Should I tell someone they're being talked about in front of them in another language

[anonymous]

A couple of girls I know take advantage of talking in a language some of their other online friends don't understand, sometimes it's harmless, sometimes cheeky, sometimes mean.

Recently they added a girl on Facebook who they don't really know well and praised her for something, the girl was happy and thanked them, and straight away under the same comments they talked about her in a mean manner and laughed at her in their own language, knowing that a lot of the other people reading *can* understand whilst the poor girl is oblivious and thinks these two are becoming her friend.

Should I let the girl know privately as this is publicly humiliating and cruel to her without her even knowing, rather than backbiting where atleast it is done in privacy.

[EgyptPrincess]

A couple of girls I know take advantage of talking in a language some of their other online friends don't understand, sometimes it's harmless, sometimes cheeky, sometimes mean.

Recently they added a girl on Facebook who they don't really know well and praised her for something, the girl was happy and thanked them, and straight away under the same comments they talked about her in a mean manner and laughed at her in their own language, knowing that a lot of the other people reading *can* understand whilst the poor girl is oblivious and thinks these two are becoming her friend.

Should I let the girl know privately as this is publicly humiliating and cruel to her without her even knowing, rather than backbiting where atleast it is done in privacy.

Yes. This is bullying and it's backbiting, she may be present but she cannot understand the language so it's essentially backbiting those girls should be ashamed of themselves.

[ukmuslimah]

I hate girls like this, makes me understand why women will be the most numerous in Jahanam.

Advice them first, if they don't stop then tell them you will have to inform the girl who they are ridiculing/backbiting. I would personally cut them off and not associate with people with that. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

You might want to advise them of this hadeeth;

'Imam Al-Bukhari and Muslim reported that Abdullah narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "if you are three people, then two of you should not speak confidentially unless you mix with people, so that this will not upset the third person" and in another narration" that (speaking secretly) harms the Mu'min and Allah does not like that the Mu'min be harmed".'

[M.I.A.]

Not on Facebook so I don't know how it works.

..tell her to make her page public.

Most people's ignorance is dispelled when anonymity is removed.

At the least, you know anyway.

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[Scimitar]

This doesn't happen on "Muslim Social Media" :D

(yo, I'm joking)

It happens everywhere - the only qualifier? SOCIAL MEDIA... in other words - gossip station.

Scimi

[Scimitar]

But to answer your question -

"O you who believe, fear Allah and be among the truthful ones" (9:119) It is astonishing how people can influence others simply by being in each other's company. Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (ra) reported: I heard the Prophet (saw) saying, "The similitude of good company and that of bad company is that of the owner of musk and of the one blowing the bellows. The owner of musk would either offer you some free of charge, or you would buy it from him, or you smell its pleasant fragrance; and as for the one who blows the bellows (i.e., the blacksmith), he either burns your clothes or you smell a repugnant smell". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Commentary: This Hadith enjoins that one should sit in the company of the pious persons and avoid the impious ones because the former has the quality of a perfume seller and the latter of a blacksmith. In the association of pious men, one stands to gain all the time and ultimately becomes like them. In bad company one is out-and-out a loser and can never hope to gain any benefit from them. Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (ra) reported: The Prophet (saw) said, "Keep only a believer for a companion and let only a pious eat your food". [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud]. Commentary: This Hadith forbids Muslims from befriending infidels and stresses that they should establish a bond of friendship and fraternity with the pious persons only. Abu Hurairah (ra) reported: I heard the Prophet (saw) saying, "Man follows his friend's religion, you should be careful who you take for friends". [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud]. Commentary: This Hadith also induces one to avoid the company of impious people and seek the association of the pious persons

Source

So there you have it. You are the company you keep.

Scimi

[piXie]

I hate girls like this, makes me understand why women will be the most numerous in Jahanam.

Advice them first, if they don't stop then tell them you will have to inform the girl who they are ridiculing/backbiting. I would personally cut them off and not associate with people with that. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

:sl:


Just to add to that, we should also be aware of "friends" that speak ill of other people or spread untrue things causing discord, bad feelings and suspicion, whether they r offline or online friends. Today they speak badly about others to you, and tomorrow they will speak badly about you to others. Dont sit with people like that or listen to their ill talk or believe any if it.

They only expose themselves and their low character.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Such people are wasting time and are lowlives.. Tbh reminds me of 7 graders or 6 graders wanting to be the 'cool' 'popular' girl or something. Such people either end up being douchebags or they change for good.

[anonymous]

TBH most of you haven't answered my Q of wether to tell the person which is the dilemma here. It will obviously cause upset to her and cause bad feeling between all of them, but at the same time I would want to know I was being humiliated in plain sight in a language I don't understand. Islamically as a "bystander" is it a good idea for me to let her know of this so she is not left in this position without even knowing.

One of the girls is related to me and the other is her friend, I will disapprove bad actions my relative does where I can without causing drama but I can't cut her out of my life obviously and i would hope she sees the error of her ways. It is extremely disappointing to see her behaving this way when she has a good side too.

MIA - Hmm i'm not sure you understood the scenario and yes it's clear you don't understand Facebook either lol. No one is anonymous or needs to make their account public, the "victim" in this case knows who they are, they are simply talking about her in a language she doesn't understand.

[Scimitar]

TBH most of you haven't answered my Q of wether to tell the person which is the dilemma here. It will obviously cause upset to her and cause bad feeling between all of them, but at the same time I would want to know I was being humiliated in plain sight in a language I don't understand. Islamically as a "bystander" is it a good idea for me to let her know of this so she is not left in this position without even knowing.

One of the girls is related to me and the other is her friend, I will disapprove bad actions my relative does where I can without causing drama but I can't cut her out of my life obviously and i would hope she sees the error of her ways. It is extremely disappointing to see her behaving this way when she has a good side too.

MIA - Hmm i'm not sure you understood the scenario and yes it's clear you don't understand Facebook either lol. No one is anonymous or needs to make their account public, the "victim" in this case knows who they are, they are simply talking about her in a language she doesn't understand.

There is an islamic answer.

Wanna hear it?

Remove yourself from such situations.

Scimi

[*charisma*]

TBH most of you haven't answered my Q of wether to tell the person which is the dilemma here. It will obviously cause upset to her and cause bad feeling between all of them, but at the same time I would want to know I was being humiliated in plain sight in a language I don't understand. Islamically as a "bystander" is it a good idea for me to let her know of this so she is not left in this position without even knowing.

One of the girls is related to me and the other is her friend, I will disapprove bad actions my relative does where I can without causing drama but I can't cut her out of my life obviously and i would hope she sees the error of her ways. It is extremely disappointing to see her behaving this way when she has a good side too.

MIA - Hmm i'm not sure you understood the scenario and yes it's clear you don't understand Facebook either lol. No one is anonymous or needs to make their account public, the "victim" in this case knows who they are, they are simply talking about her in a language she doesn't understand.

I would not tell her because that would bring her grief and cause animosity between them. You should talk to your cousin though and make her feel bad for what she's doing. Sometimes all we need are reminders.

[anonymous]

That's pretty poor and blind advice, i'm not "in" any situation - I, like many others saw these comments appearing on a newsfeed. No different to overhearing the same thing in person just because you're near someone.

[anonymous]

Above reply was to Timi Scar

[Scimitar]

That's pretty poor and blind advice, i'm not "in" any situation - I, like many others saw these comments appearing on a newsfeed. No different to overhearing the same thing in person just because you're near someone.

You can't see what I see.

Remove yourself, they wonder why - then you tell them why - impact.

They'll take it perosnally and know they've failed you because you have actively removed yourself from that fitan.

But hey, it's poor advice, right? :hmm:

Scimi

[anonymous]

I would not tell her because that would bring her grief and cause animosity between them. You should talk to your cousin though and make her feel bad for what she's doing. Sometimes all we need are reminders.

That is what's holding me back from telling her, I don't want to upset her. But then I think she is going to carry on being friendly/friends with them and perhaps put herself through more of this, wether online or in person.

[anonymous]

You can't see what I see.

Remove yourself, they wonder why - then you tell them why - impact.

They'll take it perosnally and know they've failed you because you have actively removed yourself from that fitan.

But hey, it's poor advice, right? :hmm:

Scimi

Where am I removing myself from exactly???

[Scimitar]

Are you serious? :D

You would know, you're in it.

Scimi

[anonymous]

Are you serious? :D

You would know, you're in it.

Scimi

Is this what counts for good advice and support? Talking in riddles and not helping at all.

[*charisma*]

That is what's holding me back from telling her, I don't want to upset her. But then I think she is going to carry on being friendly/friends with them and perhaps put herself through more of this, wether online or in person.

That's why you should talk to your cousins first. If they're relentless and continue to talk about her whether it be gossip or slander, then what I would do is tell the girl that they have bad intent or put my cousins on blast since they are writing it for everyone on their friend's list to see anyways.

Please be aware that my advice is not at all Islamic, because I don't know what the islamic way of handling such a situation would be. I would just try my very best not to create animosity or hatred between them or cause them to quarrel. Since this person is your cousin, it would be better to try to fix it from that end first, and then sticking up for the girl publicly (as in the same manner that she's being gossiped about), and lastly as a last resort if she does not stop, I would tell the girl to stop associating herself with them.

[*charisma*]

Ignore him, it's almost his bedtime :D

[Scimitar]

:D

It's not.

[noraina]

Social media is a bit of a double-edged sword, it can cause as much harm as it can benefits.

Unfortunately I have seen this happening a lot, it is backbiting straight out - it's beyond me why so many women seem to have no concept of sisterhood and act like spiteful kids, they seem to get a kick out of gossiping about people.

I don't think you should tell the girl, it will just upset her when she isn't at fault. However you can try to advise those two girls, warn them of just how serious it is what they are doing, and then distance yourselves from them. This is telling you a lot about their character and their idea of friendship - so if you do have regular contact with them, distance yourself a bit.

[Bhabha]

No. Why would you tell someone what someone else is saying? The arrow missed the mark and you are going to make sure it hits it next time around?

[EgyptPrincess]

No. Why would you tell someone what someone else is saying? The arrow missed the mark and you are going to make sure it hits it next time around?

Would you not prefer to know that someone is talking behind your back? This poor girl thinks these girls are her friends, all the while they're mocking her and having a laugh at her expensive. The longer this goes on the harder it's going to hit her when she finally foes realise.

2 weeks of being "friends" and you find out they're backbiting.
6 months of being "friends" and you fine out they're backbiting.

2 weeks is obviously going to be easier to deal with.

[Scimitar]

You still debating this thing.... it really cheeses me off that people get themselves all worked up over freaking facebook.

Guess what? Aint no facebook in heaven..

Scimi

[anonymous]

That's why you should talk to your cousins first. If they're relentless and continue to talk about her whether it be gossip or slander, then what I would do is tell the girl that they have bad intent or put my cousins on blast since they are writing it for everyone on their friend's list to see anyways.

Please be aware that my advice is not at all Islamic, because I don't know what the islamic way of handling such a situation would be. I would just try my very best not to create animosity or hatred between them or cause them to quarrel. Since this person is your cousin, it would be better to try to fix it from that end first, and then sticking up for the girl publicly (as in the same manner that she's being gossiped about), and lastly as a last resort if she does not stop, I would tell the girl to stop associating herself with them.

Ignore him, it's almost his bedtime :D

It's difficult for me to lecture her in what's right & wrong, end of the day she is an adult (albeit younger than me) & I'm not close enough to her anymore. I would advise her more in the past when I used to be around her in person but I know she resented that & especially now she's older will not listen. I also rarely see her in person. But I think if her more mature & kinder sister has a word it will have more of an effect, so I'm hoping she will see it soon like I did & do so.

[Bhabha]

Isn't there a story somewhere where someone was talking bad about the prophet behind his back and someone came and repeated what the person said to him. Then the prophet told him why he did that if he hadn't heard it the first time the (arrow ) was shot. Correct me if I am wrong. But I heard something like that. Repeating things you heard only causes more trouble. It'll make the person feel bad and it will disturb any chance of reconciliation. It's like when a wife and husband have an argument, none should repeat anything to anyone outside and if someone outside says something about your wife or husband, it shouldn't be repeated. What if the person made a mistake? Their image and their ability to reconcile will be tarnished.

[anonymous]

Isn't there a story somewhere where someone was talking bad about the prophet behind his back and someone came and repeated what the person said to him. Then the prophet told him why he did that if he hadn't heard it the first time the (arrow ) was shot. Correct me if I am wrong. But I heard something like that. Repeating things you heard only causes more trouble. It'll make the person feel bad and it will disturb any chance of reconciliation. It's like when a wife and husband have an argument, none should repeat anything to anyone outside and if someone outside says something about your wife or husband, it shouldn't be repeated. What if the person made a mistake? Their image and their ability to reconcile will be tarnished.

Yes you're quite right & I never repeat things said behind someone's back but as this situation is very different it's difficult to figure out what the best way to deal with it would be. They are talking about her to her face & causing public humiliation to her, using the language barrier to their advantage. They know eachother in real life as well & the stuff they said shows they have done similar to her in real life too.

[AbdurRahman.]

:wa:

I think you should first tell them girls to stop this or otherwise you are going to tell ... and if they do not stop, then just tell the girl that they mock her but I wouldn't tell her anything specific they say so the girl cannot get hurt too much; if she says, 'tell me what they said', then you can tell her some mild things but not any harsh things as that would only hurt her more.

it's true telling her will hurt her feelings but she needs to know so she can put a stop to her honour being dragged through the mud by stopping communication with those girls