Parents won't let me marry outside race

[Fay11344]

As-salamu alaykum brothers and sisters.
I am in need of some advice regarding getting married to a person my parents don't accept.

I am a 20 year old female and recently I was approached by a guy who I am known for 4 years, we talked about marriage and decided we wanted to get married.
I did istikhara and thought about it for a long time and everything came out positive.

The guy I want to marry is a different culture to me and he became muslim a few months ago. He prays and is learning the Quran everyday. He is 21 years of age and Is going university this September ( I am in my 1st year university). He is a well mannered, lovely guy and I truly believe he is good for me. Marrying him will strengthen my iman and make me a better person. He works and so do it do we have more than enough money to live a happy and comfortable life till we graduate and find jobs.
The problem is when I told my mom about him she was so negative about it. Merely based on the fact that we're from 2 different cultures, she saying he's too young, his parents aren't Muslim and she's making assumptions such as he'll beat you up, he'll take your kids away if you divorce, he'll make you stop university and stay at home for the rest of your life, his parents will hate you (his parents love me and are very positive towards the idea of us getting married), family and friends will think less of me if I marry him and I'll bring shame on the family all because he's a different race.she is trying to push me into marrying someone from my own race and even said she'll give my number to a few suitors even after I have refused. I have 2 older brother who let my mom down and I am the oldest sister of 4 younger sibling I have always been the one helping out with the younger siblings and keeping the family going so I feel like my mom is just taking advantage now. I have fulfilled all my duties as a sister and a daughter and I feel like it's time for me to let go and start my life. I am very mature and understand that getting married is a very big step.
My moms done istikhara as well and said hers was negative but I read somewhere that someone else can't do istikhara for you because they don't understand the situation as well as you.
My Mom also said if I do go ahead with this then I'll have to call my dad and ask him myself she won't help me or talk to him for me and even if he says no then she'll disown me an move back to Africa and take the kids with her.
I don't know what else to do, I really want to marry this person because I feel like he's right for me in this Dunya and hereafter but at the same time I don't wanna give my mom any more trouble and disappoint her like my brothers and I don't want her moving away and leaving me here all alone. I don't know what else to do I'm very stuck.
P.s my mom has never met this guy and is basing everything on the fact that he's from a different race.
Please give me some advice and let me know if you need any more info.

[Bhabha]

What race is he from?

[Fay11344]

He's Mauritian

[Fay11344]

He's marutian

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Misbah0411]

If he became a Muslim just a few months ago then give him some time to settle in his new iman. You want to see the consistency and body of work of his deeds. Marriage is a big decision and commitment especially when you both will be going to school. Also, if you were insistent that he has to be a Muslim before you can even entertain the thought of marrying him, make sure his intentions were purely for the sake of Allah and not for worldly reasons, i.e. you.

[EgyptPrincess]

As-salamu alaykum brothers and sisters.
I am in need of some advice regarding getting married to a person my parents don't accept.

I am a 20 year old female and recently I was approached by a guy who I am known for 4 years, we talked about marriage and decided we wanted to get married.
I did istikhara and thought about it for a long time and everything came out positive.

The guy I want to marry is a different culture to me and he became muslim a few months ago. He prays and is learning the Quran everyday. He is 21 years of age and Is going university this September ( I am in my 1st year university). He is a well mannered, lovely guy and I truly believe he is good for me. Marrying him will strengthen my iman and make me a better person. He works and so do it do we have more than enough money to live a happy and comfortable life till we graduate and find jobs.
The problem is when I told my mom about him she was so negative about it. Merely based on the fact that we're from 2 different cultures, she saying he's too young, his parents aren't Muslim and she's making assumptions such as he'll beat you up, he'll take your kids away if you divorce, he'll make you stop university and stay at home for the rest of your life, his parents will hate you (his parents love me and are very positive towards the idea of us getting married), family and friends will think less of me if I marry him and I'll bring shame on the family all because he's a different race.she is trying to push me into marrying someone from my own race and even said she'll give my number to a few suitors even after I have refused. I have 2 older brother who let my mom down and I am the oldest sister of 4 younger sibling I have always been the one helping out with the younger siblings and keeping the family going so I feel like my mom is just taking advantage now. I have fulfilled all my duties as a sister and a daughter and I feel like it's time for me to let go and start my life. I am very mature and understand that getting married is a very big step.
My moms done istikhara as well and said hers was negative but I read somewhere that someone else can't do istikhara for you because they don't understand the situation as well as you.
My Mom also said if I do go ahead with this then I'll have to call my dad and ask him myself she won't help me or talk to him for me and even if he says no then she'll disown me an move back to Africa and take the kids with her.
I don't know what else to do, I really want to marry this person because I feel like he's right for me in this Dunya and hereafter but at the same time I don't wanna give my mom any more trouble and disappoint her like my brothers and I don't want her moving away and leaving me here all alone. I don't know what else to do I'm very stuck.
P.s my mom has never met this guy and is basing everything on the fact that he's from a different race.
Please give me some advice and let me know if you need any more info.

Parents dictating who you can and cannot fall in love with. Just like mine.

Honestly if it was me I would go ahead and marry him because it is what YOU want. You do not live to please your parents. If they disagree with your decision then that's their problem.

[Fay11344]

He has been interested in Islam for over 6 years (well before he met me) but was scared of how his parents would react, now he's old enough to take care of himself, he went through with it. I would never even entertain the idea of marrying someone who became a Muslim for the sake of marrying me.

[Fay11344]

But I don't want to lose my relationship with my mom, i need their help and support.

[ConcealedGem]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته sis


subhan Allah this is so coming amongst the Muslim community. Do you have any interracial marriages in your family? Do you have an older brother/uncle you can speak too? Maybe they can persuade your mum to have a look.. Maybe when she sees him and his akhlaq she will change her mind. Also make loads of dua to Allah.

[Fay11344]

I have older brothers but my relationship with them isn't very good. We don't have anyone else here except for my immediate family. I don't want to bring him to meet her, if she's just going to be rude and disrespectful to him. He's a human being and he doesn't deserve to be treated like trash.

[hisnameiszzz]

But I don't want to lose my relationship with my mom, i need their help and support.

Hello dear.

You said it right there.

What's more important to you? Your Mom or him?

Give it time dear. He only recently converted. If in a years time he has become a wonderful young Muslim man, your Mom might change her mind about him.

You are also quite young. Are you fully ready to get married? There is no huge rush is there?

Don't blame your Mom. It's their job to worry about us all the time. She is probably looking out for you in her weird wonderful way.

Please don't worry too much. This is normal. I am Indian. I have 2 friends both Indian. 1 married a Bangladeshi girl and his Mom threw him out. They didn't talk or see each other for 5 years but are now happy family. My other friend married a white girl. His Mom cut all ties with him and refused to speak to him. She still doesn't talk to him and he is not welcome in her house.