Do you become a complete wife after the nikah?

[anonymous]

Salamu alaykum

I'm going to be getting married soon and will have a nikah (signing of the contract). In my culture, when the nikah is done, both the wife and husband still live with their parents and don't move out together until after the wedding. My parents have always told me that during the nikah period (before the wedding) a wife is not really a complete wife and she's half a wife. That means that she cannot live with her husband yet or engage in intimacy or consummate the marriage because it's haram. I've always believed my parents because they would constantly warn me to never consummate my marriage after the nikah, because my honour & reputation will be damaged and it should only be done after the wedding.

I recently started hearing from other people that after the nikah, you become a husband and wife and everything becomes halal, and you can consummate the marriage. Some people have even told me that you could also live with the husband after the nikah. I'm starting to get really confused. I was always aware that living with the husband/consummating the marriage happens after the wedding. That's because I was taught what's the point of the wedding if couples lived together beforehand and consummated the marriage, on top of all this I was constantly warned these actions are haram.

I'm starting to feel really nervous and confused about what's right and what's wrong. Is what my parents have told me right or what people have? If after my nikah my husband tells me to consummate the marriage will I be sinning if I refuse or will he be the sinner for asking me to commit haram? I apologize and please forgive me if this thread is inappropriate because I didn't know how else I should ask this.

[Alpha Dude]

How do you define "wedding"?

As far as Islam is concerned, after nikah you are allowed to do whatever you desire. If by wedding you refer to a reception where you invite loads of people to eat and celebrate the occasion then that does not have any significance to the matter of what is and isn't considered lawful for you as husband and wife (and why would it, when there is nothing religiously significant about such a thing).

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

I'm assuming you will be having a wedding, right? I think your parents want you to wait until your marriage is publicized. Also sometimes parents don't want the guy to ditch their daughter before the wedding especially if they've consummated the marriage because the girl then loses her virginity and it can be difficult for her to remarry if the guy decides for whatever reason he doesn't want her anymore. Also this time is used for the guy and girl to get to know each other without the need for a mahrem to be available all the time. What this is and what your parents have told you is purely cultural though.

Once nikkah is done you're both halal for each other. You are husband and wife and can do whatever you want. However, the issue plays in if you want to get divorced. If you consummate your marriage, you will have to complete your iddah. If you don't, then you can move on with your life.

Just my personal advice though, there's no need to rush anything, especially if you and the guy have just newly met. Use this time to get to know each other. Hopefully your walimah is not far away. In the end it's your choice though and you wouldn't be committing any haram if you choose to consummate your marriage with him.

[darullemon]

This was roller-coaster from start to finish. Isn't Nikah, Marriage and Wedding same thing?
I am assuming you are talking about all the Ruksati trap desis do, where you move out of your home and live with him and that calls for an celebration and only until after that you are allowed to be with your husband. All that is cultural thing, if you two have legally signed marriage contract and Qadhi certified it and did a qutbah and signatures or witnesses. You two are legit married and do whatever pleases you(Halaal stuff ofc)

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[anonymous]

By wedding, I mean the reception where you invite people to attend. Charisma, you summed up everything about how my parents think. For as long as I can remember, my parents have been warning me at a young age to never consummate the marriage before the wedding and would tell me stories about girls who did so and their lives were ruined.

If it's halal to consummate the marriage before the wedding, what if one falls pregnant, what happens? Wouldn't it be weird if the bride is pregnant on her wedding day? I still am afraid of consummating the marriage before the wedding due to my culture and shame associated with it. Would a wife be cursed if she doesn't consummate the marriage before the wedding if her husband asks her to?

[Scimitar]

Salamu alaykum

I'm going to be getting married soon and will have a nikah (signing of the contract). In my culture, when the nikah is done, both the wife and husband still live with their parents and don't move out together until after the wedding. My parents have always told me that during the nikah period (before the wedding) a wife is not really a complete wife and she's half a wife. That means that she cannot live with her husband yet or engage in intimacy or consummate the marriage because it's haram. I've always believed my parents because they would constantly warn me to never consummate my marriage after the nikah, because my honour & reputation will be damaged and it should only be done after the wedding.

I recently started hearing from other people that after the nikah, you become a husband and wife and everything becomes halal, and you can consummate the marriage. Some people have even told me that you could also live with the husband after the nikah. I'm starting to get really confused. I was always aware that living with the husband/consummating the marriage happens after the wedding. That's because I was taught what's the point of the wedding if couples lived together beforehand and consummated the marriage, on top of all this I was constantly warned these actions are haram.

I'm starting to feel really nervous and confused about what's right and what's wrong. Is what my parents have told me right or what people have? If after my nikah my husband tells me to consummate the marriage will I be sinning if I refuse or will he be the sinner for asking me to commit haram? I apologize and please forgive me if this thread is inappropriate because I didn't know how else I should ask this.

Your parents are talking crap, no offence.

Once your nikah is done, you are married.

Scimi

[greenhill]

Agree with the posts above.. your parents are steeped in culture.. as said by themselves about 'honour and reputation', not sunnah or Quran.. big difference..

I really don't know why this is so widespread.. I have theories.. whatever, it is not true.

I wouldn't argue with them though.. for what it's worth, it is only a few days.. speak to your hubby to be about it and come to an understanding. Don't have a fallout on your wedding night..



:peace:

[*charisma*]

If it's halal to consummate the marriage before the wedding, what if one falls pregnant, what happens? Wouldn't it be weird if the bride is pregnant on her wedding day? I still am afraid of consummating the marriage before the wedding due to my culture and shame associated with it. Would a wife be cursed if she doesn't consummate the marriage before the wedding if her husband asks her to?

It's halal to consummate the marriage before the wedding. The wedding is completely cultural. The walimah however is from sunnah, so it's more rewarding and has more blessings, and it's more preferable to just do that then to waste your money on an expensive wedding which can be used to buy a house or something necessary in your marriage. If you get pregnant, then you get pregnant and you'll have to deal with that :p but its not pregnancy out of sin.

[piXie]

:sl:

It is not haram for you to have marital relations after the nikkah but you should respect your parents wishes and obey them until you leave your parents house and go to his house. Having said this, the nikkah period shouldn't be delayed uneccessarily as this places difficulty upon the married couple.

Our culture should be respected including the advise and wishes of our parents as long as it doesn't go against the legislations of Allah.