The Most Merciful, reward you tremendously. And keep all kind of unpleasant pains away. Ameen. And for every pain you feel, may Allah expiate your sins, and raise your level in The Hereafter and gather you amongst The Prophets AS, Shaheeds, etc. Ameen.

No matter what you feel, pain or not, Allah SWT loves you, In shaa' Allah. May Allah SWT's love overshadow the pain you feel. Ameen.
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 09:35 AM
thank you all so much. i just came back from school and i'm not in a mood to talk about cancer!


but i need to talk... here: http://www.islamicboard.com/groups/talk-to-me-.html
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 12:53 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



My thoughts are not about cancer, but about you making up with your mum before you leave. Tell your mum you love her, thank her for adopting you, thank her for looking after you, give her a hug, tell her you are frightened or how you are TRUTHFULLY feelings, say sorry for anything you need to say sorry for.

Your mother possibly cries because she does not know what to say to you, or how to reassure you or give you hope. As a parent I would rather go through this cancer pain myself, rather than see any of my children go through it. It is incredibly difficult being a parent, it is difficult being 14, we have to make allowances for each other, search for all the good things about your mother. Fight all battles with loving kindness.

Find ways to make up with your brother, say you are sorry for any past conflicts and misunderstandings, say you hope we can get on better in future.

This is something you can do now, whereas you can do nothing about the cancer now, that is in the hands of Allah and the doctors.

If you do not try and make up before you leave, this will cause you as much worry as the cancer.

You are in my prayers.

May Allah bless you and your family

Eric
thanks alot.

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off. i tried today again, as i had absolutely nothing to do and this time my grandmother slapped me in the face and asked me to get lost and they both started yelling at me stuff like everybody hates you. die. Allah hates u. he'll never listen to u. i dont know when i'll get rid of u and blah blah blah.

i tried to talk to my brother but he's too busy revising for his tomorrows exam. i still tried but he be like do me a favour, leave me alone!

i seriously dont know what to do. i feel like if i kill myself, everything will be a lot easier and better. no more worries and illnesses and abuse and nonsense and waiting and false hopes and no nothing!

the worst part is, nobody cares! everyones like o you can talk to me, i'll pray for you, dont give up hope. and then...theres nobody!

i had not cried until now,well actually i guess i was still not believing what just happened but today i cant take this any more.
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 12:54 PM
Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
:salamext:

Sister, have you thought about this the other way? Maybe you have cancer because Allaah loves you and wants you to come back to Him sooner?
i really want to die. i really do. i hope its sooner than i think inshahallah.
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Aisha
05-03-2016, 01:03 PM
^And what if your Akhirah is a thousand times more difficult than this world? You'll only have yourself to blame if you spend eternity in difficulty.

I'm really confused here. Do you go to school in Wales or Pakistan? You've mentioned working in Wales.. I'm surprised anyone would employ a 14 year old as there are lots of laws to consider.

As yet, you have not been diagnosed so it would be wise to think positive. It's unlikely you've had leaukemia for over a year - it's a very aggressive form of cancer and quite simply, you wouldn't be posting here if you had it.
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 01:05 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Sister, no matter what happens, know that you are blessed. Never loosen the grip. Hold on to Allah SWT. He SWT is testing you.

May Allah, The Most Merciful, reward you tremendously. And keep all kind of unpleasant pains away. Ameen. And for every pain you feel, may Allah expiate your sins, and raise your level in The Hereafter and gather you amongst The Prophets AS, Shaheeds, etc. Ameen.

No matter what you feel, pain or not, Allah SWT loves you, In shaa' Allah. May Allah SWT's love overshadow the pain you feel. Ameen.
all i've been doing all along is hold on to ALLAH swt. I DID SO MUCH AND LEFT SO MUCH ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ISLAM, FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH'S MERCY, FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND A BETTER AFTER LIFE. AND IT ALL ENDS LIKE THAT???

HOW DO I KNOW ALLAH SWT LOVES ME???? I FEEL LIKE HE'S IGNORING ME!

i feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff and i cant do anything about it!
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 01:14 PM
Originally Posted by Aisha
^And what if your Akhirah is a thousand times more difficult than this world? You'll only have yourself to blame if you spend eternity in difficulty.

I'm really confused here. Do you go to school in Wales or Pakistan? You've mentioned working in Wales.. I'm surprised anyone would employ a 14 year old as there are lots of laws to consider.

As yet, you have not been diagnosed so it would be wise to think positive. It's unlikely you've had leaukemia for over a year - it's a very aggressive form of cancer and quite simply, you wouldn't be posting here if you had it.
i really dont want that.......
sister i came to pakistan 3 months back. so yeah i go to school in pakistan. its not like i was working at some ....i worked at an oldhome( all i did was help those very old people in blah blah blah). i got £2.5 for an hour.....

they did the bone marrow aspiration today and in about 30-40 min we'll get the ............:hiding:

sister the only thing that i'm doing now is sitting in my room, with my laptop on. waiting for things to happen.

i really hope what you're saying is true...actually i dont feel that sick...or maybe its because i have been feeling the same for 4 months now. i dont know ...........
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Serinity
05-03-2016, 02:16 PM
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
i'm blesssed??? seriously???? 14 years have passed by.first i get adopted, then i have a bad, broken, ignorant, rude, financially weak, hateful, abusive and unreligious family. i start working at nine. i have no best friends. no one cares for me. no one respects me. i have extra super bad habits. i suck at everything. i get insulted on facebook because of fake accounts. i was kicked out of 2 schools for being religious ( or thought of as an extremist). i've slept on benches in streets bcz of the distress and chaos at my home. ALLAH swt never answers my prayers the way i want. AND NOW I HAVE CANCER!

and you're telling me i'm blessed????

all i've been doing all along is hold on to ALLAH swt. I DID SO MUCH AND LEFT SO MUCH ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ISLAM, FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH'S MERCY, FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND A BETTER AFTER LIFE. AND IT ALL ENDS LIKE THAT???

HOW DO I KNOW ALLAH SWT LOVES ME???? I FEEL LIKE HE'S IGNORING ME!

i feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff and i cant do anything about it!
Allah SWT never ignores you, Allah SWT is fully aware of your situation.

Know that there are some blessings in disguise. You are truly blessed. May Allah SWT increase you in Imaan, and cure you from this illness, swiftly. Ameen.

May Allah SWT pass you into Jannah withour reckoning, never lose hope, for By Allah, you are blessed, more than you can imagine.

Hold on to Allah SWT. Know that The Prophet SAW was pettled with stones (the Taif incident, pls correct me if I am wrong), and spat at, etc. But his SAW kindness was such that he asked for their guidance, when he was given the opportunity to crush them.
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Muslim Woman
05-03-2016, 03:47 PM
:sl:


young sis , face life , don't run away from it . With or without Cancer , today or tomorrow - we are going to meet our Lord. So , be prepared for it .


Don't think or say any negative things about Allah . Don't miss any salat . Offer your sincere repentance to Him for all minor , major mistakes in life . Recite Quran daily with meaning . May Allah eases your pain and grants what is best .
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ramen-thelegend
05-03-2016, 05:08 PM
i took me one hour to write this down, biology and cancer and tests crap ain't easy man! i wish i had studied bio in 8th and 9th grade :(

i still couldn't get a hand of my tests( my grandmother wont let me, she says i'll...blah blah blah ..) and stuff but got my grandmother to let me talk to one of the doctors( and they allowed me). i kinda understood pretty much nothing that he talked about. it was ... stuff... i kept on asking him questions and it got more confusing and the terms kept getting harder and complicated then he be like shut up( i mean he somehow meant to say that) thats none of your business...and that the bleeding thing was because my blood tests showed i have bleeding esophagal varices and that my AML was in early stages and maybe one bone marrow transplant some weeks of hospitalisation and maybe after some weeks of theray..or chemotherapy i might get rid of it.or maybe after the transplant thingy stuff might go bad too... he said the doctors that will be treating me will know the details and stuff and that it was more than enough of what he could tell me. and asked me to ask the elders in my family about the rest of it.
and he said it was AML1(without maturation) ...something like that( i have no idea whats that supposed to mean)
he said i should either start getting ready for the bone marrow transplant here in pakistan and get the rest of the stuff done here or travel to wales asap and get everything done there. something like.. it shouldn't be like i get the transplant thing done here and treatment there. so yeah its for sure i'm leaving in less than 3 days inshahallah for wales.

in btw, is there some kind of law i'm not allowed to see my reports...if my family doesn't want? or do i have limits to what i should be knowing? ^o)

i'm back to normal by the way. ;D. sorry for whining here but.... i seriously dont have anyone to talk to :(
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Serinity
05-03-2016, 05:17 PM
Remember, when the poor or those who have been tried are given their reward (or someone who had great sins Allahu alam) but point is, when you see people being given their rewards,

those who see the rewards wished that they'd have that, to such an extent that they'd want to be cut open with scissors here on Earth. Afaik.

Evidence: http://sunnah.com/tirmidhi/36/100

PLS correct me if I am wrong. but know, you're blessed. More blessed than a kafir king with the whole world in gold.

Do you know? A kafir on the day of judgement would trade the whole world in gold and whatever was in it for having the Imaan we have in our hearts. Never underestimate the blessings of Allah SWT.

I know it is hard, but have patience. I know it is hard, and I don't understand, cuz I've not been in your situation. But know that your Imaan is beautiful.

May Allah SWT redirect your interest to the hereafter. Ameen.

Pls, correct me if I am wrong in anything I said. And may Allah SWT forgive me and all of us for whatever we say of wrong, and for having erred in anything. Ameen. May Allah protect us. Ameen.

And Allah knows best.
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sister herb
05-03-2016, 05:20 PM
Salam alaykum

I think you are very brave little sister. Let me give you a hugg.

Don´t worry if you didn´t understand much about doctor´s speech - most of people don´t understand it neither.

(This reminds me when I broke my shoulder some years back. I didn´t get what´s wrong before I read some my papers. What doctor said to me sounded just like a Latin.)

About seeing your reports, it might be difficult to say as I don´t know laws in Pakistan neither in UK but it´s possible your family can prevent you to see them as you are under-age.
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Serinity
05-03-2016, 05:40 PM
:salam: @ramen-thelegend

Watch this video:

http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-...ml#post2889916

The latest video, it talks about death. Don't fear death and be steadfast, be steadfast, and ask Allah SWT for patience, for when or if you die, the Angels and Allah SWT will support you, In shaa' Allah. The Promise of Allah SWT is Truth, Jannat. Ask For Jannatul Firdaus!

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.
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Eric H
05-03-2016, 09:40 PM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend; I am so sorry to hear your story,

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off.
Forgiveness is a process, and we often have to forgive many times, I cannot begin to think how often my wife and I have had to forgive each other in the last thirty two years. If we hadn't been able to let go of the hurt and anger between us, our marriage might have only lasted a year.



Many years ago I called on a lady whom I had known for a number of years. She said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else, having known her for some time, I thought I was going to hear some gossip, and agreed.

She said she was in the process of ending her life, she was taking too many tablets on a daily basis, over time this would destroy her organs. The damage would be irreversible; and she would suffer a slow and painful death.

She told me her story, some of which I already knew, she was an elderly lady, and said that everyone who was important to her in her life had used her and left. Her husband ran of with her assets and cheated on her with another woman, her business partner bankrupted her, and her children only came to see her when they wanted something.

Then another man did a terrible thing, so she decided to end her life.

My response was to say that dying is not the problem, we all die, but leaving this world a bitter and angry woman is not the way to leave this Earth. I talked about finding some way to forgive this person, because it was not in her nature to be bitter and angry. I said, even if you continue taking the tablets, let go of your anger.

There came a point when she had said all she could, and there was no more I could say, other than its pointless coming back next month to see you.

She said come back.

I did phone later, and came back the following month, she’d had her kitchen decorated and was planning to landscape her garden. She never mentioned about ending her life again.

I had left her with a terrible burden, every day she would have to live with the memory of the hurt, and strive to overcome her anger.

Letting go of anger, and striving to forgive, helped this lady find a purpose in life. At the time nether she or I had a faith in God, but this is one of the things that has brought me closer to God.

Blessings to you and your family.

Eric
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ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 03:04 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend; I am so sorry to hear your story,



Forgiveness is a process, and we often have to forgive many times, I cannot begin to think how often my wife and I have had to forgive each other in the last thirty two years. If we hadn't been able to let go of the hurt and anger between us, our marriage might have only lasted a year.



Many years ago I called on a lady whom I had known for a number of years. She said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else, having known her for some time, I thought I was going to hear some gossip, and agreed.

She said she was in the process of ending her life, she was taking too many tablets on a daily basis, over time this would destroy her organs. The damage would be irreversible; and she would suffer a slow and painful death.

She told me her story, some of which I already knew, she was an elderly lady, and said that everyone who was important to her in her life had used her and left. Her husband ran of with her assets and cheated on her with another woman, her business partner bankrupted her, and her children only came to see her when they wanted something.

Then another man did a terrible thing, so she decided to end her life.

My response was to say that dying is not the problem, we all die, but leaving this world a bitter and angry woman is not the way to leave this Earth. I talked about finding some way to forgive this person, because it was not in her nature to be bitter and angry. I said, even if you continue taking the tablets, let go of your anger.

There came a point when she had said all she could, and there was no more I could say, other than its pointless coming back next month to see you.

She said come back.

I did phone later, and came back the following month, she’d had her kitchen decorated and was planning to landscape her garden. She never mentioned about ending her life again.

I had left her with a terrible burden, every day she would have to live with the memory of the hurt, and strive to overcome her anger.

Letting go of anger, and striving to forgive, helped this lady find a purpose in life. At the time nether she or I had a faith in God, but this is one of the things that has brought me closer to God.

Blessings to you and your family.

Eric
that is truly amazing. i read it and got up and ...well my brother got an exam today so i just went up and hugged him. i couldn't say anything though. he be like..uhuh? thats he first time u hugged me! so u have feeling too? and i just said i'm sorry for everything and wished him good luck and ran back to my room.

sorry i'm not that emotional usually:hiding:

it was awkward though but yeah it felt nice.

my mom smiled and turned her face away:skeleton:
....i'll try to talk to her today again.:p
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Eric H
05-04-2016, 04:21 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend

Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
in btw, is there some kind of law i'm not allowed to see my reports...if my family doesn't want? or do i have limits to what i should be knowing? ^o)

(
I would be inclined to ask for a simple explanation that you can understand, rather than read the report, the report is going to be in a doctors language you may struggle to follow.

Eric H, posting my original pm to you
A few years ago, I had tests done for cancer, about a month later the doctor phoned and said he urgently wanted to see me, it was non – Hodgkin Lymphoma, this was a name I recognised, our friend had this cancer, and died a few months later. I prayed for the wisdom, strength, peace and serenity to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence, or just an inconvenience. I can only say that from the moment of making this prayer, I have experienced a profound sense of peace, and the thought of cancer has never troubled me for a moment.

Cancer can be a truly worrying process, you wait a month or two for tests, you wait for the results, and you wait for more tests, but the prayer to do God’s will sort of handed the problem to God, and I have never had to worry. At the age of 67, the prayer for healing was too complicated, it might or might not be my time to go, I can imagine most people with cancer would pray for healing, but they will not all live.

I could not imagine this sense of peace without a faith and trust in God. I can say, from the moment of hearing about my cancer and making that prayer, I could talk about cancer in the same way as I talk about what’s for dinner?

This can often be a time to reflect on your life, forgive those who have offended you, and ask for forgiveness if you may have offended others.
I can remember my first visit to an oncologist, my wife was nervous and worried, the doctor was fussing about, he kept wanting to know how I was. I can only remember having a sense of peace while all this was going on, the doctor wanted to give me a thick leaflet all about the cancer, but I said I would never read it. I can remember a number of visits to the oncologist over about a year, before they told me my cancer was not aggressive, so I discharged myself.

The point I am trying to make is this, even if the doctors were to say that 50 % of people with this cancer die, they can’t tell you whether you are going to be one of the 50 % that live. You will have to live with a lot of uncertainty over a long period of time, this is why I prayed for the wisdom, strength, perseverance and the peace to do God’s will, whether the cancer was a death sentence or just an inconvenience.

Be patient for a while longer, when you see the doctor in Wales, say you want to know all the details of your cancer in simple language, I am sure they will try and help you understand. But whatever they say, you will have to come to terms with waiting and all the uncertainty that goes with it.

You and your family are in my prayers, may Allah bless you all.

Eric
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ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 05:02 AM
thank you everyone.

i need to know one more thing before leaving for wales. its my grandfather who's going to be my legal gaurdian and be along while i'm hospitalised. he'll meet me at southamptom and then his brother will drive us to london and THEN we stay the night at their home..AND THEN fly to swansea airport and then finally drive to neath!( i know thats crazy but we had to get everything done in 3 days..)

what i need to know is, is that ok? i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted. and my mom cant come along bcz my brother has his exams until the 17th and my grandparents are divorced so no my grandmother cant come along.

i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted, which means he's not my grandfather by blood...means he's not my mahram? ( or mehr or mehran...or whatever it is)

what should i do? i'm seriously freaking out right know bcz i cant talk to my grandmother about anything any more after what she told me yesterday. what am i going to do???
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Eric H
05-04-2016, 05:09 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

i tried to talk to her yesterday. started with sorry and she straight away slapped me in the face and asked me to **** off.
Just before I was diagnosed with cancer, I believe I was unfairly sacked from a job I had been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of the jobs other people were afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour and learning disabilities.

Even to this day I think it was unfair, but I feel it is better to forgive and strive to overcome any anger I have for them. So, to help me overcome my anger, I have done about fifteen hundred hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I shall be going back again on Friday to do another five, and at the end of this month, I will voluntarily take a couple of the guys on holiday for a week. At minimum wages I have probably given them about £10,000 of my time. Every now and then, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking.

People say I am mad, I should have sued for compensation, and I agree with them. But I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that I feel, it is beyond money. At the old age of 62, I found another job, the day after being sacked.

About six months after being sacked, another branch of the company that sacked me, asked me to come and work for them part time. So now I have been working for about four and a half years for the people who sacked me, crazy. I don’t understand life at all, I should have retired a couple of years ago.

My belief is, that the person who is able to forgive, gains more than the transgressor who is forgiven. I believe it is important to forgive, even if the other person does not say sorry.

Holding onto anger eats away at you. Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto the burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes.

Pray for your mum, In order to forgive, you have to change yourself, you have a couple of days to try and make up with your mum. It will be one of your biggest regrets in your life if you do not keep trying. Making peace with your mum will bring you closer to Allah, I am so sorry to place this burden on someone as young as you.

May Allah bless you and your family,

Eric
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 06:33 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



Just before I was diagnosed with cancer, I believe I was unfairly sacked from a job I had been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of the jobs other people were afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour and learning disabilities.

Even to this day I think it was unfair, but I feel it is better to forgive and strive to overcome any anger I have for them. So, to help me overcome my anger, I have done about fifteen hundred hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I shall be going back again on Friday to do another five, and at the end of this month, I will voluntarily take a couple of the guys on holiday for a week. At minimum wages I have probably given them about £10,000 of my time. Every now and then, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking.

People say I am mad, I should have sued for compensation, and I agree with them. But I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that I feel, it is beyond money. At the old age of 62, I found another job, the day after being sacked.

About six months after being sacked, another branch of the company that sacked me, asked me to come and work for them part time. So now I have been working for about four and a half years for the people who sacked me, crazy. I don’t understand life at all, I should have retired a couple of years ago.

My belief is, that the person who is able to forgive, gains more than the transgressor who is forgiven. I believe it is important to forgive, even if the other person does not say sorry.

Holding onto anger eats away at you. Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto the burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes.

Pray for your mum, In order to forgive, you have to change yourself, you have a couple of days to try and make up with your mum. It will be one of your biggest regrets in your life if you do not keep trying. Making peace with your mum will bring you closer to Allah, I am so sorry to place this burden on someone as young as you.

May Allah bless you and your family,

Eric
thanks a lot again.
huhhhhhhhhhhh......i'm still not taking any of this seriously...i feel like its a dream and i'll wake up soon and realise its over. i cant deal with all this different environment and circumstances.

but because you say so, i'll try to talk to my mama again.

for now, she's out with her mom for shopping! yeah she is! :heated:
you know what? currently at my home, there are a lot more important things going on than me having cancer and bleeding esophageul varices. the most important one is that my mom is meeting her mom after years, so they're enjoying their time together. then my brother has his exams and then everybody's leaving pakistan AND THEN its me who's sick.

anyways, how do i start???? i tried to start with a simple sorry and got slapped in the face. what if she slaps me again? how do i get to talk to her to me?
Reply

Serinity
05-04-2016, 07:52 AM
:salam: @ramen-thelegend

Try to say sorry again - and if you get slapped again then say "why did you slap me?" if she responds with a slap again, "why don't you say anything?" .......... If she responds with a slap again, then....

Try to verbalise her slaps.. Like "do you feel happy slapping me?" etc.. Try to connect with her through her slaps.

But seeing that you are sick, I assume from the little knowledge I have of this sickness that your wounds heal very slowly, right? you bleed easily, etc. Right? Do you have trouble breathing sometimes?

beware of getting hurt, etc.

you should rely on Allah SWT alone. Don't expect much from anyone.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong.
And Allah SWT knows best.
Reply

Eric H
05-04-2016, 08:52 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

thanks a lot again.
huhhhhhhhhhhh......i'm still not taking any of this seriously...i feel like its a dream and i'll wake up soon and realise its over. i cant deal with all this different environment and circumstances.

but because you say so, i'll try to talk to my mama again.
If you try saying sorry again, it must NOT be because of any pressure from me, it must be done for all the right reasons, if you say sorry and don't mean it, your mum will probably know. The cancer has nothing to do with your adoptive mother, it is not her genes, but she seems to be trying to help you, again I don't know her motivations.

The other thing to say is thank you, it must be costing a lot to send you to Wales with your adopted granddad. When you can feel thankful and remorseful, the words will follow. There is probably wrong on both sides, you have to make allowances for your mum, she is not to blame for ALL your troubles.

Try and put yourself in her shoes, one day you may have a fourteen year old daughter, and if you look at yourself, you can expect a rocky ride. It is only when you have children yourself, that you come to understand the problems of being a parent. You also come to understand that much of what your parents say, is right, even if they do not say it in the right way.

Pray for her before saying sorry, pray to Allah and ask forgiveness first.

May Allah bless you and your mother.

Eric
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 09:16 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam: @ramen-thelegend

Try to say sorry again - and if you get slapped again then say "why did you slap me?" if she responds with a slap again, "why don't you say anything?" .......... If she responds with a slap again, then....

Try to verbalise her slaps.. Like "do you feel happy slapping me?" etc.. Try to connect with her through her slaps.

But seeing that you are sick, I assume from the little knowledge I have of this sickness that your wounds heal very slowly, right? you bleed easily, etc. Right? Do you have trouble breathing sometimes?

beware of getting hurt, etc.

you should rely on Allah SWT alone. Don't expect much from anyone.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong.
And Allah SWT knows best.
i'm going to try soon inshahallah.

i still do need someone to answer this:


Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
thank you everyone.

i need to know one more thing before leaving for wales. its my grandfather who's going to be my legal gaurdian and be along while i'm hospitalised. he'll meet me at southamptom and then his brother will drive us to london and THEN we stay the night at their home..AND THEN fly to swansea airport and then finally drive to neath!( i know thats crazy but we had to get everything done in 3 days..)

what i need to know is, is that ok? i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted. and my mom cant come along bcz my brother has his exams until the 17th and my grandparents are divorced so no my grandmother cant come along.

i mean keeping in mind i'm adopted, which means he's not my grandfather by blood...means he's not my mahram? ( or mehr or mehran...or whatever it is)

what should i do? i'm seriously freaking out right know bcz i cant talk to my grandmother about anything any more after what she told me yesterday. what am i going to do???
Reply

noraina
05-04-2016, 09:37 AM
Assalamu alaykum

Sis, I'm no scholar but I honestly think it would be fine. This is a matter of your health. I mean it would be better if you could get a female family member to come along as well, but even though it may not be through blood-relations - he is elderly and is to you your grandfather so I don't see anything wrong in it.

And I understand how it can be difficult facing your mother's attitude at the moment, perhaps she is being a little unfair and not quite understanding your thoughts, but remember she adopted you and cared for you when you were at your most vulnerable, it may just be she is facing certain difficulties in life, and it may be really hurting her to know you are so unwell. Most importantly, make dua for her, that Allah SWT softens her heart.

Keep us updated sis, I'm giving you lots of virtual hugs right now. Don't feel disappointed with anyone - disappointment is a sign we were expecting something from them, and we should expect only from Allah SWT. It is only Him Who will listen to and answer our supplications, and be with us in our darkest moments, when the people around us may not be able to see or understand our difficulties- it is only Allah SWT Who is our constant friend and protector.

Wassalam
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 09:43 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;



If you try saying sorry again, it must NOT be because of any pressure from me, it must be done for all the right reasons, if you say sorry and don't mean it, your mum will probably know. The cancer has nothing to do with your adoptive mother, it is not her genes, but she seems to be trying to help you, again I don't know her motivations.

The other thing to say is thank you, it must be costing a lot to send you to Wales with your adopted granddad. When you can feel thankful and remorseful, the words will follow. There is probably wrong on both sides, you have to make allowances for your mum, she is not to blame for ALL your troubles.

Try and put yourself in her shoes, one day you may have a fourteen year old daughter, and if you look at yourself, you can expect a rocky ride. It is only when you have children yourself, that you come to understand the problems of being a parent. You also come to understand that much of what your parents say, is right, even if they do not say it in the right way.

Pray for her before saying sorry, pray to Allah and ask forgiveness first.

May Allah bless you and your mother.

Eric
i'm sorry. i meant to sat that i am doing this bcz u said so as in i tried to already apologise to her and got slapped in return but that i'll try again.

i dont want to sound so negetive and evil here, but let me tell you my mom is not trying to help me at all. she's always told me how much she hates me and told me my prayers are of no use since ALLAH swt hates me and everything that was happening to me clearly explained that. i used to ask her for stuff and she used to ask me to get it myself. at about 10, i stayed most of my time out, infact at times returned home after days, or even weeks. i used to stay at the old home i worked at. a day has never passed my she didn't pray for my death. i feel like her prayers are being answered. plus u know what? she never wanted i get treatment, she ignored it. she said she couldn't pay for it. plus, she's not paying for the treatment anyway, its for free. plus, i never wanted to come to pakistan. why would i want to? she forced me in here. obviously she has to pay for it! she has always punished me for every little small thing. let alone small, she punishes me for things i didn't even do. she has never told me she loves me, has always tried her best to get excuses for not going to my PTMs( but my teachers would contact her ) she has never asked me if i'm hungry or dying or sick or how was my day or anything. we're like strangers or you could say allies living in one home. and i could never complain, because then she'd start crying and blaming herself for everything which was worse than anything for me. i thought it was better i take all the blame and offence and abuse and pain. she's not the kind of mother you're talking about.

its not because i'm adopted, she's almost the same towards my brother, the difference is he talks back and everyday they argue about how bad their lives are because of each other( and when i come in between to stop them, thats when both attack me). my brother is stubborn and keeps on doing the stuff she asks him not to do. he doesn't work like i do and keeps demanding stuff from my mom, which she doesn't give him and then the arguments start. another reason is they both think they've given enough and want stuff back in return and again both disagree.

if i were my mom, i'd at least try to sit down and talk to the two people she deliberately took responsibility of, who she makes feel hated and unwanted everyday. maybe i couldn't do anything but at least i could love them, tell them i was there for them, that i care for them.

i'm not saying i hate her and dont respect her, i think i still do love her, but she doesn't and that makes me feel nothing for her. we're like homies living hatefully. i have always tried to get things better but she tells me stuff like stop trying to act like you're my mom and stay in your limits and dont impose your laws on me and let things alone the way they are!

even now she's not crying for me. she's crying and mad at me,but because my sickness is ruining her time with her mom!
Reply

Serinity
05-04-2016, 09:43 AM
The less you expect from people the more you appreciate the blessings of Allah SWT, and the little people do. right? Idk

Allahu alam. Just don't expect from people.
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 09:49 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
The less you expect from people the more you appreciate the blessings of Allah SWT, and the little people do. right? Idk

Allahu alam. Just don't expect from people.
thanks. thats nice. i've always told that myself!

mashahallah bro you always have something good to say!:D
Reply

Serinity
05-04-2016, 10:08 AM
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
thanks. thats nice. i've always told that myself!

mashahallah bro you always have something good to say!:D
I can tell you are stronger than me, Imaan wise. SubhanAllah. :D

Anyways. May Allah guard me and all of us from evil. Ameen..

Think, there are times when you just want to die right? you don't care about this world anymore, right? you don't care, you just want to meet Allah SWT. you long for the hereafter.

you could care less for supercars or castles, and what not.. We become distant from this world. Which is actually a good thing, what we must realise is, to take advantage of this and make use of it, and ask Allah to keep us like this.

cuz our time here is short, This world is a fading shadow. Try to improve yourself, and keep on that feeling - be focused on the hereafter - work for Allah SWT.

Be like a traveller who will leave this world -don't forget the feeling of wanting to meet Allah, and disliking this world, and wanting to die. Make yourself love the meeting of Allah SWT.

For if you, ramen, love to meet Allah SWT, Allah SWT will LOVE to meet you!

What I am saying sister is, don't let the want to die make you depressed, don't become depressed at disliking this life, turn it around and be happy for wanting to leave. but don't dislike this world in the way that'd make you depressed.

Be such, that you use this world, grab this world by your fangs and have Islam in your heart. Use this world to gain the other world, use this world, like a tool, your heart is for Islam, the religion of Allah SWT.

In short - use this world to gain the other world. Be a traveller, a no one in this world. But before Allah you are precious!
Reply

Eric H
05-04-2016, 11:03 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

I am just so sad every time you talk about the hardships in your life, it is so sad that someone your age should suffer so much. In a way, when you try and make peace with your mum, you are really making peace with Allah. Maybe this poem will help you find strength and hope.




Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.


[Reportedly inscribed on the wall of Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta, and attributed to her. However, an article in the New York Times has since reported (March 8, 2002) that the original version of this poem was written by Kent M. Keith.]

Praying for you to find strength and hope, blessings,

Eric
Reply

Serinity
05-04-2016, 11:19 AM
Whether something is bad or good for you, Allah SWT knows best.

But how you percieve things is very important. It may either destroy you, or build you, In shaa' Allah.

Don't let the cancer make you depressed.

to do something, it may take a thousand attempts, now you may either view those attempts as:

1. failures.
2. steps.

How you approach a problem, may either destroy you or build you.

ALLAHU alam, tho. May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.
Reply

sister herb
05-04-2016, 01:53 PM
Salam alaykum little sister

I am sure about one thing - what ever will happening, this all makes you more wise person and, as usually when we meet hardships, any kind of, more mature. When you are more mature. it will be easier to get along with complicated people (as some of your family members seems to be) as well avoid troubles.
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 02:52 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
Salam alaykum little sister

I am sure about one thing - what ever will happening, this all makes you more wise person and, as usually when we meet hardships, any kind of, more mature. When you are more mature. it will be easier to get along with complicated people (as some of your family members seems to be) as well avoid troubles.
thanks sis.

but whatever you're talking about is the future, which is not quite promised in my case. for now, things just keep getting worse! and i'm watching! all i can do is cry, repent to ALLAH swt, do dhikr and wait for things to change.
Reply

sister herb
05-04-2016, 03:44 PM
Dear sister,

with tears part of your distress and anguish will melt away. But I understand your pain and insecurity. Anyone in similar situation would feel the same and would to be totally upset.
Reply

anatolian
05-04-2016, 03:51 PM
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
@anatolian .brother i'll tell u soon when i figure out stuff myself. my head is really all messed up right now. he didn't say i can wait, but that it would be better if i go back to wales asap and get the treatment and bone marrow transplant and stuff done there.
Salam sis. Dont rely on your mother alone. Force anybody around you who can help you to bring you back to Wales and get the treatment immediately.

I am going to make dua for you. Inshallah you'll become OK.
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-04-2016, 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by anatolian
Salam sis. Dont rely on your mother alone. Force anybody around you who can help you to bring you back to Wales and get the treatment immediately.
walaikum assalam bro.
i'm going back to wales on the 6th
Reply

Eric H
05-04-2016, 11:19 PM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen-thelegend;

You said you are stopping by Southampton, so just a thought here are the contact details for the four mosques in Southampton.


Southampton Mosque
www.mymosques.co.uk
189 Northumberland Road, Southampton SO14 0EP
023 8063 5941

Shahjalal Mosque
www.shahjalalmosque.org.uk
121 St Marys Road, Southampton SO14 0BL
023 8033 2979

Abo Bakar Mosque
Bing Local
8 Argyle Road, Southampton SO14 0BQ

Southampton Medina Mosque Trust Ltd.
www.mymosques.co.uk
Rowland Buildings, Southampton SO14 0BH
023 8023 1945

blessings

Eric
Reply

Eric H
05-04-2016, 11:38 PM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen,

i need to know one more thing before leaving for wales. its my grandfather who's going to be my legal gaurdian and be along while i'm hospitalised. he'll meet me at southamptom and then his brother will drive us to london and THEN we stay the night at their home..AND THEN fly to swansea airport and then finally drive to neath!( i know thats crazy but we had to get everything done in 3 days..)
I have just reread your travel arrangements, and they don't make much sense to me. The main international airports are near London, so why drive 60 plus miles away from London airport to meet in Southampton, then drive 70 miles back to London? Which airport are you flying into?

Blessings

Eric
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-05-2016, 01:56 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen,



I have just reread your travel arrangements, and they don't make much sense to me. The main international airports are near London, so why drive 60 plus miles away from London airport to meet in Southampton, then drive 70 miles back to London? Which airport are you flying into?

Blessings

Eric
we had to get everything done in 2 days that is why its all really messed up. i'm travelling from peshawer( but there are no international airports there so we have to go to islamabad) to neath( but again there are no international airports there so we have to land on and swansea airport and drive to neath)

actually we first have a layover at paris then southampton( my grandfather's brother lives there, actually he was coming to england initially to meet him but now because of me, plans have changed) and then his brother drives us to london( from there, there were no flights until the next some days or so ,plus we could manage to reach for the next flight to swansea so yeah we're driving to london)

makes sense now?
Reply

Eric H
05-05-2016, 07:19 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen,

That makes sense if you are flying from Paris to Southampton, sorry I was not understanding you. I live a few miles from Southampton, I could call into one of the Southampton mosques and ask if a couple of sisters could meet you. No promises that I could make it work, but I could try. I have to go out at 9 am for much of the day; if you could let me know.

I did post the contact details for the mosques, but just do a Google search for Southampton mosques if you would like to make contact yourself

Blessings

Eric
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-05-2016, 07:44 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you ramen,

That makes sense if you are flying from Paris to Southampton, sorry I was not understanding you. I live a few miles from Southampton, I could call into one of the Southampton mosques and ask if a couple of sisters could meet you. No promises that I could make it work, but I could try. I have to go out at 9 am for much of the day; if you could let me know.

I did post the contact details for the mosques, but just do a Google search for Southampton mosques if you would like to make contact yourself

Blessings

Eric
thank you so much Mr.Eric but i dont think thats going to work since i have to meet my grandfather there, i dont think he'd allow that and neither do i know the specific timings for now. i know sounds stupid and sooo unorganized but thats the way it is. i mean thats the way it works in my family. i dont know much of the details of anything thats happening. i'm told to do whatever i'm said and asked to shut up and not question anymore.

i have an old friend( he's a guy but has big sisters who're really nice and i asked them if we could meet and they said yes) who's from pakistan but they're living in paris, i'm meeting them there. its not for sure i will meet them but they said they could take out time in the next two or three days. i have to meet them because i'm travelling solo so i dont know some kind of rules...or i dont know...

anyways if you get contacts of someone, do let me know!
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-05-2016, 02:36 PM
i talked to my mom! @Serinity @Eric H

i took all your advice. she did slap me again but it was different this time. not really sure good or bad.

i just went up and said i was sorry for ruining her time with her family and she slapped me...i stood there firm and she asked me if i felt how she was feeling because of what i did. i told her it wasn't my fault i got sick and asked her why she was being so rude to me...i got a slap back and she told me that was because i keep talking back to her and then i asked her why she did it in the first place and she said go on ! what do u have to say?...me has nothing to say..me say sorry again for all the problems i had ever caused her and thanked her for all the money she had wasted on me only to end it all up, i mean return her with cancer and that if i live i'll pay her back and wont let her down ever again and she interrupts and be like ok! i get it ! thats it? is that what u had to say? me say yhass but did u even listen to any of it?? she slapped me again and i started bleeding...she got me up and i simply asked her WwwHhhYyyy? and she said i'm sorry. i said sorry again and thank u for everything and she asked me to go get lost and get my QURAN!( she took it away about a month back when she grounded me for some reason). i asked her why she changed the topic...i expected her to slap me again but she be like you're going or not or do you want another slap...me seriously didn't want another so i left.

thats what happened.........
Reply

Eric H
05-05-2016, 04:23 PM
Greetings and peace be with you ramen;

You are so brave, well done for persisting in trying to make up with your mum, she sounds a very troubled women. I don't know either of you, but I sense a change in your mum, she sounds like a woman who would never say sorry, so to say sorry even after slapping you seems a huge step forward.
For her to say you can have your Quran back, also seems like a huge change to me.

But all that is not important, the important thing is you have tried your best to make peace with your mum, this will help you in the future. Life is hard, somehow you need to look at yourself at the age of 14, and be prepared to fight all battles with loving kindness, in the end kindness will help you find strength. You are already incredibly strong, but you do not realise it.

I am going to see if I can make contact with the mosque, do you know an approximate time you might be in Southampton.

Blessings

Eric
Reply

Serinity
05-05-2016, 09:33 PM
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
i talked to my mom! @Serinity @Eric H

i took all your advice. she did slap me again but it was different this time. not really sure good or bad.

i just went up and said i was sorry for ruining her time with her family and she slapped me...i stood there firm and she asked me if i felt how she was feeling because of what i did. i told her it wasn't my fault i got sick and asked her why she was being so rude to me...i got a slap back and she told me that was because i keep talking back to her and then i asked her why she did it in the first place and she said go on ! what do u have to say?...me has nothing to say..me say sorry again for all the problems i had ever caused her and thanked her for all the money she had wasted on me only to end it all up, i mean return her with cancer and that if i live i'll pay her back and wont let her down ever again and she interrupts and be like ok! i get it ! thats it? is that what u had to say? me say yhass but did u even listen to any of it?? she slapped me again and i started bleeding...she got me up and i simply asked her WwwHhhYyyy? and she said i'm sorry. i said sorry again and thank u for everything and she asked me to go get lost and get my QURAN!( she took it away about a month back when she grounded me for some reason). i asked her why she changed the topic...i expected her to slap me again but she be like you're going or not or do you want another slap...me seriously didn't want another so i left.

thats what happened.........
I don't want you hurt tbh........ Try to talk to her again, this time ask Allah SWT for help. It is called Salaat al-Istikhaarah
After asking for help, go and try talk to her. May Allah SWT guide you in your conduct with her. Ameen.

I got an advice for you, In shaa' Allah. When she asks you "do you feel how I feel because of what you did?" say "did what?"

"you keep talking back to me" say "about what?"

is your mom muslim btw?

I think you need to build a relationship with your mom. Try to buy her stuff, and when she starts asking about "remember what you did?" say "did what?" or if she says "why are you doing this?" say "because I love you, and I want you to love me" or something.. Try to make her open up to you.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-06-2016, 07:37 AM
:salamext:

Hope you're well :ia: PM me anytime :ia: x
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-06-2016, 08:41 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I don't want you hurt tbh........ Try to talk to her again, this time ask Allah SWT for help. It is called Salaat al-Istikhaarah
After asking for help, go and try talk to her. May Allah SWT guide you in your conduct with her. Ameen.

I got an advice for you, In shaa' Allah. When she asks you "do you feel how I feel because of what you did?" say "did what?"

"you keep talking back to me" say "about what?"

is your mom muslim btw?

I think you need to build a relationship with your mom. Try to buy her stuff, and when she starts asking about "remember what you did?" say "did what?" or if she says "why are you doing this?" say "because I love you, and I want you to love me" or something.. Try to make her open up to you.
ahhhhhhhhh...i did try again....i've never been in more awkward situations before...trust me i'm not that emotional kinda person...more of a stone in real life.

this time i guess it went good..i mean i'm not sure...tell me if it is ok?

so my mom and my brother were in the kitchen...doing stuff...i mean we had a lunch..people neighbours blah blah blah came over to see me..i dont know good bye or good luck or some thing..what do you call it?? anyways so yeah i went to them and asked them if they needed a hand in something...everythings stops...my mama turns around and be like are u ok? did the sun rise from the west? wait..its even friday! my brother starts laughing and i'm like i'm serious! my brother be like why? me says because......i love u guys......they both gimme that sarcastic smile and be like huh! me says what? mama says what did u just say??? me says i said i love u guys! they both look at each other and smile and get back to work..then my brother picks up a bowl of custard which went way too think so wasn't used...and be like what do i do with this? me says lets freexe it and it'll be ice cream!
....and then we make ice cream..we had a bit of a fight over the ice cream thing ..like what you put it in to shape it..i had only one left and one couldn't do me so i put it in a mini pringles box and a gum box! haha! i didn't get a slap this time...or anything else but yeah this was the first time we did something like that together. well it ain't really ice cream..more of frozen vanilla custard but...we did something...

anyways anybody knows how long will it take to freeze? i mean become ice cream?
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-06-2016, 08:48 AM
Sis ...what are you saying?
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-06-2016, 08:56 AM
Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
Sis ...what are you saying?
sorry..that was ...well.. @Eric H and Serinity asked me to make up with my mom before i left because maybe i wont get another chance..

read some of the previous posts and you'll understand:D
Reply

abumuslim82
05-06-2016, 09:05 AM
Originally Posted by ramen-thelegend
edit: its in my last post..........

continued from :http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...se-help-3.html


i'm sorry......what i told you guys was only blood tests, they got my something called CFS some thingy related to some spinal fluid or ...i dont know some thingies... test done later the same night. i've got bone marrow biospy or aspiration or something like that test today. sorry i didn't know that before. actually i know nothing about biology. but thats not my fault...i mean it is but ...well i'm not studying bio in 9th grade and i skipped 8th grade so yeah i pretty much dont understand anything that is written in those tests.

i'm sorry, the bone marrow transplant i talked off was actually some kind of bone marrow test or aspiration or whatever you call.

anyways this stuff is really all over my head. i need to know some stuff from you guys

firstly, if this luekema thing is confirmed my grandmother already got tickets for wales, that means i have to go to wales for this transplant thing, actually the city that i'm living in currently does not have any cancer hospitals, and the nearest one is in i guess 1 hour 20-30 min drive. which is the doctors say not good for me.(actually i think they're exagerrating cz i dont really feel any kind of pain or something...) and our flight is on the 6th of may. obviously she couldn't get them booked so fast so there are going to be multiple stops. ....i guess we're going to reach in 2 days or something;D

i still cant believe this stuff....its the fourth day cancer cancer cancer everywhere! i feel like everything else...that i've ever done or dreamt off means nothing! this stupid thing ruined everything! i've not cried yet, but i feel like thats because i still cant really accept what is going on! i kinda laughing at myself!

i dont clearly understand what they're talking off( cz they be speaking so fast spanish!) but my grandmother wants me to go to wales with my grandfather( my mom cant come because my brother got exams on the 5th and they end on 17th so....).... ....but i dont really understand .....like ok maybe he can be my legal gaurdian but ....i've never met him before and i dont really know if that is acceptable in islam, i mean keeping in mind i was adopted....is it ok?
(i'm not really sure if thats the case, but that was my level of understanding and i cant dare to ask my grandmother because she is really rude and mean to me and my mom starts crying and cursing me whenever i'm around her or ask her something)

and i might need to talk to some of the sisters in the uk( i know there are no welsh here from :http://www.islamicboard.com/misc-lan...ml#post2891195
, in case if i'm going there. i'll PM you my contact number once i'm there. i got crazy dumb questions to ask or maybe discuss....( i know @~sabr~ , i'm already counting on you, but trust me you'll get tired, lets divide some of the work load huh?)

Salaam sis, I know I can nag, but have honey with ur medication.

And never ever lose hope in ALLAH mercy.

oh ALLAH, please fill out sisters heart with joy and contentment and give her complete shifaa, and we ask the same for every Muslim, ameen ameen ameen.

Have u reached ur destination safely ? Wasn't that bad ne
Reply

ramen-thelegend
05-06-2016, 09:09 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Salaam sis, I know I can nag, but have honey with ur medication.

And never ever lose hope in ALLAH mercy.

oh ALLAH, please fill out sisters heart with joy and contentment and give her complete shifaa, and we ask the same for every Muslim, ameen ameen ameen.

Have u reached ur destination safely ? Wasn't that bad ne
ameen

no bro........ i'll leave in about 3 hours for the airport and 5 hours to my flight!

i just finished packing so got nothing else to do...i mean nothing better than IB:D.
my room is as empty as my head!

edit: if i had left, what would i be doing at my home making ice cream with my mom and my brother?
Reply

Serinity
05-06-2016, 09:57 AM
:salam:

MAKE THEM CRY WHEN THEY LEAVE. May Allah SWT guide them. Ameen.

Seriously. Assuming they are Muslims, I ask ALLAH to make them miss you.

Anyways, I hope you've arranged some plan where a sister or 2 can accompany you.

And Allah SWT knows best.
Reply

Eric H
05-06-2016, 10:00 AM
Dear ramen,

I am so really pleased for you, this will make such a difference when you leave, it will give you hope that you have something to live for.

so my mom and my brother were in the kitchen...doing stuff...i mean we had a lunch..people neighbours blah blah blah came over to see me..i dont know good bye or good luck or some thing..what do you call it?? anyways so yeah i went to them and asked them if they needed a hand in something...everythings stops...my mama turns around and be like are u ok? did the sun rise from the west? wait..its even friday! my brother starts laughing and i'm like i'm serious! my brother be like why? me says because......i love u guys......they both gimme that sarcastic smile and be like huh! me says what? mama says what did u just say??? me says i said i love u guys! they both look at each other and smile and get back to work..then my brother picks up a bowl of custard which went way too think so wasn't used...and be like what do i do with this? me says lets freexe it and it'll be ice cream!
....and then we make ice cream..we had a bit of a fight over the ice cream thing ..like what you put it in to shape it..i had only one left and one couldn't do me so i put it in a mini pringles box and a gum box! haha! i didn't get a slap this time...or anything else but yeah this was the first time we did something like that together. well it ain't really ice cream..more of frozen vanilla custard but...we did something...
I wish I had read this before I posted on your other thread.

May Allah continue to bless you with wisdom,

Eric
Reply

Aisha
05-06-2016, 11:26 AM
Does anyone else have a strong suspicion that this person isn't quite who she says she is?

Vague details about a terminal illness then changing those details to suit.
Refusing an offer of help from a sister who lives close to her. The sister wanted to visit her in hospital however this girl claimed not to know which hospital she'll be at.
Clsimed above that a sister has been informed of her details so she can check on her and it's a secret. I asked her which sister, reply was 'neighbours'.
The story suddenly changed when I told her I've a mind to contact the police and social services. This is clearly a safeguarding issue as Ramen has spoken about many incidents of severe abuse.


See PM below:
Re: ...........

did u do all that stuff?

if u haven't until now, then please dont. i told my mom all this stuff and she got really mad and started crying and asked me why i trusted people that i just met on the internet more than her?

i seriously feel really bad. things were just getting better and now i ruined it all.

anyways looooooooollll u sound a lil way tooo concerned. I FEEL SPECAIL!

u all mean a lot to me. a lot more than u think. no one has ever been that concerned about me. thank u so much but i feel like now u huys should stay out of it.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-06-2016, 12:02 PM
@Aisha she is 14 and has just been diagnosed with cancer, what do you expect?! :facepalm:
Reply

Aisha
05-06-2016, 12:06 PM
Bear in mind she posted about it a while before she was supposedly diagnosed. Even then, the medical details were all wrong.

If I'm wrong, I'll hold my hands up and apologise. However, I'm not the only one who suspects it was extreme attention seeking.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-06-2016, 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by Aisha
Does anyone else have a strong suspicion that this person isn't quite who she says she is?

Vague details about a terminal illness then changing those details to suit.
Refusing an offer of help from a sister who lives close to her. The sister wanted to visit her in hospital however this girl claimed not to know which hospital she'll be at.
Clsimed above that a sister has been informed of her details so she can check on her and it's a secret. I asked her which sister, reply was 'neighbours'.
The story suddenly changed when I told her I've a mind to contact the police and social services. This is clearly a safeguarding issue as Ramen has spoken about many incidents of severe abuse.


See PM below: [/INDENT]
Lol, sister its the internet, alot of munafiqeen, kaafir spies and other fakers, lol.

It's ok though, I use the threads, it's a good reminder to make dua for ummah,

Hahaha beat them on their own system. And the Muslims will be victorious bi'ithnillah.
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