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farhan
05-15-2016, 07:16 PM


"Practising Islam beautifies one's character, if it's making you intolerable, impatient and grumpy then you're doing it wrong."



1. Start with "as-salam alaykum" and "bismillah".

This will cool your heart and purify your intention. You will give the person salam (peace), and you will also start in the Name of Allah [swt]; few people can curse someone out after they say bismillah!

2. Begin with praise before criticism.

If you are going to criticize someone, then start out with praise. For example, if you are going to criticize Dr. Zakir Naik for something he said which was wrong, then start with praise, acknowledging all his good work in the field of dawah. This is a part of softening the heart and purifying the intention as well (since you won't post any of this if you are just posting to bash him, instead of with the intention to give naseeha). So this will be like "We recognize and appreciate your tireless efforts in the field of dawah and inter-faith debate."

3. Use a title of respect to refer to the person, such as "brother", or "Ustadh" or "Shaykh", etc, if the latter are appropriate. Add words around this to beautify your speech, such as "esteemed Shaykh" or "my beloved brother", etc. Such titles are MORE IMPORTANT to use when criticizing someone. You can refer to someone as "Anwar" if you are just talking about him normally, but when you are giving criticism of him, then it becomes VERY IMPORTANT to say Imam Anwar. And it would be even better to say the word "HafidhuAllah" after his name...make sure to do all these things *every* time you mention his name!

4. Begin by asking for forgiveness for criticizing, such as "Forgive me for my audacity, dear Shaykh" and the like.

5. Try to reconcile views. This is where I have seen Ustadh Ayman seriously excel at. Two people could be arguing about something, and they are in fact saying stuff that is opposite to each other...but to soften and reconcile the hearts, the Ustadh will reconcile what the two are saying, so that both parties don't think that they were TOTALLY wrong. So it is something like this: "Brother Bassam you are correct in saying this-and-this, but in certain situations such as this-and-that, then brother Fareed is correct in saying that"....and things like "actually you are not saying two opposite things, rather..." etc

6. Close with du`a, but never say "may Allah guide you" or anything else which is understood as an insult. It is sad how oftentimes we use du`as as insults! If you really wanted Allah [swt] to guide a person, then say that quietly in your own room; no need to announce it to that person's face. Rather, that is done to make it clear to the person that he is misguided! So the intention is not to actually pray to Allah [swt] but to insult another person! So what is better is to include yourself in the du`a, saying "may Allah [swt] guide you and I to all that which is right." This will soften the hearts, and ensure that no ill intent was meant!

7. Avoid using nicknames and labels. This is very important, because this is what hurts peoples' feelings the most. So one should not call another person a "defeatist" or a "khariji" ...such labels should be avoided...even when a person is doing something that falls under that category, still avoid it! The Quran says:

"Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong." (Quran, 49:11)

And nicknames like "o degenerate" and "o wicked one" are not to be used, so what of these worse labels that we invent against each other?

8. Speak in general terms, and do not single out the person, but rather warn the person of those other people, keeping it general. So instead of saying "you are deaf, dumb, and blind", say "O brothers and sisters, remember that the Quran describes the kufaar as 'deaf, dumb, and blind...' so let us not be like that insha-Allah!" Always try to include yourself in whatever you say.

9. Do not post now, but post after 30 minutes. Chances are you will be cooled down after 30 minutes, and won't post the same way had you posted in the heat of the moment.

10. Use smiley faces all over the place. If you don't believe in smiley faces, then you can write out the word "smile" as Ustadh Ayman does. *smile* Smiling softens the hearts, and so it should be done in its e-form, insha-Allah.

11. End with praise of the person and ask for forgiveness. So this is the sandwich approach, whereby your criticism is packaged between praise.

Source
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farhan
05-15-2016, 07:34 PM
Some good points mentioned here too: http://www.islamicboard.com/feedback...ude-forum.html

Do you have any other tips on handling criticism? Share here :).
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Umm Abed
05-15-2016, 07:39 PM
:sl:

Excellent advice, especially the post later one, where you have cooled off..so very important to speak with a clear mind and not in a heated moment..
Reply

noraina
05-15-2016, 07:49 PM
Great post, you should sticky it inshaAllah. :)

Also being a little more open-minded, and accepting the fact there will be differences in opinions or even practise as a Muslim - even I'm guilty of coming to conclusions without understanding where that person was coming from, and that just because someone may come from a different cultural background or perspective, it doesn't mean they're wrong.

I think the 'my way or the highway' mentality can make us come down hard on others, without knowing the context.
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farhan
05-15-2016, 09:24 PM
Originally Posted by noraina
Great post, you should sticky it inshaAllah.
Good idea :jz:.

Done :).
Reply

a.danhamidu
07-28-2016, 06:36 PM
Originally Posted by farhan


"Practising Islam beautifies one's character, if it's making you intolerable, impatient and grumpy then you're doing it wrong."



1. Start with "as-salam alaykum" and "bismillah".

This will cool your heart and purify your intention. You will give the person salam (peace), and you will also start in the Name of Allah [swt]; few people can curse someone out after they say bismillah!

2. Begin with praise before criticism.

If you are going to criticize someone, then start out with praise. For example, if you are going to criticize Dr. Zakir Naik for something he said which was wrong, then start with praise, acknowledging all his good work in the field of dawah. This is a part of softening the heart and purifying the intention as well (since you won't post any of this if you are just posting to bash him, instead of with the intention to give naseeha). So this will be like "We recognize and appreciate your tireless efforts in the field of dawah and inter-faith debate."

3. Use a title of respect to refer to the person, such as "brother", or "Ustadh" or "Shaykh", etc, if the latter are appropriate. Add words around this to beautify your speech, such as "esteemed Shaykh" or "my beloved brother", etc. Such titles are MORE IMPORTANT to use when criticizing someone. You can refer to someone as "Anwar" if you are just talking about him normally, but when you are giving criticism of him, then it becomes VERY IMPORTANT to say Imam Anwar. And it would be even better to say the word "HafidhuAllah" after his name...make sure to do all these things *every* time you mention his name!

4. Begin by asking for forgiveness for criticizing, such as "Forgive me for my audacity, dear Shaykh" and the like.

5. Try to reconcile views. This is where I have seen Ustadh Ayman seriously excel at. Two people could be arguing about something, and they are in fact saying stuff that is opposite to each other...but to soften and reconcile the hearts, the Ustadh will reconcile what the two are saying, so that both parties don't think that they were TOTALLY wrong. So it is something like this: "Brother Bassam you are correct in saying this-and-this, but in certain situations such as this-and-that, then brother Fareed is correct in saying that"....and things like "actually you are not saying two opposite things, rather..." etc

6. Close with du`a, but never say "may Allah guide you" or anything else which is understood as an insult. It is sad how oftentimes we use du`as as insults! If you really wanted Allah [swt] to guide a person, then say that quietly in your own room; no need to announce it to that person's face. Rather, that is done to make it clear to the person that he is misguided! So the intention is not to actually pray to Allah [swt] but to insult another person! So what is better is to include yourself in the du`a, saying "may Allah [swt] guide you and I to all that which is right." This will soften the hearts, and ensure that no ill intent was meant!

7. Avoid using nicknames and labels. This is very important, because this is what hurts peoples' feelings the most. So one should not call another person a "defeatist" or a "khariji" ...such labels should be avoided...even when a person is doing something that falls under that category, still avoid it! The Quran says:

"Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong." (Quran, 49:11)

And nicknames like "o degenerate" and "o wicked one" are not to be used, so what of these worse labels that we invent against each other?

8. Speak in general terms, and do not single out the person, but rather warn the person of those other people, keeping it general. So instead of saying "you are deaf, dumb, and blind", say "O brothers and sisters, remember that the Quran describes the kufaar as 'deaf, dumb, and blind...' so let us not be like that insha-Allah!" Always try to include yourself in whatever you say.

9. Do not post now, but post after 30 minutes. Chances are you will be cooled down after 30 minutes, and won't post the same way had you posted in the heat of the moment.

10. Use smiley faces all over the place. If you don't believe in smiley faces, then you can write out the word "smile" as Ustadh Ayman does. *smile* Smiling softens the hearts, and so it should be done in its e-form, insha-Allah.

11. End with praise of the person and ask for forgiveness. So this is the sandwich approach, whereby your criticism is packaged between praise.

Source
Jazakallah khairan, I really commend rhis presentation and strongly recommend that it be made part of the rules/guidelines/terms-and-conditions that members here and especially newcomers agree to when joining the forum.

May Allah continue to shower all of us here with patience and wisdom to make this forum a wholesome, deen-propagating medium, amin.
Reply

jameelash
12-28-2017, 06:17 PM
I dont agree with critisize . Advicing is good if it done in a wellnannered way which will be accepted sportively
But critisizing is different which will only help to have a grudge against the opposite.
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ammargroup
02-12-2018, 07:45 AM
:sl:
جزاک اللہ خیر
Reply

Eric H
02-13-2018, 06:32 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Jewel;

Do you have any other tips on handling criticism?
I guess the person we are able to criticise the most, is ourselves. We have more of a truthful understanding about ourselves and our own motives. We will be judged more by how we deal with our own faults, rather than how we deal with the faults of others.

Blessings
Eric
Reply

a.danhamidu
05-31-2018, 09:05 PM
Originally Posted by jameelash
I dont agree with critisize . Advicing is good if it done in a wellnannered way which will be accepted sportively
But critisizing is different which will only help to have a grudge against the opposite.
For me, I would like to think of "advice/advising" as "diplomatic/constructive criticism/criticising"...this is what brings good results and solidarity.
Reply

jameelash
09-17-2018, 04:03 PM
Nobody will digest critisising including the starter of this subject.one can advise but not critisise.criticising not meant for a true muslim no one can accept critisising but advicing for the benefit of a person is good and reward from Allah
Reply

Futuwwa
09-18-2018, 09:49 AM
Originally Posted by Jewel
6. Close with du`a, but never say "may Allah guide you" or anything else which is understood as an insult. It is sad how oftentimes we use du`as as insults! If you really wanted Allah [swt] to guide a person, then say that quietly in your own room; no need to announce it to that person's face. Rather, that is done to make it clear to the person that he is misguided! So the intention is not to actually pray to Allah [swt] but to insult another person! So what is better is to include yourself in the du`a, saying "may Allah [swt] guide you and I to all that which is right." This will soften the hearts, and ensure that no ill intent was meant!
This is an extremely important point, and goes far beyond dua. No small number of times, statements that are pious encouragement on the face of it are used as a form of backhand insult and accusation. Such as encouraging another poster to read the Quran, in a context where it carries an implied assertion that the other poster isn't reading the Quran, or choosing not to follow the Quran.
Reply

Ümit
10-14-2018, 07:22 PM
Wow...great advise
Reply

emem.masorong
10-15-2018, 01:59 AM
Thank you so much. May Allah reward you and all of the believers. Alhamdulillah.
Reply

jameelash
10-26-2018, 01:00 PM
Cancelled
Reply

GeorgeFowell
01-28-2019, 07:37 AM
Really Great.
Reply

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