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EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 03:21 PM
As-salaam alaikum,

I just ended a haram relationship but he won't leave me alone. He is texting and calling me all the time and it's becoming more and more difficult to try to move on because it's a constant reminder. I can feel myself being pulled back to him and he knows it... At first I didn't answer the calls or texts and then I gave in and answered and spoke to him for a bit. He was tearing up on the phone and I feel so emotionally weak that I'll end up going back to him.

Then today I go to the masjid and he is waiting outside for me in his car! I'm with my sister and he just beeps his horn and calls me over... My sister went bat crap crazy and accused me of seeing him again but I assured her I didn't arrange this... My sister went over instead and told him she will break his legs if he keeps on bothering me, obviously I think she is just joking but I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I just want him to not contact me for a few months so I can get myself together but I think he won't give up...

He knows I love him dearly and I can feel myself giving in and going back to him and I really don't want that to happen. I don't want to change my number because it's a hassle and I blocked his number but he just calls from a friends phone. social media isn't helping either cos I see his photos and he "likes" my photos and stuff. I'm really trying to move on and with Ramadan coming up I want to focus on this special month but I know I can feel myself tilting and even though I know that it's wrong I will end up giving into him and that would be the worst thing to happen. What should I do? :hmm:
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*charisma*
05-25-2016, 03:32 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Ever since you've been on this forum you've made so many improvements and I can see the change in you, but you know you still have a long way to go. To be honest your ex should understand how important this is to you, and if he really wants to be a part of your life he should take time away from you as well and maybe learn about Islam. You need your space right now, and he shouldn't be emotionally blackmailing you. If he becomes a Muslim on his own and asks for your hand properly I'm sure at the very least you and your family will have more respect for him even if in the end you don't end up together. Try to think with your head and not with your heart on this matter. if you go back to him it will upset your family and you will not feel so good either. Our life is so short, Inshallah with this sacrifice Allah will give you something a million times better and fill your heart with a love incomparable to any other. Be cold if you have to, but he needs to realize there's something more important in your life and that's Allah. May Allah rectify your affairs ameen.
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Muslim Woman
05-25-2016, 03:35 PM
:wa:


change your phone number , close your fb account . May Allah help u to stay away from haram relationships.


Is he a Muslim ? Then what about marrying him ? If he is not , then remember the severe punishment of disobeying Allah and stay away from him .
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Arfa
05-25-2016, 04:04 PM
Sis I know this may not sound sugar coated but instead of creating your relationship based on hormones calling just focus on the fact if this relationship has long term potential of marriage provided your bf is Muslim.If not follow straight path of Sunnah and surround yourself with decent company!
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Umm Malik
05-25-2016, 04:17 PM
As salamo alaykum sister
The first thing I will tell you is to just asking Allah because he know that you want to go a steps to him even it's hard for you
But Allah is worthy to do more for the sake of him
Ramadan will came and this is the chance to be close to Allah
Can I ask you sister ... do you think he will marry you ??
If yes ... let him for the sake of Allah and if he love you as he say , Allah will make him love you better
And if he don't want to marry you and just trying to break your heart and feeling Allah will protect you from him
And if your answer is no about the mariage ... My advice is also to stop and forget him .. because he may be a siner and can't stop and take this as bed habit
so don't be a part of his sins
sister don't let him on your Facebook .. or if you can't block it especially if you know this parson from Facebook
let him for the sake of Allah and don't break your heart and lose your Iman for anyone
just Allah who worthy to love in this way
I am sorry for my strange language .. but because you trust in us and ask us .. I told you what I do and what I think is the best
and one day you will be happy when you think of this test and you will be a winer coz you chose Allah
if you know Arabic tell me to speak to you in Arabic it's better ;) be strange sister it's a bottle and a test be the winner .. life is short and Allah's side is better for you than any one and his love will make your life amazing I will return soon <3 wait me
your sister Maryam from Algeria
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EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 04:25 PM
It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.
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EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 04:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by maryam muslimah
As salamo alaykum sister
The first thing I will tell you is to just asking Allah because he know that you want to go a steps to him even it's hard for you
But Allah is worthy to do more for the sake of him
Ramadan will came and this is the chance to be close to Allah
Can I ask you sister ... do you think he will marry you ??
If yes ... let him for the sake of Allah and if he love you as he say , Allah will make him love you better
And if he don't want to marry you and just trying to break your heart and feeling Allah will protect you from him
And if your answer is no about the mariage ... My advice is also to stop and forget him .. because he may be a siner and can't stop and take this as bed habit
so don't be a part of his sins
sister don't let him on your Facebook .. or if you can't block it especially if you know this parson from Facebook
let him for the sake of Allah and don't break your heart and lose your Iman for anyone
just Allah who worthy to love in this way
I am sorry for my strange language .. but because you trust in us and ask us .. I told you what I do and what I think is the best
and one day you will be happy when you think of this test and you will be a winer coz you chose Allah
if you know Arabic tell me to speak to you in Arabic it's better ;) be strange sister it's a bottle and a test be the winner .. life is short and Allah's side is better for you than any one and his love will make your life amazing I will return soon <3 wait me
your sister Maryam from Algeria
Thank you sister Maryam :) I think he would marry me in a heartbeat if it meant we could be together but he is not Muslim... My parents also do not like him, well my mother is open to him becoming Muslim but my father dislikes him very much for some reason even though he is a very nice person.
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*charisma*
05-25-2016, 04:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.
Yes it is easier said than done, but this is your test isn't it? If he knows where the masjid is, then he can go inside and inquire about Islam. Don't make excuses for him. You're not his only source of information. He's a smart guy, he can figure it out. It's not worth the pain to go back to a man who doesn't believe in Allah. If you remain steadfast, these feelings will go away. If you keep going back and forth about it, then shaytan will have hope in you and will continue to entice you. Haram love is not worth it. Its not worth it to be with someone who's not on the same journey as you. Allah left a little bit of iman in your heart to make you feel bad about being with him when you were with him. He gave you the rope now you have to hold tight on to it and reach your goal inshallah. Before, you blamed your parents for not teaching you Islam correctly and perhaps Allah will forgive you for your wrongdoings inshallah because of your ignorance, but you now know what's wrong and whats right so this time you don't have an excuse if you go back to him. Make your repentance genuine and put your faith in Allah that he will heal your heart and make it easy for you.
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Serinity
05-25-2016, 04:41 PM
:salam:

I can relate to some degree. Although mine, I assume, isn't as severe as yours as I, by the help of Allah SWT, avoided such a degree of hurt.

I assume from experience that if he takes another gf, that feeling will turn into envy and regret, and more hurt - don't act upon it!

try to prevent ANY contact with him, be busy, if he rings don't take it, start doing something else. Read Qur'an, or make dua, anything halal that'd divert your mind from him.

May Allah SWT help you. Ameen.
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Cpt.America
05-25-2016, 04:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.
I know this line of thinking and I've been drawn to make this mistake before.
Sister no matter what you have to remember that Allah is the turner of hearts, and that we have no control on outcomes.
In Islam the ends DO NOT justify the means, because the ends are decided by Allah. We are only responsible for the means.
So if I want to do something haram convincing myself it has a good reason or to prevent a bigger haram... that is Shaytaan trying to seduce us with good intentions.
It is hard.
But the halal route is ultimately the only route to follow. Everything else ends up in pain. A little pain in the dunya, and a lot of pain in the akhirat, but ultimately pain.
Right now the fact that you are sticking by your guns shows that you are serious.
InshaaAllah serious enough to get him to think of looking into Islam for real
(One of the Prophet Muhammad SAWS daughters' husband did not convert to Islam at first and they had to separate, until later on he eventually became Muslim. You have to stay strong.)
By sticking by Islam, that is your dawah. And InshaaAllah it will have barakah.

Maybe he will accept Islam, and then you can marry him, and you will know then that this is a union blessed by Allah.
And maybe he won't accept, and you will know then that despite the immense pain now, Allah is protecting you from what is guaranteed to have resulted in even more severe pain (and I'm not even talking about the akhirat, just in this life alone.)

whatever you you do keep faith in Allah.

I would write more but I am a bit busy at the moment.
so for now I can only give you this:

http://muslimmatters.org/2014/05/13/...with-your-life

there was a time when this article helped me immensely
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Cpt.America
05-25-2016, 04:45 PM
Also, you need to quit social media contacts with him for now. Or just quit social media altogether if you must, to escape that pain of connection. We all cyber stalk.
You cannot heal until you go cold turkey radio silence,
and he may not seriously consider Islam until he realizes that is the only path and that this is not just a fad for you.
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Serinity
05-25-2016, 04:46 PM
As Cpt.America nicely put it, stay away from him, as this will and may be your dawah. Perhaps Allah SWT will guide him, thereby.
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Regrets1
05-25-2016, 04:52 PM
As salaamu Alaikum sis hope your in good health.


I can somehow relate to your situation only difference is I was going crazy coz of the doubts I was having. You two still have trust so I'm sure if you speak to him for the last time and explain everything he will understand and leave you alone as you want.
Love is not always about being together with that person but care and respect even when you aren't together. He should understand your deen is your everything and your happiness is getting closer to Allah and staying away from haram.

Iv read some of your posts and can see you really want this change Alhamdulillah and become a better Muslim. It's beautiful how Allah swt guides his slaves you should consider yourself lucky that you took that one step towards Allah and look where you are now, wanting to become better and better MashAllah.

We humans are emotional and weak, your attached to him so yes you'd want to go back to him as you don't want to see him hurt, its all really emotional sometimes youl end up thinking I'm selfish for hurting someone but don't let that thought get to you, always think just to make someone happy and gain little bit happiness for myself in this dunya I can't start walking towards hell.

Think about your parents and everything they went through because of you even though your intentions weren't to hurt them but be happy yourself, don't make them go through all that again, don't let them suffer because of your actions, they love you and care for you that's why they have accepted you after everything..make them proud now:)

All must be hard and hurt u a lot but don't go back to the haram relationship no matter what happens, and I know you won't that's why your here asking for advice. Whenever you start thinking of him start praying, recite Quran or start watching videos about hell that surely will help.

Think of how messed everything was b4, how hard it was and it is for you to leave him but you managed to do it..it hurts but you still don't wanna go back to him because you know it's wrong deep down you know leaving him is the best decision Youv made. If he's the one for you then you never know he might accept Islam and meet you again in future and you both get married:) but for now try forgetting about him and focus on deen. May Allah swt make it easy for u, may He increase your imaan and love for Islam. Ameen.
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EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 04:57 PM
Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.
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Cpt.America
05-25-2016, 05:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.

If I were in your position, and I went to the person whom I had loved or still have love for, I would feel too weak... to not lose myself there, or to not lose sleep over everything for days and weeks and months afterward.
Going through a third party, is what I would do.
Either write an email from a burner account, or send a letter from a trusted mutual friend explaining everything.

The thing is, once we open one gate, Shaytaan tries to utilize it to open more.
This example shows an extreme but it is a good reminder to me:
https://tasfiyatarbiya.wordpress.com...ry-of-barseesa

This video was good also:
https://www.google.com/search?q=boyf...ouman+ali+khan

and this article may also come off as a bit harsh, but the main points are good
http://www.islamnewsroom.com/news-we...t-i-love-him-q

Overcoming the heart... is honestly one of the most painful tests in life. And if we've sinned and failed once, then InshaaAllah maybe by the difficulty of the test of overcoming it after our sins will be expiated quickly during this life time, and our status in Jannah will be elevated.

I am sorry if my words do not quite convey how deeply I feel the struggle and pain you are going through, but truly "I know that feel"
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Umm Malik
05-25-2016, 05:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Thank you sister Maryam :) I think he would marry me in a heartbeat if it meant we could be together but he is not Muslim... My parents also do not like him, well my mother is open to him becoming Muslim but my father dislikes him very much for some reason even though he is a very nice person.
Then be close to Allah and ask him to guide him
Ask Allah in the third part At night and every thing is easy for Allah to do
I understand and I feel you .. but you know Allah's wisdom will Surprise you in the future .. he may be your husband in the future as a reward for you patient .. just keep asking Allah and be close to him may Allah give you patient and give you Strang
Everyone gave test in this life .. so be strange sister
May Allah guide him and gather you here and in paradise if it good for you
Ameeen
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noraina
05-25-2016, 05:32 PM
Sis, you have done so well ever since coming here ma'sha'Allah, it takes a lot of strength to do what you have done so don't let him weaken your resolve now.

I know that you still have feelings for him, and when you are so attached to someone they can be your biggest weakness - which you shouldn't allow to happen. And don't feel like you have the responsibility of converting him to Islam, Allah swt is the Turner of hearts, and the decision to whether this guy accepts Islam is completely up to him - you could spend your whole life giving dawah to him but if he refuses to listen then he just won't. Definitely don't go up to him yourself, that may make things complicated especially if your family see, try to ask a mutual friend or someone you trust to give your point across to him.

In all honesty, I think you should break all ties with him. Being in a relationship like this isn't worth the pain it will give you in both this life and in the next, nor is it worth you compromising your deen for.

If he will convert to Islam, it will be independent of any involvement from you. Keep in mind that much more than your love for him is your love for your parents, and more than that your love for Allah swt - this is why you have gone back to your parents in the first place. No person will love you or provide for you like Allah swt will.

I understand this is so much more easier said than done, but if you end this now, rather than leaving it lingering in limbo like this, you will come out a stronger person with more conviction than before. Whilst it may hurt, you'll look back now and be so grateful you made the right decision - because when you make a choice out of love for Allah swt, it can never be wrong.

May Allah swt make it easy for you and give you strength. Ameen.
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azc
05-25-2016, 05:36 PM
Ask him to send his parents to meet your parents for marriage. It apears that he has taken you for granted as a toy to play with and your allowing her to play. If you think he also loves you then marriage is the ultimate step.

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
As-salaam alaikum,

I just ended a haram relationship but he won't leave me alone. He is texting and calling me all the time and it's becoming more and more difficult to try to move on because it's a constant reminder. I can feel myself being pulled back to him and he knows it... At first I didn't answer the calls or texts and then I gave in and answered and spoke to him for a bit. He was tearing up on the phone and I feel so emotionally weak that I'll end up going back to him.

Then today I go to the masjid and he is waiting outside for me in his car! I'm with my sister and he just beeps his horn and calls me over... My sister went bat crap crazy and accused me of seeing him again but I assured her I didn't arrange this... My sister went over instead and told him she will break his legs if he keeps on bothering me, obviously I think she is just joking but I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I just want him to not contact me for a few months so I can get myself together but I think he won't give up...

He knows I love him dearly and I can feel myself giving in and going back to him and I really don't want that to happen. I don't want to change my number because it's a hassle and I blocked his number but he just calls from a friends phone. social media isn't helping either cos I see his photos and he "likes" my photos and stuff. I'm really trying to move on and with Ramadan coming up I want to focus on this special month but I know I can feel myself tilting and even though I know that it's wrong I will end up giving into him and that would be the worst thing to happen. What should I do? :hmm:
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Regrets1
05-25-2016, 05:45 PM
He's not a Muslim so they can't get married @azc
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muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 05:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.
Sorry to but in

But sis that is honestly the worst idea you can think of and do.
1. You still love him and have feelings for him, and by seeing him it will be harder for you to stay away, he will beg and plead with you to stay with him and this WILL pull on your heart strings this WILL pull you back to where you done so good MashAllah to get out of and move foward.

2. You admitted all this is working and having an effect on you.

Men sometimes dont know how to let go and move on, and find it hard to accept that, the best way is too ignore him, if he rings on another number and you pick up then lock off the call immediately dont even wait to hear what he has to say or if you want to you can just play Quran down the phone untill he locks off himself
If he texts delete it before you process the text or even read it

Honestly you have to be harsh to yourself and him, paying him any attention or time will hurt you and draw you back to him feeling sorry for him..

Dont feel bad or sorry, your jannah means more than anything, it means more than him, keep reminding yourself that its either him or Allah and you know which choice you should pick sis.

I know its hard believe me iv been there so many times, but sometimes you have to be selfish and choose yourself, choose your emaan your deen your Allah over that person causing destruction to your soul which would eventually happen.

If he becomes muslim alhamdulilah then you can if you want marry him, but untill that time, pretend he is dead to you, this is the only way to move foward, delete any social media where he can pop out of nowehere.
Start fresh let him remind you of how you do not want to be, of who you do not want to be with.

It gets better with time sis, you just have to ride this out and be strong and not give into the temptation that is him.

Look if you have to, pretend he is shaytan (sorry) but if that helps you stay away then do it
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Regrets1
05-25-2016, 06:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Sorry to but in

But sis that is honestly the worst idea you can think of and do.
1. You still love him and have feelings for him, and by seeing him it will be harder for you to stay away, he will beg and plead with you to stay with him and this WILL pull on your heart strings this WILL pull you back to where you done so good MashAllah to get out of and move foward.

2. You admitted all this is working and having an effect on you.

Men sometimes dont know how to let go and move on, and find it hard to accept that, the best way is too ignore him, if he rings on another number and you pick up then lock off the call immediately dont even wait to hear what he has to say or if you want to you can just play Quran down the phone untill he locks off himself
If he texts delete it before you process the text or even read it

Honestly you have to be harsh to yourself and him, paying him any attention or time will hurt you and draw you back to him feeling sorry for him..

Dont feel bad or sorry, your jannah means more than anything, it means more than him, keep reminding yourself that its either him or Allah and you know which choice you should pick sis.

I know its hard believe me iv been there so many times, but sometimes you have to be selfish and choose yourself, choose your emaan your deen your Allah over that person causing destruction to your soul which would eventually happen.

If he becomes muslim alhamdulilah then you can if you want marry him, but untill that time, pretend he is dead to you, this is the only way to move foward, delete any social media where he can pop out of nowehere.
Start fresh let him remind you of how you do not want to be, of who you do not want to be with.

It gets better with time sis, you just have to ride this out and be strong and not give into the temptation that is him.

Look if you have to, pretend he is shaytan (sorry) but if that helps you stay away then do it
Great advice sis...Agree with the last point 100% been there done that and it really works (when I look back all I see is Devils face seriously and it's a good thing, really helps) hope it helps sis EgyptPrincess.
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EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 06:10 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Sorry to but in

But sis that is honestly the worst idea you can think of and do.
1. You still love him and have feelings for him, and by seeing him it will be harder for you to stay away, he will beg and plead with you to stay with him and this WILL pull on your heart strings this WILL pull you back to where you done so good MashAllah to get out of and move foward.

2. You admitted all this is working and having an effect on you.

Men sometimes dont know how to let go and move on, and find it hard to accept that, the best way is too ignore him, if he rings on another number and you pick up then lock off the call immediately dont even wait to hear what he has to say or if you want to you can just play Quran down the phone untill he locks off himself
If he texts delete it before you process the text or even read it

Honestly you have to be harsh to yourself and him, paying him any attention or time will hurt you and draw you back to him feeling sorry for him..

Dont feel bad or sorry, your jannah means more than anything, it means more than him, keep reminding yourself that its either him or Allah and you know which choice you should pick sis.

I know its hard believe me iv been there so many times, but sometimes you have to be selfish and choose yourself, choose your emaan your deen your Allah over that person causing destruction to your soul which would eventually happen.

If he becomes muslim alhamdulilah then you can if you want marry him, but untill that time, pretend he is dead to you, this is the only way to move foward, delete any social media where he can pop out of nowehere.
Start fresh let him remind you of how you do not want to be, of who you do not want to be with.

It gets better with time sis, you just have to ride this out and be strong and not give into the temptation that is him.

Look if you have to, pretend he is shaytan (sorry) but if that helps you stay away then do it
Thank you for the encouragement sis with my family by my side I can stay strong and not fall for his tears. You're right I do feel guilty and responsible for his heartbreak... that is something which is hard to let go. when he rings and begs to see me just for 5 minutes to talk it's so difficult for me to deny him this... Allah is with me and things will become easier for both of us as time goes on I'm sure.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice.

We live fairly close to each other so what am I going to do if I see him in town or he approaches me. Not answering the phone etc is one thing but bumping into him in the street or if he waits for me... that is something I cannot avoid. I'm really worried for his safety because my sister knows some people and I am worried she might beat him up or something. Probably just paranoid but I don't want harm to come to him of course... :facepalm:
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piXie
05-25-2016, 06:16 PM
:salamext:

The dua of Yusuf (A.S) when he was being hasselled by the women of Egypt;

He said, “My Lord, the prison is preferable to me than what they call on me to do. Unless You turn their guile away from me, it may well be that I will fall for them and so become a man of ignorance.” His Lord replied to him and turned away from him their guile and deviousness. He is the One Who Hears, the One Who Knows. [12:33-34]

Only Allah can protect you. Make sincere and heartfelt dua to Him.
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Regrets1
05-25-2016, 06:39 PM
You should ignore him that's all you can do. If you know the time he'l be out you should stay at home, go out when he's at work or u know he's busy elsewhere, for sometime go out with a family member..after sometime you can go back to your normal routine go out whenever you like.
Don't overthink about this just speak to your sis and tell her he's out of your life for good, tell her to assure u she won't harm him..say Iv got Islam, Iv got Allah swt so I can and I will manage without him but it's more difficult for him so please don't do anything to him he'l be over everything soon..do speak to her or youl keep thinking about this one thing and it might even take u back to him..id say this is a trick of shaitan he's just making you think of that person one way or another, don't give in. May Allah swt make it easy for u.
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 06:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Thank you for the encouragement sis with my family by my side I can stay strong and not fall for his tears. You're right I do feel guilty and responsible for his heartbreak... that is something which is hard to let go. when he rings and begs to see me just for 5 minutes to talk it's so difficult for me to deny him this... Allah is with me and things will become easier for both of us as time goes on I'm sure.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice.

We live fairly close to each other so what am I going to do if I see him in town or he approaches me. Not answering the phone etc is one thing but bumping into him in the street or if he waits for me... that is something I cannot avoid. I'm really worried for his safety because my sister knows some people and I am worried she might beat him up or something. Probably just paranoid but I don't want harm to come to him of course... :facepalm:
Sis, if the phone rings and you realise its his voice, immediately lock off the phone, dont give him a chance to talk to you at all
Then you need to tell your sister to fear Allah, hes calling and texting, hes not trying to kidnap you or touching you or grabbing you away, her behaviour is not acceptable as a woman who fears Allah, your dad or older brother should be dealing with it not her if it gets to that point
If shes with you and she sees him she should just drag you along, and get on with your business like he doesnt exist

so who is going to get (rhetorical) and why would she even talk to people like that if theyre ok with beating people up for no valid reason..that is left behind with jahiliya (meant to)... if its her husband (if shes married) why would she want to be the cause of him possibly getting in trouble with police if caught, it will be on her and her fault.
So you need to let them know you have it handled.
He oviously is in alot of pain and has not yet accepted it, BUT you need to do the right thing and keep away and lock off everything.

If you see him when you go out, ignore him, go on about your business, look past him and pretend he doesnt exist, eventually he will get the point and leave it alone.... ONLY if stick to it and are consistent and do not give in even a inch, the moment you give in, you give him hope and more determination to try and "win you back" and the whole process starts over again
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 07:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Sis, if the phone rings and you realise its his voice, immediately lock off the phone, dont give him a chance to talk to you at all
Then you need to tell your sister to fear Allah, hes calling and texting, hes not trying to kidnap you or touching you or grabbing you away, her behaviour is not acceptable as a woman who fears Allah, your dad or older brother should be dealing with it not her if it gets to that point
If shes with you and she sees him she should just drag you along, and get on with your business like he doesnt exist

so who is going to get (rhetorical) and why would she even talk to people like that if theyre ok with beating people up for no valid reason..that is left behind with jahiliya (meant to)... if its her husband (if shes married) why would she want to be the cause of him possibly getting in trouble with police if caught, it will be on her and her fault.
So you need to let them know you have it handled.
He oviously is in alot of pain and has not yet accepted it, BUT you need to do the right thing and keep away and lock off everything.

If you see him when you go out, ignore him, go on about your business, look past him and pretend he doesnt exist, eventually he will get the point and leave it alone.... ONLY if stick to it and are consistent and do not give in even a inch, the moment you give in, you give him hope and more determination to try and "win you back" and the whole process starts over again
Well my father isn't that type of person to threaten someone and my brother is only 12.

I don't think she would do anything it's probably just threats to try to get him to leave me alone.

Thank you muslimah_B for the support. Inshallah I'll stay steadfast :) it's really nice to have this forum to ask for advice because often it's hard to discuss certain things with my friends in real life and my friends are not very pious so they're not that strict and the advice they gave me sometimes is not the best advice in the eyes of Islam.

Ignoring him like he don't exist is so brutal... I can't possibly put someone through that kind of treatment but I'll do my best inshallah god knows my intentions here.
Reply

azc
05-25-2016, 07:24 PM
@EgytPrncess

Plz ignore my previous post.

Thanks
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 07:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Well my father isn't that type of person to threaten someone and my brother is only 12.

I don't think she would do anything it's probably just threats to try to get him to leave me alone.

Thank you muslimah_B for the support. Inshallah I'll stay steadfast :) it's really nice to have this forum to ask for advice because often it's hard to discuss certain things with my friends in real life and my friends are not very pious so they're not that strict and the advice they gave me sometimes is not the best advice in the eyes of Islam.

Ignoring him like he don't exist is so brutal... I can't possibly put someone through that kind of treatment but I'll do my best inshallah god knows my intentions here.

Your welcome sis, any time xxx
I dont mean for your dad to threaten him lol but have a "man 2 man" talk it usually helps.

Its not about being strict sis, its about pushing ourselves to worship Allah the way He deserves to be worshipped, to follow the commandments of Allah the way they deserve to be followed.
We can always be doing something better eg
You dont wear hijab, push yourself to wear it, then push yourself to wear it so perfectly fully covering, then push yourself to niqab, then push yourself to wear gloves, then push yourself to burka etc etc
If you dont pray all 5 push yourself to pray all 5, when you do pray on time, push yourself to do witr, then push yourself to do all the sunnahs, then push yourself to wake up for tahajjud, then naffl just for the sake of Allah.

In all honesty and im not trying to be brutal or horrible, but sometimes we all need to check our companions who we turn to for advice, if they dont remind you of Allah or the advice is at best islamic, most of the time its better to find others, when you want to be better you will be dragged down further and left in a rut (im saying this from experience

Sis sometimes its just best to act like he doesnt exist, its better for him and most importantly you, he has to learn the hard way if he will not accept it the easy way.
The moment you give him time, in his head it means "yes she still loves me there is still a chance, im going to keep trying untill she gives in)
Trust me sis its the best thing to ignore their existance, he will get tired eventually lol

If you knew the struggles iv had to go through with these types of things, youd immediately do what i say and be like "i dont want a bar of that" lol

Just for a giggle il tell you one story before i came to islam i was with this "muslim" guy and he was a utter jerk things happend and i left him he botherd the life out of me and i changed everything to get away (during this time he had spread so much rumours about me to other people it became funny the things being said, he wanted to pretend he was a "big man" and wasnt hurt.
3 years later i saw somebody who i thought was from college but it ended up being his friend and he was behind me, i immediately lost control and cussed him down to the ground and walked away, they both followed me asking to speak to me.. for what i didnt care... he followed me down the whole long high street... we argued again as he wouldnt leave me alone and i wanted him out my face and to not hear his silly voice.. i got so angry i was going to smash his head with a brick..his friend got in the middle and had to seperate us, he finally got the message to move from me and walked away, his friend who i had no problems with looked at me with despair and was like hes sorry and to take care (Honeslty he looked like he wanted to cry from stopping a crazy girl killing his friend whooops)
Ahhh the times when i could act reckless LOL not anymore now i have to think and then react not just react
(I just told you this so you could laugh, in sha Allah this doenst happen to you lol)
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 07:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Your welcome sis, any time xxx
I dont mean for your dad to threaten him lol but have a "man 2 man" talk it usually helps.

Its not about being strict sis, its about pushing ourselves to worship Allah the way He deserves to be worshipped, to follow the commandments of Allah the way they deserve to be followed.
We can always be doing something better eg
You dont wear hijab, push yourself to wear it, then push yourself to wear it so perfectly fully covering, then push yourself to niqab, then push yourself to wear gloves, then push yourself to burka etc etc
If you dont pray all 5 push yourself to pray all 5, when you do pray on time, push yourself to do witr, then push yourself to do all the sunnahs, then push yourself to wake up for tahajjud, then naffl just for the sake of Allah.

In all honesty and im not trying to be brutal or horrible, but sometimes we all need to check our companions who we turn to for advice, if they dont remind you of Allah or the advice is at best islamic, most of the time its better to find others, when you want to be better you will be dragged down further and left in a rut (im saying this from experience

Sis sometimes its just best to act like he doesnt exist, its better for him and most importantly you, he has to learn the hard way if he will not accept it the easy way.
The moment you give him time, in his head it means "yes she still loves me there is still a chance, im going to keep trying untill she gives in)
Trust me sis its the best thing to ignore their existance, he will get tired eventually lol

If you knew the struggles iv had to go through with these types of things, youd immediately do what i say and be like "i dont want a bar of that" lol

Just for a giggle il tell you one story before i came to islam i was with this "muslim" guy and he was a utter jerk things happend and i left him he botherd the life out of me and i changed everything to get away (during this time he had spread so much rumours about me to other people it became funny the things being said, he wanted to pretend he was a "big man" and wasnt hurt.
3 years later i saw somebody who i thought was from college but it ended up being his friend and he was behind me, i immediately lost control and cussed him down to the ground and walked away, they both followed me asking to speak to me.. for what i didnt care... he followed me down the whole long high street... we argued again as he wouldnt leave me alone and i wanted him out my face and to not hear his silly voice.. i got so angry i was going to smash his head with a brick..his friend got in the middle and had to seperate us, he finally got the message to move from me and walked away, his friend who i had no problems with looked at me with despair and was like hes sorry and to take care (Honeslty he looked like he wanted to cry from stopping a crazy girl killing his friend whooops)
Ahhh the times when i could act reckless LOL not anymore now i have to think and then react not just react
(I just told you this so you could laugh, in sha Allah this doenst happen to you lol)
sounds like a horror movie lol. This is a bit different though because he was nasty to you and spread rumours about you. When he rings me up with his tearful voice and I can just imagine his puppy dog eyes and he talks to me lol :facepalm:

I'll do my best inshallah and I hope he doesn't do anything like that to me... to be honest I know that he won't, he is not that type of person and he knows if he ever spread any rumours or did anything to hurt me emotionally he'd lose me forever and I'd never forgive him... and I'd probably kill him :) I'm sure I can move on from this, I've already done the hardest part after all... :)
Reply

Cpt.America
05-25-2016, 07:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
Your welcome sis, any time xxx
I dont mean for your dad to threaten him lol but have a "man 2 man" talk it usually helps.

Its not about being strict sis, its about pushing ourselves to worship Allah the way He deserves to be worshipped, to follow the commandments of Allah the way they deserve to be followed.
We can always be doing something better eg
You dont wear hijab, push yourself to wear it, then push yourself to wear it so perfectly fully covering, then push yourself to niqab, then push yourself to wear gloves, then push yourself to burka etc etc
If you dont pray all 5 push yourself to pray all 5, when you do pray on time, push yourself to do witr, then push yourself to do all the sunnahs, then push yourself to wake up for tahajjud, then naffl just for the sake of Allah.

In all honesty and im not trying to be brutal or horrible, but sometimes we all need to check our companions who we turn to for advice, if they dont remind you of Allah or the advice is at best islamic, most of the time its better to find others, when you want to be better you will be dragged down further and left in a rut (im saying this from experience

Sis sometimes its just best to act like he doesnt exist, its better for him and most importantly you, he has to learn the hard way if he will not accept it the easy way.
The moment you give him time, in his head it means "yes she still loves me there is still a chance, im going to keep trying untill she gives in)
Trust me sis its the best thing to ignore their existance, he will get tired eventually lol

If you knew the struggles iv had to go through with these types of things, youd immediately do what i say and be like "i dont want a bar of that" lol

Just for a giggle il tell you one story before i came to islam i was with this "muslim" guy and he was a utter jerk things happend and i left him he botherd the life out of me and i changed everything to get away (during this time he had spread so much rumours about me to other people it became funny the things being said, he wanted to pretend he was a "big man" and wasnt hurt.
3 years later i saw somebody who i thought was from college but it ended up being his friend and he was behind me, i immediately lost control and cussed him down to the ground and walked away, they both followed me asking to speak to me.. for what i didnt care... he followed me down the whole long high street... we argued again as he wouldnt leave me alone and i wanted him out my face and to not hear his silly voice.. i got so angry i was going to smash his head with a brick..his friend got in the middle and had to seperate us, he finally got the message to move from me and walked away, his friend who i had no problems with looked at me with despair and was like hes sorry and to take care (Honeslty he looked like he wanted to cry from stopping a crazy girl killing his friend whooops)
Ahhh the times when i could act reckless LOL not anymore now i have to think and then react not just react
(I just told you this so you could laugh, in sha Allah this doenst happen to you lol)
Im not going to lie, but this post was beautiful.
From the excellent excellent advice, right down to the head smashing.
Probably BECAUSE of the head smashing lol. Jk jk I kid I kid.

Excellent post Mashaallah
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 08:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Cpt.America
Im not going to lie, but this post was beautiful.
From the excellent excellent advice, right down to the head smashing.
Probably BECAUSE of the head smashing lol. Jk jk I kid I kid.

Excellent post Mashaallah
In sha Allah we can all benifit from it even if you only take one thing.

LOL guys i am no way condoning violence, unless its absolutely necessary and needed, please do not go trying to hurt people with bricks LOL
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 08:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
In sha Allah we can all benifit from it even if you only take one thing.

LOL guys i am no way condoning violence, unless its absolutely necessary and needed, please do not go trying to hurt people with bricks LOL
I said it once and I'll say it again, you're literally my sister xD now that I'm thinking about it, perhaps you're both psychopaths! ;)
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 08:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
sounds like a horror movie lol. This is a bit different though because he was nasty to you and spread rumours about you. When he rings me up with his tearful voice and I can just imagine his puppy dog eyes and he talks to me lol :facepalm:

I'll do my best inshallah and I hope he doesn't do anything like that to me... to be honest I know that he won't, he is not that type of person and he knows if he ever spread any rumours or did anything to hurt me emotionally he'd lose me forever and I'd never forgive him... and I'd probably kill him :) I'm sure I can move on from this, I've already done the hardest part after all... :)
It was a psycho film at the time LOL but now its a comedy
Oh no he done all of that soppy stuff, it made me want to puke LOL

Just pretend he is a creepy seriel killer stalker, that should make you want to stay away LOL

The hardest part is being continous staying away, the loneliness creeps in, the missing the company or someone to talk to at odd hours of the night when yoh cant sleep etc etc but you have to fight this and keep those feelings ar bay.
, you took the 1st step wich may have looked the hardest to you but mashAllah youv done so good so keep it up and do not fall back into it

But honestly sis, if i hadnt have gone through all the stuff i did, then i wouldnt have learned to value myself on a higher level, know the difference between a good man and "complete fool".. somtimes all the hardships we go through end up being such blessings in disguise to help us, teach us something, or just to learn to not trust that person... but you wont realise this untill you get through it and then look back you will realise the absolute mercy of Allah and will say "omg/subhanAllah that happend because of this" "thank you Allah" "Alhamdulilah"
Everyone makes mistakes, its just learning from them to not repeat which we can all find hard... But Alhamdulilah we have Allah who is sooo mercifull to us and will always give us an opportunity to repent and ask for forgiveness untill the time of death, so dont waste this time or your life with someone who does not believe in Allah, our mercifull Allah, who loves His slaves do not be with someone who does not love Allah back
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 08:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I said it once and I'll say it again, you're literally my sister xD now that I'm thinking about it, perhaps you're both psychopaths! ;)
LOL yea i probally am a psychopath atleast im able to admit it, unlike most people who think they're normal LOL i think theyre worse lol[emoji33]
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 08:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B
LOL yea i probally am a psychopath atleast im able to admit it, unlike most people who think they're normal LOL i think theyre worse lol[emoji33]
Psychopath on the loose! Be careful IB members. Lol.
I wonder someone with the capability of hitting brick on someone's face, why hesitated to catch that big spider mentioned in other thread. Catch it again if you can and throw at your so called oppressors [emoji48] [emoji48] [emoji48] [emoji49] [emoji49]
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 09:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Well my father isn't that type of person to threaten someone and my brother is only 12.

I don't think she would do anything it's probably just threats to try to get him to leave me alone.

Thank you muslimah_B for the support. Inshallah I'll stay steadfast :) it's really nice to have this forum to ask for advice because often it's hard to discuss certain things with my friends in real life and my friends are not very pious so they're not that strict and the advice they gave me sometimes is not the best advice in the eyes of Islam.

Ignoring him like he don't exist is so brutal... I can't possibly put someone through that kind of treatment but I'll do my best inshallah god knows my intentions here.
I wonder he was the first person to come on this forum. Apparently he has vanished since then. And I guess he also knows your username so probably he would be reading the advises you are getting, and also reading that you are becoming soft by his actions.

Secondly I remember his age was just 22. Not so much old according to current world, to take some mature decision. Currently he is going through a rough time of emotional break down. By the advises muslimah_b gave you, in shaa Allah he will learn lesson that you are serious about your way of life and religion. And that he has to go through Islam, independently in order to reach you.
If he is serious about you, and true to what he said when he was on this forum, he will definitely take religion seriously without you asking him.

I remember I mentioned this youtube guy before. Who had also fell into love with a muslim girl, who then left him because he did not become muslim. At first he blamed Islam for her being like that and called her racist etc, but later on studied Islam more deeply and became. Even though he did not marry her, but it went well for both of them.
Listen to his journey to Islam. It is very relevant to your case.

My Story: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list...kVwE1Ddl3chBxU
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 09:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
Psychopath on the loose! Be careful IB members. Lol.
I wonder someone with the capability of hitting brick on someone's face, why hesitated to catch that big spider mentioned in other thread. Catch it again if you can and throw at your so called oppressors [emoji48] [emoji48] [emoji48] [emoji49] [emoji49]
LOL people are big and slow, easier to hit them with a brick than catch a icky spider that looks like something out of a horror film lol
I would rather take my chances with the brick than the spider LOL
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 09:28 PM
May Allah help us!
Reply

EgyptPrincess
05-25-2016, 09:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
I wonder he was the first person to come on this forum. Apparently he has vanished since then. And I guess he also knows your username so probably he would be reading the advises you are getting, and also reading that you are becoming soft by his actions.

Secondly I remember his age was just 22. Not so much old according to current world, to take some mature decision. Currently he is going through a rough time of emotional break down. By the advises muslimah_b gave you, in shaa Allah he will learn lesson that you are serious about your way of life and religion. And that he has to go through Islam, independently in order to reach you.
If he is serious about you, and true to what he said when he was on this forum, he will definitely take religion seriously without you asking him.

I remember I mentioned this youtube guy before. Who had also fell into love with a muslim girl, who then left him because he did not become muslim. At first he blamed Islam for her being like that and called her racist etc, but later on studied Islam more deeply and became. Even though he did not marry her, but it went well for both of them.
Listen to his journey to Islam. It is very relevant to your case.

My Story: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list...kVwE1Ddl3chBxU
I've had a lot of support and advice through PM'ing sisters here. I've been asking many questions about this with them in secret but I wanted to post this to get some possible advice from others and men also. I don't think he comes here anymore but if he does and he sees this thread, at least he will know that I have the support of everyone here and he will see for himself how important Islam is for us :)
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 09:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I've had a lot of support and advice through PM'ing sisters here. I've been asking many questions about this with them in secret but I wanted to post this to get some possible advice from others and men also. I don't think he comes here anymore but if he does and he sees this thread, at least he will know that I have the support of everyone here and he will see for himself how important Islam is for us :)
Glad to know that. And I am also happy that you are getting so much help from IB. I also once got good advices from IB. The members are really helpful here ma shaa Allah. And especially sisters are like expert in providing help [emoji14] (through PMs and posts Lol, men probably sleeping on PS4 :D)
:)
Reply

muslimah_B
05-25-2016, 09:51 PM



Sorry but whenever i see this, i laugh so hard... (in sha Allah this lightens the mood) [emoji12]
Reply

Cpt.America
05-25-2016, 10:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
Glad to know that. And I am also happy that you are getting so much help from IB. I also once got good advices from IB. The members are really helpful here ma shaa Allah. And especially sisters are like expert in providing help [emoji14] (through PMs and posts Lol, men probably sleeping on PS4 :D)
:)
haha wish I had a ps4.
Alhamdulillah
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 10:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Cpt.America
haha wish I had a ps4.
Alhamdulillah
Definitely have to play MGS 5 akhi [emoji14]
Reply

s.ali123
05-25-2016, 10:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by s.ali123
Definitely have to play MGS 5 akhi [emoji14]
Oh and uncharted 4 [emoji48] [emoji49]
Reply

Studentofdeed
09-08-2018, 02:01 AM
This is not funny. You played with this guy's feelings. It is wrong of him to keep pursuing you but you used him. If you and him love each other then repent and marry each other to make it halal. IF you sincerly feel bad then apologize to him and tell him why you can not be with him. But if this is because you do not like him or lost feelings based on whims and desires then that is horrible. IF he was abusive then its understandable whyy you left.
Reply

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