PDA

View Full Version : Planning to get Married while having no full time job



eastinwest
05-04-2016, 11:07 PM
Aslamoaleikum dear Brothers and sisters,

I am in my late twenties and willing to get married. I have been earning reasonable in the past but because of my family financial situation in the past I couldn't get married as I had to support them. For the last couple of years I am studying in Europe and doing part time job and alhamdulillah supporting myself. I discussed my case with my parents and they said until and unless you are financially stable and settled we cant search spouse for you.

Even some families of girls (despite showing interest in me) couldn't move forward; because they want their daughter's husband to be settled and having full time job. I also tried myself but every time response is more or less same with different words i.e Where you work and how much you earn.

Most of my search is focused in my home country as I think eventually I will go back but this point "Guaranteed Career" is a hurdle as I don't know myself where I will be working in future (here in Europe or my home country).

Many of my friends pursuing higher education face similar problems. Any suggestion how to assure "Guaranteed Career" while studying?

Jazakallah
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
farhan
05-04-2016, 11:27 PM
:wa:

Sorry to hear your struggling brother.

Good your doing part time job on the side. No one is guaranteed a job after degree, many struggle in finding one. Maybe you could take a gap year and do full time work placement? They could hire you straight after your degree if you impress :O.

Do read up on it :ia: :):

The benefits of work placements can include:
  • a supervisor who might be able to act as a referee for you in future job applications;
  • attendance at in-company training courses;
  • payment (more likely in longer work placements);
  • subsidised travel or lunches.
https://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and...ork-placements

Also boost up your CV so it attracts potential employers. Volunteer, take part in events and do work experience in the meantime.

Keep your hopes up. Your still really young :ma:. May Allah bless you with righteous spouse :statisfie. Ameen.
Reply

eastinwest
05-04-2016, 11:38 PM
Thanks for your prayers. My studies are already nearly completion but this question "When you will get Job" kills me. Reality is I am trying my best to get back on track but I don't know when.
Reply

farhan
05-04-2016, 11:43 PM
Originally Posted by eastinwest
Thanks for your prayers. My studies are already nearly completion but this question "When you will get Job" kills me. Reality is I am trying my best to get back on track but I don't know when.
So what if they ask that question? If you know your trying and taking action, at least your doing something. Open your mind to as many opportunities as you can and make plenty of dua :).

Who knows... It might come sooner than expected :O.

Reminds the quote:
"Every single success you experience is a combination of two things: your effort and Allah's help. When you don't put in enough effort, Allah does not give His barakah. And sometimes you might put in a lot of effort but you may not see the result you expected. That, also, is Allah's barakah." - Nouman Ali Khan
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Bhabha
05-05-2016, 05:16 AM
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I also face the same struggle lol. People are not interested in marrying someone who is still studying. Unfortunately and if you are doing graduate studies overseas, even less because technically we are not "financially" stable.

Although you are a guy and I am a girl, both face the same barriers for marriage.

How long until your schooling is finished ? Are you doing graduate studies?
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 06:58 AM
Originally Posted by eastinwest
Aslamoaleikum dear Brothers and sisters,

I am in my late twenties and willing to get married. I have been earning reasonable in the past but because of my family financial situation in the past I couldn't get married as I had to support them. For the last couple of years I am studying in Europe and doing part time job and alhamdulillah supporting myself. I discussed my case with my parents and they said until and unless you are financially stable and settled we cant search spouse for you.

Even some families of girls (despite showing interest in me) couldn't move forward; because they want their daughter's husband to be settled and having full time job. I also tried myself but every time response is more or less same with different words i.e Where you work and how much you earn.

Most of my search is focused in my home country as I think eventually I will go back but this point "Guaranteed Career" is a hurdle as I don't know myself where I will be working in future (here in Europe or my home country).

Many of my friends pursuing higher education face similar problems. Any suggestion how to assure "Guaranteed Career" while studying?

Jazakallah

Salaam brother,

Do rukhsat, a friend of mine done it about 2 weeks back.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 07:00 AM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I also face the same struggle lol. People are not interested in marrying someone who is still studying. Unfortunately and if you are doing graduate studies overseas, even less because technically we are not "financially" stable.

Although you are a guy and I am a girl, both face the same barriers for marriage.

How long until your schooling is finished ? Are you doing graduate studies?
Salaam sister,

Do rukhsat, marry asap.
Reply

Bhabha
05-05-2016, 07:24 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Salaam sister,

Do rukhsat, marry asap.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
What is that?
And I'll marry when اللهُ sends me the right spouse ان شاء الله
Reply

sister herb
05-05-2016, 07:39 AM
I don´t know about other parts of the world but at the nowadays it´s really hard to find full time job in here (Finland). Many people will make some short-term, temporary works all they life, also even if they have a good education. If some people expect to have full time permanent job before marriage, then kind of situations someone might never marry at all.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 08:47 AM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
What is that?
And I'll marry when اللهُ sends me the right spouse ان شاء الله
wslm,

k before anything else, it is a sunnah. explained in my own terminology below.

its like halaal dating,

couple makes nikah, boy lives where he currently lives, girl lives where she currently lives. then when finances are better they can move in together.

and everything that is halaal for a normal situation married couple is permissible.

if the ummah practices on just this one aspect of deen, the muslims will get so much more stronger, coz we know the current state of the ummah regarding zina, and zina is one of the downfalls of the ummah.


Brothers Sisters marry as young as possible as soon as possible, theres a lot of benefits, trust me inshaALLAH. eg. marry young and ull grow up with ur kids, no backaches and headaches and this aches and that aches when they wanna play :)
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 08:48 AM
Originally Posted by sister herb
I don´t know about other parts of the world but at the nowadays it´s really hard to find full time job in here (Finland). Many people will make some short-term, temporary works all they life, also even if they have a good education. If some people expect to have full time permanent job before marriage, then kind of situations someone might never marry at all.

Check post #10
Reply

ardianto
05-05-2016, 09:09 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Salaam brother,

Do rukhsat, a friend of mine done it about 2 weeks back.
But, do rukhsat with who?.

A man can do rukhsat only if he can find a woman who agree to accept his marriage proposal. Brother eastinwest may propose idea about doing rukhsat until he get fulltime job. But unfortunately parents in his society usually accept only a man who already has fulltime job with good income.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 09:30 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
But, do rukhsat with who?.

A man can do rukhsat only if he can find a woman who agree to accept his marriage proposal. Brother eastinwest may propose idea about doing rukhsat until he get fulltime job. But unfortunately parents in his society usually accept only a man who already has fulltime job with good income.
op should explain the rukhsat thing when he proposes. women are interested in him, its the parents
Reply

ardianto
05-05-2016, 09:32 AM
Originally Posted by sister herb
I don´t know about other parts of the world but at the nowadays it´s really hard to find full time job in here (Finland). Many people will make some short-term, temporary works all they life, also even if they have a good education. If some people expect to have full time permanent job before marriage, then kind of situations someone might never marry at all.
In Eastern culture having full time job is requirement for a man to get married. That's why I got married two weeks before my 27th birthday with my ex-classmate.

Frankly, without this requirement I could get married in early 22 with another girl. I still remember when that girl mother asked me "You still haven't had a job, but you want to marry my daughter?". And when my mother scolded me "You are still asking money from me, but you want to get married?!. Have your own income first, then you can do anything what you want..!!".

:D
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 09:36 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
In Eastern culture having full time job is requirement for a man to get married. That's why I got married two weeks before my 27th birthday with my ex-classmate.

Frankly, without this requirement I could get married in early 22 with another girl. I still remember when that girl mother asked me "You still haven't had a job, but you want to marry my daughter?". And when my mother scolded me "You are still asking money from me, but you want to get married?!. Have your own income first, then you can do anything what you want..!!".

:D

I don't think you understand what rukhsat is.

u can date or you can make rukhsat, its a matter of words ( will u marry me, yes, 2 witnesses, done ), parents will allow dating zina for their kids, but have a major issue with halaal.
Reply

ardianto
05-05-2016, 10:04 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
I don't think you understand what rukhsat is.

u can date or you can make rukhsat, its a matter of words ( will u marry me, yes, 2 witnesses, done ), parents will allow dating zina for their kids, but have a major issue with halaal.
From what you have written, rukhsat can be performed after the man and woman do nikah. In arranged marriage it can be done easily because parents from both parties agree with it. But in culture where a man must seek a wife by himself, situation is different. Many women parents require a man to have full time job if he want to do nikah with their daughter.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-05-2016, 10:10 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
From what you have written, rukhsat can be performed after the man and woman do nikah. In arranged marriage it can be done easily because parents from both parties agree with it. But in culture where a man must seek a wife by himself, situation is different. Many women parents require a man to have full time job if he want to do nikah with their daughter.
rukhsat is a form of nikah. spouses just live separate until they can manage to move in together.

Rasulullah (SAW) married Ayesha r.a. when she was 6, and they stayed together when she was 9
Reply

ardianto
05-05-2016, 10:17 AM
A man can get married if he already mature enough. However, in mostly cultures, the sign of maturity is not age, but a man ability to fulfill the wife's needs. A 18 years old man can be regarded as mature if he has able to fulfill the wife's needs, while 30 years old man can be regarded as still immature if he still haven't had enough income to fulfill the wife's needs. This is a cultural fact.
Reply

noraina
05-05-2016, 12:24 PM
Assalamu alaykum

Brother, may Allah SWT ease your struggles soon, this is a very real difficulty many young Muslims are facing.

In all honesty, forget what people ask, they will always have something to say lol no matter how settled you are. Continue to study, try to get some work experience, look out for a job, inshaAllah when you put the effort in and try hard Allah SWT will help you with the rest of your affairs - nothing ever goes to waste.

Do not worry yourself so much, you are educating and supporting yourself ma'sha'Allah, I know that would be a major positive point for many sisters and their parents. Make lots of duas - who knows, you may find things happening more quickly than expected. May Allah SWT give you barakah in your rizq and a loving and righteous spouse soon. :)
Reply

noraina
05-05-2016, 12:29 PM
Although, I just wanted to add, in my community rukhsat it very common, people tend to get married when they're around 18-20, sometimes they move in together immediately, other times they will live with their own parents for a couple of years before things are more settled.

Different cultures and communities really differ from one another, and the thing is no one is right or wrong - whatever works for you and as long as you are happy in the end, Alhamdulillah. :)
Reply

eastinwest
05-05-2016, 01:27 PM
not much 2-3 months I hope so. Yes I am doing Masters
Reply

eastinwest
05-05-2016, 01:29 PM
Not much 2-3 months until my graduation. Yes I am doing masters
Originally Posted by Bhabha
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I also face the same struggle lol. People are not interested in marrying someone who is still studying. Unfortunately and if you are doing graduate studies overseas, even less because technically we are not "financially" stable.

Although you are a guy and I am a girl, both face the same barriers for marriage.

How long until your schooling is finished ? Are you doing graduate studies?
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-24-2012, 05:23 PM
  2. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-04-2009, 06:03 PM
  3. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-11-2007, 08:20 PM

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!