Deep shame in today's Muslim Society

[lostsoul2016]

Brothers and Sisters,

I am on a quest of trying to find a wife. It is unbelievably difficult given the restrictions (rightly so too!) and also the fact that someone in my position does not have any relatives who know of anyone.
Trying the internet with a couple (again, limited sites!) of Islamic sites brings me to shame. The shame in the sense of that there are SO MANY UNREALISTIC sisters who want this or that and just decline any form of communication, even to request a picture (in an Islamic way on the site)!

how on earth in this day and age is someone supposed to get Married? Really this is extremely difficult. And most of them do not seem to speak proper English either even though they are brought up and raised in the west - all speaking with very little words or broken up slang!

Of course I make dua'hs. But being practical has to be done. you cannot just sit around and do nothing and expect everything to come before you.

I also understand that some brothers perhaps act in the same way too but man, from my experience (astagfirullah) - absolutely disgusted. I feel betrayed in a way too. I work hard, I play hard, I am a self made person and very thankful for what Allah has given me including opportunities etc... and yet.... I come across unrealistic and RUDE sisters as well as judgemental when they have not even bothered to communicate properly!

This really begs the question if our Muslim brothers and sisters are choosing to remain single and not get married but mess around and act like how the west is. It really does make me question this.

Honestly, I feel totally let down and betrayed. My depression is even more than before because of these experiences.

Really for me personally it is virtually an impossible situation:

- don't have much family who know of people
- I work a lot and love what I do but also make the right time for someone
- Live in the west with many non-Muslims around. There are Muslims here too sure but again, see my post above about the issues! "Importing" someone is not an option either!
- No real way of meeting someone besides the internet (and since I work in IT, it is a big convenience for me anyway)
- Unable to even get a single interest with someone who is educated
- about 75% of the ones who I see the profiles of are either divorced or have kids already
- We live in a modern world and are the generation now who may not be as well guided as the previous generations.


So, it just makes me down and question everything. Is this really how we are heading now? Maybe it's better to just "date" Non-Muslims as its easier! (astagfirullah... just sayin how it is!) And no, I wouldn't do that but I am just making a point and comparison and I am sure the educated and experienced brothers and sisters here will understand what I mean and where I am coming from

We all talk about thinking of this or that or whatever but no REAL PRACTICAL solutions.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Go to a Masjid and ask.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

[darullemon]

There's someone here every other day complaining about not able to find a wife. May be you are not looking at right places? Go to Masjid talk to Imam or someone in your community who runs a marriage bureau or something. There are multiple muslim matrimonial sites. Good Luck

Salaam

[darullemon]

Brothers and Sisters,


- about 75% of the ones who I see the profiles of are either divorced or have kids already

We all talk about thinking of this or that or whatever but no REAL PRACTICAL solutions.

You are talking about real practical Islamic solutions. What's wrong with marrying a Divorcee/Widow?

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[lostsoul2016]

There is nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee/widow - I didn't say there was a problem.
They seem to be pretty down/upset or judgemental and just don't even give anyone the light of day.

I have also signed up for Muslim Matrimonial services but only 3 or 4 peaked my interest but they denied my request for getting to know as they were being judgemental due to age! (I am in my 30's as they are too!)

this is the problem. too many picky, fussy and unrealistic people. I thought us Muslim were far better and overlooked all the Non-Muslim criterias...clearly I was mistaken! Seems we are FAR worse.

[darullemon]

Looks they have rubbed off some of that unpleasant attitude on you. You are ripping on a whole Gender from example of few. What makes you think"Dating" Non-Muslim women will be any easier?

[lostsoul2016]

Indeed, ripping off due to large experience. I do know what I am talking about, I'm highly educated and experienced otherwise i wouldn't be saying so. if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....then it's a duck (as the saying goes) :)

what makes me think "dating" non-Muslim women are easier? Look around you. Easier to talk to, not being too judgemental.... yet with our Muslim sisters, they are difficult to talk to and immediately reject and be judgemental without even starting a proper friendly conversation.

[darullemon]

lmao.. I am sorry dude.. I wanted to keep this civil but way you a generalizing and hating on Sisters and comparing them with Non-Muslims is hilarious and beyond my comprehension. Do go on..I would like to see one of the sisters here to bite your head off. *Grabs Popcorn*

[lostsoul2016]

and so it begins. sadly seems people aren't experienced or intellectual here.

you are not me nor have you even tried yourselves. if so, you would understand the situation but instead decide to mock and call yourselves wise and experienced ones? oh please. ALOT of growing up to do.
Nor have I seen any practical advice but 1 so far. Seems that Islam and humbleness is a mockery to you as you have shown. Childish comments and acts. You are supposed to HELP a brother in need. Not torment.

[muslimah_B]

Well tbh like the brother has pointed out above, go to your local masjid and speak to the imam and tell him that you are looking to get married or speak to brothers at the masjid so they can ask their wives or sisters if anyone would be interested, thats how this works, id advice against websites as this does not guarantee that the sister has her mahram present in order for you to "talk" to her

If you want to get married act correct and stop speaking ill of sisters, just because a few have turned you down, doesnt mean they all will have sabr and look for a wife the "proper" way then maybe one will come, but untill your attitude changes towards sisters it wont

Marriage to somebody doesnt happen overnight, it will take time your spending your life with this person and then jannah in sha Allah, ofcourse sisters are going to picky, so should you be aswell,
This woman is going to raise your kids, and be your helper in your time of need just as you are to her, this is going to be your wife not your gf this is an important matter and all "boxes" need to be checked especially with aspects to deen.
Everyone is entitled to their preference and can be picky
Just because a few sisters dont take interest doesnt mean you turn your back on them completely then go to non muslims that's absolute rubbish.
Just as women can be picky so can men, its a two way street, you choose who will guide you and who reminds you of Allah, a non muslim will remind you of shaytan not Allah and to say that a non-muslim is somehow easier is exactly how the shaytan works !
You dont have a "friendly" convo with sisters unless her mahram is present this is how islam is set to protect both parties form immoral talk and actions.
I dont see any benifit with a non-muslim at all, a sister will remind you of Allah and drag you back down to earth, a non muslim will "stroke your ego"

Honestly in the most kindest and respectfull way, get your priorities striaght, then in sha Allah a wife will come

[darullemon]

and so it begins. sadly seems people aren't experienced or intellectual here.

you are not me nor have you even tried yourselves. if so, you would understand the situation but instead decide to mock and call yourselves wise and experienced ones? oh please. ALOT of growing up to do.
Nor have I seen any practical advice but 1 so far. Seems that Islam and humbleness is a mockery to you as you have shown. Childish comments and acts. You are supposed to HELP a brother in need. Not torment.

I apologize if I came across as rude or arrogant. As you are an IT guy let me put it this way. I was just trying to give you my opinion on your situation. This is forum and we all have opinions this is not a TSG or MOP/SOP or an algorithm that will finally give you a solution or way out.

[truthseeker63]

I have the same issues.

[Bhabha]

WE ALL HAVE THOSE ISSUES.

GUYS are super judgemental too. :D

[truthseeker63]

You are right Bhabha .

[darullemon]

Either you guys are doing it wrong or people are crazy now. Stop hanging out in masjid parking lots and saying salaam to sisters. Trust me that won't work.

[darullemon]

https://youtu.be/7-Hilv1o5ck