I got rejected....my heart never learns.....I feel awful.....

[Mustafa16]

I am currently 17, and I told a 12 year old girl I've liked for years now that I like her, and she rejected me. I was at a Turkish festival, and I told her I had to tell her something, and her friends told me to say it in front of them....I told her I had a crush on her, and she politely turned me down by saying she already liked someone else, and that I was much older than her......so I walked away....at first, I felt relieved that I was able to get it off my chest.... and much later, I told her, first in Turkish, then in English, "maybe when you're older" before winking......I wish I was ashamed of myself because dating and casual romance is haram, but I'm sad to say it's hard to feel bad about that when I feel so sorry for myself....my heart never learns from my brain or from my religion, and I feel awful.....what should I do?

[Scimitar]

Dude.... I got nothing nice to say to you right now - stop making these stupid threads... this is an Islamic forum - not your dating agony aunt forum you muppet.

Scimi

[Regrets1]

She's only 12?? No offence but you need to stay in cold shower for days (lol) I get your only 17 but still how can u keep liking/falling in love with a new person every day :facepalm: May Allah help you.

[Mustafa16]

She's only 12?? No offence but you need to stay in cold shower for days (lol) I get your only 17 but still how can u keep liking/falling in love with a new person every day :facepalm: May Allah help you.

I've loved her for 2 years now.....not a day.....it is possible to like more than one girl at once, or to pretend to like someone due to the taboo in the age difference with someone else....

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[Regrets1]

Love?? Bro you still need to learn what love is :)

[Mustafa16]

Love?? Bro you still need to learn what love is :)

I suppose.....that's what my paraprofessional and my father say, too....

[Scimitar]

To teenagers, infatuation = love

Mustafa17, you're a pup. A young lad - why don't you speak to your parents about getting married?

I'm pretty sure you'd fall in "love" with a shadow at this point. The moment your parents show you a photo, you'll be lost in a web of possibilities and that'll be you for a while :D

until the illusion breaks.

Oh and cold showers.... or maybe in your case, the ice bucket challenge.

Scimi

[Mustafa16]

To teenagers, infatuation = love

Mustafa17, you're a pup. A young lad - why don't you speak to your parents about getting married?

I'm pretty sure you'd fall in "love" with a shadow at this point. The moment your parents show you a photo, you'll be lost in a web of possibilities and that'll be you for a while :D

until the illusion breaks.

Oh and cold showers.... or maybe in your case, the ice bucket challenge.

Scimi

what is the difference between infatuation and love, anyway? the reason I "loved her" is because when I was 15, she once came over to my house for Eid and we spent hours spending time together and had conversations.....I also admire her personality and her looks, and want to make her smile or make her happy.....

[Umm Abed]

Brother, from now on please only look down.:facepalm:

This is very wrong to approach any girl like that and having your thoughts on them in this manner.

[Mustafa16]

Brother, from now on please only look down.:facepalm:

This is very wrong to approach any girl like that and having your thoughts on them in this manner.

is it because of her age or because it leads to zina? or both?

[Serinity]

:salam:

Infatuation, love? Can't distinguish them? Nor can I. But I know what infatuation is.

And u are infatuated. Having a crush on someone for 2 years is possible.

Allahu alam

[Regrets1]

What you said above is all the good things, love is not all about happiness only. I'm sure you know no one is perfect, would you accept her with all her flaws? Be faithful and committed to her only no matter what? Or would you go looking for love elsewhere when things go wrong..

your still too young..and she's even younger. Study hard brother study hard! Lower your gaze and don't approach any girl. Only approach when your ready to get married

[Umm Abed]

is it because of her age or because it leads to zina? or both?

You see, you dont want to get in to any sort of trouble with the parents also, so rather stay away from girls. And, to answer your question, it is basically, both.

[Mustafa16]

What you said above is all the good things, love is not all about happiness only. I'm sure you know no one is perfect, would you accept her with all her flaws? Be faithful and committed to her only no matter what? Or would you go looking for love elsewhere when things go wrong..

I wouldn't know because I've never been in a romantic relationship before, and I hardly see her...but I imagine I would.....although I could be wrong....

[aamirsaab]

Man...I told you before go to a gym...pick up a sport or some weights. Your hormones are so out of control, every time I read one of your posts my hormones go out of control!

Do something, anything to take your mind of girls, relationships and this forum. You need to find a way to control yourself and use all that energy elsewhere in something more constructive, like press ups, start jumps, jogging, building things from ikea. Find an activity, or 12, and focus your energy on those things instead.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Be thankful to Allah :swt: that He :swt: saved you from falling to haram relationships (gf/bf relationships) it could lead to Zina.

may Allah :swt: help you. Ameen.

And Allah :swt:

[Mustafa16]

Man...I told you before go to a gym...pick up a sport or some weights. Your hormones are so out of control, every time I read one of your posts my hormones go out of control!

Do something, anything to take your mind of girls, relationships and this forum. You need to find a way to control yourself and use all that energy elsewhere in something more constructive, like press ups, start jumps, jogging, building things from ikea. Find an activity, or 12, and focus your energy on those things instead.

So should I stop going to the Turkish cultural center, so as not to get temptation?

[aamirsaab]

So should I stop going to the Turkish cultural center, so as not to get temptation?

If you feel it will help you, yes - temporarily until you've learnt to control yourself.

But you don't need to do away with visiting it full stop - just learn to control yourself in those situations.

[Scimitar]

So should I stop going to the Turkish cultural center, so as not to get temptation?

Turkish Cultural Center? Oh you mean the European Brainwash Center... got it.

Scimi

[Mustafa16]

Turkish Cultural Center? Oh you mean the European Brainwash Center... got it.

Scimi

what have you got against Turkish diaspora gatherings?

[M.I.A.]

I wouldn't know because I've never been in a romantic relationship before, and I hardly see her...but I imagine I would.....although I could be wrong....

there you go..

be grateful your not good at women just yet.

Maybe your wife has to keep making up imaginary boyfriends..

ya never know, you could be lucky.


...the wink sealed it.

[sister herb]

Fortunately we have good smiley for your situation:

:coldwater:

So should I stop going to the Turkish cultural center, so as not to get temptation?

You should learn and remember to lower your gaze, just same are you in the Turkish cultural center, on the street, at the school or anywhere else.

Let your parents help to find to you your spouse when you are an adult. Excessive self-help only breaks your heart.

[Mustafa16]

there you go..

be grateful your not good at women just yet.

Maybe your wife has to keep making up imaginary boyfriends..

ya never know, you could be lucky.


...the wink sealed it.

what do you mean, "the wink sealed it"???

[Serinity]

:salam:

Fill your heart with Qur'aan. The Qur'aan will guide your heart to a better state. In shaa' Allah.

And Allah :swt: knows best

[M.I.A.]

..sorry the wink is good..

Maybe you should start of with the wink.

heeediot!

I have no words.. for the complicated subject.

only the textbook answers will do.

[Mustafa16]

heeediot!


only the textbook answers will do.

are you calling me an idiot???? stop talking cryptically and spit it out....

[Aaqib]

are you calling me an idiot???? stop talking cryptically and spit it out....

Don't worry, M.I.A. is that guy who you just have fun with lol

[M.I.A.]

this is why I don't have fun.

...no fun allowed!

haram.

:|

although I have been there..

and even if you lose the wink some people will still be bad at womening.

I am grateful.

...hopefully I don't become someone's wife in prison.

[ardianto]

what should I do?

Learn from Mister Ardianto. He always nice and polite toward women, and never chased the women. That's why the women have positive image on him, and it made him easy to get someone when he was looking for future wife.

[Scimitar]

what is the difference between infatuation and love, anyway?

love is justifed

infatuation isnt.

love happens between two people.

infatuation is like winking at a girl in the dark, you know what you are doing but she doesn't.

Savvy?

Scimi

[keiv]

I don't follow your all your threads but, from what other people are saying, it seems like you have a new crush fairly often. Do you think you're ready for marriage? If so, what's stopping you from chasing other women after you thought you've married "the one"? You really need to figure out your priorities in life.

[Scimitar]

that may take some time... the transition from puberty into manhood was bloody confusing for me... and I messed up bigtime.

the only advise I can give is - stay put until the proposals start pushing up on ya!

Then pick one ;D

Scimi

[Scimitar]

this is why I don't have fun.

define "fun"

...no fun allowed!

haram.

correction: NO HARAM FUN ALLOWED... there's plenty of halal fun to be had, without the opposing sex involved.

although I have been there..

where?

Actually, on second thoughts, don't answer that.

and even if you lose the wink some people will still be bad at womening.

I am grateful.

...hopefully I don't become someone's wife in prison.

Bro, is there something you aint telling us?

Actually, keep it to yourself.

Scimi

[M.I.A.]

slow day on ib..

some people can, some people can't and some people won't.

it's all part of growing up.

may Allah swt have mercy upon you.. us.


I myself am at a stage where I consider that most women are beautiful..

until they open there mouths

*runs away*

[Spartakos]

I am currently 17, and I told a 12 year old girl I've liked for years now that I like her, and she rejected me. I was at a Turkish festival, and I told her I had to tell her something, and her friends told me to say it in front of them....I told her I had a crush on her, and she politely turned me down by saying she already liked someone else, and that I was much older than her......so I walked away....at first, I felt relieved that I was able to get it off my chest.... and much later, I told her, first in Turkish, then in English, "maybe when you're older" before winking......I wish I was ashamed of myself because dating and casual romance is haram, but I'm sad to say it's hard to feel bad about that when I feel so sorry for myself....my heart never learns from my brain or from my religion, and I feel awful.....what should I do?

Listen brother...
you did NOT got Rejected, you got declined, girls and women dont Reject, they TEST the masculine of man by declining offers to see if you really mean of what you say, by 'walking away from the festival'' just because she said she likes someone else, it shows that you are weak and that you wouldn't been able to live without her! a girl wants a guy that doesnt NEEDS her, instead he wants her.

The reason its because she might want to meet other guys she likes aswell and also prolly because she is too young for you, could be also because she doesn't feel like its a good time to be in a Relationship with anyone, regardless you dont walk up to a girl and tell her directly that you like her, or have crush on her, because how can you really like her if you haven't been with her as a lover? you've been acting as a friend to her for ''years'' as you said and now that is kind of safe you tell her ''I Like you!" and automatically you are asking approval if she likes you aswell ''Do you like me?" its like you were faking your feelings towards her untill you felt that its safe to let her know that you do like her and thats manipulative.

Anyway you are 16.. talking to girls for me came on my 20's and its a game's number when it comes to women, there are plenty enough to enjoy talking, having fun, being in love with and you have plenty of time to learn and experience it first before going deep to get in a ''relationship''.

Don't get attached on seeing girls as a means to an end, you don't go to talk to girls only to get in a relationship or maybe get married etc.
You do it because you love girls. Don't ya? If not then there is something wrong with you and you will need to sit and clean that mentality.

What i wrote its not going to be a good response for the 95% here because islamicly what i explained could sound for some people negative.
Islamicly you seriously need to make your mind up and go to that girl and tell her that you are interested for marriage and you would like to get to know her through her Parents,dad,mom etc, else you get in touch with her parents and let them know instead.

My sugguestion? stop it and first learn at school, study something or do what you love to, have a future goal, plans and purposes and i guarantee you, you will find the right woman in your life ;) ps: i'm not sure where you live but whatever you do... HAVE FUN, thats the whole point in dunya to enjoy your time in peace and have fun.
You will realise that real love ain't like the lust that you can have, its something you both immediatly see when you meet each other :p

Spartakos

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

That's called lust, my lad. Love is something else entirely.

Would you die for her, that woman you love? Be killed for her? That is love. What you are experiencing is lust. Lust vanishes very quickly.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Do you know the stories of Layla and Majnoon?

[Mustafa16]

Do you know the stories of Layla and Majnoon?

I heard about it when my class was reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini, where the old abusive man who marries the two main characters, one through deception, refers to one of the two women in the story and her male friend Tariq as "Layla and Majnoon" (the girl's name was Layla)

[Mustafa16]

Do you know the stories of Layla and Majnoon?

also, isn't it the Muslim version of "Romeo and Juliet"?

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

No...

It's something else entirely.

Whether the stories about them is true or not is a mystery. The real name of Majnoon was Qays ibn al-Mulawwih. He was called "Majnoon" which means "a mad man", because his love for her was so much, he lost his mind. Now, there are differing reports about why they were not able to get married: some say it's because he was a prince and she was a slave, others say it's because she was a princess and he was a pauper and a nobody. The custom in those days was to only marry someone on the same social standing as yourself. There is more evidence to show that he was the prince and she was a slave and thus his family prevented him from marrying her, despite the fact that they were childhood friends.

When Layla passed away, Majnoon used to wander the streets of the neighbourhood wherein she lived. He used to say that he loved her so much, he even loved the dogs in the neighbourhood she lived in. He used to hold on to the walls of her house because it reminded him of her. He loved the street she used to walk on.

One day, the ruler at the time came to hear about Majnoon's extreme love for Layla, and so he thought she must be an extremely beautiful woman. He summoned her to his palace. When she arrived, he saw that she was extremely dark and had no attractive features whatsoever. He asked her, "What on earth does Majnoon see in you?" She replied, "O king, you are seeing me through your eyes, so you cannot see the attraction. You have to see me through the eyes of Majnoon..."

[Mustafa16]

No...

It's something else entirely.

Whether the stories about them is true or not is a mystery. The real name of Majnoon was Qays ibn al-Mulawwih. He was called "Majnoon" which means "a mad man", because his love for her was so much, he lost his mind. Now, there are differing reports about why they were not able to get married: some say it's because he was a prince and she was a slave, others say it's because she was a princess and he was a pauper and a nobody. The custom in those days was to only marry someone on the same social standing as yourself. There is more evidence to show that he was the prince and she was a slave and thus his family prevented him from marrying her, despite the fact that they were childhood friends.

When Layla passed away, Majnoon used to wander the streets of the neighbourhood wherein she lived. He used to say that he loved her so much, he even loved the dogs in the neighbourhood she lived in. He used to hold on to the walls of her house because it reminded him of her. He loved the street she used to walk on.

One day, the ruler at the time came to hear about Majnoon's extreme love for Layla, and so he thought she must be an extremely beautiful woman. He summoned her to his palace. When she arrived, he saw that she was extremely dark and had no attractive features whatsoever. He asked her, "What on earth does Majnoon see in you?" She replied, "O king, you are seeing me through your eyes, so you cannot see the attraction. You have to see me through the eyes of Majnoon..."

interesting story..... I sure hope I don't end up like that....I hope I end up marrying this girl and being with her until the end of eternity....but what do I know....I'm just a hormonally imbalanced teenager, so it could be the lust talking.....but have you all considered that I have a desire for someone to be vulnerable with and reveal my sensitive side to, and not just someone to have intercourse with? (excuse my language)

[Scimitar]

*cough, well now that's established,

find an hobby

Scimi

[Mustafa16]

In real life, I am a clown and a jokester.......but that is the hide the hole in my heart, and my lonliness......the fact that the only being I have in all of existence is Allah swt.....that I have no one, NO ONE! the fact that i turn towards imaginary friends.....imaginary conversations....and online forums.....I want someone who I can reveal my true side to, who I can be sensitive and loving towards, who I can spend time with and be a partner in life and managing a household, so that at the end of the day I can say, "me and my wife are a team, and we are soulmates" EDIT: btw, for those of you don't know, the reason I am alone is because I have autism and social phobia and anxiety

[Mustafa16]

I have no friends whatsoever.....no girlfriend/wife, no parents to turn to for advice....no big siblings to look up to (I have a big sister but we aren't close, and completely different) no younger sibling to befriend (he hates my guts and our relationship is broken beyond repair), no relatives to turn to....just my toy dog "Wrinkle" I had since I was 3 or 4.

[Little_Lion]

You will see that when you get to university, insha'Allah it will be easier for you. People are much more accepting and understanding of people with mental difficulties, and you will be so busy with your classes and, hopefully, good friends that you will not be as worried about women. Insha'Allah you have many years before you to find a good wife, the true soul mate for whom you search.

(And do not feel bad about toy dogs, I'm 43 and still sleep with a plush animal every night. ;) )

[Mustafa16]

You will see that when you get to university, insha'Allah it will be easier for you. People are much more accepting and understanding of people with mental difficulties, and you will be so busy with your classes and, hopefully, good friends that you will not be as worried about women. Insha'Allah you have many years before you to find a good wife, the true soul mate for whom you search.

(And do not feel bad about toy dogs, I'm 43 and still sleep with a plush animal every night. ;) )

thank you, jazakallaha khair sister, inshaAllah, like you said, things will get better when I go to college.... :) and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one..... :)

[sister herb]

also, isn't it the Muslim version of "Romeo and Juliet"?

You should say that Romeo and Juliet is the European version of Layla and Majnoon. ;)

[sister herb]

I am currently 17, and I told a 12 year old girl I've liked for years now that I like her, and she rejected me. I was at a Turkish festival, and I told her I had to tell her something, and her friends told me to say it in front of them....I told her I had a crush on her, and she politely turned me down by saying she already liked someone else, and that I was much older than her......so I walked away....at first, I felt relieved that I was able to get it off my chest.... and much later, I told her, first in Turkish, then in English, "maybe when you're older" before winking......I wish I was ashamed of myself because dating and casual romance is haram, but I'm sad to say it's hard to feel bad about that when I feel so sorry for myself....my heart never learns from my brain or from my religion, and I feel awful.....what should I do?

"Maybe when you are older" means minimum 8 years. As you seem to infatuate some new one every the third day, what if she would said yes to you? Would you have enough patience to be faithful to those next 8 years and wait she will be enough old to marry her? This is what makes one difference between infatuation and real love: patience, faithfulness and being serious. But when person is just only 12 years old, she will change a lot during the years of pubertity. 12 years old is still as a child who rarely could make kind of decisions which will have a big affect to hers future life.

[eesa the kiwi]

You should say that Romeo and Juliet is the European version of Layla and Majnoon. ;)

doesnt majnoon mean crazy in arabic?

[sister herb]

Basicly yes. Also as "possessed". From the original story, he lost his sense because he felt in love too deeply for someone he couldn´t get. The story teaches how danger it might be to fall in love romanticly and forget realities of life.

We should remember it too and don´t madly fall in love to every lovely faces we see. Better to lower the gaze and behave modestly.

[Serinity]

:salam:

I learnt something new yesterday, infatuation can be a curse. The Infatuation that brings weakness.

that which enslaves the heart to a human, you then chain your heart.. and you become prey to your crushes. It might even turn to shirk where on is basically "worshipping" his wife/crush.

may Allah :swt: protect us from falling into every kind and any kind of shirk. Ameen.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

[زهراء]

@ Mustafa16 Brother, very often youth think that they know everything. One year makes such a big difference in these sensitive years- that the wisdom behind the advice given is only actually understood a few months, if not years, later.

How about changing your mindset and looking at your situation from a different angle. You are seeking a companion and someone to validate and accept you. You want to be able to have someone to share everything with.

You have two choices:
1) The Halaal way
2) The Haraam way

Let's go the Halaal way. This means:
* No looking around for any girl of whatever age whether you knew her before, for how ever many years it may be, or not.
* No dreaming of marriage and fantasising. Make sure you focus your mind on something else every single time. Every time you leave a sin just for the pleasure of Allah make a Du'aa from your heart for something that you really want! Let it not be for a girl only.
* No speaking about it, because speaking about things like this will only make your desires more!

Channel your mind into understanding what marriage is about. It requires life-long dedication and responsibility. Tell yourself: "In these days while I am in my youth, I will become the best person that I can and the girl that will one day be my wife Insha Allah is also becoming the best person she can-so that one day when we are destined to be together, we will be the best for each other"

This means:
* You need to make an effort and have an idea of how you will support her one day. Be serious with your studies. Yes, Rizq is from Allah but make some
effort too.
* Learn to recite the Qur'aan correctly-if you haven't yet done that- because when you sit beside your wife, then you can teach and correct her too and when your young child comes to you and says: "Daddy! teach me", then you can do so easily and in a way that is befitting.
The same with learning the laws of Shari'ah-atleast be familiar with everyday laws that apply to you.
* Start caring about others from now. Mend the relationship between your family members. If you don't do so now, then when you have issues with your spouse you won't have the know-how of solving and dealing with it.
* Allah has gifted every person with a talent. Find yours. Take advantage of it and benefit yourself and others from it.
* Give off in your community. How good will you feel if you join a charitable group, and you have the opportunity to help the old or give a little child a sweet and then watch how his/her face lights up?!

Understand that life is not only about marriage. That shouldn't be your goal. By making it your goal you will feel like a failure because if it isn't written for you to be married now you certainly WILL NOT BE MARRIED NOW.
So instead of sitting around and thinking about these things, do something with your valuable time.
Wouldn't you want to be under the shade of Allah on the Day of Qiyaamah because you spent your youth in the obedience of Allah?

Also, when life gets tough and you "can't take it any longer", let it out! Exercise, in whatever form, helps a great deal! Do it regularly-you won't even have a build up if emotions that you can't handle.

Lastly- Allah created you. He knows you best and He alone knows what is best for you. He is The Most-Powerful. So ask Allah whenever you need something! Make this a habit and you will not feel the need to ask people.

We're here waiting to see you become the best you can and striving hard with regards to things that will benefit your Dunya and Aakhirah. You can do it! You just have to try!

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Excellent advice.