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being_forced
05-09-2016, 10:59 AM
My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:(:Emoji10:
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EgyptPrincess
05-09-2016, 11:25 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:(:Emoji10:
Salaam sister, I know exactly how it feels to be forced to do something you don't want. You deserve to be happy, tell your husband that you don't need to wear it every second of everyday.

I don't know what else to suggested sister but to stand your ground, this will be the only thing that works. What next when he tells you that you can't do this or can't go there? The forcefulness will surely get worse.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 11:28 AM
Thanku for ur sweet reply. I've tried talking to him about it. But he isn't listening. I love him. Want to make him happy. But this forcefullness is making me extremely unhappy.
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 11:28 AM
He is only doing what Allah swt orders, and he is right in wanting you to wear hijab. So honestly, he's only looking out for your own goodness. Do it for Allah, and help him fulfill his responsibilities as a husband.
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crimsontide06
05-09-2016, 11:31 AM
You should want to wear hijab because you want to please Allah and obey him...

Being forced to wear it defeats the purpose. There is a difference between encouraging someone/trying to help someone change/do something, and forcing someone to do something that is not in their heart.
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EgyptPrincess
05-09-2016, 11:36 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by crimsontide06
You should want to wear hijab because you want to please Allah and obey him...

Being forced to wear it defeats the purpose. There is a difference between encouraging someone/trying to help someone change/do something, and forcing someone to do something that is not in their heart.
Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband :o
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Kiro
05-09-2016, 11:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband :o
brah Muslim husbands have to do stuff for the women like spend on you

if you want food, takeaway that man has to do it

if you want clothes then he has to buy it for you

smh
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noraina
05-09-2016, 11:43 AM
Assalamu alaykum,

Sister, one thing I will say is that he should not be forcing you or pressurising you to do anything, even with matters concerning the Deen to gently advise and guide is the best way to go.

However, I will say the fact he is so concerned (even though he might be going about it the wrong way) is because he feels protective towards you and wants to preserve your honour, and that is a positive thing, isn't it? It is better than some men who use their wives as decorative pieces to show off to society - he is concerned about your Deen, if you look at it from that way it was ill seem better.

SubhanAllah, some sisters struggle so much to be able to wear the hijab, and their families and husbands force them to not wear it, take this as a opportunity to read about this subject a little more. You shouldn't do something because you are forced, and you shouldn't reject it either from not knowing. Try and read up on the position of hijab in Islam, why it is so important and liberating for Muslim women, look up Islamic videos, inshaAllah you'll understand why it is mandated.
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EgyptPrincess
05-09-2016, 12:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
brah Muslim husbands have to do stuff for the women like spend on you

if you want food, takeaway that man has to do it

if you want clothes then he has to buy it for you

smh
You act like women are not capable of feeding or clothing themselves. Let me tell you something, long gone are the days when women was as the man's mercy and just cleaning and cooking and being a housewife.

Women now are going out and getting educations and careers, becoming independent and so don't need to rely on men as much and men hate that... They're so scared that women are becoming less dependant on them.

Obviously things change when we have children because now we must give up our careers to raise the children and in return the husband now provides financially. Men just assume that when you're married they have control over you like a robot lol, no chance mate.
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Kiro
05-09-2016, 12:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You act like women are not capable of feeding or clothing themselves. Let me tell you something, long gone are the days when women was as the man's mercy and just cleaning and cooking and being a housewife.

Women now are going out and getting educations and careers, becoming independent and so don't need to rely on men as much and men hate that... They're so scared that women are becoming less dependant on them.

Obviously things change when we have children because now we must give up our careers to raise the children and in return the husband now provides financially. Men just assume that when you're married they have control over you like a robot lol, no chance mate.
are you a drama queen? i think u misread my post and maybe overeacted

my post just meant, husbands have some rights over the wife and the wife has some rights over the husband

so in some ways, the wife is like the boss ;D
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EgyptPrincess
05-09-2016, 12:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro

my post just meant, husbands have some rights over the wife and the wife has some rights over the husband
Yes 1,400 years ago when the Quran was revealed this was the norm. Women are housewives and men bring in the food and provide shelter and security etc. This is not the case any more, times have changed.

I believe a man and a women both have the responsibility to create a stable home where both provide to the best of their ability. They treat each other equally and support each other where it's needed.

A man must do x y and z
A women must a b and c

That is old school hun, get with the times.
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Serinity
05-09-2016, 12:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband :o
You've gotten Islam and culture mixed. In Islam, one's wife isn't husband's slave. Or vica versa. Both man and woman has the obligation to seek knowledge, to educate themselves.

The Quran is timeless, and its laws fit all times.

both man and woman, are slaves of Allah SWT. And we are commanded to be just to our wives. you talk as if a wife is husband's slaves. Which isn't the case.

If a husband says to wear Hijab, which is a commandment of Allah SWT. If you don't you disobey Allah SWT. But if a husband says to do wrong, and you don't, then you are obeying Allah SWT.

A wife and a husband, afaik, is eachother's garment. They both have rights which suit them best.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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Serinity
05-09-2016, 01:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:(:Emoji10:
Why do you want to not wear Hijab?
Reply

Kiro
05-09-2016, 01:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess


That is old school hun, get with the times.
hun, you're taking me too seriously with these essays of yours

men and women both have responsibilities and rolez
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 02:16 PM
I just need some time to be able to adapt to it. Slowly and gradually. I've already started it. In my daily routine. For when i go to work. And when i go out for my classes. And I'm out for both these things for most part of my day. 7 days a week. I just want to take it off for family occasions and our wedding ceremony.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 02:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Why do you want to not wear Hijab?
I just need some time to be able to adapt to it. Slowly and gradually. I've already started it. In my daily routine. For when i go to work. And when i go out for my classes. And I'm out for both these things for most part of my day. 7 days a week. I just want to take it off for family occasions and our wedding ceremony.
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 02:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
He is only doing what Allah swt orders, and he is right in wanting you to wear hijab. So honestly, he's only looking out for your own goodness. Do it for Allah, and help him fulfill his responsibilities as a husband.
Does Allah order that people have to do this and that because someone force them to do so - like following religion and its rules even when it doesn´t come from their own will and heart? Have it any meaning for Allah then if we do this or that because someone force us to do so? Is there a compulsion in the religion?

If your fiance loves you, he also has to learn to respect you and listen you. Later, in marriage, kind of lesson might be much harder to learn than it is now.
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 02:28 PM
Sister herb, we'r not sure if he 'forced' or is just advising her (even though constantly). He's only doing what he's supposed to, so that his wife doesnt walk around bare-headed in public.

If he doesnt do his duty of reminding her and teaching her about Islam then he will be held responsible by Allah. The ayah about there is no compulsion in religion refers to non-muslims - they dont have to accept Islam by force, it is up to them.
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 02:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You act like women are not capable of feeding or clothing themselves. Let me tell you something, long gone are the days when women was as the man's mercy and just cleaning and cooking and being a housewife.

Women now are going out and getting educations and careers, becoming independent and so don't need to rely on men as much and men hate that... They're so scared that women are becoming less dependant on them.

Obviously things change when we have children because now we must give up our careers to raise the children and in return the husband now provides financially. Men just assume that when you're married they have control over you like a robot lol, no chance mate.
Sure, women can work and feed themselves, looking after the financial duties of the house their whole lives, no problem. But remember she is not compelled to do all that in Islam.

In Islam the financial duties lays upon the husband, it will be his responsibility, but if you want to contribute, then do so, it is up to you but you'r doing it voluntarily, not as an Islamic duty.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 02:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Sister herb, we'r not sure if he 'forced' or is just advising her (even though constantly). He's only doing what he's supposed to, so that his wife doesnt walk around bare-headed in public.

If he doesnt do his duty of reminding her and teaching her about Islam then he will be held responsible by Allah. The ayah about there is no compulsion in religion refers to non-muslims - they dont have to accept Islam by force, it is up to them.
Reminding me and teaching me is one thing. Forcing is another. There's a difference between both.
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 02:35 PM
Yep I agree but it´s good to remind him (and every others too) that he as well will be responsible to Allah if he force others to do something against their will. You know, hijab isn´t more than just a piece of cloth if we use it because of any other purpose than please Allah and this pleasing have to come from our heart - voluntarily.

As I have understood, we don´t talk here only about using or not using hijab but more about the situation is it ok to force someone to do something (when it goes to religion).
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 02:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Reminding me and teaching me is one thing. Forcing is another. There's a difference between both.
Alright, point taken, I agree he should advise with kindness.

Sister, please do it for Allah's sake you will be the better person.
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 02:40 PM
Sister herb, I can understand if it is a child then we talk about not forcing, but here the sister is an adult and she should take it upon herself to follow Islamic teachings for the love of Allah.

The issue of discussing about 'force' will come into play when we talk/advise the husband directly.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 02:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Sister herb, I can understand if it is a child then we talk about not forcing, but here the sister is an adult and she should take it upon herself to follow Islamic teachings for the love of Allah.

The issue of discussing about 'force' will come into play when we talk/advise the husband directly.
Exactly. I should take it upon myself. I'm answerable for my own deeds. For my pardah so is he. But if I'm not doing it with all my heart and if I'm not doing it for Allah. What difference does it make? Inamal ammal o binniyat
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Serinity
05-09-2016, 02:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Exactly. I should take it upon myself. I'm answerable for my own deeds. For my pardah so is he. But if I'm not doing it with all my heart and if I'm not doing it for Allah. What difference does it make? Inamal ammal o binniyat
So you are saying you are sinning for the sake of Allah? WHat?
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 03:02 PM
^ You misunderstood the meaning of the sentence.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
So you are saying you are sinning for the sake of Allah? WHat?
I clearly said. That if I'm doing hijab out of force and not out of love for Allah. Then what good is that? Since actions are based on intentions. As the hadith goes "Inamal ammal o binniyat"
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 03:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Sister herb, I can understand if it is a child then we talk about not forcing, but here the sister is an adult and she should take it upon herself to follow Islamic teachings for the love of Allah.
Yes, because of her´s own will, not because someone else tries to force her.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I clearly said. That if I'm doing hijab out of force and not out of love for Allah. Then what good is that? Since actions are based on intentions. As the hadith goes "Inamal ammal o binniyat"
correction: deeds are judged on intentions and not actions
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 03:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Exactly. I should take it upon myself. I'm answerable for my own deeds. For my pardah so is he. But if I'm not doing it with all my heart and if I'm not doing it for Allah. What difference does it make? Inamal ammal o binniyat
Think about it like this, that Allah has put a responsibility on his shoulders as head of the household, then you will understand him better.

Now, sister, you being an adult, Im sure you can understand better about your own deeni responsibilities, you would want the best, right?
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Think about it like this, that Allah has put a responsibility on his shoulders as head of the household, then you will understand him better.

Now, sister, you being an adult, Im sure you can understand better about your own deeni responsibilities, you would want the best, right?
But him forcing me is pushing me away. Is making me hate this. He's my fiance not my husband. He should give me time. And guide me. Not force me. Change comes gradually. And from within. Not by force.
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Bhabha
05-09-2016, 03:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I just need some time to be able to adapt to it. Slowly and gradually. I've already started it. In my daily routine. For when i go to work. And when i go out for my classes. And I'm out for both these things for most part of my day. 7 days a week. I just want to take it off for family occasions and our wedding ceremony.
Your wedding ceremony can be segregated so that you don't need to wear the hijab :p and you don't need to wear hijab if you are in front of your brothers, sisters, father or mother ! Or your female relatives.

He is just looking out for you. There are some hijab designs that you could ask him to get for you! Specially not to wear the pins. I don't like wearing pins for my hijab because I feel like I am a walking accident. So I got these nice under ninja scarfs and on top I wear loose scarfs that match my abaya

http://m.aliexpress.com/item/3251427...aff_platform=y

Like this ninja scarf comes in so many colours !

This is also a beautiful selection of hijab safe clothing :)

https://m.hijup.com/en
https://www.inayah.co

Ohh! And also the abayas are so cute ! When I started wearing the hijab I went a little crazy getting abayas..... Lol cause they are so classic and you can wear your normal clothes on the bottom and when you get to your friends house you just take it off and hang out.
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 03:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
But him forcing me is pushing me away. Is making me hate this. He's my fiance not my husband. He should give me time. And guide me. Not force me. Change comes gradually. And from within. Not by force.
You have to talk with him seriously. And force him to listen if he doesn´t do it voluntarily. As a taste his own medicine. If he doesn´t listen your words, write a letter.
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ardianto
05-09-2016, 03:38 PM
I've ever married for almost 19 years until my wife passed away in 2013 in age 45. Yes, my wife was Muslim woman, but she wore hijab only in the last two years in her life. Actually she started thinking to wear hijab few years before after many women around her started wearing hijab. Her friends often told her that she already dressed modestly, and would be perfect if she wore hijab. But if she needed few years before she wore hijab, it's because I never forced her to wear hijab. I understood what made her hesitate to wear hijab, and I didn’t want to force her.

My wife was beautiful woman. People praised her beauty since she was little girl. She was happy with it. But it also made her grew up as a woman who her confidence really depend on her beauty. That’s why she hesitate to wear hijab. She was afraid, wearing hijab would reduce her beauty. And this is also the cause that make some women hesitate to wear hijab.

Actually my wife started to wear hijab because situation. She was attacked by breast cancer that made her must get chemoteraphy. It made her lost her hair. So she wore hijab although she felt very uncomfortable. Not so long her hair began to grow, and she started to thinking to remove her hijab. But something happened in Sunday afternoon, that made her change her mind and decided to still wear hijab.

I will never forget that afternoon, when I entered our room and I saw her sat in front of mirror. She wore hijab. I noticed her for few moments. She knew it, and she asked me, “Do I look beautiful with hijab?”. I smile and answer, “Yes. You look beautiful with hijab”. She was surprised, and she asked again, “Really?”. I answer by smile and nod. She was thinking for a moment, and asked again while smile, “Do you want me to always look beautiful?”. I laugh because I knew what she want.

So after maghrib we and our children went to Muslima boutique in a mall. I told her to pick few dresses, but she told me, one was enough for that moment, and she would buy again next days. We back to our home. She immediately entered the bedroom, and when she out, she already wore the Muslima dress that she bought. She walked in the family room, smile at me, and asked me by her eyes, “Do I look beautiful?”. And I answer by my smile, “Yes honey. You look so beautiful with hijab”.

That was the moment when my beloved wife decided to wear hijab. She has realized that hijab made her look beautiful. She was sure because she knew it from me, the husband who she loved.

That is the husband must do, assure his wife that hijab make her beautiful. If she feel sure, then she would wear hijab happily.

Yes, women should not be forced. But women should be understood. Try to understand a woman. Then she will love you from the deepest of her heart.

:)
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
Your wedding ceremony can be segregated so that you don't need to wear the hijab :p and you don't need to wear hijab if you are in front of your brothers, sisters, father or mother ! Or your female relatives.

He is just looking out for you. There are some hijab designs that you could ask him to get for you! Specially not to wear the pins. I don't like wearing pins for my hijab because I feel like I am a walking accident. So I got these nice under ninja scarfs and on top I wear loose scarfs that match my abay

Like this ninja scarf comes in so many colours !

This is also a beautiful selection of hijab safe clothing :)

Ohh! And also the abayas are so cute ! When I started wearing the hijab I went a little crazy getting abayas..... Lol cause they are so classic and you can wear your normal clothes on the bottom and when you get to your friends house you just take it off and hang out.
egregated weddings aren't possible in my culture ������ it's just that i had this image in my head of how i wanted to look. And that inage isn't fitting u the hijab ������ its just for a couple of hours. Why doesn't my happiness matter to him? I'm a human. I can't be perfect. ������
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
I've ever married for almost 19 years until my wife passed away in 2013 in age 45. Yes, my wife was Muslim woman, but she wore hijab only in the last two years in her life. Actually she started thinking to wear hijab few years before after many women around her started wearing hijab. Her friends often told her that she already dressed modestly, and would be perfect if she wore hijab. But if she needed few years before she wore hijab, it's because I never forced her to wear hijab. I understood what made her hesitate to wear hijab, and I didn’t want to force her.

My wife was beautiful woman. People praised her beauty since she was little girl. She was happy with it. But it also made her grew up as a woman who her confidence really depend on her beauty. That’s why she hesitate to wear hijab. She was afraid, wearing hijab would reduce her beauty. And this is also the cause that make some women hesitate to wear hijab.

Actually my wife started to wear hijab because situation. She was attacked by breast cancer that made her must get chemoteraphy. It made her lost her hair. So she wore hijab although she felt very uncomfortable. Not so long her hair began to grow, and she started to thinking to remove her hijab. But something happened in Sunday afternoon, that made her change her mind and decided to still wear hijab.

I will never forget that afternoon, when I entered our room and I saw her sat in front of mirror. She wore hijab. I noticed her for few moments. She knew it, and she asked me, “Do I look beautiful with hijab?”. I smile and answer, “Yes. You look beautiful with hijab”. She was surprised, and she asked again, “Really?”. I answer by smile and nod. She was thinking for a moment, and asked again while smile, “Do you want me to always look beautiful?”. I laugh because I knew what she want.

So after maghrib we and our children went to Muslima boutique in a mall. I told her to pick few dresses, but she told me, one was enough for that moment, and she would buy again next days. We back to our home. She immediately entered the bedroom, and when she out, she already wore the Muslima dress that she bought. She walked in the family room, smile at me, and asked me by her eyes, “Do I look beautiful?”. And I answer by my smile, “Yes honey. You look so beautiful with hijab”.

That was the moment when my beloved wife decided to wear hijab. She has realized that hijab made her look beautiful. She was sure because she knew it from me, the husband who she loved.

That is the husband must do, assure his wife that hijab make her beautiful. If she feel sure, then she would wear hijab happily.

Yes, women should not be forced. But women should be understood. Try to understand a woman. Then she will love you from the deepest of her heart.

:)
Very encouraging post. The best part is. U never forced her. And she accepted hijab herself. In her own time. :)
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Bhabha
05-09-2016, 03:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
egregated weddings aren't possible in my culture í*½í¸¢ it's just that i had this image in my head of how i wanted to look. And that inage isn't fitting u the hijab í*½í¸¢ its just for a couple of hours. Why doesn't my happiness matter to him? I'm a human. I can't be perfect. í*½í¸¢
What culture are you from?
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 03:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
But him forcing me is pushing me away. Is making me hate this. He's my fiance not my husband. He should give me time. And guide me. Not force me. Change comes gradually. And from within. Not by force.
Have you talked this with him? And how does he respond?
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
What culture are you from?
Pakistan.
Here u don't see brides wearing hijab.
And the kind of bridal dresses available in our culture. They don't go with the hijab :/
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Have you talked this with him? And how does he respond?
He gets extremely stern :'(
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Umm Abed
05-09-2016, 03:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
He gets extremely stern :'(
When is your wedding suppose to take place?

I think you should postpone it. What do you think?
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Bhabha
05-09-2016, 03:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Pakistan.
Here u don't see brides wearing hijab.
And the kind of bridal dresses available in our culture. They don't go with the hijab :/
Well if he's asking you to wear the hijab on your wedding but doesn't want to have the wedding segregated that's a little confusing ..... A man who wants his wife to practice Islam will ensure that she enjoys the wedding AND it is segregated.
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sister herb
05-09-2016, 03:53 PM
^ You better not to talk with him about using hijab but tell him that forcing makes you feel unhappy.
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hisnameiszzz
05-09-2016, 03:56 PM
If you are disagreeing with him so much over this, are you sure he is the one for you? It's your fiancee right and not your husband? What if he forces you to do other things once you are married (Islamic or just normal things even), would it be worth getting married to him?

I'm not a lady, I don't understand the issues of why some ladies want to have their uncovered at times and not at others. I won't go there.

However, if you do cover your hair, don't do it for him, do it for your Allah. There was a bayaan a few years ago and since then the girl next door (not the oppressive evil jaheel side, the other side) has worn a scarf. She never wore one before and had her hair done in all kinds of fancy manners each day. Since that bayaan not a day has gone when she has not had her scarf on. Even if she goes out to throw the dustbin, she will have her scarf on. Even at weddings, when all her friends are there without scarves, she will have one on. She is not married or engaged, fully single, and she must have done it to please her Creator.

Good luck though and I hope it goes OK for you. All the best.
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
Well if he's asking you to wear the hijab on your wedding but doesn't want to have the wedding segregated that's a little confusing ..... A man who wants his wife to practice Islam will ensure that she enjoys the wedding AND it is segregated.
He's a very good man. He wants a segregated wedding. But it's just not possible. That's how our society is. :/
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Kiro
05-09-2016, 03:58 PM
ms are you religious? are you starting to become practising?

i need to know where you stand to fully understand your situation
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being_forced
05-09-2016, 03:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by hisnameiszzz
If you are disagreeing with him so much over this, are you sure he is the one for you? It's your fiancee right and not your husband? What if he forces you to do other things once you are married (Islamic or just normal things even), would it be worth getting married to him?

I'm not a lady, I don't understand the issues of why some ladies want to have their uncovered at times and not at others. I won't go there.

However, if you do cover your hair, don't do it for him, do it for your Allah. There was a bayaan a few years ago and since then the girl next door (not the oppressive evil jaheel side, the other side) has worn a scarf. She never wore one before and had her hair done in all kinds of fancy manners each day. Since that bayaan not a day has gone when she has not had her scarf on. Even if she goes out to throw the dustbin, she will have her scarf on. Even at weddings, when all her friends are there without scarves, she will have one on. She is not married or engaged, fully single, and she must have done it to please her Creator.

Good luck though and I hope it goes OK for you. All the best.
Thanku. Yes i need to think about this.
Reply

Bhabha
05-09-2016, 04:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
He's a very good man. He wants a segregated wedding. But it's just not possible. That's how our society is. :/
I'm a westerner if that's even considered a culture and I will have a segregated wedding. Do you mean to tell me Pakistani people who are more Muslim than westerners refuse to have a segregated wedding?
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 04:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
ms are you religious? are you starting to become practising?

i need to know where you stand to fully understand your situation
I pray regularly. I try my best to be kind with people around on me. Whether they are an office peon of the cfo. I have started covering my head i.e the hijab (on his forcefulness) for most part of my time. I used to dress modestly before as well. I just want to take it off occasionally. Like at my own wedding. Or my cousin's or sister's wedding. These things happen once in a blue moon. I just want to look pretty. My definition of pretty.
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 04:03 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
I'm a westerner if that's even considered a culture and I will have a segregated wedding. Do you mean to tell me Pakistani people who are more Muslim than westerners refuse to have a segregated wedding?
We have segregated weddings, as in there will be a partition in the marriage hall. But no body really follows the partition :/
Reply

Kiro
05-09-2016, 04:10 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I pray regularly. I try my best to be kind with people around on me. Whether they are an office peon of the cfo. I have started covering my head i.e the hijab (on his forcefulness) for most part of my time. I used to dress modestly before as well. I just want to take it off occasionally. Like at my own wedding. Or my cousin's or sister's wedding. These things happen once in a blue moon. I just want to look pretty. My definition of pretty.
what do you mean occasionally? you only need to wear it in front of non-mahrams

and regularly as in exactly 5 times a day?
Reply

ardianto
05-09-2016, 04:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Pakistan.
Here u don't see brides wearing hijab.
And the kind of bridal dresses available in our culture. They don't go with the hijab :/
Yes, I know. I often watch videos from Pakistan, including wedding videos.
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
what do you mean occasionally? you only need to wear it in front of non-mahrams
in our culture, in the wedding ceremonies, mehrams and na mehrams are together, for example, my cousins are na mehrams, but in weddings everyone can see and talk to eachother
Reply

Bhabha
05-09-2016, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
in our culture, in the wedding ceremonies, mehrams and na mehrams are together, for example, my cousins are na mehrams, but in weddings everyone can see and talk to eachother
I don't like this. Lol never marrying a Pakistani boy [emoji39]
Reply

sister herb
05-09-2016, 04:12 PM
I see it´s strange that culture has so big role when getting marriage, not only the religion. But I think it´s same with every religions. Anyways, that was off topic comment (sorry Mods).
Reply

Kiro
05-09-2016, 04:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
in our culture, in the wedding ceremonies, mehrams and na mehrams are together, for example, my cousins are na mehrams, but in weddings everyone can see and talk to eachother
is the wedding segregated? so males only section and females only section or can non-mahrams see you?
Reply

hisnameiszzz
05-09-2016, 04:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
in our culture, in the wedding ceremonies, mehrams and na mehrams are together, for example, my cousins are na mehrams, but in weddings everyone can see and talk to eachother
Depends how religious you are etc. Some people will have absolutely NO mingling of men and women. Some will have some mingling. Some will have an all out party including dancers and drummers.

If it's your wedding, you put the rules down!
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 06:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by hisnameiszzz
Depends how religious you are etc. Some people will have absolutely NO mingling of men and women. Some will have some mingling. Some will have an all out party including dancers and drummers.

If it's your wedding, you put the rules down!
If only i could do that :(
Reply

crimsontide06
05-09-2016, 06:20 PM
Where did "obedience to the husband" ever show up in my post?? You read way too much into simple things. I did talk about obedience....to Allah. I even said in another post that it defeats the purpose of any religious action if they are forced to do it. If you love Allah, then you would do the action without question, if you don't then you won't. No one should force anything.


format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband :o
Reply

noraina
05-09-2016, 06:25 PM
Oh gosh, Pakistani and Afghani weddings....astaghfirullah. To make them halal is a struggle, smh.
Reply

Kiro
05-09-2016, 06:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
If only i could do that :(
just have a segregated wedding

problem solved

remember, Allah always comes first
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 06:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by noraina
Oh gosh, Pakistani and Afghani weddings....astaghfirullah. To make them halal is a struggle, smh.
Pray for me
Reply

noraina
05-09-2016, 06:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Pray for me
Sis, may Allah SWT relieve you of any hardship and give you ease, it is always good to read istikhara before such big decisions in life :).

I understand how you might have not much control over the actual wedding arrangements, but usually the bride has a say in what she wears. InshaAllah, if you requested for slightly loose-fitting, full-sleeved clothing I'm sure they would listen. And yes the man you are engaged to should not be forcing Islam upon you, but continue to try to wear the hijab and read up on the reasons why it is mandated, not because he says so but for yourself. :)
Reply

Serinity
05-09-2016, 06:52 PM
:salams

A halal wedding is blessed, compared to a wedding where there is disobedience to Allah SWT. Afaik. Allahu alam.
Reply

piXie
05-09-2016, 07:00 PM
:sl:

It is clear that you and your fiancé are both at different levels in your religious commitment and this is already causing conflict. If you are not ready and are unhappy, he is not obliged to wait for you or force you, he should find someone else.
Reply

Search
05-09-2016, 07:38 PM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Hey, sweetie, welcome to IB! Hope you have a great stay here and benefit others and are also benefited!

I understand your situation and sympathize. Typically, women like being persuaded to accept any potential concerns from a future marital partner if they are framed as requests and not demands.

Personally, I think hijabs and niqabs are beautiful, and they are a women's personal communication of "I love you Allah" to God each and everyday; that said, I understand completely that not all women are ready for that type of commitment. To be honest, I think it is at least partially both your faults because he seems to want to change you as he's thinking to marry the potential in you to become the marital partner he would love to have and not the person you are, and if you accept to go forward with this marriage you're sending the message that you're acquiescing to him marrying your potential and not who you are right now. So, really, both of you need to have open and healthy dialogue about each of your expectations in marriage and recognize that your issue with hijab is a manifestation of the real problem that needs tackling before marriage, which is two different levels of religious commitment and different outlooks on how the other should behave inside and outside of marriage. While I accept hijab to be a beautiful mandate in Islam, I personally believe forcing a woman to adopt hijab when she has not been raised to adopt so on her own defeats the spiritual purpose of hijab which is to signify willing submission and love and respect to an All-Merciful God.

That said, dearest sister, please do not use what I've said as a get-out-of-wearing hijab freebie because I want you to know that you have a beautiful duty to the One who nurtured and loved you from before you were born and to Whom you will return one day to do what is utmost pleasing to Him SWT. Even if you decide to not wear the hijab right now, please at least make the beautiful intention to do so in the future for the sake of Allah SWT and ask Allah SWT to guide you and make it easy for you the hijab as we're all struggling servants of God and it is only with the grace of Allah that we're able to make a better change in ourselves and turn ourselves towards a better spiritual direction on the Straight Path. So, make fervent duas (supplications).

Wishing you all the happiness and awesomeness,

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:(:Emoji10:
Reply

Search
05-09-2016, 08:01 PM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)


Dearest sister, welcome to IB!

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband :o
Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." Some men, Muslim or non-Muslim, may treat their marital partners dishonorably, but that does not mean that is what Islam teaches humankind. Islam endorses women's rights and for a woman's dignity and self-respect to be maintained as that woman is a slave of God before being a wife to a human being. Please, dearest sister, learn to make a distinction between what some bad Muslim men do as husbands and what good Muslim men do as husbands. Islam teaches ihsan (excellence), and this excellence encompasses thoughts, intentions, actions, and character, and that excellence extends to how we think about and treat our family and friends and neighbors and non-Muslims.

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You act like women are not capable of feeding or clothing themselves. Let me tell you something, long gone are the days when women was as the man's mercy and just cleaning and cooking and being a housewife.

Women now are going out and getting educations and careers, becoming independent and so don't need to rely on men as much and men hate that... They're so scared that women are becoming less dependant on them.

Obviously things change when we have children because now we must give up our careers to raise the children and in return the husband now provides financially. Men just assume that when you're married they have control over you like a robot lol, no chance mate.
I'm an educated, independent woman myself. That said, dearest sister, I don't use this position or this privilege into believing that I'm superior than men or even that men are scared of me becoming less dependent on them. Rather, I place my worth and value in knowing that my education and independence allows me to be in a position of helping and benefiting others and I see service to plants, animals, jinn, and mankind as service to Allah because Allah likes service to His creation as service to Him. Islam does not envision a gender war or competition; rather, Islam envisions all human beings working together for the mutual benefit of one another and male and female are supposed to aid one another in a marriage in becoming their best selves in the material and spiritual planes to be benefited here and hereafter. If we make everything a competition, we'll be incapable of seeing the unique beauty and strengths and weaknesses gifted to each gender to complement one another. Both the female and male should feel as if they're winning in a marriage, otherwise they both lose, and such marriages usually then end up in divorce with only regrets and recriminations left.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 08:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Hey, sweetie, welcome to IB! Hope you have a great stay here and benefit others and are also benefited!

I understand your situation and sympathize. Typically, women like being persuaded to accept any potential concerns from a future marital partner if they are framed as requests and not demands.

Personally, I think hijabs and niqabs are beautiful, and they are a women's personal communication of "I love you Allah" to God each and everyday; that said, I understand completely that not all women are ready for that type of commitment. To be honest, I think it is at least partially both your faults because he seems to want to change you as he's thinking to marry the potential in you to become the marital partner he would love to have and not the person you are, and if you accept to go forward with this marriage you're sending the message that you're acquiescing to him marrying your potential and not who you are right now. So, really, both of you need to have open and healthy dialogue about each of your expectations in marriage and recognize that your issue with hijab is a manifestation of the real problem that needs tackling before marriage, which is two different levels of religious commitment and different outlooks on how the other should behave inside and outside of marriage. While I accept hijab to be a beautiful mandate in Islam, I personally believe forcing a woman to adopt hijab when she has not been raised to adopt so on her own defeats the spiritual purpose of hijab which is to signify willing submission and love and respect to an All-Merciful God.

That said, dearest sister, please do not use what I've said as a get-out-of-wearing hijab freebie because I want you to know that you have a beautiful duty to the One who nurtured and loved you from before you were born and to Whom you will return one day to do what is utmost pleasing to Him SWT. Even if you decide to not wear the hijab right now, please at least make the beautiful intention to do so in the future for the sake of Allah SWT and ask Allah SWT to guide you and make it easy for you the hijab as we're all struggling servants of God and it is only with the grace of Allah that we're able to make a better change in ourselves and turn ourselves towards a better spiritual direction on the Straight Path. So, make fervent duas (supplications).

Wishing you all the happiness and awesomeness,

:wa: (And peace be upon you)
Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-09-2016, 08:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad
It sounds like you're a bit embarrassed from it actually... It's not so much that your husband is forcing you to wear it because you wear it outside, at work, at your classes without problems but when you go to see your family who are not Muslims? You don't want to wear it. You are worried about what they will think about it?

It's only a head scarf... not like he's asking you to wear burka or niqab lol. I wear it when I leave the house then take it off when I am outside :) I like my beautiful hair to get some sunlight.

Sister I don't know what to suggest, he really is asking a very basic requirement from you. Try to wear it casually.
Reply

Search
05-09-2016, 09:04 PM
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)


format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad
:wa:
Reply

Serinity
05-09-2016, 09:15 PM
:salam:

What is soo hard in wearing a hijab?

you can take it off before mahrams, but before non mahrams, you have to have them on.
Reply

Misbah0411
05-09-2016, 09:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by hisnameiszzz
Depends how religious you are etc. Some people will have absolutely NO mingling of men and women. Some will have some mingling. Some will have an all out party including dancers and drummers.

If it's your wedding, you put the rules down!
No, its Islam that puts down the rules. Throw the Jahaliyah traditions out the window.
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 09:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)




:wa:
Thanku :cry:
Reply

being_forced
05-09-2016, 09:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)




:wa:
Thanku :cry:
Reply

Kiro
05-09-2016, 10:07 PM
I don't fully understand but soster, just wear the headscarf

you don't need to show off your beauty because Allah knows you are beautiful. I think that's enough for the one that loves you many times than a loving mother. And if you knew how much Allah loved you, your heart would boil and melt.
Reply

Umm Abed
05-10-2016, 07:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
Thanku :cry:
Dont be sad, sister:)
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 07:59 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)




:wa:
He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours :cry: Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them :cry: they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.
Reply

Umm Abed
05-10-2016, 08:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours :cry: Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them :cry: they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.
When you say take off the hijab for a few hours, will there be men around? If not then its fine.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 08:07 AM
:salamext:

Your husband-to-be wants what is best for you - remember, you are not allowed to not listen to him after marriage - you have to do what he says unless it goes against Islam. Anyway, Hijaab is not a bad thing to do - be grateful you have someone who is trying to make you religious!
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 08:08 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours :cry: Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them :cry: they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.
Why is it difficult to cover your hair?!?!
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 08:12 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)




:wa:
He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours :cry: Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them :cry: they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 09:39 AM
It is simple - cover your hair. sunshine etc. will pass through, in shaa' Allah. As the scarf ain't blocking too much light, afaik.
Reply

s.ali123
05-10-2016, 11:21 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours :cry: Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them :cry: they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.
Hmm... do you feel he force you for other things as well ?
Can I ask you how much time till yoir wedding ?
Obviously he should not force you for anything, rather advise and guide you. But all of this also depends on how he sees husband and wife relation.

You know him better than anyone here. Remember there are many muslims for whom the religious outlook and identity is more important than the actual attributes of being a Muslim. Some muslim today don't want or don't practice the religion themselves and expect everything from the other. I am not saying that your fiancee is such a person, but if you are having some feelings that he is acting or behaving such way, then I would say to think twice. Because he may force you for other things as well.

What I would suggest personally, is that if you still have much time till wedding, then by him and yourself some Islamic book on marriage and discuss the issues in it and approaches first. It is not right to directly jump into marriage if you have not decided such topics. "Blissful Marriag" by Dr. Ekram is a good book.
If he is desi, like me :P then may be he is having somewhat different kind of understandijg that wife should follow him unconditionally etc. Discuss everything in detail.
Even this thing that asking you to ask parents to break engagement is alarming thing. If he cannot raise his voice in front of parents that he does not want marriage, do you expect him to speak for you later on in life ? Because from his understanding he is totally right, so according to him he should tell this to parents, not asking you to tell them.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 11:27 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
afaik.
What does this mean
Reply

Hamza :)
05-10-2016, 11:29 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
What does this mean
as far as i know
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 11:36 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
What does this mean
As far as I know, it means as far as I know.'. Afaik, tho. :D LOL.
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 11:41 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
:salamext:

you are not allowed to not listen to him after marriage - you have to do what he says unless it goes against Islam
pfft
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 11:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
Hmm... do you feel he force you for other things as well ?
Can I ask you how much time till yoir wedding ?
Obviously he should not force you for anything, rather advise and guide you. But all of this also depends on how he sees husband and wife relation.

You know him better than anyone here. Remember there are many muslims for whom the religious outlook and identity is more important than the actual attributes of being a Muslim. Some muslim today don't want or don't practice the religion themselves and expect everything from the other. I am not saying that your fiancee is such a person, but if you are having some feelings that he is acting or behaving such way, then I would say to think twice. Because he may force you for other things as well.

What I would suggest personally, is that if you still have much time till wedding, then by him and yourself some Islamic book on marriage and discuss the issues in it and approaches first. It is not right to directly jump into marriage if you have not decided such topics. "Blissful Marriag" by Dr. Ekram is a good book.
If he is desi, like me :P then may be he is having somewhat different kind of understandijg that wife should follow him unconditionally etc. Discuss everything in detail.
Even this thing that asking you to ask parents to break engagement is alarming thing. If he cannot raise his voice in front of parents that he does not want marriage, do you expect him to speak for you later on in life ? Because from his understanding he is totally right, so according to him he should tell this to parents, not asking you to tell them.
No no. Just this. He is a very nice man. A very honourable man. It's only this he's forcing me for.
Reply

Bhabha
05-10-2016, 12:00 PM
Maybe it is best to wait a little until you have willingly changed your disposition towards the hijab.

Also a question, you mentioned it was the hijab in the wedding but not the wedding ceremony. So when you sign your nikah? Or when you are celebrating, such as the walima?
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 12:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
Maybe it is best to wait a little until you have willingly changed your disposition towards the hijab.

Also a question, you mentioned it was the hijab in the wedding but not the wedding ceremony. So when you sign your nikah? Or when you are celebrating, such as the walima?
Everything. The nikah ceremony. The rukhsati(rukhsati is when the bride leaves with the groom)(nikah and rukhsati will be separate, as i will live with my parents till 2 yrs after the nikah to complete my education). And he walima ceremony. There will be namehrams present in all occasions.

And yes i plan to stay quiet till i willingly change my disposition towards the hijab. I always wanted to do it myself. In my own time. Like i started praying myself. Nobody forced me or asked me to do it. And i do it with my heart. For the love of Allah.

I know islam is very clear on the importance of hijab. Just like namaz and alcohol etc. But like some muslims lack in praying. Some drink. Same way i'm not happy with hijab. The forcing is just making me hate it. All of us have flaws. If we were doing EVERYTHING perfectly, why would we be called humans then? Humans aren't perfect. Only Allah is perfect. Some ppl here are very quick to judge and insult others. No one is perfect here. No one can be perfect. We can only try our best to be better. We all should remember that what is easy for us, might be the most difficult thing for others. We all sin differently,but we all sin nonetheless.

I came here for support. That may be i'll find similar people here. But some ppl have insulted me and judged me over my sins. Makes me question is this what islam is? Where at one point islam stresses on namaz and zakat. On the other hand it stresses on how we should never hurt ppl around us. Whether with our hands or our tongue.

Innamal amal o binnayat. No use of the hijab if i'm doing it out of force but not out of love for Allah.

Thanku for ur supportive answer though. I really do appreciate it. Jazak'Allah :)
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 12:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
YOUR thread? Do you own this forum? No. AND F.Y.I where did you get that saying from "no one but Allaah is allowed to judge us" - you will WEEP tears of blood when Allaah judges you - you will scream and cry and you will have no place to turn to, and you will say IF ONLY I HAS LISTENED TO MY FIANCE!

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

So why do you have to show your hair off then? If you love him so much that you go around to weddings with him without having your nikkah done, going against Allaah's rules, can you not at least do this much for him?! :-\

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you
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s.ali123
05-10-2016, 12:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
YOUR thread? Do you own this forum? No. AND F.Y.I where did you get that saying from "no one but Allaah is allowed to judge us" - you will WEEP tears of blood when Allaah judges you - you will scream and cry and you will have no place to turn to, and you will say IF ONLY I HAS LISTENED TO MY FIANCE!

So why do you have to show your hair off then? If you love him so much that you go around to weddings with him without having your nikkah done, going against Allaah's rules, can you not at least do this much for him?! :-\
Probably its better to change your name from sabar ;D
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 12:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you
I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.
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being_forced
05-10-2016, 12:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.
I am a born muslim. Not a revert.


Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 12:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you
If you don't want honest advice, don't ask, simple! Pata nahin kahan se aa jaate hain...weirdos
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 12:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.
So if Allah SWT commanded you something, which you couldn't compherehend why, or there is a command you couldn't comphrehend, you would disobey?

you may dislike a thing and it is good for you, and like a thing and it is bad for you, Allah SWT knows, you know not.
Reply

Bhabha
05-10-2016, 12:35 PM
Ignore people who are making the rude comments. There's a block button. On that note I do remember going to a Pakistani wedding one time and I honestly thought they were Hindu because I was the only person dressed in hijab. My mother was also confused, she went with me and then thanks to the Pakistani wedding she got the wrong idea about marriages and hijab in Islam. She used the Pakistani marriage as an example "see you can take off the hijab during the wedding" of which I replied to her "what would be the point of even keeping it after I am married? Everyone would have seen me and I would no longer be the mysterious gem"

I like the concept of hijab because it makes you even more precious. Like certain things only special people are ever allowed to see, as opposed to the whole world. It's like you are a princess and you have to give permission for anyone who wishes to be more personal, something that can only happen when we maintain the hijab.

If I were you, I would also discuss this with my parents. If you cannot have a proper, segregated wedding so that you can fully enjoy it, what is the point if at the start you will either be depressed because you cannot enjoy it without the hijab. Or you will be sinning in the eyes of اللهُ by allowing people who are not your mahrams to see you.

Lay down the law. Either the marriage is whole Islamic or it doesn't happen at all. This means a segregated wedding where you can enjoy it without hijab. Khalas!
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 12:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
Ignore people who are making the rude comments. There's a block button. On that note I do remember going to a Pakistani wedding one time and I honestly thought they were Hindu because I was the only person dressed in hijab. My mother was also confused, she went with me and then thanks to the Pakistani wedding she got the wrong idea about marriages and hijab in Islam. She used the Pakistani marriage as an example "see you can take off the hijab during the wedding" of which I replied to her "what would be the point of even keeping it after I am married? Everyone would have seen me and I would no longer be the mysterious gem"

I like the concept of hijab because it makes you even more precious. Like certain things only special people are ever allowed to see, as opposed to the whole world. It's like you are a princess and you have to give permission for anyone who wishes to be more personal, something that can only happen when we maintain the hijab.

If I were you, I would also discuss this with my parents. If you cannot have a proper, segregated wedding so that you can fully enjoy it, what is the point if at the start you will either be depressed because you cannot enjoy it without the hijab. Or you will be sinning in the eyes of اللهُ by allowing people who are not your mahrams to see you.

Lay down the law. Either the marriage is whole Islamic or it doesn't happen at all. This means a segregated wedding where you can enjoy it without hijab. Khalas!
Jazak'Allah. May Allah bless you for your kindness. You are right about this. I will think about this. I will try my best to implement this. Thanku so much for your kind words. I will always be grateful to u :')
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 12:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I am a born muslim. Not a revert.
It sounded like you were based on your sudden wearing of the hijab. Did you not wear it growing up?

I'm not exactly what to judge lol but if your husband is simply refusing to compromise and you are refusing to accept what he says then just cancel the marriage. Search for a more casual Muslim.
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s.ali123
05-10-2016, 12:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It sounded like you were based on your sudden wearing of the hijab. Did you not wear it growing up?

I'm not exactly what to judge lol but if your husband is simply refusing to compromise and you are refusing to accept what he says then just cancel the marriage. Search for a more casual Muslim.
"Casual Muslim". So many variety is available today :D
I think she is happy with him and wants to marry him as well. Like she said before that he is very nice person.
What bhabha said is really good advice. You should talk with your parents
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being_forced
05-10-2016, 12:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It sounded like you were based on your sudden wearing of the hijab. Did you not wear it growing up?

I'm not exactly what to judge lol but if your husband is simply refusing to compromise and you are refusing to accept what he says then just cancel the marriage. Search for a more casual Muslim.
No i did not grow up wearing it. Infact i didnot grow up even covering myself properly. Both our families are extremely casual muslims. You know how ppl take being born as a muslim for granted. That way. He's religious mashaAllah.
In the recent years i had been evolving gradually. Stopped showing my skin. Started wearing loose clothes. Stopped wearing see thru clothes. I wanted to start the hijab too. I was coming towards it gradually. This forcing has just put me off it :"(
Though i've started wearing it. Its been almost a month. I wear it everywhere. I just want to be able to take it off in my wedding ceremonies. It won't be segragated. Its just for a few hours.
The problem here isn't right or wrong. I know hijab is right. But pakistani weddings, as sister Bhabha mentioned above. are very unislamic. All i wanted was to look pretty. Wear a full sleeved loose dress. even cover my head. But not like with a scarf. not cover it completely. Its his sterness and his forcefulness which is making me cry. :cry:
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 01:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
"Casual Muslim". So many variety is available today :D
I think she is happy with him and wants to marry him as well. Like she said before that he is very nice person.
What bhabha said is really good advice. You should talk with your parents
She can't be that happy... If I really loved someone I would certainly try to make some compromise, she isn't even willing to compromise on the most basic of things lol. When people love each other they mak compromises for each other and come to an understanding. They're not even married and already *****ing about something as simple as a hijab lol.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 01:02 PM
Sister, Islam is not harsh, and all of us vary in Imaan. A new convert would not be able to carry out all obligations all at once, from the start, or all 5 prayers. it is a gradual step.. 1 prayer, then 2 prayer, to 5 prayers a day.

A muslim pressuring a convert "pray 5 times now!" or something, when the convert hasn't learnt, isn't afaik, how it is supposed to do.

Just like any other obligation, it may take time, some are fast, some are slow. As long as you see it as obligatory, then you are good. Just try to do it slowly.

Pls correct if I am wrong, but in Islam as muslims we should not force new or otherwise muslims with weak imaan to do all obligations. It takes time. The sahabahs r.a. didn't stop drinking alcohol all at once. It took 20 years afaik.

As long as you try to do your best in your obligations, then OK. Allah SWT knows best. Allah SWT does not overburden you, ever.
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Bhabha
05-10-2016, 01:04 PM
Just imagine. What if, Allah takes you right as you are walking down the isle not wearing the hijab? What if at that moment, your soul leaves your body. How will you respond to اللهُ when you are asked, why you were not wearing the hijab.

It's like the girl at her wedding who washed out all of her make up to do whudhu and her mother was so angry. She had told her daughter to do isha another time, but her daughter ما شاء الله‎ went and did whudhu to pray salat and she died in the middle of salat. But she died worshipping اللهُ and obeying him to her last breath. [emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24]
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~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 01:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
All i wanted was to look pretty.
So are you saying all women in Hijab are ugly?
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s.ali123
05-10-2016, 01:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Bhabha
Just imagine. What if, Allah takes you right as you are walking down the isle not wearing the hijab? What if at that moment, your soul leaves your body. How will you respond to اللهُ when you are asked, why you were not wearing the hijab.

It's like the girl at her wedding who washed out all of her make up to do whudhu and her mother was so angry. She had told her daughter to do isha another time, but her daughter ما شاء الله‎ went and did whudhu to pray salat and she died in the middle of salat. But she died worshipping اللهُ and obeying him to her last breath. [emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24][emoji24]
Lol even you know this story of wudu :D i thought this story is more common in desis :P Stories spread very fast. Are you sure you are not desi from some acesstor :P

About the wedding why dont you both try to convince simple wedding without all the Pakistani expenditures, in masjid. Even much money will be saved for honeymoon ;)
Even otherwise it is only nikkah right now.
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being_forced
05-10-2016, 01:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~

So are you saying all women in Hijab are ugly?
I may have my definition of pretty, Just like u have ur definition of Sabar :)
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~ Sabr ~
05-10-2016, 01:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I may have my definition of pretty, Just like u have ur definition of Sabar :)
Your definition contradicts Allaah's commands.

F.Y.I you have no idea what I've been through, so that was a flop comment. :lol: ;D
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being_forced
05-10-2016, 01:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
She can't be that happy... If I really loved someone I would certainly try to make some compromise, she isn't even willing to compromise on the most basic of things lol. When people love each other they mak compromises for each other and come to an understanding. They're not even married and already *****ing about something as simple as a hijab lol.
Again. Very quick to judge. Its between him and me what compromises i've already made.
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s.ali123
05-10-2016, 01:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
I may have my definition of pretty, Just like u have ur definition of Sabar :)
LOL I really liked the new definition of sabar :skeleton:
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being_forced
05-10-2016, 01:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
Your definition contradicts Allaah's commands.

F.Y.I you have no idea what I've been through, so that was a flop comment. :lol: ;D
You're rude and judgmental attitude contradicts islam's teachings :)
Like i said. We all sin, just differently.

No one knows what the other has been thru.

Take care sister. May Allah guide us all.
Reply

being_forced
05-10-2016, 01:30 PM
If u think ur time is being wasted. Then please donot comment on this thread :)
The rest of the members can speak for themselves.

Some sisters and brothers here have given me honest advice in a very kind non-judgemental and understanding way. I am thankful to all of them. May Allah bless them all :)
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 02:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
If u think ur time is being wasted. Then please donot comment on this thread :)
The rest of the members can speak for themselves.

Some sisters and brothers here have given me honest advice in a very kind non-judgemental and understanding way. I am thankful to all of them. May Allah bless them all :)
The purpose of Hijab afaik, is to conceal your beauty, and to protect you from the gaze of men.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 02:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
The purpose of Hijab afaik, is to conceal your beauty, and to protect you from the gaze of men.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.
It's actually a bit strange the concept of a hijab because it overs the head, not the face and surely the face is that which holds the beauty, not the head?
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 02:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's actually a big strange the concept of a hijab because it overs the head, not the face and surely the face is that which holds the beauty, not the head?
The hair of a woman empowers the beauty of her face.

If you are very beautiful you can put on Niqab.

I honestly ain't knowledgable

Btw, what is awrah of women? what isn't?

Allahu alam.
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Umar Ibn Farooq
05-10-2016, 02:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
If u think ur time is being wasted. Then please donot comment on this thread :)
The rest of the members can speak for themselves.

Some sisters and brothers here have given me honest advice in a very kind non-judgemental and understanding way. I am thankful to all of them. May Allah bless them all :)
if you don't be judged correctly then you won't ever discipline yourself.

The religion of Allah isn't about fun and peace. It requires sacrifice and submission to Allah.

Do it for him or stay in misery and deception.
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Umar Ibn Farooq
05-10-2016, 02:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's actually a big strange the concept of a hijab because it overs the head, not the face and surely the face is that which holds the beauty, not the head?
Why do you support Egypt and UK?
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 02:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
The hair of a woman empowers the beauty of her face.

If you are very beautiful you can put on Niqab.

I honestly ain't knowledgable

Btw, what is awrah of women? what isn't?

Allahu alam.
Well personally I think it's private parts. Top and lower.

Of course this isn't the case in Islam I think that is why we are to cover our bodies with just face, hands and feet for show.

Perhaps it's all based on personal opinion. Feet are ok to show, but there are some people with foot fetishes which means for them, the feet are very attractive body parts. Weird creeps.
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noraina
05-10-2016, 02:54 PM
The most commonly accepted definitely of a woman's awrah is that it is everything apart from her feet, hands, and face.

Sister @being_forced , may Allah SWT relieve you of any stress and make it easy for you. Hijab is a big step, but believe me once you wear it you will never look back - I appreciate how difficult it is coming from a non-practising Muslim family, to both keep to your deen despite discouragement and having others be overly harsh on you when they believe you are lacking in iman, not knowing your background or how hard you have struggled.

I have stressed this before and I will again. Learn to what status Islam has elevated us women Alhamdulillah, and how Allah swt only wants us to be honoured and respected. And when you wear the hijab, don't wear it for him or for your parents, wear it for Allah swt and because you want to. x
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 02:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umar Ibn Farooq
Why do you support Egypt and UK?
My family is Egyptian, I was born and raised in the UK.
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Umar Ibn Farooq
05-10-2016, 02:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
My family is Egyptian, I was born and raised in the UK.
I meant politically wise.
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Well personally I think it's private parts. Top and lower.

Of course this isn't the case in Islam I think that is why we are to cover our bodies with just face, hands and feet for show.

Perhaps it's all based on personal opinion. Feet are ok to show, but there are some people with foot fetishes which means for them, the feet are very attractive body parts. Weird creeps.
Idk why one'd have foot or hand fetishes....

But awrah is everything except your face, hand and feet (got it from noraina's post). Trust me, men find legs, bellies, arms, etc. backs, attractive.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umar Ibn Farooq
I meant politically wise.
My political beliefs are private, I prefer to keep them as such.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Idk why one'd have foot or hand fetishes....

But awrah is everything except your face, hand and feet (got it from noraina's post). Trust me, men find legs, bellies, arms, etc. backs, attractive.
and feet!! lol trust me some proper weirdos out there.
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
and feet!! lol trust me some proper weirdos out there.
But yeah. Every body part except your face hand and feet. (feet are mostly covered - why would you expose them??????)

Weird thing nowadays is that men wear more modestly than women in the summer. I see most women wearing underpant-sized jeans or something, and 7 year old-sized t-shirts etc. While men wear full on trousers, etc.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
But yeah. Every body part except your face hand and feet. (feet are mostly covered - why would you expose them??????)

Weird thing nowadays is that men wear more modestly than women in the summer. I see most women wearing underpant-sized jeans or something, and 7 year old-sized t-shirts etc. While men wear full on trousers, etc.
Well if it's the summer you may walk with sandals or maybe you're at the beach in your swimsuit and your feet are exposed. I dunno, people like weird stuff... But yes I know in Islam those three areas are allowed to be uncovered.
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Well if it's the summer you may walk with sandals or maybe you're at the beach in your swimsuit and your feet are exposed. I dunno, people like weird stuff... But yes I know in Islam those three areas are allowed to be uncovered.
Beach clothing ain't modest at all. you are essentially walking naked.. one can see through the clothes etc... and everything is exposed.

Would you walk with underpants etc. outside in the market? no, why then the beach? because everyone does it? So if everyone, walked naked, it would be ok? I think not.
I am pretty positive a beach clothing is haram. Allahu alam tho.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Beach clothing ain't modest at all. you are essentially walking naked.. one can see through the clothes etc... and everything is exposed.

Would you walk with underpants etc. outside in the market? no, why then the beach? because everyone does it? So if everyone, walked naked, it would be ok? I think not.
I am pretty positive a beach clothing is haram. Allahu alam tho.
I've never been to the beach before, the beaches in the UK look diseased. However when I do go abroad I'm definitely going to relax and enjoy it.




absolutely nothing wrong with it...
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Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I've never been to the beach before, the beaches in the UK look diseased. However when I do go abroad I'm definitely going to relax and enjoy it.




absolutely nothing wrong with it...
I think there is wrong with it..

The outlining of the legs. Skirt too short. Lower body part too tight. Shape of the bossom exposed, etc. Too tight, and it exposes.
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EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
I think there is wrong with it..

The outlining of the legs. Skirt too short. Lower body part too tight. Shape of the bossom exposed, etc. Too tight, and it exposes.
Then have some self control and stop gawking.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Then have some self control and stop gawking.
Well if it is tight, it is highlighting stuff, and men's eye can be automatics. So even if men don't want to look, some can't. (not that I can't, but yeh)

Allahu alam.
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Well if it is tight, it is highlighting stuff, and men's eye can be automatics.
Don't talk such nonsense. What a pathetic excuse... "automatic" you are not a dog who goes sniffing when he sees female present.

If a women is wearing something which is a little revealing or shows the outline then don't look at her. Simple.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Don't talk such nonsense. What a pathetic excuse... "automatic" you are not a dog who goes sniffing when he sees female present.

If a women is wearing something which is a little revealing or shows the outline then don't look at her. Simple.
Well if it is a sister in Islam then that is a problem.

Those who wear perfume are like adultresses.
Reply

Sister101
05-10-2016, 03:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Then have some self control and stop gawking.
Regardless of whether the men look or not. It's not permissible in Islam for a woman to wear clothing like that in front of non-mahram men.
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 03:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Well if it is a sister in Islam then that is a problem.

Those who wear perfume are like adultresses.
ok, whatever you say. I feel so sorry for you that you are at the submission of your own sexual desires. That you cannot have the simplest of control over where your eyes look. Thank Allah you don't live in the west because you see nothing but women wearing little. So what then? You are just starring at every women in sight because your eyes are automatic LOL.

May Allah grant you control over your eyes once again, ameen.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 03:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
ok, whatever you say. I feel so sorry for you that you are at the submission of your own sexual desires. That you cannot have the simplest of control over where your eyes look. Thank Allah you don't live in the west because you see nothing but women wearing little. So what then? You are just starring at every women in sight because your eyes are automatic LOL.

May Allah grant you control over your eyes once again, ameen.
Well, I do have control, and I live in the west kinda. Mine aren't automatic either, I just turn off my desires, easy. :)

I didn't speak of myself, I spoke in regards to men, who don't have control. I am near asexual. :D
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-10-2016, 04:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Well, I do have control, and I live in the west kinda. Mine aren't automatic either, I just turn off my desires, easy. :)

I didn't speak of myself, I spoke in regards to men, who don't have control. I am near asexual. :D
Ok fine, all I am saying is that islamic swimsuit is ok. You're in the water for a start so people cannot see you and then if you get out of the water you can take a towel and wrap it around yourself.
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 04:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Ok fine, all I am saying is that islamic swimsuit is ok. You're in the water for a start so people cannot see you and then if you get out of the water you can take a towel and wrap it around yourself.
Don't decieve yourself tho. At beaches, women are virtually naked.

I remember 10 years or so ago, modesty had more value. :o
Reply

Bhabha
05-10-2016, 05:51 PM
Also there are private beaches for the ladies [emoji39] .....
Reply

sister herb
05-10-2016, 06:04 PM
Please brother (Serinity) and sister (Bhabha) I am not sure is it very good idea to start to talk about sexuality in here (asexual)... It might be too personal matter for the public forum.

What if we keep this discussion about general level only? Just my opinion. :embarrass
Reply

Bhabha
05-10-2016, 06:07 PM
Hi sister !

Thank you for that reminder. Sometimes I don't know some limits. Much appreciated :)
Reply

Serinity
05-10-2016, 06:26 PM
JazakAllah khayr sister herb.

This thread has died out it seems. Alhamdulillah.
Reply

Umar Ibn Farooq
05-12-2016, 08:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
My political beliefs are private, I prefer to keep them as such.
If you meant that you support them politically and Islamically, then you indeed disbelieved in Allah and the messenger.

Tribalism is no exception in Islam.
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-12-2016, 10:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umar Ibn Farooq
If you meant that you support them politically and Islamically, then you indeed disbelieved in Allah and the messenger.

Tribalism is no exception in Islam.
Who I support or what I support is none of your concern. I live in a secular country and I abide by their laws. I love both Egypt and the UK, both are amazing in their own ways :) Like any country they may also have their bad parts.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
05-13-2016, 01:03 PM
:salamext:

Contrary to my previous posts, I just wanted to say that Hijaab is a beautiful thing, and :ia: once you start wearing it, you feel like you are naked without it x
Reply

MuslimInshallah
05-13-2016, 03:41 PM
Assalaamu alaikum Forced,

(sigh) I'm not sure what has happened between you and your intended. I do hope that you can sort things out.

However, it seems to me that there is a miscommunication going on. If I understand correctly, you have a deep wish to have that one-in-a-lifetime Big Day where you will be the most beautiful you will ever be. Dressed in beautiful clothes, in henna and with gorgeous jewelry. (smile) A princess for a day. A day to remember.

Your intended, though, is perhaps worried about other men seeing you at your most gorgeous. I wonder if he feels that of all days, this is the one he most wants you not to be seen (I don'y know for sure, though. I'm trying to see things through his eyes). (mildly) His reputation as a man who takes his faith seriously may also be a factor in his feelings.

When Bhabha suggested a segregated wedding, she hit on a good solution: you can be gorgeous and seen by all the women (who are the ones who notice the jewelry, henna and clothes most, anyway). And you would not be seen by the men.

However (if I have understood correctly), your problem is that the families involved in organizing and paying for the wedding (in Pakistan, who does pay, BTW?), do not perhaps want a segregated wedding. They want a big party that they feel is socially fitting.

So... might I suggest a compromise? Perhaps you could do a pre-ceremony party, for women only? You get to be the gorgeous Princess for the day. And then, for the official ceremonies, you dress in a simple and modest way, (twinkle) knowing that all the ladies know how beautiful you are... The contrast would, I think, be rather striking, and would instil in everyone the understanding that Islam is important for you and your husband. (smile) You'd be able to show that you are, indeed, physically beautiful, but that you choose to emphasize your inner beauty.

(twinkle) And then, when you will go to live with your husband after completing your studies, you could get out the beautiful clothes and get the henna and jewelry... just for him.

Yes, this will add some cost. But would it be unreasonable? Starting a marriage off with good feelings all around is important.


May Allah, the Sovereign, Help us to look outside of the usual boxes to find solutions that are Pleasing to Him.
Reply

being_forced
05-13-2016, 04:30 PM
Alhamdulillah I've resolved to wear the hijab :) even at my wedding occasions.
May Allah bless all the brothers and sisters who encouraged me and helped me out :)
Reply

MorbidEntree
05-13-2016, 04:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by crimsontide06
You should want to wear hijab because you want to please Allah and obey him...

Being forced to wear it defeats the purpose. There is a difference between encouraging someone/trying to help someone change/do something, and forcing someone to do something that is not in their heart.
How exactly does it please Allah for a woman to wear a hijab? I understand that modesty is a big principle in Islam, but I don't understand how it pleases Allah directly for women to cover up like that.
Reply

piXie
05-13-2016, 04:51 PM
:salamext:

Good decision sis. We don't even know half the evil we are protected from by following Allahs commands. Women love to look beautiful and a lot of times complete with each other in this. Even if it's not against Islam to look beautiful amongst women only, it's wiser to save this for your husband only, esp when so many jealous and evil eyes around today. May Allah bless your marriage.
Reply

piXie
05-13-2016, 04:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MorbidEntree
How exactly does it please Allah for a woman to wear a hijab? I understand that modesty is a big principle in Islam, but I don't understand how it pleases Allah directly for women to cover up like that.
Because the hijab was legislated by Allah and it pleases Him when we adhere to His legislations. He is our Creator and we are accountable to Him.
Reply

noraina
05-13-2016, 05:16 PM
Alhamdulillah sis, that is amazing news. May Allah swt bless your marriage. Proud of you for making this decision, I know it wasn't easy, x :)
Reply

being_forced
05-13-2016, 06:12 PM
:) :)
Reply

being_forced
05-13-2016, 06:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
Assalaamu alaikum Forced,

(sigh) I'm not sure what has happened between you and your intended. I do hope that you can sort things out.

However, it seems to me that there is a miscommunication going on. If I understand correctly, you have a deep wish to have that one-in-a-lifetime Big Day where you will be the most beautiful you will ever be. Dressed in beautiful clothes, in henna and with gorgeous jewelry. (smile) A princess for a day. A day to remember.

Your intended, though, is perhaps worried about other men seeing you at your most gorgeous. I wonder if he feels that of all days, this is the one he most wants you not to be seen (I don'y know for sure, though. I'm trying to see things through his eyes). (mildly) His reputation as a man who takes his faith seriously may also be a factor in his feelings.

When Bhabha suggested a segregated wedding, she hit on a good solution: you can be gorgeous and seen by all the women (who are the ones who notice the jewelry, henna and clothes most, anyway). And you would not be seen by the men.

However (if I have understood correctly), your problem is that the families involved in organizing and paying for the wedding (in Pakistan, who does pay, BTW?), do not perhaps want a segregated wedding. They want a big party that they feel is socially fitting.

So... might I suggest a compromise? Perhaps you could do a pre-ceremony party, for women only? You get to be the gorgeous Princess for the day. And then, for the official ceremonies, you dress in a simple and modest way, (twinkle) knowing that all the ladies know how beautiful you are... The contrast would, I think, be rather striking, and would instil in everyone the understanding that Islam is important for you and your husband. (smile) You'd be able to show that you are, indeed, physically beautiful, but that you choose to emphasize your inner beauty.

(twinkle) And then, when you will go to live with your husband after completing your studies, you could get out the beautiful clothes and get the henna and jewelry... just for him.

Yes, this will add some cost. But would it be unreasonable? Starting a marriage off with good feelings all around is important.


May Allah, the Sovereign, Help us to look outside of the usual boxes to find solutions that are Pleasing to Him.
U got everything correct. Regarding him being strong in his faith. And segregated wedding not being possible etc etc. U understood my situation quite well.

There's one thing I've always believed in. That the best wedding acc to our religion is the one which is simple. And with the least expenses. And that's how I've always wanted it :) that's why I don't want two occasions :) nice suggestion though.
Secondly there's a reason why we're not supposed to show our hair, cuz it increases our beauty. And so we should save it for our husbands. And not show other men as it attracts them. That was my only difference with him. I wanted to show my hair. And look pretty :)
Reply

Bhabha
05-13-2016, 08:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MorbidEntree
How exactly does it please Allah for a woman to wear a hijab? I understand that modesty is a big principle in Islam, but I don't understand how it pleases Allah directly for women to cover up like that.
A woman and a man who are both modest, pious and courteous to each other is a pleasing sight. It means there is respect and even thought we can have wandering eyes, by being modest in the way we carry ourselves as the hijab is not just the physical covering, but the way a person behaves in general, we can all help each other to avoid indecency.

Hijab is the physical covering, the way a person behaves and also the inner thoughts and intentions by which the person does everything around them. If a person covers themselves physically, but is rude, speaks horribly, looks down on people and for example wears a ton of make up or a huge amount of perfume such that everyone can smell them. They are not in hijab, they have just covered themselves but are not in "hijab".

So people forget that it is a whole system. To be kind, to be just, fair, decent, and to cover yourself as you would cover a precious gem, or cover your lungs from inhaling toxic fumes.
Reply

s.ali123
05-13-2016, 08:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
U got everything correct. Regarding him being strong in his faith. And segregated wedding not being possible etc etc. U understood my situation quite well.

There's one thing I've always believed in. That the best wedding acc to our religion is the one which is simple. And with the least expenses. And that's how I've always wanted it :) that's why I don't want two occasions :) nice suggestion though.
Secondly there's a reason why we're not supposed to show our hair, cuz it increases our beauty. And so we should save it for our husbands. And not show other men as it attracts them. That was my only difference with him. I wanted to show my hair. And look pretty :)
Salam sister! I am very happy that you made thos decision. And also you sre right in that the woman seems very attractive with her hair. And this beauty is something that she wants to protect for her husband :) and same is the case with men that men are supoosed and told to beautify themselves for the wife. I know of a practicing couple the husband removed even all his pics from social media because his wife did not like his husband to show his beauty of post his handsome pics on social media. Even before marriage they agreed on it. But really this is an amazing relation to have between spouses:statisfie. Subhallah
Reply

crimsontide06
05-13-2016, 09:16 PM
It pleases Allah that you obeyed a command...Watch this, maybe it will help with understanding https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvKUv2xQYfc

format_quote Originally Posted by MorbidEntree
How exactly does it please Allah for a woman to wear a hijab? I understand that modesty is a big principle in Islam, but I don't understand how it pleases Allah directly for women to cover up like that.
Reply

muslimah_B
05-14-2016, 03:31 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by being_forced
My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:(:Emoji10:
Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I would just like to point out that hijab is a fard upon the believing women, so in a way he is actually doing the right thing by telling you to wear it..
Did he know before you married that you didnt wear/ or like it? Did he just suddenly tell you that you must cover ?
what is it about the hijab you dont like ? have you expressed why exactly you feel this way towards it and whats stopping you from wearing hijab ?

Maybe if you explain it to us, in sha Allah we can help you and more understand your point of view on this matter ?
Reply

s.ali123
05-14-2016, 08:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I would just like to point out that hijab is a fard upon the believing women, so in a way he is actually doing the right thing by telling you to wear it..
Did he know before you married that you didnt wear/ or like it? Did he just suddenly tell you that you must cover ?
what is it about the hijab you dont like ? have you expressed why exactly you feel this way towards it and whats stopping you from wearing hijab ?

Maybe if you explain it to us, in sha Allah we can help you and more understand your point of view on this matter ?
I think she explained it at the start. She is not married yet. They are just engaged. She wanted to take her time to wear it and she was learning more about it. But now she has made her decision to wear it :)
Reply

muslimah_B
05-14-2016, 10:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
I think she explained it at the start. She is not married yet. They are just engaged. She wanted to take her time to wear it and she was learning more about it. But now she has made her decision to wear it :)
Oh whoopsy, it never showed all those other posts untill now lol...ignore what i wrote lol
Reply

s.ali123
05-14-2016, 10:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Oh whoopsy, it never showed all those other posts untill now lol...ignore what i wrote lol
Yes I also just installed tapatalk and you have to change pages at the bottom to see earlier comments :)
Reply

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