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lostsoul2016
05-25-2016, 05:42 PM
Salam brothers and sisters,

I wanted to know your opinion - what is your view on online websites for finding potential partners?
Have you tried? What was your view and success rate? What websites did you try?

Thank you.
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lostsoul2016
05-28-2016, 05:48 PM
Salam brothers and sisters.
This may seem very similar to another post I had made earlier on in the week but i is not quite the same. I certainly hope to get your valued responses and opinions.

So, I am in the "west". Times have changed. Whilst respecting the Islamic faith, how does one who does not have much of a family to search for a potential partner find a partner?
The way it seems to be these days are dating websites and such however we know that dating is haram (forbidden).

What are the views of meeting people in public places and getting to know them over coffee or dinner and such (with all respect put in place) to see if there is some chemistry before actually going into the world of meeting the family etc.. ?
What about for those who are not Muslims but are willing to revert? You meet someone, you chat, you get to know them etc... ? Of course, once again - it must be stressed that these things would be in the public eye and not "late night" meetings or in private places etc...

Thoughts? I am very interested because for someone of my age and living in the modern world along with the work lifestyle (in IT might I add), it really is difficult

Thank you :)
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EgyptPrincess
05-28-2016, 05:52 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
What about for those who are not Muslims but are willing to revert? You meet someone, you chat, you get to know them etc... ? Of course, once again - it must be stressed that these things would be in the public eye and not "late night" meetings or in private places etc...
Tried that, got obscene amounts of backlash for it. Good luck with that.
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lostsoul2016
05-28-2016, 06:02 PM
would that have been a backlash due to your culture or... ?
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Insignificant
05-29-2016, 06:09 AM
Whilst respecting the Islamic faith...
What about making sincere dua to Allah subhano wa Ta'ala...? Or are you respectful but insincere [mushriq]???
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 08:04 AM
Well of course needless to say I am making a sincere dua to Allah!
I was asking in terms of practicality too! :)
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Bhabha
05-29-2016, 09:06 AM
I don't have an issue with online potentials..... If someone I know, happens to know them in their part of the earth [emoji39]
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 09:13 AM
Which is unlikely really that if you find a potential match yourself....then for someone you know to maybe know of them.... :)
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Bhabha
05-29-2016, 09:15 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Which is unlikely really that if you find a potential match yourself....then for someone you know to maybe know of them.... :)
Well no. Someone I knew found a potential online and that person shared a last name with one of their friends and so.. They ended up speaking to the persons family and all. Lol it was weird.
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 09:29 AM
lol that's what i am saying - rare that it happens :)
so difficult - I want to, inshallah, get married but its difficult in this modern world (and the endless picky people!)... takes time to find potential matches too.
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 10:53 AM
I gave up. Probably won't ever be married Allahu Alam
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 11:04 AM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
Salam brothers and sisters,

I wanted to know your opinion - what is your view on online websites for finding potential partners?
Have you tried? What was your view and success rate? What websites did you try?

Thank you.
Sorry I can't say that I've personally tried any. But keep this in mind inshallah: https://islamqa.info/en/85099

You're allowed to use matrimonial sites, as long as they follow the Islamic rules. Maybe an experienced brother can message you with the matrimonial sites that are reputable inshallah.
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 12:29 PM
Once again, thank you Charisma :) Really appreciate the response(s).
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 12:52 PM
The other challenge is that it seems too many people are focused on looks/appearance. I am not the most attractive person and have been pretty much rejected for most of my life :(
Without going into too much detail - there was one person who thought a lot of me and it felt great but sadly/fortunately that is no more. And that's the struggle these days - finding someone who looks beyond the appearance and also keeping it halal
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 12:57 PM
i'm a wretch, who is cursed by Allah to not fulfil half my deen.

Acceptance is hard.

Scimi
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 01:02 PM
well thanks for a positive response!
but yes i have accepted it all my life pretty much, then got lots of positive attention and it was great. :(

Oh Allah, please grant me a great match/potential ASAP inshallah.
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:08 PM
I think that goes both ways. You'd want someone you're attracted to just like someone would want to be attracted to you. Changing little things about yourself can make a big difference, and honestly I sometimes think that women's standards in regards to how their men look are a lot lower than men's standards of how attractive they want their women to be. In regards to your physical appearance you can work out more, get in shape/bulk up, grow a beard/facial hair, get a haircut, keep yourself very nice and clean, cut your nails, brush your teeth lol.

In regards to personality, women can smell desperation. If you seem desperate, for example if you smile too much, give a woman too much attention, try to converse a lot with a woman who doesn't give you the time of day etc. It's quite off-putting. Women can be weird, but really it's about what type of woman you're trying to attract. If you just want anyone then that's not going to work...Also it could be that you have high standards and want a very physically beautiful girl, so lower your standards a bit because personality counts. I don't know how to pinpoint your issues cuz I don't know you, but do some self-reflection. Maybe if you have sisters, ask their opinion (i know that's weird)..but maybe they know someone who might be interested and is good for you and are just too shy to make suggestions. If you have married guy friends, maybe their wives would know someone..use your connections.
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:10 PM
Originally Posted by Timi Scar
i'm a wretch, who is cursed by Allah to not fulfil half my deen.

Acceptance is hard.

Scimi
That's the attitude I was looking for. See Scimi is getting along fine without a woman!

loool

BTW I thought you had kids? :X or was that someone else.
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Physicist
05-29-2016, 01:13 PM
3 – It should not allow any correspondence between the two sexes, because of the evils that result from that, including the participation of mischief-makers both male and female whose intention is to do evil or have fun. Rather the administrators of the site should first check on the identity of the suitor, then put him in touch with the guardian (wali) of the woman.
I can't imagine to thrust some random guy to choose a wife for me.
Well, it all has sense when getting married traditional way,
when there are big families, natural flow of events predetermines optimal solutions.
Otherwise, it's irresponsible, inshallah with untied camels.
I will better search a wife for me by myself, but for me it's easy because i have some experience and will not loose my mind in front of pretty girl.
For unexperienced youngsters it's much harder. At least there should be some common friends who will recommend or talk out from marriage.
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 01:21 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
That's the attitude I was looking for. See Scimi is getting along fine without a woman!

loool

BTW I thought you had kids? :X or was that someone else.
Many kids, as an uncle... none I can say are my own.

Scimi
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 01:22 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
well thanks for a positive response!
but yes i have accepted it all my life pretty much, then got lots of positive attention and it was great. :(

Oh Allah, please grant me a great match/potential ASAP inshallah.
I'm forty, what's your excuse :D
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EgyptPrincess
05-29-2016, 01:25 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
would that have been a backlash due to your culture or... ?
My parents didn't approve of him and everyone said it's not allowed in Islam for a man and a women to get to know each other over a meal.
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:26 PM
Originally Posted by Timi Scar
Many kids, as an uncle... none I can say are my own.

Scimi
Oh ok...May allah grant you a pious and wonderful wife inshallah. Don't give up hope :) You seem to gravitate towards doing that so easily <_< But you do have the advantage of asking for marriage...whereas women have to wait to be asked and if they're not good looking and old then :omg:
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 01:30 PM
no comment lol. it's better to stay quiet sometimes hehe.
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:32 PM
Hey as a guy you got 10 more years before you're considered "old"...so keep at it.
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Scimitar
05-29-2016, 01:35 PM
Or until the white hairs get ya...





































....they got me
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 01:48 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
honestly I sometimes think that women's standards in regards to how their men look are a lot lower than men's standards of how attractive they want their women to be. .
interesting - my experience has been the COMPLETE opposite! you have no idea sister!! :)

as for desperation etc... - not at all. I've been patient, very patient. Then of course someone came which was great...and unfortunately left (or fortunately). Now trying to do things the right way and it's proving so much difficult. For instance easier meeting people (even though I got rejected) who are not Muslim but then even trying to engage in a simple conversation causes rejection to me because I am just not physically attractive.
I am not fat or overweight - I am just right, thankfully. Short hair, no beard or facial hair (I like to keep it clean if possible).

Allah - help me :)
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:48 PM
Who cares about white hairs..some men get them in their 20's ;D Psh even I have like 2.
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*charisma*
05-29-2016, 01:52 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
interesting - my experience has been the COMPLETE opposite! you have no idea sister!! :)

as for desperation etc... - not at all. I've been patient, very patient. Then of course someone came which was great...and unfortunately left (or fortunately). Now trying to do things the right way and it's proving so much difficult. For instance easier meeting people (even though I got rejected) who are not Muslim but then even trying to engage in a simple conversation causes rejection to me because I am just not physically attractive.
I am not fat or overweight - I am just right, thankfully. Short hair, no beard or facial hair (I like to keep it clean if possible).

Allah - help me :)
Take it as a learning experience brother. Make du'a inshallah, and it's great that you have been patient..don't lose hope like bro Scimi :D use your connections and inshallah you will find someone, ask trust worthy ppl (close friends) abt ur appearance maybe you can change something that you don't see about yourself.
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ardianto
05-29-2016, 03:04 PM
Originally Posted by lostsoul2016
The other challenge is that it seems too many people are focused on looks/appearance. I am not the most attractive person and have been pretty much rejected for most of my life :(
Without going into too much detail - there was one person who thought a lot of me and it felt great but sadly/fortunately that is no more. And that's the struggle these days - finding someone who looks beyond the appearance and also keeping it halal
Assalamualaikum, brother.

There is difference between handsome and good looking. Handsome man indeed, look good. But good looking man is not always handsome. A man who is not handsome can be look good if he has impressive personality that reflected in his attitude, and make people have good impression on him.

I have ever analyzed photo of a brother who always rejected. He is not handsome, indeed. Just average, but he has neatly appearance. However, I saw his expression was very rigid. I noticed this rigidity in his eyes. It shows his personality, which he has low confidence when interact with people. Then I compared his photo with an ustadz who is not handsome, but has friendly personality that reflected in his smile and attitude, and it makes him look good.

Probably the cause why you always rejected is because you looked rigid when you interact with other people, face to face.

My advice for you is build your personality. Always be generous toward the others. Raise up your empathy. Empathy will make you become a person who has good attention toward the others. People can feel it, and it will make them have good impression on you. Raise up your confidence. Do not thinking that you will not accepted by someone. But always believe, if you are willing to accept someone, then there will be someone who will accept you. Learn to understand and accept someone.

If you have personality like this, people will have good impression on you. And In Shaa Allah, someone will accept you.

Don't give up,okay?. :)
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Insignificant
05-29-2016, 03:11 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
whereas women have to wait to be asked and if they're not good looking and old then :omg:
May Allah subhano wa Ta'ala grant the believing women with believing men, and grant them believing children. amin.
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lostsoul2016
05-29-2016, 03:17 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Assalamualaikum, brother.

There is difference between handsome and good looking. Handsome man indeed, look good. But good looking man is not always handsome. A man who is not handsome can be look good if he has impressive personality that reflected in his attitude, and make people have good impression on him.

I have ever analyzed photo of a brother who always rejected. He is not handsome, indeed. Just average, but he has neatly appearance. However, I saw his expression was very rigid. I noticed this rigidity in his eyes. It shows his personality, which he has low confidence when interact with people. Then I compared his photo with an ustadz who is not handsome, but has friendly personality that reflected in his smile and attitude, and it makes him look good.

Probably the cause why you always rejected is because you looked rigid when you interact with other people, face to face.

My advice for you is build your personality. Always be generous toward the others. Raise up your empathy. Empathy will make you become a person who has good attention toward the others. People can feel it, and it will make them have good impression on you. Raise up your confidence. Do not thinking that you will not accepted by someone. But always believe, if you are willing to accept someone, then there will be someone who will accept you. Learn to understand and accept someone.

If you have personality like this, people will have good impression on you. And In Shaa Allah, someone will accept you.

Don't give up,okay?. :)

Salam brother! Thank you :)
I have a GREAT personality, a lot to give and very sensible and mature. I don't know, I am always nice but people just don't seem to want to communicate properly and when, for instance, you go on these websites (halal) - they just reject contact.
I know I am ahead of my years in terms of experience, knowledge, education etc... but I am not the best looking person although, as I said and should stop saying, only 1 person ever thought I was everything to her.... but of course that is no more and was wrong.

Hmmm. Seems double or triple standards! :)
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BeTheChange
05-29-2016, 03:22 PM
Asalamualykum,

If anyone is resorting to the internet to look for a potential spouse please have a read of sister MuslimInshaAllah advice:

http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...dangers+online

Some excellent points raised by our sister.

May Allah swt protect us all Ameen.
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Insignificant
05-29-2016, 03:34 PM
Originally Posted by Timi Scar
I gave up. Probably won't ever be married Allahu Alam
I liked this quote ages ago. Now I want to justify it.

Interestingly enough; If you resort to leaving knowledge of the unseen/unknown to Allah subhano wa Ta'ala, and replace it with sincere supplication of what you want (you must also be prepared to accept that you are probably transgressing upon yourself in some way, as well, and need to stop from a recurring sin) Allahu alem but isn't that the whole point of having a Creator? to leave the important things to Him and worry about the things that we CAN change in our lives?
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Bhabha
05-30-2016, 06:11 AM
ACTUALLY GUYS!!!!!

I think women prefer that their husbands be NOT the best looking of the bunch. So that no other chick glares their way and they are YOURS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. Have you not seen the mad babes with the ... not so average joes? :P

F.Y.I women do not want the best looking bunch, they want a man who is smart, will treat them like princesses and will take care of them and spoil them and be so good to them. Women like the personality, they are not based on looks. trust me. If a guy is sweet, kind, and everything, the girl will see the most handsome man, because remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But even if a guy is a super model (haram.. but you know what I mean) and he is the most atrocious in terms of personality, kindness and let's not forget DEEN, then he will be ugly.

Also note, that the image YOU HAVE of yourself, is the image others see. If you find yourself ugly, people will see you ugly. If you find yourself good, attractive and well worth the while, others will see that too!!!!
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