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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 12:30 PM
What would you do?
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kritikvernunft
08-23-2016, 01:20 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
What would you do?
It depends how far it went. If it was just platonic, you may try to find out how she sees things. If she went further than that, you may want to cancel the engagement. In those circumstances, I cannot recommend that you would marry her.
Reply

Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-23-2016, 02:43 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
What would you do?
Cancel the engagement, find another girl who doesn't have a boyfriend, marry her.

If she has a boyfriend, that obviously means she doesn't love you (whoever it is whose fiance has a boyfriend). Don't marry a woman who doesn't want to marry you (or love you). Not worth it. Rather find one who does and marry her.
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aaj
08-23-2016, 03:30 PM
First confirm if there is a misunderstanding or if it is true. If it is true then try to find the reason behind such disloyalty. If there's no loyalty at this point, what more can you expect after marriage. Otherwise it would be best not to pursue such a woman. Islam commands us to marry chaste upright morally good partner.
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 04:14 PM
It is beyond a doubt for me at this point to be honest.
Reply

Scimitar
08-23-2016, 04:21 PM
im fine btw - this isn't the first time it's happened with someone who claimed I was fantastic and all that jazz ... Not even the second or third time... Wearing hijab and all that don't mean anything to some women. They are too far gone and pretend to be that which they are not.

-and when you find out - saddening as it is that you invested hope into her, only to have the same happen as all the other times you tried, you wonder if you are inadequate or something.

this is all very strange and alien behaviours for me to experience but I keep seeing it happen to me. I begin to question my own worth when stuff like this happens... And I don't appreciate the feeling of rejection because there's another dude in the mix after all the efforts and time I put into trying to make something from nothing the halal way...

pardon my rant - stuff got real fast in my life and now it's damage control time ...

She's got a lot of explaining to do but I don't wanna hear it now, it's far gone and evidenced by more than just me.

Keep me in your dua

Scimi
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anatolian
08-23-2016, 04:22 PM
I am so sorry for your position. However, things can be very confusing sometimes. I would simply ask what she wants. You musnt be sure of that %100 unless she tells what is going on directly..
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 04:28 PM
Im not gonna air the story here for all to see - but I don't wanna establish anymore proof than I have already because I feel sick even thinking about it.

its over - that's all there is to it

except I'm done trying to find a wife now, I just don't wanna experience this anymore

Scimi
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noraina
08-23-2016, 04:37 PM
May Allah swt make everything easy for you,

No-one knows the situation better than you do, but if you are so certain, it is better to just break the engagement off than be suspicious or uncertain of her all the time. But don't lose hope on marriage bro, inshaAllah you'll definitely find a pious, sincere wife if it is written for you, we'll make dua.
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anatolian
08-23-2016, 04:48 PM
I coulnt find my friend of life also. It is only Allah's will. Tawakkul is the solution.
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Umm Abed
08-23-2016, 04:49 PM
Salam.

Rather than feeling inadequate considers yourself fortunate to discover this happenings in time. You got saved from so much later trouble on.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-23-2016, 05:27 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
Im not gonna air the story here for all to see - but I don't wanna establish anymore proof than I have already because I feel sick even thinking about it.

its over - that's all there is to it

except I'm done trying to find a wife now, I just don't wanna experience this anymore

Scimi
Apparently, there are 3.52 billion women in the world.

Don't give up. You'll find a different woman to marry.
Reply

*patient-light*
08-23-2016, 08:20 PM
Asalamcalaykum my dear brother

You are going through extreme pain at this moment and things seem gloomy and dull.Someone you trusted and wanted to spend the rest of life apparently has a boyfriend "such what a deception" . You know every day as a grow up I am reminded to never trust human beings ,they will always break your heart.Don't give your heart out to human beings for we are weak fragile beings who are clueless .With your eyes you must your are alone in this world , You only have Allah . Even your family will leave you one day , your friends and spouses.

I can’t fathom the extreme pain you are going through.It also seems that this has happened to you before . You can cry akhi, get depressed ,punch a wall or even get revenge .Its all human instinct but once you calm down and think logically you will understand that this is a test from Allah.
Allah in one second can give you the most, righteous , beautiful and obedient woman to have ever existed.
You mentioned that it happened to you few times , why?Now you can assume its a pusnishement from Allah or you can assume that you are not worthy .But what i think is , that Allah is testing you with something that will bring you closer to Him.Wallahi with every hardship comes ease . Everytime i am tested if i remain patient and complain to Allah i get an immediate response of relief .

It's all about having a certain perspective of life . Life is a test and everything is a test for you, including the individuals you interect with . You will be tested , and it will hurt.
You will be tired and worn from the of storm..so pull yourself from the sea and Ask Allah to bring you safely on the dry land.

Deal with the pain of by getting closer to Allah and surround yourself with the believers and your friends. Dont let shaytan deceive and convince to isolate yourself. Akhi whenever you go through a test you should remind your self that the trial could have been worse (she could have been your wife ), the trial is in this world and not the hereafter and that the test is with the dunya and it is not corncering your eman (you could have been tested with your belief and what is more evil than becoming a kaffir.)
,
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,” 2:55

“Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return." 2:56

“Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.”2:57

The best

How can you deal with your pain ?
Whenever you come across a test , try to say alhamdullilah for your test could have been worse. Secondly remain patient and wait for the ease that your lord will eventually bring you. Futhermore surround yourself with teh believers so they can remind you to be patient.

Whenever i advice people i always tell them not to give up >?Why do you have self defeated though process ? Are yuo denying the mercy of your lord ? Are you giving up on what Allah can guive you ? My one advice would be don’t give on searching for the woman of your dreams because eventually we are blessed with something which we are truly happy with. As for this woman she will get what she deserves. But as a muslim the right response would be for you to make dua for her that Allah guides her to the straight path. If my faince had a gf i would be in a lot of paqin but i woul make dua for him at the end (i think Allah knows best)



May Allah make it easy for you , remember Allah the Alimighty is aware of your pain and you will inshaAllah get an immense reward in this world and the hereafter. J
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 08:39 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
Apparently, there are 3.52 billion women in the world.

Don't give up. You'll find a different woman to marry.
إن شاء الله

Scimi
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Eric H
08-23-2016, 09:17 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Huzaifah ibn Adam;

Apparently, there are 3.52 billion women in the world.

Don't give up. You'll find a different woman to marry.
That's very naughty, a billion or two must be married, a few hundred million must be under age, and a few hundred million must be over 60. I doubt if there are a billion suitable women left for our main man to choose a spouse from. Oh! and minus one more, Mr scimi cannot marry his present fiancé. Cold showers are the answer.

:coldwater:
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jabeady
08-23-2016, 09:30 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Huzaifah ibn Adam;



That's very naughty, a billion or two must be married, a few hundred million must be under age, and a few hundred million must be over 60. I doubt if there are a billion suitable women left for our main man to choose a spouse from. Oh! and minus one more, Mr scimi cannot marry his present fiancé. Cold showers are the answer.

:coldwater:
Nah. If Adolph Hitler can find a girl, I'm sure that there's hope. I mean, Scimi can't be more hopeless than Hitler, can he?

Well, can he?

>)
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 09:30 PM
Lol funny stuff hehe,

im actually quite entertained by it all. Life is full of mysteries. Lol

Scimi
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 09:31 PM
Originally Posted by jabeady
Nah. If Adolph Hitler can find a girl, I'm sure that there's hope. I mean, Scimi can't be more hopeless than Hitler, can he?

Well, can he?

>)
i have no fortune with women, you onto something lol.

i think you should develop a theory, I may back it lol

Scimi
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-23-2016, 09:55 PM
Apparently there're lots of single Muslim ladies in Malaysia and Indonesia. Why not take a holiday there and marry four one time? The women there are very happy with being co-wives. From what I hear.
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jabeady
08-23-2016, 10:03 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
Apparently there're lots of single Muslim ladies in Malaysia and Indonesia. Why not take a holiday there and marry four one time? The women there are very happy with being co-wives. From what I hear.
So are Mormons, and Utah is closer.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-23-2016, 10:24 PM
There you are, then.
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 10:30 PM
steady on fellas :D

Scimi
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-23-2016, 10:34 PM
But can he handle four wives, though, is another question. Not so young anymore.
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Scimitar
08-23-2016, 10:37 PM
Thought of one scares me nowadays bro huzaifah lol, four is science fiction bro Lol
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Eric H
08-23-2016, 10:45 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
But can he handle four wives, though, is another question. Not so young anymore.

Of course he could, but could four :hijab2::hijab::hijab2::hijab: handle brother scimi,


they would have to be something special, and we would never hear from him again.........
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jabeady
08-23-2016, 11:46 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Of course he could, but could four :hijab2::hijab::hijab2::hijab: handle brother scimi,


they would have to be something special, and we would never hear from him again.........
The wives wouldn't bother me. Four mothers-in-law would be another matter.
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ardianto
08-24-2016, 12:26 AM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
Apparently there're lots of single Muslim ladies in Malaysia and Indonesia. Why not take a holiday there and marry four one time? The women there are very happy with being co-wives. From what I hear.
Is not so difficult to find a woman in Indonesia who is willing to become co-wives. The difficulty is how to find a woman who is willing to become co-wives not because money (wealth).

But I don't think bro Scimi want to have multiple wives. I am sure he just want to have one, but realy loves him. So, lets we help bro Scimi with du'a.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-24-2016, 12:18 PM
Which race is he looking for?
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jabeady
08-24-2016, 12:27 PM
Human.
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Scimitar
08-24-2016, 12:52 PM
I'm not looking - I got trust issues now... all over again.

Scimi
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Serinity
08-24-2016, 01:54 PM
:salam:

Gotta polish those detective skills. With the help of Allah. And Allah :swt: knows best.
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Scimitar
08-24-2016, 02:35 PM
And Allah has decided that I cant be married so thats that lol, fuc it.

Scimi
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-24-2016, 03:22 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
And Allah has decided that I cant be married so thats that lol, fuc it.

Scimi
No such thing.

Only "quitters" quit.

There are many pious Muslim ladies in the world.

Make Du`aa that Allaah Ta`aalaa gives you such a wife.
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noraina
08-24-2016, 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
And Allah has decided that I cant be married so thats that lol, fuc it.

Scimi
Don't despair bro, have hope inshaAllah.

You make it sound as if pious Muslim women are as rare as hen's teeth, or maybe no even around anymore - I know dozens of amazing sisters ma'sha'Allah :D.

You may already have done this, but I'm putting it out there anyway, it can be hard as a man to get to know a sister yourself properly before marriage. Couldn't you ask a female relative or someone if she has any friends or knows any nice sisters? Then you'd get more of an idea into her character.
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jabeady
08-24-2016, 06:17 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
I'm not looking - I got trust issues now... all over again.

Scimi
Well, when you're ready again, you might want to reconsider your standards. I've always considered rich older widows with heart conditions to be very attractive.
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Scimitar
08-24-2016, 06:31 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
No such thing.

Only "quitters" quit.

There are many pious Muslim ladies in the world.

Make Du`aa that Allaah Ta`aalaa gives you such a wife.
i'm done asking,

He has not given to me what HE has given to others...

why don't you ask him? He may listen to you.

Scimi
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Serinity
08-24-2016, 06:50 PM
:salam:

Whenever you make dua to Allah :swt: there are 3 options:

Allah :swt: will grant it immediately/when 'requested'.
Allah :swt: may delay it because of reasons Allah :swt: knows best.
Allah :swt: will in turn for your dua grant you something much better in the hereafter-or this world. Idk about this world. Allahu alam, someone can correct me.
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Scimitar
08-24-2016, 06:55 PM
waiting twenty years... lol. What a joke.

Scimi
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Umm Abed
08-24-2016, 07:05 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
waiting twenty years... lol. What a joke.

Scimi
Dont feel so down, Scimi, there are people who have such miserable lives and wish they were rather single, you get me?

There's still hope so dont give up.
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Scimitar
08-24-2016, 07:13 PM
lol giving up is a luxury right now, and i'm taking advantage of it.

Scimi
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Scimitar
08-28-2016, 03:27 AM
Allahu Akbar :)

<---



WHOA... uh, anyone know where I left my negatives? Coz its all positive again :D

I can't believe it... I don't know anything... life just became interesting, that's all i'm saying lol (but there's clues around if you know where to look)

Allahu Akbar
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Search
08-28-2016, 03:35 AM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

:sl:

Either you're in love, hitched, or unhinged? :D Either way, I'm rooting for you! InshaAllah (God-willing), things will get better.

Or maybe they already have?! *eyebrow raised*

:wa:

Originally Posted by Scimitar
Allahu Akbar :)
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greenhill
08-28-2016, 04:57 AM
A positive Scimitar is a whole world better than a negative one..

Alhamdulillah! Allahu Akhbar...


:peace:
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Scimitar
08-28-2016, 02:11 PM
jus... keep me in dua :love:

Scimi
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زهراء
08-28-2016, 02:20 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
jus... keep me in dua :love:

Scimi
Are we hearing "Nikaa7 Maqaamaat"? [emoji6]
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kritikvernunft
08-28-2016, 02:27 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
The women there are very happy with being co-wives. From what I hear.
I think that this also may depend on how many financial resources you will allow them to draw as a co-wive from your hopefully well-funded treasury. Note that this may be a problem, because if the next wife manages to up the ante, you will soon be forced to concede a pay raise to all existing wives as well. I have heard more than one poor soul complaining about this kind of bidding contests. If you give a car to one co-wive and a flat to another one, they will exact another flat and another car out of you, for reasons of fairness. ;-)
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-28-2016, 02:52 PM
Yes, you have to know how to balance and do justice between all four wives (or three, or two).
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زهراء
08-28-2016, 03:20 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
Yes, you have to know how to balance and do justice between all four wives (or three, or two).
Nowadays justice is not even practised with one wife. It's sad that many marriages are more of a war than anything else.
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Scimitar
08-28-2016, 03:31 PM
Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
Yes, you have to know how to balance and do justice between all four wives (or three, or two).
:D There can be only one in my life

Scimi
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kritikvernunft
08-28-2016, 03:37 PM
Originally Posted by زهراء
Nowadays justice is not even practised with one wife. It's sad that many marriages are more of a war than anything else.
Funny that you mention that. I just had to dump a bunch of bitcoins on my wife's ATM card, about to materialize as dollars in a few hours, because the month is about to roll over. She will never wait until the 31th of the month, of course. And this is always the time at which she will want to convince me that she needs more coins, because there are at least 175 different reasons why she will be spending more money next month. So, yes, indeed, the war goes on. She will always be able to spend several orders of magnitude more money than I would ever be willing to dump on her ATM card. But then again, if I see really dumb expenses, she'd better hide them from me, or else I will jump on the opportunity to start cutting back again. In fact, what we really need is a good bout of inflation. Then, the money itself loses value, but I will try to keep dumping the exactly same amounts in now cheaper dollars on her ATM card for as long as I can! The prices generally going up, is not a reason for me to pay one more dollar! ;-)
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زهراء
08-28-2016, 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by kritikvernunft
Funny that you mention that. I just had to dump a bunch of bitcoins on my wife's ATM card, about to materialize as dollars in a few hours, because the month is about to roll over. She will never wait until the 31th of the month, of course. And this is always the time at which she will want to convince me that she needs more coins, because there are at least 175 different reasons why she will be spending more money next month. So, yes, indeed, the war goes on. She will always be able to spend several orders of magnitude more money than I would ever be willing to dump on her ATM card. But then again, if I see really dumb expenses, she'd better hide them from me, or else I will jump on the opportunity to start cutting back again. In fact, what we really need is a good bout of inflation. Then, the money itself loses value, but I will try to keep dumping the exactly same amounts in now cheaper dollars on her ATM card for as long as I can! The prices generally going up, is not a reason for me to pay one more dollar! ;-)
Perhaps it would be better to compromise? Agree on a set amount? Instead of plotting in secret, talk to her about it. Does she spend money to look good for you and so on. I'm sure there must be a reason too. You can explain your point of view as well.
Ahh marriage is supposed to be a beautiful union with love and mercy between the spouses.

Sent from my GT-I9195 using IslamicBoard mobile app
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
08-28-2016, 04:36 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
:D There can be only one in my life

Scimi
Preferences, akhi.
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kritikvernunft
08-28-2016, 04:38 PM
Originally Posted by زهراء
Perhaps it would be better to compromise? Agree on a set amount?
Well, she cannot be that unhappy with what she gets from me, because I know that she goes bragging to other people about it. So, her story of "not having enough" is only for consumption by me. Still. I understand. I just suppose that all women are like that. ;-)
Originally Posted by زهراء
Does she spend money to look good for you and so on.
Dunno. The more natural, the better. She looks perfectly good as she is, out of the box. There is really no need for artificial "improvements", actually.

In fact, I don't ask her what she spends her money on. She can do what she wants with it. As soon as I give it to her, it is hers to run the household and further do with it as she pleases. I just want to keep the total budget a bit under control. If I concede one, single increase, it will be considered a permanent increase going forward. I will have to pay that new increase every month.

I only react against things that are clearly visible and obviously a waste of money. It is better that if she wants to waste money, she does it on things that I cannot see, so that I do not care.
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noraina
08-28-2016, 04:55 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
Allahu Akbar :)

<---



WHOA... uh, anyone know where I left my negatives? Coz its all positive again :D

I can't believe it... I don't know anything... life just became interesting, that's all i'm saying lol (but there's clues around if you know where to look)

Allahu Akbar
Alhamdulillah akhi, whatever it may be (whoever it may be :D) nice to see bro Scimi positive once again.

May Allah swt always keep you happy like this. Ameen.
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jabeady
08-28-2016, 07:55 PM
That was fast. [emoji1]
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زهراء
08-28-2016, 08:21 PM
How merciful is Allah that even when we become disappointed with the events in our lives(when we have no right to), our Most-Merciful Allah still brings us joy and makes us happy. هو الله


قال رسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم:" عَجَبًا لأمرِ المؤمنِ إِنَّ أمْرَه كُلَّهُ لهُ خَيرٌ وليسَ ذلكَ لأحَدٍ إلا للمُؤْمنِ إِنْ أصَابتهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فكانتْ خَيرًا لهُ وإنْ أصَابتهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبرَ فكانتْ خَيرًا لهُ ". رواهُ مُسْلِمٌ

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.”
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Scimitar
08-28-2016, 09:59 PM
guys nothing is guaranteed, but I can hope again, alhamdulillah - and that, to me - is a victory :)

Scimi
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Umm Abed
08-29-2016, 01:44 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
guys nothing is guaranteed, but I can hope again, alhamdulillah - and that, to me - is a victory :)

Scimi
More updates on good news please, and how it all happened so soon.:o
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Kiro
08-30-2016, 11:11 PM
Leave obviously.
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Finding MEMO
02-12-2017, 07:59 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
waiting twenty years... lol. What a joke.

Scimi
Hmmm hmmm 25 years
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Finding MEMO
02-12-2017, 09:33 PM
Originally Posted by Finding MEMO
Hmmm hmmm 25 years
Only advice I can give is don't look at time in this duniya.

Alhumdulilah you don't know what Allah swt was saving you from or who he was saving you for?

Tawakkal-tu-’ala-Allah
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Scimitar
02-16-2017, 09:18 PM
kal ho na ho :D

Scimi
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cinnamonrolls1
05-14-2017, 12:22 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
Im not gonna air the story here for all to see - but I don't wanna establish anymore proof than I have already because I feel sick even thinking about it.

its over - that's all there is to it

except I'm done trying to find a wife now, I just don't wanna experience this anymore

Scimi
Personally, i'd say just part ways, break of the engagement, Inshallah you will find someone. Don't give up! Maybe try online muslim "dating" sites to find someone?
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cinnamonrolls1
05-14-2017, 12:31 PM
Dont worry, Inshallah you will find someone, there is a LOT of muslim women in the world, You will eventually find a pious wife.
May Allah swt help you! :)
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AHMED PATEL
05-14-2017, 01:33 PM
i know someone who was told on his wedding night by his wife of less than 12 hours that she didnt want to marry him

and she told him she had a boyfriend

i also know someone who would visit his newborn child and wife in hospital ,to be told there is another man visiting too
the other man was the father..

at my age 50 ,i need a camp fire
for my stories

life teaches you more than books ever will
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cinnamonrolls1
05-14-2017, 01:34 PM
Originally Posted by AHMED PATEL
i know someone who was told on his wedding night by his wife of less than 12 hours that she didnt want to marry him

and she told him she had a boyfriend

i also know someone who would visit his newborn child and wife in hospital ,to be told there is another man visiting too
the other man was the father..

at my age 50 ,i need a camp fire
for my stories

life teaches you more than books ever will
woah, that must have been hecka difficult
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Serinity
05-14-2017, 01:35 PM
:salam:

It is sad to see the Ummah taking girl/boyfriends.. What happened to marriage???

Allahu alam.
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cinnamonrolls1
05-14-2017, 01:37 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam:

It is sad to see the Ummah taking girl/boyfriends.. What happened to marriage???

Allahu alam.
ikr, if a man is actually serious about you he'l marry you. Same with women
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Bobbyflay23
05-14-2017, 05:23 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
Im not gonna air the story here for all to see - but I don't wanna establish anymore proof than I have already because I feel sick even thinking about it.

its over - that's all there is to it

except I'm done trying to find a wife now, I just don't wanna experience this anymore

Scimi
Uhh I was listening to Ali dawah and he's got some website I think it's called pure matrimony it's not like the other marriage websites it's strictly for religious people and stuff so you can try that
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Bobbyflay23
05-14-2017, 05:35 PM
Originally Posted by *patient-light*
Asalamcalaykum my dear brother

You are going through extreme pain at this moment and things seem gloomy and dull.Someone you trusted and wanted to spend the rest of life apparently has a boyfriend "such what a deception" . You know every day as a grow up I am reminded to never trust human beings ,they will always break your heart.Don't give your heart out to human beings for we are weak fragile beings who are clueless .With your eyes you must your are alone in this world , You only have Allah . Even your family will leave you one day , your friends and spouses.

I can’t fathom the extreme pain you are going through.It also seems that this has happened to you before . You can cry akhi, get depressed ,punch a wall or even get revenge .Its all human instinct but once you calm down and think logically you will understand that this is a test from Allah.
Allah in one second can give you the most, righteous , beautiful and obedient woman to have ever existed.
You mentioned that it happened to you few times , why?Now you can assume its a pusnishement from Allah or you can assume that you are not worthy .But what i think is , that Allah is testing you with something that will bring you closer to Him.Wallahi with every hardship comes ease . Everytime i am tested if i remain patient and complain to Allah i get an immediate response of relief .

It's all about having a certain perspective of life . Life is a test and everything is a test for you, including the individuals you interect with . You will be tested , and it will hurt.
You will be tired and worn from the of storm..so pull yourself from the sea and Ask Allah to bring you safely on the dry land.

Deal with the pain of by getting closer to Allah and surround yourself with the believers and your friends. Dont let shaytan deceive and convince to isolate yourself. Akhi whenever you go through a test you should remind your self that the trial could have been worse (she could have been your wife ), the trial is in this world and not the hereafter and that the test is with the dunya and it is not corncering your eman (you could have been tested with your belief and what is more evil than becoming a kaffir.)
,
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,” 2:55

“Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return." 2:56

“Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.”2:57

The best

How can you deal with your pain ?
Whenever you come across a test , try to say alhamdullilah for your test could have been worse. Secondly remain patient and wait for the ease that your lord will eventually bring you. Futhermore surround yourself with teh believers so they can remind you to be patient.

Whenever i advice people i always tell them not to give up >?Why do you have self defeated though process ? Are yuo denying the mercy of your lord ? Are you giving up on what Allah can guive you ? My one advice would be don’t give on searching for the woman of your dreams because eventually we are blessed with something which we are truly happy with. As for this woman she will get what she deserves. But as a muslim the right response would be for you to make dua for her that Allah guides her to the straight path. If my faince had a gf i would be in a lot of paqin but i woul make dua for him at the end (i think Allah knows best)



May Allah make it easy for you , remember Allah the Alimighty is aware of your pain and you will inshaAllah get an immense reward in this world and the hereafter. J
Yea and I'd like to add that the trial could just be there because god wants you to be greatful when you get married for finding someone because maybe you wouldn't have been greatful for example my cuzin was able to find someone to get married to when I think he was 19 years old might've been older but he's 24 right now so that's pretty early so yea it's not about you think ready for a spouse it's if allah thinks your ready for a spouse because that's when allah will guide you to her
Reply

Bobbyflay23
05-14-2017, 05:37 PM
Mhmm
Reply

cinnamonrolls1
10-16-2017, 04:19 PM
salam brother, I'm aware this thread has not been active in a while, but im just wondering, how's everything going? Inshallah you will meet someone amazing soon if not already
Reply

RisingLight
10-16-2017, 05:39 PM
It has come to a point we need to use Veritaserum on the spouse before signing that contract :facepalm:
Reply

Kawlah
10-16-2017, 06:29 PM
Salaam ale3koem bro,

I am so sad this happened to you, she conned more people including me as you know.

Makes me very upset now I know the full story. All I can say is that I am making dua for you and hope that I can be your friend so that at least I can show you that not all women are like her.
Reply

M.I.A.
10-16-2017, 08:28 PM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
What would you do?
I dont know where you are in your life..

If you have good relationships.. family and friends..

Then ask through them to set you up.

But i have to say, that i spent about 7 years away from home.. at university

And most of the girls.. if not all..

Had guy friends to varying degrees.

Even the head of the university islamic society got married to a girl he knew..at uni or from a nearby uni.. cant remember o_0

Which is nice.

It is the state of the world..

But it is a small world.

I had a mate at uni who was the best at socialising.

He came to my city and i went to meet him..

Turns out he was with a few girls from my city..

..That i knew..

Lol im a shopkeep (since forever).. dont get it twisted.

I didnt hang around because im rubbish with girls.. and everyone has a brother here.

Although he doesnt need to worry because hes over 6 foot 16 stone.. the last time i knew.

Anyway i digress..

Maybe you should fall for someone who doesnt love you..

I think my inlaws rejected my parents proposal at least 3 times..

Which is hilarious.

There are very few things in this world that can be found untainted.

Allah swt have mercy upon us.
..
..
...yeah i would have broke it off.

Although i still tell her sometimes they would be better off without me.

It only gets harder.. for some.

They are perfect though.

If only the world would keep its hands off them.
Reply

Scimitar
10-16-2017, 11:42 PM
Originally Posted by Bobbyflay23
Uhh I was listening to Ali dawah and he's got some website I think it's called pure matrimony it's not like the other marriage websites it's strictly for religious people and stuff so you can try that
I've got Ali Dawah on my phone number list - lol and I see him almost every sunday as well. He's a nice brother ma sh'Allah. He once drowve to my house to drop off a memory card which he'd borrowed from me. The look on my neighbours face was priceless :D

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by Kawlah
Salaam ale3koem bro,

I am so sad this happened to you,
Don't be, i'm not :) and besides, this was over a year ago now.

Originally Posted by Kawlah
she conned more people including me as you know.
Allahu alam.

Originally Posted by Kawlah
Makes me very upset now I know the full story. All I can say is that I am making dua for you and hope that I can be your friend so that at least I can show you that not all women are like her.
I'm pretty certain all women are different... I am also certain that I am cut out for a different path. Maybe marriage is not the option for me anymore, i'm certainly not banking on it lol. Maybe being an inviter to Islam full time is my path. So many times i'm told, "leave your cameras at home" or "get infront of the camera" because dawah is natural to me, and I have a way with people - i can disarm their premise one to one in real life, "wonderfully", apparently! Now imagine, if I was married - would my wife let me do the dawah work I do now? I doubt it.

By the way, i've put on more weight due to excessive eating and training, but this was me when I was two stones lighter and giving dawah at speakers corner lol:



so... do you fine people think I should focus on giving dawah and give up on finding a wife? (i won't do both - dawah is a full time effort)

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by M.I.A.
I dont know where you are in your life..

If you have good relationships.. family and friends..

Then ask through them to set you up.
Tried, many times... and gave up. lol

Originally Posted by M.I.A.
But i have to say, that i spent about 7 years away from home.. at university

And most of the girls.. if not all..

Had guy friends to varying degrees.

Even the head of the university islamic society got married to a girl he knew..at uni or from a nearby uni.. cant remember o_0

Which is nice.

It is the state of the world..

But it is a small world.

I had a mate at uni who was the best at socialising.

He came to my city and i went to meet him..

Turns out he was with a few girls from my city..

..That i knew..

Lol im a shopkeep (since forever).. dont get it twisted.

I didnt hang around because im rubbish with girls.. and everyone has a brother here.

Although he doesnt need to worry because hes over 6 foot 16 stone.. the last time i knew.

Anyway i digress..

Maybe you should fall for someone who doesnt love you..

I think my inlaws rejected my parents proposal at least 3 times..

Which is hilarious.

There are very few things in this world that can be found untainted.

Allah swt have mercy upon us.
..
..
...yeah i would have broke it off.

Although i still tell her sometimes they would be better off without me.

It only gets harder.. for some.

They are perfect though.

If only the world would keep its hands off them.
interesting story, lol, for once I followed one of your posts ;)
Reply

M.I.A.
10-17-2017, 01:34 AM
..yeah im worried too..

I honestly didnt get the joke at the end of the video.


Good luck anyway.

..everybody deserves some rant space.
Reply

Cptn._.Mario
10-17-2017, 01:42 AM
Woah akhi! I was reading the 2nd page and everyone were trying to console you. Here at the 3rd page you're in cloud nine~! Hahaha! :D
May Allah swt bless you and your future/present wife with all goodnees in this dunya and the akhiraah! :)

Edit: after reading the 4th page I realise this thread was about a year ago. You should really stop making me go through this emotional rollercoaster bro! I demand compensation! :-[
Reply

Kawlah
10-17-2017, 08:00 AM
Originally Posted by Scimitar
I'm pretty certain all women are different... I am also certain that I am cut out for a different path. Maybe marriage is not the option for me anymore, i'm certainly not banking on it lol. Maybe being an inviter to Islam full time is my path. So many times i'm told, "leave your cameras at home" or "get infront of the camera" because dawah is natural to me, and I have a way with people - i can disarm their premise one to one in real life, "wonderfully", apparently! Now imagine, if I was married - would my wife let me do the dawah work I do now? I doubt it.
Good to hear bro that you at least realize that not all women are like that, you sound healthy and stable now.

We can never know what Allah has decreed :)

But I understand your position, I don't think I am cut out for marriage either considering all the problems I have. Wouldn't know what benefits I could offer a husband, if I would marry it would certainly only be as a second wife or something like that because I know I can never fulfill his rights over me a 100% alone because of my illness.

I think what you are doing now is of great benefit to us all, may Allah reward you for your efforts. Who knows one day you might find a woman who is just as passionate about Da'wah as you are, and maybe you will not. Only Allah knows, but I understand your decision to not actively look for a mate completely and wish you the best of luck in your endeavors regardless.
Reply

M.I.A.
10-17-2017, 01:00 PM
Originally Posted by Kawlah
Good to hear bro that you at least realize that not all women are like that, you sound healthy and stable now.

We can never know what Allah has decreed :)

But I understand your position, I don't think I am cut out for marriage either considering all the problems I have. Wouldn't know what benefits I could offer a husband, if I would marry it would certainly only be as a second wife or something like that because I know I can never fulfill his rights over me a 100% alone because of my illness.

I think what you are doing now is of great benefit to us all, may Allah reward you for your efforts. Who knows one day you might find a woman who is just as passionate about Da'wah as you are, and maybe you will not. Only Allah knows, but I understand your decision to not actively look for a mate completely and wish you the best of luck in your endeavors regardless.
..i hate to be intrusive but you should find ways to occupy your time.. if you are not doing so already.

Find ways to change your perspective of yourself.

Get a job is the first thing that comes to mind.. Although im often wrong.

Sorry..
Reply

Kawlah
10-17-2017, 05:44 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
..i hate to be intrusive but you should find ways to occupy your time.. if you are not doing so already.

Find ways to change your perspective of yourself.

Get a job is the first thing that comes to mind.. Although im often wrong.

Sorry..
Salaam bro, not sure if you are talking to me or bro Scimi.

In case you are talking to me, I have a job. And I am studying at the same time. I have fine self worth.

But I have a physical illness that has almost killed me twice these past two years, and having a job and fine self worth doesn't change a deadly illness. Would you tell someone with cancer to get a job? Because that's how serious my illness is. Sorry bro, may Allah forgive me if I just misunderstood you.
Reply

M.I.A.
10-17-2017, 06:00 PM
Well yeah, i was asking you..

Whatever it is that your going through i hope you get through it.

..maybe you should save up and go on holiday.

Its ok dont worry, iv had about 5 surgeries myself in the last 3-4 years..although i was asleep for most of them.

Time away does wonders..

..im just runnin my mouth sorry.. Although not irl.

Dont dwell on it.. if that is possible.

I had about a 5 or 6cm stone in my kidney lol.. too much work, not enough water..

I suppose thats what they wanted to see.
Reply

Kawlah
10-17-2017, 06:21 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
Well yeah, i was asking you..

Whatever it is that your going through i hope you get through it.

..maybe you should save up and go on holiday.

Its ok dont worry, iv had about 5 surgeries myself in the last 3-4 years..although i was asleep for most of them.

Time away does wonders..

..im just runnin my mouth sorry.. Although not irl.

Dont dwell on it.. if that is possible.
Salaam Ale3koem bro,

I apologize again if I misunderstood.

I am not down or anything, I consider this illness a blessing despite the hardship. However, it has practical consequences that cannot be denied which is why I don't think I am fit for marriage. Maybe after surgery I will be, I hope so Insha'Allah because I am only 30. I would like to marry some day.

Sorry to hear you went through so much yourself. I need no holiday, despite the impression I apparently gave you I am very happy with my life. I just do need to be real about my disability and it's consequences, that is all. A spouse has rights I should fulfill as a wife.
Reply

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