format_quote Originally Posted by
ardianto
So, if admin decide to make section like this, admin must examine the member readyness to get married. Request him (or her) to show ID card, show the proof that he is already has a job, check the adress through phone to his home, etc.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sister herb
Call to his parents to make sure that they are aware what he is doing or is he just a playing kid...? I think this would to be full time job for admin. :phew Are we ready to pay to him a decent salary too?
Assalaamu alaikum,
(smile)
Yes, this is
exactly what I believe is needed. Right now, the so-called Islamic Marriage sites have
no such checks. People just "meet". And no one has any idea who the other really is, or whether anything they say is true (and this is particularly problematic when people are from different countries). Furthermore, how is it possible to get a good feel for a person's true personality, if there is no context to see him/her in?
And yes, I think this should be a paid job. Because to do a more thorough check would take time. Frankly, I would suggest not just seeing someone's ID over Skype (very easy to fake), but requesting and verifying notarized documents that would be accepted by immigration authorities for identity, health, finances, education. Having a non-emotionally involved person to do these things would
really help.
(smile) And yes, I have checked out 4 "Islamic Marriage" sites myself, including 2 that I saw recommended on IB (PureMatrimony and HalfOurDeen). And I have spoken with various people about their experiences, or the experiences of people they know. The reality is that people feel obliged to turn to the internet to find spouses, because they can't find them in any other way. And they can end up having some really bad experiences, and can get into some really bad situations. And even if they are able to avoid the worst scenarios and find a good spouse, they will have likely been exposed to non-halal things along the way.
Honestly, I wonder if it is not a
fard kifaya for the ummah to try to find ways to facilitate
safe, halal ways to find spouses via the internet (because the traditional routes do not work in some contexts). And right now, I know of no such way.
IB has certain advantages that marriage sites do not:1) if the members had to be long-term posters before offering themselves to the marriage section, then this would give a prospective spouse an opportunity to see how he/she behaves, what he/she believes in, with a variety of different people, in a variety of different situations. 2) There are a pool of people on the Board from different countries. These people understand local conditions better than any foreigner could, and could help advise those seeking marriage overseas. 3) Over time, people on IB tend to connect with others in their locality (smile. I've noticed this is especially true of people in the UK!). These connections could help verify other members who are seeking marriage. 4) IB is already quite well known, and pops up on search engines fairly easily. It already has a structure, a reputation and does not need much in the way of start-up and advertising costs.
Having a marriage section could also help IB, I believe. 1) It would increase the traffic, yes, but 2) it would likely also increase
serious posting, because that would be one of the requirements for the marriage section. 3) I suspect it would also
decrease foolish and troll-like posts. Because even if the person was not looking for a spouse in the present... who knows what might be in the future? And as posts are rather indelible, a future prospective spouse might check for a person's old posts... 4) Adding a marriage section would be consonant with the idea of building an online
community. 5) With the increased traffic, advertising revenues might be more interesting. Furthermore, if people were willing to pay for access to various services (fee to join the marriage section, identity and other verifications, Nikkah negotiations facilitator...)- and I believe they would be- IB could offer better, smoother service with paid people who could become proficient in their tasks. 6) Finally, providing this service could be a good for the ummah. (smile) And a form of worship.
(smile) Or so it seems to me.
May Allah Reward you all, my brothers and sisters in Islam, for taking the time to consider these ideas, whether you agree with them or not.