Questions on marriage

[wkostuk]

So I plan to convert to Islam very soon. But I have been in a relationship for the past four years. I now know that there should be dating outside of marriage. But me and my boyfriend, after being together so long, have already decided on marriage. We plan on getting married before the end of the year. But originally i was planning on converting within the next couple of months. What would be the best way to go about this. If i convert soon, should we break up? I am very confused in how to go about this, any answers will help. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

Dear sis, I know how much we as girls weave dreams of love and marriage with a partner who loves us and accepts us; therefore, I can understand that this relationship means something to you because you've been a relationship for four years; yes, my sister, there is no premarital dating in Islam, and in fact abstinence is encouraged as means of sharing our bodies only with the one who is willing to honor us with commitment in marriage.

I think the best way to go about this is honestly converse with your boyfriend about how you came to be interested in Islam and why you're considering converting and how you'd like to invite him to join you to this beautiful way of life. Inform him that Islam does not allow for marriage between an unbelieving man and a believing woman.

Sis, if you don't mind me asking, sis, how is that your boyfriend doesn't know about your interest in converting to Islam? Do you really want to marry him or do you just think that is the natural progression of a relationship that has sustained itself for four years?

The reason I ask the first question is because it speaks to the closeness or lack thereof in terms of intimate communication so that he'd know your heart is changing/has changed. And the reason I ask the second question is because you should never marry a man because he's been in your life for a certain amount of years and you should only marry a man if you're genuinely sincere towards him and you feel too he is sincere towards you. Do you think he's the man who will be a true and beautiful and faithful companion with which to journey on the Straight Path? That's the question you have to answer in your heart before you consider your next step.

Yes, sister, if you convert sooner, you should ideally break up with him; and if you are concerned about his heart, you should be honest with him about why you're breaking up with him and let him know what's changed in your life. If you decide to convert sooner, tell him that if he loves you truly, he'll be willing to look into Islam and maintain a policy of "no contact" and tell him that he knows where to find you to propose to you when he wants to do so as a proper Muslim man, otherwise you cannot out of respect for yourself and him ever be in a relationship because you have to be true to yourself for both your sake.

Our beautiful convert sister, Little_Lion, had a similar dilemma to you and here's her story and the lesson from the story is hopefully one we'll all be able to heed as Muslims who know that Allah should be prioritized above our feelings for a man, and I urge you to read her story because hopefully that story will act as a guiding force on what you should do and also energize with you with the willpower to be strong as a woman: The Non-Muslim Husband: A Lesson.

Take care, my beautiful sis; and realize that Allah is with you and draw your strength from Allah and ask Allah to make things of concern to you easy for you. We're all struggling to keep walking on the Straight Path, and we should be careful lest we fall and then regret our error. This life is temporary; but hereafter is lasting and eternal. We must always keep in mind the latter because our decisions in this life impact the latter.

Wishing you strength, patience, and perseverance,

So I plan to convert to Islam very soon. But I have been in a relationship for the past four years. I now know that there should be dating outside of marriage. But me and my boyfriend, after being together so long, have already decided on marriage. We plan on getting married before the end of the year. But originally i was planning on converting within the next couple of months. What would be the best way to go about this. If i convert soon, should we break up? I am very confused in how to go about this, any answers will help. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

[Muslim Woman]

Hello Sis,

Glad to know you want to embrace Islam.

Having an affair outside marriage is a sin but to die as a non believer is the more major sin. So , don't delay to be a Muslim if you are sure that Islam is the truth.

If he is a Muslim , try to get married asap. May be on the same day you convert .

[Umm Abed]

Is he willing to accept Islam along with you?

Marriage with a non-muslim will not be valid.

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[Reminder]

Is he willing to accept Islam along with you?

Marriage with a non-muslim will not be valid.

It is permissible to marry Christians and Jews in Islam.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

It is permissible to marry Christians and Jews in Islam.

Permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman (albeit inadvisable); not vice-versa (Muslim woman can't marry a Christian or Jewish man).

والله أعلم

[Little_Lion]

It is permissible to marry Christians and Jews in Islam.

It is permissible for men to marry women of the Book (Jews and Christians). It is not permissible for Muslim women to marry a Christian or Jewish husband.

Salaam aleikum, sister. :) My story was already linked by sister Search, so I will not link it again. But please take my advice . . . if you are thinking of converting to Islam, first of all, do it. We never know when our last day on Earth will be and you'll want to convert before that happens.

Second, there are no boyfriends in Islam. We simply do not hang around with members of the opposite sex like they do in other faiths. How you handle this is up to you - break up with him, get married immediately, find Islamic ways to converse with him before your marriage, that is your choice.

But remember this: a Muslim woman should only marry a Muslim man. Is he willing to convert? And the big question is, is he willing to convert for the sake of Allah and not just for your sake? Will he be a good Muslim husband? It can be very difficult for a non-Muslim or a weak Muslim to live with a practicing Muslim. You can see this in something as simple as prayer times, that dictate you wake up before sunrise and pray during dinner time and when many believe the best shows are on TV.

I think you have a lot of questions to ask of him. We will stand by you through the answers, insha'Allah.

[Regrets1]

@Reminder ..Only a male (Muslim) is allowed to marry Jews and Christians (it is recommended they marry Muslim women especially in this day and age). A Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man.

@wkostuk MashAllah that's good to hear..I say accept Islam ASAP don't delay, tomorrow is not guaranteed.
As sister Muslim woman said if he's a Muslim then get married to him..if he's not then have you spoke to him about Islam? Is he interested in it? If yes then convert together and get married and if he's not interested then youl have to end things but at the moment I think you should focus on accepting Islam first.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Very good advice from the Akhawaat (sisters) in this thread.

[Umm Abed]

:sl:

While not advisable, will the same rule apply to non-practising Christian or Jewish women too, i.e. can a muslim man marry such women? Huzaifah ibn Adam.

:jz:

[wkostuk]

Thank you all for your response. It has helped me a lot, and put my mind at peace ❤

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

:sl:

While not advisable, will the same rule apply to non-practising Christian or Jewish women too, i.e. can a muslim man marry such women? Huzaifah ibn Adam.

:jz:

Yes, sister. It would still be permissible. Allaah Ta`aalaa says in the Qur'aan:

الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ وَمَنْ يَكْفُرْ بِالْإِيمَانِ فَقَدْ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ وَهُوَ فِي الْآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ

"Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, etc., milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits, etc.). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals, etc.) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (dowry), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith [i.e. His (Allah's), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers." [Soorah al-Maa'idah, 5:5]

[Umm Abed]

The Qur'an mentions 'chaste women from the Jews and Christians and the animals slaughtered by them', that clearly shows only if they are practising would they follow such commands, which are not really found in many such people of today. Christians eat non-halal meat as we see today. Please clarify, sheikh.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

This is actually a hotly debated topic between the `Ulamaa of Deoband and the `Ulamaa of the Salafis. Certain Deobandi `Ulamaa, like Maulana A.S. Desai (Majlisul Ulama of South Africa), say that it is not permissible to marry the Ahle-Kitaab (People of the Book, Jews and Christians) of today because they are no longer following the dictates of their religion. Furthermore, many of them are only claimants to Christianity; they aren't even really Christians. They're more towards the Agnostic side.

The Salafi `Ulamaa, on the other hand, say, "The Aayah of the Qur'aan says that it is permissible to marry Ahle-Kitaab women, so it is permissible, regardless of what they do. They explain "chaste women of the people of the book" as "women who do not have boyfriends".

There is a Lot of Ikhtilaaf (difference of opinions) on this issue among the `Ulamaa.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Maulana A.S. Desai (Mujsliul Ulama of South Africa) wrote a treatise on this issue, which can be found here:

http://www.themajlis.co.za/books/Mar...taab_Eread.pdf

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Mufti Ebrahim Desai's Fatwaa on marriage to Ahle-Kitaab women:

http://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/29422

http://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/29356

[Reminder]

Thank you for the reminder.

I am only 3 years convert so I sometimes forget stuff. :)

Anyway, you can only marry a Muslim man!

[Umm Abed]

On a logical point of view, potential marriages will be viewed on a case to case bases, so if these women do not meet the criteria of People of the Book then that is certainly questionable.

Furthermore, animals that are not slaughtered in the name of Allah is then haraam. If ever a man marries a non-practising Christian or Jew woman that wouldnt make their haraam meat automatically as halal. Islam will be dominant in the marriage and home.

I think ulama must come to some consensus regarding this issue.

:jz:

[aaj]

To add to what has been said on this. There's a few things to be considered regarding the people of the book in terms of marrying them and eating their meat.

Some scholars have that said that Muslim women have more right to the Muslim husband, especially in the west where it is already hard for the Muslim woman to find a Muslim husband. The needs of the community comes first, the right of the Muslim women comes first. If there are enough Muslim men in the community for the sisters to find a partner to marry then the others can marry from people of the book.

Regarding marrying people of the book, something to keep in mind...

It is permissible to marry a woman from the People of the Book. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste [muhsan] women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time”

[al-Maa’idah 5:5]


Although we say that it is permissible, and we do not doubt that there is a clear text concerning that, nevertheless we do not think that a Muslim should marry a kitaabi woman (a woman of the people of the Book), for several reasons:

1 – One of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman is that she should be chaste, but there are very few chaste women to be found in those environments.

2 – One of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman is that the Muslim man should be in charge of the family. But what happens nowadays in that those who marry women from kaafir countries marry them under their laws, and there is a great deal of injustice in their systems. They do not recognize a Muslim’s authority over his wife and children, and if the wife gets angry with her husband she will destroy his household and take the children away, with the support of the laws of her land and with the help of their embassies in most countries. It is no secret that the Muslim countries have no power to resist the pressure of those countries and their embassies.

3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged us to look for Muslim wives who are religiously committed. If a woman is Muslim but is not religiously committed and of good character, then the Muslim is not encouraged to marry her, because marriage is not simply the matter of physical enjoyment only, rather it is the matter of Allaah’s rights and the spouse’s rights, and preserving his household, his honour and his wealth, and bringing up his children. How can a man who marries a kitaabi woman be certain that his sons and daughters will be raised according to Islam when he is leaving them in the hands of this mother who does not believe in Allaah and associates others with Him?

Hence even though we say that it is permissible to marry a kitaabi woman, it is not encouraged and we do not advise it, because of the negative consequences that result from that. The wise Muslim should choose the best woman to bear his children and think in the long term about his children and their religious upbringing. He should not let his desire or worldly interests or transient outward beauty blind him to reality; true beauty is the beauty of religious commitment and good morals.

https://islamqa.info/en/45645

Regarding eating the meat. In general it is allowed to eat meat from them. However, we live in mass production society with multi-religious affiliations. Therefore, we do not know how the meat is being slaughtered in the slaughter houses (strangulation, electric shock, knife, etc); and who it is being slaughtered by (people of the book, atheist, agnostic, etc). So more caution and care should be given in this regard.

If the region where the meat mentioned is found has only People of the Book, namely Jews and Christians, then their meat is halaal, even if it is not known how they slaughtered it, because the basic principle is that meat slaughtered by them is halaal.

If there are other kaafirs in the region, then do not eat it, because that means there is doubt as to whether it is halaal or haraam. Similarly if you know that those who sell these meats slaughter the animals in a way that is different from the shar’i method, such as strangling or electric shock, then do not eat it, whether the one who slaughtered it is a Muslim or a kaafir.

https://islamqa.info/en/127959

[naveedsubhani]

Marriage to non Muslim is not valid until he or she embrace Islam.

[naveedsubhani]

Muslims and Non Muslims can not marry to eachother.

[greenhill]

I just read the thread. On the OP it would make sense if your boyfriend is a muslim, hence why you want to convert?

Don't need to break up. Just stay away from each other. It is not too long. Spend the time learning more about islam, perhaps.


:peace:

[wkostuk]

He said that he wants to convert as well. How would we go about this? Converting then getting married right after?

[Regrets1]

MashAllah that's a good news :D do u know any Muslims? Is there a Masjid/mosque near you?? Get in touch with them take shahada and do nikah on the same day :D

[wkostuk]

A good friend of mine is muslim, and has helped me greatly through all of this. She has given me her own Quran, many pamphlets, and has sat down and talked with for over 8 hours in one sitting. She said once I am ready she will get me in touch with a local imam.

[wkostuk]

Also I have a question. If we do nikah, do I still need to register my marriage with the state ?

[Regrets1]

Your lucky to have a friend like her MashAllah. May Allah swt reward her, Ameen.

Nope..it's not must, it's your choice if you wanna. Youl be halal for each other after nikah even without registering it. (youl be single or in a relationship but not married in the eyes of law if you don't register)