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lookingforgod
07-21-2016, 11:17 AM
Hello, I was a convert to islam for over 5 years. Because of the hooris in Paradise i left islam. I couldn't stand a thought of sharing my husband with other women. Later my husband left me and our two kids. I had s rough time - depression, spent most of the 2015 in hospitals... I started reading the Bible, got myself baptised, i go to church every Sunday... Yet, lately i feel lost and confused - i don't feel this Jesus-is-God anymore. And I've missed islam lately. my former muslim friends won't talk to me anymore, they don't trust me. And i want to talk with someone who will show me the true islam... I've found this forum and hope to get some answers here. I'm praying for guidance too. To whom? To God, whomever He is.
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muslimah_B
07-21-2016, 12:27 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
Hello, I was a convert to islam for over 5 years. Because of the hooris in Paradise i left islam. I couldn't stand a thought of sharing my husband with other women. Later my husband left me and our two kids. I had s rough time - depression, spent most of the 2015 in hospitals... I started reading the Bible, got myself baptised, i go to church every Sunday... Yet, lately i feel lost and confused - i don't feel this Jesus-is-God anymore. And I've missed islam lately. my former muslim friends won't talk to me anymore, they don't trust me. And i want to talk with someone who will show me the true islam... I've found this forum and hope to get some answers here. I'm praying for guidance too. To whom? To God, whomever He is.
Hi and welcome to the forum :)

I can totally understand your feelings towards sharing your husband sis, alot of us have jelous traits when it comes towards husbands and the thought of sharing, or a husband taking a 2nd wife is terrifying to some as for others they are perfectly fine with this, and adapt to it, so please dont think your the only one :)

But we are talking about Jannah here, paradise where you will feel absolutely zero negative feelings, no sadness, no guilt, no anger, no jelousy, no insecurities, NOTHING, whatever you want you will have.

if your husband does not want the hoor al ayn, and just wants you then that's what he will have, but you have to understand that, this is his reward & choice for his struggles in this life and if he wants that, in jannah then that is between him and God, you cant ask for someone to not want something in paradise because it effects you here, once in paradise you will never feel any negativity towards him for that, you will be too busy being happy yourself, exploring the endless place you live, you will be more beautiful to your husband than any of them, you will be so happy with everything in jannah, man servants ;) whatever your hearts desire will be yours, however you want your husband to appear to you, thats how you will see him, there will be absolutely no disappointment in jannah :)

You leaving Islam over this issue, shows you clearly had very little emaan and possibly very little knowledge on the whole concept of jannah and probally Islam as a whole, but thats not a problem your here and wanting to learn and follow the right path now so we will work from here :)

I know how it feels to be lost, to be deppressed, to be anxious, so we can take this step by step and slowly to not make you feel overwhelmed :)

If your friends dont talk to you because of that, then they weren't your friends in the first place, especially if they let you leave Islam on such basic issues which should have been explained to you in a good way to prevent your emaan from slipping away, but anway forget about these people :)

So what exactly is it that you believe in ?

and what is it about islam that you miss ?

(We can start off with the positive aspects that you miss about islam and slowly move from there :) )
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lookingforgod
07-21-2016, 12:40 PM
I'm not sure what I believe now anymore. I know I believe in God.
What I miss about islam? Set prayers, the way I could do something to enter Jannah (in christianity you can't do anything for God to be pleased with you ), community, dress code, du'as, rules...
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muslimah_B
07-21-2016, 12:45 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
I'm not sure what I believe now anymore. I know I believe in God.
What I miss about islam? Set prayers, the way I could do something to enter Jannah (in christianity you can't do anything for God to be pleased with you ), community, dress code, du'as, rules...
So whats stopping you coming back to islam sis ?
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Akhi_Umar
07-21-2016, 12:57 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
I'm not sure what I believe now anymore. I know I believe in God.
What I miss about islam? Set prayers, the way I could do something to enter Jannah (in christianity you can't do anything for God to be pleased with you ), community, dress code, du'as, rules...
What is stopping you then?
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lookingforgod
07-21-2016, 01:12 PM
It's the lack of certainty in believing in islam, fear of my parents' reaction (i live with them, they would kick me out), i also have doubts about some issues in islam, mostly slavery, sex with female slaves. I want to give myself time though, to know islam better, not to rush into a decision
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noraina
07-21-2016, 01:14 PM
Sis, if you believe in Allah, and the Prophet's (as) He sent, and that within Islam is a complete way of life which you clearly miss, then no-one can stop you from reverting to Islam again.

About the hoori thing, I know to many people (especially women) it can be difficult to understand and even slightly upsetting - but we have to remember that Jannah is such a completely different place to this world, it'll be without jealousy or negative feelings and just filled with purity. And it could be a matter of just reading up on the matter, and realising the reasoning behind it - as having just blind faith isn't expected of us.

And besides, as has been said this is such a small aspect of the many facets of Islam - and to abandon all those beautiful parts of Islam, salah, hijab, fasting - for this one thing doesn't make much sense, it's like throwing away something so invaluable because of one thing you don't like, when understanding of that will come later.

And as for your Muslim friends not talking to you - that is sad and something unfortunate which happens in all communities, but as humans they're not perfect, Islam is perfect, and that shouldn't affect your decision inshaAllah.

We're here as your brothers and sisters for you to talk to and ask questions, so don't feel shy. :)
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noraina
07-21-2016, 01:16 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
It's the lack of certainty in believing in islam, fear of my parents' reaction (i live with them, they would kick me out), i also have doubts about some issues in islam, mostly slavery, sex with female slaves. I want to give myself time though, to know islam better, not to rush into a decision
Of course, and uncertainty is dispelled by gaining knowledge and understanding.

Those two specific issues you brought up have been discussed a lot and have pretty clear conditions and explanations behind them, I'll find the links and post them here inshaAllah
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Search
07-21-2016, 01:47 PM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

Hey, newb, welcome to IB!


Hey, sorry to hear that you've gone through a really bad time. Things must be hard with having to visit hospitals, and I can't imagine, but I do sympathize.

Honey, we shouldn't anything distract us from the fact that we come to Islam because we believe it's the Truth and because we love God enough to follow the Truth and not our inclinations or desires.

Also, Paradise is filled eyes have seen, the ears have heard, or that we have imagined as the hadith describes, and hoors are otherworldly creatures whom we would love also as creation of God because in Paradise there are no emotions like jealousy, anger, hatred, ego, resentment, or fear. Instead, there's only happiness for ourselves and for others whom we've been fortunate to find in Paradise whether they're angels, hoors, jinn, animals, other human beings with whom we shared on earth.

Additionally, forget that you left Islam and please don't see yourself as ex-anything. Think positively and see yourself trying to find a new beginning, a new meaning, and a new lease on life.

The important thing to realize is you're not alone: Many new Muslims leave Islam, and it's not because they're bad or anything but because they face sometimes either some issue, situation or trials that their easy least-path-of-resistance becomes to leave Islam. Unfortunately, the truth is that leaving Islam never solves anything, not the mentality or circumstances or the problem that led to leaving Islam.

So, this time, I'd say be patient. Remember even if you love your husband the most in your world or your children in the world, they can never be your *entire* world or existence because the only one who never abandons you is God. Everything else is ephemeral in the world and only God is Eternal. For example, you yourself witnessed that the husband you loved abandoned you despite the fact that you abandoned Islam out of jealous love from the thought of sharing him with anyone in Paradise. See, all things of the world are that which are fine to possess but you can never let yourself be possessed by them because only God deserves to be loved in the biggest and most extravagant and best way. Anywhere else that you put the love that was meant to be given to God will have you experience heartache.

That said, I'd remind you that even if you left Islam many times but each time came in sincerity to God asking for forgiveness and guidance and accepted with sincerity, God would accept you because God loves and has mercy for all humanity and wants guidance and forgiveness to be sought from Him. So, I think you're moving in the right direction. I'd also recommend you to watch Conver(t)sations: the Unheard Stories of Muslim Converts w/ Suhaib Webb, Khalid Latif & Others because you'll hopefully feel better about things that have happened in your life and also be able to gain insight into how other converts are struggling or struggled and have overcome their struggles.

Just hang in there, sweetie! You've gone through the worst, and now InshaAllah (God-willing) it only gets better from here on out!

No one here will InshaAllah judge you or talk down at you. We're here to listen and offer you the support you need to get to where you need to get and be happier and healthier and a better space in your life for your own sake.

Wishing you guidance, and a happy journey to God,


Originally Posted by lookingforgod
Hello, I was a convert to islam for over 5 years. Because of the hooris in Paradise i left islam. I couldn't stand a thought of sharing my husband with other women. Later my husband left me and our two kids. I had s rough time - depression, spent most of the 2015 in hospitals... I started reading the Bible, got myself baptised, i go to church every Sunday... Yet, lately i feel lost and confused - i don't feel this Jesus-is-God anymore. And I've missed islam lately. my former muslim friends won't talk to me anymore, they don't trust me. And i want to talk with someone who will show me the true islam... I've found this forum and hope to get some answers here. I'm praying for guidance too. To whom? To God, whomever He is.
Reply

Serinity
07-21-2016, 01:47 PM
The Message of Islam is simple: Tawheed. And it prohibits: Shirk (Worshipping anything or anybody besides Allah - is shirk - disbelief.)

Copy-pasted:

Tawheed can be explained by dividing it into three categories as follows.

1) Tawheed ar-Ruboobiyyah (Oneness of Lordship)

This means to single out Allaah for His lordship. Allaah is the sole creator, provider and sustainer in charge of all the affairs of the creation.

2) Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (Oneness of Worship - Worshipping only Allah - Alone, only Him - i.e. none besides Allah)

Also known as Tawheed al-Ibaadah. This means that all worship is directed soley for Allaah. It includes prayer, dua, trust, slaughtering etc. All acts of obedience and worship are a means of getting closer to Allah so all acts must done for His sake.

3) Tawheed al-Asmaa' was-sifaat

This is where we affirm Allaah's names and attributes as Allaah affirmed for Himself in the the Qur'aan, and those affirmed by the Prophet Muhammad . These names and attributes are taken without likening any of them to the creation. We just accept them as they are without asking what, how, why etc.
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muslimah_B
07-21-2016, 02:24 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
It's the lack of certainty in believing in islam, fear of my parents' reaction (i live with them, they would kick me out), i also have doubts about some issues in islam, mostly slavery, sex with female slaves. I want to give myself time though, to know islam better, not to rush into a decision
sis don't fear your parents reaction, didn't they know you was muslim before ?

il tell you a bit what happened to me, when i reverted i didn't tell anyone for 2months, i would go out the house uncovered then run to my car and cover up everyday i went out, i hated it, i hated hiding who i was, what i believed in, the day my parents found out was, i told them they didn't say anything, they assumed it was a phase and i would snap out of it LOL, now the day i had a interview at my mums workplace it all kicked off, i refused to wear work pants, i refused to take my hijab off and took a stance i showed her my hijab and abaya, and it somehow got her upset that she felt like she was loosing her daughter to this weird religion where she would always see me uncovered, now i had to cover up,
she was downstairs crying, my dad comes into my room shouting and cussing, a fight broke out, i got beaten up covered in bruises called every name under the sun and was threatened they would call the police on me as i was apparently a terrorist radicalised by people,

i grabbed what i could ran out the house and never looked back for over a year, for over a year i never saw my mum, my pets, i refused to set foot in the house, i refused any communication from them, i was homeless, moved around from place to place, friends to friends, and slept in my car, but i was happy to get away from an abusive household it was like my way out that Allah had provided for me loads of other things happened that i don't want to talk about so openly so another day perhaps :)

but fast forward my mum goes on holiday and tells me that my dad is sick and i have to go to the house to look after him, i went there after a year of not seeing my family as soon as i walked through the door, he cried and said he was sorry for what he had done and he regretted every moment of it and that because of it, him and my mum didn't get along, my dad ended up in hospital and was given a week to live as he had sever build up of fluid in his body and lungs and needed heart surgery, and they couldn't operate until the fluid went, but his heart condition was so bad he might not make it so i had to let go of every resentment i had for him and my mum, the day of surgery i made dua and cried my eyes out to Allah to save my dad and no matter what i was so thankful to Allah for giving me a family,
the day of the surgery it went good Alhamdulilah he was in hospital for over a month and got out is on tablets for life but he is alive is all that matters, i was allowed to stay over to help my dad out, take him appointments in the morning while my mum was at work, i was in-between my mums house and a dirty hostel, so i began to keep going to my mums but stay at the hostel when it got too much. now I'm going to the shops with my mum wearing a niqab LOOL now I'm in the house making dinner.

my point for my long story is that, Allah has a plan for everything, that no matter the outcome, it will always be ok, it may look like your about to jump into a pool full of killer sharks, but in reality its dolphins.
If you believe in God then trust him and let HIM guide your heart to the truth, don't make excuses of fearing other peoples reaction to your decisions that will ultimately effect you, no-one else... even if your parents kick you out stop taking to you, they will eventually welcome you back with open arms and kisses,

as for the slavery and sexual slaves, i suggest you focus on actually believing and leave the things that bring you doubt right now.

(i think iv babbled enough lol)
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sister herb
07-21-2016, 02:30 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
It's the lack of certainty in believing in islam, fear of my parents' reaction (i live with them, they would kick me out), i also have doubts about some issues in islam, mostly slavery, sex with female slaves. I want to give myself time though, to know islam better, not to rush into a decision
Salam alaykum

The best way to clear your mind and get rid of doubts is study more about Islam. I know that such of matters like slavery and sex with female slaves are right now a hot topic of many discussions (because of actions of Daesh) but if you read and study more, you will find out how Islam actually teaches about these things, what is rumor or misconception and what is true.

I remember we have had here some discussions about this slavery etc, matter. Very educational ones. Please, spend some time to search this forum and you will find a lot of information and also you can increase your understanding. Maybe it helps you to find your way back to Islam.

You are welcome of course, to Islam and to forum.
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Akhi_Umar
07-21-2016, 03:03 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
It's the lack of certainty in believing in islam, fear of my parents' reaction (i live with them, they would kick me out), i also have doubts about some issues in islam, mostly slavery, sex with female slaves. I want to give myself time though, to know islam better, not to rush into a decision
With regards to Slavery:
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...41#post7120941
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lookingforgod
07-21-2016, 05:07 PM
Thank you all for replying, I'll think abput what you've all said. So much to think about. You all are so welcoming, it's wonderful.
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muslimah_B
07-21-2016, 05:44 PM
Originally Posted by lookingforgod
Thank you all for replying, I'll think abput what you've all said. So much to think about. You all are so welcoming, it's wonderful.
your welcome sis, please feel free to ask us any questions you have, please do keep up updated on your progress and if you need any help :)

wishing you all the best
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