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lostsoul2016
05-22-2016, 12:52 PM
Salam brothers and sisters.
I am needing some advice or guidance about this and cannot really find a clear answer.

For instance, if one is finding a non Muslim attractive, who does not dress proactively or smokes/does drugs etc... and wishes for her to be in his life (and who is a Christian) then what is the ruling of this?
What if we both decide we do not want children (not because we dislike them or anything or maybe even old enough to not have them) but want to enjoy each other and our life together - is this permitted or not?

what if the woman does not want to convert but wants to be married to the Muslim man and knows truly what commitment is and what the meaning of marriage is in all its glory, is this permitted or not?

more of a match making type question but i see and read about many Muslim men who marry non-Muslims - where do they find such potentials? I must admit I am looking or beginning to look, I do have a type etc... and know what I want and i would like to find such potentials.

Thank you for clarifying these questions. I am just trying to understand more about these things.
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Misbah0411
05-22-2016, 03:19 PM
A Muslim man is permitted to marry a chaste woman of the People of the Book. It is permissible but not recommended. I have been down that road before as my first marriage was to a Christian. There is going to be many conflicts down the road since Islam is a complete way of life and you may find yourself compromising your Islam for the sake of peace in the marriage. That is not a good situation to be in. Guarding your iman comes before any type of appeal, character or physical trait from a disbelieving woman. My advice to you in this day and age is to be firm with your Islam and marry a wonderful Muslimah who shares the same qualities and goals that you do. Think about it, if you were to marry a disbeliever and they stayed that way the rest of their lives with you, they won't be with you in Paradise if Allah blesses you with Jennah. Can you live with that? Or will that open the door for the Shaytan to beat you with and pull you away from Islam. And Allah Knows Best.
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lostsoul2016
05-22-2016, 03:25 PM
Thank you brother.
of course, I would never compromise anything of an Islamic nature for the "sake" of marriage. They must respect otherwise why bother?
Yes, its difficult these days to find chaste women (even though some believe wholesomeness in a committed and devoted relationship before/without marriage which is different) and better to find a muslima woman.
I guess such things can occur where one is attracted to the opposite but must be respected of one's beliefs and not compromised or sacrificed. If both work well then why not.
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lostsoul2016
05-22-2016, 05:46 PM
When one says "disbeliever" - what do they mean? Do they mean in disbelief in Islam/religion or in their own religion?
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Serinity
05-22-2016, 05:51 PM
A disbeliever is one who disbelieves in Islam.

For the christians we are disbelievers in their falsehood - i.e. the trinity etc.

Anyways, when we say disbelievers we mean the christians, jews, atheists, etc.
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lostsoul2016
05-22-2016, 06:07 PM
This is interesting.
So why is it permitted that a Muslim man can marry a woman "of the book"? (may not be encouraged but nonetheless still permitted)
They may not be Muslim but they are aware and know about Islam, but may not be Muslim themselves
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Misbah0411
05-23-2016, 12:10 AM
A Muslim man is permitted to marry a Jew or Christian woman because he is suppose to be head of the household and have control over that household though in this day and age, unfortunately, some Muslim men are too weak in iman to allow themselves to be in that situation without it causing them to abandon some of their obligations to appease their disbelieving wife. Also Allah forbids a Muslimah to marry a disbeliever because of those same roles and the disbeliever would have dominance and influence over her. And whatever puts Islam and Muslims in that kind of postilion is unlawful in and of itself. And Allah Knows Best.
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 12:29 AM
Thank you for your response :)

What if the man is strict in the sense of no compromise of his beliefs? What if the woman respects that but still does not convert to Islam but respects the faith?
I agree about being the head of the household but in this modern day and age, both men and women have jobs and come together to create a "home" life together.

thank you.
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Bhabha
05-23-2016, 12:37 AM
Does she believe in the trinity? Does she celebrate "christian" holidays? (which are actually mixed with pagan rituals and holidays)
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Misbah0411
05-23-2016, 12:48 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Thank you for your response :)

What if the man is strict in the sense of no compromise of his beliefs? What if the woman respects that but still does not convert to Islam but respects the faith?
I agree about being the head of the household but in this modern day and age, both men and women have jobs and come together to create a "home" life together.

thank you.
Brother, I am telling you from experience that it is difficult to pull off a harmonious marriage in this day and age with a disbelieving wife. Sure it looks good on paper but the practical reality is going to be different. Have you found someone that you are interested in or is it something particular about them that appeals to you? Look we all have various reasons what attracts someone to us. Perhaps you like blonde hair blue eyed women and having a hard time finding that in a Muslimah. But what I am emphasizing is that it will be easier for the both of you to have the religion in common especially if you are good Muslim that holds fast to the Quran and Sunnah.
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 10:09 AM
Thank you. yes, I totally understand. I guess it's a personal preference on what type I am attracted to (as everyone does) but I wouldn't sacrifice or compromise in my faith at all.
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 10:11 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
its difficult these days to find chaste women
Sorry, don't generalise!

And if you loved Allaah and His Rasool :saws: you would never be "attracted" to a non Muslim.
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*charisma*
05-23-2016, 10:16 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Thank you. yes, I totally understand. I guess it's a personal preference on what type I am attracted to (as everyone does) but I wouldn't sacrifice or compromise in my faith at all.
So if you don't sacrifice in your faith, and she doesn't want to sacrifice in hers...what will you do?

Just like bro Misbah0411 advised, it's better you forget about this girl that you're obsessed and fixated on marrying. To be honest, if its meant to happen, it will happen quite easily and without all the worrying and heartbreak that you're experiencing. There's a reason that this person is being removed from your life, so it's time you accept it and work on improving your deen so that when find a good woman you're not just following your heart and desires inshallah.

There are many nonMuslim women who marry Muslim men and then get divorced because there's so much differences in the little things that you're not thinking about right now. Even when they become Muslims for them, there are still issues because they want to pick and choose what to follow, or they become great Muslimahs find that their husbands are not up to their standards in deen..so if you want to sacrifice this little heartbreak of yours for possibly a much bigger heartbreak down the road and even more hardship, then that's up to you.

I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone, but seeing as how desperate you are for "love" this may not end well for you...
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*charisma*
05-23-2016, 10:19 AM
Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~

Sorry, don't generalise!

And if you loved Allaah and His Rasool :saws: you would never be "attracted" to a non Muslim.
I think he was referring to it being difficult to find a chaste nonmuslim woman.
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 10:27 AM
yes charisma that is correct.

charisma - I also understand your detailed response. Sometimes the heart and mind wants what it wants but again would never sacrifice my faith. It has been said that if you marry a non muslim then you obviously need to work it all out beforehand otherwise let it go and move on. If the 2 people are wanting to be with each other then one must respect the other's faith but not to forcefully convert them to Islam but pray and hope they will in their time.
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 10:30 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
If the 2 people are wanting to be with each other then one must respect the other's faith
Sorry, but I think that if you can find someone attractive if they are not Muslims, then your Imaan is seriously needs a check.:skeleton: I wouldn't glance twice at a non-Muslim +o(
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 10:36 AM
I understand but it seems difficult for me to explain or people to understand. That's like saying if you like sweets then you shouldn't eat or even attempt...
Bottom line is that humans (including Muslims!) are attracted to their own type. This is nature. This is how the human is by the core. But faith also is a first and foremost. There also is nothing in the Quran that says it is forbidden to marry a woman of the book (as long as they are chaste). However if they are not chaste then they must repent sincerely and respect the rules of Islam (i.e no sex before marriage).
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Misbah0411
05-23-2016, 10:39 AM
Here are some examples of potential conflicts that could arise:

She wants to go to a 7 p.m. movie but you tell her that would interfere with the Maghreb pray. What do you do?

She wants to hang pictures and porcelain graven images all over the house as decorations. You tell her that Islam forbids that. How does it get resolved?

She wants to eat some lunch and does it in front of you when you are fasting Ramadan.

She wants to purchase a home or car with a loan with interest but you tell her you can't because Islam forbids interest.

She wants to blast music while you both are cleaning the house. You tell her that music is haram.

She wants to drink a cocktail or eat bacon for breakfast. You tell her we can't have that in the house.

She wants to decorate the house and put up a Christmas tree or hang crosses on the walls. What are going to do?

These are just some of the examples that you will be dealing with. Are you going to be firm or compromise?
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*charisma*
05-23-2016, 10:42 AM
If the woman believes in one God, is chaste, and is willing to learn and accept Islam down the road, then I don't think there's a problem in marrying her Islamically, if that's what you're asking. In regards to choosing to not have children, unless there's a valid reason like your wife is very sick, my understanding is it's impermissible. https://islamqa.info/en/127170

However, I don't think you should try to search specifically for nonMuslim women because then you're putting yourself in the hands of fitnah since they may not have boundaries in the way they communicate with you.
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*charisma*
05-23-2016, 10:45 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
I understand but it seems difficult for me to explain or people to understand. That's like saying if you like sweets then you shouldn't eat or even attempt...
Bottom line is that humans (including Muslims!) are attracted to their own type. This is nature. This is how the human is by the core. But faith also is a first and foremost. There also is nothing in the Quran that says it is forbidden to marry a woman of the book (as long as they are chaste). However if they are not chaste then they must repent sincerely and respect the rules of Islam (i.e no sex before marriage).
How is religion a type?? That doesn't even make sense...I'd understand if you were attracted to people with particular physical features, or personality features..but to someone from a different religion? that makes no sense. That's like me saying "I'm a muslimah but I'm only attracted to Hindu men" astughfirallah lol
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 10:50 AM
Thank you! Once again, EXCELLENT responses :) I really appreciate it.

of course, I would not compromise. I would stand firm and would never ever be with someone who eats haram food or alcohol or put up xmas trees etc... but if they are willing to make the change for the better then that is a step closer.
its a good question about things like what if she wanted to go to a 7pm movie - well of course, you would compromise here in the sense of either grab a later movie or an earlier movie. But if she cannot understand this then of course she is not respectful and therefore that will lead one issue to another and thus not good.

the point I am making is - as long as she is respectful, willing to change and not just for the sake of the potential husband then surely it is the step in the right direction?
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 10:50 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Bottom line is that humans (including Muslims!) are attracted to their own type.
Your "Type" is a Muslim. Seriously, grow up.
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 10:51 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
the point I am making is - as long as she is respectful, willing to change and not just for the sake of the potential husband then surely it is the step in the right direction?
If you think that marrying someone who does not believe in Allaah :swt: and his Rasool :saws: is a good step, your Imaan is in need of urgent check.
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 10:53 AM
That's not what I said. Please re-read carefully of fact and not what you are thinking I am saying or heading towards which is incorrect.
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 11:03 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
the point I am making is - as long as she is respectful, willing to change and not just for the sake of the potential husband then surely it is the step in the right direction?
This is what you said - fact remains she is non Muslim, Khalaas.
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Serinity
05-23-2016, 11:07 AM
:salamext:

Tbh, there are plenty of Muslim women that are more beautiful and caring than a kafir. Not saying kafirs can't be caring or beautiful (physically) but their hearts carry disbelief, which is darkness. An ugliness called disbelief.

I honestly wouldn't have a kafir as my wife, even if I am attracted to her, physically or because of her characteristics.

Allahu alam.
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*charisma*
05-23-2016, 11:48 AM
@lostsoul2016

May Allah guide you. If the woman in question is chaste (never had sex before) and is willing to look into Islam and believes in one God, then perform salaatul istikhaara so Allah will guide you towards what is best for your deen. If she's meant to be your wife and is better for your iman then allah will ease your affairs, and if she isn't then inshallah it will be clear to you that she isnt.
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 12:03 PM
Thank you.

What if the woman has had sex before? So yes, she would be non-chaste. In this type of case, what can be done (if anything) to make it permitted?
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~ Sabr ~
05-23-2016, 12:07 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Thank you.

What if the woman has had sex before? So yes, she would be non-chaste. In this type of case, what can be done (if anything) to make it permitted?
What is wrong with you?! :muddlehea
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lostsoul2016
05-23-2016, 12:11 PM
I am genuine and asking questions - I am not causing "trouble" or being judgemental like you are.
Please respect forum members who ask questions and are wanting to learn! Otherwise stay out from the topic please.
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ardianto
05-23-2016, 12:24 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Thank you.

What if the woman has had sex before? So yes, she would be non-chaste. In this type of case, what can be done (if anything) to make it permitted?
What important is how her now, not how her in the past. If a woman has ever committed sex outside marriage in the past, but then she stop it and has good behavior, she is considered as good woman now.
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Serinity
05-23-2016, 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
What important is how her now, not how her in the past. If a woman has ever committed sex outside marriage in the past, but then she stop it and has good behavior, she is considered as good woman now.
Depends on whether she repented or not.
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anatolian
05-23-2016, 04:28 PM
Being chaste cannot be associated with not having sex out of marriage. You may not this but do things which are worse than it and you may have done it but may have repented from it. Sex out of marriage is considered a sin in Judaism and Christianity also. So a Jewish or Christian woman who committed it still needs to repent from it just like a Muslim woman who committed it.
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