I am infatuated with a girl in my school...HELP?

[Mustafa16]

I am currently in my senior year of high school, and I met a freshman girl at the clinic in my high school. At first, I thought she was a little girl who was just visiting, that's how young she looked....I grew deeply infatuated with her, and I don't want to try and befriend her or ask her out because it could lead to haram........also, I rarely see her (only in the halls) and have always gone out of my way to find her.....what should I do?

[Regrets1]

What should you do?? Lower your gaze. (Not being harsh) your only 17, you should focus on your studies brother..most of your threads are about the opposite gender and I think they are never about the same person. Find the right one and get married and if you can't then just forget about it for now..focus on becoming something first..enjoy your life (halal way)

[sister herb]

At the first your cousin and now some girl in your school???? Young brother, the best what you should do is to focus to your study only and stop thinking girls.

:facepalm:

[Mustafa16]

At the first your cousin and now some girl in your school???? Young brother, the best what you should do is to focus to your study only and stop thinking girls.

:facepalm:

I gave up on my cousin because it wasn't worth the hassle from my parents.....especially my father....

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[sister herb]

You shouldn´t try to find her neither her´s attention. Seek help from Allah against those traps of Shaytan, who sends young and pretty girls to your mind. You are still young and you may not be enough aware against them. As I wrote, focus to your study, graduate, get a job and after that start looking for marriage. Maybe the best if you ask advice from your parents or some other relatives.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Focus on your studies. Lower your gaze even more. I mean, do not gaze/stare at women, ever. Crushy feelings will surface, and it will only hinder your studies.

[drac16]

Salam alaykum

I know exactly how that feels. I'm glad that you intend to be faithful [to God] by not dating and/or sleeping with her :). Is she a muslim? if she is, she probably wouldn't want to date you either. Infatuations are really intense, but they fade over time. I once had a crush on a lesbian-- and she was very open about her sexuality. Obviously since I am a guy, there was no chance of anything happening between me and her, but Subhanallah, that crush I had on her was really intense. That infatuation faded away after a few months and I'm confident that yours will fade over time, too.

Just wait until it fades, akhi. It's going to be difficult, but it is possible. May Allah help you stay pure.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

I gave up on my cousin because it wasn't worth the hassle from my parents.....especially my father....

That was quick.

[jabeady]

That was quick.

The young can be so fickle.

[ardianto]

The important thing about love and marriage that I have learned since I was young is, getting spouse is different than buying t-shirt. If I want to buy t-shirt I could go to clothes store, choose the t-shirt that I want, pay, and the t-shirt now belong to me. But if I want to get spouse?. I might be interested to a girl. But if this girl was not interested to me, then how could I marry her?.

It made me thinking and build a principle, rather than I try to get the girl that I want, it's better if I respond the girl who want me. This principle gave me two advantages. First, I was easier to get spouse because I didn't need to compete with other guys. Second, I never infatuated to a girl. As a boy, of course I interested to the girl. I often met a girl who look good in my eyes. But I didn't feel I had to get her.

Mustafa, if you have principle like me, In Shaa Allah, you will not face the problem like you face now.

:)

[Umm Abed]

That was quick.

And here I was suggesting wait for at least six months just to make sure.

Perhaps the brother needs to get more active in sports and other exciting hobbies, well at least for six months...

[eesa the kiwi]

Asalamu alaikum rahmatulah wa barakatu
brother you seem to be infatuted with someone new every three days, i think this is hormones talking
maybe join the gym to wear yourself out

[Serinity]

Occupy your mind in your studies.

Occupy your body in workout.

That way you'll feel way more fulfilled than chasing a girl that will probably bomb your heart and tear it apart because of how haram relationships work. Or, it could weaken your connection with Allah, because you may start to have waswass "why does Allah forbid free-mixing, and having girlfriends? I feel 'good'....."

Therefore, the best is to divert your energies to something that is much better.

Clear your mind, cause infatuation is DEFINITELY clouding your judgment to think.

If you get her, how will you progress in your studies? What if she becomes controlling, and what about your studies?

I mean, if you really want to marry, go the halal route.

But seeing how you gave up on your cousin because it was too much of a hassle - I see this as mere infatuation.

So try to finish your homework - you will feel fulfilled.

[mission2succeed]

I am currently in my senior year of high school, and I met a freshman girl at the clinic in my high school. At first, I thought she was a little girl who was just visiting, that's how young she looked....I grew deeply infatuated with her, and I don't want to try and befriend her or ask her out because it could lead to haram........also, I rarely see her (only in the halls) and have always gone out of my way to find her.....what should I do?

The good thing is you are realizing your problem and you are also aware that this is wrong. My advice to you is build your connection with your creator as his love should come above all. Increase your worship and keep your tongue busy with the remembrance of Allah. To add one of the best solutions towards controlling your desires is to fast. I would recommend you start fasting more often insha'allah starting with:

1- The day of `Arafah: This is for those who are not performing the Hajj (pilgrimage)

Abu Qatadah said : the Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, said: "Fasting on the day of `Arafah is an expiation [of sins] for two years, the year preceding it and the year following it and the fasting the day of `Aashuraa' is an expiation for the year preceding it. [Muslim, an-Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Abu Dawood].

2- Fasting three days of every month:

`Amr Ibn Sharhabeel said : A man came to the Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, and said : O Messenger of Allah! what do you say in a man who fasts the whole year [time], on this the Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, said : I wish he would not eat anything during the year, he said what about two thirds of the year, he replied "more", he said what about half of it, he said more and then said : Shall I not inform you of what takes away the whispers of the chest, they said yes tell us, he said " fasting three days from every month. [an-Nasaa'i; Sahih]Abu Tharr Al-Ghefari said: "The Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, said "Whoever fasts from every month three days, it is like fasting the whole year, then Allah revealed what backs this in His book "Whoever comes with a good deed, he is rewarded ten folds", one day for ten. [Ibn Majah and at-Tirmithi].Abu Tharr Al-Ghefari said: "The Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, said "O Abu Tharr! if you fast three days of every month, then fast the 13th, the 14th and the 15th [these are call the al-ayaam al-beedh, the white days]". [Ahmad, an-Nasaa'i and at-Tirmithi; Sahih]

3- Fasting Mondays and Thursdays:

`Aa'ishah said : The Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa salam, used to fast Mondays and Thursdays". [an-Nasaa'i; Sahih]Abu Hurairah reported that the most the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa salam, would fast would be Monday and Thursday. He was asked about that and he said: "The deeds of people are presented to Allah on every Monday and Thursday. Allah forgives every Muslim except for those who are deserting each other. He says: "leave them for later." [Ahmad; Hasan]

[noraina]

Everyone's given good advice ma'sha'Allah.

Find a hobby, something beneficial and productive which stimulates and engages you. Join a sports club or start reading more, hang out with the brothers at the local masjid, start raising chickens or rabbits, do something.

Your youth is such an important time in your life, in terms of developing yourself, your education and worshipping Allah swt, don't waste it over girls or 'infatuations' with them which will only last months or days at a time (for example your cousin).

And lower your gaze, train yourself to so your attention isn't caught by the next pretty face you see. And try to fast more regularly. Start with fasting on Mondays and Thursdays.

[Kiro]

Since everyone has given everything that needs to be said, I should try to be original:

Drink Strawberry milk.

[Sakina'141]

:sl: young brother,

Just think of it logically...what is the point of you "falling in love" when you are in school?! When you cannot even get married to anyone for many reasons at this very young age...when you are not ready for marriage in terms of not having a job, still need to learn/study more in school and about your religion and not mature/experienced yet about many things in life in the big bad world out there.

There is no point falling in love when you are so young when your not ready/cannot get married so save yourself from all the heartache and nonsense and just focus on your studies and future life aspirations. Set some goals and focus on achieving your life ambitions...that should keep you too busy to think about girls. Make friends with some good boys at school/mosque and socialise with them.

[ReboundMuslimah]

Stop running after girls and focus on your studies and goals!

That's my advice to you.

[keiv]

.....what should I do?

Being a senior, I assume you're fairly close to the age of 18. I don't know where you're from but, if you're from the US, you better ease up because you might find yourself becoming someone else's lover.... in jail..

Of course there's also the religious side of it which others have already mentioned.

[jabeady]

In purely practical terms, does anyone here really believe our young friend is going to take advice? This isn't personal, it's just that I never met a teenage boy, including me, who could control his hormones. ;)

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

Lol. Well, I don't know if our brother will take all this good advice on board, but let's hope. Being a teenager is tough; and I wouldn't wish to relive my own teenage years for anything, and I sympathize with the struggle. The opposite sex is a distraction at any age, but at the age of puberty more so than anything; I think the solution is to know that you might develop crushes on one girl or another but to know that this is indeed infatuation that will wear itself out and not true love. As my high school teacher once said, true love is when you can love the person when they're sleeping next to you dripping drool down their faces and still love them for themselves. Not an attractive image, I'll grant you. But a poignant one and something like what true love is for one who cares to know. Everything else is hormones.

In purely practical terms, does anyone here really believe our young friend is going to take advice? This isn't personal, it's just that I never met a teenage boy, including me, who could control his hormones. ;)