:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)
:sl: (Peace be upon you)
Brother, I'm sad to hear that you've been harming yourself. I do want you to keep in mind that everything in your mind seems worse because of your autism. It doesn't mean that it actually is; it just means that it can seem to you that way when it might not be so. I also don't see how keeping a vow of silence is going to help in your situation as our beautiful sister Little_Lion said. Please know that Allah has addressed you and anyone who feels badly about anything in the way of sin in this
ayah (verse) of the Quran (39:53):
"O ’Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
If God can forgive you for your sins, the least you can do is forgive also yourself for your errors in judgment in having committed those sins. Just keep moving forward and avoid committing those same sins in the future; if you fall prey to your
nafs (ego) and
shaitaan's (satan's) whispers and commit those same sins, then again repent and ask forgiveness of those sins. Keep doing so because Allah doesn't get tired of forgiving sins and so you shouldn't feel yourself getting tired of asking forgiveness:
Prophet :saws:
(peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Allah, the Exalted, has said: 'O son of Adam! I shall go on forgiving you so long as you pray to Me and aspire for My forgiveness whatever may be your sins. O son of Adam! I do not care even if your sins should pile up to the sky and should you beg pardon of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam! If you come to Me with an earthful of sins and meet Me, not associating anything with Me in worship, I will certainly grant you as much pardon as will fill the earth.'"
Also, Prophet :saws:
(peace and blessings be upon him) said that whenever he used to perceive a veil in his heart, he used to make
zikr (remembrance) of forgiveness 100 times a day, which is easy to do, as all you have to do is say "astaghfirullah" ("I seek forgiveness from Allah").
And Prophet :saws:
(peace and blessings be upon him) said, "If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not."
Your key to how to move positively forward from any distress and stress is to constantly ask for forgiveness no matter where you are or what has happened; as for any idea that you'll become radicalized, don't ever think so negatively as Prophet :saws:
(peace and blessings be upon him) said, "A good attitude is a blessing and a bad attitude is a calamity."
The thing is that you'll have disappoints in your life. I do, and you'll do too. The way to think about disappointments is to see them as windows of opportunity or calling to do something better or to improve yourself in some way; if life throws a lemon at you, are you going to make a lemonade or just grumble and feel badly about that lemon? You choose. Always. And all I'd suggest is that you choose wisely.
The key to happiness, after all, isn't that you have a perfect life but that you are perfectly happy with whatever you've been blessed and wherever you are in whatever condition.
:wa: (And peace be upon you)
format_quote Originally Posted by
Mustafa16
about a year ago, I did something I'm not proud of which continues to haunt me to this day.....I've decided to take a vow of silence, but I'm worried this will result in radicalization, as my only way of expressing myself could, later down the road, if I get desperate enough....violence.....should I not take a vow of silence? or should I take a vow of silence and avoid becoming radicalized...? if so, how do I do it?