My husband called me a w**** and I left the house

[anonymous]

AssalamuAlaykum

today I had an argument with my husband and he called me a w**** as in prostitute. I'm chaste, never been with anyone or had any relationship in my life. He knows very well that I'm modest and don't interact with men and he married me for this reason. He was angry during the argument and called me that.

i left the house and thinking of divorce. Because slandering a chaste woman is a major sin and I feel deeply hurt and wounded by getting called that. Why call me that out of all words? I'm not getting back to him and staying at a friends house and call my father to pack up my belongings from the house. I want advice on how to feel better.

[Serinity]

Wa alaikum salam, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I assume that he was just angry and in a fit of anger, people may say stuff they regret.

What I'd do is take a private talk to him, and explain to him that what he said affected and offended you greatly. I know you are perhaps angry at the fact he called you that. It is normal, but don't jump to conclusions.

Try to talk with him, and tell him.

Allahu alam.

[Alpha Dude]

Why call me that out of all words?

Given the fact that he married you for your chastity, it is very unlikely that he views you to be what he said.

In reality, he has an anger management problem and in his anger has said words that he doesn't mean, words that he knows would have an effect on you.

[anonymous]

Being angry is not an excuse because he's been angry before with me many times and never went this far. When he called me that word, I immediately lost all my respect and love for him. I feel wounded and I have self respect for myself, so I left. How can a husband say that to his wife?

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[Alpha Dude]

How old are you both and how long have you been married?

I'm not excusing his behavior but I would suggest, if he is otherwise a good individual - which only you can judge - AND if he feels remorseful and regrets what he said, that you don't immediately jump toward divorce. It may be in your long term interest to make it work.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Sis , don't take decision when you are upset. Give yourself and him some time to calm down.

May Allah bless your marriage.

[anonymous]

I'm 28 and he's 31 years. We've been married for 4 years so far. He's got many good qualities but I find him hot tempered and don't like his foul mouth. He screams at me at times if I make a mistake and I feel so upset. I got called a dog by him before many times and sometimes when I make a mistake he'll tell me I'm a loser who's good at nothing. I tried being patient and overlooking these faults of his. So him calling me a w**** makes me think of what's the point of staying with a husband who doesn't respect me.

[owais707]

You just calm down and take some time and then make a decision. Never ever make a decision when you are emotional. And also give him some time to realise what he said.

[M.I.A.]

when I first got married I shouted at my wife.. I couldn't find her after..

so I ran outside to look for her.. she must have been pretty quick so I went back inside.

found her hiding behind a door.

8 years later she wins all the conversations.. men are lost causes.

I don't know what it takes to stay the course.

to remove bad habits or at least minimise them.. and follow success.

the change our twisted world views, skewed perspectives and escape the hell we create for ourselves..

to find anchors to remind ourselves of who we are.. and ultimately when push comes to shove.

to lose gracefully to the people we care about.. and stay on the same page.

...because you had too many normal replies.

[iServant]

Being angry is not an excuse because he's been angry before with me many times and never went this far. When he called me that word, I immediately lost all my respect and love for him. I feel wounded and I have self respect for myself, so I left. How can a husband say that to his wife?

Sister, there is no excuse for it as you stated but in a fit of anger it can happen before he even realises what he's said. I've said some terrible things which I didn't mean in the past and been absolutely shocked immediately after that those words came out of mouth. Often it's words I've heard others say before and I've repeated unknowingly.

I don't know your situation but if he truly loves you and respects you I would say he's feeling deep regret for what he's done. Talk to him and let him know how it made you feel and see his reaction.

[KIP]

I'd agree with the other posters if this was a single incident, but you say he has insulted you and demoralised you for years. He doesn't seem to want to change. I would seriously consider the matter. Divorce may be the better option, especially before you have children, then you may feel the need to stay.

[greenhill]

Divorce is the less favoured road. But it is still an option, the less preferred option.

If you do not want to see or speak to him then write to him and say that for someone who is supposed to protect you, he is a foul mouth scum! And you really do not want to be with him if he is going to be like that, insulting and disrespectful.

Maybe it will make him think.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with him.


:peace:

[Txyib]

Salam.
I undestand that him calling you such a vile word is not accepted under no circumstance! Especially if you've kept the quality of chastity throughout your life , I can understand your pain. However , as many individuals on here are saying , if he's said it as a one off and him marrying you for that quality of chastity , you should understand that he didn't mean it and it may have just "slipped out". Men usually say anything in an argument and do not realise that the natural disposition of women is closely linked in them being emotionally more effected than us men. As I've mentioned , him calling you that word is not accepted!
my solution would be you should either sit down with him or call him. Highlight this issue and explain how it's affected you so he realises the impact of his words. If he has a foul mouth , raise this issue and Insha Allah , the two of you can resolve this issue and live happily. Marriage is a beautiful thing which should be cherished and he should remember that alongside the reason why he married you! Please. Raise the issue and Insha Allah , the two can out this behind you.
Wasalam Alaikum

[sister herb]

sometimes when I make a mistake he'll tell me I'm a loser who's good at nothing.

This sounds as the mental abuse or violence against you. You have to react against kind of violence (it´s not any less harmful to you than the physical violence might be) as years after years his abusive words will weaken your self-esteem and self-confidence. If he won´t understand that his behaving is similar as violence and if he refuses to seek cure to his bad behaving, you might be happier without him.