I can't stop cuddling my pillow like you all advised....

[Mustafa16]

Many of you have advised me not to cuddle with my pillow pretending it's a girl because it leads to zina or mental zina.....but I find it very difficult to stop.....I try resting on my back or on my right side, preoccupying my mind with other things like school and research, exercising, but I keep finding myself back in my bed cuddling and kissing my pillow out of lonliness, pretending it is the girl I told you all about (Esma)......I just can't get her out of my mind, it's gotten to the point where I am often in bed....and personally, I think it is the lesser of two evils because I would end up committing more direct sins if I don't talk to an imaginary version of her.....what do you think? is this the lesser of two evils and thus should be done? or is it a pathway to zina?

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Oh no...

[Regrets1]

*Cant read*

[Mustafa16]

*Cant read*

what is that supposed to mean?

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[Mustafa16]

Oh no...

I'm so sorry, brother....I keep making everyone uncomfortable with these repeat threads, and I'm sorry...

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

No no, you're only asking for advice. You don't have to apologise.

Maybe it is advisable for you to sleep on the ground rather than on a bed with pillows. In fact, it is Sunnah to sleep on the floor.

[Little_Lion]

*throws up hands and smiles*

This one is on you guys, I told him to either get married or focus on school.:facepalm:

[M.I.A.]

lol..

I will never make a lesser of two evils argument again..

aaaaalthough..

:|

this is a religious forum, I don't ever want to talk about pillow cases and bed bugs.. dammit.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

I don't think advising him to focus on school will work. His only choice may be to get married. He can continue studying while married.

[Mustafa16]

*throws up hands and smiles*

This one is on you guys, I told him to either get married or focus on school.:facepalm:

how do you expect me to get married when I am still in High School??? although I suppose I could do that second ACT simulation on this one exam practice website, or practice in my books for the ACT.....I did one, and it was a higher score than the last practice test.....I can't read, as I don't have the focus....ill look into ADHD medications, but I doubt it will end well.....

[Little_Lion]

My mother married while she was still in high school, she was 17 and had the permission of her parents.

[M.I.A.]

maybe you should tell your parents to ask for her hand.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Why can't you marry while in high school? There's nothing to prevent it. The West has this idea that people should only get married when they're in their late 20s or so, and have Zinaa before then. That's not the Islaamic way.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

maybe you should tell your parents to ask for her hand.

Only her hand? He'll want everything else too.

[Mustafa16]

My mother married while she was still in high school, she was 17 and had the permission of her parents.

That may work for a sister, as they are generally not expected to be the breadwinner, but I need to get an education in order to get a job....I have another several months until I can get a job (since I have to get my driver's license when I am 18 since I didn't get a permit), and 4-5 years until I get a career....money is still a factor.....since I am a brother and I am EXPECTED to be a breadwinner

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

If you can find a girl who is willing to remain with her parents while married to you until you manage to get a job, your problem will be solved.

[ardianto]

I was a motocross racer in my teen age. In that time what came into my mind when I was in bed were the race track that I must memorize, strategy for race, the optimum setting for my motorbike, etc. So I didn't cuddle my pillow and imagine it as a girl.

I do not suggest you to become motorcycle racer. But I suggest you to have a hobby.

[Mustafa16]

If you can find a girl who is willing to remain with her parents while married to you until you manage to get a job, your problem will be solved.

I suppose I could do that with one of the masjids here, as they are quite conservative...or I could also get married while in college while working full time, (60 hours a week) that way money won't be an issue...plenty of relatively well paying jobs you can get with just a High School diploma or GED....or if it gets too bad, I could just give up on college....but that would break my parents' hearts.. :(

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

I was a motocross racer in my teen age. In that time what came into my mind when I was in bed were the race track that I must memorize, strategy for race, the optimum setting for my motorbike, etc.

Hectic...

[M.I.A.]

Only her hand? He'll want everything else too.

...Maybe she is a hijabi..

Maybe he watches jojos bizarre adventure: diamond is unbreakable. (not a made up title, crazy Japanese people)

I dunno?

[Mustafa16]

I'm not sure if my plan to get married during college would work, though, because I got my mind set on marrying esma, and by the time I'm in college, she's still going to be in the 8th grade.....which isn't a legal age to get married....I suppose I could either forget about her, or just focus on hobbies, exercise, and studies so I don't think about girls too much.....

[Little_Lion]

...Maybe she is a hijabi..

Maybe he watches jojos bizarre adventure: diamond is unbreakable. (not a made up title, crazy Japanese people)

I dunno?

Now I have to watch Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I need a break from my Islamic studies.

*ducks from the inevitable "don't watch anime" post*

[ardianto]

Hectic...

I have competed in dozens race events in my teen age. Hectic life?. Maybe. But this made me didn't think to have girlfriend in my teen age. However, my dad passed away when I was in mid of age 20 when I began to move to autorally.

Losing my dad made me retire from automotive activity because as amateur, my sponsor was my dad. Retire from racing made me lost the channel to express my youth spirit. And I suddenly I felt lonely and began to think to have someone. So in the late of age 21 I proposed marriage to a girl, which I came alone without my mother. And it made my mother very angry.

[Little_Lion]

I'm not sure if my plan to get married during college would work, though, because I got my mind set on marrying esma, and by the time I'm in college, she's still going to be in the 8th grade.....which isn't a legal age to get married....I suppose I could either forget about her, or just focus on hobbies, exercise, and studies so I don't think about girls too much.....

Think of it realistically. Part of your obsession is part of your autism. You know it, I know it. You have a tenancy to become latched onto one thing and you will become obsessed with that thing. Right now it is girls and right now it is this particular girl. Remember your autism and remember that you DO have the strength to overcome the obsessive component of it.

You need a new obsession, one that is beneficial to you. What else do you like to do, or have you thought about exploring in the past?

[Mustafa16]

Think of it realistically. Part of your obsession is part of your autism. You know it, I know it. You have a tenancy to become latched onto one thing and you will become obsessed with that thing. Right now it is girls and right now it is this particular girl. Remember your autism and remember that you DO have the strength to overcome the obsessive component of it.

You need a new obsession, one that is beneficial to you. What else do you like to do, or have you thought about exploring in the past?

writing poems, writing stories, debating people on politics, doing research, reading novels, etc.

[Little_Lion]

writing poems, writing stories, debating people on politics, doing research, reading novels, etc.

Why not write a novel? I've written two, and they are WONDERFUL time consumers.

[Mustafa16]

Why not write a novel? I've written two, and they are WONDERFUL time consumers.

would writing a diary count?

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Why not write a novel? I've written two, and they are WONDERFUL time consumers.

Are your novels available online, sister?

[M.I.A.]

Now I have to watch Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I need a break from my Islamic studies.

*ducks from the inevitable "don't watch anime" post*

..don't watch anime..

also to keep relevant Japanese culture is why giant pillows with anime characters on them exist.

...never watch anime.

[jabeady]

...pretending it is the girl I told you all about (Esma)......

Which one was that? I've lost count. Have you considered joining the French Foreign Legion (you know, to forget)?

Seriously, you need a hobby.

[Little_Lion]

Are your novels available online, sister?

They used to be, but they are now out of print. I would be hesitant to post up the PDF of them, because though they are meant for young readers (10-13) they are VERY un-Islamic. I wrote them before reverting and they deal a lot with spirits and such. They're sort of a happy dystopian (yes, even a post-apocalyptic world was a happy one for me) version of His Dark Materials, if you are familiar with that series.

[Mustafa16]

Which one was that? I've lost count. Have you considered joining the French Foreign Legion (you know, to forget)?

Seriously, you need a hobby.

the girl who is 12 years old who rejected me because I was much older than her is Esma.....same girl as yesterday....and on again and off again for the past 2 years...

[islamirama]

You were childhood friends. Parents allow children to play together because they are innocent at that time. Since than you both have grown up and are adult by Islam's criteria. She is a matured young Muslimah with a respected father (imam) in the community. You need to stop fantasizing about a non-mahram in a haram way like that. You dishonor her and her chastity with your less than noble thoughts. How would you like some guy thinking like that about your sister?

Talk to your parents, if they don't listen then talk to local imam to see if they can talk to your parents. If marriage is not an option then see if engagement is an option. If not then, then fasts and try to focus on your studies. Stop obsessing over her like a bollywood brainwashed fan. Either ask for her hand honorably and if that is not an option than stop sullying her persona with your obsessive thoughts.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Don't watch anime. It will most likely fuel your nafs/desires.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

[noraina]

They used to be, but they are now out of print. I would be hesitant to post up the PDF of them, because though they are meant for young readers (10-13) they are VERY un-Islamic. I wrote them before reverting and they deal a lot with spirits and such. They're sort of a happy dystopian (yes, even a post-apocalyptic world was a happy one for me) version of His Dark Materials, if you are familiar with that series.

SubhanAllah, so similar to me. I wrote one novel (around 300 pages) when I was around 15, unfortunately dealt with things like sorcerers and such so I deleted them. Now I write things which are worthwhile.

His Dark Materials was one of my favourite book trilogies when I was in my early teens, I was blissfully unaware of the controversies surrounding them.

To the OP, @Mustafa16 , akhi, if marriage is not an option, then please find a way to distract yourself from thinking about girls - youth is such a valuable part of one's life, those who worshipped Allah swt in their youth will be of the seven groups under His Shade on the Day of Judgement, don't you want to do whatever you can to attain that?

I'm the same age as you, and yes the idea of marriage is a wonderful part of life many of us look forward to, but it is a 'means' not a 'goal'. Getting married of itself will not bring you fulfilment or happiness, that inner completion should come from within yourself, independent of external circumstances.

Besides, marriage is rizq, Allah swt has written when you will get married and you will only get married then. So focus on things you can change for the better - yourself, your deen, write poetry or stories, ect. Make yourself so preoccupied with the deen and with bettering yourself than anyone who comes into your life some time in the future is an extension of that.

Try and make your relationship with Allah swt your focal point, and not your relationship with an aspect of creation.

[Mustafa16]

You were childhood friends. Parents allow children to play together because they are innocent at that time. Since than you both have grown up and are adult by Islam's criteria. She is a matured young Muslimah with a respected father (imam) in the community. You need to stop fantasizing about a non-mahram in a haram way like that. You dishonor her and her chastity with your less than noble thoughts. How would you like some guy thinking like that about your sister?

Talk to your parents, if they don't listen then talk to local imam to see if they can talk to your parents. If marriage is not an option then see if engagement is an option. If not then, then fasts and try to focus on your studies. Stop obsessing over her like a bollywood brainwashed fan. Either ask for her hand honorably and if that is not an option than stop sullying her persona with your obsessive thoughts.

this isn't the same girl.....I don't even know what this girl's father does for a living, and I've never met him....and I met this girl 2 years ago.....

[aaj]

this isn't the same girl.....I don't even know what this girl's father does for a living, and I've never met him....and I met this girl 2 years ago.....

If this is the girl you mentioned previously,
"the girl who is 12 years old who rejected me because I was much older than her"

Then why are you daydreaming/fantasizing about her? That's not very islamic bro. You should move on and find other ways to occupy your time and mind. Engage in more ibadah and especially dhikr when those thoughts start to emerge.

[Kiro]

I would cuddle my pillow too, if it was pink and had the picture of strawberry milk on it

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

I would cuddle my pillow too, if it was pink and had the picture of strawberry milk on it

You didn't just say that....

[Kiro]

You didn't just say that....

Originally, I was gonna comment on this thread I would cuddle if my Pillow said Huzaifah ibn Adam ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MUHAHA

ok I'll stop being awkward now

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Originally, I was gonna comment on this thread I would cuddle if my Pillow said (Censored) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MUHAHA

ok I'll stop being awkward now

.......?

[Kiro]

You should redirect your emotions somewhere else like in a sport or exercise

Maybe practise your pillow like if it was a bamboo sword

[noraina]

Wait....cuddling a pillow isn't all bad. It depends on context, and intention.

I have a whole squad of pillows and cushions, I even have two huge teddy bears.

[aaj]

Wait....cuddling a pillow isn't all bad. It depends on context, and intention.

I have a whole squad of pillows and cushions, I even have two huge teddy bears.

No, it's not bad in the right context and intentions. Which is issue in the original OP statement.

[Kiro]

Keep yourself occupied

do sports

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Keep yourself occupied

do sports

Kendo?

[Serinity]

:salam:

I am in love with the fighting aspect of Kendo (excluding the bowing, and prostrating thing)

Hang your pillow, draw your bamboo sword, and practice! Exhaust yourself.............

And Allah :swt: knows best.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Maybe get into Rugby. It's very physical. Requires a lot of training. That will take your mind off other things.

[Kiro]

:salam:

I am in love with the fighting aspect of Kendo (excluding the bowing, and prostrating thing)

Hang your pillow, draw your bamboo sword, and practice! Exhaust yourself.............

And Allah :swt: knows best.

people

like this post

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Don't forget to do firearm training as well, In Shaa Allaah.

[Kiro]

Don't forget to do firearm training as well, In Shaa Allaah.

Guns i think are boring

tho i think desert eagle is cool but nothing compared to a bow

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Best kind of handgun is a revolver.

The .500 Smith and Wesson Magnum.

The king of handguns.

[Little_Lion]

I very much enjoy hunting. Nothing major, but I have a great taste for rabbit. Get yourself a nice .22 rifle and go do some small game hunting.

[jabeady]

Best kind of handgun is a revolver.

The .500 Smith and Wesson Magnum.

The king of handguns.

Nah. I like the Old West style single-actions. Romance combined with history, plus really good stopping power.

[M.I.A.]

...you people are nuts.

when I was a lot younger... a lot a lot..

I had a pellet gun.

two things.

firstly I had it with me once and to show off to my uncle I shot at a pigeon..

first and last time ever.. even though I think I missed.

secondly I took it to school with me to show my friends.. at the end of school I had to go back for something.. so bag in hand I walked up a big grassy hill..

I slipped and hit myself in the head with the bag.

...decided to go sit in the secretaries office with a comical bruise on my forehead..

honestly like when they get hit in cartoons.. and a big bruise comes up.

g10 it was.. never again..

violence is not for some people.

[Little_Lion]

Pellet guns are great too. I can't technically "shoot" in town so I use my pellet gun to hunt rabbits. Jazak'Allah khair I'm a good shot and usually get them right in the head.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

secondly I took it to school with me to show my friends.. at the end of school I had to go back for something.. so bag in hand I walked up a big grassy hill..

I slipped and hit myself in the head with the bag.

But...how did you manage to hit yourself with the bag??

[M.I.A.]

..I don't know?

strange thing is I was walking up the hill.. :/

if only I were joking.

I'm not thick.. I'm just made to look that way.

..probably.


the last time I told that story was on a road trip.. and then the lights turn green.. as I set off a pigeon bounces of the windscreen.

dammit.

[Scimitar]

Dude is sleeping with a pillow... Lol

dude needs to GROW UP.

what other advice is there? Marriage is hardly the solution to pillow withdrawal roffle toffle

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

May be advisable to remove all pillows from the room.

[Mustafa16]

May be advisable to remove all pillows from the room.

Or at least remove all the pillows that are somewhat shaped like a person's body

[Scimitar]

There's a barn, with sheep in it - a night in there will fix anyone up.

or try a night in jamaat jorr... Lol

Scimi

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

You have pillows like that?

[Mustafa16]

You have pillows like that?

not really...what I mean, is that some pillows are more square shaped, whereas others are rectangular shaped, so I pretend that the rectangular pillow is a woman's body and cuddle with it....it feels about right....or at least how I imagined it would.....my point is I should sleep with square pillows so cuddling with them being less realistic will discourage me....

[Scimitar]

When does the dry humping start? Once the cuddling is finished ? Or while you're cuddling?

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

No. You can't be sleeping with those square pillows either. Toss them all out of the room.

No pillows for you.

[Scimitar]

Hahaha I'm reminded of that infamously ridiculously insanely funny scene from "trains planes and automobiles"

pillows? Those ain't pillows - hahahahaa

[Mustafa16]

When does the dry humping start? Once the cuddling is finished ? Or while you're cuddling?

What you described is haram, but I do it sometimes, unfortunately....but generally if I actually respect a girl I wouldn't....only cuddle and make out with the pillow....I only do that other thing when I'm in lust....I learned quickly love and lust are not the same thing.....

[Scimitar]

Good - respect the virginity of your pillows bro... Pillow abuse is punishable by 70 lashes with a pink whip.

it has to be pink to show the adolescent nature of the accused :D

Scimi

[Mustafa16]

Good - respect the virginity of your pillows bro... Pillow abuse is punishable by 70 lashes with a pink whip.

it has to be pink to show the adolescent nature of the accused :D

Scimi

I'm not sure if this is appropriate subject matter for an Islamic forum...lol :D

[Scimitar]

AH SO NOW YOU GET IT ������

[mission2succeed]

I'm not sure if this is appropriate subject matter for an Islamic forum...lol :D

If I am honest a lot of what you come with is inappropriate for this forum as it takes you away from the quran and sunnah.

[Aaqib]

Have some self-respect, honestly. That's my advice, if that girl kindly didn't want to be in a haram relationship with you then don't be thinking about her.

[ardianto]

Mustafa, you are still far from ready to get married, and you don't know what will happen in the future. So do not stick your heart to that girl, because something can be happen and make you regret.

The biggest possibility that could be happen is, in the future when you have ready to get married, you would meet one or few good girls who are willing to accept you. But since your heart stuck to someone, you pass this opportunity. However, when you propose marriage to the girl that you want, she reject you and choose another guy. What you would do in this situation?.

So, do not stick your heart to someone who is not yours, okay?.

:)

[Futuwwa]

If I am honest a lot of what you come with is inappropriate for this forum as it takes you away from the quran and sunnah.

On the contrary, topics like this are of the utmost relevance for an Islamic forum. Do you think guys like him with feelings like that are just going to stop being like that and just start doing what they are supposed to do (whatever that is) simply because we suppress discussion on the topic by shaming them into silence?

[mission2succeed]

On the contrary, topics like this are of the utmost relevance for an Islamic forum. Do you think guys like him with feelings like that are just going to stop being like that and just start doing what they are supposed to do (whatever that is) simply because we suppress discussion on the topic by shaming them into silence?

Likewise responding to his naiveness does not achieve anything because it doesn't mean his turning to you all on here so he will want to listen to what you have to say. At the end of the day it is better for him to concentrate on doing good and on us is to forbid evil.