Parents have gone against their word!

[EgyptPrincess]

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad

[Bhabha]

Tell your parents to come with you and get to know him. That it is a good chance for them to make dawah :)

[Misbah0411]

You are doing wrong by having a boyfriend, meeting with him alone and you expect to come on an Islamic forum and look for sympathy or understanding? Love for your bf or love for your parents. Really? How about love for Allah Azza wa Jal above all else and do what your Creator asks of you and abstain from what He forbids for you. What is it with today's Muslim generation. May Allah guide you and increase your iman.

[EgyptPrincess]

Tell your parents to come with you and get to know him. That it is a good chance for them to make dawah :)

They don't want to know him...

You are doing wrong by having a boyfriend, meeting with him alone and you expect to come on an Islamic forum and look for sympathy or understanding? Love for your bf or love for your parents. Really? How about love for Allah Azza wa Jal above all else and do what your Creator asks of you and abstain from what He forbids for you. What is it with today's Muslim generation. May Allah guide you and increase your iman.

I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

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[Misbah0411]

They don't want to know him...




I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

You have got to be kidding and not this ignorant of religion. Having dinner with a boyfriend is haram. That he is a kafir is even worse. Like I told Sabr this morning, no one cares about your opinion when it contradicts that of Allah and His Prophet s.a.a.w. and the teachings of Islam. What you need to do is focus on your Islam and build your iman because you are misguided and deceived by your secular environment. Oh, here is the where it says this:

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

[EgyptPrincess]

You have got to be kidding and not this ignorant of religion. Having dinner with a boyfriend is haram. That he is a kafir is even worse. Like I told Sabr this morning, no one cares about your opinion when it contradicts that of Allah and His Prophet s.a.a.w. and the teachings of Islam. What you need to do is focus on your Islam and build your iman because you are misguided and deceived by your secular environment. Oh, here is the where it says this:

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

Yes I know I am not allowed a boyfriend, my intention is for him to convert to Islam eventually. My issue is not being allowed to have dinner with a non muslim. Since when was it not allowed to sit and eat with a non muslim?!

[EgyptPrincess]

Moreover he said my parents are more than welcome to come with and eat with us... but they instantly said no. He is really trying to make an effort.

[Misbah0411]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You cannot do haram to bring about good. Secondly, it is only Allah Azza wa Jal that opens the heart to Islam. Here is further reading:

https://islamqa.info/en/1114

http://islamqa.info/en/7757

http://islamqa.info/en/7492

http://islamqa.info/en/81931

[EgyptPrincess]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You cannot do haram to bring about good. Secondly, it is only Allah Azza wa Jal that opens the heart to Islam. Here is further reading:

https://islamqa.info/en/1114

http://islamqa.info/en/7757

http://islamqa.info/en/7492

http://islamqa.info/en/81931

Well for a start he offered my parents to come with me voiding every one of your evidences as I would not be alone with non mahram. Even still non mahram is extreme and it's impossible to function in a western society worrying about who is and isn't mahram. My mother goes out by herself all the time. My sister works as an estate agent and so meets and spends time alone with many different people when they go to view properties.

All I want to do is see him and have a meal... is that really too much to ask? My parents are just being completely unreasonable here... I know for a fact they would have no problem with me going to a restaurant for a meal with a non mahram islamic man. It's purely because he is kufr that they are denying me this!

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: Peace be upon you

I'm very sorry, dearest sister, to hear that you're still experiencing conflict with your parents, and I sympathize 100% with you. Dearest sister, the 4th Caliph Ali :ra: in Islamic history, whom Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) described as "door to knowledge" recommended the following: to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+. That is because, sister, at the age of 17 you are considered an adult in Islam, and you are well able to reason on your own and for your parents to be strict will serve to make you feel resentful.

My dearest sister, please be patient with your parents and wise in your dealings with them. In Islam, parents are to be revered and the Quran (31:15) says we are to be kind to our parents, and Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of one's parents."

Dearest sister, I agree with you on the point that they have to allow you to make decisions concerning your life even if they believe those decisions are mistakes. For what it's worth though, try seeing the situation from their point of view. They love you and want the best for you, and they see (rightly or wrongly) your boyfriend as the one who's snatching their happiness and the light of their eyes. Therefore, they see (rightly or wrongly) him as a villain who's taking their baby away from them. Dearest sister, with your own goodness and pleasing attitude, you are going to have to convince them that you are an adult who is ready and able to take your own decisions.

Maybe I can be of some help here? If you don't mind, I'd like an opportunity to talk to your parents on SKYPE and try to get them to agree to attending the dinner. That said, dearest sister, if you love your boyfriend, and you've said that you do, please start talking to him about Islam and getting him to learn about Islam because Islam is extremely beautiful. When your boyfriend came here on IB, I did talk to him and also PMed him and one of the things that I absolutely liked about him is that he's very open-minded about Islam and would follow your cue in this matter. Do you know one of the most beautiful things about Islam and relationships and marriage? Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”

Dearest sister, Islam is not oppressive of the desire for you to love or be loved. Rather, Islam envisions that love happening in a relationship that is a sacred relationship so that you and your heart and he and his heart can be protected and bonded in marriage. Allah wants the best for all His slaves, but Allah does not approve of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships primarily because you and him are following now your heart, but what if Allah has not decreed him for you or you for him? How many a story has happened or you have heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend went through other relationships with each heartbreak rending a little of their soul? How many a story has happened or have you read or heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend ended up married to completely different people and wished they had not wasted their energy or time on a relationship that was not to bear the fruits of peace and happiness? Allah doesn't want us to suffer from heartbreak, dearest sister, because the heart is considered the House of Allah, the spiritual vessel that is meant to be a beneficial vehicle through which we experience Miraaj like Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) when we do any remembrance of Allah. Dearest sister, I am a sincere adviser and well-wisher to you, and I want you and youngen (his username on IB) to be happy, and as a believer, I believe that true and lasting happiness and peace can be obtained in the blessings of Allah. If you want your life and your relationship to be blessed, do it the right way, dearest sister, and the right way lays in (a) pleasing your parents as much as possible and being patient with them and kind and also getting them to actually listen to your point of view, and (b) inviting your boyfriend to Islam.

Maybe, dearest sister, your parents at this time may not be ready to agree to have the dinner with you and your boyfriend; that said, make duas (supplications) for your parents's hearts to be softened and for your boyfriend's heart to be opened to Islam. Try to persuade your parents to see the dinner as a dawa (invitation to Islam) opportunity. We're here InshaAllah (God-willing) here to support you in your journey to Allah and Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) and Islam and we wish you and your parents all the best here and hereafter.

:wa: And peace be upon you

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad

[Mauri]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Of course not. It's just against Allah to have any kind of physical relationship with another gender.

[Mauri]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Of course not. It's just against Allah to have any kind of physical relationship with another gender and any touching even without sexual meaning.

[EgyptPrincess]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

:sl: Peace be upon you

I'm very sorry, dearest sister, to hear that you're still experiencing conflict with your parents, and I sympathize 100% with you. Dearest sister, the 4th Caliph Ali :ra: in Islamic history, whom Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) described as "door to knowledge" recommended the following: to play with our children till the age of 7, to discipline and teach them from the age of 7 to 14 and to BEFRIEND them at the age of 14+. That is because, sister, at the age of 17 you are considered an adult in Islam, and you are well able to reason on your own and for your parents to be strict will serve to make you feel resentful.

My dearest sister, please be patient with your parents and wise in your dealings with them. In Islam, parents are to be revered and the Quran (31:15) says we are to be kind to our parents, and Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of one's parents."

Dearest sister, I agree with you on the point that they have to allow you to make decisions concerning your life even if they believe those decisions are mistakes. For what it's worth though, try seeing the situation from their point of view. They love you and want the best for you, and they see (rightly or wrongly) your boyfriend as the one who's snatching their happiness and the light of their eyes. Therefore, they see (rightly or wrongly) him as a villain who's taking their baby away from them. Dearest sister, with your own goodness and pleasing attitude, you are going to have to convince them that you are an adult who is ready and able to take your own decisions.

Maybe I can be of some help here? If you don't mind, I'd like an opportunity to talk to your parents on SKYPE and try to get them to agree to attending the dinner. That said, dearest sister, if you love your boyfriend, and you've said that you do, please start talking to him about Islam and getting him to learn about Islam because Islam is extremely beautiful. When your boyfriend came here on IB, I did talk to him and also PMed him and one of the things that I absolutely liked about him is that he's very open-minded about Islam and would follow your cue in this matter. Do you know one of the most beautiful things about Islam and relationships and marriage? Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.”

Dearest sister, Islam is not oppressive of the desire for you to love or be loved. Rather, Islam envisions that love happening in a relationship that is a sacred relationship so that you and your heart and he and his heart can be protected and bonded in marriage. Allah wants the best for all His slaves, but Allah does not approve of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships primarily because you and him are following now your heart, but what if Allah has not decreed him for you or you for him? How many a story has happened or you have heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend went through other relationships with each heartbreak rending a little of their soul? How many a story has happened or have you read or heard, dearest sister, in which two people who loved one another as girlfriend/boyfriend ended up married to completely different people and wished they had not wasted their energy or time on a relationship that was not to bear the fruits of peace and happiness? Allah doesn't want us to suffer from heartbreak, dearest sister, because the heart is considered the House of Allah, the spiritual vessel that is meant to be a beneficial vehicle through which we experience Miraaj like Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) when we do any remembrance of Allah. Dearest sister, I am a sincere adviser and well-wisher to you, and I want you and youngen (his username on IB) to be happy, and as a believer, I believe that true and lasting happiness and peace can be obtained in the blessings of Allah. If you want your life and your relationship to be blessed, do it the right way, dearest sister, and the right way lays in (a) pleasing your parents as much as possible and being patient with them and kind and also getting them to actually listen to your point of view, and (b) inviting your boyfriend to Islam.

Maybe, dearest sister, your parents at this time may not be ready to agree to have the dinner with you and your boyfriend; that said, make duas (supplications) for your parents's hearts to be softened and for your boyfriend's heart to be opened to Islam. Try to persuade your parents to see the dinner as a dawa (invitation to Islam) opportunity. We're here InshaAllah (God-willing) here to support you in your journey to Allah and Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) and Islam and we wish you and your parents all the best here and hereafter.

:wa: And peace be upon you

Mashallah sister you are truly a kind person may allah be pleased with your efforts.

Sister my parents do not know that I am talking here and if someone phoned them on skype that would raise all kinds of questions, they might find out about my account here and it would just cause huge tension I suspect lol. I wasn't exactly speaking the best of them here. How do my parents ever expect him to walk through the door of Islam if they don't even give him a chance, he is such a great guy he is amazing. In my heart I want to spend every day with him, so I am already in pain trying to fight this feeling.

Don't get me wrong I do know that it is a sin to have a boyfriend and he isn't even Muslim buuuut consider this meal simply two friends who want to catch up. I won't touch him or kiss him or anything, just sit, eat, talk and have fun. He has such a natural sense of humour my parents would really like him if they just gave him a chance. I know they're doing this just to spite me. He works all week long and he just wanted one meal with me on Friday... he is going to end up resenting my parents and I don't blame him at all.

I literally cannot wait until I go to uni. Freedom at last.

[Serinity]

I know you know boyfriends are haram to have.

I know some stuff can be hard to leave.

May Allah SWT guide you and all of us, and increase you and all of us in Imaan. Ameen.

[sister herb]

Dear sister

I wish to you a nice meal with him. I don´t start to tell how haram it is as many others here have already told it to you. It´s a public place at all, with many people and it´s a good change to talk with him and try to explain the values of your family.

And have a nice studing in the future too in the university.

[Kiro]

They don't want to know him...




I do have love for Allah swt and my parents and my boyfriend. Is it really forbidden to have dinner with a non muslim? Tell me where it says this... If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

It's not in the sunnah and Nabi SAW was called a living Qu'ran, he contained all the morals of the Qu'ran

and my over evidence is the shariah (official Islamic law), there are segregations etc. They didn't come out of nowhere, the shariah was practised by Nabi SAW and the sahaba

[~ Sabr ~]

If you sit in a halal restaurant and have dinner with a non muslim man, this is going against Allah? Really?! No... I don't think so.

Yes, it is.

[EgyptPrincess]

I know you know boyfriends are haram to have.

I know some stuff can be hard to leave.

May Allah SWT guide you and all of us, and increase you and all of us in Imaan. Ameen.

This is my last question on this matter I promise.

How about this, if I go with another muslimah (my sister or a friend) is it still haram? I mean I am not alone with him so this gets around the "being alone with a man" thing right?

[Misbah0411]

No, your muslimah friend is not your wali so now you would have two women doing the wrong thing by meeting this man who is not even a Muslim whom you claim to be a "boyfriend". What he needs to do is learn about Islam and by the grace of of Allah becomes a Muslim with the right intention and then you can get your parents involved with meeting him to determine if he will be a suitable match in marriage. Otherwise, focus on your Islam and holding on to your dignity and chastity for the right Muslim man. I am sorry if I was harsh with you a few days ago about this but am only advising what is best for you as my sister in Islam. May Allah make it easy for you to worship and obey Him. Ameen.

[Kiro]

this is a weird topic to post on a Islamic forum

[EgyptPrincess]

No, your muslimah friend is not your wali so now you would have two women doing the wrong thing by meeting this man who is not even a Muslim whom you claim to be a "boyfriend". What he needs to do is learn about Islam and by the grace of of Allah becomes a Muslim with the right intention and then you can get your parents involved with meeting him to determine if he will be a suitable match in marriage. Otherwise, focus on your Islam and holding on to your dignity and chastity for the right Muslim man. I am sorry if I was harsh with you a few days ago about this but am only advising what is best for you as my sister in Islam. May Allah make it easy for you to worship and obey Him. Ameen.

You are not being harsh, you are saying what is true.

Here is what I don't understand though...

At school I eat with friends
At school I study with friends
At uni I will also do these things

So why can I not sit with a FRIEND at a restaurant and eat? He is not my "boyfriend" because I am not allowed a boyfriend so he is just a friend now...

[Kiro]

You are not being harsh, you are saying what is true.

Here is what I don't understand though...

At school I eat with friends
At school I study with friends
At uni I will also do these things

So why can I not sit with a FRIEND at a restaurant and eat? He is not my "boyfriend" because I am not allowed a boyfriend so he is just a friend now...

cut the root before it grows into a tree

a root is easier to cut then a tree

[Futuwwa]

I suspect your parents are so shaken by the recent events that they agree to whatever they feel they should at the moment, and may sincerely mean it when they say it, but get different thoughts when the mood has cooled. First it was disownment, then they backed down from that and asked you to come home without conditions, and now they've changed their mind again.

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

[EgyptPrincess]

cut the root before it grows into a tree

a root is easier to cut then a tree

What are you implying?

I suspect your parents are so shaken by the recent events that they agree to whatever they feel they should at the moment, and may sincerely mean it when they say it, but get different thoughts when the mood has cooled. First it was disownment, then they backed down from that and asked you to come home without conditions, and now they've changed their mind again.

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

I agree I think this might be a good decision. Decision and agreements were rushed and to be honest we're just not getting along at all at the moment. Everyday it's something else that we disagree on. I think some time apart will be good for me and my parents. Not like last time when I was kicked out but just explain that I think we need some time apart from each other.

[Misbah0411]

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

Not good advice. Now you want her to disobey her parents on this issue when the bottom line is she is trying to A. circumvent the Law of Allah through her whims and desires B. go against her parents wishes in keeping away from a disbelieving man. Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

[Kiro]

What are you implying?




I agree I think this might be a good decision. Decision and agreements were rushed and to be honest we're just not getting along at all at the moment. Everyday it's something else that we disagree on. I think some time apart will be good for me and my parents. Not like last time when I was kicked out but just explain that I think we need some time apart from each other.

Before I say what I want to say,

Islam being the practical religion it is, you take the precaution to stop something to grow into something big.

Stop your problem being it grows and grows into a tree, it starts off as a simple seed but it can slowly grow into a tree. And it's easier to cut the weed then it is a tree.

What I mean is, this man may be a friend right now. But you have to see Allah is trying to protect you. Protect you how? Islam I could say is a religion of precautions. You might develop more and more whatever it is such as feelings and slowly grow into something big until you can't handle it and from that, the tree can give birth to fruits.

Islam is a religion of modesty. Men and women have a natural attraction and that attraction can build. Even if you don't, Islam is a religion of modesty. To avoid any foolish or indecent behaviour. Right now, you find it easier but you'll find it harder when it grows thick.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

[EgyptPrincess]

Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

Fine then I'll move out...

How is it an evil encounter to have a meal with a non muslim friend? I am not trying to circumvent anything I'm just trying to pose a situation in which my father would approve of. Such as going with my sister or another friend. Therefore I am not alone in the company of a man.

[EgyptPrincess]

Before I say what I want to say,

Islam being the practical religion it is, you take the precaution to stop something to grow into something big.

Stop your problem being it grows and grows into a tree, it starts off as a simple seed but it can slowly grow into a tree. And it's easier to cut the weed then it is a tree.

What I mean is, this man may be a friend right now. But you have to see Allah is trying to protect you. Protect you how? Islam I could say is a religion of precautions. You might develop more and more whatever it is such as feelings and slowly grow into something big until you can't handle it and from that, the tree can give birth to fruits.

Islam is a religion of modesty. Men and women have a natural attraction and that attraction can build. Even if you don't, Islam is a religion of modesty. To avoid any foolish or indecent behaviour. Right now, you find it easier but you'll find it harder when it grows thick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

ok I'll watch it. I just wanted to say you assume the worst from a situation. What if it is the start of something amazing and the "tree" does grow full of fruit and he becomes Muslim and we marry and have children and it's amazing? I have the opportunity to convert him to Islam and I even offered my mum and dad to go to the dinner WITH me but they still say no. They are being unjust. They should give me a valid reason why not.

[Misbah0411]

Fine then I'll move out...

How is it an evil encounter to have a meal with a non muslim friend? I am not trying to circumvent anything I'm just trying to pose a situation in which my father would approve of. Such as going with my sister or another friend. Therefore I am not alone in the company of a man.

Your not going anywhere. Quit being a drama queen and do the right thing before you wreck yourself.

[EgyptPrincess]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

His humour makes me chuckle haha. It's a good lecture, I can relate to what he says.

Your not going anywhere. Quit being a drama queen and do the right thing before you wreck yourself.

I'm not being a drama queen, I hate that expression. A woman gets a bit frustrated and suddenly she's being dramatic... Also don't tell me what I can and can't do, you don't know what it's like under our roof at the moment.

[Kiro]

ok I'll watch it. I just wanted to say you assume the worst from a situation. What if it is the start of something amazing and the "tree" does grow full of fruit and he becomes Muslim and we marry and have children and it's amazing? I have the opportunity to convert him to Islam and I even offered my mum and dad to go to the dinner WITH me but they still say no. They are being unjust. They should give me a valid reason why not.

You're the one assuming I assume in the worse.

I'm just giving you the wisdom of Islam. You might get attached to him and humans have a natural attraction to each other which might open doors. I'm just telling you, Islam is modesty and part of modesty is practising of avoiding the haram.

[Kiro]

you cannot convert anyone, only Allah decides.

Verse (28:56)

Sahih International: Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.

[Futuwwa]

Not good advice. Now you want her to disobey her parents on this issue when the bottom line is she is trying to A. circumvent the Law of Allah through her whims and desires B. go against her parents wishes in keeping away from a disbelieving man. Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

And if she leaves and shacks up with kafirboy again, does what you say cease to apply since she's no longer in her father's house?

What matters is that she and her parents are trying to reconcile. Her parents have reneged on what they agreed on as part of that reconciliation. She has honoured what was agreed on. She has every moral right to demand a show of good faith from them.

[EgyptPrincess]

Salaam everyone,

I know you're probably bored with me already but I didn't want to just disappear without saying anything.

I met my friend tonight and had such a lovely meal with him and I know pretty much everyone here said I should not do this, I disobeyed my mother and father and went anyway. I am besotted by him...

I have decided it's best for me to move out and I am packing my things now, my parents and I have gone to the last thread and the household is just a misery to live in and I am upsetting my siblings and my parents. Everyday it's just arguments and neither or us can live like this. I think it's healthier for everyone if I just move out and give my parents a break. They don't deserve to see me upset and angry and it makes me upset to see them upset.

I don't think I'll be hanging around here because I am not learning much, don't get me wrong most of you are very sweet people and I am honestly grateful for your advice and support, even if I disagreed with some or all of it lol. Inshallah this forum will help many other Muslims in need of advice or support but for me I think I just need some space away from everything. The internet is not healthy for me as I just end up putting all my personal problems online and bad mouthing my parents when the truth is my heart splits in two when I see my parents cry :astag: it's not fair on them to put them through this. Inshallah I will continue to strive for stronger iman but I don't think I can do this under the current conditions. Again thank you all for your help and support and perhaps you'll see me back in the future at some point.

Jazak Allah swt Khayr

[ConcealedGem]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته sis

where are you going to go?

[Bhabha]

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

If you need someone to talk to please let me know. We can talk over bbm, whatsapp, or just normal texting or the phone. If you live in the USA I am just across the border, the northern one lol n

[EgyptPrincess]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته sis

where are you going to go?

I will stay at his place just until I go to uni in a few months.

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

If you need someone to talk to please let me know. We can talk over bbm, whatsapp, or just normal texting or the phone. If you live in the USA I am just across the border, the northern one lol n

I appreciate this sister. I'll pm you if I ever need your support or advice.

jzk

[Kiro]

What if you die, doing the haram...

[ConcealedGem]

Sister that isn't a good idea, wallahi your parents love you and know what is best please stay home. :(

Makes me sad tbh, subhanAllah

Remember your Islam and what is best for your deen, follow Allah's laws and wallahi you'll see the light, that's all I'm going to say..

Hope you change your mind soon.

و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله

[noraina]

Assalamu alaykum

Sis, will you not make your parents cry when you leave them again.

You are a sensible and intelligent person, ma'sha'Allah, you had made the right decision by going back home, so please don't turn away from it now. I think perhaps you need to have a little more patience, patience with Allah's swt plan, patience with your parents in order to grasp this situation, and patience with your friend to give him time to learn about Islam.

Your parents may be over-bearing and stern, but believe me it is because they love you. Many parents wouldn't be bothered, but the fact they allowed you to live with them again, and they are involving themselves with your life, shows how deeply concerned they are for you. :)

You say there is just a few months until you begin university. InshaAllah stay with your parents until then, I understand it may be hard and frustrating at times, but wallahi when you make a decision with the intention to please and obey Allah swt, He makes things easy for you later on - even if you may have to wait to see the results, they always come.

May Allah swt ease your hardships and guide you to what is best for both yourself and for your deen. You are welcome to post here anytime you feel like inshaAllah. :)

[Serinity]

Why do you insist when you know it is haram?

Take the shahadah please and calm down.

[s.ali123]

Salaam everyone,

I know you're probably bored with me already but I didn't want to just disappear without saying anything.

I met my friend tonight and had such a lovely meal with him and I know pretty much everyone here said I should not do this, I disobeyed my mother and father and went anyway. I am besotted by him...

I have decided it's best for me to move out and I am packing my things now, my parents and I have gone to the last thread and the household is just a misery to live in and I am upsetting my siblings and my parents. Everyday it's just arguments and neither or us can live like this. I think it's healthier for everyone if I just move out and give my parents a break. They don't deserve to see me upset and angry and it makes me upset to see them upset.

I don't think I'll be hanging around here because I am not learning much, don't get me wrong most of you are very sweet people and I am honestly grateful for your advice and support, even if I disagreed with some or all of it lol. Inshallah this forum will help many other Muslims in need of advice or support but for me I think I just need some space away from everything. The internet is not healthy for me as I just end up putting all my personal problems online and bad mouthing my parents when the truth is my heart splits in two when I see my parents cry :astag: it's not fair on them to put them through this. Inshallah I will continue to strive for stronger iman but I don't think I can do this under the current conditions. Again thank you all for your help and support and perhaps you'll see me back in the future at some point.

Jazak Allah swt Khayr

I dont know what to say exactly! But i would definitely not support this decision. To be honest even after discussing many things on different topics with you and reading your replies on different threads, I still find you too young to make strong decision. And from my own experience with people, in real life and on different forums, I would call your decision to be hasty and childish. Not because your decision is against Islam, but because I always find it amazing that why would a girl would let herself in a situation to have full access to herself while not asking for any legal right in return, i.e. girlfriend. I am not saying that your boyfriend is not honest or that he will leave you, but whatever you say the fact will still remain the same that you are just his girlfriend, and the threat will always remain the same that he can leave you whenever he wants. I am not saying he will, but in western society girlfriend boyfriend relation itself in majority of cases is not permanent, and worst that it does not have any legal status. What if at some point, or even now you get pragnent! Everything is possible. And at some point you feel he is not the guy you wanted, or he feels that you are not the girl he wanted. Rest you can read the experiences of other people who go through it. I would not even advise an athiest girl to take such risk, let alone a muslim girl.

This feeling of moving out to him is kind of more emotion one, which got triggered more after your dinner together, because in short you have emotional bond with him, and you feel that you cannot live without him. Believe me loving someone and living with someone are two seperate things. Even though both words have only difference one letter "i" and "o". But living and spending life with a person demands much more committment and sacrifice. You may not appreciate it right now, but you will understand it later on in life.

In the end it is your life and you yoursef are best judge and you will be accountable for everything. We can only give our opinion.

May Allah bless and guide you, Ameen.

[muslimah_B]

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad

Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I could type out rulings and throw them around but sometimes we dont want to hear it and just want things how we want them and will make up excuses in our head that its ok because of such and such etc but i know that you what your doing is in fact not halal, and no matter what anyone else says its not going to stop you..

I understand where your coming from and i was once in your position but i was opposite as in i was the non-muslim and my then bf/fiance was muslim (he passed away 2 months after i reverted inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajoon) as the post above mine mentions that sometimes you love that person so much but Allahs plans are for you not to be with that person and someone else (indeed very heartbraking)

My best advice would be to avoid seeing him if you can, and to try and guide him to islam, whenever you speak to him talk about islam, whatever his interests are refer them back to islam somehow, show youtube videos, anything and everything islam... but just understand that reverting is a hard but beautiful process... its not a easy decision to leave your whole entire life behind for something totally brand new that basically tells you, your whole entire life was lead in a haram way (i am exaggerating a lil bit but you get the point)
You have to understand from your parents point of view that a child grows up upon the fathers religion if a muslimah marries outside of the religion then the children wont be upon islam..
And the fact your dating someone who isnt muslim (he might stay non-muslim for years only Allah knows)

I understand you love him trust me i do, but if you really love him then guide him to islam or if you have brothers then let your brothers help him..that is all that matters
The dinner shouldnt matter more than that, just keep making dua sis

May Allah open his heart to fully accept islam in all its glory and beauty..Ameen

[Serinity]

Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.

[EgyptPrincess]

Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I could type out rulings and throw them around but sometimes we dont want to hear it and just want things how we want them and will make up excuses in our head that its ok because of such and such etc but i know that you what your doing is in fact not halal, and no matter what anyone else says its not going to stop you..

I understand where your coming from and i was once in your position but i was opposite as in i was the non-muslim and my then bf/fiance was muslim (he passed away 2 months after i reverted inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajoon) as the post above mine mentions that sometimes you love that person so much but Allahs plans are for you not to be with that person and someone else (indeed very heartbraking)

My best advice would be to avoid seeing him if you can, and to try and guide him to islam, whenever you speak to him talk about islam, whatever his interests are refer them back to islam somehow, show youtube videos, anything and everything islam... but just understand that reverting is a hard but beautiful process... its not a easy decision to leave your whole entire life behind for something totally brand new that basically tells you, your whole entire life was lead in a haram way (i am exaggerating a lil bit but you get the point)
You have to understand from your parents point of view that a child grows up upon the fathers religion if a muslimah marries outside of the religion then the children wont be upon islam..
And the fact your dating someone who isnt muslim (he might stay non-muslim for years only Allah knows)

I understand you love him trust me i do, but if you really love him then guide him to islam or if you have brothers then let your brothers help him..that is all that matters
The dinner shouldnt matter more than that, just keep making dua sis

May Allah open his heart to fully accept islam in all its glory and beauty..Ameen

I am trying to guide him to Islam sister I really am but even my own iman is low at the moment with all the stress and arguing going on under our roof I simply have no option but to move out. You know that feeling when you wake up and you feel like you don't have any problems in the world and you're so chilled out and you cannot wait for what the day holds? This is how I feel when I am with him. When I am with my parents I feel anxious and trapped and waiting for the next argument to break out. I have my older sister jumping down my throat telling me I bring shame to her and she is ashamed to tell people I am her sister and she is threatening him that she will do this and that if he does not forget about me.

He is under immense pressure as am I but this is not something I can just sweep under the rug... this is not like deciding to have water instead of coke... I have been in a relationship with him for a year and in that year I have been the happiest person on the planet, at least I feel that way. If he converts to Islam I fear my parents still will not accept him and forbid me from seeing him still.

Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.

I'm so done with you. Yes I am in love, don't dare to tell me otherwise. You have absolutely no idea how I feel. Wait until you love someone so much that you cannot bare to be away from them for a single day and then your parents tell you to cut off all ties from them. Let's see how well you handle that. You are severely underestimating the power of love.

[sister herb]

I wish you a happy and blessed life dear sister. Be careful as this path called life is full of traps but I am sure you will be careful. You may understand your parents better when you will be older. This happens to most of us. ;)

And may Allah always protect you and gives to you what you need.

You are always welcome back. We are here to waiting you, inshAllah.

[s.ali123]

I wish you a happy and blessed life dear sister. Be careful as this path called life is full of traps but I am sure you will be careful. You may understand your parents better when you will be older. This happens to most of us. ;)

And may Allah always protect you and gives to you what you need.

You are always welcome back. We are here to waiting you, inshAllah.

I would like to say the same :) You summed it up sisterherb :)

[Serinity]

Nay I am not,

Beware of your heart getting enslaved to your bf, beware of shirk in love. I am just warning you, not wanting you harm. But if you want to harm yourself, then go ahead.

just crush the relationship, rebuild your heart, and get stronger. I know it is hard, but with hardship comes ease. If you leave a thing for Allah SWT's sake, Allah SWT will replace that with something much better, from where you expect not.

It is not love when it makes you disobey Allah SWT.

And reading from your previous posts, I recommend you to read the shahadah, too.

May Allah SWT guide you away from this and free your heart and guide it in full submission to Him SWT,. Ameen.

[ardianto]

Nay I am not,

Beware of your heart getting enslaved to your bf, beware of shirk in love. I am just warning you, not wanting you harm. But if you want to harm yourself, then go ahead.

just crush the relationship, rebuild your heart, and get stronger. I know it is hard, but with hardship comes ease. If you leave a thing for Allah SWT's sake, Allah SWT will replace that with something much better, from where you expect not.

It is not love when it makes you disobey Allah SWT.

And reading from your previous posts, I recommend you to read the shahadah, too.

May Allah SWT guide you away from this and free your heart and guide it in full submission to Him SWT,. Ameen.

Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.

[Serinity]

Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.

But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.

[s.ali123]

But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.

But brother she is not talking about dinner now. She already had dinner. Now she is talking about permanently moving out of parents house.

[piXie]

Brother Adrianto,

Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam, it is one of the sins which Allah has prescribed a punishment in this life. If we do not believe in scolding, then we should atleast show our disaproval by remaining quiet. One doesn't give duas of success and happiness, especially to the face of people who seem to show no shame or remorse and neither do such duas take effect if we make Allah and our parents unhappy, in this life or the next.

Your parents may have gone against their word, but their word does not stand above the word of Allah. They cannot allow you something which Allah has forbidden. It is an invalid pact in the sight of Allah. You however, have gone against both Allah and your parents and your decision to live with your boyfriend is grave.

[Serinity]

Don't expect your parents to hold their words when it goes against Allah SWT.

I'd break any promise if it goes against Allah SWT. After all, there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator.

I will never make dua for such a relation to last. I will never do that. And I will never encourage her to move out, alone.

we can't be softies when it comes to Islam. she is in a haram relationship, no way will her parents allow her to go out, because:

A. she is in a haram relationship.
B. they'd be disobeying Allah SWT.
C. There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to Allah SWT.

No haram relationships will hold any fruitful blessings, as it is haram. And I can't see Allah SWT blessing something He SWT forbade.

[ardianto]

Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam,

If a relationship is haram, then this haram relationship should be changed into halal relationship. That's why we must make du'a, wish Allah make her boyfriend become Muslim, then they get married, and their relationship become halal.

The reason why I don't tell EgyptPrincess to leave her boyfriend is, .... she will not listen to me because he really love her boyfriend. So it's better if I make dua, wish Allah make them get married in Islamic way, then their relationship become halal.

[Insaanah]

:sl:

You are severely underestimating the power of love.

What is love? It is an emotion, a desire. Yet in today's world, love, this emotion, this desire, even if illicit, is made to be the most important thing. People are subservient to, and slave to, their desires, and feel good doing that. Society has made it feel harmless, normal, or desirable, when in fact it is neither of these. Allah talks in the Qur'an about those who follow their desires, or make their desires their gods, being subservient to and slave to this emotion or desire, and being disobedient to Allah in regards to that desire. But they do not even realise they are doing this, such are the workings of Shaytan. Emotions/desires are fleeting things, a very frail thing to follow.

As to severely underestimating the power of "love", it might be you who's severely underestimating it. It is something, that if done wrongly, can lead straight to the fire of hell. That is the power of "love". It can cloud the judgement in a way that nothing else can, except perhaps alcohol and anger.

I am trying to guide him to Islam sister I really am

You should refer him to Muslim brothers and let them do this. This is not the job of a non-mahram Muslim woman.

You know that feeling when you wake up and you feel like you don't have any problems in the world and you're so chilled out and you cannot wait for what the day holds? This is how I feel when I am with him.

What if you felt like that, but actually were in a very bad sitauation with your Creator. Can your happiness be in the potential anger and displeasure of your Creator?

Also, this all seems to be about your parents. On the day of judgement, they will not be judging you, Allah will. Your first fear should be of Allaah. But you should also love Allah, more than anything and anyone else, and want to please Him, and not want to disobey Him.

We can use nice words, but the bottom line, is that you are in a very precarious and dangerous situation, moreso because you are so blinded by it that you cannot see the danger you are in, and are trying to justify it. This "relationship", which should worry any Muslim, is giving you great happiness. And anyone that tries to advise you sincerely, you see as being an obstacle to your happiness, you think they can't possibly understand, instead of seeing their concern for your guidance and wanting you to be saved from punishment and going astray, as a great blessing, and reflecting over it with seriousness.

We cannot sugar coat this. Bottom line is, as you know, this is totally haraam. The Propher :saws: has taught us through the hadeeth that it is not allowed for non-mahrams to be alone together. This would include meeting together for dinner in a public place, it's still the two of you at the table without your wali, and for no Islamically valid reason. You need to cut off all contact, ask Allah for forgiveness, ask Allah to guide him (through brothers), and if that happens, and he proves to be a good Muslim, then you may marry him if your parents agree.

May Allah save you and guide you and us all, ameen.

[Serinity]

I take this from another thread on UF, no credit goes to me (a snippet):

The different stages and the corruption that is led from gazing upon non mahrams/haram:

1. Mahabbah - 'Love'. The first sight, the starting point of deceiving the eyes and entering the heart as a disease
2. Sababah - Longing, The sight intensifies into something deeper. The heart becomes totally dependant and devoted to the object of its desire.
3.Gharamah- Infatuation. This is further intensifying the gaze which has entered the heart and clings to the heart like the one seeking repayment of a debt clings firmly to the one who has to pay the debt.

Astagfirullah, May Allah SWT Have mercy on us- Ameen

4.Ishk- LOVE. this is a love that transgresses all bounds.
5.Shaghafa- This a love that encompasses every tiny part of the heart. La hawla wala qu wata illa billahil ali uil azim
6.Tatayyuma- The final stage of worshiping the love of the first glance. Please bear in mind the word 'tayyamallah' i.e. he worshipped Allah.
But this action is NOT worshipping Allah SWT but only ones desires.

'Hence, the heart begins to worship that which is not correct for it to worship and the reason behind all of this was an illegal glance. The heart is now bound in chains whereas, before it used to be the master, it is now imprisoned whereas before it was free. It has been oppressed by the eye and it complains to it upon which the eye replies: I am your guide and messenger and it was you who sent me in the first place!'

Source: http://sunnahonline.com/library/puri...g-the-gaze-the
In this thread the lowering of the gaze will be emphasised and what the Quran and the sahih hadiths have warned us against will be shared.
Please feel free to share your knowledge too.

Do not move out with your bf, Iblees/shaytaan is the third, which could lead you to fall into Zina.

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

Wow SubhanAllaah so much has happened in the past couple of days - I'm actually really upset and shocked you decided to make such a decision, providing you started to learn about Islam.

May Allaah Guide you sis, I will remember you in my prayers especially now and in Ramadan - may Allaah bless you with wisdom to see Islam for what it really is - a beautiful way of life :love:

[Misbah0411]

"Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilah (god), and Allah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allah? Will you not then remember?" (45:23) She better hope that Allah Azza wa jal gives her respite so hopefully she comes back to her senses and realizes the errors of her ways.

[Serinity]

Btw, I remember from a thread where you said some clear cut kufr. It'd be a good / recommended thing for you to take the shahadah, and repent from that.

I only say this cuz I am concerned, say the shahadah and repent.

Forgive me if I ever was harsh, I only wanted / tried to say things as they are.

[muslimah_B]

I understand that everyone wants her to know that it is haram etc and what the Quran and sunnah says about it...and im sure she already knows this
But a few of you are coming across very harshly towards the sister, which can in actuall fact can push her further away from islam and more onto him to get away from being judged and spoken to so harshly.
Nobody here is perfect or pious, we all sin in some form or the other and may anger Allah knowingly or unknowingly, the doors of repentance to Allah are always open if there is emaan in the heart.
The sister clearly knows its wrong but is oviously going to find it difficult to leave or walk away from somebody who to HER she loves and finds happiness with, she clearly does not want it to end and would rather be married to the guy in a halal manner
Sometimes people need to take a down to earth approach when giving advice yes mention Quran & sunnah no doubt but also try to be understanding to her situation and try to think and feel how she does in her situation
The harshness is what drives people away from the deen and further into haram...
"this is haram your haram etc etc" yesss they knoww !! So help them understand in the best way possible while being empathetic to their situation, while remembering that you yourselfs are not perfect and to hold off the judgy tones

We should all be encouraging her and helping her emaan raise, and maybe one of the brothers could speak to him and befriend him and help him find islam

[Kiro]

I understand that everyone wants her to know that it is haram etc and what the Quran and sunnah says about it...and im sure she already knows this
But a few of you are coming across very harshly towards the sister, which can in actuall fact can push her further away from islam and more onto him to get away from being judged and spoken to so harshly.
Nobody here is perfect or pious, we all sin in some form or the other and may anger Allah knowingly or unknowingly, the doors of repentance to Allah are always open if there is emaan in the heart.
The sister clearly knows its wrong but is oviously going to find it difficult to leave or walk away from somebody who to HER she loves and finds happiness with, she clearly does not want it to end and would rather be married to the guy in a halal manner
Sometimes people need to take a down to earth approach when giving advice yes mention Quran & sunnah no doubt but also try to be understanding to her situation and try to think and feel how she does in her situation
The harshness is what drives people away from the deen and further into haram...
"this is haram your haram etc etc" yesss they knoww !! So help them understand in the best way possible while being empathetic to their situation, while remembering that you yourselfs are not perfect and to hold off the judgy tones

We should all be encouraging her and helping her emaan raise, and maybe one of the brothers could speak to him and befriend him and help him find islam

they're just speaking the truth, it might come across as harsh but they've spoken the truth

there's not really many ways in saying it

[muslimah_B]

they're just speaking the truth, it might come across as harsh but they've spoken the truth

I dont dent theyre speaking the truth, but there is way to speak to fellow muslims, the way you speak and give advice can determine wether they take it on board and act on it or just ignore it as its come across in a judgemental manner
eg

A sister is wearing sandals and another sister tells her she shouldnt wear them its haram go put shoes on... shes not going to pay attention and find it very rude

If the sister says... sis you have cute feet but sister we dont show our feet, men can find them attractive, and covering them is part of our hijab... she is more likely to take it on board and act upon it.

There are etiquettes on giving advice and how you should..
Nobody here would like to be spoken to in a harsh manner when asking for advice and help
These exact reasons are why muslims born or reverts turn away from the deen due to harshness of other muslims when asking for help (im saying in general aswell not directly at anybody here)

[Serinity]

The truth may be salty and bitter, the lie may be pleasant and sweet.

so please, say the shahadah. Cuz I know you've said kufr. Idk whether you've repented from it tho.

[Kiro]

I dont dent theyre speaking the truth, but there is way to speak to fellow muslims, the way you speak and give advice can determine wether they take it on board and act on it or just ignore it as its come across in a judgemental manner
eg

A sister is wearing sandals and another sister tells her she shouldnt wear them its haram go put shoes on... shes not going to pay attention and find it very rude

If the sister says... sis you have cute feet but sister we dont show our feet, men can find them attractive, and covering them is part of our hijab... she is more likely to take it on board and act upon it.

There are etiquettes on giving advice and how you should..
Nobody here would like to be spoken to in a harsh manner when asking for advice and help
These exact reasons are why muslims born or reverts turn away from the deen due to harshness of other muslims when asking for help (im saying in general aswell not directly at anybody here)

I know but sometimes these posts can come across as harsh when they're not. It's their job to convey the teachings of Islam the best they can but it's not their job for the receiving end to like the message and teachings of Islam better.

The sister asked on a Islamic forum and I understand @Serinity 's posts may have come across harsh but he was just being honest. There's not much you can say.

Sister Egyptian, you can't convert him and Allah won't put blessings into a marriage that was born out of the haram.

[Serinity]

From the bottom of my heart: You are not in love. this love is but haram love. Infatuation, a crush.

I've been there, it is not love, it is something that will suck the living happiness out of you one day, it will be your course of grief. Like sweet poison that takes it toll at the end..

Allah SWT does not bless haram relationships with love - rather it is fueled by the shaytaan - illusionary dreams and feelings, that bring nothing but pain.

you just don't see it, you're poisoned by this haram love - you've been blinded. Please wake up.

painful experiences that came from haram relationships, etc. should serve as lessons that make us wiser and stronger. MAY Allah SWT make you feel the pain, out of His Mercy. Ameen.

Pain and sorrow can be your teacher - but it can also be your destroyer. Allahu alam.

[muslimah_B]

I know but sometimes these posts can come across as harsh when they're not. It's their job to convey the teachings of Islam the best they can but it's not their job for the receiving end to like the message and teachings of Islam better.

The sister asked on a Islamic forum and I understand @Serinity 's posts may have come across harsh but he was just being honest. There's not much you can say.

Sister Egyptian, you can't convert him and Allah won't put blessings into a marriage that was born out of the haram.

I understand that, but thats why we should be carefull how we speak even on here to people, to try our best to not come across in a demeaning way or harsh way, you may not care how it comes across but for the person recieving it, it can be very upsetting and for anybody with low emaan or little to none it can be the pushing point of them staying or leaving

[muslimah_B]

From the bottom of my heart: You are not in love. this love is but haram love. Infatuation, a crush.

I've been there, it is not love, it is something that will suck the living happiness out of you one day, it will be your course of grief. Like sweet poison that takes it toll at the end..

Allah SWT does not bless haram relationships with love - rather it is fueled by the shaytaan - illusionary dreams and feelings, that bring nothing but pain.

you just don't see it, you're poisoned by this haram love - you've been blinded. Please wake up.

painful experiences that came from haram relationships, etc. should serve as lessons that make us wiser and stronger. MAY Allah SWT make you feel the pain, out of His Mercy. Ameen.

Pain and sorrow can be your teacher - but it can also be your destroyer. Allahu alam.

I honestly agree with what you said up untill you made that dua wich tbh i dont agree with.

We all agree that what she is doing is haram, wether it is love or not only Allah knows whats in their hearts and what their intentions are, but i dont think you should be making dua for the sister to feel pain... rather we should be making dua for her emaan to rise and for Allah to guide her and give her strengthen her

The guy could revert and they get married, they repent for their mistakes...Allah is all mercifull and will continuosly forgive us whilst we still have emaan in our hearts.

If youv been there then you should know how hard it is and be more empathetic towards the whole situation

[Serinity]

Bismillahi rahmani raheem,

Consider this, internalise this - don't feel offended or try to blame other people. Look inside yourself - blame yourself, and fix yourself. Don't blame others for your pain. Now:

Know that Allah SWT may punish someone by giving them pleasure, either by a boyfriend or girlfriend, business, women, cars, etc. And they get happy, their ego takes hold, and they think "I really feel nice!" or something.... But that may but a punishment in disguise, or something.

Now, please take this as a wakeup call, and internalise that you are deluded, and that you need to see clearly. Your boyfriend won't bring anything, he is just another child of Adam, a potential Muslim, yes, but not one yet.

your intentions may be good, but your actions are not good. If your actions are bad, your intentions go out the window. If I go kill children and say "I really just want to love them......<3" doesn't matter.

you are committing wrong, so whatever your intentions are, know that if what you do is haram, your intentions whether good or wrong, will not justify it.

[Serinity]

I honestly agree with what you said up untill you made that dua wich tbh i dont agree with.

We all agree that what she is doing is haram, wether it is love or not only Allah knows whats in their hearts and what their intentions are, but i dont think you should be making dua for the sister to feel pain... rather we should be making dua for her emaan to rise and for Allah to guide her and give her strengthen her

The guy could revert and they get married, they repent for their mistakes...Allah is all mercifull and will continuosly forgive us whilst we still have emaan in our hearts.

If youv been there then you should know how hard it is and be more empathetic towards the whole situation

The dua is a beautiful dua. Very beautiful. Very Merciful. :) There is much much wisdom in it, I feel. May Allah SWT bless us. Ameen.

May Allah SWT forgive me for whatever I said of wrong. Ameen.

Now take the shahadah, EgyptPrincess, cuz you said open clear kufr in a post.

[Kiro]

Sister, I'm sorry you feel like this. And I know it can be hard. And that it can be conflicting.

But remember, your parents raised you, changed you. Your mother gave up her figure (her beauty) for you for more than 9 months and went through the biggest pain imaginable just to bring you into the world. Fed you and changed you, they were patient with you when you just kept crying and disturbed their sleep. Cleaning your urine and defecation. They didn't have to this for you. Don't forget the favours of your parents and before you become the one that looks after them like they did with you when you were a baby.

You love your parents but your parents love for you is unimaginable. What they've done for you even if you deny the favours they have done for you, is even bigger the the favours of that man.

They love you and they will always be your child no matter what harsh things they say to you. We should honor them in the best way we can or atleast we can try to honor them in the ways we can whether it is making a cup of tea for them or doing the laundry or cleaning the dishes.

Don't hurt your parents more than you need to.

And Allah loves his creation many times than parents. By the will of Allah, he feeds you, clothes you and showers you. Sincerely ask yourself. Who is more deserving, Allah; the most compassionate and mercy beyond your imagination, the kindest over a man (a creation of Allah).

I know, even if you don't think I'd understand. Yes you love this man but if you're still with him then you're choosing him over Allah.

But if you ever get the questions around your heard. Because of this Islam, I can't do this or I can't do this. Allah isn't wishing hardship for you but he wants you to avoid hardship. Allah is above all examples when you have a father that forbids a child from doing this and the child gets really angry and upset or even attached. They just want what's best for you.

He seemed like a nice man, if possible. Get him to come back and so Islamicboard can do some dawah. :)

But if you really love Allah, if you really believe in Islam. Leave him for the sake of Allah, the longer you're with him then the harder it will be.

This life is temporary so don't fall into the trap of this world over the eternal.

[muslimah_B]

The dua is a beautiful dua. Very beautiful. Very Merciful. :) There is much much wisdom in it, I feel. May Allah SWT bless us. Ameen.

May Allah SWT forgive me for whatever I said of wrong. Ameen.

Now take the shahadah, EgyptPrincess, cuz you said open clear kufr in a post.

In my humble opinion we should only be making dua of pain etc to people who are in a position to deserve it, such as those who openly leave islam slandering it whilst calling people to shirk, or those who kill or harm muslims...

What exaclty did she say that was kufr, could you please post it so if it is infact kufr she may see it and repent in sha Allah

[EgyptPrincess]

@Serinity I don't need to say shahada because Allah swt knows my true feelings. I said some things which were of my opinion, I never said they were true. Allah knows best.

I have said all I can say and I don't know what else I can say or do. Serinity you seem to be under the illusion that non muslims can never have a sound marriage, I know of an elderly couple who married at 20 and they're not in their 80's so don't tell me non islamic marriage cannot work out. I also know of some Muslims who married and divorced in a few years...

He may rip my heart out and I will be emotionally scared for life but I don't believe he will. He would do anything for me I know it, the last thing he wants is to upset me. Of course I know what I am doing is wrong and Allah knows my intentions. I don't want someone else... I don't want a controlling man like my father, I don't want a man with a beard or a man that cannot provide very well for me. I want this man and Inshallah he'll be guided to Islam, with my support.

I will click my fingers and he will come running, I can help him understand Islam and by the will of Allah he will become Muslim. I am in such an emotional state right now, I am split into two different people, love for Allah and my parents and love for my boyfriend. I know that my heart should be full of love for Allah but it's not at the moment and the love I have for my boyfriend is so strong (some might say alhamdulillah if he was my husband) but I know it's haram love.

At this point the only thing which will stop me from pursuing this path is if he turns me back and sends me home again like he did last time. He knows the state I am in and the sadness I have so I doubt he will send me back again. Besides this is only for a few months because I leave for uni then and Inshallah he is Muslim by this point.

I will continue to read what you all post and reply to PM's from the helpful sisters jzk but I won't reply here on the forum. It's too stressful to argue a losing battle. I continue to pray Inshallah and Ramadan is coming up which I will fast and Inshallah my iman grows stronger and perhaps he will convert when I teach him some more about it. If we learn about it together I think he will become interested in it.

Yes Allah guides whom he chooses but people sometimes need a push in the right direction, usually from a friend.

I don't know what else to say... imsad

[Serinity]

Here is the kufr post:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ml#post2892456

And I didn't say that kafirs can't have good marriages, but that it can be a punishment in disguise. Allah SWT may take someone at their greatest moment in life - lots of children, cars, good parents, etc.

A Muslim may be going through tons of trials, divorces, pain, family problems, but Allah SWT loves him.

The "good" moments you go through with your boyfriend, is just an illusion. The life of this world is enjoyment, but the Hereafter is better.

Do you really think that Allah SWT will bless this sinful relationship? I don't think so.

May Allah SWT guide you. Ameen.

[Misbah0411]

Here is the kufr post:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ml#post2892456

And I didn't say that kafirs can't have good marriages, but that it can be a punishment in disguise. Allah SWT may take someone at their greatest moment in life - lots of children, cars, good parents, etc.

A Muslim may be going through tons of trials, divorces, pain, family problems, but Allah SWT loves him.

The "good" moments you go through with your boyfriend, is just an illusion. The life of this world is enjoyment, but the Hereafter is better.

Do you really think that Allah SWT will bless this sinful relationship? I don't think so.

May Allah SWT guide you. Ameen.

Unfortunately, that is clear cut kufr which explains so many other of her posts.

[Freedom]

I've been reading the posts in this thread. I usually have a lot to say, but I don't even know what to write this time.

[Serinity]

Unfortunately, that is clear cut kufr which explains so many other of her posts.

True, some are very unislamic, and quite poisonous too.

she doesn't see clearly, may Allah SWT guide her.

I don't see why she is holding unto this poison.. Like an addict on crack or something.

I apologize if I offended, in advance.
May Allah SWT forgive me If I said wrong. Ameen.

[muslimah_B]

Unfortunately it is clear cut kufr... denying the Quran or stating it has defects or it not complete is denying Allah and denying Allah is perfect point blank..
After reading it maybe the sister is in need of rukya as no sane muslim would say such things about the Quran... astagfirllah

Tbh sometimes things are very hard to let go of and take some time, something you may find easy, to another person it could be the hardest thing in the world to them

Wallahi i had the hardest time giving up music and doing my eyebrows
Then Allah sent me a dream that scared the poop out of me and i stopped music from that moment, i still have my odd days where im tempted to but i know its shaytan and his waswas.
Eyebrows i read the hadeeth about being cursed... and was like no way am i going to be cursed for this
(I honestly see sisters getting their eyebrows done in ramadan and it makes me shudder) i tell them about the hadeeth in the best way i can, iv done my job and from that point on its up to them

As long as we have made our point that it is indeed haram, it is upon her either listn and act or not to listn

[Kiro]

True, some are very unislamic, and quite poisonous too.

she doesn't see clearly, may Allah SWT guide her.

I don't see why she is holding unto this poison.. Like an addict on crack or something.

I apologize if I offended, in advance.
May Allah SWT forgive me If I said wrong. Ameen.

Unfortunately it is clear cut kufr... denying the Quran or stating it has defects or it not complete is denying Allah and denying Allah is perfect point blank..
After reading it maybe the sister is in need of rukya as no sane muslim would say such things about the Quran... astagfirllah

Tbh sometimes things are very hard to let go of and take some time, something you may find easy, to another person it could be the hardest thing in the world to them

Wallahi i had the hardest time giving up music and doing my eyebrows
Then Allah sent me a dream that scared the poop out of me and i stopped music from that moment, i still have my odd days where im tempted to but i know its shaytan and his waswas.
Eyebrows i read the hadeeth about being cursed... and was like no way am i going to be cursed for this
(I honestly see sisters getting their eyebrows done in ramadan and it makes me shudder) i tell them about the hadeeth in the best way i can, iv done my job and from that point on its up to them

As long as we have made our point that it is indeed haram, it is upon her either listn and act or not to listn

That was a while ago. The sister must have changed, it's likely she doesn't believe there are defects anymore :)

[EgyptPrincess]

Unfortunately, that is clear cut kufr which explains so many other of her posts.

You're right... now I look back at what I said I cannot believe I said that. :astag:never would I think that. I think I said that after I had a massive argument with my father and I was very mad with him because he was using the Quran to justify (legitimately) my relationship with him as haram and I was very ignorant to this and so I shunned the Quran. Oh allah forgive me! I resaid Shahada and never will I say anything like that again. I am just weak at controlling my emotions. Allah knows my intentions and my thoughts and my feelings!

I regret saying this so much and forgot I even said it...

This was the week my father kicked me out and I was extremely emotional and angry and not thinking clearly. I just looked back and I said some other terrible things. I am the worst of Muslims :( :astag:

[muslimah_B]

That was a while ago. The sister must have changed, it's likely she doesn't believe there are defects anymore :)

Im using tap talk so i cant see properly when posts where made or maybe its just me and my newbness to taptalk lol

[Serinity]

One thing I've seen so far which is sadly a weakness, is the hastiness in judging people, and justifying one's own state.

As long as you understand that what you're doing is wrong, and that we won't help you or support you in sinning, and disobeying Allah SWT.

Alhamdulillah, you said the shahadah. Be careful for what you say. And remember to think positively, and don't act / talk out of ignorance......

this goes to all of us. May Allah SWT forgive us, guide us and strengthen us. Ameen.

One thing I dislike tho, is the justification of your own state. you know you are wrong, so acknowledge that those feelings are haram, and READ more Quran.. Listen to more Quran, it'll fill your heart, and you'll love the Quran more.

Stop listening to Music, and don't listen to the whispers. This deen ain't no joke, but it ain't hard either, it is simple and easy. Self-reflection and acknowledging one's own state, one's weaknesses, being able to know what one can, and can not do.

[muslimah_B]

You're right... now I look back at what I said I cannot believe I said that. :astag:never would I think that. I think I said that after I had a massive argument with my father and I was very mad with him because he was using the Quran to justify (legitimately) my relationship with him as haram and I was very ignorant to this and so I shunned the Quran. Oh allah forgive me! I resaid Shahada and never will I say anything like that again. I am just weak at controlling my emotions. Allah knows my intentions and my thoughts and my feelings!

I regret saying this so much and forgot I even said it...

This was the week my father kicked me out and I was extremely emotional and angry and not thinking clearly. I just looked back and I said some other terrible things. I am the worst of Muslims :( :astag:

Ofcorse when we are angry we say awfull things etc
But speaking against Allah is the worst thing we as muslims can ever do, no matter how angry we are, we should never ever say anything against Allah or the Quran, its the no go zone literally.
Shirk and qufr take us out of the fold of islam

In sha Allah you deeply regret what you said and it will never happen agen

May Allah guide you, raise your emaan, and grant you strength to bare your trials and hardships with sabr and total devotion to Allah.. Ameen

[Serinity]

There can be no taqwa without the knowledge of Allah SWT. Unless Allah SWT wills.

So, if you want to be aware and fearful of Allah SWT, then read the Quran and increase in knowledge.

I gotta be frank - some of your posts are quite poisonous and ignorant - gain some knowledge and don't speak without knowledge from your nafs.

Have some respect before Allah SWT, make Allah SWT more important than your boyfriend and yourself.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong, and guide us all. Ameen.

[s.ali123]

Im using tap talk so i cant see properly when posts where made or maybe its just me and my newbness to taptalk lol

Lol in all this heat, I can only say tapatalk is awesome! It made life so easy [emoji4]

[s.ali123]

You're right... now I look back at what I said I cannot believe I said that. :astag:never would I think that. I think I said that after I had a massive argument with my father and I was very mad with him because he was using the Quran to justify (legitimately) my relationship with him as haram and I was very ignorant to this and so I shunned the Quran. Oh allah forgive me! I resaid Shahada and never will I say anything like that again. I am just weak at controlling my emotions. Allah knows my intentions and my thoughts and my feelings!

I regret saying this so much and forgot I even said it...

This was the week my father kicked me out and I was extremely emotional and angry and not thinking clearly. I just looked back and I said some other terrible things. I am the worst of Muslims :( :astag:

Sister what's done is done! May Allah forgive what you said that time in anger. A Muslim is not emotional. These things when we become angry or too much emotional. No one is perfect. You are still young, and have lot to learn like all of us.
I dont agree with the way some people here tried to convey the msg here. You already know and understand what they were trying to convey. I feel they just wasted some energy typing things again n again :D
May Allah help them and you in this difficult time. Ameen.

[muslimah_B]

Lol in all this heat, I can only say tapatalk is awesome! It made life so easy [emoji4]

Im still trying to get used to it lol im too used to whatsapp and nothing else lol

[Kiro]

update us

[EgyptPrincess]

update us

I am staying at his place until Friday and then I am going to go back home to my parents and try my absolute hardest to get on with them and to honour their wishes, for the moment I just need to time alone.

Don't worry, no haram / zina is being committed lol, my friend has gone to work abroad for a week so I will be staying here alone until Friday, he said I could of course. I just need time to get myself together and my head straight you know?

Thank you for caring lil bro, it means a lot. Even though I disagreed with a lot of people here I would probably still not be talking to my parents if it wasn't for this forum.

[Serinity]

I know how it feels, and it feels like poison to me.. It is a sense of longing, etc.

Poison in the sense that it makes me feel 'weak' and 'enslaved'. Why do you want to live like that? perhaps you don't see it.. but I do.

anyways, may Allah SWT guide you. Ameen.

[Cpt.America]

Asalaamualaikum sis.

I went through both your threads on the forum.
I understand that perhaps your parents didn't explain Islam in the best way to you, and that is not your fault.
And from stresses at home maybe you turned outward and found solace with affection from this man, your bf. Also understandable. We are human, and the heart works that way.
Through all of this I am glad that you still hold a thread to Islam, and have room in your heart to still turn to Allah, and have not allowed arrogance to take over your heart, in the sense that you still recognize between halal and haram.
I mean, yes, what youre doing does make you feel happy, but we know it is haram.
And you are in a tough situation, a difficult test in life, where you love something even though by Islam, we know it may not be good for you.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

Anyway in my lifes experiences, personally, I guess I had something of a similar situation. I loved something that made me feel happy although I knew it was haram. I thought the good in it outweighed the bad and thaat would never end. Ultimately in the end that thing turned sour and as such all good memories associated with it turned painful. The end result was: I t was haram, and it hurt more than whatever good it had had initially. Alhamdulillah, Allah's commandments have wisdom and love, because He create us and He knows us better than ourselves. Things that are haram, ultimately hurt, both in this life and the next, so listening to Allah protects us.

Now I don't know if that will be the same situation for you ultimately, but we all tell ourselves "but it won't happen to me." And it might not. Only Allah knows. I'm just saying be careful, it might end up like that. And don't be afraid to ever turn to Allah when things get hard.

So, your family life isn't great. And thats heart breaking.
And you'll be independent soon InshaaAllah,
You need to realize what the purpose of life is.
It might not be Islam as your parents presented it to you.
But you do have a responsibility to learn about what lifes purpose is.

I just saw this video and I think it could help you. Its certainly helping me.
(apparently I can't post links as a nonfull member so I cut out the www parts)

youtube.com/watch?v=ifllgTA2pmY

Whatever you're doing, or whatever condition you're in,
(We all get low imaan, and we all commit sins. Its natural)
realize the purpose of life.

Before you start worrying about the details of Islam, work on your five pillars.
I used to complain about stuff like why can't I freemix, or why can't i listen to music, or why can't i draw faces, or why do I need to keep a beard,why should I pray in the masjid, etc.
complain for the sake of complaining about minor details.
Now that I look back, I didnt even have my five pillars in order.

I wasn't praying salaat five times a day.
I wasn't reading quran.
I didn't know really about the Prophet Muhammad SAW and his beautiful manners and his struggle
I didn't know of the prophets
or I did and I was ignoring it.

Before you worry about anything,
Ponder the kalimah.
What it means to be muslim
No one is born muslim.
The sahabah didn't even come from monotheistic backgrounds. They had to choose to become muslim. Umar RA hated Islam and was ona mission to KILL the Prophet Muhammad SAW when he accepted the Truth, and became one of the greatest Muslims in history. Kalid bin Waleed was a general in battles against the muslims before he realized the truth of Islam and joined their ranks.
Anyone who is really muslim must choose to be muslim. They must choose to accept that Allah is The One, the all knowing, the all wise, the all powerful, and the most merciful. And that we should follow His commands from our own free will.

You need to start praying five times a day.
Whatever state your imaans in.
Whatever sins you're doing.
Doesn't matter.
Don't give up your salaat.
Beg Allah for guidance and understanding.
We are lost in life without that guidance. You're young. But I guarantee you that as we get older we see that more and more and more.

Read Quran and tafseer of Quran. Read what Allah has said.
Look up videos on the Quran's tafseer by Brother Nouman Ali Khan on youtube, hes done an amazing project in regards to tafseer.

Read about the Prophet SAW.
I highly recommend you read "Muhammad by Martin Lings" order it on Amazon if you need to.

Look at why people choose to be Muslim.
The Deen Show channel on youtube has a ton of great interviews in its backlog
this one struck me:
youtube.com/watch?v=XEUNqB5mo3w

Read some of the conversion stories here, and articles on Islam
islamreligion.com/


Basically, learn about Islam.
Because I promise you, no matter how happy you are for a moment, we are all empty without Islam.
You might think that your family's behaviour may be causing that void (and it might definitely have a big contribution to it)
And you might think that being with your bf will make everything better
Or that becoming independent will make everything better
But its a grass is greener on the other side sort of thing
The body needs food for nourishment and survival
And the soul needs to worship Allah for nourishment
As long as we keep our souls starved, it will constantly seek to fill that void with worshiping something or another
-love for a person who is ultimately imperfect
-chasing after money which is ultimately unfulfilling
-popularity
-prestige
-even education
-hedonism
basically 'if i just get this one thing, or one more thing, it will solve everything'
Nothing but Islam can give us a peace of mind even through the trials of life.
May Allah bless us with guidance and away from our ignorance.

You need this. I need this. We all need this. But we have to choose it.
So please learn about Islam.
Look into it with an open mind and an open heart.

Anyone who seeks guidance, will be given guidance.
And anyone who doesn't is free to make that choice.

I hope you are well and that you find all that you seek, sis.
Everything that you're going through right now breaks my heart.

[EgyptPrincess]

Asalaamualaikum sis.

I went through both your threads on the forum.
I understand that perhaps your parents didn't explain Islam in the best way to you, and that is not your fault.
And from stresses at home maybe you turned outward and found solace with affection from this man, your bf. Also understandable. We are human, and the heart works that way.
Through all of this I am glad that you still hold a thread to Islam, and have room in your heart to still turn to Allah, and have not allowed arrogance to take over your heart, in the sense that you still recognize between halal and haram.
I mean, yes, what youre doing does make you feel happy, but we know it is haram.
And you are in a tough situation, a difficult test in life, where you love something even though by Islam, we know it may not be good for you.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

Anyway in my lifes experiences, personally, I guess I had something of a similar situation. I loved something that made me feel happy although I knew it was haram. I thought the good in it outweighed the bad and thaat would never end. Ultimately in the end that thing turned sour and as such all good memories associated with it turned painful. The end result was: I t was haram, and it hurt more than whatever good it had had initially. Alhamdulillah, Allah's commandments have wisdom and love, because He create us and He knows us better than ourselves. Things that are haram, ultimately hurt, both in this life and the next, so listening to Allah protects us.

Now I don't know if that will be the same situation for you ultimately, but we all tell ourselves "but it won't happen to me." And it might not. Only Allah knows. I'm just saying be careful, it might end up like that. And don't be afraid to ever turn to Allah when things get hard.

So, your family life isn't great. And thats heart breaking.
And you'll be independent soon InshaaAllah,
You need to realize what the purpose of life is.
It might not be Islam as your parents presented it to you.
But you do have a responsibility to learn about what lifes purpose is.

I just saw this video and I think it could help you. Its certainly helping me.
(apparently I can't post links as a nonfull member so I cut out the www parts)

youtube.com/watch?v=ifllgTA2pmY

Whatever you're doing, or whatever condition you're in,
(We all get low imaan, and we all commit sins. Its natural)
realize the purpose of life.

Before you start worrying about the details of Islam, work on your five pillars.
I used to complain about stuff like why can't I freemix, or why can't i listen to music, or why can't i draw faces, or why do I need to keep a beard,why should I pray in the masjid, etc.
complain for the sake of complaining about minor details.
Now that I look back, I didnt even have my five pillars in order.

I wasn't praying salaat five times a day.
I wasn't reading quran.
I didn't know really about the Prophet Muhammad SAW and his beautiful manners and his struggle
I didn't know of the prophets
or I did and I was ignoring it.

Before you worry about anything,
Ponder the kalimah.
What it means to be muslim
No one is born muslim.
The sahabah didn't even come from monotheistic backgrounds. They had to choose to become muslim. Umar RA hated Islam and was ona mission to KILL the Prophet Muhammad SAW when he accepted the Truth, and became one of the greatest Muslims in history. Kalid bin Waleed was a general in battles against the muslims before he realized the truth of Islam and joined their ranks.
Anyone who is really muslim must choose to be muslim. They must choose to accept that Allah is The One, the all knowing, the all wise, the all powerful, and the most merciful. And that we should follow His commands from our own free will.

You need to start praying five times a day.
Whatever state your imaans in.
Whatever sins you're doing.
Doesn't matter.
Don't give up your salaat.
Beg Allah for guidance and understanding.
We are lost in life without that guidance. You're young. But I guarantee you that as we get older we see that more and more and more.

Read Quran and tafseer of Quran. Read what Allah has said.
Look up videos on the Quran's tafseer by Brother Nouman Ali Khan on youtube, hes done an amazing project in regards to tafseer.

Read about the Prophet SAW.
I highly recommend you read "Muhammad by Martin Lings" order it on Amazon if you need to.

Look at why people choose to be Muslim.
The Deen Show channel on youtube has a ton of great interviews in its backlog
this one struck me:
youtube.com/watch?v=XEUNqB5mo3w

Read some of the conversion stories here, and articles on Islam
islamreligion.com/


Basically, learn about Islam.
Because I promise you, no matter how happy you are for a moment, we are all empty without Islam.
You might think that your family's behaviour may be causing that void (and it might definitely have a big contribution to it)
And you might think that being with your bf will make everything better
Or that becoming independent will make everything better
But its a grass is greener on the other side sort of thing
The body needs food for nourishment and survival
And the soul needs to worship Allah for nourishment
As long as we keep our souls starved, it will constantly seek to fill that void with worshiping something or another
-love for a person who is ultimately imperfect
-chasing after money which is ultimately unfulfilling
-popularity
-prestige
-even education
-hedonism
basically 'if i just get this one thing, or one more thing, it will solve everything'
Nothing but Islam can give us a peace of mind even through the trials of life.
May Allah bless us with guidance and away from our ignorance.

You need this. I need this. We all need this. But we have to choose it.
So please learn about Islam.
Look into it with an open mind and an open heart.

Anyone who seeks guidance, will be given guidance.
And anyone who doesn't is free to make that choice.

I hope you are well and that you find all that you seek, sis.
Everything that you're going through right now breaks my heart.

Mashallah wow thank you so much for your advice. Only 3 posts and you are giving really encouraging advice I will do what is right Inshallah

[muslimah_B]

Asalaamualaikum sis.

I went through both your threads on the forum.
I understand that perhaps your parents didn't explain Islam in the best way to you, and that is not your fault.
And from stresses at home maybe you turned outward and found solace with affection from this man, your bf. Also understandable. We are human, and the heart works that way.
Through all of this I am glad that you still hold a thread to Islam, and have room in your heart to still turn to Allah, and have not allowed arrogance to take over your heart, in the sense that you still recognize between halal and haram.
I mean, yes, what youre doing does make you feel happy, but we know it is haram.
And you are in a tough situation, a difficult test in life, where you love something even though by Islam, we know it may not be good for you.

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (AI-Baqarah, 2:216)

Anyway in my lifes experiences, personally, I guess I had something of a similar situation. I loved something that made me feel happy although I knew it was haram. I thought the good in it outweighed the bad and thaat would never end. Ultimately in the end that thing turned sour and as such all good memories associated with it turned painful. The end result was: I t was haram, and it hurt more than whatever good it had had initially. Alhamdulillah, Allah's commandments have wisdom and love, because He create us and He knows us better than ourselves. Things that are haram, ultimately hurt, both in this life and the next, so listening to Allah protects us.

Now I don't know if that will be the same situation for you ultimately, but we all tell ourselves "but it won't happen to me." And it might not. Only Allah knows. I'm just saying be careful, it might end up like that. And don't be afraid to ever turn to Allah when things get hard.

So, your family life isn't great. And thats heart breaking.
And you'll be independent soon InshaaAllah,
You need to realize what the purpose of life is.
It might not be Islam as your parents presented it to you.
But you do have a responsibility to learn about what lifes purpose is.

I just saw this video and I think it could help you. Its certainly helping me.
(apparently I can't post links as a nonfull member so I cut out the www parts)

youtube.com/watch?v=ifllgTA2pmY

Whatever you're doing, or whatever condition you're in,
(We all get low imaan, and we all commit sins. Its natural)
realize the purpose of life.

Before you start worrying about the details of Islam, work on your five pillars.
I used to complain about stuff like why can't I freemix, or why can't i listen to music, or why can't i draw faces, or why do I need to keep a beard,why should I pray in the masjid, etc.
complain for the sake of complaining about minor details.
Now that I look back, I didnt even have my five pillars in order.

I wasn't praying salaat five times a day.
I wasn't reading quran.
I didn't know really about the Prophet Muhammad SAW and his beautiful manners and his struggle
I didn't know of the prophets
or I did and I was ignoring it.

Before you worry about anything,
Ponder the kalimah.
What it means to be muslim
No one is born muslim.
The sahabah didn't even come from monotheistic backgrounds. They had to choose to become muslim. Umar RA hated Islam and was ona mission to KILL the Prophet Muhammad SAW when he accepted the Truth, and became one of the greatest Muslims in history. Kalid bin Waleed was a general in battles against the muslims before he realized the truth of Islam and joined their ranks.
Anyone who is really muslim must choose to be muslim. They must choose to accept that Allah is The One, the all knowing, the all wise, the all powerful, and the most merciful. And that we should follow His commands from our own free will.

You need to start praying five times a day.
Whatever state your imaans in.
Whatever sins you're doing.
Doesn't matter.
Don't give up your salaat.
Beg Allah for guidance and understanding.
We are lost in life without that guidance. You're young. But I guarantee you that as we get older we see that more and more and more.

Read Quran and tafseer of Quran. Read what Allah has said.
Look up videos on the Quran's tafseer by Brother Nouman Ali Khan on youtube, hes done an amazing project in regards to tafseer.

Read about the Prophet SAW.
I highly recommend you read "Muhammad by Martin Lings" order it on Amazon if you need to.

Look at why people choose to be Muslim.
The Deen Show channel on youtube has a ton of great interviews in its backlog
this one struck me:
youtube.com/watch?v=XEUNqB5mo3w

Read some of the conversion stories here, and articles on Islam
islamreligion.com/


Basically, learn about Islam.
Because I promise you, no matter how happy you are for a moment, we are all empty without Islam.
You might think that your family's behaviour may be causing that void (and it might definitely have a big contribution to it)
And you might think that being with your bf will make everything better
Or that becoming independent will make everything better
But its a grass is greener on the other side sort of thing
The body needs food for nourishment and survival
And the soul needs to worship Allah for nourishment
As long as we keep our souls starved, it will constantly seek to fill that void with worshiping something or another
-love for a person who is ultimately imperfect
-chasing after money which is ultimately unfulfilling
-popularity
-prestige
-even education
-hedonism
basically 'if i just get this one thing, or one more thing, it will solve everything'
Nothing but Islam can give us a peace of mind even through the trials of life.
May Allah bless us with guidance and away from our ignorance.

You need this. I need this. We all need this. But we have to choose it.
So please learn about Islam.
Look into it with an open mind and an open heart.

Anyone who seeks guidance, will be given guidance.
And anyone who doesn't is free to make that choice.

I hope you are well and that you find all that you seek, sis.
Everything that you're going through right now breaks my heart.

Of the whole entire thread this is the best response subhanAllah!! nearly made me cry