format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
Hi everyone,
I know that according to a Hadith, an unmarried woman needs consent and permission to marry from her guardian or parents. Whereas, a divorced or widow can inform of her choice of marriage partner to her guardian or parents but she doesnot necessarily need there permission.
Issue facing here is my father constantly refuses every proposal I have been getting after divorce, even before my divorce he had issues. After a lot of time and proposals I found this man whom I feel happy and introduced him to my parents. My mother approves him but my father is lingering on the nikkah saying let me check so and so, just baseless reasons. My father is a man of rash temperament and verbally abusive as well. I just pray to be peacefully married but my father is creating issues again. Please can you tell what right way there could be in this for marriage and harmony?
Asalaamualaykum:
Dear Sister in Islam:
Shaytaan is an illusive, cunning enemy. One of the main mechanisms of Shaytaan is to create disunity in family. When you multiply that by numerous families it eventually leads to the breakdown of harmony in Islamic civil society thereby multiplying his Fitna to unimaginable magnitudes.
I humbly ask you to please consider the following parable:
Whenever we apply for a job, hoping for an interview, and that job interview gets rejected. We don't even get granted an interview - we commonly say as muslims that it was Qadr. The job wasn't meant for us. Some muslims say this as a defence mechanism to avoid heartbreak - and others actually mean it.
Whichever way it pans out - we never do contact the company to request to meet the person who rejected the application. We just accept it as Qadr.
Taking note of the above - As muslims we believe in the Sifaath of Allah SWT, that he is the ultimate controller, planner, All wise, The most Just Etc. Whatever happens occurs only through his permission and allowance.
In your case - the frustration creeps in only because your father rejects this mans possible proposal. Because this is evident to you - you have an actual entity to blame for that choice but in reality, your father is NOT the last and ultimate decider - it is Allah SWT.
Shaytaan is misleading you to believe that this proposal should have happened but it is your father that is stopping it. In reality you have no proof that your father not being there, that this nikah will 100% definitely took place.
So in other words Shaytaan has shifted the Sifaath of Allah SWT from Allah SWT to your father. This is Shaytaans ULTIMATE DEPECTION. He then influences you to believe that your father is the ultimate decider when in reality he is not.
This is a common problem with many muslims understanding. Even if your father says yes to this boy, Can you guarantee this Nikah will definitely go ahead ? If Allah SWT wants he can take your life or the boys life before that nikah !! If Allah SWT wants he has a million options for that Nikah not to take place.
In simple words - Allah SWT is the ultimate controller. You said that your father is verbally abusive - You have no idea that Allah SWT is even probably saving this man from a future Abusive father-in-law !!!!
Bottom line is whether you father agrees or not - Allah SWT is the ultimate controller. Shaytaan will lead you astray into building bad, sour feelings towards your father.
Maulana Khatani from South Africa said " Recity your relationship with Allah SWT, and Allah SWT will rectify your relationship with his entire creation"