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xa_xa786
07-24-2016, 07:22 PM
Hi All,

I am new to this forum so apologise if i'm pasting anything incorrect.

I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage and soi started seeing him (my mistake i know)

i didnt let him get too close and always asked him if he wanted marriage - he promised me he did and so i thought it was ok seeing him as i wanted to get to know him.

Anyways after a year and abit he left me and got married to someone else and didnt even apologise or give me a reason

since ive been so heartbroken and always hope that he doesnt get away with hurting me like this :(

i always pray he realises as he doesnt seem to care.

neways im very sad that my time got wasted and this happened :(

please help/guide.
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Hamza :)
07-24-2016, 08:39 PM
:sl:

My dear sister, you should be relieved that this man is no longer approaching you. It is clear that he wasn't serious, thus left you. Good riddance I must say. Allah protect our women from such men.

You can't do anything about the past, but you have all control over the present, he doesn't deserve any of your 'missing him' and you should move on. I know it is hard for you to forget him, but this might affect you in a bad way.

Busy yourself with a good hobby, or maybe talk to someone about it, that is if you trust that person.

May Allah ease your affairs :)
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xa_xa786
07-24-2016, 09:00 PM
I know, i hope hes sorry for it tho. I hope god doesnt let him get away with this
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ardianto
07-24-2016, 10:26 PM
Assalamualaikum young sister. Welcome to the forum.

Quarter century ago when I was young I lost the girl who I loved. But then Allah gave me another girl who later become the mother of my children. I really love her and happy with her, although now she has passed away.

Yes, young sister, as people say, spouse is in Allah's hand. If someone is not destined to become your spouse, then you will never marry him. But if someone is destined to become your spouse, then whatever happen, you will marry him.

So my advice is, try to accept that he is not destined to become your spouse. Release him from your heart. And make dua, wish Allah give you another man who is destined to become your spouse. In Shaa Allah, after you marry him you will be happy and your heartbroken will be cured.

:)
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greenhill
07-25-2016, 12:38 AM
Welcome to the forum.

This is one of the harder areas of life that will have to learn to deal with. Everyone should get married, hence it is natural to always be on the look out for potential partner. Only, how do we learn to control our emotions and actions?

That is the difficult part.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
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MisterK
07-25-2016, 01:01 AM
Welcome aboard. I'm new here myself, but I've found it nothing but welcoming and with many a nice member.

As for the topic, while I can't say I've been in your exact sort of situation, I have been cheated on by the one I had intended to marry. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, things didn't work out. It was unpleasant, and heart-breaking, and tough to deal with, but it was ultimately something I managed (and actually, am much better off given the way events have played out for me since). Some people who enter our lives just our meant to stay there, and it hurts when we find this out. I don't know how deep this has hurt you, but I know I find it very tempting, in moments of heartache, to lose oneself to the muck and mire of negativity, disregarding others in our lives, losing touch with friends and all that. Given that, I'd suggest trying not to dwell on what might have been, and don't forget to keep living. Feel your emotions, deal with them, but don't let them dominate you and keep you in a dark place. As much as it hurt, I found that the more I focused on the issue, the more ill-will I had for this person, and the less I recovered emotionally. Even if you can't ever forgive him, I'd say try to get to a place where, at the very least, you aren't actively wishing harm or ill-will upon him.

Maybe spend more time with friends and family, do the things you love doing, whatever it takes to move on. And of course, I'd think the more you get out, the more you socialise with those in your life, the more likely the man who will one day be your husband will be brought into your life.
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kritikvernunft
07-25-2016, 03:27 AM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage
So, what he was expected to do, was to go to your family, and make an offer.

I wonder what took him so long? What was the justification for dragging his feet? I really do not understand why marriable girls don't just tell a suitor to make his move, put his money where his mouth is, and get it over and done with? What was there to "wait" about? If he wants something, he should just do what it takes, or otherwise he should stop wasting everybody else's time, no?

I think it is the girls themselves who should be more negative, and more resolutely put a stop to situations where the man just isn't doing what is expected from him.
Don't give him the opportunity to go on and on and on about what he will be doing some day in the future. Tell him to do it now, or else move on.
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farhan
07-25-2016, 03:37 AM
:sl:

Take a read of this thread, :ia: will benefit you a lot :): http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...repairing.html
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noraina
07-25-2016, 07:58 AM
Assalamu alaykum,

Ukhti, don't dwell on this for too long. Just be grateful that this man's reality was revealed sooner rather than later, unfortunately there are many men out there who take advantage of our sisters. And always remember that Allah swt has given you a very high status as a women and this man wasn't worth being in your heart and not worth having the power to break it.

Just leave this behind you now, repent and move on, it can be hard but the past should be left where it is. InshaAllah there's someone much, much better planned for in the future, just have patience and the rewards for it will be great.

I think it's good for all sisters to keep in mind that if they are discussing with someone about marriage, get both your own and his parents involved immediately. This demand is your right and if he stalls it or keeps on making excuses it means he isn't serious. A man with honest intentions would get his parents or an elder involved straight away, and once the decision is made the nikkah should be ASAP, let there be *no* compromise on this at all.

May Allah swt make everything easy for you xxx
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xa_xa786
07-27-2016, 11:56 AM
Hi guys, thanks for all the lovely messages :) Alhumdulilah i a feeling much much better and i am trusting Allah surely what he has planned is far better than my dreams. Ameen x

However i do pray that this man also realises what he has lost and hope allah gives him hidayath so he can be a better man. Ameen
Reply

talibilm
07-27-2016, 03:08 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Hi All,

I am new to this forum so apologise if i'm pasting anything incorrect.

I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage and soi started seeing him (my mistake i know)

i didnt let him get too close and always asked him if he wanted marriage - he promised me he did and so i thought it was ok seeing him as i wanted to get to know him.

Anyways after a year and abit he left me and got married to someone else and didnt even apologise or give me a reason

since ive been so heartbroken and always hope that he doesnt get away with hurting me like this :(

i always pray he realises as he doesnt seem to care.

neways im very sad that my time got wasted and this happened :(

please help/guide.
:sl: Sister,

I do not mean to add salt on your injury but this if just a Nasiha . we get hurt when we do something against which Allah orders us.

In Islam Even if you have good intention its allowed to talk to opposite sex only for a little time (not even for weeks )and also ONLY in the PRESENCE of our elders like Aunt etc and never in solitude. Once a spouse is fixed Marriage must be done AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (hadith Salah & janaza is the other two)

We MUST AVOID to love anyone before Marriage because we do not know who is our Spouse in our Qadr so that Shaitan our enemy should not put us in trouble later. and That's why Allah has told us to avoid those things since before marriage just looking into eyes or enjoy speaking in seclusion even in phone tantamounts to Zina though of a lesser degree So Allah told use never ever to go EVEN NEAR IT in a verse of the Noble Quran.



So do taubatun nasuha & Pray Allah to relieve that burden from your heart and Inshallah Allah will bless you with a Better Spouse.
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xa_xa786
07-27-2016, 04:54 PM
I know and your are absolutely right i was stupid to trust him. Biggest mistake of my life. I hate the fact that only im bearing the consequences of this mistake. He gets away with it and isnt even sorry.
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Serinity
07-27-2016, 05:17 PM
:salam:

Be happy and think positive that he has gone. Think of every failure, as an opportunity, and time of self-reflection. The moment you accept failure, that is bad. I imagine it to be hard, when you want to be married.

But think about it. IF you married him, perhaps he'd cheat you? Be distant? someone who really wants you, would do everything in his power to get you. he'd contact your father, and play no games.

If a man comes to you and wants you to marry him, give him a paper with your father's number on it, and let him talk to your father about marriage. Don't let any man sweet talk you into marriage, tell him to contact your father, and speak.

Allahu alam.
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xa_xa786
07-27-2016, 05:21 PM
I know, i should of done that. I hope he just realises what he lost and becomes a better man. Cheating and wasting someones time like this is a horrible thing to do
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Arfa
07-27-2016, 05:58 PM
Dear sister,

It is difficult to get involved in a relationship with a man that you expected would one day marry you.Know that one day never came and he left you out in the cold must be very heartbreaking but what's more heart breaking is why you allowed such a coward man space in your life in the first place.Your time and status as a Muslim woman in this journey called life is very precious.Make sure you invest in Halal ways to reach your destination in life.May Allah ease your path and bless you.
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xa_xa786
07-27-2016, 06:05 PM
Yes, i know that. I feel as if im being blamed for his actions and he actually married someone else and living happily ever after :(
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Umm Malik
07-27-2016, 06:11 PM
Say alhamdulillah because it end like this
It might be worst ...he protect alhamdulillah you don't continue until you commit a major sin
Allah show you how this parson is so thank Allah .. he was beside you with you don't know , he was always by your side and just think if he married you and you see him every day go out to disobey Allah or you know that he is with you and your head with another ?? So thank Allah ... this girl is good for him his a test for him and he is also a test for her
So , know that Allah as he prepared for you and protect you from the bad things he will give a good husband by his way and you know ? Now you get strangue to know that not all the saying belive
And you will be able to great Muslimah .. every hardship left will be a great experience if we learn from it and considering what Allah want from us
Sister don't kill your heart and your time for any parson
Just Allah hwo diserve your heart and your time and everything else
( 162 ) Say, "Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.


( 53 ) Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."




( 133 ) And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous
( 134 ) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;
( 135 ) And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.
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xa_xa786
07-27-2016, 06:23 PM
Thansk marayam... I know its just hard seeing him with another woman and behaving like nothing wrong happened. Sad he gets away with that. Hope god makes him realise
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Snow
07-27-2016, 09:58 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Yes, i know that. I feel as if im being blamed for his actions and he actually married someone else and living happily ever after :(
Definitely do not look at it like that.
He seems to have deceived you, so you are not at fault by being trusting.
You are not to be blamed for his faults.

Just be happy that you did not end up with a bad partner.
Better luck next time.
Reply

Serinity
07-27-2016, 10:29 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Thansk marayam... I know its just hard seeing him with another woman and behaving like nothing wrong happened. Sad he gets away with that. Hope god makes him realise
Allahu alam, but don't become despondent.

I think you have a good forgiving heart. Don't let people trample over it. Nourish it, strengthen it, protect it.

Allahu alam.
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xa_xa786
07-28-2016, 09:11 PM
Hmm - do u think he will be sorry too at somepoint???
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MisterK
07-28-2016, 09:26 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Hmm - do u think he will be sorry too at somepoint???
Knowing people like that, and also knowing it probably isn't what you want to hear, I doubt he will feel sorry about it if he hasn't yet. While I know I can only go off what you've written, so based on that, his actions seem cold and calculated, he knew what he was doing, and people who do that usually don't feel remorse for their actions.

The only reason I can see him feeling any kind of remorse, or eventually feel bad in any way, is if his new relationship burns him. A case of "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." Though, honestly, given some of the sociopathic people I've known, and knowing people scorned by some I don't know, I'd wager even that is a long shot.

It is never a pleasant feeling, being hurt, especially by someone who did it intentionally and don't seem to care that you were hurt. It can be easy to harbor grudges and hope they learn their lesson, that they feel bad about their actions at some point, but holding on that sort of negativity will hold you back, hurt you more, in the long run than it ever will them. At least, that's my personal experience with it.

Trust in your faith, that in this world or the next, he will get what his actions have wrought, try and make peace with what happened, as difficult as it might be. Beyond that, I would think best thing you could do is try and let it go, and keep living life to the fullest.

Ultimately, learn from the hurt, but don't let it hold you back.

And apologies if this is an overly lengthy response to your question, or even not entirely relevant to your state of mind any longer, it was simply the response to your question that to mind.
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OmAbdullah
07-28-2016, 11:08 PM
Ala bidhikri- Allahi tatma-innul quloob. "Remember that by the remembrance of Allah hearts get peace and satisfaction"


Satan is our bad enemy. He will remind you the past again and again and will make you upset. Just start saying "laa ilha illa Allaho" repeatedly and don't give chance to Satan to remove your heart from the remembrance of Allah even for a second. Insha-Allah you will soon feel a great strength in your heart and body. Moreover, when you remember the past, at once start saying "astaghfirullah" for many times, realizing your sins and disobedience to Allah. This will give you great benefit and peace of mind while Satan will get discouraged and get away from you insha-Allah. Also you must start reading and understanding the Holy Quraan for your moral strength. Be hopeful from Allah WHO is our Kind Lord and will make your life in both worlds full of happiness. There are people (women) who get heart-broken after marriage when they see that the lawful husband is changed and has no love or sympathy with her and their children. That is really very hard. But when such a woman becomes patient with the rememberance of Allah, her heart heals quickly and she becomes able to earn for the children and do their bringing up in the best Islamic way as a single parent.
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xa_xa786
07-29-2016, 06:26 AM
I dont get upset over what i did meaning i am and always will be remorseful but for some reason i am always thinking how he is so happy after hurting me and how allah hasnt punished him :( this stuff makes me upset and i know i shudnt be thinking this i know ..
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Umm Abed
07-29-2016, 09:17 AM
Grudges will take you nowhere sister, nowhere. Besides the fact that we cannot question Allah swt, we know that there is justice by Allah swt. Leave it to Him. You carry on with your life sister. That is the best thing you can do right now.
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xa_xa786
07-29-2016, 05:07 PM
I truly beliebe Allah will do justice in sha allah .. He will be sorry for breaking my heart.
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Serinity
07-29-2016, 05:22 PM
Remember sis, we are nothing without Allah, we are nothing without Islam. We all need Allah, while Allah needs none.

Try to strengthen your connection with Allah, make friends with sisters, and keep up your 5 prayers, and recite the Qur'an. Allah will never disappoint you, so please don't disappoint yourself by doing nothing.

Take a step towards Allah, and remember Him, seek solace within Him. Humans will never satisfy you, a friendship without the consciousness and blessings of Allah, is devoid of any spiritual bliss..

What I am saying is, run towards Allah, establish a connection with Him, Allah will repair your heart. Only in the remembrance of Allah, will hearts find ease.

may Allah :swt: forgive me if I erred. Ameen.

Allahu alam.
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xa_xa786
07-29-2016, 05:39 PM
I know i mean it makes me sad that i trusted him so much to the point i took so long to cut him off and i questioned allah why he did this ;( i feel so bad may allah forgive me and may allah show him the right path and make him a better person. I will no longer worry about him i have left his doing to Allah swt.
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xa_xa786
07-29-2016, 05:39 PM
Are there any marriage duas? Also thankyou all for being so kind and advisable.
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Aaqib
07-29-2016, 07:29 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Are there any marriage duas? Also thankyou all for being so kind and advisable.
Removed
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xa_xa786
07-30-2016, 04:09 PM
Hey guys, so i just wanted to share something ( mainly get it of my chest) as your aware of my heartbrreak (from my post earlier) my younger sister is getting married before me and believe me i am super happy for her but sometimes i keep thinking if only that guy hadnt wasted my time maybe i would of been married before? Sometimes i think i would of married young if ihad done things differently. Makes me very sad :( ..... Am i being stupid? Its not fair ..... Lifes not fair.
Reply

MisterK
07-30-2016, 05:06 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Hey guys, so i just wanted to share something ( mainly get it of my chest) as your aware of my heartbrreak (from my post earlier) my younger sister is getting married before me and believe me i am super happy for her but sometimes i keep thinking if only that guy hadnt wasted my time maybe i would of been married before? Sometimes i think i would of married young if ihad done things differently. Makes me very sad :( ..... Am i being stupid? Its not fair ..... Lifes not fair.
I wouldn't call it stupid, just you being human. Most people have regrets, things they wish they hadn't done, had done, or had done differently. Just learn from it, so you don't make the same mistske again.
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xa_xa786
07-30-2016, 05:31 PM
I hate that he done that to me :( i hope allah deals with him
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M.I.A.
07-30-2016, 05:57 PM
:/

..and..last post of the day.

it may sound patronising but you should try to move on.

...spending time thinking about something so negative will only make you bitter..

and that's not really how you should want it.

at the least you should count it as experience, how not to live..

and learn to give great advice to people who don't yet know how to listen.

and those mistakes you hold onto will only seem a hindernece to those who have not yet made them..

and you hope they won't.

or do as I do and remember everytime you have been wronged.. seemingly.

remember to make a list opposite of everytime you wronged.

tread on someone's toes. tripped someone. put in a bad tackle or fouled..

form is temporary.

..and...it's a gahame of two halves? o_0

but seriously maybe you won't change and just slap people everytime a name is mentioned..

don't add to that list.. it will make you look bad.
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xa_xa786
07-30-2016, 10:12 PM
I am trying its really hard ...... Heartbreaks i guess are the worse sort of pain u can go through. Sigh
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talibilm
07-30-2016, 11:49 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
I know and your are absolutely right i was stupid to trust him. Biggest mistake of my life. I hate the fact that only im bearing the consequences of this mistake. He gets away with it and isnt even sorry.
:sl: Ukthi

Be Sure Ukthi NO ONE CAN GET AWAY with their Mistakes particulary with Huqukul Ibad or the Rights towards the Humans . If you wrong somebody you will be repaying them ANY HOW SOME WHERE , If not in this 70-80 years dunya BUR SURELY IN AKIRAT when YOU & WE will be So desperate (as given a chance in Dunya ) to give all our wealth and family when we are at the peak of our times (not during death) JUST TO expiate THOSE SINS BUT WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED.

But I 've seen those Pious people who did sabur and patient on the zhulm or injustice people did to them ALLAH TOOK REVENGE and WILL TAKE REVENGE '' AL MUNTAQIM '' ( THE AVENGER) is an ATTRIBUTE OF ALLAH ALLAH , AL JABBAR BE SURE ALLAH KEEPS BY HIS ATTRIBUTES. AND YOU WILL SEE MY WORDS COMING TRUE SOONER OR LATER, INSHALLAH If YOU ARE REALLY A MUZLOOM ( a Victim )
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Aaqib
07-31-2016, 06:50 PM
Originally Posted by Australop
I feel for you but remember do not fall in love to much because men should have more then one wife, so you will always be 1 of 4 and not 1 of 1.
What are you talking about?
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xa_xa786
07-31-2016, 06:56 PM
Lol i was going to ask him the same aaqib
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najimuddin
07-31-2016, 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by Australop
I feel for you but remember do not fall in love to much because men should have more then one wife, so you will always be 1 of 4 and not 1 of 1.
Yes. What are you talking about?
Reply

MisterK
07-31-2016, 07:10 PM
Originally Posted by najimuddin
Yes. What are you talking about?
Looking at Australop's posts across the board, my guess is troll.
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xa_xa786
07-31-2016, 09:23 PM
This isnt the right place to post this but i dont know how to create a new post and how do i become a full memeber?... Im really liking this forum lol
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MisterK
07-31-2016, 09:40 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
This isnt the right place to post this but i dont know how to create a new post and how do i become a full memeber?... Im really liking this forum lol
I think you just have to make 25 posts to move up to Full Member status.
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Eric H
07-31-2016, 10:39 PM
greetings and peace be with you xa_xa, and welcome to the forum,

I hate that he done that to me :( i hope allah deals with him
Hate what he has done to you, but try not to hate him, it will only make you feel bitter, and this eat away inside of you. The only way to find real peace for yourself, is to try and forgive him, pray that Allah will also forgive him too, even if he does not seem remorseful, it is still better to forgive.

We all need to be forgiven for our sins against Allah, your sin in going out with him in the first place may not be as bad, but like all of us, we need to ask forgiveness. If you can pray for his forgiveness, then it will be easier for you to understand how Allah can forgive you, and more so, for those who are repentant.

I am only 67, and I have learned that time is a great healer.

Blessings

Eric
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Umm Abed
08-01-2016, 09:42 AM
To add to what Eric H has said, sister, if we only knew how much sins we ourselves have committed against Allah SWT, we would dread His punishment, in other words, we all have sinned and dearly needs His mercy and forgiveness, so it is always better to forgive, let go and move on with life, while trying to improve ourselves all the way.
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xa_xa786
08-01-2016, 08:37 PM
Hi all, im posting under this thread as i cnt work out how to create a new thread using the mobile app.

This is different from the heartbroken post! I am now a little bit stressd out about getting married... Since my younger sis is marrying i have aunties pressurising me to hurry up and find someone ( its like they want me to pull someone out from thin air)

I dont have a mum ( she past away when i was younger whom can worry about getting me married off) and i tried myself (again as u can see from the heartbroken post) and i failed.

Im feeling very hopless now ;(
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Neha Qadri
08-03-2016, 06:32 PM
Jazak Allah Khair Brother
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xa_xa786
08-07-2016, 10:13 PM
Hi all, i was doing so well over the past few days trying to forget the past and move on but then i saw the man i wanted to marry with someone else married and very happy.

It made me uoset thinking i wasted 2 years if mine and hes not even bothered about what he did.

Sometime i think why did allah do this? Allah is so fair they why this injustice for me ;(
Reply

Aaqib
08-07-2016, 10:19 PM
Originally Posted by xa_xa786
Allah is so fair they why this injustice for me ;(
Don't say that sister, this is the Shaytan winning you. You don't want the Shaytan winning you over, don't let him win you over.
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Regrets1
08-07-2016, 10:39 PM
Dear sis his happiness and your sadness are both a test from Allah swt. Everything happens for a reason and happens for good, we just need to find and see that good in everything bad and in every pain.

"You may not like something which in fact is good for you, and you may like something which is actually bad for you. "Allah knows and you do not know"

May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen. x
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xa_xa786
08-07-2016, 10:44 PM
@ regrets1 ... I think heartbreak like this is probs the worst thing you can go through but the swiftes way to get closer to allah. Im happy that im praying and close to Allah but i dont know i have alot of hatred in my heart for this man (not good i know)

I just hope Allah makes him pay for his wrong too
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Eric H
08-08-2016, 07:03 AM
Greetings and peace be with you xa_xa,

I think heartbreak like this is probs the worst thing you can go through but the swiftes way to get closer to allah.
To have your heart broken is terrible, it will either make you angry and destroy you over the next fifty years of your life, or you find ways to let go.

i have alot of hatred in my heart for this man (not good i know)
People have the right to be angry, but it is how you deal with your anger that will help you ease the pain in life.

I listened to Glen tell his story, he had been signed up to play football with Leighton Orient, alongside David Beckham. He had an exciting life ahead of him, but he was stabbed in the back shortly after, he has now been paralysed from the waist down for the last 27 years. They caught the man who did this, he served four years in prison, he was then able to walk out of prison on his own two feet, and justice had been served.

By this time, Glen had learned to drive a disabled taxi, he learned where his assailant lived, and then stalked him with the intention of running him over. Glen said at that point he came to understand that true justice could not happen. Justice is not that two people should be crippled, rather, it is that neither of them should be crippled. He knew this could never happen, he came to understand that he had to let go of his hatred. If not, he would become worse than his assailant, because his actions would be premeditated.

He said he had to live with two diseases, being crippled, and the greater disease was the hate burning away inside him. Forgiveness and letting go of the hatred was a gradual process, his wheelchair has been a daily reminder of his past anger.

I just hope Allah makes him pay for his wrong too

After we heard Glen's story in Manchester Cathedral, he was with us when we were asked to say a blessing and we were to keep in mind all the people that had hurt us, and who we had to forgive as we recited the words below..

Now may the peace of the Lord be with you, be with you

May the Lord bless you
May the Lord keep you
And may God's face shine upon you always
And give you peace

In the spirit of striving to forgive

Eric
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