A question regarding giving dawah to women, an ex-girlfriend to be exact

[anonymous]

Assalam aleykum

I was raised a muslim, became a closet-atheist for a year, and became a muslim again.

During the time I was an atheist, I was secretly dating a girl online. We had finally met up one day, and during that day, we decided to break up because she was moving very far away.

After we broke up, I told her to stop texting me for a while so I could "get over" her. During this time, I became a muslim again. And finally, today, after she suddenly moved back, she decided to text me.

She wanted to meet up again and restore a friendship, I stopped her right there and said I didn't want to be friends with women. She went further as to try and seduce me, making me think I could get more out of her than just friendship, and then I finally dropped the truth to her about me being religious now, and not being allowed to have a relationship with her, or have sex before marriage, or marry her if she's not a muslim. The conversation then slowly turned into a direction in which she implied I could possibly convert her and that she's interested in religion. Even though she expressed distaste for religion in general.

And this is where I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. It's bad for me to continue talking to her, past feelings will surface eventually, I realize this. But how can I turn down someone when I could possibly contribute to saving them from hellfire? Is it recommended to still give dawah in this situation, or even possible to give her dawah (on a regular basis or not) without commiting sin? Is there any way besides: "here, read this and watch that"? If not, I will stop talking to her immediately insha'Allah.

I have motivated her in the past to change lazy behaviours but I honestly have low hopes for her becoming muslim, but only Allah knows.

Thanks in advance.

[Little_Lion]

I may be a poor person to respond to this, as I remained married to a non-Muslim man after reverting, but I understand completely your desire to save this person. Myself, I would recommend that you ask her to join this site, but tell her that you will remain anonymous on it to her so that neither of you are tempted to chat inappropriately. This will give her a chance to interact safely with other Muslims, ask questions, and receive answers if she is actually serious about converting. I would also recommend that you tell her that if she seriously wants to revert, she should know what she is reverting to. This site: http://www.al-mawrid.org/index.php/courses , under the "Al-Islam Basic Level" heading, provides an excellent "crash course" in Islam: an English translation of the Qur'an, a collection of hadith, and a book outlining the basics of Islam (although I know the author and his "basics" can get QUITE complex, Masha'Allah! :) ) . It is all free and available in PDF format so she won't need a Kindle or any specific reading equipment. If she completes the reading for the course, and comes here and learns from other Muslims of all walks, she will no doubt then understand why you cannot talk to her as you did in the past, and insha'Allah she and you can find a halal way of continuing your communication.

But let me ask you a serious question: as you are considering taking up a halal relationship with this woman again, is she someone you would ever consider marrying? Because if not, really all of the above is moot.

[anonymous]

But let me ask you a serious question: as you are considering taking up a halal relationship with this woman again, is she someone you would ever consider marrying? Because if not, really all of the above is moot.

I can't say for sure but for now I would rather not. Not that I wouldn't want her myself, but for cultural purposes and ease of communication with my family. I'm not a cultural or nationalist man by any means, but my parents are and as the only son in the family, I'll be taking care of my parents for a long time and my wife needs to be there with me. I'd prefer to marry someone of my own culture.

In the best case scenario that she converts, I'm still afraid that it will be for my sake, and not for Allah's. I've heard stories of women converting to Islam because of their muslim boyfriends/husbands and then leaving Islam after break-up.

Can I ask you a question: can you describe the process of you reverting? Like where did it start, what motivated you, etc.

[mohibullahsail]

I will pray for ur good life

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[Regrets1]

Walaikum Asalaam

When you were an atheist you got yourself in haram relationship..Allah swt loves you so much that he made that girl go away which made you come back to Islam Alhamdulillah.

Brother now that you are learning more about deen you should know everything is a test, this girl coming back is a test for you, avoid her (change your number and stop thinking about her)

Like you said "past feelings will surface eventually" you know the wrongs and rights and know what might end up happening..You said you won't be getting married to her so I think you should stop talking to her.

I know you want to help her but you don't have to do it all by yourself, tell her to speak to some sisters or attend a mosque and get help, she will make an effort if she's really serious about Islam and isn't just talking about it to make you happy and get you back (trick of shaitan) At the moment you should focus on yourself focus on getting closer to Allah..

want to help her?? Best you can do is "post" her a copy of Quran (English translation) don't meet and give it her personally (by doing this you won't feel guilty of not being there for in her journey of finding the true religion) if she's serious she will surely read the Quran, Allah swt will guide her and shel revert.
Your not turning her down brother, youl be saving your imaan Allah knows your intentions so you won't be punished..

Giving dawah without committing sin?? Brother don't risk it please..pass this test by not talking to her at all.

[Umm Malik]

The only thing you can do is to ask Allah to guide her ...
and allah will put in her life proofs and people who will help her if she want the guidence from her heart
But save your self ... allah want to be closer ... don't make yourself far
This is a test ... and be the winner

[anonymous]

I will pray for ur good life

Jazakallahu khairun :)

I know you want to help her but you don't have to do it all by yourself, tell her to speak to some sisters or attend a mosque and get help, she will make an effort if she's really serious about Islam and isn't just talking about it to make you happy and get you back (trick of shaitan) At the moment you should focus on yourself focus on getting closer to Allah..

I like this advice very much. She lives in Germany and goes off to the UK... there should be plenty of sisters and mosques in both places.

The only thing you can do is to ask Allah to guide her ...

I will do just that insha'Allah.

Thanks to all of you for your advice.

[Little_Lion]

Can I ask you a question: can you describe the process of you reverting? Like where did it start, what motivated you, etc.

I started off studying Islam purely for the sake of knowledge. My husband (at the time, he has since passed away) and I were going to college and both wanted to work in the Middle East when we were done. My husband was much more into technical studies, so he left the learning of the culture to me. I began studying Islam so I would understand the faith and Shari'ia, and the more I studied the more I realized that this was the Truth and that I wanted to revert.

You can read the full sad story of my reversion here: http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...nd-lesson.html

[anonymous]

The only thing you can do is to ask Allah to guide her ...

Is it ok if I ask Allah just once, and leave it at that? If I keep bringing her up during every prayer, I will never forget about her, and I'm afraid of this.

[Umm Malik]

Is it ok if I ask Allah just once, and leave it at that? If I keep bringing her up during every prayer, I will never forget about her, and I'm afraid of this.

Yes ... inshallah, we will keep her in our douae

[anonymous]

Yes ... inshallah, we will keep her in our douae

Jazakallahu khairun